The True Story of Chandler Bing
by Jennifer10
Summary: This story is a companion piece to the Phoebe story. It begins during Thanksgiving 1978 and spans until 2004. Friends make appearances. This does run parallel to the Phoebe story, it's just Chandler's turn. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**November 20th, 1978-November 24th, 1978**

It was Monday, mid afternoon and nine year old Chandler Bing sat waiting in what become his normal spot at the principal's office. He sat in the mahogany chair, feet not touching the floor staring up at an older looking man who was staring at him over the rims of his glasses. The little boy with the bright blue eyes and the bowl cut stared up at this stogy old guy who went by the name of Principal Allens, a mixture of fear and annoyance in his eyes. Chandler had gone too far this time, he knew he had. He should never have spray painted the words, "I Seymour Butts Daily" on the wall of the school. But it was funny, he thought it was funny and he was impressed with his ability to spell all words correctly. But the principal had not found it funny at all and he had been caught, red spray paint still on his hands and was immediately dragged into the office. He had been told he was suspended immediately for two whole weeks and now they were just waiting on his parents.

"They're not coming," Chandler whispered.

"They're coming. You know, if you don't start behaving, you're going to end up in jail one day."

Chandler let out a sigh. He wasn't sure he believed that but all he knew he was he had been waiting over an hour for his mother to pick him up or his father or someone. He hoped it would be his parents but he doubted it. His parents never disciplined him, never picked up when he got in trouble at school which was a lot. He wasn't a bad kid which was contrary to what some of his teachers or Principal Allens believed. He just wanted to be seen, wanted someone to know who he was although he was too young to say that.

"John," Gladys, the secretary, poked her head into the office. She was an older lady with her hair tied back in a bun and wearing a red dress with white flowers. "I can take him home."

"Gladys-"

"His parents aren't coming, John," Gladys said.

Chandler could feel his heart drop as he looked down at his hands and then back up at the principal. Suddenly, the eyes that had once been filled with anger were now filled with sympathy.

"If you want attention, ask."

"I've been asking," came Chandler's reply. "No one's listening."

It was a mature statement for a nine year old. One that made him seem much older than his years. But what Chandler had seen in nine years was stuff that no child should have been witnessing. At nine, he could say he had a piano teacher that felt him up once and had walked in on his parents having sex with the same man. He had done tequila shots with Jorge, the house boy and done many more things that one would only find in the pages of dirty novels.

"I'll take him," Gladys said, again.

"Yeah."

Chandler jumped off the chair and grabbed his backpack from the floor. He walked towards the secretary who placed her arm around him and led him out the door. He walked in silence as Gladys opened her car door and let Chandler in the passenger side. Chandler still stared quietly out the window as Gladys drove out of the parking lot.

"Will there be people at home?" Gladys said.

"Yeah."

"You know, you're a good kid Chandler, You do hear that, right?"

"I guess. Am I still suspended?"

"I think so. Although, between you and me, that was funny. There's a time and a place though. Unfortunately, spray painted in red across the wall of the school...not the right time or place."

"Okay...I guess."

Chandler sat in silence as Gladys drove the rest of the way to his house. Once there, Chandler got out and stared at the huge home that stood before him. Chandler Bing grew up in the wealthiest sections of Scarsdale, New York. He did not live in a house, he lived in a commune of sorts. His home took up several blocks and covered many, many thousand square acres of land. His home came equipped with a movie theater, bowling alley, a large pool area with a pool house, several guest houses and even a club where his parents would invite people from every walk of life. The parties would go on all night and would involve an endless supply of drugs and alcohol.

Chandler walked through the gates and reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. He unlocked the giant doors and looked up at the long, wide stair case. He had once opened the door to his house and found he father locked in a passionate embrace with one of the butlers. Chandler wasn't ready to go to his room so instead he walked to the left of the staircase and opened a two double doors and walked into the movie theater his home came equipped with. This was by far his favorite room in the house. It was his hiding spot. He walked up to the projection room and grabbed several stacks of tapes and set them up. Soon Chandler was transported to another world, a funnier world. There was Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. Laurel and Hardy and Fatty Arbuckle. There was Annie Hall and Blazing Saddles. Animal House. 10 and Young Frankenstein. This was his world, a funny world. A world where laughter healed and made things better. He had seen all these movies so many times that he knew the words, mouthing them along. He loved 10, especially. Sure, one would say the sexy movie starring Bo Derrick was wildly inappropriate for a nine year old, but no one seemed to be arguing with anything Chandler did. As he watched Bo Derrick run down the beach, he wondered if he met her if he could make her laugh. He was sure he could, he seemed to be good at that.

He had discovered this when he was seven. He had tripped in front of a group of girls in second grade and they laughed. He hadn't meant to trip. His shoelace had been untied and he had actually his knee, but that sound. That glorious wonderful sound. Sure, there was blood, his knee was bleeding, but he didn't care. That sound, he wanted to bottle it up and carry it with him.

"So you got suspended," came a voice standing above Chandler. Chandler recognized the voice as his father, Charles Bing. Charles sat next to his son and drapped his arm around the back of the seat.

"How do you know?" Chandler asked.

"I called the school back."

"Finally."

"Chandler."

"Don't. I wanna watch."

Charles simply nodded and turned to watch the movie with Chandler. Sometimes his father would give advice, but Chandler never wanted to hear it. Advice from his dad was ridiculous, advice from anyone was ridiculous.

"Dad," Chandler said, looking up.

"Yeah."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"Does mom?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Chandler turned to continue watching as Charles lowered his arm and placed it around Chandler's shoulders. Chandler looked up at his dad. Normally, he'd shrug his father's arm off him, but instead this time, he lifted the armrest that separated father and son and moved closer. It was the one thing Chandler had that he could share with his father, a love of movies. A love of comedy and a love of trying to make people smile.

Chandler's world imploded once again during Thanksgiving. He had been sitting there, his mom and dad on either side of him and they were informing him they were divorcing. Charles was leaving Chandler's mom, Nora for the house boy Ramon. Chandler had been eating turkey, a piece was already in his mouth when the new was broken and suddenly he could not control himself. His parents had a far from perfect marriage, but he had never expected this. He got up and ran outside. He ran as far as he could until his legs gave out and he leaned against a tree. He began throwing up. The Thanksgiving dinner, in reverse. The turkey, the stuffing, the cranberry sauce, the yams...all coming back. When he was done, he sat, wrapped his arms around his knees as his body shook. He could not stop crying as he rocked back and forth, look up towards the night. He could see stars sprinkling the sky, wondering if he could transport himself, maybe transport himself into one of those comedy movies.

"Chandler," Charles said as he walked towards his son and sat next to him.

"Leave me alone," Chandler said, his throat hoarse.

"Please let me speak. You know your mother and I have not been happy for a long time. I'm gay. I tried to hide it. I tried to be something I wasn't but I couldn't do it-"

"Can't you try harder?"

"No. Look, in order for me to be a better parent, I need to be happy with me."

"What about me?" Chandler asked.

"You'll be fine."

"Are you leaving?" Chandler asked.

"Tomorrow morning. Ramon and I are taking a flight to Florida. We're going to start a burlesque."

"Congratulations."

"You will be fine and I still love you."

Chandler shrugged and got up. He walked back towards the house. As he walked back inside, the smell of Thanksgiving food still lingered and it made him sick to his stomach. It was then that he made a pact to himself, that he would never eat Thanksgiving food again for as long as he lived.

His parents had an interesting way of dealing with the divorce. After the failed Thanksgiving dinner, his parents had an "End of the Marriage" party at the club that was located in the basement of their home. Chandler sat on one of the red cushions, watching the grown ups around him gyrating to loud music that pulsated through the room. It was so loud, Chandler could feel his bones vibrating. He could see his father and Ramon off at one of the tables, kissing in between snorting lines of cocaine. Chandler rolled his eyes as his mother, Nora, wearing a tube top and a mini skirt plopped herself down next to Chandler and handed him a drink.

"Here you go, son," Nora said. "This will help you."

"What is it?"

"Jack and coke. I know you've had a rough week with being suspended and now this. So you can use a drink."

"I'm nine years old, mom."

"I know. I'll monitor your intake."

Chandler squinted at his mom in the darkness as he reached for the glass and brought it to his lips, downing the drink. The drink burned his throat, but felt surprisingly good. He kept drinking more until he was sufficiently drunk. He liked that feeling of being drunk. He could forget if he was drunk. He wasn't sure what time it was but at some point in the party, he stole a large bottle of Jack Daniels from the bar and made his way to the theater where he loaded up those old comedies again and sat while his parents celebrated the end of their marriage downstairs, Chandler drank from his bottle of Jack Daniels as if he were downing soda and soon passed out to sounds of Animal House. When he woke the next morning, he had pounding headache. He stumbled out of the room and into large empty house. He walked towards the front door and opened it. It was there he saw an image that would forever be engrained in his head. His father and Ramon getting into the car, backing out and leaving. Chandler kept wondering if his father would turn back, if his dad would say goodbye and Charles did turn back, for a brief second and locked eyes with his son. Chandler desperately wanted him to say something but Charles never did. Instead, he got in the car and drove off, leaving his son behind and leaving Chandler how to figure out his next step.


	2. Chapter 2

**April, 1979**

After Chandler's parents divorce, things began spiraling faster for the nine year old. After Thanksgiving, the parties increased and Chandler was surrounded by alcohol that flowed like water and drugs that were as readidly available as candy and while the house were full of adults, no one was there to really watch Chandler. There was no one there to truly discipline him, although some of his mother's boyfriends tried. There was one who kept spanking him, Rick. Every time Chandler did something wrong and it was often, Rick would pull Chandler across his knee and proceed to spank him.

"He needs to learn discipline," Rick said as Chandler lay on his lap.

"Maybe he should have a drink first before you spank him," came his mother's reply.

"No, it needs to hurt."

Chandler let out a snort, "well, why don't you argue about it and I can leave."

"See, your son is smart ass," Rick said as he smacked Chandler, hard on his bottom. Chandler winced a little.

It was his birthday weekend. He was turning ten and had found himself again, getting suspended from school. His birthday was on a Sunday this year. He was going to have a party on a Saturday or at least he thought he was but the problem with having a mother like his, parents didn't want their kids going to a party at his house. So they didn't and the rejections came, no one was coming to his tenth birthday and it was because of his mom. So he reacted in the only way he knew how. This time he had saran wrapped every toilet in the school and was in the process of gluing everything to the teacher's desk when he was caught and dragged to the principal's office.

"Chandler," Principal Allens had said, shaking his head.

"How long will I be suspended this time?" Chandler asked.

"I know parents getting divorced is rough, but there is a time and place for pranks and for being silly-"

"How long am I suspended this time?" Chandler asked. He did not want to talk about his feelings. Ever since the divorce, Chandler had been dragged to therapists who asked him questions about his emotions. He would always end up spending the hour making them laugh. He had an audience. He did not want to discuss what was going on. He knew what was going on at home and knew that his life was different from the other kids and not in a good way.

"Two weeks. Maybe we can offer your mom the name of a therapist."

"I don't want a therapist."

It wasn't a therapist that he needed. He wasn't sure what it was that he needed, but he was pretty sure it wasn't a therapist. He sat there once again, waiting for his mom to pick him up which of course, she did not. The secretary, Gladys once again dropped him off.

"You know, Chandler," Gladys said as she stared at him from the drivers seat.

"Stop. Ms. Gallion wasn't gonna celebrate my birthday in class today because I didn't earn a party and my mom forgot to bring stuff anyway. No one is coming to my birthday tomorrow because of my mother. I haven't spoken to my dad in six months. Stop."

With that Chandler, jumped out of the car and walked into his house. He immediately walked towards the theater, his own private sanctuary and began watching _Blazing Saddles,_ followed by some Laurel and Hardy. He was in the middle of watching, _Duck Soup _when suddenly his Rick walked in and violently grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the theater where he pulled Chandler on to his lap and proceeded to spank him. His mother, Nora, stood nearby.

"But honey, I really think he needs a few drinks before you do that," Nora said.

"He needs to learn some lessons," Rick said.

"Chandler, sweetie...what did you do? Why did you get suspended again?" Nora said as she crouched down in front of Chandler and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Because he's a bad kid," Rick said.

"You heard the man," Chandler said which resulted in another whack on his bottom.

"Maybe you do need to be spanked more," Nora said.

"Well, at least you found a guy will to do it. Ouch," Chandler said as he got another whack. He let out a sigh as Rick continued. He shut his eyes and tried to think of other things. He would soon be allowed to go back and watch _Duck Soup_. As images of the movie flashed in his head, he felt something against his stomach. It was a familiar hard feeling. Rick was turned on. Chandler knew that but he was pretty sure his mom did not. He never said anything, but he could feel it.

When the Rick was done, Chandler got up and Rick grabbed Nora's hand and they practically skipped off. Chandler rubbed his bottom as he turned and walked towards the theater again and continued to watch the movie. He couldn't cry anymore. He did for awhile. When his parents first divorced, he cried everyday but his mom seemed to move on quickly. Every few weeks there would be a new boyfriend. Rick was just the latest. He and Nora had been dating for three weeks and he immediately took it upon himself to be the one to discipline Chandler and it was that first time when Chandler had felt the hardness on his stomach, but he knew soon enough his mother would dump him and move on to a new guy.

Chandler spent the night in the theater, watching movie after movie, leaving only to get food and go to the bathroom. He was safe in that theater. No one could harm him. The world could pass outside, but nothing bad could happen in there. It was his spot.

"Sweetie?"

It was now Saturday. He was sure of that, but he wasn't sure the time. His mom was dressed in a skin tight red sequined dress which was also very low cut. Chandler looked up at her and let out a sigh.

"It's Saturday night. We're having a party for you downstairs," Nora said

"None of the kids in my class could come."

"So? I invited my friends. I'm not going to let my son's tenth go without celebration. I bought you a gift," Nora said.

"Really?" Chandler asked, his eyes brightening a little as his mom handed him a box. He tore off the paper and opened the box. In it was a square package. Chandler picked it up and looked at his mom.

"It's a condom. Now, that you're ten you need to start using protection."

"From what?"

"Oh, honey...you need to be prepared."

"Yeah...well, thanks mom. This is much better than the Richard Pryor comedy album I asked for two weeks ago," Chandler muttered.

"Oh, Richard Pryor has too much bad language. I don't want you listening to that. Come on, let's play."

Chandler looked up at his mom and stuffed the condom in his pocket. He knew his mother wouldn't leave until he joined her. So he turned off the movie and followed her down the stairs to the club where the party was already in full effect. The room was filled with hot, sweaty and partially naked people, grinding up against each other in tune to some loud song that Chandler couldn't quite recognize. The strobe lights cast colors upon the foam was now filling the room. Sometimes for special occasions, they would fill that club with foam. Chandler usually thought the bubbles were cool though as he would run through them and try to get as wet as he could but he wasn't feeling up to it.

"Have a seat birthday boy," Nora said as she walked Chandler towards an empty booth and sat him down. Nora jetted off towards the bar. Chandler watched the party. He understood why his classmates parents didn't want them at a party like this. He got it immediately. He wondered if he would ever have a normal kids birthday. He had always wanted to go to Chuck-E-Cheese or spend his birthday at the ice rink where he could play ice hockey. He had wanted birthdays at arcades or anything that could be considered appropriate. He never got those birthdays. He got birthdays like this, a foam party and condoms as a present.

"Here you go," Nora said, handing him a drinking in a small glass. Chandler knew what it was.

"Tequila shot?"

"Happy birthday, son."

"Yeah, who needs mini-golf or a birthday at the batting cages when I can do this instead," Chandler said.

"Oh, those are boring parties."

"But mom...they're things I like to do and if you did those things, maybe some of the kids in my class would have come."

"I refuse to throw my son boring parties because I am not a boring parent. Have your birthday shot."

Chandler downed his shot and let out a groan. The liquid burned his throat. He coughed a little.

"Thanks, mom," Chandler said.

"I also have another gift. See, that woman over there? She's a stripper. I paid her five hundred bucks to give you a lap dance," Nora grinned. "I want you to learn how to be free with your sexuality."

"Mom, look where I've spent the last ten years. I think I'm open about my sexuality."

"Hold on."

Chandler rolled his eyes as his mom got up and ran off. What would it take for someone to listen to him? To hear him, no one seemed to be doing that. His mom soon came back with a woman who did look a little bit like Bo Derrick in the darkness of the club.

"Am I the best mother or what?" Nora asked.

"Or what?"

The woman whose name was Maxi Johnson smiled as she leaned down and gave Chandler a kiss on the head and then proceeded to dance around him, touching him which he did enjoy. His mom kept bringing him shots so Chandler kept getting drunk.

After the lap dance, Maxi left to go dance with someone else and Nora was dragged off by Rick so Chandler was left alone. He wanted to get out of there, see a movie. Chandler stumbled towards the bar and walked behind it, stealing a giant bottle of Jose Cuervo. He stumbled out of the club and up the stairs to the theater where he opened the door. He turned on _Animal House_ and began watching.

He wasn't sure when he had passed out, but for the rest of his life, he would remember when he woke up. He felt Rick's hand on his stomach and woke up to find him unbuttoning his jeans.

"What are you doing? Stop," Chandler groaned as he tried to push away but Rick's grip was too strong. Rick grabbed pulled up and put Chandler over his knee.

"You're a very bad boy," Rick said as he spanked Chandler, harder than he had been spanked before.

"Stop, you're hurting me," Chandler cried.

"If you were good, I wouldn't be hurting you. It's your fault for being so bad and if you tell your mother, I will do this again."

Chandler felt weak, but he still couldn't cry. He was drunk, he knew that much. Suddenly, Rick flipped him over and he could feel Rick's hand go down Chandler's jeans. That's when things when black again. It was as if Chandler's brain knew something was going to happen and did him the favor of shutting.

When he woke up again, he had a blinding headache. He was alone and looked up to see the screen had gone dark. His pants were around his ankles and he felt an intense pain running up and down his entire body. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. It was then that he started crying. He was completely alone. He hated Rick for what he had done. Rick had destroyed the only place Chandler felt safe. He would do what Rick asked though, he would not tell his mother besides, Chandler knew it was only a matter of time before Rick and his mom broke up.

Nora and Rick broke up a few days later. No explanation was given and Chandler never asked. He was glad Rick was gone and soon his mother took in another boyfriend, a guy named, Alex who seemed nice enough. Although, he did seem to be very fond of these little white tablets that he kept taking. Alex kept telling Chandler how awesome and cool they made everything and how they made everything so bright and colorful. Chandler kept wanting to try one, but Alex kept saying no.

Alex would sit with Chandler and watch all those movies. Despite what Rick had done to Chandler in that theater, despite how he had destroyed Chandler's safe spot, he would keep watching those movies and hopefully feel safe again. Alex helped though. Chandler loved watching the movies with him because he would talk about how the colors were so bright, even during black and white movies. Chandler's entire two week suspension was spent in that movie theater. When Rick had first left, Nora kept asking if he was okay and if he wanted to see a therapist. Chandler refused. He would try to forget what happened. His mind blocked it out.

At the end of two weeks, Chandler was shocked when his mom actually dropped him off at school. While at the curb, just before Chandler got out of the car, Nora touched his arm to stop him.

"Honey...I know we never talked about this...the reason Rick and I broke up-"

"Mom, I gotta go."

"Did he touch you?"

"No."

"Chandler, don't lie to me. Please, not about this."

"No, he didn't. I gotta go. I do like Alex though. He's fun."

"Yeah...and if he offers you one of his white tablets, you do not take it."

"I know. I gotta go."

Chandler hopped out of the car and walked into the school. Surprisingly enough, he actually liked school. It seemed strange considering all the trouble he constantly found himself in, but he actually liked it. School seemed normal to him.

"Hey, Chandler...there you are. Can you come into my office for a second," Principal Allens said.

"I just got here. What could I have done?" Chandler asked.

"Come here," Principal Allens said and Chandler could hear him mutter, "smart ass" which made him laugh. Chandler followed the principal into his office and sat in the chair. "Alright, kid...it was your birthday?"

"Yeah. Two weeks ago."

"Here you go, Happy Birthday."

Principal Allens handed Chandler a stack of comedy albums. Chandler's mouth dropped open as he read the names, Richard Pryor, Steve Martin, Bill Cosby...there at least twenty of them.

"Thank you."

"I know a lot of those probably aren't appropriate for you...so listen with caution. Look, Chandler, you are funny kid. You will probably grow up to be a very funny adult. There's a time and a place. School isn't the place. Do you like it here?"

"Yes."

"I know you don't like home. So getting suspended from a place you like to spend two weeks at a place you don't like. That doesn't make sense."

"I'm funny."

"You are."

"Am I as funny as these guys? Or John Belushi? Am I as funny as John Belushi?"

"You could be. Go to class."

"Thanks," Chandler said as he put the albums in his backpack and practically sprinted out of the office. He walked into his fourth grade class and took a seat. Since everyone was in alphabetical order, he was always towards the front. As he sat, Dave Bingham tapped him on the elbow.

"Did you really saran wrap the toilets?" Dave asked.

"Yes, I did."

"Wow...that's funny."

"Thank you."

Chandler grinned as he shifted in his seat. He liked being funny. It was a way out. It was a way not to think about what was going on at home and he was thrilled for that and when he got home that day, he did what he normally did, watched movies refusing to let Rick destroy the one thing he knew: funny.


	3. Chapter 3

**January 1st, 1980**

Chandler's head was pounding as he woke up. He opened his eyes and squinted at the bright sunlight. He felt so disoriented. What had happened the previous night? He tried to recall it. His mother had had one of the biggest parties to date. He had tried one of those tablets. The ones that Nora's boyfriend, Alex seemed to love so much. He had begged Alex to finally give in and Alex gave him one. Chandler took it and soon felt like his body was floating and everything at first seemed so wonderful. So glorious and colorful but the downfall, that's what Chandler remembered as well. He began vomiting. He ran outside and continued vomiting and eventually collapsed. He remembered collapsing in the darkness alone and now he was awake, sun bright and feeling horrible. He slowly got up, his muscles aching as he made his way back to the house. He had no clue what that white tablet was but the fall out was far worse than anything his mother had ever given him to drink. Just as he opened the door to his house, he was suddenly ambushed by a petite brunette woman who enveloped him in her arms, hugging him

"Chandler, oh thank G-d."

A couple months earlier. Nora had hired a cook. Her name was Sophie and she was from somewhere exotic, Chandler wasn't sure but he did like when she hugged him. It made him feel a little tingly inside. Sophie wasn't paying attention, just kept hold him and kissing his face. Chandler liked her. There was something very mothering about her although he knew she had no children of her own.

"Sophie, I'm fine."

"No, honey...baby, you are not. Stay away from, Alex. You hear me," Sophie said, cupping Chandler's chin in her hand.

"What...what happened?"

"Not good. We need to take you to a doctor. We need to tell them what happened-"

"No. No...then they'll have to tell people and then they'll take me away, won't they?" Chandler asked.

Even at ten, he knew how he was living wasn't good. He knew he was doing things he was not supposed to do and he knew that there at been times that Child Protective Services had been called, but his parents had money and were always able to talk their way out of it using money as leverage. But after what happen the night before, Chandler feared that if CPS was called, there wasn't enough money in the world to cover up what had happened and as chaotic as his home life was, the one thing he did not want was to be taken away.

"Probably. Alright...you're okay?" Sophie asked.

"Yeah."

"No brain damage?" Sophie asked.

"Well, I did lose my mind...but that was years ago."

Sophie let out a snort and shook her head. "Smart ass. Okay, come...I'll make you breakfast," Sophie said as she grabbed his hand and pulled him off towards the kitchen.

"Where's mom?" Chandler asked.

"She...she went out for the day."

"Is she looking for me?" Chandler asked, a little bit of hope still in his voice, although by the look in Sophie's eyes, he knew the answer. "She's not." His heart sank at that revelation.

"Of course she is sweetie. Look, you're coming with me today. I have a party to cater in Long Island-"

"No more parties. It's okay. I wanna watch Charlie Chaplin...or maybe _The Jazz Singer_...or _Star Wars. _I wanna watch that again."

"No, no more movies. This is a good party. There will be kids your age for you to play with. You need to play with them. No, no more movies."

"Okay," Chandler said, smiling.

Sophie had been hired last summer to do cooking for the family. Nora wasn't a cook and she decided she needed to hire someone to do the cooking, most of the butlers and houseboys had gone with Charles after the divorce. Sophie was also a caterer, often hosting parties for the wealthy. He loved Sophie. She was very sweet and kind to him. She did more than cooking, she would help him with homework and would make sure he got to and from school safely each day. Chandler felt like Sophie was more like a mom than his actual mom.

"Stay away from Alex," Sophie said.

"What did he give me?"

"I don't...I'm not talking about it...no place for a child, this house. No place. When you are old enough, get out of this place. You're too good."

"And I'm funny. John Belushi funny?" Chandler asked.

"Funnier," Sophie said.

Chandler grinned, although his head was still killing him. Sophie placed a plate of bacon, eggs and waffles in front of him. Chandler felt nauseous looking at the food but Sophie kept telling him to eat up so he did. As he ate though and sobered up, a thought began to enter his mind. His mom was out for the day. Had his mom even gone looking for him? Had Alex? Did his mom wonder if he was dead or alive? It scared him to think that no one knew whether he was dead or alive or even worse...no one cared. He kept trying to recall anything from last night, but he couldn't.

Sophie pulled up to the large home in Long Island. It wasn't as big as Chandler's home, but his home looked more like a commune than a home. There were still Christmas lights hung up and some toy reindeer on the lawn.

"Okay, here's the deal. No drinking. Don't let me catch you drinking alcohol. Just because your mom lets you drink, doesn't make it legal."

"Okay. I won't drink. I promise."

"This is a home with a doctor and his wife. So do not discuss what happened to you last night."

"I won't. It was bad."

"Yes. They have three daughters. A twelve year old, a nine year old and a six year old and there will be a lot of kids here. Play with them. Do not play with the adults. You're not an adult."

"I know."

Sophie and Chandler got out of the car. Sophie pulled trays out of the back and Chandler helped her. When they were ready, they walked up to the house and were let in by a skinny brunette woman.

"Oh, you must be Sophie. I'm Sandra Green. Is this your son?"

"No, no...I'm sorry, I should have asked. His family, I work for them too. They're out for the day and they asked if I could take their son with me for the day because I know you have children his age," Sophie said.

"Of course. Of course. What's your name?" Sandra asked.

"Chandler."

"Well, let's get all this food into the kitchen and you can play with the other kids," Sandra said.

Chandler followed Sophie and Sandra through the crowds of people towards the kitchen. Once everything was set up, Sophie grabbed Chandler's hand.

"Now, go play with the kids."

Chandler nodded and suddenly froze when it occurred him that he didn't know how to do that. He had friends at school, sure. But none of his friends ever came over. It soon dawned on him just how much time he truly did spend alone or with adults.

"Chandler, come on, I'll take you to the play room," Sandra said.

Chandler looked up at Sophie, a look of terror suddenly flashed in his eyes. Sophie gave him a warm smile and gently squeezed his shoulder as Chandler followed Sandra out of the kitchen, through the living room, down a hall and opened the room to a large room filled with toys. There were about eight kids already playing. Chandler was amazed by this. There was no playroom at his house. The closest thing would be the club, but that was more of a playroom for his mom.

He walked around the perimeter of the room, wondering what to do. In one corner, there was a tall curly haired boy playing dinosaurs with another boy. He saw a skinny brunette girl playing dolls with a heavy set dark haired girl. All of this seemed so overwhelming. Had he really never been around other kids his own age? That seemed so strange to him. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized how true that was. He did play with other kids at school but they never came over and playing with kids at school wasn't too tough. He often just played basketball with the other boys and because he was funny, he was always immediately accepted. But those same boys never came to his house, they weren't allowed because of his parents. Everything he did was strictly adult. Even the movies he watched constantly in the comfort of that theater were not really that appropriate for him to be watching. He felt his heart beating quickly as he remembered how he woke up that morning, pounding headache in the blinding sun. He doubted any of these kids woke up that way. He doubted any of them were given a white tablet by their mother's boyfriend which made them feel like they were out of their minds. Chandler sat on one of the couches, watching the kids play. His palms felt sweaty and he wished he could be back in the theater. He really did want to watch _Star Wars _again.

"Hi?"

Chandler shook his head and saw the little, chubby dark haired girl standing before him with a doll in her hand. She had very bright blue eyes and a big smile. She seemed happy.

"Hi."

"I'm Monica. Who are you?"

"Chandler. I'm-I'm here with Sophie."

"Oh, is she your mom?" Monica asked.

"Sure...yeah, she's my mom," Chandler said. That was just easier.

"She's pretty. I like to cook too. I baked brownies in my Easy Bake oven yesterday," Monica grinned.

"No, you didn't. You ate the batter before the brownies were done," the boy who had been playing with dinosaurs looked up.

"Shut up," Monica shot back.

"You did. You didn't wait for the brownies," the boy said.

"Shut up," Monica said. "That's my brother. He's annoying and stupid."

"I am not stupid. I know a lot more than you," the boy said.

"You're still stupid," Monica yelled.

Chandler laughed. The exchange between brother and sister made him sad. He wished he had had a sibling to do that with.

"You know, he didn't say he wasn't annoying. He just said he wasn't stupid," Chandler whispered. Monica's eyes brightened as she looked at him and back at her brother.

"No. You didn't, Ross. Ross, you said you were annoying," Monica squealed.

"No, I didn't," Ross said.

"Yes, you did. Ross admitted he was annoying and-"

"Monica," another little girl with long brown hair screamed from across the room. She was playing with a giant doll house. Next to her were two blonde girls, one seemed about five or six and the other twelve or thirteen.

"What, Rachel?" Monica asked.

"Come here and clean my doll house or I'm gonna tell Mindy that she's gonna be my first best friend and you're going to be my second best friend," Rachel yelled.

"Oh," Monica said, giving Chandler a look. Chandler could tell she was scared, "I have to go."

Monica ran off to go play with Rachel, leaving Chandler alone. He looked at his hands and then over to towards the boy who Monica had called, Ross. Chandler took a deep breath and jumped off the couch. He walked towards Ross and his friend as if he were walking on tightrope hundreds of feet in the air.

"Um...can...can I play?" Chandler asked, quietly.

"Yeah...who are you?" Ross asked.

"Chandler. I'm...Sophie, the caterer, brought me."

"Oh. I'm Ross. This is Will."

"Hey," Will said.

"Hey. So what grade are you guys in?" Chandler asked.

"Fifth," Ross said.

"Me too," Chandler said.

"You're weird. Why are you weird?" Will asked.

"I-I-I don't...I'm-I-" Chandler said. He felt so defeated. He did not know how to act in situations like this and it killed him. He stepped back and ran out of the room, up the steps and towards the kitchen. He saw Sophie setting up a platter and walked towards her, tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sophie asked.

"I'm weird."

"What? Who told you that?"

"I don't know how to play with other kids," Chandler whispered. Sophie looked at him sympathetically and nodded.

"Go crack a joke. Talk about _Star Wars._...sports. You like the hockey."

"Yeah. I wanna go home. I wanna watch some of my Charlie Chaplin films," Chandler said as Sophie looked at him, running her fingers through his hair.

"Hello?"

Chandler jumped again. He turned around and saw Monica standing before him. She was still smiling at him.

"Hi," Chandler said.

"Rachel's being mean to me and told me I couldn't be her friend anymore. So I don't have anyone to play with. Do you wanna play with me?"

Chandler opened his mouth and looked back at Sophie who simply nodded. Chandler looked back at Monica who had a pleading look in her eyes.

"Okay. Yeah, I'll play with you."

"Great."

Monica grabbed his hand and pulled him out of of the kitchen. She continued dragging him back to the room where all the kids were playing. Chandler noticed Ross still playing with Will, they didn't look at him. Monica dragged him towards a pile of board games. She pulled checkers out off the pile and sat down.

"Do you know how to play checkers?" Monica asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said, remembering the last time he had played checkers was with his father who had been dressed like Marilyn Monroe at the time and every time his father made a move, he'd take a break to kiss Ramon or Jorge...or both. It took them over an hour to play the game. He had a feeling this would be a cleaner game.

"So where do you live?" Monica asked.

"Scarsdale."

"What grade are you in?"

"Fifth."

"I'll be in fifth next year. When's your birthday?"

"April 8."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Wow, you ask a lot of questions."

"I'm sorry. I like asking questions. I mean, I know everything about me. I like to know about other people."

"Do you like jokes?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. What did the math book say to the doctor?"

"What?"

"I have a lot of problems."

Monica giggled which made Chandler smile as well.

"That was funny. Tell another one."

Chandler nodded and continued to tell one joke after the other, making this girl laugh. They played some checkers, but Chandler just concentrated on making her laugh. He wasn't really sure if he was playing correctly, but he liked making someone laugh, liked having someone listen or pay attention to him and right before he left to go home, Monica told him she had a present for him. She ran up to her room and came back with what looked like a bracelet made of different colored string.

"What is this?" Chandler asked.

"A friendship bracelet. I had made it for Rachel, but I don't want her to have it anymore. Do you want it?"

"Okay."

"It's so you know that where ever you go, you will always have a friend," Monica grinned.

Chandler smiled as Monica gave him a hug before walking out the door. He spent the entire care ride home staring at that bracelet. He was pretty certain he would never actually wear it, he didn't like wearing bracelets or jewelry, it reminded him too much of his dad, but he would definitely keep it forever and if he ever ran into that girl again, he would have to get her something. Maybe he'd take her to a movie..

He was riding on a high after that party. He was happy that Sophie had dragged him to there. He liked being with someone his own age. He liked playing and loved that he had gotten that present. He only wished he had more people to play with. Instead of going to his room or going to find his mom though, he went to his typical place, that movie theater. He opened the doors and walked straight to the projection room to start loading some Chaplin tapes. He looked out at the theater and was taken aback a bit. His mom was sitting there. He left the projection room and walked towards her.

"Mom?"

Nora looked at Chandler and immediately pulled him into her, hugging him. Chandler would not show it but he did like his mom hugging him, but that good feeling quickly diminished as Nora pulled Chandler over her knee and proceeded to spank him. Even though Rick had long ago, Nora had begun to spank Chandler with more frequency thinking it might help discipline him more. Chandler wasn't sure he agreed and it was not lost on him that this was second time his sanctuary had been interrupted by something not nice. As his mother smacked his bottom, he made a mental note to perhaps make a lock for the front of the theater to keep adults out. When Nora was finished, Chandler stood up, rubbed his rear end and looked at the floor.

"You took one of Alex's tablets after I told you not to, right?" Nora asked.

"I'm sorry. He said it was like candy."

"It wasn't candy. It was LSD. He gave you drugs."

"I figured it out."

"Alex and I broke up. Where have you been?"

"With Sophie. She took me to a party she was catering. There were kids there my age. It was fun. This girl gave me a friendship bracelet.I-I want friends my age. I wanna go to the batting cages and the go see the Rangers and...I wanna...I don't know."

"I understand. Maybe for your eleventh birthday, we'll do something like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Oh, honey...I'm so sorry. I'm a very bad mother."

"No. You're just different."

"If something had happened to you..."

"Did you look for me?" Chandler asked.

"I didn't want to find you dead. Please, never do something like that again. I may not be the best mother but there is no one who loves you more."

Chandler smiled as Nora gave him a hug. Nora looked at him, sad. It was a look he had never seen in his mother's eyes before. It actually seemed like fear. Was she actually worried?

"What were you going to watch?" Nora asked.

"Charlie Chaplin. And I wanted to watch _The Jazz Singer_ and _Star Wars._ Will you watch with me?"

"Yes. You love this room, don't you?"

"Yeah...it's where all the funny is."

Chandler ran off to set up the projector and get the movie set up. After setting it up, he ran back and took a seat next to his mom. Nora placed her arm around Chandler.

"I love you, you know that right?" Nora asked, kissing Chandler on the top of the head. "I was so scared. I almost lost you. Please know that I love you."

"I know."

"And we're gonna start getting you into clubs."

"Mom," Chandler groaned.

"Not those kinds of clubs. Tennis, hockey, baseball, basketball, swimming...sports types of clubs."

"Yeah. Those are fun and then maybe I can have friends my age and invite them to my birthday."

"Sounds good...still won't be at Chuck E. Cheese."

"It's okay. I don't really like that place anyway. Let's watch," Chandler said as he pressed play. Chandler noticed a change in his mother. She seemed sad, depressed. He hoped she'd keep her promise though. That maybe he would finally get the life he wanted, the birthday he wanted. Something that could be his.


	4. Chapter 4

**April 8, 1980**

Chandler Bing was eleven years old and he was very excited. Fifth grade had been a very good year for him. Sure, his home life was just as chaotic as it always had been but school had been okay. He had not been suspended all year and he had a good teacher named Mr. Brightman. Mr. Brightman had made a deal with Chandler back in September. If Chandler listened and did not goof around, he would get five minutes at the end of every class to tell jokes. There were definitely days were he didn't earn those five minutes, but because today was his birthday and it fell on a Tuesday, Mr. Brightman was giving him ten minutes as his birthday gift.

"So I'm gonna tell jokes for ten minutes. So cool. Are you gonna come today, mom?" Chandler asked as they sat at the breakfast table.

"I'm going to try," Nora said.

Chandler nodded. Ever since that failed New Years where Chandler had taken the LSD tablet, Nora had indeed tried although trying didn't always mean a lot. There were still the crazy, wild parties that happened practically every night. Chandler still drank booze and stayed up way too late and spent a lot of his time alone in that theater watching comedies, but his mom did follow through on her promise to enroll him in sports. Chandler was now taking tennis lessons and joined a junior ice hockey league. He had a made a couple friends in class and he was allowed at their houses even if they still weren't allowed at his. He was fine with that. His mom also told him he was going to camp that summer while she went on a book tour to promote her latest erotic novel. Chandler could not wait for camp. He wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by kids his own age. He was going to a camp called, Camp Kramer. He spent hours poring over the brochures. He even wondered if that chubby girl who he had met at the New Years party Sophie took him too would be there. He reached in his pocket and wrapped his fingers around the friendship bracelet that girl had given him before he had left her house that day. He always kept in his pocket.

"At this camp...I can go swimming and play basketball and then they have baseball and...they have a talent show. Maybe I can do some comedy stuff and they have choir. Can I sing?"

"I've heard you sing. You have a beautiful voice," Sophie grinned, running her fingers through his hair as she placed a plate of breakfast in front of him. "Now, eat your breakfast. You're eleven years old today, you have to keep up your strength."

"I do. Oh wow... they have everything at camp. They even have movie nights. I wonder what we'll watch? I bet they'd let me be in charge of movie nights. They have arts and crafts...and campfires. What's a s'more?"

"I'll make you one for dinner. Put away the brochure and eat breakfast," Sophie said.

Chandler nodded and threw the brochure onto the table. He dug into his breakfast, still feeling happy.

"Sophie, are you going to come to school today? Are you gonna bring stuff? Bring s'mores. Those sound like they'd be good," Chandler asked.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it sweetie...I'm not gonna bring s'mores though," Sophie said.

"Well, if you have Sophie there, you don't need me. She'll be the one with the food," Nora said.

"No, I want you there," Chandler said. "I want you to hear my jokes. He said I could have ten minutes this time. The jokes I can make in ten minutes...I mean, I got twenty minutes alone on the funny rat thing on the top of his head."

"I wouldn't open with that," Sophie said.

"Yeah...he might get mad."

"Okay, I will be there," Nora said. She was sitting next to Chandler, leafing through her latest book. 'The Erotica Ball'. "You know we should give copies of my book as party favors this weekend."

"No. Mom, no...you promised it would be a normal birthday party. The parents of the kids in my class are actually letting them come because they're fine with a birthday party at Castle Park Mini Golf and Arcade. They don't want their child to get books where eight of the characters gang bang each other and have group orgies. By the way, I looked it up, I should not know what those words mean."

"Yes, you should. There's nothing wrong with you knowing about sex. Your wife will thank me one day," Nora said.

"Only if she enjoys a good old fashioned gang bang followed by a wild group orgy," Chandler said.

"Alright, enough of this. Eat up and I will take you to school," Sophie said.

"Speaking of eating up...Chandler, let me read you some of my book-" Nora said.

"No," Chandler said. "Gross. I should not know what that means."

Nora let out a laugh as she continued reading her book. Chandler ate breakfast while reading the box of the cereal box in front of him. Promises were never his mother's strongest suit although she tried and it was more than his father ever did. He had not spoken to his dad in two years.

Sophie drove up to the school and parked. Before getting out, Chandler looked over at her. He knew as soon as he had left the house. He knew as soon as he got in the car.

"She's not gonna come, is she?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know, sweetie."

"I hope she does. It would be nice," Chandler said.

"I know."

Chandler got out of the car and walked into the school where he was greeted by Principal Allens and Gladys. He would never admit it because he knew enough to know that kids weren't supposed to say this about their principals, but he liked Principal Allens. Ever since Principal Allens gave Chandler all those comedy albums, Chandler felt almost bonded to him and this year, he got more. Before Chandler headed to class, Principal Allens handed Chandler a stack of new comedy albums and Gladys gave him a new Star Wars Action figure. Chandler was thrilled. It really did seem like the school cared more about him than his parents. He hoped that wasn't true, but deep down he thought it might be.

Sophie arrived in the class around 2:30 for Chandler's birthday. There were cupcakes, there were juice boxes, there were friends singing Happy Birthday. The only person not there was his mom. He desperately wanted her to be there. He wanted her to hear him do comedy, to see his friends, to meet his teacher. It was not lost on him that he was almost in the sixth grade and neither his mother nor his father had ever met one of his teachers. They had never been to a Parent Teacher conference, nothing. It made him sad that his parents took so little interest in him, it always had. He did do his comedy in class though, those ten minutes where he got to make his friends laugh, his teacher and the principal. He loved it. When he was making people laugh, the attention was on him. He didn't have to think about his mom not being there or anything else that could be upsetting him. He could put his focus somewhere else. A therapist had once called his humor "a defense mechanism". He often wondered why that was a bad thing? The characters in his favorite comedies were always cracking jokes, diffusing situations with humor. Even in the silent films, they were doing that and no one ever decided that it was a mechanism. He liked to make people laugh, it was easier than dealing with what his life truly was, a bizarre world in which he was stuck between childhood and adulthood.

That night, Chandler did not ask where his mom had been. He had gotten the answer immediately. Nora had met a new guy. His name was Keaton and reminded Chandler of those Keystone Cops from those Chaplin films. He was dirty and had long stringy black hair. He talked slowly too and seemed very fond of his cigarettes or what Chandler thought were cigarettes. The smoke from it though seemed to give Chandler cravings for chips and pretzels.

"Sorry I couldn't come to school today. Keaton and I got so wrapped up in...well, let's just say, we did something that will definitely be in my next novel," Nora said.

"You didn't do it in the theater, did you?" Chandler asked.

"No...no...I haven't done it in there in a long time," Nora said.

"Wait, what?" Chandler asked.

"You know, it's my baby's eleventh birthday today. We're gonna start the party today," Nora said as she gently moved her hand up and down Keaton's thigh.

"It's Tuesday. I have homework," Chandler said.

"On your birthday?" Nora asked.

"Yeah. I have to read a chapter from Sounder which is really good. I have to answer questions about it and then I have to do some fractions and a multiplication review-"

"I know multiplication tables," Keaton smiled, "twelve times two is-"

"Twenty four," Chandler finished.

"No, kid...it's forty eight."

"I'm pretty sure it's twenty four because twelve plus twelve is twenty four which would make twelve times two-"

"Forty eight," Keaton said.

"Okay."

"Oh, Chandler sweetie...isn't Keaton a genius?" Nora asked.

"Yes, definitely. Wouldn't want him doing my taxes, but sure," Chandler said.

"Why doesn't Keaton do your homework for you and you can start the party off," Nora said.

"No...no, that's really okay," Chandler said.

"I can...I even read that sounding book," Keaton said.

"Sounder?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...it's about music man, music," Keaton said.

"It's about a poor black kid and his family. Sounder's the name of his dog," Chandler said.

"That too," Keaton said.

Chandler grinned and nodded. He continued eating, ignoring the sight of his mother and Keaton groping each other right in front of him. Instead, he spent dinner reading more about camp. He wondered if other kids were as excited as he was to go to summer camp. He could not wait to get away.

The rest of the week, Chandler barely saw his mother. She and Keaton were too wrapped up in each other, spending most of the time at the club downstairs or up in Nora's bedroom. Chandler didn't care as he was used to that. He would spend his time watching his movies or doing homework or reading more about camp. He knew exactly what activities he was going to do, writing each one down. He would even learn how to make one of those friendship bracelets so he could give it to Sophie to give to that little girl he had seen at the New Years party. He could not recall her name, but she had given him a friendship bracelet just before he left. Sure it had been meant for the girl's friend, but Chandler didn't care. He was glad he got it.

Friday night, the party started. Nora had decided to throw a huge party at the club for Chandler. Nora had still wanted a club party for him and Chandler was fine with that as long as he got his mini golf birthday with his mom pretending to be normal. Chandler sat in the plushy seats after running back and forth through the foam and bubbles, getting sopping wet. His mom and Keaton brought over some tequila shots. Keaton was still smoking those giant cigarettes.

"Here you go...birthday shots," Keaton grinned.

"Thanks," Chandler said as he along with his mother and Keaton down the shots. Keaton filled Chandler's glass up again and Chandler drank a little more before looking at his mom, "okay, so mom...tomorrow, you'll be normal?"

"Of course...it's going to be so boring tomorrow, Keaton. Mini Golf and an arcade," Nora said.

"Ugh, why do want your birthday there?" Keaton asked.

"Because I'm eleven," Chandler said.

"Alright, hey, kid...you should take a hit of this," Keaton said, handing Chandler his cigarette.

"I don't smoke cigarettes," Chandler said.

"This isn't a cigarette," Keaton said.

"Keaton, I don't know," Nora said.

"It's just pot. It's not addicting and besides, he's already drinking," Keaton said.

"Okay, take a hit, honey," Nora said.

Keaton handed Chandler the fat looking cigarette. Chandler held it to his lips and took a long deep breath. He ended up hacking a little. Keaton laughed as he patted Chandler on the back. Keaton then instructed him how to do it and soon he was getting the hang of it. He was smoking pot and as the party went on, Chandler found himself not only drunk, but stoned and craving potato chips. So half way through the party, Keaton and and Chandler took some liquor from the party, chips from the kitchen and went to the theater to watch _Animal House_. Chandler was actually starting to like Keaton, watching the movies with him was kind of fun.

Saturday was Chandler's party and despite being very hung over, he was still beyond excited. He could not wait to hang with his friends. He could not wait to play in the arcade and play golf. It was his day and it started out so well until it didn't. First surprise was his father, Charles. Chandler had not seen Charles in two years and it shocked him when Charles showed up at Castle Park but not dressed normally. He was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Nora and Keaton weren't much better, while they tried, Chandler could tell they had smoked pot before they had come to the mini-golf place. Second surprise came somewhere between the third and fourth hole and that was when everything suddenly crashed down around him.

His buddy, Evan, had seen them first. They had been standing in front of the windmill. Keaton standing in the middle, his pants down. Nora leaning in front of him, her head bobbing and Charles on the other side of Keaton, sucking his neck. Chandler could feel his ears turning red as his classmates giggled behind him. He was furious. They couldn't do it. They couldn't be normal. Chandler picked up a golf ball, knowing he would probably get in a lot of trouble but no longer caring. This was his day and with one swift motion of his arm, he chucked the golf ball, hitting Keaton in the head. Keaton, Nora and Charles stopped and turned towards Chandler. Keaton rubbed his head as Chandler stared angrily at his parents. Nora stormed towards him and grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to spank him in front of every person in his class. With every smack, Chandler could hear the uncomfortable giggles of his classmates and the gasps of the parents. When she was done, she pulled Chandler off the golf course and into the car, telling him the party was over. Chandler sat angrily in the back seat as tears streamed down his face. He looked back as his mom drove out of the lot, leaving his friends, the cake and all of his birthday presents behind.

That night, Chandler was sent to his room but instead decided to sneak over to the theater to watch movies. As he walked past his room, he heard voices coming from his mom's room. He walked towards the room and heard his mom and dad shouting at each other.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Nora said. "His behavior keeps getting worse and worse and I don't know why."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Charles asked.

"Take him. Take him for the summer. I can't be worried about him while on my book tour," Nora said.

"I can't take him. I have-"

"Take him over the summer, Charles. He's your son."

"Wait...what about camp?" Chandler asked, stepping inside the room.

"I told you to go to your room," Nora said.

"What about camp? I wanna go to camp this summer," Chandler said.

"No, not after what happened today. There's no way," Nora said.

"But that wasn't my fault. I wanna go to camp. Please. Let me go to camp. Please. You promised you would be normal today and you weren't. You broke your promise," Chandler cried.

"Go to your room," Nora said.

"I hate you so much," Chandler said, sobbing as he walked out of the room and ran downstairs towards the theater. He loaded in some of his movies and began watching, hoping that the comedy would overtake him and his tears would dry up. This wasn't his fault. His mom had broken the promise, not him. He wasn't sure why he was getting blamed.

"So you aren't going to your room?"

Chandler looked up and saw his father standing next to him. Charles sat down next to him and gave him a sympathetic look. Charles was still dressed in his Dorothy outfit.

"No and you can't make me either. You haven't spoken to me in two years."

"I know."

"You never even said goodbye to me. Why didn't you say goodbye?" Chandler asked.

"It just would have been too hard. I couldn't say goodbye to you," Charles said.

Chandler let out a sigh as the tears filled his eyes. What about him? He remembered when he had taken that LSD pill and his mom had not gone looking for him because she felt it would be too hard. It all seemed so ridiculous. He was the child. When did he get to act like one?

"Why can't you and mom be normal? For one day?" Chandler asked, crying again. "That was all I wanted. One day. It wasn't even one whole day, it was like five hours. You couldn't have been normal for five hours? Every single one of my birthdays have been with your friends or mom's friends. I wanted one birthday with my friends. Why didn't I get that?"

"It's not the family you were born into," Charles said.

"I want another family. One day. I asked for one day."

"You're staying with me this summer."

"No," Chandler cried.

"You can be part of my show and I can teach you how to pluck eyebrows and give beauty treatments."

"I don't want to and why are you and mom disciplining me now? I went almost eleven years without discipline."

"We were wrong not to and we're doing it now before you get too out of control. You are not going to camp this summer."

"That's not fair. It's not fair at all. I am not going with you this summer and I'm not going to school on Monday. All the kids are going to make fun of me. It's not fair," Chandler said.

"Well, if they make jokes, then make a joke back. Since when has my son not been able to make a joke."

"One day, I'm gonna leave this house and I'm never coming back, ever and I'm not going up to my room, I'm staying here. You and mom don't get to make rules for me to follow if you can't even be normal for a day. That was all I asked. All I asked and I didn't get that and I'm getting in trouble for it," Chandler said, starting to cry again. "I mean, mom brings home guys who offer me pot or LSD and you dress funny and...I've been drunk, stoned and high and no one blinks but I throw a golf ball at mom's stoner boyfriend and all hell breaks loose."

"Yep. Sorry...but you know, if you want...I can't watch a movie with you," Charles said as he reached into his wicker basket and pulled out a package and handed it to Chandler.

"If it's a condom, don't bother. Mom got me one already."

"Open it, smart ass."

Chandler did as told and through his tears, a smile appeared on his face. His father had gotten him two Monty Python movies.

"_Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail _and _Life of Brian_."

"Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Chandler said.

"Can I watch with you?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Chandler ran up to the projection room and set up the movies. He walked back down to watch with his father. His father placed his arm around Chandler, although this time he did not move towards his dad. He kept his eyes focused on the screen. He would get out of there, he knew he would. Somehow he would. He would make a life for himself far away from his parents.

The rest of the weekend was fairly quiet for Chandler. His mom, Keaton and his father threw huge parties in the club acting as if Chandler's party at mini golf had never happened. Chandler spent the entire weekend shut down in the theater, watching movie after movie. Sophie would join him and bring him food, but he did not leave the room only to go to the bathroom. He did not speak to his mother.

That Monday, Sophie pulled up to the curb and Chandler sat frozen against the seat. The memory of what had had happened flashed in his brain again. He wanted to be back in that theater again.

"I can't go in there," Chandler said.

"Yes, you can."

"Am I bad?" Chandler asked.

"What?"

"Am I bad kid? A bad person? How come mom and dad couldn't act normal? How come I can't go to summer camp now because mom, dad and Keaton were engaged in a threesome in the middle of a golf course."

"I don't know. Oh, honey, I don't know. But you are not bad. You're not. You're an amazing kid."

"Do you think I'll ever have normal?" Chandler asked.

"Yes."

"I bet the girl who gave me the friendship bracelet has normal," Chandler said as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. "You know what she told me when she gave it to me? That all I had to do was look at it and I'd know I have a friend. I don't remember her name right this second, right now...but it was very nice."

"Maybe you'll meet her again one day."

"Doubt it."

Chandler got out of the car and walked towards the front gates when Gladys stopped him, telling him that Principal Allens wanted to speak with him. Chandler was nervous, wondering if he was about to get into trouble for what had happened at his party. Chandler followed Gladys into Principal Allens office and sat in one of the chairs, Gladys sat next to him.

"Chandler," Principal Allens let out a sigh.

"Am I suspended?" Chandler asked.

"No, no...but we do know what happened Saturday. We got some calls," Principal Allens said.

"And I'm friends with a couple of the parents that were there," Gladys said.

"Oh. So I'm expelled?" Chandler asked.

"No. We're checking in and warning you, you have not been suspended all year. It's April, you got two months left. You can get through this, okay?" Principal Allens explained.

"Okay. I like it here. It's normal."

"We like having you here. Get through it," Principal Allens said.

"Here's the comedian."

Chandler turned to see his teacher, Mr. Brightman, standing behind him, grinning at him. Mr. Brightman walked over to him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Okay, here's the deal," Mr. Brightman explained, "I'm giving you ten minutes at the beginning of class today to make any jokes you want...not about your family, 'cause I wanna keep it clean. You got ten minutes. You gotta go prepare."

"We're helping you. You're a good kid, Chandler," Principal Allens said.

"Thank you," Chandler said as he got out of the chair and followed his teacher to the class where all the kids kept looking at him, snickering. He did get ten minutes which he appreciated. Ten minutes of making the other kids laugh, but despite the principal's best efforts, despite everyone's best efforts, it did no good. The kids still kept making fun of him, calling him names. Chandler couldn't handle it anymore so he went looking for a prank to get the heat off him, to make people remember him as funny. He found it when he snuck into the teachers lounge and found a pack of balloons in one of the drawers. He filled them with water and at the end of the day, he began throwing them at teachers in front of the other kids. The other kids laughed, the Principal did not and Chandler found himself suspended for the rest of the year. He would be able to make up all the work he would miss in summer school and attend sixth grade in the fall, but he would not be allowed back in school for the remainder of the year. When asked why he had done what he did, he didn't know and his mom was furious when she found out, so furious that she had to have Keaton spank Chandler. Chandler hated that. Nora yelled at him while he lay across Keaton's lap, getting smacked, tears running down his face. Sophie just kept giving him sympathy looks and the next day, instead of going to school, Chandler was sent to spend the next five months in Los Angeles with his father and do all the work he needed to do in order to start sixth grade in the fall.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summer 1980**

This was not how eleven year old Chandler Bing had planned to spend his summer. He had planned on going to camp and do arts and crafts. He wanted to swim and play tennis and basketball and make friends. But that was far from what he was doing. He was in Los Angeles for the summer, living with his father plucking the eyebrows of the dancers in the show. His dad did a weekly show at a restaurant called, Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood. He performed a drag show there twice a week. He also ran a weekly Drag Queen Bingo game there once a week. Chandler would spend three evenings a week there. His dad also spent four days a week in Vegas, doing shows there, trying to get himself noticed so he could start a drag show of his own. With the exception of those three days a week when Chandler went to Hamburger Mary's to help out his dad, he spent the other days doing other things. As soon as Chandler had finished up all the work that was required for him to finish the fifth grade and start sixth in the fall, Charles enrolled him in tennis classes, singing lessons, basketball lessons, swimming lessons, comedy lessons and batting lessons. Chandler went from one activity to the next, rarely seeing his dad and he wondered if the reason his dad did that was so he didn't have to spend time with him because even during those three nights a week at Hamburger Mary's, Chandler never really got the chance to bond with his dad. Charles had hired a team to help look out for him.

His favorite of all the activities were the tennis lessons and doing the comedy stuff. His dad had enrolled him in a Children's Comedy Workshop where he got to tell jokes and do improv and things. He loved it and was good at it. He was very good at it. He had friends there. He was making friends there and because his father was never home, he could actually have friends over to his house. His dad had rented a large mansion in the Hollywood Hills. It overlooked the entire city and Chandler had free reign. His other favorite activity was the tennis lessons. He loved playing tennis, hitting the ball, pretending it was the face of his parents or Rick or Alex or Keaton or some other nameless guy. He was good at, almost as good at the comedy. Despite the fact that he couldn't go to camp, it was actually turning out to be an okay summer.

It was also the summer of his first party, an actual kids party. He was thrilled. It was now July 4th weekend and a kid named, Hank, from Chandler's comedy class had invited him. As Chandler's driver drove him to the home, it occurred to him that he had never actually been invited to another peer's party before. He spent so much of his time alone with all those comedies he watched that it was only when surrounded by kids his own age in a party situation, he realized he had no idea how to act.

"What do I talk about?" Chandler asked as Carl drove through the hills. Carl was a middle aged man who had been hired specifically to drive Chandler from place to place. He was a nice enough man and Chandler liked sitting up front with him instead of in the back, alone. Carl would play all sorts of music for him and tell him what the lyrics meant, even the lyrics of the dirtier songs. Carl, much like Sophie back home in New York, felt bad for Chandler.

"No discussions of drinking or drugs. Don't talk about what you do at Hamburger Mary's-"

"I know that. It's sad, isn't it?" Chandler asked.

"What is?"

"That I don't spend time with other kids. That I don't really get invited places. I don't know how to act around other kids. It's sad, right?"

"You're growing up differently."

"I don't want to grow up differently."

"You weren't asked."

"I know. I wish I had been. This will be fun. He has a tennis court and Hank told me there will be hot dogs and a cotton candy machine and s'mores. He says his mom is making s'mores. I still haven't one of those."

"You should have one...and maybe Lizzie will be there," Carl smiled.

Chandler grinned as his face turned bright red. Lizzie Koniston was girl in his comedy class. She was pretty with pale skin, long, dark hair and brilliant crystal blue eyes. It was something about that skin/eye/hair color combination that always made Chandler feel happy. He always seemed to be drawn to girls who looked like that. Chandler had told Carl about this once and Carl had joked that Chandler had developed a type.

"She might...be."

"She's your type," Carl grinned.

"No...no...I like Bo Derrick and Farrah Fawcett and they don't have dark hair...although Wonder Woman is nice."

Carl laughed as he shook his head, "what are you going to say to her if you see her?"

"Nothing. I'm not gonna talk to her."

"Why not?"

"She's a girl."

"And?"

"I'm not...you can't talk to girls."

"I'm married to one...we began our relationship by talking," Carl said.

"No. I mean, it's one thing to talk to her in class or talk to a girl in school but regularly...no. That's...no. I couldn't do that."

"Say hello to her."

"And then I burst into flames?" Chandler asked.

"Say hello...ask her about school. Is she from here. If she isn't...then ask about where's she from-"

"Like that girl at the New Years party Sophie took me to. She kept me asking lots and lots of questions about myself."

"How did that make you feel?" Charles asked.

"Weird. Although she was pretty. Her eyes were pretty."

"Wait and did you talk to that girl?"

"She was easy to talk to. Lizzie's...Lizzie's...she's different. If I talk to her, I will die."

"Change the pronouns and it's like talking to your father."

Chandler laughed at that. Carl was funny, very funny. He wished that Carl could be his father and Sophie could have been his mother. He bet his life would have been far less stressful had that been the case.

Once at the party, Chandler stood on the perimeter watching everyone. He wasn't sure what his next step was supposed to be. He reached into his pocket, a habit that was becoming one of his signature moves. He grabbed hold of that friendship bracelet.

"Chandler."

A little girl with her chocolate brown hair in two long pigtails ran toward him. She was wearing a green and white gingham bathing suit, white skirt and white flip flops. When she grabbed hold of his arm, he immediately stood a little straighter, feeling like an electric shock was going through his body.

"Lizzie, hi."

"There you are. I knew you'd come."

"Yeah...so where are you from?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"And I burst into flames...now."

"You're weird," Lizzie said, with a grin.

"Ehhh."

"Come on. The pool is so fun," Lizzie said as she pulled him off. Chandler still felt that strange tingly feeling as he walked off. He felt so uncomfortable at first which felt strange to him, he felt more comfortable at the parties with parents friends then he did at parties like this. He wasn't sure that was normal. He did start to understand though why his mom and dad always drank at those parties. He always felt so much more comfortable when he had had few.

The party ended up being surprisingly fun. He had played in the pool, splashing around and even purposely splashing Lizzie every chance he got which thankfully she found funny. It was strange to him how well liked he was. He never really gave much thought to whether or not he was liked, he had always assumed he wasn't. He always figured it was because of who he was and the only time he really felt comfortable talking was when he was making jokes. He had never given thought to his own social skills, just figured he didn't have them, but hanging out, eating hot dogs and cotton candy, swimming, playing around, he was actually enjoying himself and to top it off, at the end of the night, all the kids sat looking up at the sky as the fireworks burst in the sky. Lizzie sat next to him.

"I'm from Tulsa, by the way," Lizzie said.

"What?"

"You had asked me where I was from and I realized I hadn't told you. I'm from Oklahoma. I'm visiting my grandparents."

"I'm from New York. I'm visiting my dad."

"Oh. Do you have a lot of girlfriends at home?"

"Three. Wonder Woman, Bo Derrick and Farrah Fawcett. You have any boyfriends?"

"Shawn Cassidy"

"Cool. I can't wait to go home though. I've been here since April."

"April? You gotta miss school?"

"Yeah."

"Wow...they let you do that?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah, they actually wanted me to do that. I got suspended. I pulled a prank. I threw water balloons at the teachers," Chandler explained.

"That's funny."

"I thought so."

The way Lizzie stared at Chandler made him feel slightly uncomfortable but uncomfortable in a good way. He felt his face burn up as she reached for his hand and before he knew it, her lips were pressed up against his. His eyes widened, not sure what was going on. She smiled at him as she pulled away.

"Happy Fourth of July," Lizzie said.

"Uh-huh."

Chandler's eyes were still wide as she turned to watch the fireworks and gently placed her head on his shoulder. He turned as well but was no longer paying attention to anything. A girl had just kissed him...on the lips. It felt good.

When Carl picked him up that night, Chandler could not wait to fill him in and the first thing Chandler told him was about the kiss.

"She kissed me."

"Wow...good going. Did you enjoy it?" Carl asked.

"Yes. I-I wanted to do it again."

"Did you?"

"No...she kissed me like on the mouth. This is so much better than that friendship bracelet."

"Congratulations, kid."

"She kissed me. Me. She kissed...me."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just sat really, really still."

"Did you move?" Carl asked.

"No. Why would I move? When she kissed me, I was really, really still because I-I thought if I moved, she would stop and I didn't want her to stop so I was-I-I was like a statue...and I don't think I've blinked in over an hour."

Carl laughed as Chandler talked. He really liked this kid and found himself wondering the same thing that Sophie, Principal Allens and Gladys had often wondered, why didn't Chandler's parents take the time to get to know what each one of them knew. Chandler Bing was actually turning out to be a pretty cool kid, despite what was stacked against him.

"So when do you think you'll see her again."

"In class...and then she put her head on my shoulder...and then stayed there and when we were swimming today she didn't even get mad that I dunked her underwater or splashed her every time she swam near me. Do girls like that?"

"She likes you."

"Really. Cool."

"And you like her."

"Well, yeah...but...wow. She kissed me."

"I know. Mazel Tov."

"Why did that girl from New Years only give me a friendship bracelet? She should have kissed me instead."

"Maybe you'll run into her one day and she will kiss you."

"No, she lost her chance."

Carl continued laughing as Chandler could not stop grinning and the grin remained on his face the entire night. He was liking Los Angeles, although he refused to admit it. He liked the weather and playing and doing all the activities. He liked hanging out with Carl, the driver. He liked hanging out with new friends. It made him feel so conflicted about returning home. He missed New York, but he liked what has happening in L.A.. He had people to play with it and as the summer wore down, it dawned on him that he had not watched one comedy movie all summer and he didn't really miss it.

What he did miss and what did make him sad was how little he hung out with his father. Prior to spending the last five months in California, he had not seen his father in two years and in the five months he was spending in Los Angeles, he had barely seen his dad except during those drag nights at Hamburger Mary's which he hated. He knew he wasn't supposed to be there, he knew he was doing things he should not have been doing and all he wanted to do was spend one day with his dad or at least have his dad be part of something he was interested in.

As July turned to August, Chandler's days in Los Angeles were numbered. He was wrapping up all of his activities. There were swim meets and tennis matches, he won every tennis match and lost all the swim meets. His tennis instructor even gave Chandler the name of a coach in New York who worked with professional tennis players because he thought Chandler was good and he was. Chandler knew he was. During his last big match of the summer, he had hoped his dad would be there, but unfortunately, he had been in Vegas. He was happy thought that Carl and the rest of the house staff were there to cheer him on, as well as a lot of the kids and parents from the comedy class he took. Lizzie was there. He loved that she was there and it made him play harder. He ended up killing his opponent and it was not lost on him that he finally got his moment to shine...when his parents weren't there.

After the tennis match, he had a final show with Children's Comedy Workshop. He had wished his dad had been there, but he couldn't go to that either. Chandler loved standing up there, playing and making people laugh. It made sad to say good by to the comedy group though. They had accepted him with such open arms. All the kids gave Chandler their phone numbers and in turn, he gave them his. He hoped they would all keep in touch, especially Lizzie. It made him sad to leave her, to say goodbye. When they exchanged numbers, he stared at her, holding it as tightly as he could. He loved everything about that number, everything about how she wrote her name, dotting the eyes with hearts.

"So will you call me?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah. I will. Will you call me?" Chandler asked.

After the final performance of the comedy group, a group of parents had taken all the kids out for pizza and sodas. Chandler and Lizzie sat together, eating pepperoni pizza and talking.

"Yeah. Chandler, you were so funny today."

"Thanks. You were too. I liked your skit."

"And you played tennis well too. You should be a tennis player when you grow up...or a comic."

"Okay," Chandler said, nodding. If she wanted him to, he would and he would call that number to invite her to a game or a show.

It had been an amazing summer indeed. He had just wished his father had been there with him. He wished someone from his family had cared enough to see him. He hadn't even spoken to his own mom in five months. He bet his mom would have been proud of him kissing a girl. Although, he and Lizzie never kissed again after that July 4th party, but that memory was enough to carry him for a long time.

Chandler's last day in Los Angeles, he was woken up by his father. Charles was dressed in a short, hot pink silky robe. Chandler groaned as he opened his eyes.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Time to get up. It's your last day."

"Okay."

"I wanna go to Disneyland. So...I wanna take you. I realize I haven't spent anytime with you."

"You're just realizing this?"

"Well, it's tough work putting on shows."

"Yeah...I know. I did the comedy shows," Chandler said.

"Oh, yeah...I wish I could have seen them."

"I was good and I won all the tennis matches. My coach gave me a number of a guy in New York who can work with me."

"Impressive, but not shocking. Bing men are very good with balls."

"Dad."

"Come on, Disneyland."

"Just you and me?"

"Yep. All day."

Chandler smiled. He had never been to Disneyland. He had always wanted to go. He had seen commercials on TV and it seemed so magical.

"Will you dress normally?" Chandler asked.

"For you, I will."

"Good."

Chandler immediately got up and got dressed. As he got ready, he got more and more excited for Disneyland. He wanted to go on every single ride. He wanted to eat a churro. His excitement built as he imagined eating with his father and telling him all about his summer. He'd tell him about Lizzie and the comedy and tennis. He'd tell him everything.

After getting dressed, he ran downstairs to see his father dressed as Elizabeth Taylor. He was dripping in sequins and fake jewelry. Chandler's heart sank.

"Dad, that's not dressed normally."

"I know. I am so sorry. We have a change in plans."

"What?"

"Show at Hamburger Mary's. Someone canceled and I was asked to fill in last minute."

"But...okay, do I still get to go to Disneyland? Carl can take me."

"No, Chandler...I need you. You're the best eyebrow plucker I have on staff. You may need to fill in again for the 'It's Raining Men' number. I also just got word that there might be a scout today so everything needs to be perfect. I might get a shot at Vegas out of it...a headlining show, not an opening one."

Chandler let out a sigh as he sat. The chef placing a plate of food in front of him. Chandler began to wonder if Disneyland was ever a possibility. Was it just a set up? The last thing he wanted to do was spend the day plucking eyebrows and helping his dad as his dad had not been there for him all summer.

Chandler did as told though and reluctantly went with his dad to Hamburger Mary's. He plucked eyebrows, gave beauty treatments but decided at the last moment that maybe he should pull a prank. He wanted to get back at his dad for lying about Disneyland. He walked back towards the kitchen and grabbed two hamburger patties and taped them to his chest. Then he put on his raincoat for the 'It's Raining Men' number. He stuffed some tomatoes in the pockets and in his shorts. His dad was freaking out as there were scouts there. Chandler got on stage, just as told and as his dad began the number, as if on cue, Chandler began throwing tomatoes into the audience and ripped off his jacket, running around with the patties on his chest. His father grabbed him by the arm and pulled him off stage and pulled Chandler over his knee and began spanking him, hard. Chandler winced a little with each smack.

"You ruined my career," Charles said.

"You ruined my life," Chandler shot back as Charles smacked Chandler's rear end another time.

"Say you're sorry," Charles said.

"No."

When Charles was finished, he told Carl to take Chandler home. Charles didn't come home that night and the next morning, Carl drove Chandler to the airport. His father once again, did not say goodbye and when Chandler landed in New York, he went outside to wait. No one was there to pick him up. After five hours of waiting, he reached into his bag. He had a feeling this would happen, so he found the number he was looking for and dialed.

"Hi. I'm home, can you pick me up?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler. No one told me you were coming home today," Sophie said.

"Yeah. I've been here for five hours. My mom isn't home."

"Poor thing. I'm on my way."

Chandler waited and soon enough, Sophie pulled up to the curb and Chandler got inside. Sophie hugged him.

"How was it?"

"A girl kissed me. I got in trouble because at dad's show, I threw tomatoes at people. He told me we were going to Disneyland and then he lied."

"Alright, this year...no more pranks, please. I don't want you getting suspended this year."

"Why don't my parents like me?"

"They do."

"No, they don't. They don't want me around."

"Well, I do...so a girl kissed you."

"Yes," Chandler grinned.

"You cheated on the girl who gave you the friendship bracelet. You're future wife," Sophie teased.

"No. I did not. Stop. That is not my future wife. I don't even remember her name," Chandler argued. "Isn't Lizzie a pretty name? Lizzie...I can call her Liz."

Sophie smiled as she drove Chandler back to his house. It was empty, he had no clue where his mom was and he didn't really care. He made himself dinner, grabbed a notepad and pen and walked into the theater. He loaded up all his movies that he knew had kissing in them and began watching and taking notes. He was quite sure he wanted to kiss a girl again but he was also certain that he wasn't supposed to sit like stone while a girl kissed him. He wanted to do it right. He stayed and watched, taking detailed notes of how the kisses looked on screen. He took note of how the guy held his head and the positioning of the lips. He could not wait until he had a life of his own. Until he could be an adult, get married and kiss girls all the time...or maybe just Lizzie...or the friendship bracelet girl...or both of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summer 1981**

Chandler Bing sat in the front row amongst his classmates. He was twelve years old, graduating sixth grade. He scanned the crowds, looking for a familiar face. He saw Sophie and he was shocked to see Carl, his dad's driver. He had flown to New York for the ceremony. It warmed Chandler up to see that. But there were two faces not there, Charles and Nora Bing. He knew it shouldn't shock him or upset him, but deep down, it did. Ever since he returned to New York from his five month stay in Los Angeles, his mom had been even more absent in his life and he never spoke with his dad. He talked more with Lizzie, the girl from the comedy classes than he did to his dad. He and Lizzie talked most every night. His dad was always jetting off somewhere. After Los Angeles, he moved to Miami for a bit and then landed in Vegas bound and was determined to have his own drag show. His mom's career as an erotic novelist was taking off. She spent half the year on a book tour and the other half giving interviews and publicizing her work. Chandler spent much of the year even more alone. When he wasn't talking to Lizzie or hanging with Sophie, he would watch more and more of those movies in the theater. His twelfth birthday was spent alone watching movies. When his mom did arrive home, she would throw big parties in the club and Chandler would go. He was becoming a heavy drinker as well, which Sophie didn't like.

Despite all the craziness, Chandler had hoped he would at least have his parents at his graduation. He was graduating sixth grade, would be starting middle school in the fall. He had wanted his parents there, even if they would embarrass him and he was sure they would. He still wanted them there. He had had a good year, sixth grade. He had taken tennis lessons, even competed several times and won. He had not been suspended at all. But all that went unnoticed and there he was, in his suit. He had taught himself how to tie his own tie. His dad had never worn them and had never bothered teaching his son so Chandler learned from watching James Bond movies and other movies and television shows where the characters tied ties. He was quite proud of himself for this. He wanted to tell someone, anyone and he did. He told Principal Allens when his name was announced to walk across the stage to get his diploma. Every kid who walked up, Principal Allens said something to the kid and when it was Chandler's turn, he couldn't help himself. As he reached Principal Allens though, Chandler was a little taken aback by the weird look the principal was giving him. When Chandler reached out his hand, the principal slowly reached for his hand, cautiously shaking it and it was then that Chandler got it.

"I would not do a prank today," Chandler said, laughing.

"Yes you would," Principal Allens said.

"Yes, I would. But I changed my mind."

"Good."

"How does my tie look?" Chandler asked.

"Nice," Principal Allens.

"I taught myself how," Chandler grinned.

"Good for you," Principal Allens said although Chandler could detect a hint of sadness in his voice, "Chandler, you're going to be fantastic. Don't let any of this affect you. You have a lot more control than you think. You got a sense of humor, you're smart. You're going to be fine."

"Thank you. I kinda wish my mom and dad were here though."

"I know."

Chandler smiled as Principal Allens gave him a hug. Chandler walked back towards his classmates and sat in his chair. He would attending middle school next year and it seemed so strange to him. He felt like he had already been through so much and he wasn't even thirteen yet.

After the ceremony, Sophie and her husband, Carl and his wife all took him for ice cream. He hadn't really been invited to any graduation parties and his parents weren't planning on doing anything for him. He was happy at least someone was looking out for him, someone wanted to celebrate him.

"So are you going to camp this summer?" Carl asked as Chandler sat in between him and Sophie digging into a large banana split. Chandler's mom had decided that this time, Chandler could definitely go to camp and he was absolutely thrilled. He had wanted to go so badly and he was finally getting that opportunity.

"Yes. I can finally go and you know what?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Carl asked.

"Lizzie is going. She's going to the same summer camp as I am. I mean, isn't that cool?" Chandler asked.

"Maybe you'll kiss her again," Carl said.

"I hope so. Do you think she'd let me?" Chandler asked.

"Well, I'm glad you're going to camp this time. Sweetie, you need to be around kids your own age," Sophie said.

"Yeah. I didn't get invited to any graduation parties. Do you think...do you think I'll ever have friends? Like friends that last longer than a summer or a school day? I want friends. Good friends," Chandler said.

"You will. Honey, you are such a great kid," Sophie said.

Chandler smiled sadly as he continued eating his ice cream. It pained him how few friends he had. He did blame his parents. His parents made it so difficult for other kids to even want to be around him.

That night, Chandler sat in his theater watching Monty Python movies when his mom walked in. Chandler didn't look up as his mom sat next to him.

"Sweetie, you graduated sixth grade today. Why are you in here, we have a party raging downstairs," Nora said.

"I don't wanna go. Mom, why did you miss my graduation?"

"You wouldn't have wanted me there."

"Yes, I would have. You and dad."

"Come downstairs, please?"

"Are you gonna miss me at camp? Are you gonna write me letters and stuff...'cause you can?" Chandler asked.

"Sure, but let's go."

Nora pulled Chandler's arm. He reluctantly got up. He really didn't want to be alone so maybe he'd just deal with another one of his mom's parties. He turned off the movie and followed her down to a club where there was music pulsating through the club. He sat at one of the booths as his mother brought him a large glass filled with a brown liquid. He drank it and cringed a little.

"Scotch on the rocks. You're a graduate," Nora said.

Chandler nodded as he drank. His mom got up and walked towards the dance floor. She grabbed some guy, Chandler wasn't sure the guy's name and began grinding against him. His mind wandered in the darkness of that club. He was twelve now and could not wait to be an adult. He began wondering what his world would be like in the future. Maybe he'd live in the city. Maybe he'd live in an awesome apartment. Maybe he'd be married...maybe to Lizzie or to that friendship bracelet girl whose name Chandler could not remember and it bugged him because he kept thinking he should remember it. Maybe he'd have friends...no he would definitely have friends. He wanted them so badly. Friends he could sit with, laugh with and talk to. He wanted real friends, friends that got him, understood him. His heart broke as he sat there amongst his mom's friends. Maybe camp would be different. He would have friends there. He could only hope.

A few weeks later, Sophie dropped him off at camp. He had wanted his mother to come, but she had some book thing. Sophie pulled up the campgrounds and stopped. It was in a woodsy area smelled like pine cones. Chandler felt scared. He would be gone for three weeks. He stared at a couple of kids walking and laughing about something.

"What if no one likes me?" Chandler asked.

"What are you talking about? What's not to like about you?"

"I don't have any friends at school and the friends I had last summer when I was in Los Angeles...they were in my classes. Lizzie and I only talk on the phone. I'm going to be living with seventeen other guys for three weeks. I've never had to share a bathroom or anything. I don't even know...I watched movies and stuff and the characters have friends."

"You're funny. Use your gift and don't talk about drinking or drugs."

"I know. I'm really nervous. Do you think my mom and dad will write me?"

"I will and you know Carl will-"

"So will Principal Allens and Gladys. I told them I was going to camp and they said they would write. So I'll get letters."

"Yeah."

"Just my parents would."

"Chandler, enjoy yourself this summer. Please."

Chandler nodded as he got out of the car. Sophie helped him get his suitcase out of the trunk. As he got his stuff out, he was greeted by an older guy who looked about seventeen. He introduced himself as Josh. He had permed hair and a very broad smile. He seemed overly happy as he helped Chandler move his suitcase towards one of the cabins.

Once inside, Chandler looked around the cabins. It was a wood paneled room with three bunk beds on either side of the room and three single beds on either side. Chandler moved towards a single bed and put his suitcase on the bed. He looked at the other guys, laughing and talking about something and he felt so uncomfortable. He put some of his stuff away, but soon just felt like he needed to leave.

He backed away from his bed and turned to walk out of the cabin. He began running as he stepped out into the wilderness. As he was running, he was barely paying attention. He didn't even see the two girls walking towards him and ran right into them.

"Watch where you're going, weirdo," one of the girls said.

Chandler looked at the girl who spoke. She was skinny, with long brown hair and a big nose. Her friend looked almost identical to her. She let out a snort as she looked at the big nose girl.

"G-d, Rach...they really need to start doing a screening process for summer camp. Too many losers."

"Oh, totally, Mindy. The boys have like so gone downhill. We have this," Rachel said, motioning to Chandler, "not fair. Loser...oh and speaking of losers, there's Sharon."

"She is such a bitch," Mindy said.

"Yeah, like yeah," Rachel said before plastering a huge smile on her face, "oh, Sharon. I missed you."

Rachel and Mindy walked past him and towards the girl who was apparently a bitch. Chandler cocked his head to the side and stared at the girl named, Rachel. It was very strange. He didn't get it. He hoped the kids at camp weren't like that.

"Chandler?"

He jumped about twenty feet in the air when he turned to look at Lizzie standing there. He smiled, happy to see a familiar face.

"Hey."

"What are you doing in the girl's part of the camp?" Lizzie asked.

"I-I don't know if I-who's that girl?" Chandler asked, pointing at the two girls who had been mean to him.

"Oh, that's Rachel Green and her friend Mindy. Rachel is really popular and a huge bitch. But she's really popular. That's what I've been hearing."

"It's the first day."

"Yes, but apparently, she was here last year and she ran the show. She's the Queen Bee or the Queen Bitch."

"Oh. Well, she doesn't like me very much. I don't know if I can do this."

"I'm your friend, Chandler. You're sitting with me during meals. You're my friend."

"I am?"

"Of course."

Chandler smiled at that. He had confided in Lizzie during one of their many phone conversation about his family. It felt so easy talking to her. He liked having someone there to unload on, someone his own age.

"I just want this to go well."

"It will. You are likable."

"Rachel hates me," Chandler grinned.

"Well, she's a bitch. She's only in sixth grade."

"Yeah, we're going into junior high. You can take her," Chandler grinned.

"She's in my cabin, Chandler. I took a bed and then she told that she had to have a single bed and then pointed out which beds her friends were having and then pointed out that I could have the bed closest to the bathroom," Lizzie said.

"Pleasant."

Chandler began feeling a little better talking to Lizzie and soon enough felt comfortable enough to turn and walk back to his own cabin. He would get through this. He would figure out how to make friends. He had seen enough movies and other kids did seem to like him. He would figure it out.

The three weeks went quickly as Chandler went from one activity to the next. He did archery and horseback riding. He ate s'mores and sang camp songs. He made arts and crafts and even learned how to make a friendship bracelet, like the one that girl had given him at New Years all those years ago. He decided that if he ever saw her again, he'd give her the bracelet. He actually made friends, good friends. In his cabin, he had a reputation for being the clown. He would crack jokes, even the counselors thought he was funny. He and Lizzie also became closer, eating every meal together. Lizzie would constantly fill him in on all the crazy mean things Rachel had done.

"She totally dropped Julie's toothbrush in the toilet on purpose," Lizzie said.

Chandler, Lizzie, Lizzie's friend Julie and Chandler's friend, Nick who was in his cabin were sitting at a table eating mac and cheese and talking about their favorite topic: the mean girl.

"One of the counselors had to go into town and buy me a new one and Rachel kept going, 'oh it was an accident'. It wasn't an accident," Julie said.

"You guys are older. Why don't you do something?" Chandler asked.

"She's a terror," Lizzie said.

"Oh, Julie...did you brush your teeth today?" Rachel asked, giggling as she walked past the table with Mindy.

"Hey, Green," Chandler said.

"What?" Rachel asked, rolling her eyes.

"You look special today," Chandler said.

"Thank you. G-d, you're weird," Rachel said.

"Yes, and you're a national treasure. Kinda like Wylie Coyote," Chandler said.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, I love those cartoons. My favorite part is when then he runs off a cliff. You are like Wylie Coyote. I'm just eagerly waiting for you to run off a cliff," Chandler said.

Lizzie, Julie and Nick began laughing as Rachel let out a snort, turned on her heel and walked off with Mindy following behind her,

"That was good, Bing," Nick said.

Chandler smiled as the three continued to pile on the praise. He wanted to do more, he wanted to cement his status as someone funny, as a clown as he looked over at Rachel surrounded by her friends, another idea popped into his head, a prank.

When everyone had left for swimming, Chandler had decided to make his move. He snuck into the kitchen and stole a large jar of peanut butter. He grabbed a big spoon and made his way to Rachel's cabin. He looked around the empty girl's cabin until he found Rachel's bed. Lizzie and Julie had pointed in out once when he had been in their cabin. He proceeded to cover her sheets and pillow with peanut butter, emptying out the entire jar. Then he made her bed and flipped the pillow over so there were no traces of peanut butter. Once finished, he walked out of the cabin and tossed the empty jar in the trash and headed to swimming, a little sad that he was not going to be able to see the reaction from Rachel.

It wasn't until the next morning when he was eating his breakfast with Nick when Julie and Lizzie walked over to him and sat down, both girls were grinning wildly.

"What are you two smiling about?" Nick asked.

"Someone filled Rachel's bed with peanut butter. She was covered head to toe in peanut butter, it was so funny," Julie said.

"Yeah, who did that Bing?" Lizzie asked.

"No one," Chandler said.

"Yeah, you smelled so bad when you got back to the cabin," Nick said.

Chandler smiled as Rachel and Mindy stormed towards their table. She walked up to them and glared at Chandler.

"Hey, Bing. Was it you?" Rachel asked.

"Me?" Chandler asked.

"You put peanut butter in my bed," Rachel said.

"You are such a loser," Mindy said.

"I didn't do anything to you, Wylie Coyote. Why would I mess with you? You're just too special," Chandler said.

"Screw you," Rachel said.

"Oh...Rachel will you go out with me? No, no, marry me," Chandler said.

"You know what? You are going to die alone," Rachel said.

"Yeah, and?" Chandler asked.

"No one would miss you if you died," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I know," Chandler said.

"What is wrong with you?" Mindy asked.

"We don't have that kind of time," Chandler grinned.

"Whatever," Rachel said.

"Yeah, whatever," Mindy said.

They began to walk off when Chandler suddenly stopped them. He picked up a tiny plastic container of jelly from his plate and held it up.

"Coyote, do you want some? I mean, take this, slap two slices of bread on yourself and you'd make a lovely sandwich," Chandler said.

Rachel rolled her eyes, as did Mindy. The two girls turned and walked off as Nick, Julie and Lizzie laughed. It made him feel so good, to know that he was well liked. To know people wanted him there, that was the ultimate. He loved camp.

He spent the rest of camp enjoying his new status as a prankster and a clown. News had spread fast around camp that he had been the one to play the prank on Rachel. Even the counselors knew. He had been worried at first that he would get sent home or get into a lot of trouble but no one did anything. In fact, everyone began calling Rachel, "Wylie Coyote". The whole thing was just amusing to him.

It wasn't until one of the last days of camp when Chandler actually felt a little bad for what he had done. He had been walking when back to his cabin from the dining hall when he took a detour. There was a scenic path that he had discovered that he could take to his cabin which he loved. He began walking when he stumbled across Rachel who was sitting with her back against a tree. He noticed she was crying.

"Are you okay?" Chandler asked, stopping in front of her.

"What do you care?" Rachel asked. "Leave me alone."

"No. You're crying."

"Everyone is picking on me now. Thanks to you," Rachel said. "You're a bully."

Chandler's breath got caught in his throat. No one had ever called him a bully. He sat next to her.

"I'm not a bully, Rachel. You were kinda mean to my friend. You didn't drop Julie's toothbrush into the toilet on accident. You know that. I'm sorry I played a prank on you. I didn't want you to cry."

"Thanks. You are funny, though."

"Thanks...it's all I have."

"That's weird," Rachel said.

"Not if you knew me," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...well, maybe one day. I still think you're a loser."

"See, that's mean."

"You covered my bed in peanut butter. Kids are comparing me to a coyote that runs off a cliff."

"But doesn't die."

"Weirdo."

Chandler smiled as another idea dawned on him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the friendship bracelet that the New Years Girl had given him. He handed it to Rachel.

"Here," Chandler said.

"What's this? I don't wanna be your friend," Rachel said.

"I don't wanna be yours but a couple years ago this girl gave me a friendship bracelet and said that whenever I needed a friend, to look at it. So if you ever need a friend, look down and know you have one. It doesn't have to be me," Chandler said.

Rachel took it and stared at it. She smiled as she looked at him.

"My friend, Monica likes making these. Thank you. When I look at this, I'll think of Sean Cassidy."

"You know, he's not that good looking," Chandler said.

"Yes, he is. I'm going to marry him. He's my husband."

"I'm gonna marry Bo Derek or Wonder Woman...I haven't decided."

"You could never get Bo Derrick or Wonder Woman."

"You would never get Sean Cassidy."

"You know, Chandler. You're actually nice."

"So are you. Just when you're not around other people."

"Hmmm, well...don't tell. We all have an act, right?" Rachel asked, giving him a grin as she got up. She let out a breath and wiped the tears away from her face, "bye, loser."

Rachel walked away as Chandler fell back against the tree. He had definitely met his match. That exchange actually made him love camp more. He was learning so much. He wished things had been different between him and Rachel. They would have made an excellent team.

His last night at camp was marked with a dance. Rachel and Chandler had left each other alone for the remainder of their time there and Rachel was still very popular. She spent much of the dance surrounded by friends and wearing that friendship bracelet Chandler had given her. Chandler stood away from her, drinking punch and laughing with Nick and other kids from his cabin.

"Come with me, this is lame," Lizzie said.

Chandler looked over at her, a little shocked. Sure it was a dance but it was apparently a segregated dance as the boys lined one side of the rec room and the girls lined the other. It was strange that Lizzie had so freely walked over to the boys side. She grabbed his arm and that electric shock feeling once again went through his body. He put his cup down as she dragged him out of the rec hall. They walked out into the darkness and towards the lake where they sat side by side. They had barely spoken at all.

"So, did you give Rachel a bracelet?"

"Yes, it was a friendship bracelet. She played me. I thought she felt bad."

"She says you love her."

"No."

"So are you gonna come back next summer?"

"I'd like to. I mean...it was fun. I don't get a lot of chances to be around people my age and next year is junior high."

"I'm scared," Lizzie said.

"You'll be fine."

"So will you."

Chandler smiled as he looked at Lizzie. She stared back at him. He had watched the movies, he had taken the notes. He knew what to do this time. He moved in, although his heart beat fast as he leaned in to kiss her. She leaned close as well. Chandler could feel something magnetic pulling them closer. He closed his eyes as he leaned in when suddenly he felt something cold and hard hit him. He jumped up and turned to notice Rachel pelting him with ice cubes. Mindy was pelting Lizzie.

"Look, it's my best friend...Sean Cassidy," Rachel said, holding the bucket of ice. Chandler raised an eyebrow. He began to advance towards her. Rachel stepped back as the two began chasing each other around the camp. Chandler eventually caught her and was able to wrestle the bucket from her hand, placing it on her head. Rachel let out a scream and a laugh as the ice poured out and onto her.

It was a fantastic three weeks. He had enjoyed himself and it wasn't until he was waiting for someone to pick up when it dawned on him. His parents had never written. Principal Allens and Gladys had sent him letters, Sophie, Carl...but his parents had not sent him one letter. He found it strange that he had not realized it. Although, maybe now it just should not have shocked him.

He waited a long time. It pained him to say goodbye to his friends though. Lizzie, Nick and Julie all promised they would keep in touch with him, even Rachel said she would see him later. Lizzie gave him a kiss on the cheek which made him melt. He kept waiting though until he was the last kid there. He wondered if Sophie knew to pick him up or his mom was?

"Chandler, do you want to call your parents?" The camp director asked.

Chandler shook his head as he followed the director into his office. He reached for the phone and dialed Sophie's number.

"Your mother said she was going to pick you up?" Sophie asked.

"I'm the last one here," Chandler said.

"I can't...I'm...it's my parents fiftieth anniversary. I asked your mother to pick you up. She said she would."

"I can take a cab."

"No, no sweetie. I will pick you up."

"No, I'll call someone else-" Chandler said.

"I'll drive you home. Where do you live?" The camp director asked.

"Scarsdale," Chandler said.

The camp director nodded as Chandler told the Sophie what was going on. The camp director took Chandler's stuff and put it in his truck, taking Chandler home. As he drove away from camp, his heart sank. The high he had felt for three weeks, the fun was slowly slipping away and he was back in his world of loneliness and movies. He wondered if he would ever have friends, friends that wouldn't be for a few weeks at a time.

At home, he was alone. His mom wasn't home, no one was. He opened his suitcase and tossed all his clothes in the hamper. As he was clearing out his suitcase, he noticed an envelope that said his name. He opened it and pulled out a friendship bracelet.

_"Dear Loser,_

_ Whenever you look at this, please remember that you will never get Wonder Woman. From, Rachel aka Wylie Coyote."_

Chandler laughed as he stuffed the bracelet in his pocket. It made him happy that he knew how to make friends his own age, he just wished that there would be a time in the future when he would be able to keep them for longer than a summer.

He walked out of his room and down to the club where he opened up one of cabinets and pulled out a large bottle of Jack. Behind the bottle, he found an Altoids tin with some of those stubby cigarettes one of his mom's old boyfriends used to love. There was a lighter next to it. He took it and walked into the theater, loaded up his movies and began to watch. He lit up what he now knew was a blunt and opened the bottle of Jack, taking a swig. He drank and smoked until he passed out, thinking only of camp.


	7. Chapter 7

**April 8,1983-September, 1983**

Chandler Bing lay in a crumpled mess on the floor of the boys locker room. It was his fourteenth birthday and he was slowly coming to. He was in eighth grade and how he had survived junior high so far was nothing short of a miracle. Something had happened to his classmates between sixth and seventh grade. They had gotten vicious. Thanks to the kids in his class, he knew what the inside of a trashcan smelled like as some of the larger kids would pick him up and throw him in there on a daily basis. He was often told he would be better off dead and no one would miss him if he took his own life. The guy who seemed to be the leader of the 'terrorize Chandler' campaign was a guy named, Shane. Shane was a big, muscular guy who looked way too old to be in junior high. He was new, had transferred from a school in Queens. From day one, seemed to make his mission to make Chandler Bing's life a living hell. Shane had been filled in on the absurdities of Chandler's family: his dad was a gay cross dresser, his mom an erotic novelist. Chandler was an easy target. He wasn't even called, Chandler by his classmates anymore. No, somehow his nickname had become, 'Fag Her Bang". He had tried to make jokes, tried to play pranks, but nothing was working. He was a target and it didn't matter how much he kept his head down, he was still sought out. He tried to tell someone, but no one was listening. The teachers found it funny, his new junior high principal, Ms. Cunningham, thought he was overreacting and told him to grow a pair and his mother wasn't home. He did find some solace in talking to Lizzie on the phone. Those conversations made him happy. He also kept that friendship bracelet Rachel had given him. He wished Rachel had given him her phone number instead. He doubted she was ever bullied this much. She could probably offer some good advice. The summer between seventh and eighth grade, he hoped he'd see her at camp, but she wasn't there. He faced all this bullying alone and the day of his fourteenth birthday, it became almost deadly.

He had walked into the boys locker room when suddenly he was grabbed by his shirt and slammed up against the lockers. He let out a grunt as he stared at Shane. He grinned.

"Oh, Shane. We gotta stop meeting like this," Chandler tried.

"Are we being funny?" Shane asked.

"No, that's sarcasm. Would you like me to explain the difference?" Chandler asked.

Instead of responding, Shane simply punched Chandler in the face. Chandler cringed but did not cry. He had gotten good at not crying, at just taking it although it surprised him where Shane took it next. He reached inside Chandler's shorts and grabbed a more sensitive area of Chandler's body. His eyes grew big.

"Oh, hello...what are you doing?" Chandler asked.

"Shut up. You know you like this Fagler."

"Not really," Chandler said as he cringed more. Shane was squeezing tighter and tighter and just when Chandler felt like he was going to pass out, Shane threw him to the cement ground and kicked him in the stomach.

"Now it's time to play my favorite game. Beat the clown," Shane said as Chandler opened his eyes slightly and noticed that now Shane had been joined by five of his friends. He closed his eyes again as the blows kept coming, there were was punching, kicking, but Chandler remained still and not crying. He knew if he cried, it would continue. It lasted for what felt like for an eternity when it just stopped and Chandler lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness. He could feel blood in his mouth. This was not how anyone would plan to spend their fourteenth birthday. He needed to get out of there. He needed to move before anyone found him although he wasn't sure how long he had been passed out. He had managed to open his eyes although his lids felt heavy. He slid towards a bench and managed to somehow pull himself up. Every muscle felt sore. He knew he was bleeding but did not care as he slowly limped out of the locker room and was hit with the brightness of the sun. He wasn't sure what time it was or if school was even still in session but he decided he needed to go home.

He continued limping, walking. As he neared the front gate of the school, it dawned on him that he had made it across the school without seeing anyone or running into anyone. He looked down at his watch and through his half closed eyes, he could tell his watch had been broken, stopped at ten thirty in the morning. Right before Chandler reached the front gate, he had to pass the open door of the front office. As he walked past the open door, he slowly turned his head and could see the clock on the wall above the front desk which was empty. His head began hurting more when he notice the time: six thirty. He had been in the locker room for eight hours. Had anyone went looking for him? Did anyone care that he was gone? In that moment, he seemed to get a second wind as he walked out of the school and began running. Every muscle in his body ached, bruises covered his body and he wasn't entirely sure what his face looked like. All he could think was: eight hours. No one knew where he had been for eight hours and it seemed like no one cared.

By the time Chandler reached his house, he could barely breathe. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his key. He opened the door, hoping for a split second someone would be there. There was no one. He walked into the kitchen, wondering if someone from the school had called. He pressed play but the recorded voice came loud and clear. There were no new messages. It felt like he was being kicked again. He had been missing for eight hours. His mom was out of town, his dad was in Vegas and he was alone. He stumbled upstairs and walked into his bathroom where for the first time, he noticed his face. His eyes were puffy and were turning into shades of black. He had a bump on his cheek and there was dried blood everywhere. He slowly took off his clothes and finally looked at every bruise. It was then the tears came. The fell and kept falling. Eight hours. No one cared. Eight hours, he could have died in the boys locker room. Eight hours. Standing alone in his bathroom, he cleaned himself but he was tired. He gave up and instead walked downstairs. He walked towards the club. It was empty. He grabbed a large bottle of Jack Daniels and stumbled back up to his theater, loaded up movies and began watching, drinking until he passed out completely.

Chandler woke late the next day with a pounding headache. The screen was black and the bottle of Jack was half empty. He stumbled out of the theater and into the brightness of the rest of the house. There were people working, cleaning and looking at him. Chandler didn't talk to any of them. Instead he stumbled upstairs and towards the shower, turning it on. He stepped in and let the hot water hit him. He could not go back to school. That was for sure. He had been left, ignored and he was sick of being ignored, sick of being alone. They hated him because of who his parents were. He wanted to go away. He thought of camp again. He was happiest there because no one knew his parents and he wondered if there was a school he could go to where no one would know. Where he could be someone new. He could be Chandler, The Funny One and not Chandler, the son of an erotic novelist and gay cross dresser. He couldn't continue into high school the same way. It would get worse, he knew it would. He would get beaten probably worse and what if he gotten so badly, he didn't wake up at all? No one would look for him?

He got out of the shower and looked at himself in the mirror, the fog covering the mirror. He looked down again towards his penis. There was a bruise from where Shane had grabbed it. He walked out of the bathroom and into his bedroom where he grabbed a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. He would not be going to school. He left his room and went downstairs to sit in his theater. As he reached the bottom of the staircase, the front door flew open and there was Sophie. She ran to him, grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.

"Baby, what's wrong? What happened? Where have you been? Anita called me and told me to get over here right away. You weren't well," Sophie said. Anita was the housekeeper. It surprised Chandler that Anita had said anything. He never talked to Anita.

"I got beat up," he whispered. "I was in the locker room for eight hours and I don't think anyone went looking for me."

"Chandler."

"I can't go back to that school. It's too much. They don't like me and call me names and they know who my parents are and they are mean about it and...I need go away."

"Oh, sweetie...we'll take you to the doctor."

"No, I don't wanna live here anymore."

"No, no, it gets better. I promise. Suicide is not the answer."

Chandler gave Sophie a look, "suicide? I meant I didn't wanna live in this house. I still wanna live on the planet."

"Oh, okay," Sophie said. "But I need to call your mom."

"She won't care."

"I need to call her. Oh, sweetie...your beautiful eyes. All black and blue."

Chandler nodded as Sophie put her arm around him and led him towards the kitchen. Sophie made him breakfast and then went to call Nora. She called the hotel that Nora was staying at for her book tour and told her it was urgent. When Nora called back, Sophie told her what had happened to Chandler and much to Chandler's absolute shock, Nora flew back.

He had spent the rest of the day holed up in the theater watching comedies, but not laughing. It hurt too much physically to laugh so he continued to watch. It was after midnight when Nora arrived home and Chandler was still watching movies. His mom had actually shown up. When she entered the theater, she ran to Chandler, sitting beside him and hugging him. He wouldn't admit it but it felt nice.

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Nora whispered.

"I turned fourteen yesterday."

"I know."

"I spent it on the floor of the boys locker room."

"I know. How are you feeling?"

"Not good."

"I called the school. You have two months left of eighth grade. I hired you a tutor. You'll finish out the rest of the year from home and-"

"I wanna go to boarding school," Chandler said. He had gotten the idea of boarding school after watching a movie about it. He wanted boarding school.

"What?" Nora asked.

"I wanna go to boarding school."

"Why?"

"Because I hate it here. I'm lonely. I have no friends. I don't wanna go to high school with those people. I wanna go somewhere where they don't know who you or dad are and I can just be me."

"Do I embarrass you that much?"

"Yes. Mom, I want a life. I don't wanna go clubbing and hang out with your friends. I am always around adults. I had friends at camp, but they don't live here. I wanna leave. Please, let me."

"Chandler-"

"You're never home anymore and I barely talk to dad."

"You never wanna speak to me again?"

"No, I didn't say that but I wanna figure out who I am," Chandler said. Nora let out a sigh and gently ran her fingers through his hair, giving him a peck on the head.

"I'm very proud to call you my son, I want you to know that," Nora said.

"Really?"

"I love you so much and so does your dad and I know we are not perfect...but you are never going to find two people that love you as much as we do. Please keep me in your life."

"I will and maybe one day I'll be proud of my crazy life...but I'm not now. I hurt and I'm sorry and...I can't ever go back to that school after what they did."

"What else did they do?" Nora asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it, but know I can never go back there."

"I'll look into private boarding schools."

"Thank you."

Nora remained seated with Chandler, placing her arm around him. He leaned in towards his mom as they continued to watch the movie sitting side by side.

The bruises eventually faded and Chandler did all his school work from home. They only people he spoke two that were his age were his friends from camp, Lizzie, Julie and Nick. He spoke to no one else and did not attend his eighth grade graduation, sticking to his word that he would never go back.

Come September, Chandler packed up his belongings and with Sophie driving him, he headed out to a school about fifteen minutes from his home which was nestled in a quiet woodsy area. Sophie helped him unload his stuff as he was assigned a dorm. Chandler Bing was now beginning high school attending an all boys boarding school. It was his first step, he decided. His first step to separate himself completely from his parents.


	8. Chapter 8

**September 1983-June 1984**

Chandler had known he had made the right decision as soon as he had stepped onto the campus of The Perry Boarding School for Boys or The Perry School as it was more commonly known. He knew he needed to get away from his old life. The memories of what had happened in that locker room still lingered fresh in his memory. He still had scars. He had not attended his junior high graduation, although Sophie and Carl had taken him for ice cream as they had when he graduated elementary school. Principal Allens and Gladys had given him even more comedy albums which he took with him to school. There were somethings he would miss about his home. He'd miss his bedroom and of course he'd miss his theater. He always missed that theater, but he knew he needed to leave. He knew his life could not be spent watching comedy movies. He wanted friends and a normal life. He wanted to hang out and do things kids his age were doing. He knew that at fourteen, he should not be considered a heavy drinker and he should not know what LSD or pot felt like. Sophie and Carl had told him that he should never tell people he did that and he never did.

He shared a large suite with three other guys. His roommate was Tyler Branson from Long Island and they shared a common area with two other guys named, Matt and Dave. They four guys got along very well. Chandler was surprised at how easy it was for him to adjust to living with roommates. He was an only child, an only child who spent much of his time alone. He never had to share toys or a bathroom or any personal space, but it seemed easy enough. He didn't consider himself too much of a slob and he was fairly laid back about a lot of things and his sense of humor provided him well again as he was the funny one in the group, a role he of course relished.

He completely absorbed himself in this new environment. In addition to his classes, he joined the tennis team and was so good he was immediately considered one of the best in school. He also joined the ice hockey team, choir, drama and every other possible activity he could join. He felt like he was waking up after a long coma. He had been shut out from the world for so long that it was almost as if he was being set free and experiencing everything for the first time.

Chandler did not talk about his parents too much, at first he was too afraid that high school would be a repeat of junior high if he told. He did eventually though, right before the holidays. He told Tyler, Dave and Matt or Matty as he was more commonly known. The four boys had been talking about holiday plans and Chandler was being very cagey and secretive about what he would be doing, which was nothing. The three boys kept pressing him for information and finally he relented, giving them a general overview of his parents and then he braced for the fall out. It shocked him when there was none. Instead, the three other guys just made jokes, not mean or cruel jokes but the kinds of jokes where Chandler could happily play along. He had been accepted into this new world and never wanted to leave. That Winter Break where he was surrounded by his mother and her friends, all he wanted to do was get back to school. He liked having a separate world, his world.

Although, just because he had a new life it didn't mean he had completely let go of everything he used to love. He still loved all the movies. Towards the beginning of the year, Chandler had suggested turning the suite into a movie area with a large television and VCR. The guys were all for it and they would have movie nights in their suite. He liked having other people around to watch those funny films with. It made it far more fun. Tyler, Matty and Dave also seemed to be movie buffs, just like him and they would often spend their time trying to find films to watch. Around of the beginning of 1984, they decided they needed to see a movie coming out called, "Hot Dog:The Movie". It looked like soft core porn and it looked amazing.

"We need to see this movie," Chandler said.

"I think we need fake ID's for this. It's Rated R," Dave said.

"This will so be awesome. There'll be so many boobies in this movie," Matty said.

"Wait, there's this movie theater in the city. I've been there a couple times, they're not very strict on ID. I think they'd let us in," Dave said.

"Wow...New York City. I don't think I've ever been to the city," Chandler mused, letting that thought sink in. He really had never been out of suburbia.

"How have you never been to the city?" Dave asked.

"Well, I'm sorry but between my father's drag shows and my mother's weekly group orgies, there just hasn't been time," Chandler grinned.

"Be so happy you're funny," Tyler said.

"Oh, I am. I'd be fucked if I weren't," Chandler said with a big grin on his face.

"It opens in February. I can drive," Dave said as he was the only one of the group who now had his license.. The idea would be they would get ID's and then head into the city to see the movie. They had decided that February 16th would be the day to see the movie: a Monday. There wasn't much going on at school that day and they figured a movie like that would be in and out of theaters quickly, so they decided to take a day off. They drove into the New York and headed to the theater.

Once finding a place to park, the four boys got in line behind a tall blonde girl carrying a large guitar case. They were beyond excited about this movie. This was going to be amazing, Oscar winning. Okay, perhaps not that amazing, but close.

"Dude, there it is. Hot Dog, the movie. It's gonna be awesome," Chandler said.

"We have our fake ID's?" Matty asked.

"Yes, yes," Chandler said as he pulled out his wallet and handed Matty his ID. Matty let out a snort and shook his head.

"You're an idiot," Matty said.

"I know, but why?" Chandler asked.

"Who the hell is gonna buy you as Boy George Michael Culture Club?" Matty said.

"It's a family name and you know what, given my dad...it wouldn't shock me," Chandler said.

The blonde girl in front of them laughed as she turned around to look at them.

"I wouldn't worry about it actually...this theater isn't too strict with ID," the blonde said.

Chandler smiled at the girl. She wasn't necessarily his type as Carl, the Driver, had joked, but she was pretty. He liked how tall she was. He was getting pretty tall as well. She also seemed rather sweet and laid back wearing a Lincoln High sweatshirt over what looked like to be a purple dress with flowers.

"Cool...so are you gonna provide the soundtrack to the movie?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, no...I'm not...I just...I came from a guitar lesson," the girl said.

The smile on his face became bigger. She was musical. In his head, he could imagine a scene where they would form their own two person band. She'd play the guitar and he'd sing stuff. He contemplated asking if she knew any George Michael tunes, but decided not to. It was amazing how easy it was to talk to this girl. It was an ease he had never felt with Lizzie.

"Awesome. So, you go to Lincoln High? Where's that?" Chandler asked.

The girl looked down at her sweatshirt and for a brief moment, he thought he detected a hint of sadness in her eyes. She shook her head and looked at him.

"Long Island."

Long Island? That brought back a memory of that party Sophie had taken him to in Long Island. He remembered that girl who gave him the friendship bracelet. He also remembered that Rachel girl being from Long Island. He silently cursed his parents for being from Scarsdale, not Long Island as it seemed all the hot girls were from Long Island.

"Awww, I'm Chandler by the way. These are my buddies, Matty, Tyler and Dave."

"I'm Phoebe."

"Hi, Phoebe. So, what are you doing around here?" Chandler asked.

"Seeing a movie. It's my birthday. My mom let me take the day off from school to hang out in the city," Phoebe said.

"Happy Birthday."

"Thanks...well, what are you doing here?" Phoebe asked.

"We have gout," Chandler said.

"We do not have gout," Matty said.

"I want us to have gout. That just sounds awesome and so much better than I had a cold. You know how common those are," Chandler said.

"You're funny," Phoebe laughed.

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"Thank G-d. It's the only reason we're friends with him," Matty said.

Chandler gave his Matty a look and shook his head before beginning to tell Phoebe where they were actually from and what they were doing there. He felt so brave, standing there talking to some random hot blonde girl. His friends were right there listening and watching. There was something about her though, a vulnerability that he was drawn to. He wasn't sure what it was but he felt connected to her somehow and when she stepped up to the counter to get her ticket, he found himself doing something he had never in his life done. He stepped up next to her and offered to buy her ticket.

"Let me...it's your birthday," Chandler said as he immediately kicked himself for that statement. Of course she knew it was her birthday. It was a dumb line, a very dumb line.

"I-" Phoebe said.

"She's not gonna hook up with you," Matty said.

Chandler let out a sigh and glared at his friends who were just giggling behind him.

"I need new friends," Chandler said.

"Okay, thank you," Phoebe said.

"You wanna see the Hot Dog Movie with us?" Chandler asked.

"Okay,"

Chandler turned to the counter and looked at the lady. Suddenly, he cleared his throat.

"Two for Hot Dog: The Movie...do you wanna see my ID? The name is Boy George. Michael. Culture Club. Family name," Chandler said, making his voice as deep as he could. He wasn't sure why he had done that, thinking he looked like a bigger idiot now as it seemed even more obvious that he was not old enough to see the Hot Dog movie. The lady behind the counter though did not seem to care. She just glared at him and rolled her eyes as she rang him up and handed him the tickets. Chandler handed one to Phoebe and then looked back at his friends.

"You're sad," Matty said.

"Yeah, I'm still going to see a wiener...or as my dad calls that...well any day," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Chandler," Phoebe said.

"No problem."

Chandler wondered if he could call this a date. He had never been on a date before but he knew he had to pay. So he did. He paid for her ticket and bought her candy and a drink. He loved that she ate a lot of candy. He thought it was cool that she had a big appetite as did he. Ever since he hit puberty, his appetite had become huge as he was always eating...eating and getting taller. He liked that Phoebe had a big appetite and was tall too, although he did notice she only ate some of the candy and put the rest of it in her guitar case. He didn't ask questions though, he figured it was probably for some Sweet Sixteen party she would have later in her big house in Long Island.

The movie was awful, horrifically awful but Chandler spent the time trying to make her laugh. When there was a bizarre moment or cheesy line, Chandler would lean in and make a joke. He was going to consider this a date. It was definitely a date. Maybe he'd be able to kiss her at the end, that would be cool. After the movie, Chandler and Phoebe walked behind Matty, Tyler and Dave. Chandler really wanted to make a move, to jump, leap, ask this girl out. He grabbed her arm and looked at her, praying she couldn't see the terror in his eyes. Matty, Dave and Tyler walked towards Dave's car.

"So, that was a good movie," Chandler said.

"Yeah, it was. Funny...it was bad. But funny."

"Yeah...look, I don't do this...like at all. But something about...you seem...well..."

Chandler kept looking at the ground, trying to dig a hole in the sidewalk with his shoe. He could not believe he was about to ask this question.

"Say it," Phoebe said.

"Can I call you sometime?"

Chandler cringed slightly, looking embarrassed that he had even asked that question and there it was, hanging in the air. He looked at her, she was biting her lip. She was taking too long to respond.

"Um...well, Chandler...I had a great time but I just...well...I have a-"

Chandler's heart sank. He knew what that meant. He had seen enough movies, watched enough shows. If the girl wants to go out with you, she would say yes. He felt like an idiot, a complete idiot.

"Oh, it's fine. Forget it. I-I understand," Chandler said, immediately.

"You do?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...please. Yeah...I should go. I...my friends are...I gotta go, it was nice meeting you," Chandler said before turning and running off, catching up to his friends who were now about twenty feet away.. When Chandler reached the car, Matty looked at him.

"Did you get her number?" Matty asked.

"No, she blew me off," Chandler said.

"Oh, that sucks man," Tyler said.

"Yeah. I fucking paid for her movie, bought her an entire fucking candy store and the bitch can't even give me her number. I hate girls," Chandler muttered angrily.

"Oh...like father, like son," Dave said.

"Shut up," Chandler said.

"Come on, we'll get pizza and go home. I'll cover you, Bing," Dave said.

"Thanks. I have no more cash left," Chandler said.

The boys got in the car as Dave drove off. Chandler stared straight ahead, angry. He felt like he had been taken advantage of. He wanted to call Sophie or Carl, the Driver...or maybe Lizzie. Lizzie could give him advice on why that girl had done that. It made no sense.

When they got back to their dorm, they noticed a couple other guys sitting in their common room, watching movies and studying. Their common area had become the hang out for the guys on their hall. It was the room with the television and all the movies.

"So, how was the movie?" Mike asked. Mike Hannigan lived down the hall from them and shared a room with a guy named, Paul who was currently standing by the television glancing through Chandler's movie collection.

"Horrible and Chandler got screwed," Tyler said.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Some blonde chick was in line. I thought I'd ask her out...you know after buying her movie tickets and like twenty boxes of candy and got rejected," Chandler said.

"Well, you took her to see soft core porn, what did you expect, man?" Mike asked.

"Not that. And what did she expect? We were seeing that movie. She said okay. Well, I hope she's in her fancy little Long Island home now, enjoying her fancier box of Junior Mints. You know, I don't wanna talk about this," Chandler said

"Alright, well, I have all your homework for the next day, if you guys feel like you've recovered from your twenty four hour bout with gout," Mike said.

"We don't have gout," Dave said.

"We have gout. I like diseases with funny names," Chandler said.

"Alright, _Animal House_? _Laurel and Hardy_? What are you in the mood for, Bing?" Paul asked.

"_Monty Python_," Chandler said.

Paul loaded the move into the VCR as Chandler walked to his room to get his books. He came back out to the room to join his friends and to do his homework. As the movie began, Chandler let the memory of that Phoebe girl slip out of his mind. She wasn't really his type anyway, he figured. Lizzie, that was a girl who was definitely his type.

The rest of the school year went by quickly as Chandler celebrated his fifteenth birthday that April at this new boarding school. It was the most relaxing birthday he had ever had. He was feeling so much happier now and as the school year ended, he made yet another choice that would keep him from his family. Lizzie had called him and told him she was going to camp again, this time as a junior counselor. He decided to do the same, working at the camp and teaching tennis to the younger kids. While he still kept in regular contact with Sophie, Carl, Principal Allens and Gladys, his parents he barely spoke to. He was separating himself, becoming who he wanted to be without the negative influences of him mom and dad.


	9. Chapter 9

**April 8, 1985**

It was a big day in the life of any sixteen year old. The day when they could go down to the DMV and get their Driver's License. Sure, he lived in New York where people took cabs more than they drove but he still felt he needed and wanted one. He thought a license would be the ultimate in his desire to separate himself from his past. The first step had been going to boarding school and now as a sophomore, he was thriving. He was the only underclassman to be on the Varsity Tennis Team, playing championships that were held all over New York. He continued with choir and drama. He loved hockey as well, although he wasn't as good at it as he was at tennis. He also was developing a love of watching sports too. His parents had never taken him to any sports games. He had never even been to the ball park to watch a game, never been Madison Square Guardian to watch the Rangers play. There had always been a reason. He had always been so isolated and it wasn't until he had gone to The Perry School when he began to realize just how isolated he was and now with him being sixteen, he felt he could finally break free even more. He would be getting his license.

His birthday was on a Monday and he had decided he would take the day off. He'd take a cab to the New York DMV and take his test. Then when he passed, we would take another cab to a car dealership and see about getting a car. Chandler had known for a long time he was wealthier than most. He knew that he grew up in a home where money was no worry. He could spend without consequence. He had never really questioned where all this money came from, he just accepted it. Although, he did call his parents beforehand to let them know he was planning on buying himself a car once he passed and he was pleasantly surprised with both of their responses.

"Sure, what are you thinking of getting?" Charles had asked.

"1985 Corvette. Red. Like the Prince song. Little Red Corvette."

"Hmmm...although, that's not very flashy. What if you made it pink? Or a magenta Corvette with purple flowers," Charles said.

"I'll stick with red."

"Alright, I'll put the money in your account, that's your gift."

"Awesome. Thanks."

"Did you get the movies I sent you?" Charles asked.

"Yeah..._Police Academy_ was awesome and _Romancing the Stone_, _Gremlins,_ I liked that too..._Splash_ was cool and _Bachelor Party_. was really funny, so was _Beverly Hills Cop_...oh, and I really liked _Revenge of the Nerds_. Good picks, dad, good picks."

"I know you. Happy Birthday, kid.."

"Thanks dad...and thanks for the movies."

His dad immediately wired the large amount of money into his bank account. Chandler knew his dad did feel a little guilty about neglecting him and Chandler secretly felt that his dad should feel guilty. Charles had yet to visit Chandler in boarding school and Chandler had not actually seen his dad since he was eleven. So perhaps it was a bit of manipulation on Chandler's part, taking advantage of his dad's feelings of guilt but he justified it with the simple fact that he would be getting a car and not just any car, a little red Corvette which he decided would be named, 'Sally' or her full name, 'Sally D. Corvette'. His mom surprised him more than his father's okay to get a thirty thousand dollar car after sending him a stack of the best comedies from 1984. His mom wanted to go with him. She wanted to pick him up, take him to the DMV and then to the dealership to get his car. He was stunned. She still had yet to ever visit him and there she was wanting to actually spend time with him.

His mom stopped by the school at about eight thirty that morning which was the exact time he had asked her to arrive. He wondered if it was too good to be true, although his mom was dressed in tiny little tank top and tight acid washed, ripped jeans which looked ridiculous. But she was there, so Chandler figured he'd pick and choose his battles. It was decided Chandler would drive to the DMV. He had been practicing on his friend, Dave's car and had been hoping to drive that to the DMV but with his mom coming, he'd be driving her car instead. Chandler pulled out of the parking lot of the school and headed off towards the freeway to get to the DMV.

"Oh, my son is a driver," Nora said.

"I am...I will be."

"Although...I do wish you'd come home more often. The house is very lonely without you."

"You're never home," Chandler said.

"Do you like it here?" Nora asked.

"Yes."

"How are you doing in school?"

"Fine."

"You like your classes?"

"Yes."

"Do you have friends?"

"Yes."

"You're gonna make this difficult for me, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Nora let out a sigh as Chandler reached for the radio and turned it on. _Love is a Battlefield _began blaring through the speakers. Chandler loved that song, thinking Pat Benatar was very nice to look at. He silently mouthed the words as he drove.

"You know, you got your love of music from me, not your dad. Your dad gave you comedy movies, I gave you music," Nora said.

Chandler let that comment hang in the air. It was actually true. He loved all sorts of music because his mom made sure music was always playing in the home. He would remember listening to those songs coming out of his mom's room or the music pulsating through the club. There was Prince and George Michael. Madonna. Elton John. Duran Duran. Springsteen. Eurythmics. Chandler considered himself to be very well versed in all areas of music, but giving his mom credit for that was too difficult. Chandler could cut his dad a little slack as he lived in Vegas now although it didn't make a whole lot of sense to him that his dad expressed no interest in his new life, but he wasn't all that interested in his father's life either. He could call it even, but his mom lived about ten minutes away from his school. There was no excuse for her to have never visited, to never wonder what he was up to. He just was not willing to give her the satisfaction of having a mother son moment with him by talking about a love of music.

As soon as he got to the DMV, he parked and walked in with his mom. He signed in and got ready to take his test. When it was finally his turn, he was thrilled and he did well, very well. He figured he would He had practiced. He had watched people drive in movies and on television and his friend, Dave had taught him. He was more than ready. He was very happy when he passed. He filled out his temporary ID, posed for a photo and ran out to tell his mom when the smile quickly faded from his face. He had been right, it had been too good to be true. This moment with his mom, the thought that she actually wanted to get to know him. Nora was sitting on the lap of a guy, locked in a passionate embrace with him, his hands moving up her shirt.

"Mom," Chandler said. He had to repeat himself, loudly, before his mom and the guy stopped kissing. Nora looked at him.

"Chandler, hi...how did it go?"

"I passed."

"Oh, fantastic."

"So...glad to see you were not too bored waiting."

"No, no...honey, this is Brian. We just met. I told him you were getting a Corvette and he wanted to come with us, isn't that sweet? And he'll join us for lunch," Nora said.

"Great," Chandler grumbled as he walked outside, Nora and Brian following. Chandler got into the driver's seat as Nora and Brian got in back. It was almost too much for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had hoped this day could be about him. He began driving to the dealership with Nora and Brian in the back, he tried desperately to drown out the sounds of his mother getting it on in the backseat, the sounds of ecstasy growing louder and louder until Chandler could no longer handle it. He pulled into a 7 Eleven and stopped.

"I'm gonna get something to eat. I'm hungry," Chandler said and was hoping for a response but got nothing except some moaning that made him want to die. He turned off the ignition and left the key. He got out of the car, went into the 7 Eleven to buy himself two hot dogs, a slurpee and several Slim Jims and walked out, but instead of walking to the car, he walked to the street and hailed a cab to take the Corvette dealership.

He was impressed that he knew how to buy a car himself although he had had help. He had called his dad's driver, Carl and talked to him for about two hours grilling him on questions to ask. Chandler was so grateful for people like Carl and Sophie, as well as his old elementary school principal, Principal Allens and Gladys. They were the most stable adults he knew and always seemed interested in him. Carl had been instrumental in helping Chandler in terms of knowing what went into buying a car and soon he drove off the lot in a cherry red Corvette with a black convertible top. Sally D. Corvette, born April 8, 1985. That's what Chandler decided and he had also decided on what the letter D would stand for: Disisa as in Sally Disisa Corvette. Chandler absolutely loved driving that car off the lot. He had a few hours to kill before he had to be back at school and decided into New York City. He got on to the freeway and drove the city, it was a wonderfully warm sunshiney day so Sally had her top down which of course was an image that constantly made Chandler giggle. He blared the music from his radio as loud as he could as he soaked up the freedom that came with being a newly licensed driver. It had seemed so strange to him that his first time in the city was to see that Hot Dog movie when he had been screwed over by that blonde chick. He lived in New York, the greatest city in the world as he had heard. He drove around, staring up at the skyscrapers and soaking in the sun and then he saw it. The big red letters, the store display. It was a toy store called, FAO Schwartz and it dawned on him. When had he ever been in a toy store? He had been drunk, stoned, high...witnessed orgies, been sexually assaulted...but had he ever actually been in a toy store. He looked and found a place to park, closed Sally's top, locked Sally and ran inside where he spent the next few hours playing. It was a gloriously wonderful place, this giant toy store. He ended up buying a lot of things, toys that could decorate the common area of their suite. He also bought a Commodore 64 and many video games to go along with it, including some game called Potty Pigeon. He did go a little nuts, but it was his sixteenth birthday he reasoned and no one else had ever bought him these things.

Tyler, Matty, Mike, Paul and Dave were amazed when Chandler arrived. They were watching movies and doing homework, when Chandler walked in carrying his loot.

"You bought a Commodore 64?" Dave asked.

"And the video games. I went to FAO Schwartz. I had never been...it was a magical place," Chandler said.

"Potty Pigeon," Tyler said. "That's a funny name."

"You got some good shit. There are like fifty games here," Matty said.

"Seventy five and I know...and Sally is downstairs," Chandler said.

"How does she look?" Mike asked.

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. I drove with Sally's top down. Get it, her top was down?" Chandler asked, giggling a little when the phone rang from his bedroom. Tyler got up and ran into the room, grabbed the phone and quickly ran back out.

"It's your mom, dude. She's called like a gazillion times," Tyler said.

Chandler shrugged and walked into his room. He let out a snort as he picked up the phone.

"Hi, mom," Chandler said.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Oh, you finally stopped sucking your boy toy's dick to notice I was gone?" Chandler asked.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that."

"No, I wanted the spend the afternoon with you. I was excited to spend my birthday with you but it turned into you picking up a guy. Can any birthday be just mine? It's my eleventh birthday all over again."

"You threw a golf guy at my boyfriend's head."

"Because the two of you and dad were engaged in a threesome in the middle of a miniature golf course," Chandler said, angrily.

"You're being a brat. How many sixteen year olds can go out and buy their own Corvette...with their own money."

"It's dad's money and-hold on-" Chandler said as he heard a click on the phone signaling call waiting. He clicked over. "Hello."

"It's your dad."

"Oh...hey."

"Just got a call from the bank saying there was an unusual amount of activity on your card. What did you buy from FAO Schwartz?" Charles asked.

"Um...a Commodore 64."

"And-"

"Seventy five games...and I bought some sports stuff."

"Chandler."

"Dad, how come you never took me to FAO Schwartz?"

"It's overpriced."

"But we can afford it," Chandler said.

"Not the point, kid. Enjoy your games and toys. Next time be more careful," Charles said.

Chandler could almost detect sadness in his dad's voice and he felt a little bad.

"Dad, I'm sorry."

"I know. Look, Chandler, you're my son. I know you don't like admitting that. But at some point, you're gonna have to stop being embarrassed and accept it. Happy birthday."

Chandler heard the click of the phone and his heart fell a little. He had never actually felt bad for anything he had said or done regarding his dad, but in the back of his mind, it did make him feel like a bit of a jerk, spending all that money on his card, money for the toys and the brand new car and using money that was not his. He clicked back to his mother.

"That was dad."

"What did he want?" Nora asked.

"Nothing."

"Look, Chandler...I know you're not proud of us. But one day you will have to stop running from who you are."

"I wasn't running. I wanted to actually spend the day with you but you fucked it up."

"Do not cuss at me."

"Fine...I have to go."

"Have a great birthday."

"I will."

Chandler hung up and went back to play with his friends who had already set up the Commodore 64 and were playing one of the many games. Mike walked over to him and patted him on the back.

"Everything okay?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. Just hate my parents."

"I know the feeling."

Chandler smiled sadly as he watched his friends play. He did feel a little guilty about how much he spent but it did occur to him that the two times he had spoken to his dad that day was the most he had spoken to his dad in years.

That night, Chandler drove into the city to pick Sophie up to take her for dinner. Sophie didn't work for Nora anymore as with Chandler no longer living at home, there really was no reason to work there. She had her own catering company. Chandler kept in touch with her, though. He considered her more like his mom than Nora. When he picked her up, Sophie got into the car and immediately hugged him.

"I can't believe you are driving me. This is amazing. You are getting so big now, how tall are you?"

"Six feet."

"Wow."

"I know. It's cool. I like being tall."

"Nice car, by the way," Sophie saying.

"Thank you. Her name is Sally Disisa Corvette."

Sophie laughed as Chandler drove towards a Chinese restaurant about twenty minutes from the house he grew up in. He and Sophie walked in and sat across from each other. He now towered over her which was a little strange to him, how much he had grown in such a short period. He had felt like a sprout.

They sat across from each other and ordered food, Chandler was still amazed at the appetite he had. He was always hungry still. After ordering, Sophie handed him an envelope.

"This is for you. From my husband and I, Carl and his wife, John and Gladys."

"John?"

"Principal Allens. He has an actual name. We all keep in touch to talk about you and we put money in and are giving you this gift."

"Are Principal Allens and Gladys together?" Chandler asked.

"Are you just realizing this?"

"Apparently," Chandler said as he ripped open the envelope to find season passes to the Rangers. "Oh my G-d. Season passes?"

"And good seats too."

"Wow...I've never been to a Rangers game."

"I know."

"Wow...thank you. This is perfect."

"Enjoy it. We are all so proud of you. You have people in your corner, you know that. Right?"

"Yeah...I just wish my parents were."

"They are. In their own way. Look, Chandler...alright, you're sixteen now and I'm going to be honest, you did get the short end of the stick but you got out. I am so happy you chose boarding school and you are going to be fine but eventually you will have to accept Nora and Charles for who they are."

"But...I just...they've never visited me. My mom today...I was gonna go to lunch with her and she ends up picking up some guy at the DMV and makes out with him as I'm driving them around. Why wasn't I ever taken to a sports game or FAO Schwartz. I've never even been to a baseball game or a basketball game and I know I sound like a brat because I just got a brand new Corvette. But it's just..."

"Look, you got yourself into boarding school. You taught yourself how to tie a tie and drive a car. You did it...was it ideal? No. But you did and you should be so proud of yourself. Being in that home was not healthy for a child. Are you going to college after high school?"

"Well, I got two more years left of school...but I think I wanna go to school in the city. I wanna go to NYU. I've never been out of the suburbs, you know?"

"Where ever you go, please keep me up to date?" Sophie asked.

"Will do."

"What about girls? Anyone?"

"No. But Lizzie is coming next weekend."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She's gonna spend the weekend with her sister who is at NYU and I'm gonna take her out," Chandler grinned. Lizzie had called him a week before his birthday to let him know her plans. He really was happy about this. He loved that they were close, he loved even more that he was going out to dinner with a girl.

The next weekend, he picked Lizzie up and they went to a sushi restaurant in the city. He picked her up in Sally D. Corvette. Lizzie was impressed.

"So you like Sally?" Chandler asked.

"I love Sally. You make a lovely couple."

"I think I'm going to marry her."

"Awwww. That is a cool car. I like New York too."

"I like it too. I spent my childhood in suburbia. I had never even been to the city. The first time was when I went to see the Hot Dog movie with some buddies of mine and I got screwed over by a blonde girl."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, I never told you this story. Did I? Last year, I went with Tyler, Dave and Matty to see a movie in the city and there was this blonde and I paid for her ticket and bought her loads of candy and asked for her number and she said no."

"She said no?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah...well, sorta. She was mumbling about something. Whatever, she looked weird anyway."

"How so?"

"She kinda looked dirty. I thought about her a lot after the movie and she did look like she needed a shower or something...and she was super thin-"

"Where was she from?"

"She said Long Island but...she wasn't real specific."

"Was she homeless?" Lizzie asked.

"What? Where did you get that idea?"

"I don't know. Something seems off to me. I mean, we know girls from Long Island. That Rachel girl was from Long Island. Did she look like Rachel?"

"No...her hair was messy. She wasn't homeless. I mean, she was seeing a movie-"

"That you paid for. Chandler, I think the blonde girl was homeless."

"No. That's strange. Where are you even getting that. People dress weird all the time."

"It's...okay, when you bought her all the candy, did she eat it all?"

"No, she put some of it in her guitar case."

"She had a guitar case?"

"Yeah...and when she opened it, I saw inside. It was filled with crap and stuff. I didn't ask questions."

"You're an idiot," Lizzie said.

"I am not."

"You're an idiot. You didn't take her on a date, you bought a homeless chick a meal. She didn't give you her number because she didn't have one," Lizzie said.

"No...that's just dumb. That's a huge jump. She was so not homeless."

"I bet you a million dollars that if you ever run into this girl again...she will tell you that the reason you she couldn't give you a number was because she was homeless."

"That's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm never gonna see that girl again and she wasn't homeless...and I'll take that bet."

Lizzie smiled which made Chandler melt a little. G-d, that look. Carl, the driver was right. Chandler Bing had a type, a Wonder Woman type. Lizzie fit it perfectly, pale skin, crystal blue eyes and long, dark hair. It drove him nuts, that type. He felt weak around that type.

After dinner, the two walking towards Sally, which was parked several blocks away. Chandler thought he'd make a move. He slowly reached his hand towards Lizzie, grabbing it. She didn't let go, smiling at him and kissing his cheek. His body almost felt like in was going into shock. They didn't really talk much as they walked to Chandler's car. When they got in the car, Chandler put the key in the ignition but didn't turn it on. He looked at Lizzie who was looking back at him. He leaned forward, his heart pounding out of his chest. To his surprise, she moved in as well. They moved slowly until their lips met and they were kissing. Chandler moved this time, closed his eyes and even reached his hands up and gently cupped her face, when they parted, he felt at a loss for breath.

"You've gotten good at that," Lizzie said.

"Well...I've watched a lot of movies. Ever since you kissed me when we were eleven. I felt I should learn a little more."

"You did good."

"Thank you."

"You know...I know we're only sophomores now, but I'm thinking of moving to New York for college. I wanna go to NYU and study acting."

"Really? Well...if you go to NYU and I go to NYU-"

"We will be in the same state for longer than a few weeks or a few months."

"I would like that."

"Me too."

Chandler smiled as he turned back and turned Sally on, driving off into the bright lights of New York. He felt light. A strange feeling. He actually felt happy. He rarely felt that. He was absolutely happy. When he dropped Lizzie off that night, she kissed him again. He could get used to that.

When he reached his dorm, he felt like he was walking on clouds as he entered the common area of his suite to find Dave, Matty, Tyler, Mike and Paul lounging, playing Chandler's Commodore 64.

"How was your night, buddy?" Matty asked.

"Amazing. Lizzie and I kissed. She is so gonna be my wife, oh, amazing," Chandler said.

"Dude, next week we're going to the Rangers game, right?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, yes. Season tickets. Birthday celebration continues," Chandler said as he plopped down on the couch next to Mike.

"You look happy," Mike said.

"Oh, I am. I am."

Chandler could not stop smiling. He just felt incredible. His life was going exactly how he wanted it and that luck kept improving when about a week later, he, Tyler, Matty, Paul, Mike and Dave all went to the Rangers game and the seats were so close he could literally go and step onto the ice if he wanted to. He absolutely loved the energy and vibe as he yelled at the players, determining that once and for all, he was a definite hockey fan. His sixteenth birthday was kicking off a series of firsts. His first kiss, his first car, his first hockey game and he could not wait to see what other firsts lay in store for him.


	10. Chapter 10

**October 31st, 1986**

Seventeen year old Chandler Bing was standing by Sally, waiting on his friends. It was going to be an amazing Halloween with plans that had begun weeks earlier with a rumor his buddy, Matty had heard. There was a school in Long Island, a high school where there was a cheerleader who was a hermaphrodite. This seemed wildly insane. They had wanted to do some research, to figure out the school and to figure out if it was true. Tyler had hit the jackpot. He had spoken to his cousin, Nancy who was a junior at Lincoln High and he told her that there was cheerleader, a very popular cheerleader who was the hermaphrodite cheerleader. Chandler at first wasn't sure about going to Long Island to see a hermaphrodite cheerleader...on Halloween, no less. First, Long Island was an an hour and a half drive from Scarsdale and while Chandler did want to explore the city more, he wasn't sure about driving an hour and a half to see if a girl had a penis or not. But then his buddy, Dave had sweetened the deal. Dave knew a guy in Queens who was known for having these huge house parties on Halloween. Dave had grown up near the guy who was from some large Italian family and the parties were apparently legendary. Queens was the midpoint between Scarsdale and Long Island. They would drive to Long Island, see the girl and then drive to Queens to celebrate. Chandler gave in. It would definitely be an interesting way to spend a Friday night, especially a Halloween night.

He could recall the Halloweens he had had growing up. His parents would throw raging parties in the club and he would attend, usually dressed as a movie character. He would drink a lot and run through the bubbles because Halloween meant foam parties at the club in the basement. He wondered if his friends would know that this was one of the more tame Halloweens he had ever celebrated.

When Tyler, Matty and Dave finally got to the car, they were all in costume, as was Chandler. They had decided to go as rock stars, figuring it would be Halloween and everyone would be dressed up. Chandler had even gone so far as to get his hair cut in a Flock of Seagulls like do which he actually thought was very cool.

"So Paul and Mike aren't coming with us?" Chandler asked as the boys walked towards the car.

"No, they're gonna meet us at the party in Queens," Matty said.

"They're no fun," Chandler said as they all piled into Sally, ready for a good time. "I also got some silly string, spray paint and shaving cream in the trunk."

"For what?" Matty asked.

"It's Halloween. If I'm gonna be driving all over the fucking state of New York tonight, I will be playing a few pranks on someone tonight. There are some balloons too. You can fill 'em with shaving cream. Later though...we cannot hurt Sally," Chandler said.

"Dude, are you gonna take this car with you to NYU next year?" Tyler asked.

"Yes, I am. I am so gonna get laid in this car. You mark my words," Chandler said.

"You've had the car for a year and a half, man. If it hasn't happened yet..." Tyler said.

"I am involuntarily saving myself," Chandler said. "Come on, Sally. Let's go to Long Island and see this hermaphrodite cheerleader."

Chandler turned on the car when suddenly, _"The Way We Were"_ began blaring through the speakers. He jumped and suddenly turned off the radio. Tyler, Matty and Dave were all staring at him as he cringed in embarrassment.

"That's not mine," Chandler tried.

"I think Sally just sold you out," Tyler said.

"That bitch," Chandler muttered.

"It's like I always say...thank G-d, you're funny," Tyler said.

Chandler let out a snort as he shook his head. "Let's go to Long Island."

He pulled out of the lot while Tyler played with the radio. Chandler continued driving. It was a pretty drive to Long Island, lined with trees that were slowly changing color. He was now a senior in high school and hoped to attend NYU the next year. He had wanted nothing more than to be in the heart of New York City. He felt like he was definitely escaping his past. He barely spoke to either one of his parents. His seventeenth birthday had come and gone without a call from either one. His holidays were spent at home where he was often alone while his mom was on a book tour or if there were parties in the club, he'd attend those. He was still drinking heavily during those trips home, but he didn't mind. The drinking made it so much easier to accept his crazy home life. He had decided though that once he got to college, he would never return home. He would spend the holidays in the city, maybe with Lizzie and then would work during the summers.

When they finally reached Lincoln High, they parked and looked at the stucco building with the big metal doors. It was then he remembered, that blonde girl who was wearing the Lincoln High sweatshirt. The one Lizzie thought was homeless. He wondered if she would be at the game. If she was, he would immediately tell Lizzie. He had thought that such an absurd assumption on Lizzie's part. That he had paid for some homeless girl, it made no sense to him. His thoughts were interrupted when Tyler motioned for them to follow him. The boys followed Tyler through the doors and down a brightly lit hall. Chandler took all of it in. Sometimes he did wonder what it would have been like to go to a typical high school but when he thought about it, his mind immediately went back to that dark day in the boys locker room in eighth grade when Shane had beaten him up and grabbed hold of Chandler's private area and squeezed. It still made him wince and he had assumed it would only get worse.

The boys finally reached the football field and there were football players in red and white spandex and cheerleaders jumping around in red and white skirts. The bleachers were filled with people dressed in costumes as well.

"Tyler."

Chandler turned his head towards a pretty and tall brunette who walked towards Tyler and immediately hugged him. He assumed this was the cousin Tyler was talking about and he was right.

"Hey...oh, these are my buddies, Dave, Chandler and Matty. Guys, this is Nancy," Tyler said.

"Hey...so you guys here to see the hermaphrodite cheerleader?" Nancy asked.

"Well, that was the reason I drove an hour and a half," Chandler said.

"Okay, well she's over there. You see that slut over there with the huge nose. Yeah, that's her," Nancy said, pointing to a girl with long brown hair. Chandler cocked his head to the side. He had never been good with names, forgetting even the name of the blonde girl from the movie, but faces he remembered and that girl's face looked familiar.

"She is hot, though," Matty said.

"There's a rumor she got preggers and had an abortion...but if you ask me, she probably just had sex with herself. That's what hermaphrodites do, right?" Nancy asked.

"What-what's her name?" Chandler asked.

"Um, whore," Nancy said.

"Her actual name," Chandler said.

"Oh, Rachel. Let's go. We'll find seats," Nancy said.

Chandler kept looking at Rachel and it dawned on him. The girl from camp. The girl whose bed he had filled with peanut butter. He could not wait to call Lizzie and tell her. Rachel was the hermaphrodite cheerleader? That could explain so much.

The four boys and Nancy found some seats behind a large brunette girl who was eating from a very large pumpkin shaped bowl of candy.

"Are these seats okay?" Nancy asked.

"They're fine," Chandler said.

"I bet we'd have a better view if Monicow would move," Nancy said.

"Monicow?" Chandler asked.

"The tub of lard in front of us," Nancy said.

The insult, while not directed at him, stung. The heavy girl in front of them turned around. The hurt evident in her crystal blue eyes.

"The name is Monica."

"Whatever. Turn around, lard ass. Although, I have to say Monicow, I am impressed. This must be the first time you've sat on the bleachers without breaking them," Nancy said.

Chandler wanted to disappear. Nancy was a bully. He knew bullies. He was the victim of them. He immediately recalled Shane's face and the pain of being beaten over and over. Eight hours. He had been alone in that boys locker room for eight hours. No one had gone to look for him. He felt that intense sadness all over again. He caught Monica's eye and could instantly see the pain. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? Monica turned back around and continued to eat her candy. He felt guilty, feeling he should have said something, anything.

"Okay, there she is. Rachel Green...she's a hermaphrodite and like I said, such a whore. She stole my boyfriend," Nancy said which made Monica turn around again.

"Hey, that's my best friend," Monica said.

"No, she's not, Monicow. She's your friend because she feels bad for you and besides she likes hanging out with lard asses because it makes her nose look smaller," Nancy said.

Chandler felt like someone was kicking him in the gut. He desperately wanted to say something but his voice kept getting caught in his throat. Monica looked at him again and turned around. He should have said something, anything. He was so thankful for the distraction when Matty tapped his arm and pointed him to the hermaphrodite. They continued watching the game, trying to see if they could detect the small hint of a penis from the hermaphrodite cheerleader. Chandler tried to enjoy himself, but he found he couldn't. Nancy kept making jabs at Monica most of the game. It was brutal and he started getting angry. He didn't drive an hour and a half to watch a bully in action.

After the game, Tyler, Matty, Chandler and Dave followed Nancy to the field where they began debating over who would talk to the hermaphrodite. Chandler had wanted it to be him because he thought he recognized her. He knew it was that girl from camp but Tyler kept pressing, using the fact that Nancy was his cousin as the reason he should talk to her. Chandler relented and let Tyler go. He would talk to her later.

"Do you think she'll show me?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, yeah. She's a slut. I heard she also pays guys to have sex with her," Nancy said.

"Okay, you have to stop," Chandler said, having had enough.

"What?" Nancy asked.

"You're just...you're mean. That girl that was sitting in front of us?" Chandler asked.

"Monicow?" Nancy asked.

"Um...yeah. Okay, but...don't you think you were kinda mean to her?" Chandler asked.

"What do you care? Are you planning marrying her?" Nancy asked.

"Well, no but-" Chandler said.

"Then what's the problem?" Nancy asked.

"I'm going in," Tyler said as he walked towards the girl with the big nose. Chandler, Matty, Dave and Nancy leaned in, trying to hear when suddenly the girl lifted her fist and decked him in the nose and stormed off, some other cheerleaders following her. Chandler, Matty, Dave and Nancy ran to Tyler who was sitting on the bleachers holding his nose.

"That bitch punched me in the face," Tyler said.

Chandler looked back and saw Rachel talking angrily to another cheerleader. He needed to talk to her. She would remember him. She'd have to.

"I'll be right back. I'll go talk to her," Chandler said.

"Be careful," Tyler said.

"I will," Chandler said as he ran off towards Rachel. As he got closer, she heard her complaining to her friend. His heart beat fast as he approached her and suddenly she stopped talking and glared at him.

"May I help you?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel?" Chandler asked.

"Who wants to know?" Rachel asked.

"It's Chandler. We went to camp together."

Chandler thought he saw a hint of recognition in her eyes which quickly vanished. She crossed her arms and ran her tongue over her teeth.

"Hmmmm, no. Doesn't ring a bell," Rachel said.

Chandler raised an eyebrow and stared at her. "You're joking, right?"

"No. But...I don't normally hang out with losers. Sorry."

"Hmmmm...so do you still like peanut butter?" Chandler asked.

Rachel let out a grunt as she closed her eyes. Chandler was getting furious. He knew she was pretending not to know him.

"G-d, you're weird," Rachel said.

"And you're just real special," Chandler said as he turned to walk off before turning back and yelling, "hey, Coyote...still waiting for you to run off that cliff."

"Screw you, loser. Nice haircut, you look like a jackass," Rachel said before grabbing her friends arm and storming off. Chandler was even more angry when he walked back to his friends and learned Nancy had left them as well.

"Where the fuck did your cousin go?" Chandler asked.

"She left," Tyler said.

"I am so pissed right now. We drove a fucking hour and a half," Chandler said when he noticed that heavy girl, Monica, talking to a tall skinny boy with a keytar around his neck. Chandler walked over to them. "Hey, hi...um, I'm...Richard Brooks."

Chandler really did not want to give his real name. He had an evil plan and did not want it traced back to him.

"Oh, hey, Richard. I'm Ross."

"I'm Monica. You were sitting behind me. Did you like the game?"

"Yes," Chandler said.

"You look really familiar, have we met?" Monica asked.

"Probably not." Chandler said.

"But...how come your friend called you Chandler if your name is Richard?" Monica asked.

"It's an inside joke. Look...I'm friend of Rachel Green's and she asked me to grab something from her car and I'm a total idiot, I completely forgot what car she drives. Do you know?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, yes...it's a black Mercedes Benz 300. She's spot number 16 in the lot. Do you want me to take you?" Ross asked.

"No, no. That's fine, thank you," Chandler said.

"What do you need to get from her car?" Monica asked.

"Peanut butter," Chandler shot back.

"Peanut butter? I love peanut butter but Rachel doesn't like peanut butter. She said something happened at camp once and she didn't like it anymore after," Monica said.

"Did she now? Huh, well...it seems she suddenly developed a taste for it. Thank you, Monica and Ross and G-d bless you both," Chandler said walking back to his friends who were staring at him, wondering what was going on.

"What's up? You look unhinged," Dave asked.

"Tyler, you know what car Nancy drives, right?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...why?" Tyler asked.

"I wanna play," Chandler say.

"I love it when you wanna play," Tyler said.

"Alright, boys...here are my keys. Go back to Sally, open her trunk. Fill up the balloons with shaving cream and get the silly string ready. I'm going to find the cafeteria to go get some peanut butter," Chandler said as he tossed Matty his keys and walked off. He soon found the cafeteria and walked towards a kitchen where he managed to sneak in and make his way towards the fridge where he stole some eggs and two very large tubs of mayonnaise and peanut butter. He snuck them into a black bag that was on the counter and snuck out of the kitchen and made his way to the parking lot where Matty and Dave were filling balloons with shaving cream. Tyler was sitting in the car, still in pain.

"You ready?" Chandler asked.

"Yep. Their cars are right next to each other," Matty said.

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"And they're not here," Matty said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Nancy and Rachel got into someone's car and left," Dave said.

"You're joking? Nancy was awful and horrible to not only Rachel, but Rachel's friend. How are they friends?" Chandler asked..

"That's girls for ya'", Dave said.

"I don't get it. Alright, let's go. Let's get this done then we'll go to a party in Queens," Chandler said as he, Matty and Dave went to work, leaving Tyler alone to keep watch. They sprayed silly string all over the cars, threw the whipped cream filled balloons and eggs at them and then covered their windshields and windows. They covered Nancy's with the large tub of mayo and Rachel's with the large tub of peanut butter. In the peanut butter, Chandler wrote out, "COYOTE". It took them several hours and was dark by the time they were done, but they were thrilled with their work. When they got back into Sally, Chandler turned on Sally's headlights and drove close to the two cars.

"You are amazing, man," Matty said.

"Why did you write COYOTE on Rachel's car?" Dave asked.

"Wylie Coyote. You spend the entire cartoon waiting for the coyote to run off a cliff. Rachel is like Wylie Coyote, just waiting for her to run off a cliff," Chandler said.

"Do you think she'll get the reference?" Dave asked.

"I think she will," Chandler said.

"Oh, headlights. I think they're back," Tyler said.

"Let's go," Chandler said as he drove out of the lot, peering briefly into his rear view mirror. He stopped right by the exit as he noticed a car stop in front of Nancy and Rachel's cars. Tyler, Dave, Matty and Chandler rolled down their windows and Chandler turned off his lights. They heard the screams.

"Oh, they are pissed," Matty said as they heard Rachel and Nancy both screaming and cussing. The boys started laughing as Chandler drove out of the lot and waited until they were a safe enough distance before turning on his lights again and driving off towards Queens. The next stop on their Halloween night.

"How how hard do you think it will be to get all that crap off their cars?" Matty asked.

"I don't really care. Tyler, how's your face?" Chandler asked.

"I can't believe that bitch punched me. All I wanted to do was see her penis...is that too much to ask?" Tyler asked.

"Whoa, whoa...did you ask her that?" Matty asked.

"I said please," Tyler said.

"You're an idiot," Matty said.

Chandler laughed as they headed down the highway, following Dave's directions to the home in Queens where this huge party was supposed to be taking place. He eventually found it and it was hard to miss. The party seemed to fill up the entire block with people walking in and out of houses dressed in costumes. It took Chandler awhile to find a place to park, not wanting Sally to get injured while he was partying. He found a garage a few blocks away and parked in there.

"You do realize there was a spot like right in front of the house," Matty said.

"I didn't wanna leave Sally vulnerable. She needs protection," Chandler said.

"Dude, you're sad," Tyler said.

"Says the guy who just got punched in the face by a hermaphrodite," Chandler grinned.

"I cannot believe you actually asked if she had a penis," Matty said.

"I said please," Tyler argued.

The boys laughed as they got out of the car. Chandler made sure Sally was completely locked up before they walked towards the street where this party was going on. Dave motioned for them to follow him towards a large white, wood paneled home It kinda reminded Chandler of a more spread out version of those club parties in the basement. This party though was in practically every house.

"Oh there he is," Dave pointed as he pushed through some crowds of people. Matty, Chandler and Tyler followed him as they made their way towards a guy with jet black hair. He had several girls surrounding him wearing. "Hey, Joe."

"Dave," the muscle guy extracted himself from the girls and walked towards them. "Dave, what's going on?"

"Nothing, we're here for the party. These are my buddies, Tyler, Matty and Chandler."

"Chandler? Cool name, man. It's like a chandelier...but not," the guy mused.

"Yes. Exactly," Chandler said.

"I'm Joey. This is my house that we're standing in front of. So, Dave...you're graduating this year, right? How's the boarding school life treating you?" Joey asked.

"Good. We're graduating next June. You graduated already, right?" Dave asked.

"Yeah, baby. I graduated last June," Joey said.

"What are you doing now?" Dave asked.

"Just started doing construction work and um...auditioning. I'm gonna be an actor, but let's not discuss this. We got a party. Chicks, man," Joey said.

"Do you have anything to drink?" Chandler asked.

"We got sodas and stuff," Joey said motioning to his house.

"Something stronger," Chandler said.

"I like this guy," Joey said as he put his arm around Chandler and led him into the house with Tyler, Matty and Dave following behind. Chandler had often kept it secret how much he drank when he wasn't at school. His parents had always let him drink till he passed out. He lived in a house with no rules or except the ones his parents occasionally made. He drank at every club party. Sophie had always told him not to talk about how much he drank, but now he was in the mood. He wanted to get smashed. Joey led them to a table filled with booze.

"Be careful though, man. No driving," Joey said.

"Dude, I didn't know you drank," Dave said.

"At home. I had my first drink when I was like eight or nine. My parents would throw wild parties," Chandler said.

"Well, I don't drink so I'll drive," Dave said, holding his hand out. Chandler smiled as he handed him the keys.

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"We gotta protect Sally, right?" Dave asked.

"Always," Chandler said as he poured Jack into a large red plastic cup. This was a very crazy party and it did remind Chandler a bit of home. He almost expected to see his mother gyrating against some guy. The music was loud as he and his friends decided to separate and meet up again in about an hour or so at the drink table. Chandler walked around the perimeter of the living room of Joey's house. Joey seemed like a nice enough guy, a bit of a meat head, not the type of guy Chandler could ever imagine being friends with.

"Look who's here."

A chill went up his spine as he recognized the voice instantly. He turned and looked at Shane who was dressed as a gift with a card attached to him that said, "TO: WOMEN FROM: G-D".

"Shane? If you're G-d's gift to women than man there will be a lot of returns come tomorrow," Chandler said, the alcohol briefly hiding the fear he felt in Shane's presence. His entire body ached as he remembered the damage Shane had done to him. Chandler felt cornered as Shane moved in on him.

"You wanna play beat the clown?" Shane said, glaring at him.

"Get away from me, Shane," Chandler said.

"Not 'till I get to play my favorite game, Fagler Bang."

Chandler's heart dropped as he bit his lip. He wanted to leave. Would Shane really beat him up there in a room filled with people? Would people care if he got beaten up in front of everyone? Maybe they'd think it was some Halloween thing.

"Hey, Shane. What's going on here? Am I interrupting something?" Joey asked, walking over to them, drink in hand. Chandler watched as Joey who was shorter than Shane, put his arm around Shane's shoulders and yanked him back. Did Joey notice Chandler was in trouble? How did Joey do that?

"Joe, hey...yeah, man...I realized I went to junior high with this kid," Shane said, suddenly looking a little scared. Chandler noticed the change immediately. Was Shane afraid of Joey? Joey really did not seem all that terrifying.

"That's awesome. You two catching up?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna go over...yeah," Shane walked off and Chandler suddenly let out a breath. Joey laughed and patted Chandler on the back.

"Relax, man. Shane's harmless...but you let me know if he gives you shit. I'll be on it," Joey said.

"Thank you," Chandler said, giving Joey a look. He wasn't sure what Shane was so afraid of when it came to Joey, but he was thankful he was afraid.

"Of course. Any friend of Dave's is a friend of mine. Now, see those five girls over there? I'm trying to hook up with the blonde dressed as Bo Derrick. Wanna be my Wingman?" Joey asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said as he followed Joey towards the group of girls. Chandler watched in amazement as Joey talked with ease to the blonde girl and soon walked off with her. His Wingman duties were short lived.

It had been an amazing Halloween and the one person he wanted to tell all about it to was Lizzie. He got home at three am that morning though, wasted. Dave had driven Sally home and the next day, Chandler woke up with a hangover. The hangovers were the worst part of drinking although the last time he had gone home, one of his mother's boyfriends had helped him out with the hangovers. He gave him vicodin which immediately took care of Chandler's hangover. So the boyfriend gave Chandler several bottles to help him whenever he had a hangover and that definitely helped that day. As soon as he got up, he took two vicodin and called Lizzie to tell her everything that had gone on the night before. Lizzie was stunned.

"You did what?" Lizzie asked.

"I...I pranked them. Rachel was horrible. Did you know she has a penis?"

"I don't think she has a penis. I shared a cabin with her."

"Did you ever see her naked?" Chandler asked.

"No, but she doesn't have a penis. Come on and I can't believe you vandalized their cars."

"Hey, you thought it was different when I put peanut butter on her sheets."

"That's different. You vandalized two cars and I bet it's gonna take a really long time for them to clean it."

"That Nancy girl was bully."

"What you did was bullying too. I know Rachel is a bitch and that Nancy girl sounds horrible, but come on."

"I saw Shane," Chandler said.

"Oh...I'm sorry. Where?"

"At a Halloween party. He was friends with the guy who hosted the party."

"Did he recognize you?" Lizzie asked.

"Yes and he wanted to beat me up. Look, Liz...what I did to Rachel and Nancy was harmless. They just need to get their cars washed. It hurt to pee for three weeks after what Shane did to me," Chandler said, angrily whispering into the phone. Lizzie was the only girl who knew everything, knew every truth about Chandler. It was something about their relationship, perhaps the fact that it was always on the phone but he unloaded so much on her and she listened.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. He didn't beat me up. It was a great party otherwise...I drank a lot."

"You did?"

"Yes. I didn't drive."

"I believe you...it's just...Chandler...I know you've been drinking since you were like eight or nine, but you really shouldn't be drinking."

"This is the first time I've ever woken up at school hung over and it's no big deal. I took two vicodin as soon as I woke up-"

"You took vicodin?"

"One of my mom's boyfriends gave it to me last year. It's an awesome hang over cure."

"Chandler."

"Stop judging me, Liz."

"I'm sorry. You know I care about you...and it's just...it's a slippery slope," Lizzie said.

"I know, I'm fine."

"And next year, I'm going to NYU and I want you to be there."

"I will be. With you. Don't worry," Chandler said.

"Good. Now tell me more about your night. I won't judge."

Chandler smiled as he launched into everything that had gone on the night before. He could not wait until the next year when they could be together all the time. He was counting down and it would be nothing short of amazing as soon he would be able to finally be considered an adult...legally.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Okay, given the fact that really no one is apparently reading this. I think I've gotten one hit, I have to ask, is this story THAT bad? Yes, I understand Chandler's childhood is dark but given what he went through-it's understandable. Also, he wasn't with Monica really until 1998, so he could have had other girlfriends before then. I'm just not sure why people hate this story so much...seriously, it got one hit. Not doing a lot for my confidence, but given that no one is reading this, there's no point in really editing too closely. **_

**April 8, 1987-September 1987**

Not every eighteen year old spends their birthday in an accountant's office sitting between his mother and father, both of whom were dressed rather conservatively. His father was actually wearing dress pants and a jacket and his mother was was wearing a blouse. They looked normal. It was shocking, eighteen years he had asked for this moment and he finally got it but not for a birthday party or a graduation, but for a meeting at Daniel Kenningston's office. Daniel was a tall man with slicked back brown hair and circular glasses that looked like the Where's Waldo glasses. It was a surreal experience and what made it stranger was what he was being told. There was a trust. The Bing Family Trust. It was set up about sixty, seventy years ago and whenever a member of the Bing family turned eighteen, they were entitled to a very healthy portion of that trust and now Chandler sat, staring at a piece of paper with a number that was followed by more zeros than he had ever seen in his life.

"Crap," Chandler muttered, over and over again. He kept staring at the paper, thinking if he looked away, it would somehow vanish.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked.

"Crap," Chandler said.

"Happy birthday," Charles said.

"Crap," Chandler said.

"Can you say other words?" Nora asked.

"Shit," Chandler said, "wait, so this is all my money? This is my portion of the Bing family trust?"

"Yes," Daniel said.

"Fuck. Screw going to college, I'll go buy my own college...and make myself valedictorian...and only accept Playboy models," Chandler said.

"But wait...there are strings attached to this trust," Daniel said.

"I can't buy a college and fill it with Playboy models? What if I declare myself the president? Can I be the president...but not of America, but like, of the world? Maybe I can be a dictator. It's been a long time since we had a good old fashioned dictator. Dictator Chandler. I like it. But I won't be one of those dictators that like kills people 'cause that would just put a damper in everyone's weekend," Chandler said.

"The trust is there to assist you or someone. If you want to invest in someone that you believe in or might need help...if you want to buy a house, fund your education...fund someone else's education. That's what this is for. It not for buying gifts or paying rent or paying bills or becoming a dictator. It's to do good...you still have to go and have a life and make your own way. This isn't inheritance money," Daniel said.

"So, I'll like still have to get a job and stuff?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Daniel said.

"Huh," Chandler said, staring at the paper. It was crazy to him how surreal this all was. He knew he had been born into a world of privilege. He knew his family had excess wealth. He never had to worry about anything when it came to finances but he was never given an exact number on just how wealthy his family was. The Bings were apparently part of the one percenters, the insanely wealthy. He had an entire trust fund although there were rules, but nonetheless he still had the trust fund. He wasn't sure what to make of it although it did dawn on him that it was yet another thing that made him different, but it was a good different. He was rich. He immediately thought of that show, _Silver Spoons_ where that rich kid had the most amazing living room.

"Can I buy a train set like on _Silver Spoons_? And I can ride it like all over my house? Or...the United States of America," Chandler asked. "I'd have to invest in a hat."

"No," Daniel said.

"What if I promise to pick up homeless kids and give them sandwiches? I think I paid for a movie for a homeless kid a couple years ago." Chandler asked.

"This isn't money to play," Daniel said.

"Shit...this is a lot of money. Happy birthday to me," Chandler mused.

"Happy birthday son," Nora said, patting his hand. "And this summer, as your graduation gift, you get free reign of the house," Nora said.

"But you always leave me alone in that house," Chandler said.

"Yes, but now you can invite other people. I'll be gone all summer," Nora said.

"Hmmmm," Chandler said before looking back at the piece of paper with the number for his trust fund and suddenly sat up, his eyes widening, "no...dude, wait...can I get a pony?"

Daniel, Nora and Charles began laughing as Chandler kept staring at that number. It was huge.

"You got a funny kid there, Charles," Daniel said.

"Yeah, that's why we never put him up for adoption," Charles said.

"You make the joke, yet I believe it's true," Chandler said. "Okay, okay...scratch the pony. We'll come back to that. A jet aircraft like the one in _Top Gun_. Seriously and then I will fly the homeless people...to homes. That's a movie of the week right there. The story just writes itself. Wait, what if we build homes across the country and then I take the homeless people in my jet aircraft and then they have to skydive out of the jet and try to land in a house. Okay, you can't tell me that wouldn't just be a great day for everyone. I'll buy lunch. Perhaps a nice deli platter."

Charles and Nora patted Chandler on the back as he kept staring at that paper. It was amazing, an incredible thing although he knew the strings that were attached to it. He knew he couldn't just buy himself toys, but the fact that he had it, that his name was attached to that much money made him almost giddy.

When he got home from the accountants that day, he immediately called Lizzie. She was absolutely thrilled to hear all about this. It seemed very cool to her.

"So, wait...if I date you in college can I just say, I'm dating you for your money?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah...that would be awesome. I've always wanted to have someone date me for my money," Chandler said.

"So what did you do after the accountants office?" Lizzie asked.

"I came back here."

"It's your birthday. Your parents didn't take you to lunch or something?"

"Really? My mother's graduation gift was 'I'm leaving you for the entire summer'. Enjoy," Chandler said.

"That's sad."

"No. It is what it is. You're coming out this summer, though."

"For what?"

"For the party. If I have control over that house for the summer, I am having a party. I'm not spending the summer alone waiting for college to start. I wanna have fun. Every summer, every holiday, I spend it alone. I want to be in control. I'm eighteen."

"Yeah but-"

"Come on Liz...other people will be there. Let's make this amazing. I'm apparently shitting money. Let me shit some of it into a kegger. Wow, that just sounded disgusting."

"You still can't get booze. You're eighteen not twenty one."

"I have booze and I know people."

"My parents are not gonna let me spend the entire summer alone with you."

"There will be others there. Please?" Chandler asked.

"Alright...okay, I will be there," Lizzie said.

"Good."

Chandler could not believe how happy he was at that moment. He was deliriously happy. There was so much going right in his life at that moment. He was almost done with high school and had gotten into NYU. He could not wait to be part of the city. He was more than ready to leave suburbia. Even his boarding school was nestled in the midst of suburbia. He was glad he had made the choice to go to boarding school. He imagined graduating with guys like that Shane guy and that just made him cringe. Here, he was graduating with friends. He would be saying goodbye to people he liked and would be going to college doing it all his own way.

Of course before the summer began, he had a few more months of school to get through. There was prom which was going to be with the girls boarding school down the street. Matty had set Chandler up with a girl named, Sarah who was the roommate of Matty's date. Sarah was nice enough. She had brown hair, blue eyes and was attending Harvard the next year. Chandler tried to impress her with his humor but she did not seem to find him funny. He tried but soon he gave up and spent much of his prom planning the senior prank, wanting that to be his legacy. It had to be, after all, he had been voted Class Clown, a title he took very seriously.

Chandler had made plans for this prank. He had enlisted the help of Mike, Tyler, Paul, Matty and Dave, his closest friends at The Perry School and they were all on board. The prank involved letting chickens fill the halls, covering floors with bubble wrap and hitting freshmen with water balloons. He had instructed a mural to be painted on a wall outside remembering the Class of 1987 and had set the PA system to play Bette Midler songs as transitions between classes. It was his legacy and that June when he accepted his diploma, he heard cheering from behind him. His classmates liked him and he could not stop smiling. He looked out into the audience and saw Principal Allens and Gladys, Carl and Sophie and waved. His parents were unable to attend but he hadn't expected them to. By now, he had accepted that if it had something to do with him, his parents would probably not put in too much effort into supporting him.

Kids began arriving at Chandler's house soon after graduation ended and summer began. Chandler's mom had stocked the club with enough booze to last the summer and there was no reason for any of them to have to leave. Chandler could not believe how many people had shown up and he loved that he would not be spending the summer alone.

"How were you not more popular as a kid?" Mike asked as he, Matty, Paul, Dave and Tyler sat around a table drinking. It was a typical party in the club of Chandler's house.

"Well, first of all...club parties were usually for my mother's friends," Chandler said.

"Then you should have had us over more," Tyler said.

"Well, you guys do crap for Thanksgiving," Chandler said.

"You really don't eat Thanksgiving food?" Tyler asked.

"Haven't since I was nine and I never will again," Chandler said, lifting the cup of Jack to his lips and taking a long drink. He watched as there were close to fifty people on the dance floor. He wished his parents could see this. He was well liked, popular. He had never felt this popular and he wondered how long it would last. Sure there was part of him that wondered if these people were actually his friends or if they were just there for the party, but he didn't care...as long as they were there and kept showing up.

Chandler had always been a heavy drinker. He had been drinking regularly for so long that he drank until he passed out every single night during the summers...normally and this particular summer was no different. Night after night, he drank while people partied and danced around him. He felt like the king. The problem was the day time. During the day, the house cleared out and he was alone with only his hangover to occupy him. Matty, Tyler, Mike, Paul and Dave would often stop by during the day to check on him, but mostly it was Lizzie. She would take care of him, make him breakfast and sit with him as they would watch movies and relax, until the party began again.

"You up?" Lizzie asked, walking into his bedroom. It was the middle of summer now and there had been yet another party which Chandler drank too much at. It was now mid afternoon and Lizzie, as always, had taken on the task of caring for him. She would make sure he was feeling okay, bringing him breakfast, coffee and making sure he wasn't too sick. She worried about him. She cared so deeply for the boy she had known since summer camp and watching him destroy himself night after night killed her. He groaned as he sat up in his bed. Lizzie brought him a mug filled with coffee as he sat up.

"Yeah...wow, that was a wild night."

"Yeah, it was."

"It was the craziest one yet," Chandler said.

"Chandler...I don't...I'm...I think you're drinking too much."

"I'm not. I'm fine."

"You're only eighteen. This is dangerous, what you're doing."

"I'm fine," Chandler said as he reached for a pill bottle on the top of his dresser and opened it. He took three pills out of the bottle, put them in his mouth and swallowed it with coffee.

"What did you just take?"

"Vicodin. It cures hangovers."

"I don't know, Chandler. This scares me."

"I'm fine. Gotta get ready for tonight's party. I need to buy more stuff."

"Who's paying for all of this?"

"Probably my dad...or anyone who can buy me alcohol. I'm a trust fund kid. Money is no option."

"That makes you sound like a douchebag," Lizzie said.

Chandler smiled as he placed the mug on his dresser and leaned into give Lizzie a kiss. She kissed him back. She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. The kiss grew deeper as she lay down next to him. They lay side by side, still holding onto each other. Chandler loved laying there with a girl in his bed. He loved holding her, he could lay there forever with her head on his chest. He wondered what would happen in the next year. He imagined walking around New York with her, holding her hand.

"Liz."

"Yeah?"

"Um...can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Can I...can I call you my girlfriend? I mean, I like you and we get along well...and seeing as we'll be in the same city and...yeah..."

Lizzie looked up at him and moved up so her face was inches from his. She leaned in to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tighter.

"Nothing would make me happier," Lizzie said.

Chandler smiled as he continued kissing her. The kissing became more and more intense as he gently ran his hands up and down her body, he felt such a rush surge through his body. It was an exciting rush, amazing. He smiled as Lizzie gently ran her fingers in the rim of his pants and gently began to tug at the boxers he was wearing, pulling them down and gently massaging his penis. He let out a moan. He didn't mind this type of penis grabbing. This kind he enjoyed. It did occur to him briefly that he had never done this before and he was a virgin. He thought of asking if she was a virgin or not but decided he didn't want to know.

"Chandler...do you have a condom?" Lizzie asked.

Chandler opened his mouth and shut it. Shit. He did not. But he knew where to find one.

"Um...no...but my mom has a stash under her bed."

"Are you joking?" Lizzie asked.

"Unfortunately, no...and I can't leave."

"I'll be right back. Keep it up, baby," Lizzie grinned as she ran out of the room and came back with a box. She took a condom out of the package and gently rolled it on to him as he let out a loud moan. They continued exploring each other, rubbing against each other. It was a pleasure Chandler had never felt before and soon he turned Lizzie over onto the bed, they both were naked as Chandler hovered over her. He had seen enough movies to know what he needed to do. He was scared as he entered her and she let out a gasp. She grinned as he moved back and forth, both of their bodies seeming to move in perfect unison and just like that, they were done. He lay beside her, holding her tightly.

"That was amazing," Chandler said, kissing her neck.

"Yeah. It was," Lizzie said, turning over and kissing his nose. "You're the best boyfriend ever."

"I can't believe I'm starting college with a girlfriend. I'm so lucky."

"And as your girlfriend...can I ask...please stop drinking so much. It scares me."

"I'll try," Chandler said. She turned back and moved his arm so it was around her. He held her as they lay in silence. He was falling for this girl in his arms. He had known her for so long and there was part of him that wondered if this was the girl, the one. If this could be his future wife? He could imagine it so clearly, their wedding and their children. They'd live in a big home with tons of kids and friends. They'd be together. He smiled at that thought, he felt happy.

The parties continued throughout the remainder of the summer. Night after night, Chandler drinking until he passed out and Lizzie taking care of him. It was a continuous cycle. He did try to curb the drinking but there was something about being drunk that he enjoyed. Something about feeling invincible. No one could touch him and no one would care.

Soon summer was over and it was time to move into his NYU dorm which was incredibly tiny. There were two beds pressed up against each wall and two closets, two desks and a bathroom. Chandler had planned on moving in first thing in the morning but there had been a party the night before, one final blow out before and he had drank way too much so he ended up moving in late that afternoon. Lizzie had helped him move in. He knew he couldn't rely on his parents for help and Tyler, Matty, Mike, Dave and Paul had all left for college already. When he got to his dorm, he noticed his roommate had already been there. He had plastered his wall with pictures of dinosaurs which Chandler found a little strange. He had covered his side with movie posters. He and Lizzie went to work making his half look good. It took several hours and finally both sat side by side on his bed staring at his roommate's side of the room. Chandler did wonder where this roommate was, but part of him was glad he the guy hadn't come back from where ever he was. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with Lizzie.

"Do you think my roommate will like me?"

"Of course," Lizzie said.

"It's just...I was lucky 'cause in high school, I had Matty, Paul, Mike, Dave and Tyler and we were like buddies and shit and now...they all are going to colleges across the country and I'm...I don't know if I'll make friends-"

"Holy crap, your roommate knows Rachel."

"Thank you," Chandler said.

"No, look," Lizzie got up and walked towards the roommate's bed. She got on it and looked at a picture he had up of a brunette in her cheerleading uniform. Chandler got up as well and looked at the picture as well. His mouth dropped as he looked at Lizzie.

"Oh, shit."

"That is her, right? I mean, it's been awhile since I've seen her, but that is her?" Lizzie asked.

"It's her. Damn, you can't even see her penis."

"Okay, she's not a hermaphrodite, Chandler."

"You don't know."

"What if it's his girlfriend?" Lizzie asked.

"What are you doing?" asked someone from behind them.

Both Chandler and Lizzie jumped about ten feet in the air as they moved off the bed and saw a tall, skinny guy with curly hair standing there staring at them.

"Hi, sorry...I'm Chandler and this is Lizzie. Sorry...you must be-"

"Ross. Geller. I took that bed. Hope that's okay."

"It's fine. Um...we were just admiring this picture of your girlfriend. She's very pretty," Chandler said.

"Oh, she's not my girlfriend. She's...I have a bit of a crush on her. I've had a crush on her since like ninth grade, and...she's a senior this year. She's friends with my sister. Her name is Rachel."

"Does she have a penis?" Chandler asked which made Lizzie suddenly smack him.

"Chandler," Lizzie said.

"What?" Ross asked.

"Big Giant Fetus. Does she like Big Giant Fetus? It's an underground rock band. It's...uh...yeah, Lizzie and I are gonna...I'll see you later," Chandler said as he walked past Ross and out the door. Lizzie followed closely behind. The two walked out and down the hall where they both dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Oh my G-d," Lizzie said.

"He looks like Mr. Kotter," Chandler said.

"I know...and that is Rachel."

"I know. So should I bring up the peanut butter?" Chandler asked.

"No, he'll hate you. Although, she's friends with his sister so if she comes, I would offer her some peanut butter."

"She'll probably pretend she has no clue who I am."

"I'm sure she knows now...hey, you wanna go for a ride in Sally?"

"Yeah, let's...we should explore the city."

Chandler laughed as the two continued to walk down the hall, hand in hand. College was off to a good start for Chandler. He was in the city, finally and he had a fantastic girlfriend. He wasn't sure about this new roommate. Ross seemed nice enough, although a little strange. But he was looking forward to four years of being even more free and becoming even more separated from who he once was..


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to the people who have reviewed...I really do wish more people were reviewing and liking this. If it is because Monica and Chandler are not together yet, don't worry-they will be. This is 1987. They're not together yet and Chandler is allowed to date other people. **

**September 1987-November 1987**

Chandler was in hell. He had spent four years with a roommate. Tyler was a fun roommate, fairly laid back. He and Chandler got along very well. They spent four years as roommates. Chandler knew how to live with a roommate. Not only did he room with Tyler, he also shared a suite with Dave and Matty and their common area was always packed because Chandler had the movies and had the Commodore 64. Chandler also grew up with no real rules like bedtimes or rules about when things needed to be quiet. Tyler had never cared about that. If Tyler was ever annoyed by anything Chandler did, he'd leave and it was vice versa as well. There were no fights, no tense moments...Chandler never had the desire to throw Tyler out a window. Ross Geller was different. He had hours. No noise before ten am and no noise after ten pm which he strictly adhered to and expected Chandler to do the same which Chandler could not do as the last time he had ever been to sleep before ten pm, he was probably five. Growing up in his house, the parties were constant so he stayed up and drank until he passed out and that was usually after midnight and then in high school, he often stayed up late as well. He'd watch movies, play his games. Ross had rules and he had the stupid humidifier which made a whooshing sound that made Chandler want to take a bat to it. Ross was also obsessed completely with Rachel, talking about her constantly. Lizzie had told Chandler to not tell Ross about his run ins with Rachel, thinking it wouldn't end well so he didn't. Ross also forbade Lizzie from sleeping in their room which pissed Chandler off. He had lived with another guy for four years. He had dreamt of the time when he could wake up with Lizzie in his arms every single day.

He did like his suitemate, Kip. Kip also hated his roommate so Chandler and Kip would often commiserate together, complaining about the latest infraction they had apparently committed.

"He yelled at me because I was watching a movie at 10:03pm," Chandler groaned.

Chandler and Kip were sitting at a pizza place with Lizzie. It was the middle of September and Lizzie loved hearing Kip and Chandler's horrible roommate stories. Kip's roommate was a guy named Josh who would pee in his bed and yell constantly.

"Please, Josh...okay, I'm not an anally neat guy but if you leave old food under the bed until it becomes some moldy mess, I'm gonna kick you in the balls," Kip said.

"I don't get it. Oh, I let Ross drive Sally back from that party last week-" Chandler said.

"Wait, Ross went to a party?" Lizzie asked.

"Yes, after that one party when I got really, really wasted...Ross has decided he needs to become my designated driver-" Chandler said.

"Well, you are a heavy drinker...and I hate that," Lizzie said.

"Yeah, okay but he decides that he's gonna be my designated driver but then at ten o'clock pm, on the dot, he goes, 'haven't you had enough? It's time to go home now'"...oh fuck, you know what? Bite me. This city closes at four am and I'm staying out till four and then getting my drunk ass something to eat and I'm gonna take that humidifier and I'm gonna stuff down his throat," Chandler said.

"And what about Ross driving Sally?" Lizzie said.

"He drove her so slowly, I was stone cold sober by the time I got home," Chandler said,

"Oh, oh, what about the quiet hands?" Kip asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said, mimicking Ross' hand movement for being quiet. "He looks like he's a having a psychotic break."

"Does he still talk about Rachel a lot?" Lizzie asked.

"It's creepy. I'm about to tell him that I was the one that covered her car with peanut butter."

"Do not tell him that, he's gonna hate you," Lizzie said.

"I can't believe you did that," Kip said.

"I don't-I don't know how I will survive the year. I'm going to kill him," Chandler said.

"Give him a break. He obviously grew up more sheltered than you," Lizzie said.

"I guess," Chandler said letting out a sigh. He was happy to at least have a friend in Kip and of course, to have Lizzie there was a blessing. Every single day, they'd hang out together, eat meals, go out, go to parties. Lizzie did continue her role of taking care of him when he drank too much, but they made quite a team. He loved having her around, it made rooming with Ross so much easier.

Around Halloween, Chandler and Lizzie had planned to go to a party in one of the neighboring dorms. Chandler was going as Prince, wearing a tight, shiny purple suit. He was busy curling his hair to make it all Prince like when there was a knock. Chandler opened the door and grinned as Lizzie walked in dressed as Wonder Woman.

"Oh, baby," Chandler grinned as she walked towards him and kissed him. "I like this a lot."

"I thought you would," Lizzie said as the two continued kissing, "oh, Prince."

"You guys realize, I'm right here," Ross said.

"Hmmm, Ross...come with us," Lizzie said.

"I'm fine...unless, do you want me to be your designated driver? I'll drive Sally, if you want. I just need to be home before ten," Ross said.

"It's Saturday. You don't need to be home before ten...and you know what...Liz is right, come with us, Ross. Have you ever gotten wasted?"

"I'm not twenty one. It's illegal to drink if you're not twenty one," Ross said.

"Dude, I've been drinking since I was nine," Chandler said.

"That's really not something to be proud of though," Lizzie said.

"Nine? You're joking, right?" Ross asked.

"No. Come on, Ross. You're in college," Chandler said.

"Aren't you afraid of your parents finding out?" Ross asked.

"Uh well-"

"I wouldn't go there," Lizzie said. "Come on, Ross. You got Wonder Woman to protect you."

Chandler really did want Ross to come. He wanted nothing more than his roommate to join him. For as crazy as Ross made him, he really did want to see if he could succeed in loosening Ross up. Ross let out a sigh and reluctantly agreed which thrilled both Lizzie and Chandler.

At the party though, Chandler drank way too much. It was becoming a habit for him and he knew it. He knew drank more than most people and until he met Lizzie or Ross, he had never really been told it was bad and he shouldn't be drinking. His peers drank, it seemed, now that college had started but he was so far beyond college drinking and he always ended up passed out, Lizzie taking care of him or someone taking care of him. Lizzie always seemed to be concerned, but Chandler wasn't. He saw no reason to be. He was doing well and he was never drunk in class. He had very specific rules for his drinking and he followed them.

"Hmmmm," Chandler groaned as he cuddled up next Lizzie who was holding him, giving him water to drink. The Halloween party was still going on around them as Lizzie, Chandler and Ross sat on a couch together. Ross was eating from a big bowl of candy while watching Lizzie take care of Chandler.

"He sure does drink a lot, doesn't he?" Ross asked.

"I don't drink a lot...I...I just...I party like a snorkel...wait, that doesn't make sense...a fish. Fish are funny," Chandler slurred.

"Baby, drink some more water," Lizzie said.

"I wanna 'nother shot of a Jello...those were yummy in the tummy," Chandler said, laughing as he drank some of the water Lizzie gave him.

"He's...he likes to have fun," Lizzie said.

"But it's scary. He gets wasted every time he goes to a party. It's really not...he's only eighteen. It's not even legal for him to be getting this drunk and what if-"

"You know what, Ross. Shut the fuck up. 'Kay...you don't know me. You know me no not at all. 'Kay...just shut up," Chandler said.

"He doesn't mean that. He's just drunk. Hey, can I sleep in your room tonight and take care of him. I know you don't like me staying in there but-" Lizzie said.

"No, you can...it's fine." Ross said.

"Um...Lizzie you gonna sleep with me tonight?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, baby," Lizzie said.

"Am I gonna have sex?" Chandler asked.

"No, sweetie. We're gonna sleep."

"He's an alcoholic," Ross mused.

"No, I'm not. You're an al-chew-al-coo...that's a hard word," Chandler said, his eyes barely open as Lizzie held him and Ross looked on, concerned for his roommate. He knew Chandler didn't like him very much and he wasn't too fond of Chandler either, but he just could not fathom leaving. There was something about this guy, he just wanted to be Chandler's friend.

The next morning, Chandler woke up, still in his Prince costume and Lizzie beside him. He slowly opened his eyes to the sound of the door slamming shut. Chandler let out a groan.

"Oh, not so loud," Chandler said.

"I brought you coffee," Ross said.

"Thanks," Chandler said as Ross handed him a cup. Chandler placed the coffee on his desk and reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a pill bottle. He put six in his hand and swallowed them down with the coffee.

"What did you take?" Ross asked.

"I thought you stopped that," Lizzie said.

"It's Vicodin, it's fine...it helps with hang overs."

"You took six?" Ross asked.

"Stop judging me. Please. Both of you," Chandler said.

"I hate this...you promised that you would stop or at least not drink so much," Lizzie said.

"I will...just I'm fine. Okay-"

"No, you're not," Ross said.

"You don't care about having fun," Chandler said.

"That's not true," Ross said.

"Unplug that humidifier or I'm throwing it threw at the wall," Chandler said.

Ross nodded and reached down to unplug it. Chandler lay back down on the bed and covered his face with the pillow, Lizzie gently stroked his stomach and placed her head on his chest.

"Look, Chandler...I'm not an evil person. I know we come from two different worlds. Just help me understand yours," Ross said.

"Leave me alone, Ross," Chandler said.

Ross nodded and got up. He quietly walked out of the dorm, slamming the door shut behind him. Chandler winced as Lizzie looked at him.

"Okay, that was a little mean. The guy was trying to be nice and you are scaring me, Chandler. This isn't good. You are drinking so much and then with the vicodin...I don't know. This is scary."

"It's not scary. Look, I grew up around booze and drugs...I can handle myself."

"Be careful. I care about you so much."

Chandler smiled as he looked at her, still in her Wonder Woman costume. He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed back as she gently unbuttoned his shiny purple Prince costume. The kissing continued as they made the most of the time they had alone, continuing to explore each other, love each other. They were getting good at this sex thing and for Chandler, it was of course filling a life long fantasy: Sex with Wonder Woman...

Soon, Thanksgiving Break was around the corner. Things were still rather tense between Chandler and Ross although Chandler's drinking had not let up. Chandler was looking forward to being alone in his house on Thanksgiving. He had not been alone in so long that he just wanted time to himself. Lizzie had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with her family, but he declined. He would watch movies, eat mac and cheese and drink, perhaps smoke pot. He had not had Thanksgiving dinner in nine years and it was a tradition he had planned on continuing until Ross Geller had told him he could spend Thanksgiving with them. At first he had declined, but Lizzie had told him he should go. That it would be good...it wasn't healthy for him to be alone on Thanksgiving. He reluctantly agreed and soon he was driving Sally up to Long Island with Ross in the passenger seat, ready to spend Thanksgiving break with the Gellers.

"So you got this car on your sixteenth birthday?" Ross asked.

"Yep. Bought it myself," Chandler said.

"Wow and her name is Sally Corvette?" Ross asked.

"Sally D. Corvette. The D stands for Dissisa."

"Sally Diss-is-a Corvette. Clever," Ross said.

"Your parents won't mind that I don't eat Thanksgiving food?"

"No...it's fine. Why don't you eat Thanksgiving food?"

"My parents told me they were divorcing on Thanksgiving. I was nine. It was also one of my first times getting hammered."

"Are you serious? You say crap like that but...come on, you got drunk at nine?"

"I'm serious. Ross, I didn't grow up like you. My parents were not involved in my life. The night they divorced, they had a party. I got drunk. I've also tried LSD and pot and...I've been through a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't have bed times," Chandler said, grinning slightly.

"Not even in boarding school."

"Nope."

"Why did you go to boarding school? Why not a regular high school?" Ross asked.

"I don't wanna tell you that."

"Okay...fair enough."

Chandler let out a sigh as he stared out at the road. He shook his head, knowing he was being mean to Ross. Maybe he would let Ross know. They were roommates, after all and Ross was nice enough to invite him to spend Thanksgiving with his family.

"I was beaten up so badly in eighth grade that I went in and out of consciousness on the floor of the boys locker room for eight hours and no one bothered to look for me. Um, this guy Shane grabbed me by the dick, squeezed, threw me to the ground and kicked the living shit out of me. I had to stumble home alone and I did not want to face people like that in high school."

"Oh my G-d."

"Do not tell anyone that."

"I won't. Did you ever press charges?" Ross asked.

"No."

"Wow...I had no idea. I was bullied. Maybe not as badly as you. But I mean, I look like Mr. Kotter."

"At least you're aware of it. Look, Ross...I know we got off on the wrong foot. I'm really not an asshole. I'm sorry. We got the rest of the year left."

"Yeah and I'm sorry too...I'll try to loosen up," Ross said.

"It's fine...although, I'm not kidding about the humidifier. I really throw it through the wall."

"Alright, I'll leave it unplugged," Ross said.

"Good."

Chandler continued driving as the tension seemed to melt away and Chandler and Ross actually began talking. It turned out they had a lot in common. They both loved music and most of the car ride was spent debating bands and talking about maybe hitting up concerts. Ross also liked the Rangers as well and the Knicks and the two decided perhaps a game or two would be in order and they would invite Kip but not Kip's roommate whom they both agreed was a nutcase.

Chandler recognized Rachel as soon as he walked in. There was Monica, Ross' little sister. He thought she looked familiar but it was Rachel who he definitely knew. He wondered what her reaction would be. At first, she looked at him with a hint of recognition but it quickly vanished.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Rachel,."

Chandler raised an eyebrow. No one was paying attention to them. Ross and Monica were talking to their parents about something. Rachel was grinning at him.

"Are you kidding me?" Chandler asked.

"Have we met before? You look familiar."

"Wow...you really are just special," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Rachel grinned.

"So how's your car? Get all the peanut butter off?"

Rachel glared at him, "screw you, loser."

"Right back at you, coyote," Chandler said.

Rachel let out a snort as she turned on her heel and stormed off. He could not wait to tell Lizzie about this run in. He truly hated Rachel, hated her with a passion he had only reserved for people like that Rick guy or Shane.

"G-d, isn't she gorgeous. Look at her," Ross said walking up to Chandler. Chandler looked to where he was looking. Ross was staring longingly at Rachel.

"She's a national treasure."

"I love her so much. Don't you think she's stunning...and oh, that smile and laugh...it's contagious."

"Yep...like herpes," Chandler muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm getting a drink," Chandler said when Ross grabbed his arm.

"Dude, you can't drink alcohol. My parents are far stricter."

"Fine," Chandler walked over to a table with sodas and alcohol on it. He looked around, no one was watching him. So he poured himself a Coke and reached for the bottle of Jack and screwed open the top. He was still looking around him as he poured the Jack into his cup.

"What are you doing?"

Chandler jumped when he turned to look at Monica standing before him with a big grin on her face. He screwed the top back on the bottle and took a sip of his drink.

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Are you drinking?" Monica asked.

"It's not a big deal. I-I have a condition. Don't tell your parents."

"You're not twenty one. Wow...you're like a bad boy."

"Sure," Chandler said.

"Maybe later I'll give you a spanking," Monica said.

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked. Monica's face turned bright red.

"Nothing. So...you don't eat Thanksgiving food? Do you want me to make you something? 'Cause I will. I'll make you macaroni and cheese. It's really good. Do you like macaroni and cheese, Chandler?"

"I do."

"Cool. I'm a senior in high school. I go to Lincoln High. Where did you go to high school?" Monica asked.

"A boarding school."

"That's really cool."

Chandler nodded as Monica stood eagerly next to him. She was a heavy set girl with long brown hair and a smile that never seemed to leave her face. He wasn't paying much attention to her as she talked. He watched as Rachel was staring at herself in her compact mirror and Ross was trying to talk to her.

"Chandler, you wanna come into the kitchen and-and you can tell me what cheeses you like," Monica said.

"Surprise me," Chandler said.

"So, do you like college?" Monica asked.

"Yes."

"I can't wait to go to college. It'll be fun."

Chandler looked at Monica again, she looked so innocent, so naive and sweet and it dawned on him, staring at her. She was the girl from that game. The one that Nancy girl had been so mean too. He felt guilty in her presence although she apparently had no recollection of him. She kept talking and talking though and soon, Rachel approached them.

"Mon, I have to talk to you. It's so important," Rachel said.

"Hey, Monica...do you know how to make peanut butter cookies. Those would be amazing," Chandler said, glaring at Rachel.

"Oh, I know how but Rachel hates peanut butter," Monica said.

"Really. Why, Rachel? Why?" Chandler asked.

"I just do," Rachel said.

"When we were juniors, someone put peanut butter all over her car. It was so funny," Monica said.

"Monica, it was not funny," Rachel said, before glaring at Chandler, "it was obviously the work of a severely sick and disturbed individual."

"Must have been."

"Do you two know each other?" Monica asked.

"No, we've never met. I just can smell a loser from a mile away."

"Are you sure that's not your perfume?" Chandler asked.

"Go to hell," Rachel said.

"You first," Chandler said, taking a drink.

"Monica, come on...I need to talk to you," Rachel said, grabbing Monica's arm and pulling her off. Monica looked back and gave Chandler a somewhat sympathetic look. Chandler wondered how a girl like Monica could possibly be friends with Rachel.

Dinner was interesting to say the least. Chandler ate macaroni and cheese and Rachel kept shooting him death glares all evening. Monica kept trying to talk to Chandler, asking him question after question and Ross just kept looking longingly at Rachel. It was a strange dinner and Chandler desperately wanted to leave, he wanted to go home, watch movies, be alone but Ross had other ideas and after dinner, he explained them to Chandler.

"No, dude...come on...we can go out. There are parties going on somewhere...let's go," Chandler said.

"Tonight might be the night...with Rachel. Just stay here and then we'll drive back and hit up a party."

"C'mon...I don't wanna be here with your fat sister all evening," Chandler said.

"That's not cool man," Ross said.

Chandler let out a sigh. He usually never said stuff like that and he realized it was mean, but he wanted to go. He was desperate to get out of there. He felt like he did not belong there. He belonged in his house, watching movies.

"Alright...I'm going somewhere. You coming?" Chandler asked.

"No, I wanna stay here with my family on Thanksgiving."

"Fine. I'll leave. I'll pick you up on the last day of break."

"I'll take a train back," Ross said.

"Great."

Chandler just needed to leave. Remaining there was getting to him. He could not deal with family togetherness. He said goodbye to Ross' parents, Ross and tried to say goodbye to Monica but she suddenly seemed very angry at him for some reason. He left and walked out to his car, got in and began to drive off. He wasn't sure why he was so angry. The Gellers seemed like a perfectly lovely family, but they weren't his. His family didn't celebrate. He was left alone. He drove to his house in Scarsdale, went down to the club where he was shocked to see his mother there having a crazy party.

"I thought you were out of town for Thanksgiving?" Chandler asked.

"I came back early. Where were you?" Nora asked.

"No where."

"You need a drink?" Nora asked.

"Yeah."

Chandler walked to the bar and poured himself a large drink. His mom was dancing with her friends, gyrating against random men as the club was filled with foam. This was his life. He knew it was. The little family dinner with the Gellers, that wasn't his world and he would never fit in there. There was part of him that wondered why his mother had never told him she was in town, but he knew better than to let it affect him anymore. He couldn't let any of it affect him. People like Ross or Monica or Lizzie or even that Rachel girl would never get it. He was meant to be alone. That was how it had always been and that's how it would always be.


	13. Chapter 13

**Once again, I hope you guys review. It would mean a lot...I know Monica and Chandler aren't together here, but they will get together. Also, I do like Rachel...I just think the high school version of her would be a lot meaner than the adult version. Although, I have to ask-are people not reviewing or reading because Monica and Chandler are not together yet? They will get together. I also really wanted to have two have some moments before she lost the weight-because it does seem like Chandler only started liking her after she lost weight and that's not really the best message to send-as much as I love them both.**

**December 1987**

Ross didn't say anything about Thanksgiving when he returned, but he tried harder to be Chandler's friend, even suggesting they form a band. Chandler at first thought that was a strange request. He had never been asked to be in a band before. He liked singing and loved music, but a band? But Ross told him he played the keyboards and Chandler was impressed that Ross could play songs by George Michael and Prince so he was on board and Kip wanted to join and he would play the drums. Lizzie would be their lone girl and play the guitar and they would call themselves, 'Way, No Way'. Chandler kinda liked that he was being included in something like that and he was actually starting to like Ross as was Kip. Ross started loosening up and said nothing more about Chandler's drinking, just told Chandler he'd take care of him when he drank too much. Ross just had feeling Chandler needed a friend, needed to be shown he had a friend who would stick with him and Ross really felt the need to be that friend.

It was a few weeks before Winter Break when Rachel and Monica had come to NYU to visit Ross and attend the first big college party they had ever attended. Monica seemed angry to see Chandler, that cheerful demeanor she had once displayed towards him was now replaced by this underlying hostility but Chandler didn't pay much attention. He kept waiting for Lizzie. He decided he had had enough waiting and had walked into his dorm to call her. When he finally reached her, he was shocked to hear she was not coming after all.

"I have finals all week next week," Lizzie said.

"So do I. Come on, take a study break."

"I..can't...I have so much studying and we have that gig at the Asian Student Union before break and...and well...actually...Chandler..." Lizzie let out a sigh, "I don't wanna go."

"Why not?"

"Because I know what will happen. I'll go, you'll drink until you pass out and I'll take care of you."

"I'm not drunk now...well, just a little," Chandler said.

"Every single party I've been to with you, you drink so much and it's so scary and maybe I'm being a bitch right now but I have finals and I can't keep dropping everything to take care of you. If this relationship is going to work, you have to be more understanding and caring of me sometimes."

"I don't drink that much, Liz. I'm fine and you're not always taking care of me, that's bullshit."

"Fine, I'll see tomorrow Chandler," Lizzie said as she hung up on him. Chandler let out an annoyed snort. He collapsed onto the bed and reached towards his desk and pulled the bottle of vicodin out of his drawer and opened it, pouring ten pills into his hand and swallowing down with beer. No one got it. No really understood him. He got that. No one could understand the world he lived in. He remained seated on his bed, not wanting to move when the door opened and shut. He looked up to see Rachel there, stumbling towards him.

"What are you doing, loser?"

"Leave me alone, Rachel," Chandler said.

Rachel continued to stumble towards him and sat next to him. She was the last person he wanted to see. He'd rather continue hanging with Ross' weird younger sister.

"You're a loser, you wanna know why? You don't wanna be happy. You wanna be miserable."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yep. Never been drunk before. It's kinda cool. I do know you by the way."

"I know."

"You're an asshole," Rachel said.

"I'm really not."

"Yeah, you are. You left the Gellers early-"

"They're not my family."

"You will never be happy. It's sad. The Gellers are always happy," Rachel said.

Chandler stared at her. She was pretty. He hated her but she was pretty. He could see why Ross found her attractive. Rachel became quiet and looked at him. He knew he shouldn't, but something was happening. The alcohol clouding both of their judgments as they leaned in and soon their lips met. It was a short kiss, It had only lasted a few short seconds before suddenly he could feel Rachel pass out on him.

"Are you dead?" Chandler asked. Rachel was asleep on him. He got up and let her crash onto his pilow. He lifted her feet onto his bed and covered her with a blanket. As he made sure she was comfortable, he got a weird feeling. He felt guilty. He had cheated on Lizzie and he had kissed a girl who knew his roommate was obsessed with. He felt like a jerk and decided it would be a secret he would always keep to himself and he would hope Rachel would do the same. He got up to walk out of the room when Monica appeared on the other side.

"Hi, bunch munch," Monica said.

"Are you mad for me something?"

"No. I've lost three pounds and you're a jerk. You're mean. You say mean things and you...you left our house during Thanksgiving and you never said thank you."

"I'm sorry, thank you."

"And you think you're so cool and above everyone because do things like drinking and stuff...but you're not cool. Rachel thinks you're a loser," Monica said.

"I know. Look, I do appreciate it. I just...I've lead a different kind of life."

"So?"

"So...I have?"

"So what? Everyone leads different lives. What makes yours better? Or worse."

"Monica...leave me alone," Chandler said, starting to walk off.

"You walk away a lot, don't you?" Monica asked.

Chandler stopped,. He didn't turn to face Monica who he knew was still standing by the door to his and Ross' room.

"You walk away. When things get too rough, you decide to leave or drink or whatever. It's easier to cover up your feelings with food or booze...it's hard to have to deal with it. Right? You don't wanna deal with it so you cover it all up and walk away? One day, you'll have to deal with it," Monica said.

Chandler shook his head and walked off, towards the table with booze. He was going to get hammered. That was his plan. Ross walked over to her.

"I think I'm over Rachel," Ross said.

"Really?"

"Look at that girl over there? Her name is Carol, she's in my anthropology class."

"She's pretty," Chandler said looking at the girl Ross was pointing at. She was tall with long, curly white blonde hair.

"Yeah. I'm gonna talk to her. She apparently digs the 'stache," Ross said, pointing to his mustache.

"Well, I know it drives me crazy," Chandler said, drinking a little more.

"Go easy on the booze, please."

"Leave me alone, Ross," Chandler said.

"You know, I'm not going to do that and you know...next year, you're staying at my place for the entire Thanksgiving break," Ross said as he walked off towards Carol. Chandler watched as Ross and Carol began talking. They seemed to be getting along well. He took another drink when he felt someone touch his arm. He looked over and saw Lizzie standing next to him.

"I thought you had finals to study for?" Chandler asked.

"I do. But I know you...you will drink too much and it would kill me if something happened to you. Chandler, you deserve to be happy. You've dealt with so much crap-"

"I'm gonna be in that house alone for four weeks. All of winter break...I'm gonna be by myself. I just...the people that partied at my house over the summer. Were they my friends?"

"No. I mean, Tyler, Matty, Paul, Mike and Dave are your friends...you may not talk to them as much anymore. But they're your friend...and I'm your friend."

Chandler nodded as he put his arm around Lizzie and continued drinking. He led her towards a couch as the two sat. Chandler knew he was different. College was so different than high school. He began to think about his friends from high school. He rarely spoke with them. He did talk to Tyler from time to time and Matty and Dave. But it wasn't the same. He realized as well that it didn't matter that they were close during the school year, during the holidays, he was still alone. He wondered if there would ever be a time when he wouldn't be. When he would have friends who would be with him all the time, although that thought scared him. At least with friends like Tyler or even Ross, they could never get too close because they only saw him for limited periods of time.

The next morning, Chandler woke up in Lizzie's arms. They had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room. Chandler looked around and noticed that Carol and Ross were sitting on one of the couches together, chatting and eating slices of pizza..

"Oh, look who's up," Carol said, pointing to Chandler.

"Good afternoon, sunshine," Ross grinned.

"What time is it?" Chandler asked.

"One thirty," Ross said.

"Oh...ow, I'll be right back," Chandler said as he slowly got up and noticed Lizzie, asleep. He gently shook her awake.

"Hey," Lizzie said.

"It's one thirty," Chandler said.

"Seriously?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh, crap," Lizzie said, getting up. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Hungover, but fine," Chandler said.

"He's always hungover. It's how he goes through life," Ross said.

"Go away," Chandler said.

"Hey, Carol," Lizzie said.

"Hey, Liz," Carol said.

"How do you two know each other?" Ross asked.

"Carol is friends with my roommate, Susan," Lizzie said. "Alright, I really have to go, Chandler. I have finals to study for and I will see you at six when we rehearse for our gig at the Asian Student Union," Lizzie said.

"That's gonna rock," Chandler smiled.

"I wanna go. I wanna be your groupie," Carol said.

"We need those," Ross said, smiling.

"Alright, I have to. I will see you tonight," Lizzie said.

"Yes, you will," Chandler said as they shared a kiss and got up as Lizzie walked out of the common room.

"She's very sweet," Carol said.

"She is. She's fantastic and she plays bass really well. I'm gonna marry her one day," Chandler said.

"Hey...we're ready to go," Monica said walking into the common room with Rachel by her side. Rachel and Chandler exchanged a look, but did not say a word as the memory of what happened the night before flooded his mind and his head hurt worse.

"Oh, okay...alright...I guess I'll walk with you to the train," Ross said.

"No, wait...I can take you back in Sally," Chandler said.

"You would drive 'em back? It's a far drive," Ross said.

"It's fine...I don't mind. It'll give you two a chance to chat," Chandler said. "And besides I owe you for Thanksgiving."

"Alright, thanks man," Ross said.

"Let me get ready," Chandler said walking into his room to get ready for the long drive to Long Island. When he was ready, the three walked towards Sally D. Corvette. Chandler quickly glanced at Rachel and Monica to gauge their reactions. Rachel was impressed, Monica not so much. Monica got into the passenger seat as Rachel got in back. Chandler turned on the radio as he began the drive to Long Island.

"Thanks for taking us," Monica said.

"No problem. Although, you don't seem impressed with my car."

"Why would I be?" Monica asked.

"Your friend is."

"She's shallow," Monica said.

"Hey," Rachel said.

"I like this car," Chandler said.

"Good. It's not practical though. Like if you ever have kids, you can't have a car like this."

"I'm never having kids," Chandler said.

"You're not?"

"No. I can't see bringing children into this world."

"Well, that's sad. I want kids. I want a family. That's the greatest thing...to have a husband and kids. You'll never be lonely. You'll always have a friend there."

Chandler smiled sadly as he looked over at Monica. She was pretty, definitely. She had the qualities that always drove him nuts. The pale skin, the crystal blue eyes and the long dark hair...the qualities that had long been determined to be his type. He had to admire the innocence of Monica. He wished he could still have that quality that everything was good and perfect. He couldn't remember a time he had ever had that quality.

"Chandler?" Monica asked.

"What?"

"Are you happy?"

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Are you happy?"

"Sure. Are you?"

"Well, I wish I was thinner. I wish people didn't call me Monicow. But...yeah. I mean...I'm happy. I know what I want to do in my life. I'm gonna go to culinary school, then own my restaurant and then get married, have kids. My life is going to go according to my plan."

"Well, good luck."

The car ride was a relatively quiet one as Chandler sped down the highway. It took him about an hour and soon he arrived at the Geller home. Monica got out of the car and smiled at him as she thanked him. As she smiled, Chandler felt a sudden jolt. It was strange. He hadn't noticed but Monica had a pretty smile. It was just so purely sweet. As Monica walked into the house, Rachel moved forward to the front seat and instructed him how to get to her house. Chandler pulled away from the curb and continued driving.

"So are you going to pretend you no longer know me if I see you again?" Chandler asked.

"No...I'll talk to you. You're still a jackass for putting peanut butter all over my car...although, what you did to Nancy's car was funny."

"Wait...why is it funny what I did to Nancy's car, but not your car?"

"Because it was my car. Why were you guys even at Lincoln High?" Rachel asked.

Chandler opened his mouth and quickly shut it. He couldn't tell her. He just couldn't.

"My buddy, Tyler is Nancy's cousin," Chandler said.

"Oh."

"By the way, that Nancy is a bully. She was really mean to Monica."

"Well, your friend Tyler was an ass too. He came up to me an asked if I had a penis. Who does that?"

"Well, do you?"

"No...is it that why you were at my school?"

"No," Chandler said.

"Oh, G-d...you really are a loser," Rachel said.

"You have horrible taste in friends," Chandler said.

"Well, you're not my friend so obviously it can't be that bad and you don't get it. I'm not friends with Nancy because I like her."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I'm friends with Nancy 'cause I hate her and you have to keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Rachel said.

"Oh...okay, I guess. So what do you consider Monica?"

"My best friend. The only kind of friend that matters...do you have any best friends?"

"No...well, Lizzie I guess and I had friends in high school...but I don't know if I have any best friends. But I do have to ask you something...that kiss we had last night? We cannot tell anyone because I have a girlfriend and I actually am starting to like Ross."

"Why would Ross care if we kissed?"

"He would," Chandler said, not wanting to get into it, "but really, I don't wanna hurt Liz."

"I won't tell."

"Good."

He soon arrived at Rachel's house. She got out of the car and ran up her driveway towards her front door. He watched as she ran into her home before driving off, back towards the city. As he was driving, Monica began to enter his mind. It was strange, but he actually missed her. He had no clue why he missed her, but he did. But he quickly tried to get her out of his mind, she would never like a guy like him. He knew that. She deserved better.


	14. Chapter 14

_**First, thank you for those who have reviewed. I am done with the Phoebe story and am going to concentrate on this one. I just want people to review! Believe me, I'm busy as well...but it would be nice to get more than one or two a day. Second, I know this story is a little dark but honestly, I would think both Chandler and Phoebe had the darkest childhoods. I'm still going to keep Chandler's humor intact so I do hope there are some laughs and I also never really saw him as unpopular or as awkward as the show wanted us to believe. So I did give him a girlfriend and yes to those who read the Phoebe story, you know what will happen with her. He will end up with Monica! But yeah...as for the darkness, I always saw him as having this really kinda dark life growing up with parents like his and being exposed to all this stuff.**_

**Spring Break 1988**

He could not believe he was actually now nineteen. It was his last year of being a teenager and he was beyond thrilled about that and now he was sitting happily, sipping a margarita on the beach in Cabo with Lizzie laying next to him. There had been some argument as to where to head for Spring Break, most East Coasters head to Florida, but Chandler and his group decided on Cabo. Not only had Lizzie gone and Kip, Carol and Ross had decided to come as well. Chandler was stunned by this. He hadn't even asked Ross about Spring Break and Cabo, thinking Ross wouldn't be interested but when Ross overheard Chandler talking to Kip about it, he asked it he could come. So now there they were, laying out in the sun watching the waves crash on the beach, enjoying a break from being college freshmen.

"Dude...are you planning on actually walking on the surface of the sun?" Chandler asked as he took off his headphones and looked up from the biography he was reading about Buster Keaton. He had been distracted by Ross who was apparently slathering a thick layer of sunscreen on himself.

"I burn easily," Ross said.

"What's the SPF is that?" Chandler asked, picking up the tube of sunscreen from Ross' chair and looked at it. "Hmmm, I didn't even know they made SPF 1000."

"Yeah, I had to specially order that," Ross said.

"You make me sad," Chandler said.

"And when I'm still pasty and white while you're all red and burnt, I'll sit back and laugh," Ross said.

"That'll show me," Chandler grinned.

"So Ross...your sister is graduating high school? Is she going to NYU?" Lizzie asked.

"No, she's going to culinary school. Rachel's not going to NYU either," Ross said, sounding sad.

"You have a girlfriend," Chandler said.

"Yeah...but...Rachel. She's beautiful. Perfect. I had a dream I married her," Ross said.

"Huh, fat chance of that happening. The day you marry Rachel, I'll marry your sister," Chandler said.

"What?" Ross asked.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"It was a joke...like he's not going to marry Rachel and I'm not going to marry his sister because I will marry you, Liz...it was a joke," Chandler said, looking at Lizzie.

"And not one of your better ones," Ross muttered to which Chandler let out a snort. Lizzie gently patted him on the stomach and leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek. Chandler was going to argue when Kip ran over to them.

"Alright, alright...I got my roommate for next year," Kip said.

"That's what you're looking for on Spring Break?" Chandler asked.

"No, but okay...you know Gandolf? Well, okay...he just got us all hook ups to this bikini Hawaiian Tropic contest going on. Booze and hot chicks in bikinis," Kip said.

"Well, that's my idea of a perfect weekend," Lizzie mused.

"That sounds amazing. But do you girls wanna go?" Chandler asked, looking over at Lizzie.

"Carol wants to go. She was super excited about it," Kip said.

"Really?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. Liz, you gotta come," Kip said.

"Alright, fine...I'll come. On one condition, Chandler, the minute you get a hard on, we're leaving and having sex," Lizzie said.

"That's perfectly okay with me," Chandler grinned.

"I'll let Gandolf know," Kip said, running off, leaving Ross, Chandler and Lizzie to ponder about this bikini contest.

"Carol's odd," Lizzie said.

"Why do you say that?" Ross asked.

"I think she's lesbian, Ross," Lizzie said.

"No she's not...she's just curious about the female form," Ross said.

"Yeah...it's just...you're probably right," Lizzie said.

"I am...wait, Chandler...Kip's not gonna gonna be your roommate next year?"

"No...you are."

"Really?"

"Yeah...why does that shock you?" Chandler asked.

"Well, after you took a bat to my humidifier last week, I thought that would be the end of it," Ross said.

"You took a bat to his humidifier?" Lizzie asked.

"Yep...and if you bring another one next year, I'll be bringing a bigger bat," Chandler said.

"Duly noted," Ross said, smiling a little.

"You really are shocked about that...about me wanting to be your roommate?" Chandler asked.

"Well, no...I thought you hated me," Ross said.

"I did...but after Thanksgiving, you've sort of started to grow on me," Chandler said as he put his head phones on and continued to read.

It was hard for him to wrap his mind around the fact that he would soon be ending his freshman year and even harder to accept that he was now friends with Ross. Things had completely changed since September when he was about ready to kill Ross in his sleep. Chandler thought he was actually a good guy and appreciated what Ross was doing for him. With Ross, he felt like there was someone else looking out for him, something he had only experienced with Lizzie. He had barely spoken with his parents, ever since he had gotten to college and he would probably be spending the summer back in that house, alone...or partying amongst his mom's crowd, but for time being, he loved the freedom that came with college.

Gandalf was named as such because he was a Party Wizard, capital P, capital W. Chandler had met him in one of his film classes and the two struck up an instant friendship. They both loved old movies and would spend hours arguing about various films and actors. He was also just as big of a partier as Chandler, the two often would go out with Kip and Ross, Ross of course being the designated driver, and get wasted. It was their favorite past time and spring break seemed to be the perfect opportunity to let all hell break loose. Gandalf came from an extremely wealthy family, just as Chandler, but unlike Chandler, Gandalf had a yacht which he had stocked with booze and food. He had taken the yacht and sailed down to Cabo and they all decided after the bikini contest, would sail back up towards New York or somewhere close. So the next day, the group which ended up being about twenty people, including some of the runners up from the bikini competition set sail.

"Alright, we got shots...let's go," Gandalf said as he walked over to where Carol, Ross, Kip, Chandler and Lizzie were sitting with a giant tray of shots. Everyone but Ross grabbed a shot.

"Ross, what's wrong with you?" Gandalf asked.

"I'm not twenty one. It's illegal for me to drink. It's illegal for any of us to drink. We can get in a lot of trouble," Ross said.

"Are you for real?" Gandalf asked.

"I'm telling you, he's a fruit cake," Kip said.

"I am not...I'm Jewish," Ross said.

"What?" Kip asked.

"I...I don't like fruit cake...I'm Jewish..." Ross looked at Chandler who just let out a snort and patted him on the back.

"He was making a joke. Fruit cakes...not typically a Jewish food. He's Jewish, not a fruit cake. Don't you get intellectual humor? G-d, for a wizard, you sure are stupid," Chandler said.

"Hey, now. Drink up, funny boy," Gandalf said.

Chandler grinned as he looked over at Ross who simply mouthed, "thank you" to him. Chandler smiled and nodded.

"Alright...Ross...let's do this. Mom and dad aren't here. We're not driving. It's easy, just chug it back," Chandler said.

"Fine, I will...fine. I'm breaking the law," Ross said.

Chandler laughed as the group downed their shots. Chandler looked over at Ross as he started hacking. Gandalf and Kip immediately left to go get more shots and were soon joined by several very attractive girls who had been in the competition earlier that day, which left Carol, Ross, Chandler and Lizzie sitting on the couch.

"You alright there, Sparky?" Chandler asked.

"I'm fine," Ross said.

"He's not much of a drinker," Carol said.

"That's good. Neither am I. I hate that Chandler is," Lizzie said.

"I drink 'cause it's fun. Some kids grow up around toys and games...I grew up around booze and drugs," Chandler said.

"That's sad," Ross said.

"It was it is," Chandler said.

Gandalf and Kip walked back to the table carrying more shots which they immediately passed around.

"More...more and Bing, we got beer pong set up on deck. You on?" Gandolf asked.

"Oh, you better believe it," Chandler grinned as he took another shot. He and Lizzie slid out and headed out to where there was a ping pong table set up and Chandler began to play. He was good at it, terrifically good at it. Those years of playing tennis had improved his skills as he beat everyone. He beat Gandalf, Ross, Lizzie, Kip, Carol, everyone. He was loving college. He felt like this was his identity, where he could be away from everyone from his past.

They eventually docked somewhere near Nova Scotia. It had been a week of non stop partying on a boat and when they docked outside Nova Scotia. They had stayed up all night and slept most of the day. Chandler though was used to living this kind of a hard life. He would drink and then the next day take some Vicodin or Oxy Cotin to rid himself of the hang over. Sure, Lizzie or Ross would say something about the pills, but he always shushed them. His mother had recently eloped to some guy named, Jack. All he knew about Jack was he was a doctor and he would give Chandler as many pills as he needed. Jack had been the one to tell him about taking Vicodin and Oxy Cotin for hangovers and he figured if a doctor said it was okay, then that was fine. He wasn't taking LSD, he was taking prescription pills.

The last night, the party was especially wild. Chandler woke up on the top deck of the yacht with Lizzie in his arms. He turned around and saw bodies sprawled everywhere. He looked for Ross, knowing his friend was new to this party stuff. He couldn't find him so he slowly got up, moving Lizzie as gently as he could. She groaned as he gave her kiss. He got up and reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of Vicodin. He began to make his way down to the bottom of the boat. As he walked, he grabbed a glass of water from a counter and swallowed the pills. He was up to fifteen a day now, but he had to. He was drinking more, he reasoned and the hang overs were hurting more. When he reached Ross, he noticed him sleeping on the deck near a railing and noticed something by him. Chandler squinted and grinned when saw what it was. It was tiny baby seal that had somehow jumped up and had taken a fondness to Ross' hair, licking him. Ross kept shaking his head but not waking up. Chandler walked towards the seal and shooed it. It seemed scared by Chandler and immediately jumped back into the sea. Ross groaned as Chandler sat by him.

"Got a new girlfriend?" Chandler asked.

"What? I felt something licking me...what was that?" Ross asked as they sat side by side.

"A dog," Chandler.

"What?"

"A seal."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I can't do this, Chandler. I can't party like you. I mean, this whole week...I don't know how you do it, man."

"You want Vicodin?"

"No."

"It cures hangovers."

"I don't care. So...what are you doing this summer?"

"Be home. Relax. My mom will probably have parties."

"Doesn't this get old?" Ross asked.

"No...it's more fun to do this. To live like this...when you drink, you don't have to deal. Ross, what was the worse thing that's ever happened to you?"

Ross looked at him. Chandler couldn't believe what he was about to confide in Ross. He had never told anyone except Lizzie but he wanted to confide in someone.

"I was mugged when I was fourteen. Some like six foot tall...thug. Scary dude. He had a machete. He was burly too."

"Hmmmm...I had one of my mom's boyfriends feel me up once. Every time he'd spank me, he'd get a hard on. Then one day he actually decided to well...assault me. I never told anyone...except Liz. Where I grew up, Ross...it was different from where you grew up."

"We all have crap, you know."

"I know."

"I'm sorry you've gone through all that shit. That's...you never told your mom?"

"I think she knew...somehow. I grew up in a house where I wasn't really allowed to be a kid. I never got that opportunity. The first kids party I ever went. I was like nine, ten years old and my nanny took me to a New Years party. I was so nervous and there was this really nice girl there. I never got to have a kids birthday party. I mean...I grew up really fast...I was really lonely a lot of the time. I had no friends. Not 'till I went to boarding school," Chandler said.

I didn't have a lot of friends growing up either," Ross said.

"Not even Rachel?" Chandler asked, grinning. Ross let out a snort.

"You hate her, don't you?"

"She's a horrible human being. I knew her at camp and she was evil and...can I tell you a secret?"

"What?" Ross asked.

"I uh...saw her once at a game...at Lincoln High...my buddies and I went to see her and um...well, then she was such a bitch that I covered her car with peanut butter."

"Oh, my G-d...that was you?"

"Yep."

"I'm the guy who told you what car it was," Ross said.

"What?"

"I remember that game and I always felt so bad because I remembered this guy coming up to Monica and I and asking where Rachel's car was."

"Thanks for letting me know," Chandler said.

"Unbelievable...hey, what does coyote mean?" Ross asked.

"In camp, I told Rachel that she reminded me of Wylie Coyote. The best part of the cartoon is when the coyote runs off a cliff and I was waiting for her to run off a cliff."

"Oh...she was really upset about that. She was crying and everything...I tried to comfort her but she called me an idiot. Why were you there anyway?"

"We heard a rumor she was a hermaphrodite."

Ross looked at Chandler. He shook his head and let out a laugh.

"Oh my G-d...I can't believe the rumor was that widespread."

"What?"

"My buddy Will and I made that up."

"She's not a hermaphrodite?"

"No."

"Hmmmm, no wonder she punched my buddy Tyler in the face," Chandler mused. "Hope you're not mad, though."

"No...just go easy on those pills, alright? And the booze," Ross said. Chandler let out an annoyed sigh.

"Dude, why do you care that much? I mean...I've been a big jerk to you. I destroyed your humidifier."

"I know...I don't know. I feel for you. You seem like the kinda guy who just needs someone to give him a break."

"Thanks," Chandler said, "so how are things with Carol?"

"Good...I think next year, I'm gonna change the rules about having girls sleep in our room. I think Lizzie and Carol would liven up the space."

"I agree...thanks for putting up with me, by the way."

"Same here."

Chandler smiled as the two guys sat side by side waiting for the others to get up. Soon, they were joined by Carol and Lizzie and the two couples headed off the boat in search of breakfast. For Chandler, this was good. He had everything he needed at the moment and for the first time in a long time, he felt happy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanksgiving 1988-New Years Eve 1988**

It had been awhile since he had last seen Rachel and Monica. There had been that party right before winter break the previous year but there had been no run in with them since, but now Chandler and Ross were sophomores in college and once again heading to Ross' for Thanksgiving. He was a little nervous this time as he drove Sally towards the Geller residence as the last time he had seen Rachel, he had kissed her and he wondered if she would still pretend not to know who he was.

"Please don't drink at my parents house," Ross said, sitting in the passengers seat as Chandler drove.

"Dude...if I drink, you drive Sally. I know you love driving her," Chandler remarked. He had come to that conclusion recently that the reason Ross was now always ready to be Chandler's designated driver was then he'd be able to drive Sally. Ross grinned.

"That's not why I hang out with you...or think you shouldn't drink."

"She's a fun car to drive, though," Chandler said.

"I'll give you that...G-d, I wonder what Rachel is like now."

"You have a girlfriend," Chandler said.

"I know...you think Rachel will want me more," Ross said.

"Maybe. I really think you can do better than Coyote."

"You know, the coyote never dies. In the cartoon...Wylie Coyote never dies," Ross said.

"I don't want Rachel to die...just run off a cliff."

"Maybe one day you'll like her...and be friends with her," Ross said.

"I can't be friends with a girl like that."

Ross smiled as he turned up the radio, the sounds of George Michael soon filling the car as Chandler sped down the highway. Sophomore year was kicking off quite nicely. Chandler was still roommates with Ross and they shared a suite with Gandalf and Kip. Gandalf and Chandler were almost like the designated leaders of the group and Ross was the designated driver, bringing the boys back safely after long nights of partying. Carol and Lizzie often stayed in the boys room, Lizzie often sharing a bed with Chandler and Carol sharing a bed with Ross. Chandler was still drinking pretty heavily despite constant complaints from Lizzie to tell him to stop. He always found those pleas annoying as he did not feel he had any sort of problem. Sure, he drank a lot but he was in college and college kids drank too much.

As he pulled up to the curb in front of the Geller home, a smile appeared on his face as he noticed Rachel's car in front of his. Rachel was parked very close to the car in front her so Chandler moved up, getting as close as he could to the back of Rachel's car without hitting her bumper. Ross gave him a look as the two got out of the car.

"You think you're close enough to Rachel's car? She's completely blocked in now," Ross said.

"I just wanted to make sure I wasn't blocking your driveway," Chandler said.

"Let's go," Ross said, rolling his eyes. Chandler followed Ross up the driveway towards the Geller home. Ross knocked and within seconds Rachel opened the door. She let out a snort as she looked at Chandler and Ross.

"Hi, precious," Chandler said.

"Fuck you," Rachel said as she turned on her heel and walked off. Ross and Chandler exchanged a look as they walked into the house.

"Whoa," Ross said.

"Well, she remembers me," Chandler laughed.

"Ross, Chandler...hey," Monica said as she walked towards them. Chandler's mouth dropped as he looked at Monica. She looked very different, thinner. Ross walked over to Monica and hugged. Monica walked over to Chandler and looked at him. He gave her a look as he hugged her. She looked good, stunning really.

"Wow, Monica," Chandler said.

"Yeah, I lost two hundred and fifty pounds, jackass."

"In a year?"Chandler asked.

"Yep."

"You lost two hundred and fifty pounds in a year?" Chandler asked. He had always been good at math, so in his head, he did some quick calculations. That would have meant she would have had to have lost about twenty to twenty one pounds a month which would mean about five pounds a week. That seemed impossible or at the very least, not at all healthy. "You look good...but I mean, I thought you looked good last year too."

"Liar," Monica said, "and don't worry, I'll make your mac and cheese."

Monica walked off and Chandler watched her. Sure, he thought she looked stunning. With the weight gone, her eyes seemed to be even bluer and her smiler even broader but it just seemed strange. Could anyone possibly lose that much without doing something in addition to diet and exercise? Chandler looked over to say something to Ross but he was busy talking to his parents so Chandler headed over to bar to pour himself a drink. He grabbed himself a cup and poured some Coke into a cup. Then he reached over and grabbed the bottle of Jack and filled up the rest of the cup.

"Wow...you sure are an alcoholic, aren't you?" Rachel asked as she approached him.

"Go away, Rachel," Chandler said. He truly was beginning to hate that, despise it really when people would call him an alcoholic. He always wanted to tell those people that if they knew how much his parents drank, they'd consider him a lightweight.

"And how cool are you...stealing booze from your college roommate's parents. You are like the epitome of cool," Rachel said. Chandler took a sip of his drink and stared at Rachel. She had had a very apparent nose job.

"Nice new nose...now I can get a clearer look into your soulless eyes. It must suck to know that you are just completely dead inside," Chandler said, glaring at her and for a split second, he saw a flash of pain in her eyes and he wondered if he had maybe gone too far, but suddenly she stood up a little straighter and glared at him.

"You know, I'd say something...but I kinda believe in karma and the knowledge that you'll probably drink yourself into early grave and die alone before you reach thirty...well, that's enough to help me sleep at nights," Rachel said as she walked off.

Chandler let out a snort as he shook his head and continued to drink, reaching over to pour even more Jack into his cup. He watched as Rachel grabbed Monica's arm and walked her into the kitchen. Something didn't seem right about Monica. She was tinier than Rachel was now, apparently. She seemed even tinier than Lizzie and he always thought Lizzie was pretty tiny. He took a bigger gulp of his drink, deciding maybe he should talk with her. He walked towards the kitchen and just as he opened the door, he noticed Rachel and Monica giggling about something. Rachel then glared at him as she walked towards him.

"Hi, asshole," Rachel said.

"Waiting for you to run off the cliff," Chandler said.

"You're gonna die alone," Rachel said as she walked out of the kitchen.

"Why do you two hate each other so much?" Monica asked.

"She's an idiot."

"She's my best friend. There's a lot you don't know, Chandler. You were the one that covered her car with peanut butter, didn't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Rachel told me and so did Ross. That was actually a really shitty thing to do. You vandalized her car. Kinda mean...but I don't know, you seem to like calling girls mean names."

"What are you talking about?" Chandler asked.

"Nothing."

"How did you lose so much weight in a year?" Chandler asked.

"Diet and exercise. What are you drinking?" Monica asked.

"Coke."

"That's all?"

"Yep. Just a coke."

Chandler could tell Monica could see right through him. She made him uncomfortable. She suddenly grabbed a towel and slid it through her fingers. She was starting to act strange, picking up objects, rubbing them on her body and saying things to him, strange, bizarre things. Chandler was confused and before he knew it, there was a knife and a flash of pain and the cup of Jack and coke fell onto his foot, the booze covering the wound which made it burn. He fell to the ground and he could hear screaming. Something had happened, people were moving him. He needed something. He was in pain, intense pain and soon he was out.

He woke up hours later in a guest room. He felt very disoriented, wondering where the hell he was. His head hurt and suddenly he remembered. Monica had been acting strange and somehow his toe had gotten cut off. He looked towards the nightstand and saw a bottle of pain meds and a glass of water next to his bed. His mouth almost salivated at the sight of the pills as he opened the bottle and poured about twenty five in his hand and swallowed them with the water when he realized he had to pee. He slowly got up, touching his feet to the ground. It hurt putting weight on it. He noticed crutches by the side of his bed and hopped towards them. He grabbed them and began to head out of the guest room, wondering where the hell the bathroom was. He was in the Geller living room, he could tell. He wondered where everyone was? If Rachel was still there? Ross? He was looking around when he heard a noise. It sounded like someone vomiting. He turned and hobbled towards a door, the sound became louder. He opened the door and saw Monica leaning over the toilet, her fingers in her mouth and throwing up into the toilet. His head began pounding more.

"What the hell are you doing?" Chandler asked.

Monica suddenly bolted up, looking stunned to to see him there. She flushed the toilet and stood up, wiping her mouth as she smiled at him.

"Hey...I just wasn't feeling well. How are you? Why are you up? Do you need anything?" Monica asked as she grinned at him. He cocked his head to the side.

"No. I'm just fine. Just need to pee. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll let you pee," Monica said as she ran out. Chandler watched her and turned back to what he had gone in there to do. He kept thinking about Monica and it dawned on him that was how she had lost all that weight. It did concern him but that thought was replaced by thoughts of booze. He was thirsty and felt he could use a drink. When he was finished, he walked out of the bathroom and noticed Monica standing there with a large bottle of Jack.

"It's your drink of choice, right?" Monica asked, giving him this almost pleading look.

"Yeah," Chandler said, looking at her. He wouldn't tell her secret, if that's what she was worried about.

Monica helped him hobble back to the guest room and helped him lay on the bed. Monica noticed the pill bottle on the table and picked it up.

"How many of these did you take already?" Monica asked.

"Not enough to make me vomit," Chandler muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing...never mind...sorry," Chandler said, sliding towards the edge of his bed so Monica could lay next to him. She handed him the bottle of booze as she lay next to him.

"You're a piece of work, aren't you?" Monica asked.

"Hmmm, you have no idea," Chandler said as he took a large swig from the bottle.

"You know what you saw in there...I wasn't doing anything. I just...felt sick."

"Okay."

"I barely know you but...I mean, my friend Rachel hates you and...I mean, I guess Ross likes you but..but...I am sorry about your toe. It was an accident. It really was...but I mean, you took a lot of pills."

"I was in a lot of pain."

"Hmmmm...I am sorry about your toe. I really do feel bad about it," Monica said.

"Ehhh, it's not a big deal."

"How is it not a big deal?"

"It is what is."

"That's a really annoying saying," Monica said. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"You're never gonna be happy, are you?"

"Is that a question?"

"Kinda."

"I'm mourning the loss of my toe," Chandler said.

"Wow. You can be a real jerk, can't you? I mean, you don't really need to be such a dick," Monica said..

Chandler took another gulp from the bottle of Jack Daniels and looked at Monica. He really didn't want her hating him. He barely knew this girl, but he did know that he wanted her to like him.

"Um...you know, you look good Monica. You don't need to lose anymore weight. You look good...so just...don't lose anymore," Chandler tried, knowing that probably came out sounding forced. Monica glared at him.

"You can't say that to me. You don't know me well enough to say stuff like that to me," Monica said.

Chandler nodded as he continued to drink. Monica just looked at him and shook her head. Something about having Monica next to him felt so strangely comforting. He wanted her to remain there next to him forever and when Monica turned to get off the bed, Chandler grabbed her arm.

"Stay with me...I'm not an asshole. I'm really not. I don't...I don't have a lot of people looking out for me in this world. I'm...I really...just stay, please. I don't wanna...I don't want to be alone."

Monica nodded as she stayed where she was. They two continued to lay side by side, not saying much to each other. He felt as Monica reached for the bottle. Chandler let her take it and watched as she brought it to her lips and chugged. She cringed slightly when she was done, but Chandler was slightly impressed by how well she chugged.

"You know what my parents said when I lost weight?" Monica asked.

"Nothing. They said...nothing."

"How is that possible?"

"They like Ross more. They've always liked Ross more and I'm just here...waiting for them to notice me," Monica said.

"I notice you," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Monica said.

They continued drinking, still remaining silent. Chandler was lost in his own clouded thoughts again. He understood Monica, seemed to understand her completely which was odd. As he thought of Monica, he began thinking of Lizzie, thinking of his parents, his life. The losing of a toe just seemed to be another one of those things, another life crapping thing that he just had to deal with.

When Chandler returned from Thanksgiving break, Lizzie was shocked to hear what happened. She immediately went to work taking care of him, making sure he was okay and comfortable. Ross had felt bad as well, but it was Lizzie who would not leave his side. Chandler though seemed to be falling, he could feel himself lose footing, more metaphorically than literally. He was drinking more, taking more pills and when he ran out, he did something he had never done before. His mother had divorced that Jack guy who had been the doctor. He had called Jack's office to get more pills, but Jack refused now that he was no longer Chandler's step dad. Then Chandler went to the doctor that had operated on his toe to get a refill but the doctor declined. Chandler kept begging, pleading and when the doctor briefly stepped out of the room, Chandler noticed his prescription pad. He quickly grabbed it and shoved it in his pocket, then he wrote a prescription for himself and went to the pharmacy. He was shocked at how easy it was. He just wrote a prescription and handed it to the pharmacist guy and got pills and when there was a question, Chandler knew what to do. He pulled out his dad's credit card with the endless funds.

Chandler was spiraling. He knew he was on a bad path, but he couldn't figure out how to stop. He never went to class drunk, but he wasn't doing well in school. His grades were suffering. Ross kept yelling at him to get his act together but still kept driving him everywhere. Lizzie remained loyal, sleeping in his bed every night. They didn't know. They didn't know he was forging prescriptions, didn't know how many pills he was taking a day, how much he was drinking. He started doing most of his drinking in secret.

It was now a few days before Winter Break. He had somehow managed to get to most of his finals. After his last final, he decided not to see anyone. He decided to go back to that house. He walked into the door of his house, walked down to the club. It was empty now. He wasn't sure where his mother was, but he didn't care. He grabbed several bottles of tequila, vodka and Jack and stumbled up to the theater. He hadn't watched movies alone in so long, but Rachel's words had run through his head. He would die alone before he turned thirty and maybe she was right. He took about sixteen Vicodin and began drinking. He kept drinking. He wasn't sure what he was drinking away. The pain of being alone? Maybe he was just some poor little rich kid? He wasn't sure but soon his eyes closed and he faded out. He could see Monica in his head, beautiful and innocent and sweet. He smiled as he thought of her, some movie playing on the screen.

Suddenly, he was woken up by screaming and someone shaking him. He slowly woke up and could see Monica, Ross and Lizzie standing there, Lizzie violently shaking him.

"Chandler, wake up. Chandler..."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Monica asked, sounding very meek.

"Don't speak," Lizzie said.

"What?" Monica said.

"Liz?" Chandler asked.

"No, this is all your fault," Lizzie cried. Chandler tried to speak, but couldn't find the words. Lizzie was in hysterics. "No, Monica...you...why did you cut off his toe? You cut off his toe, they gave him meds and then...why...did you not like him in one piece?"

"Whoa, whoa, Lizzie...this is not Monica's fault," Ross said.

Lizzie sat next to Chandler, not listening to Ross. She gently began stroking his hair and his cheek.

"Please talk to me," Lizzie said, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm okay," Chandler said.

"No, you're not. You're drinking too much. This needs to stop," Lizzie said.

"I'm going to sit in the car," Monica said, quietly. "I'm sorry, Chandler."

"It's not your fault, Monica. Lizzie...it's not Monica's fault," Chandler said.

"Why did you cut off his toe? What could he have possibly done that he needed to lose a limb?" Lizzie asked.

"Nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm gonna...are you gonna...maybe I should make you something to eat. You're hungry, right? I can go find your kitchen," Monica asked, stepping back and walking out of the theater.

"Ross, go with her," Chandler said.

"Dude...what are you doing? You are gonna throw your life away and-"

"Ross, listen to me...go find your sister and watch her," Chandler said, trying to yell but it hurt too much. Ross looked taken aback and walked out of the theater. As soon as Ross left, Chandler turned away from Lizzie and began vomiting. He could feel Lizzie stroking him, comforting him.

"Baby...what happened?"

"Everything."

"You can be so much better than this. You can do so much better."

"Don't blame Monica," Chandler said.

"But she-"

"Don't blame Monica. Please? She has her own issues."

"Like what?"

"She lost like two hundred and fifty pounds in a year."

"How?" Lizzie asked and off Chandler's expression, her eyes widened. "Oh, G-d. I'll apologize. I care about you so much...please stop this."

Chandler felt sick, very sick. He looked at Lizzie, her eyes filled with tears. He loved this girl, loved her so much. He wanted to tell her that, but couldn't get the words out. He could see those three words in his head, but getting them out was impossible. His mind was completely fogged at the moment and he wasn't even sure he had ever even said those words before. He slowly stood up. Lizzie stood up with him and grabbed his hand. He felt wobbly as Lizzie led him out of the theater and towards the kitchen where Monica and Ross were talking. They looked up when they saw him.

"How long are you guys staying?" Chandler asked as he walked in and sat at the table.

"Well, I don't really have anywhere to go. I can call Carol and she can be here. So can Kip and Gandalf. We can stay till New Years," Ross said.

"You'd do that?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah," Ross said.

"Can I stay too?" Monica asked. "I-I had wanted to spend time with Rachel, apparently she is going on a ski trip with some friends of her from college."

Chandler looked at Lizzie and over at Monica who suddenly looked incredibly sad. Lizzie got up and walked towards Monica.

"Of course, Monica. Yeah...it'll be fun to have another girl here and I'm really sorry about what I said," Lizzie said.

"I'm sorry too...and I'm sorry Chandler. I didn't know it would lead to this. Please believe me, it was an accident. I never wanted this to happen and I didn't want you to lose a limb and...I'm so sorry," Monica said, tears streaming down her face. Lizzie hugged her. Chandler looked at the two girls hugging and crying. He felt his heart sink as something in him just clicked. He was getting a little sick of being called an asshole, of making girls he cared about cry...he was just tired, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out three bottles of pills and handed them to Ross.

"Throw these out," Chandler said. "I'm done."

Ross took the bottles, looking at each one. He looked at Chandler and patted him on the back as he grabbed the bottles and walked towards the sink and began dumping bottles of pills down the garbage disposal. Chandler watched the pills fell into the sink. Monica and Lizzie walked towards him and sat on either side of him. He knew he needed to stop. He needed to stop his spiraling. He wanted so much more, so much more of a life than he was living. He wanted happiness. He wanted a life different than how he grew up.

He had never experienced withdrawal before, at least that's what he had thought he was experiencing. He would spend his nights throwing up or trying to sleep. Kip, Carol and Gandalf decided to stay at Chandler's with Monica, Ross and Lizzie. He felt horrible. He tried to lay off the booze, although that was tough. He just decided to cut down on the drinking which he did do and he did give up the pills altogether. That New Years, he sat with Monica, Lizzie, Ross, Gandalf, Kip and Carol in the club of his house. His mom had come back that day for the annual New Years party. She had not said a word to Chandler about his pill use and during the party offered her son a glass of tequila to celebrate the end of the semester.

"Did your mom say anything about the drugs?" Ross asked.

"No," Chandler said.

"This is a strange life you lead...really," Monica said.

"It is," Chandler said.

Chandler didn't drink from his glass as Lizzie linked her arm in his and gave him a kiss. He remained seated watching his mom dance with her friends. Later in the evening, he was even more stunned when his father arrived at the party with one of his dancers. Charles noticed Chandler sitting at the table and merely waved. Chandler could feel his heart drop. His parents were there and danced with their friends amongst the foam and the pounding music. They had called when he had been using their credit card to get drugs, but he hadn't done that in a few weeks and he never really spoke with them, always making an excuse. Then there they both were...and there was nothing, He wanted a reaction. He wanted them to yell at him, hell, even spanking him like they did when he was younger would have been okay. But this was even worse...they were ignoring what happened. He didn't want them to ignore him. He wanted them to see him.

"I need to get out of here," Chandler said as he looked at Lizzie. Soon, they all got out of the booth and followed Chandler as he walked out of the club and up the stairs towards the theater. He loaded several of those old comedies and the rest of the group sat. He walked back into the theater and found a seat between Lizzie and Monica. He sat and placed an arm around Lizzie as the movie began and the group sat silently, watching the images on the screen.


	16. Chapter 16

_Okay, so apparently Lizzie NOT a popular character. I have learned my lesson. Chandler is not allowed with anyone else. My goal was to create a character that y'all liked almost as much just to hold you over. So my sincerest apologies! :) So here's the deal, I've now jumped ahead to 1989, a lot has changed and will change in the Lizzie/Chandler relationship. _

_Minichedder-you are awesome and lovely and you have fantastic taste in clothes!_

_Mia-you were my inspiration to get rid of Lizzie as quickly as possible. I don't want a Mary Sue! So I'm getting rid of her quickly...although, if this chapter does suck, is it okay if people blame you but if it's good, I can take full credit? _

_Monica-I can't tell you that! Although, I will mention, the reason I write G-d like that is because I'm Jewish and when I was in camp, a counselor once told me you had to write G-d like that on things that could get thrown away or deleted. I'm not all that religious now, but for some reason that just stuck. _

_Shyfighter-I understand...I just...I wanted people to like her but I know now having Chandler in a relationship with ANYONE but Monica won't work, although if this follows him until 2004, I do plan on having Janice and Kathy! :)_

_Also...can y'all please continue reviewing...I'll give you complements on your fashion sense. Shyfighter, Minichedder, Mia and Monica-you all look lovely today! :)_

**September 1989-December 1989**

Junior year. It was a new start for the now twenty year old, Chandler Bing. Sophomore year had been difficult. By the end of 1988, he had hit rock bottom. He had been taking too many pills and drinking way too much. He had gotten way too thin and truly hated how he looked, but second semester, he had worked hard. Lizzie had been with him every step of the way, helping him. Ross, Gandalf and Kip had helped as well and by the end of sophomore year, he had felt better than he had in a long time. He felt happy, sure he was still drinking but he was feeling something he hadn't felt in such a long time, just content. Then as sophomore year drew to a close, he decided he needed a vacation, a trip away from New York and when Ross came to him with an idea to go to Israel for the summer, he jumped on board. Ross had been asked by a professor to join him along with about twenty other students to go on a dig in Israel. The rules about who and who could not come on this trip were not all that strict. The students going could also invite friends of theirs, although those friends would need to pay their own way. Chandler, Kip and Gandalf decided to join him. Lizzie and Carol unfortunately could not come.

It had been an incredible three months. Chandler loved being away from New York, he even joined Ross a couple of times to help him dig but that didn't usually last long as Chandler would often be asked to leave for making too many jokes about dead things. He didn't mind that, as it was too hot to dig anyway. He spent his days exploring, his nights clubbing and just enjoying himself. He had never thought he would love being away from New York so much, but out of the city, out of the country, it felt like his problems began to melt away. He felt free and when he arrived back in New York, he felt rejuvenated. The first thing he did when he arrived home was find Lizzie. He had missed her. He had spent the entire summer writing her, finding little gifts to give her when he saw her. He called her as soon as he got back and she agreed to have dinner with him.

He walked into the Fourth Street Italian Bistro, grinning from ear to ear. He could not wait to see Lizzie. He could not wait to tell her everything about his summer. She sat, waiting for him. When he reached her, he hugged her as they kissed and sat across from each other.

"Welcome back."

"Thank you...I missed you," Chandler said, grinning. He felt so excited, nervous. Being away had given him so many ideas. He felt like he had such a clear head now. He had never done what he was about to do, but it just seemed like he should. He had been with Lizzie for a long time now.

"I missed you too...how was it?" Lizzie said.

"It was amazing. Incredible and it felt good to be away. Junior year is gonna be awesome and I have an idea-"

"Chandler, I need to-"

"Wait...wait...okay...this summer I missed you...and it made me realize, I love you so much and I...I...I've never said that to anyone. I don't think I've said that to anyone yet and-"

"Oh, crap."

Chandler stopped and looked at her. He had been so wrapped up in his emotions, so wrapped up in his excitement to see her again that he hadn't noticed the change. It was then that he stopped and noticed. There was a difference, a feeling. She had seemed distant from the moment he walked in. He thought about the summer and he remembered wondering why he kept hearing from her less and less, he had figured it was because the mail was probably pretty slow.

"I met someone," Lizzie said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"When you were away, I took this theater seminar thing and there was a guy and we went out and he's an actor. He's cute. He's from Queens. Very sweet...and...his name is-"

"You met someone? But-"

"Chandler...I do love you. I do and I think you can be so amazing if you wanted to but...it's too difficult to be with you. This guy...it was easier. So much easier and I didn't have to take care of him. He...after what happened last year, it scared me and...and then you continued drinking and I don't know if I can be with an addict. I'm tired of taking care of you all the time and...you can't tell things haven't been different in the last year?"

Chandler opened his mouth and closed it again. He stared at her as he tried to rethink the last year. Maybe he hadn't been seeing things as wonderfully as he had thought. It did occur to him that maybe they had been drifting a little in the last year, especially after hitting rock bottom during Winter Break last year. Lizzie had seemed almost tired and worn out, but he ignored it and when he had told her about the Israel trip, she had mentioned it being a good thing for them to be apart for a few months but he didn't take it to mean anything.

"I have to go," Chandler said, getting up.

"Wait...talk to me. Let's please talk."

"No. I have to go."

"I hate it when you do this. I haven't seen you in three months. I wanna talk to you, I wanna discuss this."

"You've already moved on. There's nothing more to discuss."

Chandler got up, grabbed his plastic bag that contained all the stuff he had gotten for Lizzie during his trip and walked out of the restaurant. He walked out of the restaurant with Lizzie following after.

"Can you please listen to me?" Lizzie asked. "Please. This isn't coming out of nowhere. We're only twenty and I feel like...I'm married. I don't wanna be married...at least not yet. Please listen."

Chandler didn't listen, he kept walking. He kept thinking, kept wondering if he had missed the signs in the past year. Lizzie kept talking, kept saying words, but he just wasn't listening. He finally reached his car which he had parked several blocks away and got in, but did not get in fast enough as Lizzie suddenly got in and sat in the passenger's side.

"Can you talk to me?" Lizzie asked.

"We're done," Chandler said.

"No we're not. We need to talk. We've known each other for nine years. We dated for two of them. We need to-"

"Leave Sally. You're making Sally sad."

"Really?" Lizzie asked. "You can't say that we've had the perfect relationship. I hate how I am with you. With this guy...I didn't have.."

"Leave my car."

"Wow, you're mature," Lizzie said.

"You have no idea. Leave my car."

"I feel like I'm your mother and-and after last winter, that freaked me out. I can't-I love you, I do...I just can't watch this and I hate that...I hate-"

Chandler turned on his car and reached for the radio, turning it on. Soon Pat Benatar's voice filled the car. He turned it as high as he could. Lizzie let out a snort as she glared at him. She said something else but he couldn't hear her over the music. She got out of the car and slammed it shut. He turned down the radio as she walked off to be with whomever that guy was, although he didn't care. He hated that guy. His heart broke a little as she disappeared down the street. He had loved Lizzie, at least he thought he did. He had thought she would be the one. He remembered that first kiss. She had been there for him, taken care of him, done so much for him. He wished he was back in Israel, away from the heartbreak and pain.

He walked into his dorm. It was dark, perfect. He'd watch movies and drink until he passed out. Ross was with Carol for the night and he had no clue where Kip or Gandalf were, they were probably out. He walked towards the fridge in the common area of the suite which he shared with Ross, Gandalf and Kip. It was stocked with booze courtesy of a friend of theirs down the hall that was twenty one. They had been back from Israel for a week and his junior year, the one he had such high hopes for was failing before it even started. He grabbed _Animal House_ from his stack of movies and popped it in, just as he pressed play, there was a knock. Still holding onto his bottle of Jack, he opened his door to see Monica Geller standing there. Her eyes were puffy and red. He hadn't really talked to Monica much since winter break of last year. He had thought about her constantly, that image of her from Thanksgiving never left his head.

"Is Ross here?" Monica asked.

"No...he's with Carol. Are-are you okay?"

"I'm fine. You having a party?" Monica asked, nodding towards the bottle.

"I'm having a rough night."

"So am I."

"You know, I'm just gonna watch a movie now. You wanna watch?"

"Okay," Monica said.

Chandler stepped aside to let Monica in. The two walked towards the couch and sat side by side. Monica reached for a blanket that covered the arm of the couch and covered herself with it. Chandler reached for the remote, but didn't press play.

"Were you crying?" Chandler asked.

"You're observant," Monica said, sarcastically.

"Apparently, no...I'm not. What's wrong? I mean, I know we're not that close...but...you know-"

"Well...actually, you might be interested in this given how much you hate her. You won't be seeing Rachel Green at Thanksgiving this year. She ended our friendship tonight."

"What?"

"We'd been drifting apart since...well, since I cut off your toe and I tried calling her and tried to be her friend even though she kept ignoring my calls and...I kept trying and trying and I even wrote her a letter. This past summer I wrote her a letter and...she finally called me back to tell me that we could no longer be friends and she thought I would take the hint when she didn't return my calls. She said we're going in different paths and I'm not at her level. I lost my best friend...and it really hurts," Monica said, her eyes filling with tears. "She was so willing to be my friend when I was fat but then suddenly...why doesn't she want to be my friend?"

"I don't know," Chandler said, looking at her, concerned.

"We've been best friends since we were six years old and then she just...I miss my best friend. I know you don't care, because you hate her."

"No, I care...I just-I think she's a bitch. She's gonna be one of those people that peaked in high school. She'll end up marrying some doctor and waste her life away eating tea sandwiches."

"And that's...I mean, I liked her...I knew her. I knew the real Rachel Green. She could be so sweet and kind and has this amazing heart...and she's so sensitive. When you covered her car with peanut butter...my G-d, she was hysterical."

"You know, Ross said she reacted that way. What did she do?" Chandler asked.

"She was just in hysterics. It was actually a little over the top. I kept telling her that we could wash it off and she kept saying, 'you don't understand. I don't need this right now'...and it was a little extreme."

Chandler was taken a little aback by that. He hadn't expected her reaction to be like that. After all, when he had filled Rachel's bed with peanut butter, she wasn't hysterical. She played him instead and threw ice at his head. He began to feel a little bad.

"And then the coyote thing really got to her. What did that mean?"

"Um...like Wylie Coyote...the best part of the cartoon is when the coyote runs off a cliff. I was waiting for her to run off a cliff," Chandler said, quietly.

"Oh...that's kinda mean."

"Yeah."

"Why are you upset?" Monica asked.

"Lizzie broke up with me."

"She did?"

"I told her I loved her and she said...oh, crap. Apparently, over the summer...while I missed her, she met someone else."

"Who?"

"Some actor guy who lives in Queens."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"That's alright...maybe the signs were always there, you know," Chandler said.

"She did take care of you a lot."

"She did," Chandler said.

"Did you ever take care of her?" Monica asked.

Chandler opened his mouth and shut it again. He began to really think about that question. Had he ever cared for Lizzie the way she had cared for him. He picked up the bottle of Jack and brought it to his lips.

"Awwww...looks like it was a one sided relationship. Hmmm, I could never do that. Be in a completely one side relationship," Monica said.

"You were in a one sided friendship," Chandler said.

"Touche," Monica said as she took the bottle from Chandler and drank. "I miss her though and I know you probably think I'm crazy. I liked Rachel. But...I guess it's true what they say, high school friendships aren't meant to last."

Chandler smiled at her as she drank some more and handed the bottle back to Chandler. She lay on the couch, resting her head on the arm. Chandler watched her, she truly was beautiful. He loved those eyes and that smile although she wasn't smiling at that moment. He turned on the television and began the movie. They sat alone in the dark, side by side, watching the movie while sharing the bottle of liquor. Neither one saying much to each other, just lost in their own depressive thoughts. Chandler began to mull over every aspect of his relationship with Lizzie. Maybe Monica was right, it had never really been a relationship or at least not to Lizzie. He had no clue how to have one of those relationship things. He thought he had one, but maybe he hadn't.

As September turned to October, Chandler's heartbreak over Lizzie seemed to fade. It had shocked him that he had not felt more upset, more sad. Instead, he actually felt free. Maybe he didn't want a relationship. He didn't really know how to act in one, apparently so maybe it was best he did not have one.

Soon it became Halloween and Monica had invited Chandler, Gandalf, Kip, Ross and Carol to a Halloween party in her apartment. She was a sophomore at the New York Culinary Institute and was also taking business classes at NYU. She was sharing a big loft with three other girls and they had decided on a Halloween party. Chandler was a little surprised when she had invited him, personally. He arrived, dressed as George Michael. Monica had completely transformed the loft into a haunted house of sorts. She was dressed as a French Maid. Chandler's eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw her. The short skirt, the tight black corset, he could not stop staring.

"Whoa," Chandler said.

"Dude, that's my sister," Ross said.

"She's hot," Chandler said.

"You guys are here, awesome," Monica said, walking over to them.

"Don't you think is a little revealing," Ross said.

"No. It's a Halloween and this is the first Halloween where I can wear something tight fitting so that's what I'm gonna do and what are you?" Monica asked, looking at Ross.

"I'm a dinosaur," Ross said.

"G-d, my brother is odd," Monica said.

Ross glared at her as they all walked in. Monica seemed far happier than she had earlier, which Chandler thought was nice. The place was packed and the first place Chandler headed to was the bar. Monica had mentioned something about a friend having been the booze supplier so he felt it was time for a drink and now that he had no girlfriend, he could take care of himself. He poured himself a large glass of Jack and coke when Monica suddenly appeared in front of him.

"What are you doing? You know, if you get wasted, I'm not taking care of you."

"You're a maid, you're supposed to," Chandler grinned.

"I'm not that kind of a maid."

"What kind of maid are you?"

"The kind that will kick your ass if you throw up in my loft," Monica remarked.

"I think I like that kind of a maid," Chandler grinned.

"So how are you doing since your break up?"

"I'm alright...surprisingly, alright. Is that strange?"

"No. Maybe you didn't love her as much as you thought."

"I don't know. I said I love you."

"You can't just say it, you have to mean it and you dated for two years and you never said it before? I don't think you were in a relationship and besides, I never liked her anyway."

"You didn't?"

"Well...first, she accused me of getting you hooked on drugs which was strange and second...she let you get away with too much. I mean, we've been talking for five minutes and not once have you asked how I was feeling or how I'm dealing with my best friend dumping me. But we have talked about you...which I'm sure Lizzie would have been fine with, but not me. If I had a boyfriend like you...not a chance in hell I'd let him get away with half the crap she let you get away with," Monica said.

"Well, then maybe I should be your boyfriend?" Chandler asked, wondering where the hell that had come from. Monica gave him a look, raising an eyebrow.

"No."

"No?"

"You're not my type," Monica said.

"I'm not."

"Nope."

"Then whose your type?"

"Not you...I don't do one sided relationships or friendships anymore," Monica grinned as she walked off before turning around to look at him, "go easy on the booze, buddy. You vomit, you find your own way home." Monica walked off as Chandler's mouth dropped. He smiled. His heart always beat faster, watching her as she approached three girls whom he assumed were her roommates.

"My G-d, Ross' sister is hot," Kip said, appearing next to Chandler said.

"I'd so tap that ass," Gandalf said.

"Dude, that's our friend's sister. You're not tapping anything. She is pretty though, isn't she...it's strange to think she's related to Ross," Chandler mused. The entire party, he kept watching, kept staring. He made a conscious effort to not drink too much in Monica's presence. He had never done that before. Being near her actually made him hate Rachel even more, how could anyone give Monica up? He just wanted to be around her constantly, although he did get worried every time she went to the bathroom. Every single time she disappeared, he got worried, thinking again of that Thanksgiving. He would stand outside the bathroom every single time she went until she finally called him out on it.

"What are you doing?" She asked. "Why are you following me everywhere?"

"Just making sure you're okay...see, I can care about another person," Chandler said.

"I'm fine."

"Really."

"Yes," Monica smiled, touching his arm which felt like a bolt of electricity being sent through his body. He had only felt that once before.

"I just..."

"Chandler," Monica said, staring at him, even standing on her toes so she was eye level, "I am fine. I know when to stop."

Chandler nodded as Monica smiled. He watched as she turned and walked off again. He loved watching her walk off, although hated her leaving. He wasn't sure he had ever experienced feelings like this.

As the months progressed, Chandler and Monica seemed to be forming a friendship. They would talk, hang out, even meet for lunch and all the while, Chandler seemed to be feeling a whole mess of feelings for the girl that was Ross' sister. Monica, it seemed, only viewed him as a friend. So Chandler knew he had to put those feelings away. He couldn't really tell anyone about them, but there was something about Monica he loved. He loved how she let him get away with nothing. He loved how during Thanksgiving, she made him macaroni and cheese. She loved how she laughed at his jokes, although critiqued the ones that bombed. It confused him.

It was now the beginning of December and Chandler needed a break. He wanted to get away, collect his thoughts. He had seen Lizzie at a pizza place near NYU and the two didn't speak and then there was Monica. His feelings for her was bizarre. He wasn't sure how to handle them. He decided to take a subway ride. Normally, he would have taken Sally out for a spin, but this time, he wanted to take the train, not sure where he would take it, but he would take it somewhere.

As he sat, he noticed a tall blonde girl that kept staring at him curiously. He tried to ignore it, wanting to be left alone, but soon she got up and sat next to him. He smiled at her.

"Um...are you Chandler?" she asked.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. What the hell were the odds of running into someone he knew on a subway. Although, he hadn't a clue as to who this girl was.

"Yes...and you are?"

"You don't remember me? Wow...I'm Phoebe. Do you remember when you were fifteen and you went to see Hot Dog the Movie and-"

The flash of recognition appeared on his face. He remembered her. Phoebe. That girl that Lizzie thought was homeless. That was such a ridiculous story.

"Oh, Phoebe. Yeah...I remember now. Sorry...I...but yeah, I remember...one of the first girls to ever reject me," Chandler grinned, not really let on that really there had only been two girls to reject him. This one and Lizzie...the others ones didn't pay much attention to him.  
"I didn't reject you," Phoebe said.

"No, no...it's fine. Believe me, I've been rejected many times since then. Last week, I told my now ex that I loved her and she said, 'oh crap," Chandler said, stretching it a bit. Okay, it more than a few weeks, but in addition to his growing feelings for Monica, he kept replaying the scene with Lizzie in his head every single day and besides this girl didn't need to know the exact truth.

"Awww, Chandler. I don't want to be in that group because I didn't reject you."

"It's fine."

"No...okay, you're not going to believe me...but I didn't give you my number because I didn't have one."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I'm homeless."

"Come on," Chandler said. That was a horrible excuse, he felt but then Phoebe started to talk. She began telling him a complete story about her mom dying and living in a junkyard. Everything so real and sounded horrifying and he got the feeling that perhaps Phoebe was not lying.

"You're not lying?"

"No. No...Chandler, I would have given you my number. I swear. I really don't want to be in that group of girls that rejected you. I had so much fun with you. That movie was...awful...but you were awesome."

Chandler smiled, impressed that this girl remembered him after all these years. It made him feel a little better.

"Thanks. It was awful."

"Horrific...but G-d, you made me laugh and I thought you were cute and I'm sorry if I made you look bad in front of your friends," Phoebe said.

"You kidding? I was able to approach some random tall, hot blonde girl and get her to go see what could possibly be one of the worst movies of all time with me. For a few hours there, I was the stud."

"Good...you still hang out with those friends?" Phoebe asked.

"Sometimes. I'm at NYU now. I'm a junior and my high school friends are kind of scattered," Chandler said, making a mental note to call Tyler when he got back to his dorm. He was the only one of his high school friends he kept in touch with the most.

"Oh...so where are you going?" Phoebe asked.

"Nowhere. I just needed sometime to think. I don't know. I just...I need to find out what my major is and I have not a clue. I want to do something with my life. I want to help someone or help myself or...I want to do something that's going to make me feel...good. It's just stressful but I mean, I guess no where as stressful as the stuff you've been through...I don't know what I'm talking about... but...you're in school?" Chandler asked, pointing at her book. He was rambling, knowing he was lying, making up crap about majors and finding things in his life. Sure, he did have to find a major but while Phoebe felt comfortable unloading on him, he just didn't comfortable returning the favor.

"Yeah. I managed to save up enough money for a semester of school at the New York Institute of Massage. I have no clue how I'll pay for the next two and a half years, plus the State Exam and books, but it's why I've never bothered saving up to even get a studio apartment or a roommate...I want to be a massage therapist and I want my degree and I can't afford a degree and a home. Sounds so weird. I've just been doing this all alone..."

"Oh," Chandler said, feeling impressed by her. She was homeless yet looked so sunny and bright. Her demeanor, so optimistic. He wasn't sure he could ever be that optimistic if he was in that situation.

It was then that he got an idea. It seemed so crystal clear to him. Monica and Lizzie both thought he was selfish, it seemed. They both thought he cared only about himself. His relationship with Lizzie was apparently one sided and Monica accused him of not asking about her. He could help this homeless girl sitting in front of him. He had the funds and she seemed like the type that would embrace it. Someone this optimistic, should not be living on the streets, he reasoned.

"So...you go to NYU?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...I had some help financially, but I know what you mean about having a dysfunctional family. My mom writes erotic novels and my dad is a gay cross dresser who started his own gay burlesque show in Vegas."

"Really?" Phoebe asked, raising an eyebrow. Chandler silently kicked himself, not wanting to think about his parents. He wanted to find out about their girl's education. Everything about her education.

"Yeah...but I...it's...it is what it is. So New York Institute of Massage...what classes do you have to take?" Chandler asked. The wheels in his head spinning. He would show them, all those people who thought he was self absorbed. This would forever be proof that he wasn't. When the train approached NYU, he got up and grabbed a sheet of paper out of his pocket.

"Can I borrow a pen?" Chandler asked as Phoebe handed him a glittery pink pencil. He looked at it. "It's my father's favorite color. Alright..."

Chandler wrote two numbers on a piece of paper and handed it to her. She looked at it and then back up at him.

"Your numbers?" Phoebe asked.

"Pager and dorm...call me when you get a phone. I'm thinking I might need to schedule a massage."

"Smooth," Phoebe said.

"Really? I thought was kind of dorky of me," Chandler said, joking. He really felt like an idiot at that moment.

"Please don't ruin it," Phoebe grinned.

Chandler laughed as the train came to a stop. Phoebe seemed good at calling him out too. He liked that. He raced off the train and took a cab to his accountant's office to explain. It seemed so far fetched, so crazy so bizarre. He wanted to use his trust fund to pay for everything. He wanted to pay for Phoebe's education, her books, any tests she had to take and he wanted to remain anonymous. He thought making it anonymous would make it even more apparent that he cared so much about other people that he didn't even want credit. So the next time Monica accused him of only caring about himself, he could tell her how he used his trust fund to pay for a homeless girl's education. What would she say then? Maybe then she'd see him in a different way, in the way he was starting to see her.


	17. Chapter 17

**April 8, 1990**

He was twenty one years old. Chandler Bing was now legally allowed to do what he had been doing since the age of nine. He had been partying all weekend as his birthday fell on a Sunday. It was a little anti-climatic being twenty one, but he would make the most of it. He began his morning sitting in the common area of his suite drinking a large mimosa while Gandalf, Ross and Kip were planning the days activities.

"Dude, let's do Atlantic City," Gandalf said.

"That would be awesome," Kip said.

"That's the one thing I haven't done," Chandler smiled.

"But I can't go," Ross said.

"You don't have to go," Gandalf said.

"No...I wanna go, but I can't. I...I'm not twenty one yet," Ross said.

"Well, then...you can't come," Gandalf said.

Ross nodded, looking a little sad. Chandler felt a little bad for him as Ross was the youngest of the four, his birthday being in October. Gandalf's birthday had been in January and Kip's birthday had only been a week earlier. Chandler looked over at Ross. He knew Gandalf wasn't too fond of Ross, thinking Ross just hated having a good time. But Chandler liked hanging out with Ross and wanted to do something with him.

"Well, let's think of something all four of us can do," Chandler said.

"I wanna go to Atlantic City. Ross can stay in the room, we'll hang out with him when we get back," Gandalf said.

"It's fine," Ross said.

"No, no...I wanna hang out with my boys tonight...and wait, you know...what about Atlantic City during Halloween? Ross will finally be twenty one...that would be amazing," Chandler said.

"That would be cool," Kip said.

"Alright, alright...what do you wanna tonight, Bing?" Gandalf asked.

"Well...Ross, you do have to be the designated driver," Chandler said.

"That's fine," Ross said.

"Then whatever you have planned will be fine," Chandler said.

Chandler lay back on the couch as Gandalf and Kip did most of the planning. Chandler looked over at Ross who simply mouthed, 'thanks' to which Chandler nodded his head. It was hard for Chandler to believe he had made it this far. He never thought he'd survive to see twenty one. He knew he was living hard already, but he couldn't help it. In his mind, he had grown up living hard.

He had a lunch birthday date. He spent a long time trying to get ready before driving over to pick her up. Monica was waiting for him when he drove up to her apartment. They had been hanging out more and more. He wanted to be with her all the time. He had not told her about what he had done for that homeless chick. He would use that at the right time. The next time Monica called him self absorbed. The next time someone accused him of thinking only of himself, then he'd use it. Monica was grinning at him as she walked towards his car and hopped in.

"You're twenty minutes late, you know," Monica said.

"It's my birthday. I can be late."

"Not when you're picking me up."

"Duly noted."

"So have you decided your major?" Monica asked. Chandler let out a snort as he continued driving. In the last few months, Monica had been asking him about his major. He was a junior and really still had not declared one. He was doing well in college, but with the end of junior year in sight, he had to decide once and for all what his major would be.

"I haven't a clue."

"You're almost done. How do you have no clue?"

"I have lots of interests. Leave me alone."

"See, this is another reason we could never date and we could certainly never get married," Monica said.

"Why?" Chandler asked. He loved these conversations, loved Monica telling him why they would never be a couple. He was bound and determined to change her mind and he would. Somehow.

"I could never date a man who had no direction in life."

"I have direction."

"No, I don't mean direction like, what direction is the bar in. I mean, you have no direction. What do you wanna be?" Monica asked.

"I don't know. Maybe a stand up comic...or a writer...I could write movies...or maybe a professional tennis player."

"Okay, but what would you do in the meantime? What are you passionate about?"

"Maybe I'll be a professional fun haver."

"Oh, G-d...stop sounding like a jackass."

"Wait, wait...I got it. We get married and you can become a rich and famous chef that owns restaurants all over the United States...and you can support me. I can be a kept man. I can watch movies, write-"

"And I would be the one working and bringing in the bacon?"

"Yep...oooo, I can see it now."

"Hmm, well, remind me to never get married to you."

"No."

"Yeah, you're right. No need to remind me...'cause I won't forget. Mental note, never marry Chandler Bing," Monica said.

"You love me, Monica Geller. Admit it."

"I will not...you're not my type."

"So...what do I need to do to become your type?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, if you have to ask..." Monica, grinned.

"Okay, one day...one day I will be your type."

"You're confident."

"Because I know. One day, you will say, oh Chandler, I love you...let me take you unto my bosom...oh you sexy, sexy stallion of a man."

"That sounds like a line from one of your mom's books. That's really kinda creepy, quoting lines from your mother's books. Although...it is a corny line. I would never say that to anyone...ever."

Chandler smiled as he continued towards the restaurant. There was just something about this girl. They were now very close friends, but Chandler secretly wanted more. He would make it his mission to become her type.

Of course, his mission to better himself took a night off after his lunch with Monica. With Ross being the designated driver, Chandler once again fell into old habits. Ross drove himself, Chandler, Kip and Gandalf from bar to bar and from club to club and soon they ended up at the top of the Statue of Liberty. It was late, none of them quite sure of the actual time. Just that it was late and three out of the four of them were completely trashed.

"Oh dude...I'm gonna throw up," Chandler mused as he held onto the railing.

"Alright, alright...I have a bet. Two hundred bucks to flash the tourists Bing," Gandalf said.

"I'm in on that bet," Kip said.

"Come on it's late...let's go home. I'm tired." Ross said.

"That's 'cause you haven't been drinking," Gandalf said.

"Someone has to be the responsible grownup," Ross said.

"Wait, wait...two hundred bucks each if I show that boat load of tourists my statue? Ross, you in too?" Chandler asked.

"Fine...expose yourself and I'll give you two hundred bucks," Ross said, sounding annoyed. Chandler didn't pay too much attention and instead proceeded to pull down his pants as well as his boxers. He grabbed his penis and began to sing at the top of his lungs, singing the "_Star Spangled Banner_". Kip and Gandalf couldn't stop laughing as he kept singing. Ross turned away. When Chandler was done, he pulled back up his pants and turned to his friends.

"Pay up, bitches," Chandler said.

"Alright, alright six hundred bucks for the Chan Chan man," Gandalf said, patting him on the back as the four boys began to make their way back down towards the car.

"Can we go home? I'm tired...and this is boring," Ross said.

"We should have gone to Atlantic City," Gandalf said.

"I'm not driving to Atlantic City," Ross said.

"Rossy," Chandler said as he put his hand on Ross' shoulder. Ross cringed, knowing where that hand had just been.

"Don't touch me with that hand," Ross said.

"Let's just...loosen up. You're twenty. You're not eighty...and oh...crap," Chandler said when he suddenly turned away from Ross and vomited all over the stairwell inside the Statue of Liberty. When he was done, he smiled at Ross. "Ooops."

"Nice, Chan Chan," Gandalf said as they now ran down the stairs even faster towards Chandler's car. They all got in, but with Ross behind the wheel, it was decided that they would be headed home. First they stopped at a liquor store and stocked up before heading back to the dorms where the party continued. Even Ross began to drink a little. They had recently set up a ping pong table in their suite where they played. They played and drank until they all passed out.

The ringing of the phone woke Chandler up. He was on the couch in the suite, completely passed out with a hangover. He groaned as he could hear the phone ringing from the room he shared with Ross. He looked around, wondering where everyone was as he stood up, his legs wobbly beneath him. He walked towards the room and walked in. He could see the flashing light on the machine which said they had about twenty new messages. That seemed strange. He reached for the phone just as the machine picked up.

"Hello?" Chandler asked, his voice sounding hoarse.

"Hey...oh thank G-d, I reached someone. This is Jennie. I'm one of Monica's roommates. Is this her brother?"

"No...no...Jen...what? What time is it?"

"It's Monday...it's one o'clock in the afternoon."

"Oh crap...what's wrong?"

"Monica's in the hospital."

"What?"

"Courtney and Lisa took her to the hospital. She collapsed-"

"Courtney and Lisa?"

"Her other roommates...fuck. Where's her brother? I tried to reach her parents and-"

"I'll tell her brother. Which hospital?" Chandler asked.

Chandler reached for a pad of paper and a pen and began to write down the information. When he hung up the phone, he looked around the room. It was Monday, that's what Jennie had said. This meant he had slept through his morning classes. Ross had not, obviously. He walked over to Ross' side of the room and looked at the schedule. He was in some sort of seminar. Chandler decided not to change, knowing he probably looked like crap as he walked out of the dorm towards the lecture hall he knew Ross was in. He reached it and peered inside the classroom. The entire class turned to look at him. Ross looked puzzled as Chandler motioned for Ross to come outside.

Chandler felt like crap as he drove towards the hospital. Ross was sitting in the passenger's seat, worried. He kept staring out the window.

"Can you go faster?" Ross asked.

"I'm hungover. I can't go that fast."

"Shit...I should have driven."

"No, no...I should."

"Fuck...she said she stopped," Ross said which made Chandler look at him before turning back towards the road.

"You knew?" Chandler asked, wondering if Ross knew what Chandler had known since that Thanksgiving.

"Of course. You don't lose two hundred and fifty pounds through diet and exercise."

"I caught her once," Chandler admitted.

"What?"

"During Thanksgiving. When she cut off my toe."

"You should've told me," Ross said.

"I was...I wasn't doing well either."

"I confronted her about it too and I thought it was done."

Chandler nodded as he continued to drive to the hospital. When they arrived, they asked a nurse where Monica's room and were pointed in the right direction. When they found it, they ran in and saw Monica and Ross' parents sitting by Monica's bed, comforting her.

"What the hell happened?" Ross asked as he walked in.

"I collapsed...I'm not eating enough," Monica said.

"Oh, honey...you look so tired," Judy Geller said walking towards Ross and patting his cheek.

"Monica...what are you doing?" Ross asked.

"Ross...were you in class?" Judy asked.

"Chandler got me," Ross said.

"What were you doing? You look like crap," Jack Geller said.

"I-yesterday was my twenty first birthday," Chandler said.

"Oh, I remember my twenty first birthday," Jack grinned. "Had a few too many?"

"Of course he did," Monica grinned.

Chandler flashed a smile at her as he bit his lip, not wanting to say something he would regret. He wanted so badly to talk to her alone, to tell her that seeing her like this killed him. That image from Thanksgiving forever engrained in his head, but as he stood there, he felt so intrusive. This was a family moment and he knew he needed to change so he politely stepped out. He would be back in an hour, feeling maybe this was a moment for the Geller family to be without the kid who crashed their Thanksgivings.

He arrived back at the hospital about an hour or two later, all cleaned up. When he reached Monica's room, he saw her lying there, alone.

"Where is everyone?" Chandler asked.

"I told them to go downstairs and get something to eat. They were driving me crazy," Monica said.

"You know...I don't know what to say right now...but...I don't...I think you look pretty."

"Now you do. I'm thin," Monica said.

"No. No...that's not it."

"Chandler, you didn't talk to me when I was heavy. You had no interest in being my friend...you let Nancy bully me," Monica said.

"What?"

"You were at that game. It was you. Not only did you cover Rachel's car with peanut butter...you sat there and let Nancy bully me."

Chandler let out a sigh, not sure how to respond to that. He remembered that look on Monica's face at that game. He remembered how sad and miserable she looked but he didn't know what to say.

"Monica, I like you. I like you so much. Please, stop hurting yourself."

"You first."

"I'm not-"

"How much did you drink last night?"

"It was my birthday."

"You looked like shit this morning. You're hurting yourself. You stop and I'll stop."

"I-I'm...I'm not taking drugs. Mon-"

"You stop and I'll stop."

"Okay. Okay...if it'll keep you healthy. Monica...you...you make me...I'm sorry I was so shitty to you. You are the most...I...I wanna..."

"Wanna what?"

"I want to be your type." Chandler said. Monica smiled sadly at him as she gently touched his cheek. He wanted her so badly, wanted to hold her, kiss her, absorb himself in her. He leaned in towards her, inching closer and closer, waiting for her to push him away. Soon, their lips met and they were kissing. It felt strangely perfect to him, when suddenly Monica stopped and pulled away.

"No. No...not now, stop. Please," Monica said as Chandler said back. "I can't...and you can't...it's not the right time."

"Oh..yeah...by the way, you're wrong. I liked you when were heavy too."

"No, you didn't."

"I did. When you...when I dropped you and Rachel off after that party when Ross and I were freshmen...you smiled at me. I loved that smile...and those eyes."

"You're sweet, but...you're a friend. My brother's roommate. That's all," Monica said.

Chandler nodded as he sat back on the bed. Soon, Ross, Judy and Jack walked back in and surrounded Monica, taking care of her. Chandler stepped back. He wanted to reach out. He wanted to do so much more but he wasn't sure how.

Monica was released from the hospital a few days later. Chandler kept trying to reach out, although still not quite sure what to say. He was pleasantly surprised though when a few weeks later, she agreed to join him at a party. Chandler picked her up in the Corvette and drove towards one of the frat houses where the party was being held.

"I'm impressed you're coming."

"I needed to get out of the house," Monica said. "Is Ross coming?"

"He's with Carol."

"They're getting serious."

"They are."

"Chandler...what I said to you in the hospital...it wasn't meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"I just...I don't see us ever working as a couple."

"You're right."

Monica smiled as Chandler continued to drive. Chandler knew he had no choice. It killed him, but he still clung to his belief that one day Monica would look at him and say that he was her type, but he wasn't holding his breath.

At the frat party, Chandler did what he normally did. He hadn't meant to drink so much, but he did. Monica looked angrier and angrier and bored as well. Around ten o'clock that night, Chandler noticed Monica half asleep on a couch and around one am, Monica had vanished, as did his car. Chandler was furious as he drunkenly left the frat house and went to hail a cab. He took the cab to Monica's apartment and saw his car parked in front of her building. He walked into her building when Monica buzzed him up.

"You stole my car?" Chandler asked when Monica let him in. She was sitting with her roommates drinking wine and chatting.

"I wanted to go home," Monica said, standing up to face him.

"You stole my car."

"Chandler...I was in the hospital a few weeks ago. I am struggling with an eating disorder...every fucking day of my life. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a fucking frat party and watch you get drunk off your ass. This is why I would never date you. You are so self absorbed and so ridiculously messed up-"

"You're calling me messed up. You're the one who landed in the hospital for forcing herself to throw up."

"Get the fuck out of my apartment," Monica said.

"Monica-"

"No. You...you need some serious, serious help and I am not...I will never date you. You could be the last man on this planet and I still wouldn't date you. All you care about is yourself. You're not that important," Monica said.

"Give me back my keys." Chandler said.

"Fine," Monica said, throwing them at him. "Driving drunk, too? Nothing turns me on more. Get the hell out of my apartment."

And with that, Chandler stuffed his keys in his pocket and stormed out. He walked towards his car and got in. He couldn't turn on the ignition, Monica was right. He couldn't drive. So he stayed there, waiting until he eventually fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning to a tapping on his window. Chandler jumped as he turned and noticed Monica standing outside his door. He leaned over and opened the door. She got in and sat next to him.

"You slept in your car?"

"I couldn't drive drunk."

"Oh...well, at least you have some morals."

"Monica, I'm not this asshole that you think I am. Look, I don't-I don't know how to care for someone else. I cared for me. That's how I grew up. No one was protecting me. It's not that I don't care. It's that I don't know how. I'm sorry about what I said. I want you to be okay...because even if we never date, being around you makes me wanna work so much harder to be...better."

"I don't think you're an asshole."

"You don't?"

"No. I think you're messed up...so am I. We're both messed up. Which is why we can never be together. We're just too messed up."

"I think you're beautiful."

"Thank you."

"And not because you're thin...not because you look a certain way. Because you're you. You're beautiful...'cause you're you."

Monica smiled as she leaned into give him a kiss on the cheek. "Go home, Chandler. Get some rest."

He nodded as she got out of the car. He watched as she walked inside her building before driving off. His heart ached thinking about Monica. He wanted her and he could only hope one day he'd be good enough so that she'd return the favor.

About a week later, he sat in his adviser's office going over all the classes he had taken thus far. He seemed to have taken a lot of film classes and a lot of business classes. He had taken enough of those courses to unintentionally give himself a major in film and minor in business. So when he left his college adviser's office that day, he returned to his dorm to immediately call Monica to tell her that he had not only finally declared his major, but declared a minor as well. .


	18. Chapter 18

**Summer 1990**

It had been the trip. A final trip before senior of college. Chandler, Ross, Gandalf and Kip had decided on a cross country trip. They would stop at bars and local hang outs along the way. They would hit up all the landmarks, meet as many people as they could and enjoy the last summer before their final year of college. Of course, Ross was still not twenty one so there were many times where he was the designated driver. Chandler tried to make sure the group did things that included him, but it didn't always end up that way. It seemed that there was a divide in the group. Gandalf and Kip versus Ross and Chandler felt stuck in the middle. He spent much of the trip trying to keep the peace. He liked Ross. He found him interesting and nice. Ross kept him sane, he liked that. Gandalf and Kip though thought Ross was obnoxious and desperate and always a downer on their fun. Ross often seemed miserable throughout the trip, he would try, often telling the others some sort of historical fact about a landmark but no one really cared.

Chandler felt bad for him but as they neared their final destination, the excitement he was feeling took over. About midway through the summer, they finally arrived in California...or more importantly, they had arrived in Disneyland. Chandler had desperately wanted to go, he had never been. There had been that time when his dad was supposed to take him back when he was little but that had fallen through. Now he wanted to go, he wanted to play and after a quick stop to get some tacos, they finally made it. Chandler could not stop grinning as he pulled into the parking lot and looked at all the characters adorning the posts.

"Wow, we're here," Chandler said as he pulled into a spot next to a post that had a picture of Dopey on it.

"I can't believe you're this excited about Disneyland," Kip said.

"I can't believe you're not. I mean, screw the Grand Canyon and all that other landmark crap...this is what I wanted to see," Chandler said.

"How have you never been?" Kip asked.

"I don't have parents that love me," Chandler stressed.

"Says the man in the Corvette his parents paid for," Ross said.

"Don't say things like that," Chandler said.

"I heard there's an underground Disney thing where you can get booze. We gotta find that," Gandalf said.

"That would be cool...but Ross would have to stay in the car," Kip said.

"I love that you constantly have to bring up that I'm not twenty one yet. That never gets old," Ross groaned.

Chandler started to get nervous again. He wanted to keep the peace, no fighting in Disneyland. He wanted this to be the most perfect day.

"Oh, it's okay man...when we're thirty, you'll still be twenty nine. So the tables will have turned and you can make fun of us," Chandler grinned, patting Ross on the back.

"If we're still friends by then," Gandalf muttered, a little too loudly.

"Wow...thanks," Ross said.

"Why wouldn't be friends by then? I plan on still being friends with each one of you when we're thirty," Chandler said. "Alright, can we go, no fighting...I wanna try and get Snow White's phone number. Wait, do you think Snow White would have a phone in her castle?"

"Snow White would never go for you," Gandalf said.

"Snow White would totally go for me...at least I think she would. Well, she would at least give me one date before she rejected me. She has to...she works at the Happiest Place on Earth and her doing me would certainly make the park live up to its name," Chandler said.

"You just like Snow White 'cause she looks like Ross' little sister," Kip said.

"I do not," Chandler said.

"Wait...what?" Ross asked.

"Chan Man has a hard on for your little sister," Kip said.

"I do not, shut up," Chandler said.

"You've sent her a postcard from every city we've been in," Kip teased.

"With a recipe included because she's studying to be a chef. I'm learning to care about others, dammit. Now can we please make this day awesome for me," Chandler said.

"You like Monica?" Ross asked.

"No...no...I-I'm...I'm being a friend. Like...on the _Golden Girls._ You know, 'cause like if she ever threw party and invited everyone she knew, then the biggest gift it would be from me and the card attached would say...thank you for being a friend and here's a recipe for beef stew-" Chandler said.

"You watch _Golden Girls_?" Kip asked.

"Yes, I do. You got a problem with that?" Chandler said.

"Wait...back up...you like my sister?" Ross asked.

"Well, it doesn't matter really what I think. Monica made it quite clear that if I were the last man on Earth, she'd probably turn into a lesbian just to avoid going out with me," Chandler said.

"She said that?" Ross asked.

"I'm paraphrasing...but yes," Chandler said, feeling uncomfortable.

"That's why you need to hook up with Snow White," Gandalf said.

"Exactly. Can we go?" Chandler said.

As the boys got out of the car, Chandler noticed something about Ross. He was looking a little pale, sick. As they headed towards the trams, Chandler patted Ross on the back to check up on him.

"You alright, man? You look a little green?" Chandler asked.

"I'm fine...I just...I don't know...maybe I shouldn't have had that last taco," Ross said.

"Well, you ate ten of them," Chandler teased, "and...I told you, never trust food that some dude makes out of the back of his truck."

"They looked alright," Ross said.

"Ross, you look like crap," Gandalf said.

"Even more than usual," Kip said.

"You're so kind," Ross said.

"Chan Chan man, you're sitting next to him," Kip said.

"Fine, I'll sit next to him. But Ross, if you blow...you're running alongside Sally, the entire way back to New York," Chandler said, although not really caring. He was too excited, too happy. He was finally at Disneyland.

"Come on, let's go," Ross said.

Chandler felt like a kid as he walked into the park, all those colors, the music. He wanted to absorb it all. He wanted to try every ride, try every food, go in every single store. After buying his ticket, he immediately put it in his wallet which was where he put everything he wanted to keep. He wanted to play the part of the tourist, not caring what his friends said and they did say things, well more Gandalf and Kip than Ross. Ross kept looking sicker and sicker.

They had stopped for tacos on the way to Disneyland. There had been a guy. He had been selling them out of the back of his truck. Chandler had refused to get one, he had planned to eat his way through Disneyland and did not want to eat until they got there. Gandalf and Kip had each had two, Ross though had ten. Chandler had cautioned him against it, but Ross was hungry and it seemed he was regretting that decision and as they stood in line for Space Mountain, he seemed greener and greener.

"Dude, are you sure you don't wanna sit this one out?" Chandler asked.

"No, I'm fine. I'm fine," Ross said.

"You don't look fine," Chandler said.

"Oh, oh...there's Snow White," Kip said, patting Chandler on the back.

Chandler turned and saw a woman with short black hair, light eyes and a red bow in her hair, wandering around dressed up looking like Snow White and waving at small children walking by. He grinned. She was gorgeous. He wondered if he could convince Monica to dress up like Snow White for Halloween? He could be Prince Charming...or not.

"Ooooo," Chandler said.

"Alright, I'll give you fifty bucks if you get her number," Gandalf said.

"I can't do that. I can't...I will die," Chandler said.

"I'll give you fifty bucks too," Kip said.

"You still owe me money from my birthday," Chandler said.

"Add it to your tab," Gandalf said.

"Alright...I don't believe you that you will actually pay me, but I will go talk to her and if I die...Gandalf, you're riding with Ross," Chandler said as he left his friends to go approach Snow White. He could feel his heart pounding out of his chest as he walked near her. She had such a pretty smile, the red lips making her teeth whiter and her skin more snowier.

"Hello, there...welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth," Snow White said, grinning.

"Yes...yeah, thanks...um...yeah...I'm from New York."

"Such a beautiful, magical land."

"Sure. So...Snow White...if that's your real name...uh...well...are-are you from around here?" Chandler asked, mentally kicking himself for the absurdity of that line.

"Yes. I live in a castle off yonder with seven little friends," Snow White said.

"Well...I-I do like midgets," Chandler remarked and for a moment, Chandler could detect Snow White breaking her character and giving him a look. He felt a sudden tingly in his insides and he wondered if that's what it felt like before someone exploded and died.

"Yes...they are lovely. Well, enjoy yourself in the Magic Kingdom...I must be off," Snow White said.

"Wait, wait...I love...apples. I mean, wait...you don't like apples, um...well...uh...Dwarves are awesome."

"You are a strange little man...I must be going now," Snow White said as she began to walk off. Chandler followed, really wanting to say something else, to try again when a man with jet black hair, a white top hat and a red and white striped suit strolled towards her. He looked like one of the guys who worked Main Street and seemed very out of place near Space Mountain.

"Hey, baby. How you doin'?" The guy asked Snow White as he placed his arm around her. Chandler stood, staring at them, shocked. This guy could not swoop in and take Snow White away from him. That was just unacceptable.

"Joey, you're not supposed to be here," Snow White said.

"I'm on break and I'll be where ever you are, baby," Joey said.

"What the fuck," Chandler muttered.

"Oh, Joey," Snow White giggled as Joey led her off. Chandler let out a snort and turned to his friends. Ross was holding onto his stomach while Kip and Gandalf were looking at him, giggling. He walked towards them.

"So...are you gonna be Snow White's bitch?" Gandalf asked.

"Shut up," Chandler said.

"What happened?" Kip asked.

"I hate men named, Joey. If I ever meet a man named, Joey...you know what I'll do?" Chandler asked.

"Hit him with a stick and run away?" Kip asked.

"Probably. But believe you me, it'll be a sharp stick," Chandler mused.

"You just got rejected by Snow White," Gandalf laughed.

"I know, that's awesome. That's the best thing to happen on this trip. Dude, you got rejected by a woman who fucks seven little men," Kip said.

"What version of Snow White are you reading?" Chandler asked.

"You got rejected by Snow White," Kip laughed, not paying attention to Chandler.

"I didn't get rejected...I just...I...oh, shut up," Chandler said as Gandalf and Kip laughed. Chandler laughed a little too. It was a little ridiculous and Chandler knew this would be a story he would have to tell for the rest of his life.

"You'd have better luck trying to bang Ross' sister," Gandalf said.

"No, he got rejected by her too, remember?" Kip asked.

"Monica did not reject me. She just said that you know...if I were the last man standing, she'd want to explore other options. That's just good planning," Chandler said.

"You're pathetic, dude," Gandalf said.

"I know. Alright, alright...you know what...you two try it. Next Disney girls we see...both of you try to get their numbers," Chandler said.

"I would totally get a number," Gandalf said.

"Me too. I'm not you, I don't get rejected," Kip said.

"You got rejected by Lizzie's friend, Susan," Chandler said.

"She's a lesbian," Kip said.

"You still got rejected. But next time we run into one of the Disney princesses, you'll have to hit on that one and if one of you gets the number...then you will be crowned king of the land," Chandler said as the other two agreed

By the time they got onto Space Mountain, nothing could kill Chandler's mood. It didn't matter that Snow White had rejected him, he didn't care at all. He was going on Space Mountain. Once they reached the front, Ross and Chandler got on the ride, Gandalf and Kip behind them. As the ride began though, Ross kept looking sicker and sicker. Chandler wasn't paying too much attention until suddenly he heard a noise coming from Ross, followed by someone yelling, "oh, shit." Chandler looked over at Ross.

"What did you just do?" Chandler asked.

"Um..."

"You just crapped your pants, didn't you?" Chandler asked.

"No."

"Oh...oh...gross, Ross."

Chandler cringed, trying to move as far as he could away from Ross, but there wasn't much room for him to move. Apparently, those ten tacos had caused Ross to have a reaction, a reaction that covered most of the seat. After the ride, Chandler immediately jumped out of his seat and looked at Ross. Kip and Gandalf walked towards Chandler.

"Dude, what happened?" Kip asked.

"Oh, shit...what the hell did you do man?" Gandalf said.

The three stared at Ross who remained frozen, sitting in his seat. He stared straight ahead and it was soon followed by a flurry of activity and people coming to clean it up. One person who arrived on scene to help clean up was that guy, Joey. The one who had taken Snow White away from Chandler, only this time he was dressed in khaki pants and a pink button down shirt. Chandler grinned slightly at this, wondering if this was karma. Joey walked towards the seats that Chandler and Ross had been in. He looked at Ross with a look of disgust as people began urging Ross to move. Ross slowly got up which made what he had done all the more obvious.

"Oh, dude we gotta lay out papers for you. You crapped all over Space Mountain," Gandalf laughed.

"I-I wanna go home. I'm gonna..." Ross said and before he could finish the sentence, he bolted out of the ride.

"Dude, you gotta potty train your friend," Joey yelled towards Chandler as he grabbed a bucket and a towel. Chandler suddenly felt horrible as he, Gandalf and Kip walked outside. Chandler remembered what Monica had said how he had sat there and watched Nancy bully her. He looked over at Gandalf and Kip who were laughing.

"Guys, knock it off," Chandler said.

"He crapped on a ride," Gandalf said.

"Yeah..but-" Chandler said.

"Well, he is always crapping on our fun," Kip said.

"Really? Guys, come on... he's a good guy. He's put up with a lot from us," Chandler said.

"And then he shits all over us," Gandalf said.

"Alright, I'm gonna go find him. We'll meet you at Pirates of the Caribbean," Chandler said. "Let's just lay off with the jokes, alright? Make fun of me, instead. I can handle it."

Gandalf and Kip exchanged a look and looked back at Chandler. They both nodded in agreement as Chandler ran off, in search of Ross. He soon found Ross standing by Sally.

"Hey, Ross."

"I'm...I'm going home. Open your car so I can change and then...I'm taking a cab to LAX. I'm not staying."

"Come on, stay. It's-"

"Look, Gandalf and Kip are your friends, they aren't mine. I've just been tagging along and now...no, no...I can't stay here and listen to whatever the hell they're gonna say to me."

"I told them to lay off you."

"You think they'll listen?" Ross asked.

"I embarrass myself constantly. I exposed myself on the Statue of Liberty...I got rejected by Snow White, come on...my entire childhood," Chandler grinned.

"Open your car please," Ross said.

Chandler did as told and proceeded to open the the trunk. Ross went around back and grabbed his bag. He opened it and grabbed a pair of jeans and a clean pair of boxers. He walked around towards the backseat when Chandler stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa...where are you going?" Chandler asked.

"Changing. Chandler, I'm not going back in the park to change. Let me in your car...please."

"Okay...okay...but we're throwing out your pants," Chandler said as Ross got in the backseat. Chandler turned around to give Ross some privacy and soon Ross appeared next to him in a clean pair of pants.

"Thank you...and please, do not tell anyone about this. Never tell my sister."

"I won't."

"And-and never tell Rachel either."

"When was the last time you talked to Rachel?" Chandler asked.

"Doesn't matter."

"Okay...well, I will never mention it to Rachel if we ever run into her again because that would mean I'd have to have a conversation with her."

"You know, she's not that bad," Ross said. "And wait...do you like my sister?"

Chandler shook his head. He wouldn't admit that to Ross. Ever.

"No. No...she's nice, but I'm not her type."

"But-"

"I'd have better luck hitting on Snow White again," Chandler said.

"Alright...but you know, Chandler...if something ever did happen between you and my sister, I definitely think you'd be the best guy out there for her," Ross said.

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah," Ross said.

"Wow. Thank you," Chandler said, feeling a little touched by that. "Shall we go back?"

Ross nodded as the two walked back towards the entrance of the park. It took some convincing but they were allowed back in the park and soon met up with Kip and Gandalf.

"Hey, look...it's Pooper Scooper," Gandalf grinned.

Chandler let out a groan. For as much as he liked Kip and Gandalf, they could definitely be jerks at times.

"Guys, you promised you'd lay off him," Chandler said.

"I'm going back to the car," Ross said.

"No...come on, we're at Disneyland. Let's forget this happened...and move on. Okay, please. Look, I wanna enjoy the rest of today. I've never been here. Make fun of me if you want... Maybe I can try to get rejected by another Disney Princess," Chandler said.

Gandalf and Kip both let out loud sighs and nodded in agreement and soon it seemed that it became an unspoken truce for the rest of the trip, no one mentioned what happened with Ross. It was dropped, no pun intended.

The rest of Disneyland amazing to Chandler. It almost made him upset that his dad had bailed back then, but it didn't matter now. He was amazed and almost didn't want to leave, but they had to and eventually drove all the way back to the East coast and Ross' little Disney indiscretion became a secret between the four. No one mentioned it, well, that wasn't entirely true. Kip and Gandalf did tease Ross a bit about it but outside the four of them, it was not mentioned.

When they arrived back in New York, the first person Chandler saw was Monica. He kept thinking of her and when they were back, he took Monica to lunch. While sitting across from her, he realized just how much he missed her. He hated being away from her.

"Thank you for all the postcards. They were sweet," Monica said.

"See...I was thinking of you."

"I know...so what was your favorite place?"

"Disneyland. I had never been. I always wanted to go. My dad had promised me once to take me. But...he bailed. He had a drag show."

"Oh."

"It was so amazing, Mon. The rides and...and it...it was amazing. I hit on Snow White."

"You did?"

"Yep...and got completely rejected."

"You got rejected by Snow White?" Monica asked.

"She turned me down...which I don't think is allowed at Disneyland," Chandler said.

"Did something happen with Ross?" Monica asked.

Chandler shook his head, "no. Why?"

"He was just acting strange when I saw him."

"I don't know...but...okay, those postcards I sent you. Me writing them? Am I now your type?" Chandler asked. It was part of the reason he sent them. He thought by mailing them to her, she'd see. She would finally see how he was indeed her type. Monica looked a little uncomfortable as she stared at him.

"Chandler...I have a boyfriend."

"Named Chandler?"

Monica smiled at him, "look, I do think the world of you...but you're my friend. Nothing will every happen between us. You have a lot of a baggage and I don't know if I can handle all of it."

"Mon-"

"You're my friend."

Chandler could feel his heart break a little. He wanted her so badly. He just wanted her to feel the same back.

"So...then what's his name?"

"Jason. He's nice...he's in one of my cooking classes. I like him. Actually...I've never had a boyfriend before," Monica said.

"You haven't? Chandler asked.

"No...boys never really noticed me before and...it was nice. He asked me to dinner."

"That's good...but you know-"

"It's never gonna happen between us."

"Okay."

"I loved the postcards, though. I'm glad you had a fantastic trip. But you're just not my type."

"I got it," Chandler said. Monica smiled as they continued eating. Monica proceeded to tell him about her summer and asking about his trip. She purposely avoided anymore conversations about this new boyfriend and Chandler was grateful for that. He wasn't sure what it would take for her to realize, for her to see him.

When he got back to the dorm, he saw Kip sitting on the couch in the suite watching television. Chandler plopped down next to him and noticed he was watching a game.

"You alright, you look depressed," Kip said.

"Monica has a boyfriend."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm crazy about that girl. I've never felt that way about anyone. I didn't even feel this way about Lizzie. Monica's just...she's beautiful and perfect. She's absolutely perfect."

"Doesn't she have an eating disorder?" Kip asked.

"She's still perfect."

"Maybe one day she'll notice you."

"I won't hold my breath," Chandler said as he continued watching the game alongside Kip. He couldn't get Monica out of his mind, though. He made a pact to himself. He would get her somehow. Someday she would finally realize it and when she did, well...then Chandler would finally just be happy.


	19. Chapter 19

**May-September 1991**

It was three weeks before graduation. Chandler was now twenty two and could not believe he was officially graduating college. It shocked him to think he had made it this far. Looking back on his life in the past twenty two years, it was no secret that he had lived hard. He had played harder. He wasn't sure what adulthood would bring, not sure what job he could get. He wasn't sure about stand up comedy or being a professional tennis player. He hadn't a clue although he knew he'd have to think and come up with something soon as it seemed Gandalf, Ross and Kip were all coming up with ideas for his future, Ross in particular. He was discussing marriage. He had been talking about marrying Carol ever since they began their senior year of college. When they had all gone to Atlantic City for Ross' twenty first birthday, he had brought Carol along and now as they were nearing the end of their four years, he was talking about it even more.

"Dude...you're gonna ask Carol to marry you? That's retarded, man," Kip said.

"She's the one. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with Carol," Ross said.

"You're twenty two, play the field," Gandalf said.

"Yeah, if you marry Carol...that means you and Coyote will never stand a chance," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...last I heard, Rachel was dating some med student. I think I need to end my Rachel fantasy. It'll never happen," Ross said.

"I think you should consider yourself lucky. I feel nothing but pity for the poor man that ends up with that one," Chandler said.

"You really do hate that girl, don't you?" Gandalf asked.

"She's just one of those people...she's a speck of nothing. She'll never amount to anything...just...if I never see her again, it'll be too soon," Chandler said.

They were driving to breakfast, the four boys. Chandler wasn't driving that fast, at least he didn't think he was. But then there was that turn. That horrible turn. It was a quick turn. He just heard Ross yelling at him to stop and he heard the crash and the car stopped. Chandler looked around at Ross who was staring at him. He had driven Sally inside a house. It was a vacant house, but still a house.

"What the hell did you just do?" Kip asked.

"You killed Sally," Gandalf said.

Sally had had a rough couple of months. She had been rear ended by a little old lady a few weeks earlier and now this. Chandler was frozen. His heart dropping.

"I think we need to evacuate Sally," Ross said.

"I can try to get her out," Chandler said.

"I think she's dead." Ross said.

Chandler looked up as some debris fell onto the car and the four boys immediately jumped out just as a giant chunk of roof fell onto the car, smashing it completely. Chandler stared in horror. All they had wanted to do was have breakfast and perhaps talk Ross out of proposing to Carol but now they were staring at Sally. She had been so good to him and now she was gone.

It took a lot of manpower and a lot more money to get Sally out of the house and move her to a junkyard. There had been some talk about fixing her but it would cost way too much and neither one of his parents would pay. He had asked, he had begged, pleaded, playing every card he could only to be told that he was a grown up now and if he wanted a Corvette... he now had to buy it.

Chandler decided to hold a wake for his car at a bar close to NYU. Ross and Gandalf and Kip came to cheer him up. Monica also decided to show up as well, wearing black as instructed by Chandler. She showed up with her roommates, Jennie, Courtney and Lisa in tow. Monica sat next to him at the bar as he pounded back another whiskey and she ordered herself a scotch on the rocks, with a twist.

"Wow, impressive," Chandler said.

"I'm twenty one now. I turned twenty one two months ago. I can drink," Monica said.

"Yeah, that's true. Hey, you never told me what you did for your twenty first birthday."

Monica opened her mouth and closed it. Chandler noticed as she looked a little uncomfortable.

"It was low key. I just hung out with my roommates. Boring," Monica said.

"Why didn't you call me?" Chandler asked.

"Because I didn't wanna be cleaning up after your drunk ass on my twenty first birthday," Monica said.

"I-I wouldn't have...I'm mourning," Chandler said.

"I understand."

"I even asked my parents to buy me a new Corvette. They owe me a new Corvette after all the crap they put me through."

"You actually asked your parents that?" Monica asked.

"Yes."

"Wow, you are a spoiled, spoiled little man," Monica said.

"I am not."

Monica smiled and shook her head. She took a sip of her drink and looked at him. "So you and Ross are graduating in a few weeks?"

"Yep."

"What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"After graduation? Haven't a clue."

"I thought you wanted to do tennis or stand up."

"I'm not good enough to be professional tennis player and I'm not sure about stand up."

"That's another reason we could never date."

"Why?"

"I could never date a guy who has no direction in life," Monica said.

Chandler let out a snort and sipped his drink more. He wasn't in the mood to hear more about how he could never be the type of guy Monica dated. Sure, he disagreed but he didn't really want to hear it. He had heard it too much.

"Well, then...guess we won't date," Chandler said. Monica was taken aback by that. Chandler looked at her, trying to gauge her reaction.

"Excuse me?"

"Mon, I lost my car and I can't get a new one. I'm upset. I don't wanna think about my future right now...I know you're never gonna date me. You've made that abundantly clear."

"Sorry."

"That's alright."

"No, I am...I'm sorry about Sally. I know you loved that car."

"It made me feel very cool. I was the guy with the Corvette. Now...I miss her."

"Maybe one day you'll get another one. But you know...people didn't like you because you had that car," Monica said.

"Of course they did."

"You really think that?" Monica asked. "Wow...you need to get some self esteem. It was just a car."

"Leave me alone."

"You're in a pleasant mood."

"Where's your boyfriend?" Chandler asked, really wanting to change topics.

"We broke up. A couple days ago. Chandler...look-"

"Really don't wanna hear it," Chandler said as he grabbed his drink and began to walk away when he heard Monica let out a snort behind him.

"Walking away? Shocker."

Chandler shook his head and turned to walk back to Monica. He glared at her as he sat back down.

"You don't know me."

"Yeah, I do. You're a spoiled, entitled rich kid who thinks the world owes him something."

"Hmmm...yeah, you're totally right. I'm some spoiled rich kid. You saw where I lived."

"Yeah, in a huge house with a movie theater and a club."

"Yeah...you definitely know me," Chandler grumbled. "But it shouldn't matter anyway, you're never gonna date me."

"G-d...did someone hurt you as a child?" Monica asked. Chandler let out a breath as he looked at her. He had never told Monica anything about Rick or that guy, Shane. He had told Ross. He knew she meant it in a sarcastic way, but he wondered what would happen if he answered.

"Yes. Several people."

"What?" Monica asked.

"You asked."

"Chandler."

"I'm gonna go over there," Chandler said as he got up and walked over to a table with Kip and Gandalf. Ross and Carol soon joined them, as did Monica although Monica and Chandler barely spoke the rest of the evening. Chandler was not in the mood, feeling upset. He drank until he was sufficiently drunk, figuring it didn't matter now. He had no car.

The next morning, he woke up to someone shaking him. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Monica sitting on his bed with a cup of coffee. He looked around the room, confused.

"Kip let me in your suite. Ross is at Carol's place," Monica said.

"Oh."

"I figured you could use some coffee."

"Thanks," Chandler said as he took the cup and took a sip. He tried to remember the night before but soon gave up.

"Look...about last night..."

"I was sexually assaulted by one of my mom's boyfriends...a guy named, Rick" Chandler said, plainly. While he didn't remember all of last night, he remembered the conversation he had with Monica. The argument they had. Her sarcastic question about whether or not he had been hurt as a child and he wanted to unload. If she wanted to know, he'd tell her.

"What?"

"Another one of my mom's boyfriends gave me LSD once and before I went to boarding school, one of my classmates, this guy named Shane...grabbed me by the dick, threw me to the ground and beat the shit out of me. I lay on the floor of the locker room for eight hours. No one bothered looking for me. So in answer to your question...a lot of people hurt me as a child."

"But you're not a child anymore," Monica said.

"I know."

Monica smiled as she gently stroked his cheek. He could tell she was concerned, the look in her eyes.

"And if you disappeared for eight hours...now... you better believe I'd be making some phone calls," Monica said. "And I'm sorry you've...I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I used to get called names all the time. Monicow...the kids used to try push me to see if they could tip me over. They wouldn't leave me alone and I thought once I lost weight, everything would be different and I guess it is...in a way. Boys notice me now...but what's funny...I'm still the same person. Just thinner...and you're the same person with or without your fancy car."

Chandler placed his coffee cup on the desk behind him and grabbed Monica's hand. He leaned in and kissed her forehead. She smiled at him.

"Would you have been like this with me if I was heavier?" Monica asked.

"Yes."

"Tell me the truth."

"Okay...no...but then I'd be the asshole."

"You're not an asshole. But I hope one day, you're able to put all this behind you and be happy."

"Are you happy, Mon?" Chandler asked. "You always ask me that. Are you happy?"

"Right now? With you...yeah."

He smiled as he leaned towards her, slowly inching his way towards her lips. She never stopped him when he tried to do this, instead let him place his lips on to hers, pressing gently. When they separated, she smiled at him.

"You do like me," Chandler said.

"It doesn't matter," Monica said, shaking her head.

Chandler nodded as Monica quietly sat back on his bed, resting her head against the wall. Chandler reached for his coffee and sipped some more as he watched her. He turned so he sat beside her, both silently drinking coffee.

"Can we watch a movie?" Monica asked.

He once again nodded as he slowly got up. He reached for her hand. Monica grabbed it and let him gently pull her off the bed. Still clutching their coffees, they walked into the common area of the suite and Monica plopped herself down on the couch. Chandler walked over to a shelf filled with movies, his movies.

"I just got _When Harry Met Sally_," Chandler said.

"I love that movie. Do you think that's true? Can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way?" Monica asked.

"No."

"I think it's true. I think men and women can be friends without sex getting in the way. I mean, you and I are friends and-"

"And you don't think we'll ever have sex?" Chandler asked.

"That's not what I meant."

"Let's not talk about this anymore...please?" Chandler asked.

"Fine."

Chandler popped the movie into the VCR and pressed play. He took his seat next to Monica as she cuddled up next to him. He loved this movie as well.

"You know...you remind me of Harry," Monica said.

"I do?"

"Yep...cynical, funny...and a little angry."

"Well, then you are definitely Sally. Anal, positive...anal."

Monica laughed as she playfully smacked him. He held her closer to him as they continued to watch.

"You know they get together at the end. Harry and Sally. They get together at the end. So if I'm Harry and you're Sally-"

"We're not at the end yet, Chandler."

"Right."

They continued watching and drinking their coffee. As he sat there, a new thought entered his mind. Graduation was coming up. What would happen to him and Monica after that? What would happen to him? He started to get worried, a little afraid that as soon as he graduated, as soon as it was announced that he was part of the Class of 1991, it would be the last time he would ever see Monica Geller.

Soon that day arrived, he stood in his cap and gown amongst all the other grads and he had officially finished school. He had no job and no prospects. Nothing yet and he had no clue what he would do next. Gandalf had gotten a job, an actual job at an advertising firm in Dallas. Kip was moving into an apartment on Bedford with his brother and Ross...Ross proposed to Carol. It happened the night before the graduation ceremony. Ross had taken Carol out and told her he wanted to spend his life with her. Everyone else was moving forward. changing. Chandler had no plans.

After graduation which his parents did not attend, there was a party at the Geller home. Jack and Judy Geller were throwing a graduation party for their son. Chandler was invited. He remained quiet sitting on the couch of the Geller house watching Jack and Judy fawn all over Ross. Monica plopped down next to him and handed him a drink.

"It is disgusting, isn't it?" Monica asked.

"What is?"

"The way my parents adore Ross. Although, hey...your friend, Kip...he's gonna be my neighbor next year," Monica said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"My grandmother has an apartment on Bedford and she's moving to Florida, so me and my friend, Jennie are moving in. Kip and his brother are moving into the apartment next door," Monica said.

"Weird," Chandler said, wondering why Kip had left that part out of the story when he had told Chandler he had found this amazing apartment right above a bar. He had said nothing about Monica moving in next door. He wondered if Kip had known that? Ross would have known. Ross would have said something...at least he hoped so.

Chandler began to feel more and more uncomfortable in the Geller home, so he decided to go back to his house. After saying goodbye to Monica and Ross, he drove back to his house, parked and went downstairs to the club where his mom was having a party. It was packed as Chandler walked in, grabbed a drink and sat at one of the booths. Nora noticed him from across the room and walked over to him.

"My college graduate," Nora said.

"Yeah...where were you?" Chandler asked.

"You wouldn't have wanted me there. But you're here and celebrate...have a drink," Nora said.

Chandler smiled and did as told. It felt strangely familiar, being back in that house. He had been away for so long and now he had very little. He had a degree but no job, no prospects, no place to go. He figured now that college had ended, his relationship with Monica and Ross would end as well. He barely spoke to anyone he went to high school with and he figured the same would happen to his friendships with Monica and Ross.

For the next few months, he cut himself off completely. He did not reach out to Monica or Ross or Kip or anyone. He spent his days doing what he had always loved, watching movies alone in that theater and drinking. College was finished and he would figure out what he'd have to do now and he had assumed or hoped that Monica and Ross would forget about him.

It shocked him when they appeared in his house around September. He had been holed up in his theater, watching movies when Monica and Ross suddenly appeared on either side of him and plopped down next to him.

"So, is this your life plan?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, why have you not returned any of my calls?" Ross asked.

"I've been busy," Chandler said.

"Doing what?" Ross asked.

"Important things," Chandler said.

"Well, first...you never gave me an answer," Ross said.

"To what?" Chandler asked.

"Are you gonna be my Best Man or not?" Ross asked.

"I don't-"

"You're my Best Man. You're my best friend...and you need to get a job," Ross said.

"You do need to get a job," Monica said. "Look, this...you're twenty two. Time to grow up."

"Leave me alone," Chandler said.

"No...you know what...you complain to me how you're all alone well, you're making it so you're all alone. Get off your ass and do something," Monica said.

"Fine, I'll be your Best Man, Ross" Chandler said.

"And will you come over for dinner tonight?" Monica asked.

"I can't," Chandler said.

"Come over for dinner...see the new place. It's apartment 20 on Bedford," Monica said.

Chandler let out a groan and reluctantly agreed. Before they left, Monica gave him directions and told him to show up or else. So he did, he got dressed and made his way over to Bedford Street in the village.

Monica lived on the sixth floor and when he reached the hall, he saw Kip and his brother, Brad walk out of apartment 19. Chandler smiled when he saw them and quickly exchanged a hug with Kip.

"Dude, where have you been? You've been a hermit," Kip said.

"Yeah, Monica forced me to come," Chandler said.

"She has an amazing apartment," Kip said.

"Her roommate is hot too," Brad said.

Kip walked towards the door to apartment 20 and opened it. Chandler was amazed by how big it was. It was purple and very decorated. Monica was standing in the kitchen while Carol, Jennie and Ross were sitting in the living room looking at wedding magazines. Monica seemed thrilled Chandler was there and at first Chandler felt happy to be there but as the evening wore on, he noticed something. He was the odd one out. There was Carol and Ross, Brad and Jennie and Monica and it seemed, Kip. Monica hadn't mentioned anything and neither had Kip but it seemed Kip stayed by Monica's side the entire time. Chandler's heart sank every single time he watched Kip touch Monica. He soon felt very unwanted and decided to make a quick exit. So soon after dinner, he said he had to leave. He walked down the six flights and took a cab back to his home where he vowed he would never speak to Monica or Ross again. He was not part of that group, he was alone and that's how it would stay. After all, no one could hurt him if he was alone.


	20. Chapter 20

**September 1991-June 1992**

Chandler completely separated himself after that dinner with Monica, Kip, Ross, Carol, Kip's brother, Brad and Monica's roommate, Jennie. He had figured that they were now a group, close friends, couples. They didn't need him around anymore. He would be the single and he didn't want to be the single. He stayed home. Spending his days in the house, watching movies in the theater. His mom left for stretches to promote her newest book and he was alone every day. He lived far enough away from Monica, Ross or anyone else that he knew the chances of running into them were slim. Sure, they tried reaching out. Monica had a Halloween party and called Chandler to invite him. He never returned her call. Thanksgiving came and went and Chandler spent it eating mac and cheese one of the maids had made for him. Christmas and New Years were spent much the same way. He was alone. He counted down to 1992 by watching it on television. He didn't want to be surrounded by the couples on New Years.

He felt that was how he would spend his life, not doing anything. No one seemed to have an issue with it and he decided, neither would he. It wasn't until his twenty third birthday when he saw them again, well just Monica. It was now April of 1992 and Chandler was sitting alone as he had for almost the past seven months. He was sitting cake and watching his favorite comedies when Monica suddenly appeared beside him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Monica asked.

Chandler looked, a little stunned to see her standing there. No one had visited him in so long, he just figured they'd eventually forget about him.

"Celebrating my birthday," Chandler said.

Monica let out a snort as she ran her hands through her hair and glared at him. He could tell she was about ready to snap at him but he wasn't sure how much he cared.

"Okay, first off...my brother is getting married in a month and you're the worst Best Man ever. You missed his engagement party...you missed-"

"I'm still his Best Man?" Chandler asked, confused. He hadn't spoken to Ross in seven months. Sure, Ross had called a lot, but Chandler had avoided the calls hoping that Ross would take the hint and move on.

"Surprisingly, yes. I tried to convince Ross that maybe someone else should be it because clearly you're not interested and are obviously doing far more important things," Monica said, motioning from him to the movie screen. Chandler kept staring at Monica.

"How's Kip?" Chandler asked.

"What? Kip is fine...what does-"

"You're dating him, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, then Kip should be Ross' Best Man."

Monica's eyes got so wide, for a moment, Chandler thought her eyeballs would pop out of her head. He knew he was being a bit of a jerk, but he didn't care all that much.

"Stop being such an idiot. This is what you're gonna do with the rest of your life? You're gonna sit in here and watch movies all day. Get a job, Chandler. Any job."

"Why are you here?" Chandler asked asked.

"'Cause for some strange reason I actually care about you and I...and I also care about my brother and I wanna make sure his wedding goes well and for some reason, he is adamant about having you as the Best Man and I don't want him to be let down. So this means you have to throw him a bachelor party and you have to show up. You haven't even RSVPed yet. Do you have any idea how rude you're being?" Monica asked. "And Ross keeps saying that you'll come around. But I'm not gonna wait anymore because if you don't show at my brother's wedding-"

Chandler started to get annoyed, hearing Monica's voice. He had barely spoken to her since that party she had forced him to attend in her apartment in the village and now there she was, yelling at him. He got up and began to walk out of the theater, wanting to leave her.

"Walking away...doing what Chandler Bing does best. Keep walking away, buddy and you're not solving a goddamn thing. Maybe Rachel was right. You are a loser," Monica yelled. Chandler stopped and turned to glare at her. He could feel the rage boiling up inside him. He was never one to lose his temper, but at that moment, he snapped.

"You're dating him. You are dating Kip. Kip knows I like you, you know I like you...but you're never gonna date me so you'll date Kip...and I don't wanna go to a fucking party to watch you make out with Kip."

"Kip has direction in life. He works hard, he doesn't waste his life and you know what, you could have gotten me. You could've made it easier for me to like you like that. You make it too fucking hard to be you friend."

"You need to stop...okay, I'm not part of your family, Monica. I'm not a Geller. You don't want me around. You just...or maybe you do want me around so you can keep telling me what's wrong with me. So maybe I'm making it hard because I want you to take a hint a realize that I don't want to be your friend. I can make that choice, I'm a grown up."

"Not quite. Here's what I need you to do," Monica said. Chandler shook his head as Monica was clearly ignoring him. She continued, "Three things...first, you need to get yourself a tux. The wedding is in a month. I will call the place where Kip got his tux and order yours as well. I'll put yours on hold...you also need to throw my brother a bachelor party...or I will call up a place and you can take credit...you also need to also show up at the wedding. That is what you need to to do. No arguments."

"You're not my mother."

"Thank G-d...and you know what, I will never be your girlfriend either" Monica said before turning and walking towards the doors. She looked back at him, still glaring, "bachelor party in the next month and I will see you at the wedding. If you don't then you're on your own. I will never speak to you again and you can count on that."

And with that, she stormed out of the theater. Chandler shook his head as he watched her. He returned to his seat and continued to watch the movie, but for the first time in a long time, he could not concentrate. He was actually finding himself getting bored. He had had hardly any human contact in seven months and seeing Monica reinforced that. He used to be okay with that, okay with being alone but now he wasn't so sure and now Monica was angry at him. He got up, paused the movie and walked into the kitchen. He picked up the phone and dialed Ross' phone number. Ross had left tons of messages for him in the past seven months and while Chandler had not returned the calls, he had memorized the phone number.

"Hey...how do you feel about the Pizza Hut?" Chandler asked when Ross finally picked up.

"Chandler...is this you?" Ross asked.

"Yeah...look...I'm sorry I've been MIA. I've been really busy."

"Sure. I missed you man. You're still my Best Man, right? You're still coming."

"Yeah."

"Dude...you know, I'm still your friend. Kip is still your friend. Monica is still your friend. You have friends," Ross said.

"I know."

"I don't get it."

"What don't you get?" Chandler asked.

"For four years, all I heard was how much you hated that house. How your parents screwed you over...how your mom just made you miserable and how you couldn't wait to get out and you did for eight years. High school and college...and now you're back living in the place you so badly wanted to escaped from. Have you worked in a seven months? Have you gone out on a date? What have you done?"

Chandler let out a sigh, not wanting to discuss any of this, "who do you wanna invite to your bachelor party?"

"Where's it gonna be?" Ross asked.

"The basement of the Pizza Hut near NYU," Chandler said. It had been the first place that had popped into his head. Chandler, Kip, Gandalf and Ross had had plenty of meals there over there over the four years and in the basement, there was a game room.

"Sounds classy."

"I guess."

"I'm counting on you to not let me down, Bing. You're my best friend and I'm not letting you hit the bottom."

"You consider me your best friend?"

"Yes. I mean, I don't have a lot of them...but I'm lucky. I got one."

"Well...you have Kip and Gandalf."

"They're your friends, not mine."

"So I shouldn't invite them."

"No, invite 'em...and I'll invite some guys from work but know the only real friend that I'm gonna have there is you."

That hit Chandler, hard. He felt like shit hearing those words. No one had really stuck by him like that. He was surprised Ross was still expecting him at the wedding, expecting him to be the Best Man and hold a bachelor party for him. It hurt him, knowing he had been so intent on blowing Ross off yet Ross wasn't willing to let go of the friendship. He wondered if this is what Monica had been like with Rachel, bound and determined to not give up but Rachel had cut ties, severed them. Chandler had been trying to sever his ties with the Geller's as well, but it seemed like the Geller's refused to let him go. He wasn't sure why they were holding on so tightly, but as he got off the phone that day, he made a few calls not wanting to let Ross down.

The basement of the Pizza Hut had been decorated...slightly. There were streamers up and pitchers of beer and a lot pizzas. Guys were playing arcade games and cheering on Ross, the bachelor. Chandler sat at a table with Kip and Gandalf who had flown in from Dallas. They were each drinking a beer, watching as Ross was playing air hockey with one of his co-workers from the museum he worked at.

"So you've been MIA forever...what have you been doing?" Gandalf asked.

"Hanging out," Chandler said.

"He's been a hermit," Kip said.

Chandler glared at him. He used to like Kip but now, now hehated Kip, hated that he was dating Monica.

"Kip's dating Monica," Chandler said.

"You are? Oh, that's cold, man. Wasn't that the girl Chandler had a hard on for," Gandalf said.

"Yeah, I thought it was a dick move too," Chandler said.

"You weren't dating her and she's not interested in you like that," Kip said.

"Now she never will be," Chandler said.

"I'm not arguing with you now. If she wanted to be with you, she would have been. She chose me, deal with it instead of locking yourself away in your parents house for seven like some sort of freak," Kip said.

"I'm gonna punch you in the head," Chandler said.

"Guys, come on. Not now," Gandalf said.

Chandler tried to enjoy himself, but it was tough. He played a few rounds of air hockey and foosball with Ross. He laughed and shared stories with Gandalf but the thought that at the end of the evening, he'd be going home alone hung over him like a cloud. He would be going back to the darkened theater and watch movies while Ross went home to Carol, Gandalf went to the airport to fly back to Dallas and Kip would be with Monica. He would going home, kissing her, holding her and telling her what a big loser Chandler was, at least that's what he thought. He hated every moment of this. He just wanted to curl up and die or be left alone to die.

The wedding of Ross and Carol took place in mid-May, a few weeks after that bachelor party. Chandler was reluctant to go, but he had done what Monica had asked of him. He felt like an outsider though and he knew that once the wedding was over, Chandler would be cut out of the group for good. There would be no reason for him to be part of it anymore. Yes, Ross had called him his best friend and all that but after the wedding, Chandler was curious how long that promise was last. He figured it would not last at all.

Since he was the Best Man and Monica was Carol's Maid of Honor, they were to walk down the aisle together. They had not really spoken since that fight in Chandler's house on his birthday. So now they stood, silently, arms linked as they waited.

"I'm glad you showed up," Monica said.

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't miss this...are you ready? It's the last time you will ever walk down the aisle with me," Chandler said.

"So dramatic."

The music began as the two proceeded to walk arm and arm down the aisle, together. It felt strange to him, walking down the aisle with Monica on his arm. It felt strangely right. He looked over at Monica who was smiling. She was wearing a deep purple dress and looked stunning. The purple in her dress matched his purple tie. It struck him how strangely perfect they fit. When they reached the front, they separated, with Monica standing behind Carol and Chandler standing behind Ross. Throughout the ceremony, he kept glancing at Monica who in turn kept smiling at him. He kept thinking of the movie they had watched together, _When Harry Met Sally_ and there was a part of him, despite all the craziness, that hoped that one day Monica would be the Sally to his Harry.

After the ceremony, Chandler found himself sitting with Kip and Monica. Every single time Kip touched Monica, he had to resist the urge to punch him. Monica kept giggling every single time Kip kissed her on the cheek, watching them be affectionate was just too much for him.

"I'm gonna have to find a new roommate," Kip mused.

Chandler shook his head, not really paying attention to the conversation. They had apparently moved from making out with each other in front of him to discussing roommates.

"I know. Me too," Monica said.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"Brad and Jennie have both decided move out and look for a place of their own...together," Monica said.

"And Monica doesn't want me moving in," Kip grinned.

"No, I'm not living with a boy until I'm engaged or at least know I'm gonna get engaged," Monica said.

"We're twenty two, twenty three years old," Kip said.

"Still." Monica said. "I have to find a new roommate. Although, Chandler...why don't you be Kip's roommate?"

"I don't know. I don't think so," Chandler said.

"Are you gonna stay at your parents?" Monica said.

"No, I just-"

"He doesn't have a job. I'd rather have a roommate who has one of those," Kip said.

"Fuck you," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Monica admonished.

"I'm gonna go," Chandler said, not being able to handle staying there anymore. He needed to leave, go somewhere. Monica let out an annoyed sigh.

"Can I talk to you, please," Monica said.

"I don't wanna talk," Chandler said.

"You never do...talk to me, please," Monica said.

Chandler rolled his eyes and stood up, Monica followed and grabbed his arm. She pulled him outside of the room and turned to stare at him. She was angry, Chandler could tell that much.

"You're trying very hard to show that you don't wanna be part of our group and I see that...but you're failing. You are my best friend and-"

"No, no...okay, I don't wanna be near you two."

"Chandler, come on."

"What do you see in Kip?" Chandler asked.

"He's nice."

"He...he went after you."

"I'm not a prize to be won or got. Look, I want you back in our group. I don't like...I get worried and-and scared. I've barely seen you in the last seven months and I keep thinking...remember you told me how you gotten beaten up and left for dead basically in junior high? How no one looked for you for eight hours. That scared the hell out of me. I need you in my life, Chandler. I don't want to see you die. I don't want you vanishing...I like you, I do. I'm sorry about Kip...it just happened. But if you're living across the hall, at least I know you're safe," Monica said, her eyes filling with tears. It was the second time one of the Geller's had shocked him. It was so bizarre to him.

"Why do you and Ross care so much about me?" Chandler asked.

"'Cause...well, Ross thinks you're the reason he had friends in college. The reason he had fun in college and me...I care about you. You're a complete mess and I wanna take care of you. Maybe I wanna fix you, I don't know...but I want you in my life. It's more fun if you're in it. You're my Harry."

Chandler smiled as he looked at her. It felt so bizarre to him, to have someone want him or to not only have one person wanted him in their lives but two. It all seemed so strange to him and he had tried to push them away, he knew that. He had tried to cut them out, Monica and Ross, but they both refused it seemed to let him go.

He arrived back at his home later that evening and still in his tux, took out _When Harry Met Sally _and began to watch the movie. He couldn't concentrate. He kept thinking about Monica and what she had said. He began to seriously contemplate being Kip's roommate. He did like Kip or at least used to and he didn't believe his relationship with Monica would last. Chandler felt without a doubt in his mind that she was the Sally to his Harry. It might be nice and he was now twenty three. When he was younger, it had taken being beaten to get him to make a move but maybe now even though he hadn't been literally been beaten, he was metaphorically worn out. He needed to make a move, somewhere.

The next few weeks, he kept scanning the papers for job listings in the city. Instead of going to watch movies all day, he kept looking up places to work and calling his old professors to see if they knew anything. It was one of his old business professors that had recommended Smithson Lovell. It was a data processing firm. He had never thought of this as a possible job. It seemed so stuffy to him. He would be doing statistical analysis and all this other stuff that involved numbers. He had always been good at that. The professor had set up an interview for him and he was shocked when he actually got the job as a junior data processor. He was pretty positive he did not want to be doing this for the rest of his life, but it was a step and he made good money.


	21. Chapter 21

**June 1992 **

It was early June when he stopped by Monica's apartment to tell her about the job. He had already told Kip that he would be moving into the spare room in apartment 19. He liked the room, loved the apartment and it felt nice to actually get away from that big lonely house. Sure, he wasn't too crazy about living with Kip, but Monica was right. He did need to start growing up.

"So, you're a data processor? What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Processing crap," Chandler said.

"Sounds fantastic," Monica said.

"At least he finally has a job," Ross said.

Chandler smiled. It constantly amazed him just how much he liked being with the Geller's. Monica and Ross just seemed to push him and the fact that he knew they would never give up on him made him feel a lot better.

"Thanks for the push, guys," Chandler said. "So, how's married life, Ross? I never asked."

"'Cause you don't care," Ross said.

"I care," Chandler said.

"It's fine...it's just...well...see...Carol and I are-"

"They haven't sex in four months," Monica said.

"You told your sister that?" Chandler asked, a little stunned.

"It made me a little sad that he felt the need to tell me that too," Monica said.

"Well, I could've told you...but you because a hermit for the past seven months ," Ross said.

Chandler let out a snort. It did feel strange being there and hanging out with Monica and Ross socially again. But he knew it was right, what he was doing. He had to grow up. As they were sitting there, the phone rang. Monica reached over and grabbed it.

"Hello?" Monica asked. "Oh, okay...yeah...definitely. Okay. Ten minutes. Great." Monica hung up the phone and looked at Chandler and Ross. "A girl is coming up in ten minutes to see my apartment."

"Why didn't she make an appointment?" Ross asked.

"She just did," Monica said.

"Calling you ten minutes ahead of time is not enough advance notice," Ross said.

"Ross."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Ross has had an issue with every roommate candidate," Monica said.

"You have to be careful," Ross said.

"Go home and have sex with your wife and leave me the hell alone," Monica said which made Chandler laugh.

About ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Monica ran to the door and opened it. On the other side was a tall girl with long blonde hair.

"Hi, I'm Monica."

"I'm Phoebe."

"Come on in," Monica said.

When Monica stepped aside to let Phoebe in, Chandler's eyes grew wide. He recognized her instantly. It was the girl, the girl from the subway. The girl from the movie. It was her. She was looking for an apartment? Phoebe looked at him and caught his glance immediately. She looked away from him, seemingly nervous.

"Oh, Phoebe. This is my brother Ross and this is Ross' friend, Chandler."

"I'm your friend too," Chandler said.

"It really depends on the day," Monica said.

"You're so kind," Chandler said, letting out a snort. He knew she would probably be giving him a hard time for awhile given how he had tried so hard not to be their friend and he didn't really mind.

"So Phoebe, where are you from?" Ross asked.

"New York...upstate," Phoebe said.

Chandler shook his head, concentrating now only on Phoebe. She was tall, her long blonde hair reaching down to her waist. For the first time, he really took in her appearance. Phoebe was wearing mismatched clothes, her hair stringy. She did look a little homeless. He was kinda glad he no longer spoke to Lizzie anymore, figuring he'd definitely owe her money.

"Let me show you the apartment-" Monica said.

"It's really big though," Phoebe said.

"Rent control...and illegal subletting," Monica said.

"Monica," Ross admonished.

"What? Alright...this is a kitchen. I'm a chef. I cook a lot so don't worry about food. Oh and Ross and Chandler are here way too much. I hope you don't mind."

"No."

Monica's statement that Chandler and Ross were there too much threw Chandler for a bit of a loop. He knew Monica was lying, he had not hung out in Monica's apartment in seven months. But now, there he was, I guess it was easier than telling the Phoebe girl the truth.

"Great...now this is the living room, the balcony...out there.. My room is over there by the window and this would be your room," Monica said walking towards an empty bedroom.

"Wow," Phoebe said.

"So Phoebe, where are you living now?" Ross asked.

Chandler looked over at Ross and his smile grew broader. He noticed Phoebe staring straight at him, looking scared. He could not wait to hear her answer. What would she tell Ross? This was almost too much for him.

"Um...I live by the Port Authority bus terminal," Phoebe offered.

"Oh, yeah...there are some really nice apartments down there," Chandler said, almost immediately.

"Yeah, there are," Phoebe smiled at him, breathing a sigh of relief that it seemed only Chandler caught. He knew she was freaked he would say something but he had no intention of selling her out.

"Do you have references? Oh, also...what do you do for a living?" Ross asked.

"Ross, please. You said you were going to let me interview perspective roommates on my own," Monica said. "Trust me, I'm not going to choose a murderer as a roommate."

"Although, I bet they'd have some great carving knives," Chandler mused.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"You're a chef," Chandler said.

"Actually, I'm graduating next week from The New York Institute of Massage. I'm going to be a masseuse," Phoebe said, looking back at Chandler.

That made him smile. He felt actually happy, strangely happy. She was graduating? When he had done what he had done, he had done it to impress Monica although he had never told Monica that he had used his trust fund to pay for this blonde girl's education. Monica didn't even know he was a trust fund kid. He had done it to impress Monica, to show he wasn't self absorbed. He hadn't even taken into consideration that Phoebe would actually take advantage of the opportunity. That she would get herself through school and now be looking for a home. He felt strangely proud. He never felt proud of someone else but with Phoebe standing there, he could not stop grinning. He had done that. He had helped.

"So you're unemployed? How did you manage to pay rent in the apartments near Port Authority? A studio is like two grand a month and-" Ross said.

"Ross...go downstairs and get a drink, please or go home to your wife," Monica said.

"Come on, man. I trust Monica," Chandler said getting up and patting Ross on the shoulder. Ross let out an annoyed sigh and got up. He followed Chandler towards the door, before Chandler left, he turned back towards Phoebe and smiled. Phoebe was still looking at him. He really hoped Monica would invite Phoebe to live with her.

Ross and Chandler headed down to the bar, grabbed a table and ordered a couple beers. They sat across from each other, Ross rambling on about this homeless girl.

"Monica cannot have a homeless girl live with her. That's just weird," Ross said.

"She managed to get herself through school," Chandler said.

"How?"

"I don't know. Maybe she had help."

"Something just seems off."

"Give her a chance. She seems kinda cool," Chandler said.

"Maybe...I don't know...congrats on your new job by the way."

"I had to get one, eventually. Right? And it's a temporary job. One I can do until I figure out what I really wanna do."

"I'm happy you're living with Kip. I care about you man."

"Thanks...and I'm sorry you haven't had sex in four months. Wait...does that mean you didn't do it on your wedding night?"

"Nope."

"Man...wow, Pizza Hut was definitely the wrong thing to do for your bachelor party."

Ross let out a snort as Monica soon ran over to them, a huge grin on her face. She seemed almost giddy as she sat at the table with them.

"I have a new roommate. Her name is Phoebe Buffay," Monica said.

"You cannot have Phoebe as your roommate. This seems so ridiculous," Ross said.

"She's graduating from school and...she's so sweet and-and-it's amazing. She was homeless and she got her GED and now is going to be a licensed masseuse. That's incredible and she's twenty four and was homeless for ten years. I wanna help her, I wanna get her on her feet. I don't think she's some sort of psychotic killer. She seems too sweet to be a psycho killer," Monica said.

"I think she would be an awesome roommate...it would give me someone to play with when you bang Kip," Chandler said.

"Classy...and if you're gonna be roommates with Kip, you have to be nice to him," Monica said.

"I moved out of my parents house and got a job. Baby steps," Chandler said.

"Fine. I can't wait...and I wanna see her graduate. We have to go," Monica said.

"I wanna go too," Chandler said.

"You do?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...it would...I really wanna see that."

"How did she pay for school?" Ross said.

"Maybe she had help? Financial Aid...or actually, maybe I paid for it," Chandler remarked, purposely making it sound sarcastic just to gauge their reactions which was laughter.

"You did not," Ross said.

"Seriously, I did," Chandler said, grinning.

"Yeah...that would mean you were caring about someone else besides yourself," Monica said.

Chandler slowly nodded his head as he took a sip of his beer, "yeah...you're right. I'd never do that."

He continued listening as Monica and Ross argued about Phoebe. Chandler didn't say much though. He kept thinking about Phoebe too. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn't paid for her education. He was amazed that she was actually graduating. When he got home that night, he felt he was seeing things for the first time. He had helped someone change her life. He had helped a homeless girl get off the streets and he actually wanted to keep that to himself. He wanted to hold onto that feeling forever. Kip could have Monica, Ross could have Carol...but Chandler felt he had something far more important. He had saved someone.

A few weeks later, Ross, Monica and Chandler sat side by side watching Phoebe graduate from The New York Institute of Massage. Carol had a meeting and Kip had work, so it was just the three of them. As Chandler sat watching her grinning, he knew he had caused that. He had helped Phoebe graduate. He was responsible and he felt himself getting choked up.

"Are you crying?" Monica asked.

"I just think it's amazing," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...who knew you could feel that deeply for someone else?" Monica said.

"I certainly didn't," Chandler said. He couldn't bring himself to seriously tell Monica about how he had paid for Phoebe's education. He just felt that would take away from Phoebe and he didn't want that.

He could not take his eyes off the blonde girl sitting on stage and he remembered that time so long ago when he had paid for that movie for them. He thought she was cute, but now he just thought she was inspirational.

After the ceremony, Chandler, Monica and Ross went looking for Phoebe and saw her standing with a group of people, talking and pointing to her degree. She kept looking over at the the three of them and turned to say something to her friends before making her way towards them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Phoebe asked.

"You said you were graduating and I wanted to see my roommate graduate," Monica said.

"Thank you, Monica," Phoebe said.

"Congratulations," Monica said as she hugged Phoebe.

"And...Ross," Phoebe began, looking at him and flashing a grin,"are you here to see if I was telling the truth and not some crazy, psycho killer?"

"Hey, now...I believed you," Ross said.

"No, you didn't," Chandler said.

Ross let out a snort and shook his head. He leaned over to give Phoebe a hug, "I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just-"

"It's alright," Phoebe said.

"It's a pretty awesome thing that you graduated. You beat the odds. Congrats...although, I bet those student loans are gonna be killers to pay back," Ross said.

"She doesn't want to think about that now," Monica said.

Chandler noticed Phoebe look at him with a smile, "I think...I'll be okay," She said.

"Yeah, I think you will be," Chandler said as Phoebe leaned into hug him. As she leaned close, she whispered, "thank you" into his ear and he responded with, "you're welcome." The way Phoebe looked at him, Chandler knew she wanted to say something, but she was stopped by Monica.

"Oh, Phoebe...I wanted to ask you, where are you sleeping tonight?" Monica asked.

"My friend Sue Ellen's apartment. We're going to celebrate by drinking a lot-"

"The only way to go," Chandler mused.

"You guys can come," Phoebe said.

Chandler did want to take her up on that but it seemed Monica had other ideas.

"No, no...you celebrate. We're gonna run some errands, but when do you think can come by the apartment?" Monica asked.

"I can come by tomorrow. When do you want me moving in?" Phoebe asked.

"Come by tomorrow evening...and you can move in then. Okay, boys...come on, we have to run some errands," Monica said.

"But...but I wanna celebrate," Chandler said, whining slightly.

"You didn't graduate," Monica said.

Chandler raised an eyebrow and looked at Monica, "I graduated. I graduated college."

"Like a year ago," Monica said, giving him a look.

"The party never stopped," Chandler grinned.

Monica let out a sigh as Chandler laughed, knowing he was pushing a little too far. But it was something he never grew tired of, trying to make Monica mad.

"Let's go jackasses," Monica said before hugging Phoebe again, "I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Great, thanks for coming," Phoebe said.

Monica turned to walk off as Chandler and Ross followed. Chandler kept looking back at Phoebe though as Monica kept giving them instructions. He was actually finally feeling very excited, happy he was moving in with Kip. He couldn't wait to get a chance alone with Phoebe as he had a feeling, she couldn't wait to talk to him.

The next night, Monica was having a dinner. Chandler was happy that there was finally another single person there. At least he hoped Phoebe was single. He wanted nothing more than someone to play with. He hated watching Kip and Monica together in the kitchen and Carol and Ross on the couch. He felt excited, like he was getting a friend and he couldn't think of anyone better than Phoebe. He barely knew her but he felt she would probably know more than anyone how to have a good time.

When Phoebe finally arrived, Monica was ecstatic which Chandler found quite adorable. While both Kip and Ross still made comments about how Monica was inviting a homeless chick to live with her, it made Chandler love Monica more. She really did love to take care of people. She took care of him and now she would be taking care of Phoebe.

"Everyone, this is my new roommate Phoebe. Phoebe, you already met Chandler and Ross. That's Carol, my sister in law and...this is my boyfriend, Kip," Monica said.

"Hi," Phoebe said.

"Come here, I wanna show you your room," Monica said, grabbing Phoebe's arm and pulling her off towards her new room. Chandler watched the two women standing in the doorway of Phoebe's new room.

"You furnished my room?" Phoebe asked.

"We all pitched in," Monica said. "I figured...if you're going to be my roommate, you need a bed and...I don't know what kind of shampoo and conditioner you use or toothpaste...or toothbrush, but I bought you toiletries. They're under the sink."

"I don't even know what to say," Phoebe said.

"Welcome home," Monica said.

"Thank you," Phoebe said.

"Oh, I'm going to check on dinner. I hope you don't mind. I know you're a vegetarian so I made some veggie lasagna but I also made some meat lasagna because the rest of us aren't," Monica said.

"That's fine," Phoebe said.

Chandler watched as Monica walked out of the room and Phoebe walked in. He kept wondering what Phoebe must be thinking. But soon his attention was shifted to Kip and Monica standing in the kitchen. This was going to be tough, living with Kip. It was going to be tough watching them.

"I need to give you my phone number," Phoebe grinned.

Chandler smiled as Phoebe sat down next to him.

"You do...and I need to give you my numbers. Well, the dorm number is old and I don't have the pager anymore. Actually, I'm moving in next door. I'm gonna be Kip's roommate."

"Oh," Phoebe said.

Chandler's attention turned back to Monica. He watched as Kip wrapped his arm around Monica and placed a kiss on the top of her head. It took all of his strength to not get up and punch Kip in the head.

"You like her," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked. "Who?"

Phoebe nodded off towards Monica. He gave her a look and shook his head. How did she know that?

"You do, you like her," Phoebe said.

"No, I don't."

"Okay."

"I don't."

"I know."

Chandler shifted a little uncomfortably as he drank from his beer. Phoebe smiled at him and gently patted him on the back. It made him feel strange that Phoebe had seen right through him, picked up immediately that he liked Monica but he knew that those feelings would have to be buried if he was going to live with Kip.

Dinner was surprisingly fun, he hadn't expected that, but the person who made it fun was Phoebe. While Ross and Carol were talking and Monica and Kip seemed engrossed in each other, Phoebe and Chandler could not stop making each other laugh. Phoebe had really been homeless for ten years and when she told him she had not seen a movie since the movie they saw together, he was shocked. She had no clue who Charlie Chaplin was or Buster Keaton or Laurel and Hardy. She had never seen a Monty Python movie or _Spaceballs_. Chandler decided that maybe his job wasn't over, he'd had have to show Phoebe everything she'd missed in ten years and Phoebe seemed completely on board with that.

After dinner, Kip suggested that they go downstairs to the bar. Ross and Carol declined saying they would be going back home to their apartment. Chandler teased Ross a little, telling him that maybe tonight would be the end of the four month dry spell. Ross glared at him as they left. Once in the bar, Monica and Kip went off to play pool leaving Chandler and Phoebe alone. Chandler fell quiet again, wondering what Kip and Monica were doing as they disappeared near a back room but then decided perhaps he did not want to know.

"So tell me...what is four months? Ross said it's been four months?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, Ross and his wife are going through a dry spell," Chandler said as he downed another beer.

"Wow..."

"I've been going through a dry spell for years," Chandler said.

"Are you always this down on yourself."

"Yep."

"You shouldn't be," Phoebe said.

"Ehhh," Chandler said. Phoebe had no clue and he wasn't about to get into it with a girl he just met.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Phoebe asked.

"Hmmm," Chandler said, shaking his head. He knew what she was asking, but he wasn't sure he wanted to admit it, but Phoebe pressed on.

"You were my secret donor. You were the one who went to the office and paid my tuition and paid everything. It was you."

"What are you talking about?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler."

"What? I don't have fifty grand," Chandler said, silently kicking himself after realizing what he had just said. Phoebe caught it too.

"I didn't tell you how much it was. It was you."

"I think you have me confused-"

"No, I don't. It really was you."

Chandler let out a sigh as he looked at her before looking at his beer bottle. He felt he had to tell her and hopefully Phoebe wouldn't tell the others. They all thought he was self absorbed anyway so they probably wouldn't believe it.

"Alright...do not tell Monica or Ross or Kip or Carol."

"I don't know any of them well enough to have a conversation like that."

"I'm a trust fund kid. When I saw you on the subway and you told me all that, I went to my accountants office and did some moving of money, went to your school and paid them."

Chandler didn't tell her the full story. That he had done it at first to use as a reason to impress Monica, but he had never told Monica and he felt it was probably too late now. He felt Phoebe reach her hand up to his cheek and moved his face towards hers. She leaned in and kissed him. It dawned on Chandler that he had not kissed a girl in a long time and it felt nice to kiss Phoebe. As they pulled apart, he smiled at her.

"Awww, a kiss from one of the first girls to ever reject me," Chandler said.

"I didn't reject you...but Chandler, why did...you barely know me. How did you know that I wouldn't drop out or...I mean, you...how did you...why did you do that for me?"

"I wanted to. I felt like an idiot sitting there complaining about my crap. I knew you'd be worth the investment," He said, knowing he was lying a little.

"Thank you and I will pay you back every cent-

"No...no, that's why I wanted it to remain anonymous. I don't want you thinking you owe me a thing and now if we become friends, which I think we may...I don't want that hanging over us. It's just something I wanted to do. But please do not tell anyone," Chandler said. He really did hope Phoebe didn't feel he needed to pay him back. The only thing he needed was a friend, that would be how Phoebe could pay him back. He didn't wanna tell her that, though. That just sounded strange.

"I won't."

He actually felt a little guilty with Phoebe sitting there talking about how much his gift had helped her. She had thought he had done it out of the kindness of his heart and that made him feel a bit crappy. Phoebe was staring at him with such adoration that it made him squirm a little.

"Ross, Carol, Monica and Kip do not know I'm a trust fund kid. They think my parents are wealthy, but don't really help me out. They think my mother is an erotic novelist which she is and my father is gay cross dresser who has his own burlesque show...which he does," Chandler said.

"What's your dad's name?" Phoebe asked.

"Charles."

"Does he have a stage name?"

"Why do you ask?" Chandler asked, a little confused.

"When I turned twenty one, I had some musician friends who took me to Vegas-".

"You didn't tell me that on the subway," Chandler said. What else had Phoebe done? His feelings of guilt were quickly replaced by amazement. What stories did this girl have?

"Yeah...anyway, we saw a show with someone named, Helena Handbasket. After the show, Helena came with us to have a late night snack. While we were eating, Helena mentioned that he had been married to a woman named, Nora-"

"That's my mom's name," Chandler said, his heart dropping a little. Phoebe had met his father?

"And he said he had a son that he loved very much...even though Helena said that the son probably was hoping he'd be given up for adoption."

"That sounds about right. He said he loved me?"

"Yeah, very much."

"Thanks for telling me that," Chandler said, trying to remember the last time his dad had told him that. It made him feel warm that his dad had told a stranger that he loved him although he wished his dad had told him that directly.

"Anytime...and your secret is safe with me too. Just know how grateful I am and how I so appreciate you for what you did for me. It was...I will never...even if we are friends for the rest of our lives, I will never be able to repay you. You...and you'll end up with Monica."

"What...what are you...we just kissed and I don't have a crush on Monica," Chandler said, feeling that was an odd statement.

"Yeah...but I have a feeling you'll end up with Monica."

"Doubt it," Chandler said, wondering how Phoebe knew stuff like this. She seemed so intuitive, so sweet and he wanted to be around her. He placed his arm around Phoebe and leaned into give her a quick kiss on her shoulder. Phoebe smiled at him as they sat quietly, drinking. It was a strange feeling Chandler had, sitting there at the bar that night. For the first time in a long time, he felt...happy.


	22. Chapter 22

**June 1992-July 1992**

Phoebe was quickly becoming Chandler's favorite person. He had never met anyone like the tall blonde who so casually would slip little comments referring to her past. He regretted not doing more that first time they had met at the movies. Maybe he could have gone with her to the junkyard or taken her home with him. He loved hanging out with her and being with her was making living with Kip bearable. The plus to that was that he rarely saw Kip. Monica would often spend the night in Kip's room, so Chandler would spend the night with Phoebe. They would order take out and then watch movies until they fell asleep in front of the television. Chandler was very methodical about the movies and television shows he was showing Phoebe. He began in chronological order, starting with showing her clips of _Birth of a_ _Nation_, a four hour silent movie, and continuing on year by year, showing her what he considered the best movies of all time. He would carefully explain to her plot points and hidden meanings. It was the highlight of his evenings and it seemed to be the highlight of Phoebe's.

Their Friday and Saturday nights were spent absorbing themselves in New York's club scene and he loved that not only could Phoebe drink him under the table, she never criticized him for drinking too much. It was freeing to finally be friends with someone who did not constantly tell him that he might be an alcoholic. He wanted to be around her constantly and he was thrilled she felt the same.

"To your brand new job...you're a member of the working force and congrats on your first paycheck," Chandler said lifting up his beer and clicking it with Phoebe's Belvedere.

"Thank you, thank you. But it's not my first paycheck. I got paid when I worked at the YMCA and also at the novelty shop at Port Authority. This is my first paycheck that has four numbers as my take home instead of three," Phoebe grinned.

"Score," Chandler said.

"And I'm paying for this dinner."

"Oh, you're not."

"I am too. I wanna pay."

"The only way you will give me money is if we have sex," Chandler said.

"What?"

"That was a joke."

"It wasn't a good one."

"They can't all be winners," Chandler grinned.

"So what are we doing tonight, Chandler Bing?"

"Well...there's a club opening I wanna go to. It's in a warehouse in the meat packing district."

"I'm a vegetarian."

"No, it's...no...it's...not that...you don't have to eat a steak to get in. Although, that would be awesome," Chandler mused.

"Okay, okay...we'll go...although I wish the others would come with us," Phoebe said.

"Well, Ross has to go home and not have sex with his wife and Monica, she probably wouldn't come because Kip won't come and Kip is mad at me."

"Why? What did you do?"

"I...I may or may not have inadvertently called him Dick instead of Kip...I mean, the names are practically interchangeable," Chandler said grinning which made Phoebe laugh. Chandler loved Phoebe's laugh. It was a laugh...a sound like nothing he had ever heard. It started as this nasal like tone and then this loud sound that came from no where. It was the most oddest laugh he had heard in his life and he loved it.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you have the most amazing laugh?" Chandler asked.

"I've gotten that a few times."

"I hope I never stop making you laugh like that."

"That won't be possible...you should be a stand up comic."

"I...I don't know."

"Have you tried it?"

"I thought of it...I had also thought of being a professional tennis player but I'm not good enough to be a professional tennis player and...honestly, if I get on stage and I'm not funny enough to be a comic...I don't know if I could handle that," Chandler said.

"Try it."

Chandler smiled as he looked at her. He hadn't felt this comfortable talking to anyone in a long time. Just being in Phoebe's presence enthralled him and yet at the same time, was somewhat painful as he discovered when he tried to pay the bill for dinner that night and Phoebe kicked him in the shin although she did let him buy her drinks at the club they went to later that night although Chandler did feel that due to his "injury" Phoebe should have bought the drinks. She disagreed.

A few nights later, with Phoebe cheering him on, Chandler actually did try an amateur night at Improv East, a comedy club They hadn't even invited the others. Chandler had thought about including them but figured Monica would bring Kip and Carol wouldn't wanna go so Ross wouldn't. So it was just him and Phoebe and when it was his turn, he got up and stood at the mic, staring at the audience. His heart beat out of his chest as he stood there, Phoebe grinning, giving him a thumbs up sign. He took a deep breath and launched in and when he heard that laugh, Phoebe's signature laugh, he felt lighter. The five minutes went quickly and he was getting laughs, not pity laughs, real, actual laughs. He could not stop beaming, this was amazing to him. He had always felt he was funnier than most but standing there, he realized how true it was and when he returned to the table he was sharing with Phoebe, she was waiting for him with a shot. She had one for herself and the two downed their individual shots before talking.

"That was incredible," Phoebe said.

"I've never done that before. I'm actually funny," Chandler grinned.

"You should do this professionally...'cause what you do now sucks," Phoebe said.

"I know...but I can't...this was...thank you for making me do this."

"Well, you changed my life...I wanted to do something that could change yours."

"You're amazing."

"So are you, Bing."

"Hey, let's do something for the Fourth of July weekend," Chandler said. They were a few weeks away from that, but Chandler felt perhaps he needed a vacation and Phoebe would be the best person to vacation with.

"I don't think I've ever done anything for the Fourth," Phoebe said.

"Let's do something...it's gonna be a four day weekend," Chandler said. "And we'll invite the others...we should."

"Oh that's fine...Monica and Kip will get their own room, you and I will share a room and I can finally make a mess," Phoebe said which made Chandler laugh.

He knew Monica was a neat freak, Ross had often complained to him about how obsessive Monica was with neatness. He knew she had a tendency to be a little overzealous when it came to cleaning and found it funny that Phoebe who never had a home to worry about keeping clean for the past ten years now lived with Monica. "It's not funny, Chandler. Yesterday, she yelled and carried on for ten minutes because I moved the goddamned phone pen. This is the first time I've had a phone in ten years. I don't give a shit about the stupid pen...and hey, you keep laughing but that's your future wife."

"No it's not...stop saying stuff like that," Chandler said. Phoebe seemed convinced that he was indeed going to marry Monica one day. He was starting to lose hope that would ever happen. They continued drinking and enjoying the rest of the comics before heading out to another club. They would often stay out as late as they could on weekends before heading back to the apartment to watch movies and sleep. It thrilled him that he had a partner in crime to do all this stuff with. He was still only twenty three and Phoebe was twenty four and while he did now have a job and an apartment, he wasn't sure he was ready to be a full on grown up yet. He still wanted to enjoy his twenties, being young and carefree, something the two other couples seemed to have no interest in.

He did make plans for the Fourth in Long Island and reluctantly invited Kip and Monica, Ross and Carol. He had suggested renting three hotel rooms as Phoebe and Chandler didn't mind staying together but Kip had decided instead to take Monica to his parents home in the Hamptons. This actually made him a little sad. While he didn't want Kip with them, he kinda missed Monica. He had moved in across the hall in the first place because Monica wanted him to and now he rarely saw her.

Ross also declined because he wanted to take Carol to Vermont in an attempt to spice up their marriage. Chandler was beginning to dislike Carol as much as he disliked Kip. He understood things changed when people got into relationships but he really hated what what was happening to his relationships with Ross and Monica. It made him even more grateful for Phoebe. He kept thinking that if it hadn't been for her, Chandler would indeed have continued to be alone. While it did upset him, he didn't make those feelings known to anyone, afraid of what would happen if he did. So he took Phoebe to Long Island and the two had a vacation of their own. They rode jet skis and lay out in the sun and celebrated the holiday with dinner at a fancy restaurant right by the beach where they ate, drank and gossiped.

So do you think Ross and Carol are having sex?" Phoebe asked as she sipped her Jack and Coke and stared out at the sun setting over ocean.

"Oh G-d no," Chandler said.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Twenty bucks says she's a lesbian," Phoebe said.

"I'm not betting on them," Chandler said, looking at Phoebe, giving her a grin although something about calling Carol a lesbian struck him as strange. Lizzie had once told him Carol was a lesbian.

It did seem a little strange though the more he thought about it. Granted, his parents never had sex...at least never with each other but it soon hit him the reason why...his dad is gay. But his father always knew he was gay. Was it possible? He really hoped not...feeling that would suck for Ross.

"I've been living with Monica for a month and...and Monica thinks Carol is a lesbian."

"She does?" Chandler asked. making a mental note to ask Monica about that.

"Oh yeah...last week, she was like I think my sister in law is a lesbian."

Chandler let that sink in but then decided perhaps he didn't want to discuss this. He knew the fall out when someone in a marriage came out of the closet. Sure his parents had celebrated the end of their marriage with a party, but...it was still painful and he didn't wish that on anyone, least of all, Ross.

"Wow...I wish Kip were a lesbian," Chandler mused. Phoebe laughed.

"Thank you for bringing me up here, Chandler."

"No problem...so have you ever been to Long Island?" Chandler asked. desperate to get off the topic of whether or not Carol was gay.

"Yeah...I have."

"Really? When?" Chandler asked, a little shocked. Phoebe had so many stories and Chandler wanted to hear them She had been to Long Island? When?

"Ummmm...I don't know if I can tell you."

"Oh, now you have to tell me," Chandler said, grinning.

"Alright...okay, you cannot call the cops," Phoebe said.

"Really...it's that kind of story?" Chandler asked, giving Phoebe his undivided attention.

"Okay, when I was fifteen, I mugged a kid outside a comic book store."

"You did?" Chandler asked, immediately thinking of the story Ross had once told him about how he had been mugged. For a brief moment, Chandler thought it would be funny if it had been Phoebe who mugged Ross, but he knew that wasn't possible. Ross had said the mugger was big and burly, a thug like looking guy...the exact opposite of Phoebe.

"Uh-huh...and then I took the money I stole from him which was like five hundred bucks-"

"Five hundred bucks?" Chandler asked, wondering what kind of fifteen year old carries five hundred bucks on him? He never did that.

"Uh-huh...I took the money and bought myself a dress from this store that I think Monica's friend, Rachel worked at?"

Chandler's eyes widened at the sound of Rachel's name. He knew this would be an amazing story and Phoebe had not let him down.

"I know her. Oh, that girl is a bitch."

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...ask Monica for the story because that girl just dumped Monica as her friend when Monica was in culinary school and Rachel was at whatever college she went to. That girl is a huge bitch."

Chandler purposely left out telling Phoebe about covering Rachel's car with peanut butter because it seemed that no one ever found that story as awesome as he did.

"Wow...well, I got my revenge because when I was sixteen, I went back to that store and stole like a shit load of clothes," Phoebe grinned, Chandler's mouth dropped open.

"You are very bad girl." Chandler smiled back, taking a swig of his beer.

"You have no idea," Phoebe grinned.

"Wait, you sure it was the store Rachel worked at?" Chandler asked, although it didn't really matter to him. He now knew Rachel was not a hermaphrodite either, but he still secretly considered her one.

"I think so because Rachel was Monica's bitchy friend at the soup kitchen and I will recognize Rachel now whenever I see her...with her big ass nose."

"She got a nose job," Chandler said.

"Seriously?"

"The last time I saw her," Chandler said.

"Hmmm...I hate that bitch."

"Me too," Chandler said, "I mean, I know Monica is a tough person to handle sometimes, but...you don't treat people like that. She's got a good heart."

"Oh, I believe that. So Chandler, what's the worst thing you've ever done?"

"I've never mugged anyone," Chandler grinned. He wasn't sure he could tell her though. There was the peanut butter prank on Rachel, all of the pranks he played at elementary school that always resulted in him getting suspended. He never considered those "bad boy" things though. There had also been the drug addiction he had developed after Monica cut off his toe...but he really didn't want to get into that. Had he done anything that would fall into the "bad boy" category? He had tried LSD when he was ten and was boozing when he was nine, but he still wasn't sure what category that fell under. Phoebe seemed to be in a class of her own though and he almost felt boring compared to her.

"Okay...have you've ever done anything that's remotely bad boyish?"

"I don't know," Chandler answered truthfully, not really being able to pin point anything, "I'd love to do something to Kip. Maybe I can call a pizza place in the Hamptons and send a billion pizzas to their house."

"Wow...that's lame," Phoebe said.

Chandler laughed and shook his head. It truly was. He was actually a little disappointed in himself for that prank idea. "Well, lamer than you moving all of Monica's spoons and hiding them."

"That was brilliant."

He had to give her that. It did make briefly wonder though, was being with Phoebe making him a bad pranker? He hoped not.

"You know, I'm glad you're here Phoebe. I was getting a little tired of being the fifth wheel."

Although, he wasn't sure that was the complete truth. He had vanished for seven months, he had purposely separated himself from Carol, Ross, Monica and Kip. He probably was never really a fifth wheel at all, but he still had never told Phoebe how he had separated himself, how he had tried to be alone and Monica and Ross came and saved him. Talking about it made him upset because he never got to hang out with Ross or Monica anyway.

"I'm glad I'm here too...now let's drink and see what trouble we can get you into,"Phoebe grinned as she and Chandler continued drinking.

After dinner, the drinking continued as they walked along the beach and as the fireworks began exploding in the sky, the two shared some drunken kisses between them. Chandler loved kissing her and he knew it did not mean that they were not falling in love. Chandler needed Phoebe, he got her, understood her and he felt she completely got and understood him. Phoebe had become his safety net and he had become hers.


	23. Chapter 23

**October 1992-November 1992**

As the summer turned to fall, Chandler got back in touch with one of his old high school buddies, Tyler. He had heard Tyler was living in the city and he missed him. He had no guy friends left it seemed as he just tolerated Kip and Ross was constantly with Carol. So he was ecstatic when he reconnected with Tyler and when Tyler invited Chandler to a Halloween party at his place, he jumped at the chance and invited Phoebe. Chandler didn't even bother inviting Ross, Carol, Monica and Kip, figuring they would turn down the invite anyway. He wanted to hang out with his partner in crime. He even suggested they go in matching costumes which Phoebe was all for. Chandler decided to dress as a pirate and Phoebe was a wench. She definitely looked good and when they arrived at the party, they immediately sat together and did what did best, drank and well...ate candy.

"You've never done a jello shot?" Chandler asked as he grabbed two shots from a tray behind him and handed one to Phoebe. He hadn't done a lot of Jello shots in his life either. He always went overboard when it came to jello shots, but he figured Phoebe wouldn't mind and in fact would probably go overboard with him...if he could get her drunk. It was the one thing he noticed above all about Phoebe. Okay, one of the things. First, her amazing laugh and second was her apparent inability to get drunk no matter how hard Chandler tried and he tried. Maybe jello shots would do it...

"No."

"You're missing out. Alright, just suck it down," Chandler said.

"Suck it?" Phoebe asked.

"Suck it," Chandler watched as she sucked it down. He did the same with his shot. It was definitely strong. "How is it?"

"Awesome. Although...I'm not a light a drinker."

"I know, although you have a high tolerance."

"I know...sometimes I think I might be a functioning alcoholic."

That comment made Chandler laugh, if only Phoebe knew just how many people had said the same thing about him.

"Ooo...well, you wanna drink more?"

"Sure..." Phoebe said.

Chandler poured some Jack into Phoebe's red plastic cup and proceeded to pour some into his as well. He lifted up his cup and Phoebe followed suit.

"Alright to us...to you...have survived four months of full time work. You have not killed Monica-"

"Chandler, she yelled at me yesterday because I had not put the glasses back in numerical order."

"Well, I can top that. Kip...stole my boxers," Chandler said, he was still upset about this. Kip had actually stolen his boxers. Who the hell steals someones boxers? He had had roommates for a long time now. Between living with Tyler in high school and Ross in college, he tried to recall a time either one had stolen his underwear and could not think of one.

"How do you know?" Phoebe asked.

"'Cause a couple days ago, he was walking through our apartment wearing a shirt and my Spiderman boxers."

"You have Spiderman boxers?" Phoebe asked.

"Don't mock me, bitch," Chandler said, sipping his drink as Phoebe laughed and threw a Hershey kiss at his head. Chandler grabbed the Hershey kiss that had fallen onto the floor after hitting his head and unwrapped it, popping the chocolate into his mouth.

"Oh, man...what are we gonna do? I mean, I love Monica. I do. She's so sweet and mothering...and kind and generous. She's got this amazing, giving spirit...and I would be still living in Port Authority if not for Monica but...I am torn between the love I have for her and my desire to stab her in the neck while screaming, 'is it clean enough now, bitch,'" Phoebe said.

"Kip...Kip is stupid," Chandler said.

"I thought you liked Kip at one point. Why did you ever move in with him?"

Little did Phoebe know how loaded that question was but Chandler really was not in the mood to have a serious conversation like that while he was dressed as a pirate and Phoebe was dressed as the sluttiest wench he had ever seen. He just felt that conversation could best be saved for another time.

"I did like him. He's one of my best friends. Him and Ross. They were my best friends...but Ross got married and Kip-"

"Are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous. I have you," Chandler said.

"Awwww," Phoebe said.

"I will never leave you, Pheebs," Chandler said and he meant it. He wanted to be near Phoebe forever, capturing these moments of their friendship. He had never had a friend like Phoebe and in turn, never wanted to lose her.

"Good. I'll never leave you either. I love you, Chandler."

"Love you too...kiss me."

Phoebe leaned into kiss him. He loved that she never seemed to have an objection to kissing him. It felt different of course than his kisses with Monica or even with Lizzie. Those had always felt like they were leading to something. There was heat and passion in those kisses. With Phoebe, it was about friendship and comfort. They comforted each other.

"Hey, Bing," Tyler said, stumbling towards them. "Beer pong set up in the back."

Tyler stumbled towards them, plastic red cup in hand. Chandler loved this renewed friendship and loved that now, they could add booze. Tyler seemed to have become a partier just like him. Tyler dressed in a suit and tie every single day for work, but went wild on the weekends which was what Chandler did...with Phoebe.

"Awesome. Oh, Tyler...don't you know who this is? 'Member when we saw the Hot Dog movie. The blonde girl," Chandler said, pointing at Phoebe.

"The girl who blew you off," Tyler said which made Chandler grin.

"I didn't blow you off," Phoebe said.

"Oh, don't worry...I've known this man for a long time. He gets rejected a lot," Tyler said.

That wasn't quite true as they had just reconnected after not keeping in touch for five years but Chandler didn't bother correcting him. The getting rejected a lot part was still true. The last girlfriend he had was Lizzie. He had definitely tried since Lizzie. He had also tried with Monica...but was not succeeding. The memory of being rejected by Snow White appeared in his head again.

"I did not reject him. I-"

"It's okay, Pheebs," Chandler said as he shook his head and stood, grabbing her hand. He pulled her up and placed his arm around her, "it's time for beer pong"

"I don't want to be in the group of girls that rejected you," Phoebe whined as they walked outside towards a pool table.

"Will you have sex with me?" Chandler asked, raising his eyebrows up and down. He often asked her the same question, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"No...jackass," Phoebe said.

"See, now you're in the group," Chandler said.

"Fuck you," Phoebe said.

Chandler laughed. He knew now without a doubt that Phoebe had not rejected him. Had she had a phone number to give him, she would have given it to him. It was clear but he didn't care. He loved giving Phoebe a hard time about it. She would get mad and tell him to go fuck himself. He knew she didn't want to be considered one of the girls that rejected him and truthfully she wasn't...but he just wasn't ready to let go and wanted to have as much fun as he could.

They walked outside towards a ping pong table. Chandler decided he should teach Phoebe. It was his new mission. He felt she was slowly catching up on all the movies and stuff but now, he needed to teach her drinking games. He felt Phoebe more than anyone would appreciate drinking games.

"Come here, I'm gonna teach you how. Throw this ball into one of those cups," Chandler said as he handed Phoebe the ball. She stood next to him as he placed his hand on hers and together they threw the ball and it landed in one of the cups on the other side. Tyler grinned as he downed the cup of beer. Phoebe and Chandler cheered and kissed as they continued playing. Phoebe played a little, but eventually it was just Chandler playing. He loved playing beer pong, he was unbeatable and he knew it. He remained the champion and he especially loved having Phoebe there beside him, cheering him on.

Soon, it was Thanksgiving. He had skipped out on Thanksgiving with the Geller's the year before and after hearing that Phoebe was going to opt out of going to the Geller's as well, he decided to decline as well. Instead deciding to spend it with Phoebe which seemed to upset Monica.

"You're missing Thanksgiving again?" Monica asked.

Chandler was laying in his room, reading when Monica walked in, clearly upset. He had told Ross he was skipping the Geller Thanksgiving and not Monica. Ross apparently told Monica.

"I'm gonna hang out with Phoebe," Chandler said, putting down his book.

"But...it's Thanksgiving."

"Well, first...you know I hate Thanksgiving and second...I'd rather not go and be the fifth wheel."

"It's just...I was really hoping you'd come. I want...you...I mean, what are you and Phoebe going to do?"

"I don't know...but she doesn't really celebrate Thanksgiving either."

"Chandler...can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Is something going on between you and Phoebe?" Monica asked.

"What?" Chandler asked, giving her a look. Monica looked a little uncomfortable and he started to a get a weird feeling. Was Monica jealous?

"Well, you two went to that Halloween party dressed in a couples costume-"

"I wanted to be a pirate and Phoebe was my wench."

"You're gonna be alone with Phoebe and...I mean...well, okay...I don't think it would be a really good idea for you to date my roommate," Monica said.

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked.

"Well...it would be awkward if you broke up. I don't-"

"Monica, you're dating my roommate."

"It's totally different."

"How?" Chandler asked.

"It just is."

"Are you jealous?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, G-d no...I think it would be better if you didn't...if you...I think you should spend Thanksgiving with us."

"I don't want to," Chandler said. "You're jealous. Monica, you're in a relationship. Phoebe and I are friends."

"But...well-"

"Nothing will happen between Phoebe and I."

"I'm not jealous," Monica said as she stared at the floor. She seemed to suddenly be very fascinated by the floor. "I-I just-"

"Mon...you know I love you. You're my favorite girl in real life."

"I know. I know...we should've spent the Fourth with you."

"Yeah...I miss you. I moved across the hall 'cause you wanted me to."

"I know. Can-can we have lunch next week?" Monica asked.

"Of course," Chandler said as Monica nodded. He watched as she walked out of his room and turn, presumably to go into Kip's room. Chandler grinned widely as he replayed that conversation with Monica in his head. She was jealous. She liked him. He nodded as he kept grinning and did a little dance on his bed. He felt like quite the stud. She did like him. Point for him. Yep, a large point for him. He wondered if he could actually write it on his wall but at the last moment, decided against it.

After Monica and Kip had left to join Ross and Carol at the Geller's for Thanksgiving, Phoebe and Chandler celebrated on their own. They watched movies, drank through several bottles of wine, ate spaghetti and made a mess...a complete mess.

"We are so going to have clean this up," Chandler said, slurring a little as he rested on Monica's couch, feet up on the table. There were dirty dishes everywhere. He knew if Monica could see this mess, she'd probably have a stroke.

"I can't believe I dropped a plate of spaghetti on the couch," Phoebe said, pointing to the large stain on the white couch.

"You did it on purpose," Chandler grinned. Phoebe had been so happy to have Monica out of the apartment that she had jokingly held a plate of spaghetti and sauce over the couch. She kept pretending to drop it on the couch when accidentally, it did drop causing a huge red stain.

"I'll turn it over. So why do you hate this holiday?" Phoebe asked

"It was the day my parents told me they were going to divorce," Chandler said, giving her the simple version.

"Aww, that sucks. Your dad seems awesome though. I love him."

"He's not your dad," Chandler said, staring at his plate. He knew Phoebe loved his father but whenever Chandler thought of that Thanksgiving when his parents told them they were divorcing, the one thing he remembered about that day was the day after Thanksgiving when his father left and never said goodbye to him.

"Fine...we can trade. You can have my dad...you just have to go find him first," Phoebe grinned.

"Awww, touche." Chandler said. Phoebe did have a point though, he knew that. At least he did know where his father was. "I've had had a lot bad Thanksgivings... Monica cut off my toe once."

"Really?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I don't know. She was acting weird," Chandler said, feeling uncomfortable talking about that particular Thanksgiving. That image of Monica kneeled over the toilet, making herself throw up appeared in his mind once more.

"Did you put a towel in the guest pile and not the fancy guest pile?" Phoebe asked.

"No," Chandler said, laughing a little, "I didn't touch the towels." He was happy to get his thoughts off that Thanksgiving.

"I may have to move out, Chandler. I need to live in a land where people can spill."

"No, you can't leave," Chandler said, worried. She could not move, if she did, who would he play with? "You're the only one keeping me sane. What about you? Have you ever had good Thanksgivings?"

"None. Wow...no...this is the first one I've celebrated in ten years."

Chandler let out a breath and shook his head. It was amazing. Phoebe was amazing.

"How have you gotten through all this?" Chandler asked.

"You," Phoebe said. "I never thought I'd have a friend like you.

"The last ten years though...how did you get through that?"

"I had to," Phoebe shrugged.

Chandler got that immediately. They both had to survive. It was either survive or die. Sure, there had been plenty of moments where death would have been welcomed but at the end of the day, he survived because just like Phoebe...he had to.

"You're gonna have turn that cushion over," Chandler said, pointing to the stain.

"Definitely...so...I've been thinking, it's Thanksgiving and remember during Halloween when I said I was going to force you to do something a little naughty."

"What?" Chandler asked, not really remembering the conversation, but curious as to where she was going.

"That fountain in Central Park we were walking by the other day...I think I wanna swim."

"I am not going swimming in...it's November," Chandler said, shaking his head. That seemed ridiculous.

"Come on, preppy boy. Let's go," Phoebe said. "And I'm wearing one of Monica's bathing suits. And you better put on one of Kip's boxers."

Chandler grinned and decided to go along with it. He put the plate of spaghetti down and walked into his apartment to change into a pair of Kip's boxers. He and Phoebe then headed out to that fountain in a secluded area of Central Park. They were freezing as they both slowly stepped into the fountain which was surprisingly warm. Chandler could not believe he was actually doing this while Phoebe wondered why she had never done it before, they splashed around, played and got completely soaked in the cold New York November. They shared kisses while dancing in the water and soon got tired and sat side by side on the edge of the fountain. Chandler couldn't believe what he had just done but being friends with Phoebe, he seemed to be doing a lot of things he never would have thought he would have done.

"I've never met anyone like you, Phoebe. I mean...you live so...freely. It's..."

"What are you doing for New Years?" Phoebe asked.

"New Years? That's a month away," Chandler said as it was obvious she was not listening to him.

"Play with me. For the past ten years, I have spent New Years with my friends in Time Square. It started right after my mom died. We have fun. I'd invite the couples, but I don't want to. I want you there. It'll be amazing. You and me...and this time, we have money. We go out all night...watch the sunrise," Phoebe said.

Chandler looked at her. That seemed amazing to him. He tried to remember the last time he had done something like that. Even when he and Phoebe would hit the club scene, they never really stayed out, partying all night.

"That sounds awesome. G-d, I haven't partied all night in a long time. Ross, Kip and I in college...with this other buddy of ours. We would go out and just get smashed. Something happened..."

"Ross got married and Kip got into a relationship," Phoebe said.

"Exactly. I was awesome at beer pong."

"I remember from Halloween, you were amazing," Phoebe smiled.

"I was a champ. I took down Ross, I took down Kip...I am a legend in beer pong."

"You know, thanks for teaching me all those. I mean, I just like to drink but now, knowing there can be games involved-" Phoebe said.

"I just realized, I forgot to teach you quarters. I'm gonna have to teach you that when we get home," Chandler said.

"I can't wait."

Chandler smiled as he wrapped his arm around Phoebe and kissed her head. He wished he could find it within himself to tell her how much she meant to him, but it was hard for him to get out. It scared him how much he cared for this girl and it wasn't the same caring he had for Monica. He felt this connection to Phoebe. He felt more than anything that she just got him.

"But...I just...I don't know, I'm not ready to grow up yet and it seems like Kip and Ross are so far ahead and I just wanna have fun," Chandler said.

That was the simple version. The easiest to explain. He just wasn't ready to grow up and at twenty three, wasn't sure why he had to just yet.

"Me too. Chandler, I've spent the last ten years being an adult. I finally have a home and friends...and a job...I wanna have some childish fun like jumping in a fountain."

Chandler smiled and nodded as he took a deep breath and looked at Phoebe.

"I wanna play with you on New Years. I wanna see the world you came from," Chandler said. He wanted to party all night with her, kiss her on New Years and be in her world.

"Good. Now let's go back to the apartment. I'm freezing."

Chandler grinned and got up. The two walked sopping wet back to apartment 20. Chandler truly felt this was finally one of the best Thanksgivings he had ever had. He had almost contemplated eating turkey, but changed his mind. He wasn't ready to go that far yet. Before Monica and Kip came back home though, Phoebe and Chandler did clean up Monica's apartment, keeping it a complete secret about how messy they had made it


	24. Chapter 24

**December 31st, 1992 part 1**

Chandler was debating between a fancy sweater vest with a long sleeve shirt or a bowling shirt. His two favorite types of outfits and the only types of outfits he owned. He was thrilled for tonight. Could not wait to party all night with Phoebe. Maybe at the end, they could watch the sun rise from the roof. It was something he had discovered once and it surprised him he had never shown Phoebe. He would have to show her and it was then he made a very crucial decision to go with the bowling shirt and his flannel jacket. He was just about to walk out when he heard the front door of his apartment open and slam shut. He walked out to see Kip looking pissed as he walked towards his room.

"You alright?" Chandler asked.

Kip stopped and glared at him. There was no love lost between the two boys it seemed and that did at times make Chandler a little sad. Kip really had at one point been his best friend. He remembered the beginning of college when he and Kip would hang out all the time and complain about their obnoxious roommates.

"Today's your lucky day. I just broke up with Monica," Kip said.

"What?"

"Monica and I aren't together anymore."

"You broke up today?" Chandler asked.

"Yes. Are you deaf?" Kip asked.

"You dumped your girlfriend on New Years Eve? Dude...whoa...you're so coming back as toilet brush...or a brussel sprout," Chandler said.

Kip rolled his eyes and walked into his room and shut the door. Chandler looked towards his front door and walked towards the door, walked out and walked into apartment 20. His concern for his favorite brunette girl growing.

"Monica," Chandler yelled as he slammed the front door shut.

"We're in here," Phoebe yelled from Monica's room. Chandler walked in and saw Phoebe sitting on Monica's bed. Monica who had been curled up in a fetal position, turned over and sat up to look at him while wiping tears away from her face. Chandler sat next Phoebe and grabbed Monica's hand, gently squeezing it. He wanted to kill Kip. Watching Monica cry, killed him. He hated seeing her look sad.

"Kip dumped me," Monica said.

"What? When?" Phoebe asked.

"Today," Monica said.

"On New Years? That's...horrible," Phoebe said.

"I mean, we'd been having problems...but still. He dumped me."

"Oh, Monica. I'm sorry," Phoebe said as she hugged Monica tightly. Chandler moved closer as well and began to gently rub Monica's back. While he had never thought that the relationship between Kip and Monica would actually last, he hated seeing how much it hurt Monica. He hadn't really thought that she had actually liked him.

"The guy is an ass. You don't dump someone on New Years," Chandler said.

"I thought he was your best friend," Monica said.

He found that to be such an odd statement. He hadn't considered Kip his best friend in years, not since he starting dating Monica and now as far as he was concerned, the friendship was irreconcilable

"Then he hurt you," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Chandler," Monica smiled. Chandler smiled back, squeezing her hand.

"Come play with us tonight," Phoebe said.

"Oh, no...you two have your thing and don't I wanna intrude on your couples night thing-"

"Couples night?" Phoebe asked.

"Wait...you two aren't dating?" Monica asked.

Chandler let out a snort and rolled his eyes, something that neither Phoebe nor Monica caught. He knew exactly the game Monica was playing. She knew Phoebe and Chandler weren't dating and he knew why she asking such a question. It was a game play.

"No...oh, no. We're friends," Phoebe said.

"Fuck buddies," Chandler grinned. If Monica was going to play, so was he. Phoebe though just looked at him like he had lost his mind.

"What is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked.

"We really don't have that kind of time," Chandler said which made Phoebe laugh.

"Play with us," Phoebe said.

"No...I don't-" Monica said.

Chandler let out a groan as he knew she was being dramatic. G-d, it was amazing how well he knew her. He had always had trouble trying to figure women out but for some reason, Monica was easy.

"Come on, Mon...I wanna to go and spend New Years with the two hottest girls in New York and I obviously can't get them, so I want you two," Chandler smirked which made both Monica and Phoebe laugh.

"Nice, Chandler...but I'm just gonna stay home," Monica said. Chandler just shook his head. She wanted pity, he knew that much. He didn't wanna give her pity...he wanted to have fun with both Monica and Phoebe.

"Monica, how are old are you?" Phoebe asked.

"Twenty two."

"You're twenty two. Believe you me, by the time I was twenty two I was...well, we can talk about that some other time. But you're twenty two. I'm twenty four. Chandler's twenty three. We don't have to act all grown up just yet and twenty two is way too young to be in a serious relationship. We're gonna go out and we're gonna get drunk and we're gonna watch watch the sunrise."

Chandler let out yet another snort. He knew Monica was going to end up hanging out with them. He knew exactly what she was doing although it seemed Phoebe didn't. He wanted to say something but instead decided to go another route.

"Although, Monica isn't really a partier," Chandler said.

"I can be a partier," Monica said, giving Chandler a look as if her comment stung which he knew it didn't.

"When I was in college, I took Monica here to a frat party. Ross was out with Carol and Carol just hates frat parties-"

Chandler was interrupted by Phoebe and Monica's laughing. They both started to giggle and nod. He was a little confused.

"We are so right...we're right, right?" Phoebe asked.

"Totally," Monica said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I think Carol's a lesbian," Monica said.

"She's not," Chandler said. He wanted to believe Carol wasn't a lesbian. He knew how much that would hurt Ross if it were true.

"Yeah, she is. She didn't want to be around a bunch of drunken frat boys because she doesn't like boys," Monica said.

"That...she's not...okay, let me finish my story...that frat party, I took Monica and at about ten thirty, I look over and see Mon, lying out on the couch...completely sober by the way, but taking a nap."

"Monica, for shame," Phoebe said.

Monica raised an eyebrow and shot him a look. Chandler grinned, knowing it was working. Of course both Monica and Chandler knew there was far more to that story. Monica had just gotten out of the hospital. Chandler had taken her to a frat party where he got drunk and Monica stole his car to drive herself home. He wondered if Monica would sell him out, if she would tell the whole story. She took a deep breath and looked at him and then at Phoebe.

"I had a huge presentation that day. I had to make a five course meal for a class. I was tired. By the way, you two really suck at making me feel better," Monica said.

Monica shot Chandler yet another look. He was loving this. He knew Monica wasn't quite telling the truth either. She had no presentation that day, at least he didn't remember her having one. He loved that he and Monica were apparently having a completely non verbal conversation. He missed Monica, missed being able to read her. Phoebe though seemed oblivious to all of it.

"You know, I have lived here for six months and I have yet to see a wild and crazy Monica. I have yet to hang out with you and see you be a little crazy. We've hung out at the bar, but I wanna see you just have fun. If you get tired at ten thirty, we'll get you coffee."

"Well...it would be nice to hang out with you two. I mean, you two always seem to be having so much fun. I'm jealous. I mean, Pheebs...you're stealing Chandler from me," Monica smiled.

"I could never do that. Play with us," Phoebe said.

That made Chandler's heart drop. He knew Monica had been feeling jealous, he had known that for the past month and he wondered if the break up of Kip and Monica had anything to do with how close Phoebe and Chandler had become. He hated the fact that Monica was thinking that she had lost him. She could never lose him.

"Yeah, I miss playing with you and we will get you coffee if you get tired. You're staying up all night. We're gonna see how Phoebe lived..." Chandler said.

"Okay...okay. Yeah, you're right. I'm only twenty two. I don't need to settle down yet. I mean, it's not like my future husband in this room right now. Let me go get dressed," Monica said.

In Chandler's head, he wanted to yell that he could be Monica's future husband if she just could look at him differently. But he knew that was a lost cause. He and Phoebe both hugged Monica before walking out of the room. Chandler began to walk towards the door before looking back at Phoebe.

"I'll be back here in an hour?" Chandler asked.

"Perfect...and I'm sorry. I hope you weren't thinking it was just going to be you and me tonight."

"Are you kidding? I'm gonna be ringing 1993 with my two favorite girls. Sounds like a pretty awesome night to me," Chandler said.

"And...she's newly single," Phoebe said, pointing to the door. "Maybe I'll end up being the third wheel tonight?"

"Doubt it," Chandler said, shaking his head as he walked out of the apartment. As he stood alone in the hallway, he looked back at the door of apartment 20 before entering his own apartment. When he walked in, he saw Kip lying on the couch watching what looked like a movie. It was one of Chandler's many movies. Kip was watching _Die Hard_. That seemed unacceptable. First, he dumped Monica on New Years and now Kip was watching Chandler's movies. Chandler walked over to the VCR, pressed a button and ejected the tape.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kip asked.

"You can't break up with my best friend and watch my movies," Chandler said.

"Don't be such an ass."

"I'm the ass...Kip, you knew I liked her. You knew how crazy I was...am about her...you knew this and you went after her. You're a far bigger asshole."

"Dude, she's not interested in you. She's never been interested in you."

"That's not true...but...okay, the fact that you don't realize how messed up it is that you went after Monica knowing I liked her shows exactly what a wank you are...and you know, I think you should move out," Chandler said.

"This is my apartment. You're living here because Monica wanted you too...you should get out."

"That's never gonna happen. Enjoy sitting alone tonight playing with your dick. I'm spending New Years with Phoebe and Monica. Sounds like my night is gonna be awesome," Chandler said as he walked into his room and slammed the door shut. In the privacy of his bedroom, he collapsed onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He felt sad, very sad. He knew at that moment, his friendship with Kip was forever destroyed. While he loved playing with Phoebe and loved that Monica wanted back in his life, it was the realization that he had no close guy friends left that made him sad. Ross was dealing with his marriage and while he had reconnected with Tyler, he wasn't nearly as close to him as he once was. He felt alone. He wondered if maybe he should move? But if he moved, he was convinced he'd lose everything. At least that's what he felt in his mind. He wanted more. He wanted that feeling of being completely happy but he wasn't sure he'd ever get it.

An hour later, Chandler walked into the apartment. He put aside his feelings of sadness to concentrate only on the night. Monica and Phoebe both looked amazing.

"Let's go," Chandler said.

"So...wait, did you talk to Kip?" Monica asked.

"I did. I called him an ass," Chandler said, smiling, although purposely leaving out the rest of the fight. Monica smiled as she walked towards him. She looked good.

"You did?" Monica asked.

"Yep. Hey...no one hurts you on my watch," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Monica said as she gave Chandler a hug. He smiled, realizing it had been a long time since he had hugged Monica. His feelings were all over the place, having lost one friend and gotten another one back in the course of an hour.

"G-d, you two are ridiculous," Phoebe groaned.

"What?" Chandler asked, although knowing the answer.

"She thinks you and I should hook up. That's completely absurd, right?" Monica asked.

Chandler gave Phoebe a look. He really wished that Phoebe had not said anything. He looked over at Monica who still looked so hurt, so fragile. He put one arm around her and another around Phoebe, leading them both to the door.

"Totally...you know, I only wanna be with you Pheebs," Chandler grinned.

"Bite me," Phoebe said.

Chandler shrugged and leaned into playfully bite Phoebe's shoulder. The three walked outside as Kip was walking out. It felt awkward in the hallway. Chandler looked at Monica who suddenly looked very sad.

"Kip," Monica said.

"Hey, Kipster...jealous?" Chandler asked, purposely trying to act jerky.

"Don't be an asshole," Kip said.

"Hey, I'm not the one who dumps their girlfriend on New Years," Chandler said.

"Yeah, that would actually require you to have a girlfriend. When was the last time you had one of those?" Kip asked. That stung Chandler a little.

"Hey, wait-" Phoebe started.

"No, Pheebs...it's fine. I would say something, but...I'm spending the night with two very hot women who will both be kissing me at midnight. Who will you be with?" Chandler asked, smiling as Phoebe and Monica each planted a kiss on his cheek. They walked off together, the three of them. Chandler feeling a bit like a stud.


	25. Chapter 25

**December 31, 1992 part 2**

After a dinner of pizza and wine where Chandler was pleasantly surprised at how light the mood was, they took a cab to a junkyard. Chandler had wanted to see where Phoebe had lived. He had wanted to know how this girl had gone from being completely homeless to sharing an apartment with Monica. When they arrived, Phoebe pushed open a chain link fence and walked in. There were several burnt out cars littering the lot and of course, a lot of trash. It seemed dirty and unsanitary.

"You really lived here?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe nodded as she walked towards a burnt out Buick. Chandler and Monica exchanged a look and followed her. Phoebe sat in the car, Monica and Chandler sat with her. He just kept taking in the darkness and cold of the space. It was December. He could not imagine spending the night here, calling this place home.

"Wow," Chandler said.

"See, there's no phone here Chandler. I couldn't have called you," Phoebe grinned.

Chandler let out a laugh and thought immediately of that night, wishing so badly he could go back. It dawned on him that this is where she came back to after that movie. He had gone back to the dorm he shared with Tyler and his other friends, pissed about the girl who had rejected him. He had spent the remainder of his night watching movies with his friends while she came back here.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Chandler," Phoebe said giving him a look. He knew she wanted him to tell the story.

"Alright...I've never told you this, Mon...but when I was fifteen, my buddies and I drove from Scarsdale to the city to see Hot Dog: The Movie at this theater that never checked ID. In line on the day that I saw the movie was a very attractive blonde girl named, Phoebe. I paid for her ticket, we saw the movie...I asked for her number and-"

"And I had no phone number to give him," Phoebe finished, motioning out to the rest of the yard.

"Oh my G-d...that's amazing," Monica said.

"It was an awful movie, but he was a lot of fun...the rest of night sucked though," Phoebe said.

"Why? You missed me?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"I actually did but...when I got back here after the movie, it was my Sweet Sixteen and a couple of my friends had a party and...it's very hard to have an invite list when you live in a junkyard and one of the guests was an escaped convict who tried to kill me until a friend shot him. The knife missed me by about a quarter of inch," Phoebe said.

Monica and Chandler both stared at her, stunned. Chandler felt his heart drop to his stomach. She had almost died that night. He felt this overwhelming sense of guilt. He had been so angry. He had called her names, been mean and she had come back here and almost died. He fell silent, not wanting to say more because he just felt he would end up in tears.

"Phoebe," Monica said.

"I survived," Phoebe said.

"How? How did you survive this?" Monica asked.

"I had to. Now do you see why I don't care if the towels are in the right place or all the dishes are clean?" Phoebe asked.

"I see...although, heads up...I probably won't stop caring about that. Sorry," Monica said.

"That's okay. I know," Phoebe said.

"Chandler's been trying to get me to not care about a little messiness for the past four years. Nothing works," Monica said.

Chandler's attention turned back to the two girls when he heard his name. He was a little confused by Monica's statement. Past four years?

"Is that why you cut off his toe?" Phoebe asked.

"No," Monica said.

"Why did you cut off my toe?" Chandler said, noticing Monica becoming very uncomfortable by the mention of that Thanksgiving. It truly had been a horrible night although he did always wonder why. He did think he had that right, but Monica would never tell him.

"I-I...you...you were wearing wicker shoes. I hate wicker shoes," Monica tried.

"You're never gonna tell me the real reason?" Chandler asked. That made him a little upset. He had a feeling something had happened, he had said or done something...but he wanted answers.

"Never. It was Rachel's fault," Monica said, looking at Chandler, giving him that pleading look he knew all too well. She wanted to change the subject.

"Always. Pheebs...tell her what you did to Rachel," Chandler said, thinking that might be a better story.

"No...nooooo. That's...no," Phoebe said.

"What did you do?" Monica asked.

"Do you still talk to this girl?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, G-d no. I hate that girl. She's horrible...she really hurt me," Monica said.

"What if she comes back into our lives and-" Phoebe said.

"No. I guarantee you, I will never speak to her again," Monica said.

"Alright, but if by some chance you do...you can not tell her this. Neither one of you," Phoebe said as she launched into a story about how when she was sixteen she had gone to Long Island and stole a lot of clothes from Rachel's aunt's store. Chandler kept looking at Monica. She looked stunned by all this. Chandler was kind of enjoying the Rachel bashing although he wasn't quite listening to the conversation. Chandler no longer wanted to be in this junkyard. Being here was becoming way too overwhelming, listening to Monica and Phoebe talk was depressing him. It was still New Years Eve. He wanted to enjoy it, somewhat and not take trips down memory lane and share depressing stories. There would be time for that later.

"Alright, ladies...enough," Chandler said, jumping up. "It is New Years Eve...we're going to have a good time. Mon, we're gonna get you trashed and Pheebs...well, I gave up trying to get you drunk months ago."

Phoebe and Monica both stood up and walked over to him as the three began to walk out of the junkyard.

"I can't get drunk," Phoebe smiled.

"I know," Chandler said.

"You can't get drunk?" Monica asked.

"I've never seen tolerance like this in my life and I grew up around alcoholics," Chandler said and secretly praying that Monica wouldn't finish his sentence with. 'and you are one'...but she didn't. Instead, she gave them both a mysterious smile as if she were thinking about something .

"Maybe you haven't been drinking the right stuff?" Monica asked.

"I drink a lot," Phoebe said.

"I know where we're going next. Come on," Monica said as she grabbed Phoebe and Chandler's hands and pulled them out of the junkyard. Phoebe and Chandler exchanged nervous looks.

"Where's she taking us?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know...Mon, if you take us to clean crap, I swear to G-d, I will kill you."

"Come on," Monica said.

Phoebe and Chandler followed Monica out of the junkyard. Monica hailed a cab and gave the driver directions. Chandler was definitely intrigued. It did dawn on him that in the years he had known Monica, he had never really been clubbing with her, in her world. There had been that Halloween party she had years ago but usually, he'd be drinking and she'd join him. He had never really seen Monica on her turf or with her friends in her life. She'd always been in his world. It made him a little sad that he knew so little about how Monica lived her life socially when she wasn't with him and now he was going to find out.

About fifteen, twenty minutes later, Chandler and Phoebe were sitting in a dimly lit club. The floor was packed with people dancing around to the loud dance music pulsating through the club. It reminded Chandler of when the club would get packed at his house in Scarsdale. When his mom would have those parties and they would be dancing all night.

"Here you go," Monica said, holding three drinks in her hands. Chandler raised an eyebrow as he helped Monica with the drinks, handing one to Phoebe.

"What did you bring us?" Chandler asked.

"Slow Death," Monica said.

"Is that a suggestion?" Chandler asked and given his relationship with Monica over the years, it wouldn't shock him. Chandler motioned for Phoebe to drink first. She picked it up, drank and immediately began hacking.

"Crap, Monica. What the hell is this?" Phoebe asked.

Monica grinned as she looked at Chandler who was staring at Phoebe and then back at Monica.

"Go ahead, Bing. Try it."

Chandler picked up his glass, drank. His throat started to burn immediately as he began coughing. He had never drank anything like this before. He looked at Monica who was slowly sipping her drink.

"It really was a suggestion. What is in this?" Chandler asked.

"Everclear, Jagermeister, Rum, Southern Comfort and Schnapps," Monica said. "Probably should have told you two that it was a sipping kind of drink."

"How did you know about this?" Chandler asked.

"I know things...I came here on my twenty first birthday and the bartender made me a drink...this. That was a fun birthday," Monica said.

Chandler looked at her. He remembered asking about her twenty first birthday and her not telling him anything about it. He had always been curious.

"Why wasn't I invited?" Chandler asked.

"Because I didn't want you there," Monica said giving him an innocent smile as she took a sip of her drink. Chandler's mouth dropped open as Phoebe began laughing.

"I am hurt. I am actually hurt," Chandler said and he was a little bit. He would have enjoyed getting Monica drunk, but it was another sign that she really did have a life completely separate from him.

"You didn't invite me to your twenty first birthday," Monica said.

"You weren't twenty one yet," Chandler said, happily reliving that birthday in his mind.

"I heard about that party. Ross told me you ended up half naked at the top of the Statue of Liberty screaming, 'Welcome to New York bitches,'" Monica said.

"Yeah, that was a good night," Chandler mused as he took a sip of his drink.

"Which half of you was naked?" Phoebe asked.

"That's private...I'm keeping that between me, Ross and the boatload of tourists I flashed," Chandler grinned, "I wanted to show them my Statue of Liberty."

"Oh no," Phoebe said, "wait, so Mon...onto your twenty first birthday...if it was here and you drank this, what did you do?"

"Yeah...you didn't even invite Ross, did you?" Chandler asked.

"Nope," Monica said.

"What did you do?" Chandler asked, getting curious.

"Okay, but you can't tell Ross or anyone," Monica said.

"No, whatever we do or say tonight stays between the three of us...forever," Phoebe said.

Phoebe lifted up her glass and the other two followed suit. The three clicked their glasses together and drank, slowly.

"Alright, I only invited friends from culinary school because I didn't want anything I did to get back to my parents or anyone...which is why I did not invite Ross or you," Monica began, motioning to Chandler, "well, we came here and I got very, very drunk and danced on top of that bar...and..the dance became topless."

"Oh my G-d. You stripped," Phoebe said.

"Only my top...I took it off and just danced," Monica said, her face turning bright red.

"Monica Geller...you drink up," Chandler said, although he was joking, inside he actually began to feel angry about that story. All those times when she got on his case about his drinking and she had danced topless on a bar. It just seemed a little hypocritical.

"I'm so sorry I called you an uptight psycho the other day. I want you to be drunk forever," Phoebe said, hugging Monica who was laughing as well. Chandler sat quietly. It did actually upset him. If she could dance topless in a bar, what else had she done?

Throughout the night, the three continued to dance and enjoy themselves. Chandler tried to put his feelings about what Monica had admitted to doing out of his mind as they continued to drink and dance. The fact that he did have both Phoebe and Monica constantly grinding up against him did help a little.

They left the club around eleven thirty, all three holding each other up as they made their way to Times Square to watch the ball drop. Phoebe had wanted Chandler and Monica to meet her friends and when they reached them, Phoebe could barely contain her joy. They hugged and Phoebe introduced Sue Ellen, Marjorie, Lowell and some other strange guy who seemed very interested in talking to his hand. She seemed s o happy to see them and after introductions were exchanged, Phoebe turned to catch up with her old friends, not paying much attention to Chandler and Monica. Monica grabbed tightly onto Chandler's arm when she looked at him. Phoebe was talking with her friends, not paying much attention to them.

"Are you gonna kiss me when the ball drops?" Monica asked.

"Yep...but...you know, you can never get on me about my drinking again. Hypocrite."

"I'm not-I'm...you're...kiss me when the ball drops."

"I will, but you are a hypocrite."

"If you were there, I wouldn't have been able to get drunk because I'd be watching you," Monica said.

"I don't by that."

"Chandler...let's not talk about this. The ball is gonna drop. I wanna kiss my Harry."

Chandler smiled as the ball began to drop. Monica did love him, he knew that much but he was pretty sure once she sobered up, they'd be back to friends again.

".I love you, Sally," Chandler said.

"I love you, too," Monica grinned, placing her arms on his shoulders and when the time came, they kissed. They were both drunk, of course, and the kiss was very deep and when he was done, he also kissed Phoebe. 1993 was starting off quite nicely.

Several hours later, the three of them were sitting together on the roof of their apartment building watching the sun coming up as they sat together drinking coffee and staring off. Chandler was loving sitting in between Phoebe and Monica. It had been an incredible night.

"I lied," Monica said, her voice barely above a whisper. Chandler and Phoebe looked at her. "I lied about dancing topless at that club on my twenty first birthday. I did go to that club and I did drink...but I didn't go that crazy. I just...I felt left out. It's why Kip and I had been fighting. I felt like I was losing friends and Phoebe, you seem so cool and Kip kept saying that we had each other but I wanted my friends and when I heard you two were going to have fun on New Years, I wanted to join you. Kip didn't and I said I was gonna go anyway and we fought and then broke up."

"Mon," Chandler said as he put his arm around her and gave her a kiss. "You can't lose me."

Chandler began to feel guilty all over again. He hated that he called her a hypocrite, of course she would never have danced topless at a club. He hated that he had actually believed her and not called that out as just so out of character.

"I'm sorry, Monica...I don't want you thinking I'm stealing Chandler," Phoebe said.

"No, you don't have to apologize...I made that topless dancing story up because you two seem to have so much fun together and I know you guys think I'm uptight and controlling and stuff and I just wanted to...fit in, I guess," Monica said.

That made sense to Chandler. Phoebe and Monica kept talking as Chandler let Monica's words sink in. She had wanted to fit in, so had he. His whole life was about fitting in. Maybe he and Monica were more alike than he thought. He was happy though that both girls were there.

"Hmmm, this was a good night," Chandler said as placed an arm around Phoebe and an arm around Monica. The two girls gently fell onto him as they all fell silent when Monica looked up at him again. Her eyes filled with tears again. She looked so fragile in that moment. He gave her another kiss as she rested on his shoulder again.

It was later that day when he was in his room when Monica appeared in his bedroom and shut the door behind her. She was still upset as she walked towards him and sat on his bed, staring at him.

"You did leave me. When you graduated NYU, you left and isolated yourself in your house. If I hadn't invited you to dinner or gone to find you before Ross' wedding...would I have ever seen you again?"

"Monica."

"No, no...don't...no...so don't you dare tell me you will never leave me. You did and I do love you Chandler. I do...but I can't...you left me."

Monica had tears streaming down her face as Chandler sat up, alarmed. He gently cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. She smiled at him as he wiped away her tears.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm mad that I didn't get invited to your twenty first birthday, I would have liked to have bought you your first legal drink...but I'm sorry that you think I don't care. I'm sorry that I left...and I'm sorry about Kip. But I'm here because of you and I'm staying because of you. You make me better than I ever thought I could be."

"I'm not even that upset about Kip. I'm upset I might have hurt you," Monica said.

Chandler smiled as he kissed her again. She smiled at him as she took a deep breath. 1993 was going to be different. He was going to be happy this year. That was his promise. When they finished kissing, Chandler got up off the bed and reached for Monica's hand, gently pulling her off the bed. They walked towards Chandler's pile of movies and grabbed _When Harry Met Sally_ from the pile. They walked out of his bedroom and out of the apartment into apartment 20. Monica sat on the couch while Chandler got the movie ready. He pressed play and sat next to Monica as she cuddled next to him. Phoebe soon joined them. 1993 was going to be a good year, Chandler felt. It would definitely be a good one.


	26. Chapter 26

**July 1993**

Chandler's hand shook as he read the note. It had been a fantastic July 4th weekend. He had gone with Phoebe, Monica and Ross up to Long Island to spend the weekend. He had Phoebe drive as ever since her birthday five months earlier when he had gone with Phoebe to visit her step father in prison and Phoebe had admitted to Chandler that she had always wanted to learn to drive, he had taken it upon himself to do teach her. Of course, there had been jokes from Ross about how Chandler had driven into a house, but he felt like quite the expert teacher when Phoebe had driven them all safely to Long Island. He was also happy Ross was there, deciding to tag along after Carol decided to spend the holiday weekend with her friend, Susan. This seemed strange, but Chandler was glad they were together. They drank, went jet skiing, lay out. It just seemed like the perfect weekend and now there he was, staring at a note from Kip saying he had moved out. When Chandler walked into Kip's room, sure enough it was empty. Chandler and Kip had not really been on the best of terms ever since Kip and Monica had broken up. Chandler knew Kip had begun dating a girl about a month after and slowly began spending more and more time at her place, but now Kip was gone and Chandler felt let down. Kip had not even said goodbye. He immediately recalled that memory of his dad doing the same thing all those years ago, leaving without saying goodbye. He truly hated that, wishing he wasn't the type that people could easily leave without saying goodbye to. It's why he preferred the isolation, preferred sitting alone and watching movies. No one would leave if he was alone.

"Hey, Chandler...we're going downstairs for a drink. You wanna come?" Monica asked as she walked through the door. Chandler turned to look at her.

"Kip moved out."

"What?"

Chandler handed Monica the note and walked towards his couch and sat down. He turned on the television and watched out of the corner of his eye as Monica walked into Kip's room and back out.

"When did he move out?" Monica asked.

"This weekend. While we were away. Never even bothered saying goodbye. Must be taking lessons from my dad."

Monica let out a snort and sat next to him. He kept staring at the television. Monica grabbed the remote and turned it off. She stared at him.

"Hey, you are more than capable of doing the exact same thing...leaving or cutting yourself off without saying a word," Monica said.

"I am not."

"Would you have shown up at Ross' wedding if I hadn't come and gotten you? You cut yourself off from me and Ross without saying goodbye. We had to come get you."

"Really not in the mood," Chandler said.

"You never are. You haven't been friends with Kip in a long time. You made the decision to end that friendship. He didn't have to say to goodbye to you. You weren't friends anymore," Monica said.

"Because he hurt you."

"That's not the reason and you know it. The reason you stopped being friends with Kip was because he was dating me and now, you need to get a new roommate because if you don't...you're probably gonna become a hermit again and you know, go to work, come home and not talk to me or Pheebs...and I would hate that and so would Phoebe. She adores you and I've never told her how easily you can cut yourself off from people who adore you," Monica said.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Yes, you would...'cause you have. You don't get it. I see right through you Bing."

Chandler let out a sigh. She was right. She was always right.

"I did fuck up that friendship. My friendship with Kip."

"Yeah...and you keep trying to fuck up your friendship with me and I'm not having it, buddy," Monica said as she gently ran her fingers through his hair. He smiled as he looked at her.

"Maybe I can get a roommate."

"You should...and you will," Monica said.

"Maybe I should get a hot roommate...like a model...a bikini model-"

"No," Monica said.

"No?" Chandler asked, smiling at her.

"You shouldn't have a female roommate," Monica said.

"Why not?"

"'Cause you shouldn't."

"'Why not?" Chandler asked.

"'Cause...you're a guy and you know...no girl would like this apartment-"

"What if I got like a sexy co-ed?"

"No."

"A porn star?"

"No."

"Two lesbians and a puppy?" Chandler asked, grinning at her. He loved playing with her, making her nostrils flair and getting her all worked up. She kept letting out these short, agitated breaths.

"No."

"What if the two lesbians had a baby? Awww...wouldn't that be cute? And what if they let you babysit?" Chandler said. Monica was getting more and more irritated as she gently smacked him. Chandler started laughing.

"I-I-you-no," Monica said.

"Oh and the lesbians could also be moonlighting as strippers, you know to pay their way through college...and raise their baby. I would watch that," Chandler said.

"You know, fine...get two lesbian roommates...it'll just be another example of two more women you don't have a shot in hell of getting," Monica grinned. Chandler smiled as well as he nodded his head and looked at her.

"Well played, Geller. Well played," Chandler said.

"Thank you. Now, you will you come with us and drink."

"Yes," Chandler said as Monica stood up and reached for his hand. Chandler grabbed it and Monica gently pulled him up. He wrapped his arm around her and she wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked towards the door.

"Will you get a male roommate?" Monica asked.

"Yes."

"Make sure he's hot."

"No," Chandler said.

Monica laughed as she stood on her toes to plant a kiss on Chandler's cheek. They walked out the door and into Monica and Phoebe's apartment. The trio went downstairs to get drinks and discuss Kip's departure. It did kind of upset Chandler. Kip had been his best friend at one point. He had liked Kip more than he had liked Ross at first...but maybe the next roommate would be better. He could only hope.

It was a few days later when Chandler had gone with Phoebe so she could take her Driver's Test. As he sat there waiting, he looked around and remembered his sixteenth birthday when he took the test and walked out to find his mother making out with some dude. He looked down at the seat he was sitting on and prayed that he wasn't sitting in that exact spot, just to be sure though, he moved one over and looked down at his yellow legal note pad where he was writing his roommate ad. Every time he tried though, he just could not concentrate. He kept thinking about Phoebe. When he had given her that money, there was no way for him to know what would happen. She had truly taken advantage of the opportunity which he thought was amazing and when she came back from the test, she was grinning. Chandler stood up as she walked towards him

"You did it?" Chandler asked as Phoebe ran up to him, grinning, holding up a piece of paper.

"I did, I got my license. The took off points for a few rough stops."

Chandler nodded. Phoebe was the worst stopper in the world. He had tried so hard to get her to learn to stop gently, but unfortunately, she liked the quick stop.

"Yeah...it's like an egg."

"I didn't drive into any houses," Phoebe grinned.

"Good for you," Chandler said. That had been a recurring joke all July 4th weekend. After Ross learned that Chandler was teaching Phoebe how to drive, he kept exclaiming that Chandler had killed Sally by driving her into a house. Chandler felt it was just still too soon.

"I know. I have to go take my picture and then we can go for lunch?"

"Perfect."

Chandler watched as Phoebe ran off to the counter and he walked outside. He felt so proud and for the first time ever in his life, he actually thought that he would make a terrific father. He shook his head. That was a bizarre thought. He did not want to have children. I mean, helping Phoebe was one thing but she was an adult. Raising a child? He knew for a fact that was the one thing he never wanted to do. He was thrilled when Phoebe finally appeared to save him from these bizarre thoughts of having children. Phoebe held out a piece of paper which Chandler took from her and began reading.

"Phoebe Buffay. Blonde hair, brown eyes...120 pounds-"

"I don't know if that's right. I haven't weighed myself since I worked at the Y."

"Awww...and 5"8...shrimp," Chandler smirked.

"Hey, now."

"Looks good...so now, you do realize, you are a fully functioning adult. You now have a bank account, a job, a home, a phone number, a license...although, we do live in New York but whatever, it's good to have, I taught you all the drinking games, I think you're up to date on pop culture...you are a grown up,"

"I am, I am," Phoebe said.

"I think my job here is done," Chandler said.

"Never," Phoebe said. "Thank you, Chandler. Just thank you...for everything. For being there and for...I don't know what I'd be doing if...I'd still be in school, I probably would still be living in Port Authority. You've done so much for me and I know you don't want me to repay you...but I want to do something."

"I keep saying you don't have to. It's fine. I'm glad I could help you," Chandler said. He always felt guilty when Phoebe would start thanking him for everything. The real reason for helping her in the first place had nothing to do with Phoebe. He never wanted to admit to that though.

"Well, maybe next year for your quarter of a century birthday we could do something."

"The only thing I ask is no surprise party." Chandler said.

"No surprise parties?"

"When I was nine, my parents threw me a surprise birthday-"

"That's nice."

"Would have been had they invited kids from my class. My father brought his dancers and lovers and put on a show and my mother had sex with five of the dancers. It wasn't really a kid friendly party. I did have my first tequila shot. I got to see an orgy and my mother introduced me to porn."

"Wow...unbelievable," Phoebe said.

And came the year after that, Chandler began thinking back...his tenth when Rick had given him the birthday gift he never wanted. He could still see the face of Rick. He knew the lines in Rick's face, the smell of his clothes. Chandler shook his head.

"Come on, let's go...lunch," Chandler said as he tossed the keys to Phoebe who drove out of the DMV, this time as a newly licensed driver.

As they sat in a restaurant near the DMV, Chandler was filling out a roommate application. Phoebe was helping. Chandler had never filled out a roommate application and wasn't sure what he was supposed to put.

"Alright, someone nice-"

"I always think that's dumb to put in an ad. Of course, you want someone nice. Are you gonna say, 'oh I want an asshole'." Phoebe said.

"True...I can't believe Kip didn't say goodbye though. He left a note. He was my best friend. I know I probably fucked up our friendship but...he was still my friend. He lived in our suite in college. Ross and I were in one room and Kip and his roommate, Josh lived in the room next to us. Josh was crazy. I remember him...he never washed his sheets and his sheets became yellower as the months went on and they smelled."

"He peed?"

"Yep...in his bed. When he had to go to the bathroom and didn't feel like getting out of bed, he just went."

"Ewwww, that's gross. Even when I was living in the junkyard, if I had to go to the bathroom, I'd go behind something so no one saw me. We'd also steal toilet paper," Phoebe said.

"You did?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"Yep, we'd go into public restrooms or restrooms at restaurants and just take their rolls of toilet paper. I mean, we figured...just cause we were homeless, didn't mean we couldn't be sanitary."

"That's funny...yeah, Kip, Ross and I hated this guy. I mean, I'd like to think I'm pretty laid back with like a lot of things...but you know, chewing with your mouth open, watching television till five in the morning with the volume turned all the way up...he was awful. He was rude too. So the three of us bonded and Josh eventually left and Kip got this other roommate whom we called, Gandolf because he loved to party and he was a party wizard and we had a lot of fun."

"Was it his idea for you to flash the tourists?" Phoebe asked.

"He dared me. Ross left that part out. Kip, Ross and Gandolf each bet me two hundred bucks each to do that...and I don't think they ever paid me. Kip was the one who told me that he had a spare room," Chandler said although he knew that was a bit of a lie. Monica had forced him into taking that room, but he had never told Phoebe about how he tried to cut Ross and Monica out of his life and he knew Monica hadn't either, "He was also the first and only person besides you whom I told about how I...never mind."

"About how you what?"

"Like...liked Monica," Chandler said, picking up his pen and twirling it around his fingers.

"You told him?"

"Yeah."

"And then he dated her?" Phoebe asked.

"Yep. Nice, right?" Chandler asked, knowing he was leaving out a lot of vital information to this story. A lot of what had happened in college, but he wanted to look good in this story and he wanted Phoebe to side with him.

"Why don't you go after her now?" Phoebe asked.

"She doesn't like me like that. I do like her. She's...perfect. I mean, I know she's insane and is probably very tough to live with. I've heard it from you and I've heard it from Ross. She is not easy...but she's still perfect."

"Perhaps you should put in the ad, 'must not date the girl who lives across the hall?'"

"Maybe...do you think she'll ever like me like that?"

"I don't know. I know she thinks you're hilarious and sweet... I mean, you acted a like an ass to your best friend just because he dumped her," Phoebe said.

"Well, if you have Monica, you don't hurt her. You certainly don't break up with her. You have Monica. Why would you let her go? If I ever get the chance...I would never let her go. Never. I would do anything she wanted me to do because I got Monica and that would mean I'd have everything," Chandler said although he felt like a huge liar. There was so much left out. He had tried to cut Monica out and he knew he had hurt her many times but it was different to him. He felt protective like he could hurt her or act like an ass but no one else was allowed to do that and that included Kip.

"Maybe it'll happen...one day," Phoebe said.

"It'll be nice...but I'm not holding my breath. Alright, roommate...must be employed. Neat-"

"Doesn't pee in their own bed."

"Good."

"Non smoker?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't care if they smoke or not."

"You just don't want them dating Monica."

"Exactly."

Chandler looked down at his pad and began working on the ad again. Who would be his ideal roommate? Someone nice? Someone Monica would find hideously unattractive? Someone who he would not find hideously unattractive?

"I think I wanna go to my grandmother's," Phoebe said.

Chandler looked up from his paper and looked at her. It had been right before the holiday weekend when Phoebe apparently had discovered she had a grandmother. She had a run in with Ursula and through Ursula had been told she had a grandmother. Phoebe had been going back and forth on whether or not she should see this grandmother.

"Today?"

"Yeah...after lunch. Can we?" Phoebe asked.

"Of course."

"And I'm telling my grandmother you paid for my education."

Chandler let out a snort. When he had gone with Phoebe to visit her step dad, she had told him that Chandler had paid for her education. That had been a strange experience in itself. He really just didn't want everyone knowing.

"No, stop-"

"I'm told my step father and I'm gonna tell my grandmother...and I told Ursula, although I didn't mention your name."

"You are not good with secrets."

"I am too. I just...my grandmother needs to know. That's important. She's going to wonder how I managed to get through school with no student loans."

She did have a point.

"Alright, alright...how you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

Chandler squeezed her hand and then looked back down at the paper in front of him. Maybe a homeless person could be his roommate? Monica had lucked out with Phoebe. Maybe he could add that? Must not have a home? He shook his head, he wanted someone with a job.

After lunch, Chandler drove towards Phoebe's grandmother's place, following her directions. He missed driving so much. He wondered if he could buy himself another car. He loved the freedom and the complete control he had. Driving into houses aside, Chandler had always felt he was a pretty good driver. The apartment was on Morton Street and when Chandler finally found a spot, they remained seated. Phoebe looked spooked.

"Why didn't she ever try to find me?" Phoebe asked.

"She may have," Chandler said.

"But before I ran away. I didn't know my grandparents...did you know yours?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler thought about that. Had he met his grandparents? He remembered a couple Christmases when he was about five and six meeting them. His mom's parents were a lot like his mom. His grandparents had been teen parents, only having Nora when they were fifteen years old so Chandler remembered his mom's parents partying with his mom during one of those club parties. His dad's parents? He never knew his dad's mom and his dad's dad? He remembered meeting him once and he reminded Chandler of Liberace, dripping in diamonds and fur.

"Not well. I saw them during holidays and stuff. Never really did much with them."

"I had no clue and I have so many questions. If she knew her daughter had died and she knew Ursula and I were alone...why didn't she come get us sooner?"

"You have to ask."

Phoebe nodded as the two got out of the car and walked to the building. She pressed the button of her grandmother's apartment. Chandler stood nervously by Phoebe's side when suddenly an elderly woman's voice came through the speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hi...is this Frances?" Phoebe asked

"I don't want any."

"No, no...it's Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay. I'm your granddaughter."

There was silence as both Chandler and Phoebe stared at the door wondering if it was going to buzz open or remain shut. When it buzzed, both suddenly jumped. Chandler opened the door and the two walked into the building and took the elevator up to the four flights stairs and walked to apartment number 14. Chandler grabbed Phoebe's hand while they walked towards the door. They stopped in front of it and knocked, not sure what to expect. Chandler felt himself getting more and more uncomfortable. He desperately wanted to run when the door suddenly opened and a small woman with curly hair wearing a long dress suddenly threw her arms around Phoebe, holding her tightly. Phoebe let go of Chandler's hand and hugged back. Chandler stared at the ground, wondering if he should leave. He really felt he should not be there but instead followed Phoebe and her grandmother inside the apartment and sat in one of the chairs as Phoebe and the grandmother sat on the couch.

"So...how's everyone doing today? Anything new?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe laughed as she wiped the tears away from her face and looked at Chandler.

"Um...this is Chandler, grandma...he's one of my best friends."

"Hi...I'm Chandler, I make jokes at awkward silences," Chandler grinned.

"Hello...now, Phoebe, honey, where have you been?" Frances asked.

"Around. I lived in a junkyard and in Port Authority and-"

"Where do you live now?" Frances asked.

"In an apartment on Bedford. I-I-see Chandler...okay, I got my GED when I was eighteen and I wanted a degree so by the time I was about twenty, twenty one, I made enough for one semester of school and then by coincidence I met Chandler on a subway and he ended up using his trust fund money to pay for my education...and my books and everything. He saved me-"

"You would have figured out a way," Chandler said, quietly. He really should not be there. He needed an out. This wasn't something he needed to be privy too. It was a family moment that did not involve him although it did occur to him once again the parallels between his life and Phoebe's. He knew exactly what it felt like to wonder why no one was out there looking for him. He hadn't spoken with either one of his parents in so long.

"I don't know if I would have...well, I'm a licensed masseuse. I have a job and everything. I found an apartment and I have a roommate named Monica and Chandler lives next door," Phoebe said.

"Oh my...and Chandler, you paid for all of this. That's amazing," Frances said.

"It's not...it's fine...I-it wasn't-" Chandler stuttered.

Phoebe smiled at him as she continued talking to her grandmother about Ursula and about Phoebe's mother when Chandler decided he needed to leave. This wasn't his moment.

"You know, I think I should go," Chandler said, getting up.

"Chandler," Phoebe said.

"I'm going to place my roommate ad and I'll be back in an hour," Chandler said as he walked towards the door. Phoebe got up and followed him to the door. She grabbed his arm.

"Please don't leave."

"Phoebe, you can do this. You've done everything else. You don't need me here. You just think you do. I will be back in one hour. I promise," Chandler said.

Phoebe nodded as she hugged him. Chandler smiled as he walked out, walked towards the car and headed off to place the roommate ad. He had decided on a male roommate, neat, friendly, employed...and at the last moment, decided to leave out hideously unattractive.


	27. Chapter 27

**September 1993**

The potential roommates were amazing. Chandler thought perhaps he was in some sort of warped sitcom. There was the guy with the ferrets, the guy who made a sound when he said Chandler's name. There was the guy who was way too shady about what he did for a living which convinced Chandler the guy had been working for the mob which although was tempting, he decided that against it feeling that he didn't like fish enough to eat it, let alone sleep with them. That joke made him laugh even though it was lost on both Monica and Phoebe.. There were way too many bizarre people out there and Chandler had contemplated calling off the whole thing but Monica kept telling him that he needed to stick it out.

It was after bidding farewell to the potential roommate with the ferrets when he first noticed something going on with Phoebe. She kept carrying her stuff out of the apartment she shared with Monica and it was late one night in August after Chandler was arriving home after having gone to a game with Tyler when he noticed Phoebe walking out of her apartment carrying an overnight bag.

"Where are you going?" Chandler asked.

"I'll be back," Phoebe said.

"When?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe let out a sigh as she looked back at the door of apartment 20 and grabbed Chandler's hand towards his door. Chandler unlocked it and walked in. Phoebe followed. The two sat together on the couch. Chandler began to feel worried.

"I'm moving out."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Monica and I got into a huge fight because I got a water stain on a glass and...I'm moving in with my grandmother. I haven't figured out a way to tell Monica so I'm just moving out bit by bit."

"So you're gonna leave us without saying goodbye?" Chandler's heart dropped. Phoebe was leaving too? He shook his head, of course she was. It had been too good to be true.

"No. No...I'm not-"

"You're doing what Kip did."

"I am not doing what Kip did. First of all, I have a grandmother that I haven't seen ever...and second, I love Monica so much. She's...amazing and wonderful and I want us to be friends forever, but if I live in that apartment, I don't see that happening. This is so different than what Kip did and I'm not gonna say goodbye to you because I'm not leaving you."

"You can stay with me. I have an extra room."

"That wouldn't awkward. Chandler...I have a grandmother. I have a family. I have not had family is so long. I want that. I deserve that."

"Fine," Chandler said as he got up and walked towards his door.

"Chandler, this isn't about you and please do not tell Monica."

"I won't...it's fine," Chandler said as he walked into his room and shut the door behind him. He lay down on his bed. Phoebe walked in and lay down next to him.

"Listen to me...I am not leaving you. I am not going away. You can try as hard as you can to push and I still won't leave you. I'm going to see you tomorrow and every week on Wednesdays we are going to have our weekly pizza lunch together. I am not going to let our friendship die."

"It won't be the same."

"It will. I promise you. I love you so much, Chandler."

He smiled as he gave Phoebe a kiss on the cheek. He was not used to people wanting to stay in his life. He was not used to people sticking around and it felt so strange when people told him that they would be staying with him.

As the weeks went by though, Phoebe did seem to be sticking to her promise. It really did seem like nothing had changed except that now Chandler knew this secret that he couldn't tell Monica. He hated keeping secrets from Monica but Phoebe had wanted to tell her so he'd let Phoebe have that moment and he continued his desperate search for a roommate.

It was late September and Chandler had officially been looking for a roommate for two months and had turned them all down. Now he had it narrowed down to two. Some guy who had a sister who was a porn star and an Italian guy who thought Chandler was gay. Chandler had been leaning towards the guy with the porn star sister, sure he seemed dull, but he had a porn star for a sister and Monica did not find the guy attractive so it was a definite plus but when Dull Guy didn't show up to move in, Chandler immediately called the Italian guy. His name was Joey, from Queens. He was an actor and not unattractive. Chandler had really not wanted Joey, thinking he was kind of an idiot meat head and was seemingly unemployed, but by then Chandler was desperate. He really did not want to pay another month's rent all by himself so he just took in Joey and prayed the guy would be able to contribute at least a little bit towards rent.

The night Joey moved in, Chandler stayed in his room. He really didn't want to talk to Joey or get to know him thinking that eventually Joey would probably leave anyway but he got bored and walked out of his room to see Joey sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching some television show.

"What are you watching?" Chandler asked.

"Baywatch"

"What's it about?"

"Lifeguards."

"Well, that seems...whoa..." Chandler said as he sat down next to Joey. Where had this come from? He had always thought he was fairly well versed in pop culture. He had watched every show there was to watch, seen every movie there was to see. He was the king, but this...how had he missed this...these women who were in red bathing suits and running on the beach, just running.

"They run a lot," Joey said.

"As they should...oh good lord, who's she?" Chandler asked.

"That my friend...Yasmine Bleeth."

"Oh, she's pretty."

Chandler was memorized by the brunette on the screen with the light blue eyes. He liked her a lot. Yep, definitely his type.

"You wanna a beer?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, I'll-" Chandler said as he got up. Joey stopped him and motioned to cooler he had moved to the couch filled with beers. He handed one to Chandler who just smiled and thanked him. He kinda liked this guy and liked him even more when Joey began filling Chandler in on his life up to that point.

"So yeah...I'm twenty five. I grew up in Queens. After high school, I worked construction and then I moved to Los Angeles to try to make it as an actor...I ended up working at Disneyland."

"Really?" Chandler asked, his ears perked.

"Yeah. I worked on Main Street or something. It was a horrible job. I quit the day I had to clean up some college kid's shit. He shit all over Space Mountain," Joey said.

Chandler's eyes widened. It was him. Joey. Joey was the guy who had stolen Snow White from him. Joey was the one who had cleaned up Ross' shit. This was amazing but he couldn't tell Joey it was Ross. Joey would be meeting Ross probably later.

"Oh my G-d," Chandler said.

"What?"

"You're the guy."

"What guy?"

"You cleaned up my friend's shit." Chandler said.

"Wait...come again?"

"Okay, during college, Kip, the guy who used to live in your room, Ross, whom you'll meet later and my other friend all went on a cross country trip and..." Chandler stopped, he couldn't say Ross. "Kip ate too many tacos off some guy's truck and shit all over Space Mountain."

"Gross. It was disgusting. I quit soon after. Although if I remember correctly, I did hook up with Snow White that night," Joey said.

"Really? I actually hit on Snow White. She rejected me."

"Ehhh, Snow White was a whore. She got knocked up by one of the Dwarves," Joey said.

"Really? Which one?"

"Sleepy."

"Guess he wasn't that sleepy after all," Chandler mused.

"Although, he's probably pretty sleepy now."

Chandler laughed as he and Joey turned to watch television. That was truly amazing. Joey had been there that day. He had hated Joey...but now, kinda liked him. Actually really liked him. Joey knew actors, knew movies and knew all the old movies that Chandler loved. During commercial breaks, there were discussions about the Godfather movies and Back to the Future and Michael J. Fox which made Chandler think of Monica as he realized the character of Lauren on Family Ties looked identical to Monica, he had never realized that, as if they were the same person. It was somewhere around that thought process where they ran out of beers and Chandler headed next door to see if Monica had stocked up.

"Hey, you have any beers?" Chandler asked as he walked into the apartment.

"In the fridge," Monica said, sounding sad.

"You alright?"

"Phoebe moved out."

"Ahhhh...yeah, I know," Chandler said, wincing a little. Monica cocked her head to the side and stared at him.

"If you knew, why didn't you tell me?"

"She wanted to tell you."

"G-d, am I that difficult? I mean, really Chandler...am I that difficult of a person to deal with? Phoebe said the only way she could see us being friends is if we didn't live together," Monica said, her eyes filling with tears. Chandler walked towards her, concerned and immediately embraced her.

"Mon-"

"Maybe this is why I don't have a boyfriend and Kip moved on so fast and he's...engaged and I'm alone."

That broke Chandler's heart as it really did dawn on him that maybe Monica had really liked Kip.

"No...no, Mon...I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend. I don't think you're difficult...you're Monica. Just...you know, maybe with Phoebe...I mean, she was homeless for ten years, I really don't think she cares about which towels she should use. She's probably just happy she's got a warm meal and a home."

"Would it better if I stopped caring about that?"

"No. No...hey, you're my Sally...not the one I drove into the house."

"I know."

"And the best thing about Sally is how anal she is...how fantastically wonderful it is and if I'm your Harry...then I love it. I love that you care about that crap and I hope you never stop. I love that you get angry if there are water stains on your glasses or if someone doesn't use a coaster. I love that you have your glasses in numerical order and I love that you don't let me get away with a goddamn thing. Please...just don't change...'cause you're perfect," Chandler said.

Monica smiled as she stood up on her toes and leaned into him, the two shared a kiss and when they parted, she stared at him.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you too, Sally."

"You know, you're getting good at comforting me. It's funny that you seem to know exactly what to say."

"I've had an amazing teacher," Chandler grinned as Monica smiled and kissed him again.

"Thank you, Chandler."

"Anytime...so you gonna get a roommate?"

"No...probably not. I can live alone."

"No," Chandler said, matter of factly. He didn't want Monica living alone. As he imagined her living alone, one thought popped into his head. That horrific Thanksgiving.

"No?"

"No...I don't want you living alone. Look, you told me I had to get a roommate and I'm glad you forced me too 'cause if it wasn't for Joey, I wouldn't have just spent the last six hours watching girls in bathing suits run on the beach. Seriously, the best six hours of my life. Now, I'm gonna force you-"

"You can't force-"

"Yes, I can. Mon...if you live alone...that-that would scare me. That image of you from Thanksgiving, making yourself throw up...that's even more engrained in my head than the Thanksgiving where my parents told me they were divorcing-"

"I haven't done that in years."

"Because you've had roommates. You had Phoebe and before that, you had that Jennie girl...please, get a roommate. For me?" Chandler asked. He was scared, freaked actually with the thought that Monica might revert back to that. "You mean too much to me Mon...everything I've accomplished so far in my adult life, you've pushed me to do. Please...or Joey and I will be here every single day...I will sleep on your goddamn couch. Joey will use your bathroom every single day...we've been roommates for eight hours and already, it smells like like a bomb exploded in there. I'll send him over here...don't think I won't."

Monica smiled at him as she gently touched his cheek. She kissed him again.

"You're very sweet...and hey, you're starting to care about others. I taught you well?"

"Well...you and Phoebe."

"You know, she's not gonna leave you, right? She said you were really upset and thought she was going to ditch you. She's not leaving you. She's still your friend. She's crazy about you and I still think you two would make cute couple."

"She's not my type," Chandler said, looking at Monica. "You are."

Monica took a deep breath as they continued embracing and soon they separated.

"I'm gonna go change," Monica said.

"Okay...you wanna get drinks later. I'm gonna show Joey the bar...and oh, you can meet him."

"I've met him," Monica said, grinning. "And don't worry...I won't be dating him ever."

Chandler cocked his head to the side as Monica walked into her room and shut the door behind her. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed some beers and walked into his apartment where Joey was sitting. He walked over to him and handed Joey a beer.

"Thanks, man," Joey said.

"Hey...have you met Monica?"

"The girl next door?"

"Yeah...it was funny...she said she would never date you. What did you do?" Chandler asked.

"She asked me in for lemonade."

"And you peed in the lemonade?"

"No, I got naked."

"Wh-wh-why?" Chandler asked.

"A few years ago, some girl...I don't know her name...she invited me in for lemonade and we had a threesome with her roommate."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"I know...but apparently Monica meant lemonade."

Chandler laughed as he shook his head. "Well, thanks for that."

"You're welcome...wait, do you like her?"

"Yeah...I do."

"Then go get her."

"She's not interested."

"Make her interested."

"I'm trying."

"Well, don't worry, Chan. I'm not going after her. First of all, after today, I doubt she'd be interested and second...I don't go after a girl a friend likes."

"You consider us friends already?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Thanks, man."

The two continued watching television and commenting on the action of Baywatch. Chandler was really feeling a connection with this guy. It was strange to him. He felt like it was the beginning of a great friendship.

A few hours later, Monica, Chandler and Joey headed down to the bar as they walked in, Phoebe and Ross were sitting on the pool table talking. Chandler got the feeling they walked in on something but before he could ask, Ross dropped the bomb that his marriage to Carol was over because she was a lesbian. Chandler felt awful for his friend. Monica immediately began comforting him, as did the others. Chandler was secretly grateful that he had told Joey that it was Kip who had let loose on Space Mountain, he couldn't imagine what would have happened if he had said it was Ross.

Soon, Monica and Ross were sitting together at a table while Monica comforted him and Chandler and Joey began playing pool with Phoebe watching from the bar. She seemed lost in her own world and Chandler wasn't expecting another surprise as Joey walked up to him.

"I know that girl," Joey said, motioning to Phoebe who currently had her back to them, drinking at the bar.

"How do you know her? Was she the girl you had a threesome with?" Chandler asked although that seemed rather unlikely.

"No, no...I used to work construction and this really hot blonde kept walking by and I gave her my number and she never called," Joey mused.

Chandler's mouth dropped as he looked at Joey and back at Phoebe. It couldn't be possible could it? Chandler decided that he needed to have a little fun.

"Come with me," Chandler said, "tell her you know her."

"What?"

"I met her once at a movie theater and I asked for her number and she never gave it to me...turns out from the ages of fourteen to twenty four she was homeless."

"Really? That explains a lot," Joey said.

"Come on...I wanna have some fun," Chandler said as they walked towards Phoebe and sat on either side of her. Phoebe looked back and forth between them. Chandler could not stop grinning.

"I know you," Joey said.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"You knew Joey too. He said that he gave you his number...you slutty little homeless girl," Chandler said.

"I used to work construction. You were the hot blonde that kept walking by this site I worked at. I gave you my number and you never called," Joey said.

"How do even know it was me?" Phoebe asked.

"Girls don't usually blow me off so I usually remember the ones that do," Joey said.

Chandler let out a snort as he let Joey's words sink in. Joey was going to be a fun roommate, definitely although he did have a feeling that he would end up just being the funny roommate.

"I-well, okay...I got your number because when I didn't give Chandler mine, he got all upset and I didn't want to hurt your feelings and-and...and I was homeless you jackasses," Phoebe said, both Chandler and Joey began laughing and each planted a kiss on her cheek. Chandler was having way too much fun.

"So you blew us both off," Chandler mused.

"Okay, Bing...for the last time, I did not reject you and Joey, I had no phone number to give you and even if I had and we had gone on a date...at that time, I guess you would've been picking me up at a junkyard or the Y. Chandler, you definitely would've been picking me up at a junkyard."

"It's so fun to play with your head," Chandler said, laughing a little.

"I know. I can't believe this though...how small the world actually is. I never thought I'd ever see you again Joey...Chandler, I never thought I'd see you either until that day when I moved into Monica's. Wow...well, I'm glad you two are here," Phoebe said.

"Play with me, Pheebs," Chandler said.

"Yeah, come on...and maybe this time you'll give me your number," Joey said.

"Don't hold your breath," Phoebe grinned.

The trio got up and walked over to the pool table where a game began and soon Monica and Ross joined them. They spent hour or so there just hanging out. When it was time to leave, they decided to meet for brunch the next day. Chandler was very happy by this. Although it was sad that Ross' marriage was ending, he liked their group, liked that it felt like a family even though Joey had been part of their group for a few hours. They all just clicked. It was something Chandler loved. It seemed like the start of something that he had always wanted...a family.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Hey...first, I wanted to thank all those who have been reviewing! You are awesome and dress fantastically. In fact, I love that outfit you have on! :) Second...and far more serious...because I haven't a clue as to where any of you are from-if you or anyone you know is connected either directly or indirectly to the horrific tragedy in Colorado, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.**_

_** I hope you enjoy this chapter, I tried to add humor...and of course some Mondler. **_

**April 8, 1994**

He was twenty five. Twenty five and actually happy. He had a fantastic roommate. Joey was funny, maybe not the brightest guy in the world, but definitely awesome and better than Kip. Ross was also back in his life. While he did feel sad that Ross and Carol's marriage had ended, he secretly liked having his best friend back. Things were going well with Monica and Phoebe has kept her word. Chandler was actually happy. It made him nervous how happy he was but he was. He woke up that morning actually happy to go to work which was strange in itself. When he walked out of his room, he saw Joey sitting at the counter waiting for him. Joey Tribbiani, there was guy he never would have imagined becoming friends with. Sure there was the small fact that Joey paid about a third of the rent each month and some of the utilities and that Chandler somehow found himself paying for Joey's acting classes and head shots, his old buddy Tyler kept calling Chandler an idiot, that he should kick Joey out and get a roommate who could pay his fair share, but Chandler couldn't do that. He liked the guy. He was a stand up kind of guy, the type of guy who would go to great lengths to protect those he cared about and on top of everything, Joey was the type to be very optimistic which was something Chandler wasn't and hoped would rub off on him.

"Happy birthday, buddy. I made you breakfast," Joey said as he pushed a bowl of Captain Crunch towards him. Chandler smiled.

"Hmmm, hope it wasn't difficult," Chandler said.

"I spent twenty minutes trying to find a clean spoon."

"I-I hope you found one," Chandler said.

"I did. You got it."

"Awww. Thanks."

"So what's the plan for today?"

"Work...or maybe just showing up. I'm on level ten on Tetris."

"Score...what time are you gonna be home?" Joey asked.

"I don't know. I kinda wanna get outta there by six," Chandler said.

"You can't get home before six."

"Why not?"

"'Cause you just can't, alright," Joey said sounding rather flustered. Chandler laughed. Something was going on. He had a feeling something was being planned in his honor which made him feel kinda warm and mushy inside. He wasn't sure anyone had ever actually taken the time to plan a party for him. He was going to say something else when Monica angrily stormed into their apartment.

"Okay, will you boys stop stealing my bras," Monica said before stopping and shaking her head. Chandler and Joey exchanged a look and giggled. Chandler had never had a brother and Joey only had sisters and the two seem to form an almost brother like bond from the moment they met. Chandler loved that Joey was a more than willing participant in all pranks or jokes. Their favorite current target was of course, Monica. This one involved stealing Monica's bras to use as sling shots to sling water balloons at some kids that lived in one of the apartments across the street. Okay, this wasn't targeted at Monica, but they needed her stuff.

"But you don't understand...it's better traction or whatever," Joey said, miming aiming a sling shot.

"You're stretching them out. Chandler, your father is a drag queen. He doesn't have a bra you can borrow?" Monica asked, grinning at him.

"He prefers to go braless, thank you very much...as does my mother," Chandler said, smiling slightly.

"Dude, I wanna meet your parents," Joey said.

"No you don't," Chandler said.

"And I also really did not appreciate the cricket chirping CD you put in Phoebe's old room. It drove me nuts last night...seriously, you two...if you two continue pulling stuff like this, you guys will not be allowed to play together anymore...or I'll give both of you a time out. Don't think I won't. 'Cause I so will...I'm just that controlling," Monica said, smiling.

"He started it," Joey said, pointing at Chandler.

"No, you started it," Chandler said.

"No, it was all you."

"Dude, that is so not cool," Chandler said.

"It's like you two are twelve," Monica said.

"Six and a half," Chandler remarked.

"Six and three quarters," Joey said.

"Why do you start?" Chandler asked.

"Eat your breakfast, man," Joey said.

Chandler let out a snort as he picked up spoonful of Captain Crunch when suddenly Monica let out a squeal of disgust.

"Oh, gross what's in your cereal?" Monica asked.

Chandler looked down and noticed what he knew to be a plastic cockroach floating. Chandler let out a laugh as did Joey. The two had recently gone to a prank store and bought fake bugs. It had been a fun day until they had been asked to leave the store after pelting each other with fake insects. Chandler picked up the cockroach and looked at Joey who was laughing.

"Happy birthday, buddy," Joey said.

"That's disgusting," Monica said.

Chandler looked at Monica and his smile became even bigger, "Mon, watch out. Flying cockroach." Chandler jokingly threw the plastic toy at Monica who began jumping and squealing while Joey and Chandler laughed.

"You...you...I am going to kill you," Monica said.

"Love you, Mon," Chandler said as Monica just glared at him and walked out the door. Joey turned to Chandler as the two continued talking.

"Oh, oh...dude, I'm thinking...okay, remember how we were shooting darts yesterday...I got an idea. I'm thinking I pick up like twenty hammers at the hardware store and we kick our game up a notch," Joey said.

"I'm intrigued," Chandler grinned. It was another favorite past time of Joey and Chandler's, it seemed, to find ordinary games and kicking them up a few notches. When they weren't finding ways to prank Monica, they taking regular games and adding some sort of element to make it more extreme. The recent was finding ways to make darts more fun. Chandler didn't mind, actually he loved it. He had never had a friend like Joey Tribbiani and he hoped they would continue that way for a long time. Being around Joey, he felt like he finally got a childhood. He got to play and he could not wait to throw hammers at the wall.

That afternoon, he met Phoebe for lunch. In addition to their regular Wednesday pizza lunch, Phoebe wanted to take him out for his birthday and it was something he was definitely on board with. He really was impressed with Phoebe, she was keeping her promise. She was not going to ditch him. They sat across from each other, eating their second pizza meal in a week and Chandler could tell that Phoebe was just beyond happy about something.

"So, how has your day been so far, birthday boy?" Phoebe asked.

"Good. My boss brought doughnuts. I ate four," Chandler said, although the doughnuts were not really for his birthday, but for a meeting. He still ate four though and was quite proud until he called Joey to tell him and Joey informed him he had once stuffed six doughnuts in his mouth and now he felt he had a challenge.

"Nice and now you're having pizza."

"I plan to be nice and fat for my party tonight," Chandler grinned.

"What party?" Phoebe asked.

"I know," Chandler said, knowing full well Phoebe was playing dumb.

"Nothing is happening."

"Uh-huh. You know, this morning, Joey asked when I gonna be home from work and I said I wanna get out of there around six and he said that might be fine, but I definitely can't get home before six and when I asked why, he yelled at me and told me not to be home before six."

"Oh, Joey."

"So what time should I be home tonight?" Chandler asked.

"Six thirty," Phoebe said.

"Alright, I can play Tetris on my computer for another half hour."

"You know, I like Joey."

"Me too. He's a real stand up guy. Just a good guy," Chandler said.

"You don't think he'll ever try to date Monica?"

"No. Although, did he tell you he stripped naked in front of Monica the day he moved in?" Chandler asked.

"Monica told me. She was like, 'I invited him for lemonade...and that was all'...so honestly Chandler, even if Joey wanted to date Monica, I think he screwed his chances the minute he took an invitation for lemonade as a come on."

"When he told me that...I just laughed."

"You know what? Maybe now that you're a quarter century...Monica will finally see you for the stud you are."

Chandler grinned as he shook his head. It had been something he had been wrestling a lot with lately, his feelings for Monica. He loved her, he did but it was becoming very obvious to him that it would never happen. He wanted to date more, he wanted to get back out there. He was twenty five. He hated that Joey was often the one going out on dates, he wanted some action of his own and he wasn't sure waiting for Monica was the best strategy anymore, "You know, I was thinking...I think I'm gonna move on from Monica."

"What?"

"I have had a crush on that girl for...well not from the time I first met her...but well, for the past seven of the eight years I've known her and she knows I like her...and she doesn't like me like that and I don't think she ever will."

Although, Chandler did wonder if that was true. If there was a possibility Monica liked him back but just didn't want to say anything. It felt easier to just assume that Monica did not like him the same way, it would make it easier for him to move on.

"She will."

"When? I'm twenty five years old and I don't think I've had an official real girlfriend a very long time...since Lizzie and that was five years ago and Monica has made it really clear it's not going to be her. I can't sit around and wait. Okay, be honest...has Mon ever given you a hint that she might like me like that," Chandler said, although not really wanting the answer. He knew though Phoebe would probably know the truth.

"Well, I know she loves you. I mean, she thought I was stealing you from her. She does love you."

"The way I love her?" Chandler asked, ignoring that part of him that thought Monica just might feel the same.

"No," Phoebe said, quietly.

"Maybe she's not the one...maybe she's the one for someone else, but not me. I'm too far in the friend zone...unless..."

"What?"

"You wanna be my girlfriend?" Chandler asked, no longer wanting to discuss this..

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't be a guy's second choice...or the girl a guy settles for because he can't get Monica."

Chandler smiled as he continued eating. It would be hard but maybe he did need to move on. Sure, if Monica ever told him that she was ready for him, he would date her. But she kept saying no, so maybe he needed to finally take that as a sign. Besides, he missed having a girlfriend.

After lunch, Chandler had a meeting with his accountant, Daniel Kensington. After contributing to Phoebe's education, he felt he wanted to help more with his trust fund. He wanted to invest in someone else. Daniel looked at him, a bit confused as Chandler was explaining the situation.

"You wanna invest in a struggling actor?" Daniel asked.

"Well, yeah...he's talented and it's...I mean, right now, I know I can't use it for stuff like rent and utilities-"

"Why can't you get a roommate that pays rent?" Daniel asked.

"This guy's like a brother to me. I've only known him for seven months...but he's seriously like a brother to me. I wanna contribute to his head shots and acting classes...that kind of stuff. Come on, I love what I did for Phoebe. She's got a job now and lives with her grandmother-"

"Wait, you said she was homeless. We never found a grandmother when we did research-"

"I don't think you would've. She lived in San Diego and apparently didn't know that her daughter had died and when she got to New York to find Phoebe and her sister, Phoebe had left. Look, I wanna do something else with it and it is my money, right? I'm still not asking for a pony."

"You're still on the pony?"

"I will never be off the pony," Chandler grinned.

"Alright, alright...I'll see what I can do. Happy birthday, by the way. Twenty five."

"Yep...still can't believe I'm actually alive," Chandler mused. A scary but true thought. Chandler had put himself through so much in twenty five years, so much drinking, so much of everything and twenty five felt a bit calmer to him. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was actually looking forward to the next chapter, the next step in his life.

He was done with work early, not really in the mood to stick around until six. So Chandler headed to Central Perk to wait. In the last seven months, the bar was now slowly becoming a coffee house called, Central Perk. It had been closed for reconstruction for several months, but now was finally open. It was a cute place, charming actually. It felt very comfortable, sure Chandler definitely missed the bar but drinking coffee every single day was a habit he was more than happy to develop. So he grabbed some coffee and sat, waiting until he knew it would be okay to head up to Monica's apartment.

"Is this seat taken?"

Chandler looked up from the magazine he was reading and locked eyes with a pretty brunette. She had a very nasally sounding voice, long curly brown hair and big brown eyes. Almost his type, but he was moving on from Monica.

"No."

"Great...so I'm Janice. You're kinda cute, what's your name?"

"Chandler."

"Chandler? Chandler what?"

"Chandler Bing."

"Well, nice to meet you Chandler Bing."

Chandler smiled. She was aggressive, definitely aggressive. Chandler had never been aggressive about anything, but maybe he would now. Maybe at twenty five, it was time for him to take a risk, to try new things, new people. Monica clearly wasn't interested in him or if she was...it still seemed she didn't want to date him.

"So tell me Chandler Bing," Janice said, "what's a cute guy like you doing here all alone on a Friday night?"

"It's my birthday. My friends are upstairs getting ready to throw me a surprise party. So I'm waiting."

"Doesn't seem like much of a surprise then," Janice said.

"They're not that good at surprises. Hey, do you wanna come?" Chandler asked, shocked at the words coming out of his mouth.

"You're inviting me to your birthday?"

"Yeah, that's weird. I'm sorry."

"No, it's sweet. I'll come."

She was nothing like Monica. She was loud...well, louder than Monica... she was forceful, she seemed to find nothing strange about being invited to a birthday party of guy she just met and Chandler was enthralled. Maybe he needed someone the opposite of Monica. He needed someone like Janice. Besides, it had been five years since Lizzie had left his life and he really had not had a girlfriend since. Maybe now was the time.

He walked up to Monica's apartment at a little after 6:30. He was practically beaming as he walked in and Phoebe and Monica both ran up to him. He placed an arm around each of them as they both kissed him. He looked around the room, there were about fourteen trays of different kinds of macaroni and cheese and other food. There were movies and video games set up. It was absolutely perfect.

"Happy birthday," Phoebe said.

"Happy birthday, Chandler," Monica said.

"Thank you. Wow, this is amazing. Hey guys...hey, Tyler," Chandler said as he walked towards Tyler to give him a hug.

"Hey, man...we're playing beer pong on balcony," Tyler said.

"Seriously?" Chandler asked. He loved that game. He was still a legend...unbeatable.

"I set up a table out there. Enjoy," Monica smiled.

"Oh, you're amazing...Ross, you gonna play with me?" Chandler asked.

"I hate playing against you," Ross said.

"'Cause you always lose?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Ross said.

"Come on...let's play," Chandler said as he, Tyler, Ross and Joey walked towards the balcony when suddenly Chandler stopped and looked back at Phoebe and Monica. "Oh, by the way...I met someone."

"You did?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. I met her at the coffee shop when I was waiting to come up here. I invited her. She'll be here later. She had to go home and feed her dog first. Her name is Janice. Is that okay?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, of course...we have fourteen kinds of macaroni and cheese," Monica said.

"Great...alright...let's play. Joe, have you ever played beer pong?" Chandler asked.

"No...never played. I want to though," Joey said.

"This man is unbeatable," Tyler said.

"We'll see about that,. I may not have been to college, but I do know drinking games," Joey said.

"You're on," Chandler said. "And then maybe we can make it more extreme."

"I'll get the lighter fluid," Joey said.

"No," Monica yelled to which Joey, Tyler, Ross and Chandler jumped, pretending to be taken aback by Monica yelling. Instead, they shrugged and continued to walk towards the balcony.

"Although, wait...you invited a girl? Did you reinflate the last one?" Tyler asked.

"Ha, ha...funny," Chandler said as he walked onto the balcony where he once again took charge, beating Ross, Tyler and Joey over and over again in the game of beer pong.

The party itself was absolutely amazing although he did find Janice a little annoying by the end of the evening. He also noticed Phoebe and Monica acting a little strange, walking out in the hall for a bit only to come back with Phoebe looking visibly upset about something. Chandler had asked, but Phoebe wouldn't tell him. Monica also seemed a little upset about something. Every time Janice would touch Chandler, Monica let out an annoyed snort. Chandler began to actually wonder if Monica was jealous of Janice but he decided that was most likely ridiculous.

"Janice left?" Monica asked after Chandler walked Janice down the stairs and waited while she got into a cab. It was around midnight now and Janice had left to go home. When he walked up the stairs, he was surprised to see Monica waiting for him in the hall.

"Yeah. Were you waiting?" Chandler asked.

"No. Well you know...she seems nice," Monica said.

"Yeah. I asked her out for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"She said yes."

"Two nights in a row. Wow...that's-that's a lot," Monica said, shifting a little. Chandler noticed how uncomfortable she looked.

"Are you okay?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...it's just...you know, I don't know about Janice. I mean...I don't know. I don't if she's the right girl for you."

"You barely spoke to her tonight."

"I know. It's just a feeling."

"Uh-huh...are you jealous, Mon?" Chandler asked.

"No. No...why-why would-why-would-why would I be jealous? You're single. You get to date whomever you want."

"Right? I mean, I have really dated anyone in five years."

"Right."

"Unless you wanna date me?" Chandler asked.

"I don't wanna date you...I just...I think Janice-"

"I'll see after tomorrow. She seems a little annoying...but she seems to like me," Chandler said.

"Yeah."

"What's wrong?" Chandler asked.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were a trust fund kid?" Monica asked. Chandler was taken aback by that. He looked towards Monica's door. Phoebe had told Monica about the money. He began to feel upset.

"Phoebe told you?"

"She did. She said you anonymously paid for her education. Why didn't you...that's why you were crying at her graduation? That's why you wanted her to move in. You-why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I felt guilty. I wish she hadn't told you but...when I first met Phoebe on the subway after meeting her at the movies...earlier you had been telling me how self absorbed I was and I figured if I contributed money to Phoebe's education...then you wouldn't think I was so selfish."

"But you never told me."

"I know. I wanted too...but I didn't and then I met her and I really couldn't say anything. I mean, Pheebs is amazing," Chandler said.

"Yeah, I agree."

"I felt guilty because she thought my sole motivation was to help someone, help her...when it really was to impress you...it's why I did all that stuff for her. Helped her open a bank account, helped her learn to drive...I felt guilty because she she thought my motivation was pure and helpful and it wasn't. I wanted to impress you."

"Well, I am impressed. I mean, it was really sweet," Monica said.

"Thanks."

"And I like Janice. I do. I guess, I just..."

"You're still my Sally. Always. But I mean, maybe you're right. It's not time."

"I'm being mean," Monica said.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"I do like you. I like you a lot and I would date you but I can't date you. I can't do it. If I lost you...if we broke up and I lost you-"

"You won't-"

"Don't say it because I know you and you will leave because you have and you can and it scares me. I do love you. I love you so much and there is part of me that thinks if we got together, it would be perfect...but that part terrifies me and I can't do it and I'm probably stringing you along but...I'm going to hate every single girl you ever date. I just am," Monica said, smiling at him.

"That's fine...every future guy you go out with...yeah, I'm gonna hate him too."

"Fair enough. My G-d, we're messed up."

"Yeah, but there's no one else I'd rather be messed up with."

Monica smiled as the two shared a hug. He looked at her and for the first time it dawned on him. It was clear, Chandler saw it. Monica was scared. It was a look of fear he saw and he got it. Was she afraid to be with him? That upset him.

"Okay, Mon...I'm gonna make a promise to you. I won't say I won't leave you...I can't make that promise because I know and you know...I've broken it before, but I will do my best to try and never hurt you. I know I'm screwed up."

"I know. Chandler, I'm sorry."

"Me too."

It was then that Monica's door swung open and Tyler, Ross and Joey walked out carrying a bag of empty beer cans. Chandler and Monica jumped and stopped hugging although the boys were seemingly oblivious to the moment they interrupted.

"Dude, where's the bowling ball?" Joey asked.

"In the closet at our place, why?" Chandler asked.

"Beer can bowling," Joey said.

"Oh, I'm in," Chandler said as Joey walked into apartment 19 to get the bowling ball.

"You're not bowling in my apartment," Monica said.

"In the hall," Tyler said.

"Wow...so many ways this could go wrong," Monica mused.

"I know. You wanna play?" Chandler asked.

"No, I'm gonna go inside. Phoebe's spending the night," Monica said.

"Is she alright?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...it's just...her friend, Duncan, was supposed to come tonight and canceled at the last minute and she hasn't seen him in a long time," Monica said as she opened her door.

"Oh, hey...Monica...can you bring us some booze so we can drink out here," Joey said as he walked out carrying a large purple bowling ball.

"Yes, 'cause more alcohol will make this game safer...and by the way, Tyler setting the pins up near the stairs...best idea ever," Monica grinned, giving him two thumbs up, as Chandler turned to notice where Tyler was setting up the pins, right near the stairwell.

"Let's set 'em up this way," Chandler said pointing in the opposite direction of the stairs. Monica let out a snort and shook her head as she walked inside and neither she nor Phoebe joined them for the rest of the evening which was fine. There was drinking and bowling and a very late night game of something Joey and Chandler had decided to invent: Hammer Darts. The object was to throw hammers at a dartboard and that was it. It ended up being a pretty amazing birthday. Spectacular.

As the months went by, things just seemed so perfect for Chandler. He went out a few more times with Janice, although he did find her mannerisms more and more annoying. He still couldn't find it in him to ever break up with her. She kept doing all sorts of nice things for him and the attention was fantastic. As a belated birthday gift, she had even given him a mixed tape which he found nice. Things were also going well with Joey, Monica, Phoebe and Ross. Chandler loved that he had friends now, close friends. He couldn't imagine it getting any better.

Then suddenly, it all came to a halt. He recognized her immediately. It was mid September. He had been sitting with Monica, Joey, Phoebe and Ross when she ran in wearing a wedding dress and was soaking wet. He knew it was her immediately. Ross, Phoebe and Monica all looked at Chandler before Monica got up and ran to her side and brought her to the group. Rachel Green was back. Chandler wished he had a jar of peanut butter or something to toss at her. It had been six years..and there she was standing in front of him, rambling on about a wedding she had run out on and once again pretending like she had never seen Chandler before in her life.


	29. Chapter 29

**September 1994-October 1994**

He couldn't believe it when she walked back into his life. He thought he would never see her again and that was fine by him, but there she was. She was sopping wet, she was in her wedding dress and rambling about running out on her wedding. Ross was feeling depressed about Carol and made a comment about wanting to be married and then as if on cue, Rachel ran in. Chandler had made a joke, a good one he thought about wanting a million dollars and motioned towards the front of the coffee house, hoping a million dollars would come flooding into Central Perk, but alas it did not. Joey and Phoebe had laughed. Ross and Monica looked stunned. Chandler had hoped that the joke would cause Monica and Ross to pretend Rachel wasn't there but that didn't happen. Monica immediately sprang to Rachel's rescue, bringing her into the group and introducing her to them,

"And you remember Chandler," Monica said as she motioned to him. Rachel glanced at him.

"No, no, I'm sorry...nice to meet you," Rachel said, sounding flustered. Chandler let out a snort as he looked at Phoebe who shook her head as Monica continued introducing Rachel to the group and then led her to the couch. Then came a story about how Rachel had run out on her fiance named, Barry who looked like Mr. Potato Head. Chandler listened only because she was so frantic and hysterical sounding but he kept thinking about how once again she pretended not to know him and when he did listen to the story, he was rather repulsed by it. He thought she sounded so horribly self absorbed. He thought about the guy who was standing there waiting at the altar, waiting to marry her and coming to the realization that she wasn't coming. He didn't know Barry, but he couldn't help but think that the guy had dodged a bullet.

Soon, the six of them made their way up to Monica's apartment where Chandler and the others began watching some Mexican soap opera while Rachel was crying on the phone to her dad and before anyone knew it, Rachel invited herself to live with Monica. Chandler was a bit taken aback by that. The nerve of Rachel to invite herself to live with a friend she had dumped, a friend who wasn't even invited to Rachel's wedding. Chandler looked at Monica and let out a snort, Monica smiled back at him but did not tell Rachel she couldn't move into the apartment and soon enough Rachel Green was back in his life.

It was late when he got back home. Chandler and Joey had gone to Ross' apartment to help Ross set up furniture which had been interesting. Ross was still mourning the loss of his marriage and Joey and Chandler were trying to put together furniture although they did break more than they built. Now, Chandler was headed back. Joey had gone out on a date as had Monica. As soon as he reached the apartment, he decided to check in with Monica to see how the date had gone. It was his new idea, he would not continue pursuing Monica. He did like her, loved her and he knew the feeling was mutual, but he wouldn't push it, deciding maybe to just let it happen. At the end of the day, having Monica as his friend meant more to him than even dating her did and he was afraid of what would happen if he kept pushing. So in his efforts to be mature and move on, he figured he'd check in. He opened the door to Monica's apartment and saw Rachel sitting on the couch, crying and dabbing her eyes with her veil. She turned when he walked in and for a brief second, he felt sorry for her.

"Is Monica back from her date yet?" Chandler asked.

"No," Rachel said.

"Okay...well, I'll see you in the morning," Chandler said as he turned to walk back out of the apartment.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

He stopped and looked back at her. It dawned on him that he wasn't sure if she had ever actually called him by his name.

"What?"

"Can I hang out with you?" Rachel asked, tears filling her eyes.

"You wanna hang out with me?"

"Yeah. It's been a rough day."

"Probably rougher for Barry," Chandler mused.

Rachel sniffled a little as she took a deep breath. She really looked fragile in that moment, vulnerable. He felt sympathy for her, which was strange. That memory of Rachel from camp, of her sitting by a tree, crying filled his mind. Sure, she had been playing him but for a few moments before he discovered he was being played, he had actually felt sorry for her.

"Please...let me hang out with you. I know you don't really like me but..."

"I'm just gonna watch a movie."

"Okay."

Chandler nodded as Rachel put her veil down and walked towards him. Together they walked across the hall and into apartment 19. Rachel sat on the couch while Chandler walked over to his stack of movies.

"You have a lot of movies," Rachel said.

"Yeah. I'm kind of a film buff," Chandler said, not really looking at her.

"Oh...I like your Laurel and Hardy picture," Rachel said motioning to the big black and white photo of the old comics on the wall. Chandler looked at her.

"You know who they are?"

"Yeah...and...and I'm sorry...I'm sorry I forgot who you were today. I-I wasn't pretending to not know you. I just...brain fart," Rachel said.

Chandler was taken aback by that. She just seemed so sad to him. His hatred of her seemed to lessen.

"That's alright."

"I really hurt him. I hurt Barry. I hurt Monica...I screwed everything up. I don't know what the hell I'm doing and I know you don't wanna hear any of this...it's just...I don't know and I know it's weird to be sitting here crying and talking to you...but..." Rachel said before dissolving into tears again. Chandler raised an eyebrow and walked over to the couch. He sat next to her.

"Rachel-"

"I'm sorry...it's funny, today, while I was getting ready for my wedding, I actually thought of you. I thought about your nickname for me. Coyote...and how you know, you were waiting for me to run off the cliff. I think I've officially...metaphorically...run off the cliff."

"The coyote never dies," Chandler said, quietly.

"What?" Rachel asked, sounding confused.

"Wylie Coyote. He runs off the cliff, but he never dies. He might get scraped up and stuff, but he gets right back up and starts over. So...I guess you're starting over."

"I guess. I'm not going anywhere...not just 'cause I have nowhere else to go but I'm not going anywhere...I wanna stay," Rachel said.

"Okay," Chandler said, getting up and walking over to the stack of movies again.

"Why do you hate me?" Rachel asked.

"I don't hate you."

"Please."

Chandler let out a sigh and walked back to the couch where he sat back down. He was tired, not in the mood to have an emotional talk having just had one with Ross, but Rachel seemed intent on talking.

"We're really gonna do this?" Chandler asked.

"I'm not leaving."

"Okay...alright...every interaction we've had has been negative and I think this is the first time you've ever called me by my name and not called me a loser or an alcoholic...or told me I would die alone," Chandler said.

"You put peanut butter on my car," Rachel said.

"It was a prank...I thought you'd find it funny."

"I didn't."

Chandler nodded when he remembered something that Monica and Ross had told him about Rachel's reaction to the peanut butter on her car thing. She had been hysterical, so much so that both of them admitted to him that her reaction was a little extreme.

"Can-can I ask you something? If we're talking?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Monica and Ross told me how you reacted to that prank and that you were in hysterics and just really over the top. Were you really that upset?" Chandler asked.

Rachel seemed to tear up again as she looked down at the couch and began to play with a loose thread.

"I had had a really bad month."

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. It was just...your timing was really bad," Rachel said.

"I'm sorry. I thought...I thought you'd laugh about it, like when we were at camp and I put peanut butter in your bed," Chandler said.

"No, I know. I'm sorry I called you names."

"I'm sorry I pranked you."

"It's okay...you know, can I tell you something?" Rachel asked.

"Sure."

"I actually wish we had been better friends at camp. I mean, I think we would've made a good team, don't you think? I mean, I was popular and you were good at being a prankster."

Chandler smiled. He had thought that at the time too. How good of a team they would've made, had they actually been friends.

"We would've ruled that camp," Chandler said.

"We would've. It's a shame we didn't realize that at the time."

"Yeah...you wanna watch that movie?"

"Yeah...do you have _Weekend at Bernie's _or _Spaceballs?" _Rachel asked.

"Wait...what?" Chandler asked.

Rachel smiled. "What? You don't think I like those movies?"

Chandler got up and walked back to the stack of movies and grabbed two VHS tapes. He turned to look at her and held up the movies and grinned.

"Choose."

"_Spaceballs_," Rachel said.

"Good choice."

"Then _Weekend at Bernie's_ after," Rachel said.

"You got it...you know, you are kinda like Princess Vespa. You ran out on your wedding just like she did," Chandler said as he set up the movie.

"Yeah...and Barry is like Prince Valium. Can that be my new nickname? Princess Vespa?" Rachel asked as she grabbed a blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch and covered herself with it.

"How 'bout Princess Coyote?" Chandler asked.

"Okay. Can I call you Prince Loser?" Rachel asked.

"Anytime," Chandler said.

"But only we can call each other those nicknames," Rachel said.

"Alright and Rachel...I am sorry about the peanut butter on the car thing. I mean, you don't have to tell me what was happening but I really didn't mean to-"

"I know. Can we start over? I'm really not evil."

"You think Barry would agree?"

"Let's hold off on those jokes for a bit, okay," Rachel said.

"Got it," Chandler said as he made himself comfortable on the couch again and grabbed the remote. Rachel gently covered him with some of the blanket. He smiled at her as he pressed play. As the movie began, Chandler noticed Rachel still sniffling. He paused the movie and looked at her.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"There's no crying during_ Spaceball_s."

"It's just...am I gonna be okay? I gave up my entire life...I'm really scared. What if I completely fail?" Rachel asked.

"You're gonna be fine."

"How do you know?"

"You're living with Monica," Chandler remarked. He could see where Rachel was coming from. He got it, which was bizarre. He never thought he could relate to someone like Rachel.

"Yeah...G-d, I missed her. I should never have given up that friendship. She's the only kind of friend that matters," Rachel said.

"Come here," Chandler said as he turned so his back was against the arm rest. Rachel smiled weakly as she snuggled up next to him. He wrapped his arms around her as he pressed play again. As they continued watching, there was a slight change that came between both of them. Chandler actually began to like Rachel. He felt bad for her. She had given everything up. She had thought she was doing the right thing, cutting herself off from Monica and getting engaged to a doctor only to discover everything she had thought she wanted was wrong. Chandler got that.

As the months went on, Chandler and Rachel were actually becoming friends. Rachel was becoming an integral group of now six friends. He found himself actually more impressed with her than disgusted. She had gotten a job as a waitress at Central Perk and was making a concerted effort to be a whole lot nicer. Once finding out that Phoebe had stolen from the store Rachel's aunt owned, Rachel had gone out to buy her a gift from the store. Chandler was liking her more and more, of course no where near as much as Ross did. It amused him how deep Ross was falling for Rachel. It shocked him that Rachel didn't pick up on Ross' obvious feelings. After all, Ross was being far from subtle.

While his feelings for Rachel were going from dislike to actual like, Chandler's feelings for Janice were going in the opposite direction. In the six months since Chandler and Janice had started dating, he just began disliking her more and more. Her voice was loud, her personality grating. He kept wanting to break up with her. Monica had been right, Janice wasn't right for him. He liked that Janice liked him so much, liked that she was willing to be with him and put up with him but with Janice, he felt like he was settling. He kept trying over and over again to break up with her, but seemed unable to.

It was the middle of October when he was finally able to do it with Phoebe's help and of course, the help of about twenty eight espresso shots. He had broken up with Janice, who had not taken it well and had to be calmed by Phoebe, but when Janice finally left, he was free. Maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship, Janice was ready for marriage. He wanted to have fun. He wanted to date around like Joey did or at least he thought he did.

His rebound was a woman named, Aurora with long curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was the other man, apparently. Aurora had a husband and boyfriend...and Chandler was the second boyfriend. At first, he was fine with this. It was exactly what he wanted, some fun, everything he didn't have with Janice. Then when he realized Aurora had gotten another boyfriend, Chandler felt like it was too much and ended up breaking up with her. It confused him. He wasn't sure what he wanted but he wanted someone. He couldn't be like Joey and date a woman who was dating two other guys and married to someone else and he did not want to be committed to anyone else like Janice had wanted him to be and he couldn't date Monica because Monica had already let him know that was never going to happen and now, he just wasn't sure what he wanted but he hoped he'd figure it out soon.


	30. Chapter 30

**January 1995**

He had been so reluctant to do it anyway. He had not wanted anything to do with his mother, but his friends wanted to meet her. They wanted to actually meet the woman whom Chandler referred to as, "mom". Ever since he had moved in across the hall from Monica, he had tried to break free although he did end up giving his parents his address and phone number, although figuring they would never call and they really hadn't. There were no calls on his birthday, no check ins. He was on his own and then came that _Tonight Show_ where his mother announced that she was visiting New York to see Chandler and he felt stuck. Instead of calling, she would just show up. It angered him, but he sucked it up. He met her for dinner with his friends, desperate to show how much happier he was. He had tried so hard, but it all seemed so futile when he found out Ross had kissed his mother. Rachel was now dating some Italian guy she had brought to dinner and Ross got wasted. Chandler tried to remember the last time Ross got wasted, he wasn't quite sure but he did know it was the first time Ross had gotten drunk and Chandler had remained sober. It was a mistake, Ross had said. It didn't matter to him though and when his mother had asked if he was okay, Chandler said no and snapped. He paced back and forth, fingers running through his hair. Nora, standing by the counter, concerned and soon he began letting it all out, every wrong Nora had ever done, he let her know until he got to the one...the thing Rick had done, five words he had never wanted to tell her.

"You let him touch me," Chandler said and like that, the room went quiet and the fighting stopped. Nora stared at him, walking towards him as he leaned against the back of the couch.

"What?' Nora asked.

"Rick. You let him touch me. Every single time he disciplined me, he got a hard on and you were standing right there. Then one time, he came into the theater and touched me. He pulled down my pants, put me on his lap and well...did stuff. He told me he had to do it...he assaulted me...I was ten," Chandler said.

"Oh, oh...sweetie-"

"No...you let him touch me. Why did you let him do that?" Chandler asked, staring at Nora, wanting answers.

"I'm sorry. Oh my G-d, I'm so sorry. Chandler...that's why we broke up. I knew something had happened."

"He...well...he...just he... and you wanna know why I chose boarding school?"

"I know why."

"Some guy grabbed me by the dick and threw me to the ground and then beat the shit out of me. I was there alone for eight hours."

"I know."

"If you and dad didn't want to be parents, then why did you have a kid?" Chandler asked.

"I wanted to be a parent. That's where you're wrong. I did want to be a parent...I also think that your dad and I did some things right and...despite everything you think we did wrong. I've told you this before and I will stand by it, there are no two other people on this planet that love you as much as your dad and I and maybe we didn't go to graduations or throw you kid parties...but no two people love you as much as we do and about Rick...G-d, I'm sorry. I didn't know...I thought he was just disciplining you not...getting off."

"Why did he have to do that? Why did any of your boyfriends have to do that? And Rick...I'm never gonna forget what he looked like, what he smelled like...G-d. I just...I...that smell. He kept touching and hitting and he wouldn't stop and I blacked out and woke up and it hurt...everywhere. You let him do that...why?" Chandler asked, tears filling his eyes. He suddenly felt ten again, feeling like that kid who had been told he couldn't go to camp. That scared little boy, truly terrified of everything, of being close to anything or anyone...because they always left or they always hurt him.

"You should have told me."

"He said he'd come back if I did. I believed him. He said I deserved it...and your other boyfriends, Keaton who let me smoke pot right in front of you and Alex who gave me LSD...why did you even have me?" Chandler asked.

"I told you not to take the LSD."

"Don't blame me. I wanted a mom. I mean, it scares the hell out of me to be close to anyone now. The reason I'm living here is because Monica and Ross forced me too. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm surrounded by people who care about me and it feels so strange and..."

"Chandler...both your dad and I wanted you. Baby, please understand that. You're my son and I know we screwed up. A lot. But I am so proud of you...and you know, you did have some good times in that house."

"I did not."

"The theater?"

"Alright, alright...I do miss that...although, it took me months to be able to walk in there without thinking about Rick," Chandler said.

"And some of those club parties."

"I liked the bubbles...but...I still wanted a mom. I wanted parents who came to my graduation and were normal and let me have birthday parties that were age appropriate."

"At least you have parents and maybe they're not what you wanted...but you still had a home. You got a Corvette."

"I still want another one."

"You can get buy one with your money."

"I want calls on my birthday," Chandler said. "From you and dad. I want calls on Christmas. If you're gonna visit, I wanna a phone call, not an appearance on Jay Leno."

"Okay," Nora said, "but you also have to keep in touch."

"I do...or have tried."

"What about Sophie? Remember her?

"Yeah."

"She's wondering why you haven't spoken to her in years."

"She is?" Chandler asked, his ears perking at the sound of her name. The truth was, he really hadn't done well with keeping in touch. When he had left, he had truly left everyone from his past behind, even Sophie.

"Yeah."

"I liked her. She was like a mom."

"Ouch," Nora said.

"Sorry."

"No...look, Chandler...I'm not gonna change who I am and kissing Ross, that was wrong. I'm sorry...but I'm still your mom. You just gotta accept it and I will try my best...but you also gotta meet me half way, buddy. I'm also very proud of you. How long has it been since you've taken a pill."

"Six years," Chandler said, remembering his struggle right after Monica had cut off his toe. It had been such a bad time for him, everything spiraling so drastically out of control. He wasn't always sure how much his mom knew about how bad it got.

"Good. Keep it up and stay away from the LSD. They're not like candy."

"I know," Chandler said as he gave his mom a smile.

Nora walked towards him. She gently stood up to kiss him on the cheek as she looked at him. The two shared a hug, which Chandler did appreciate. He knew he needed to just accept his past. Accept what had gone on in his life...but he was happy his mom knew now, knew that what Rick had done...happy that they had at least talked.

When his mom left the apartment that night, Ross was standing there waiting for him. Chandler smiled as the two walked into the apartment as Nora left to go back to her hotel. Ross sat on the couch as Chandler grabbed a couple beers from the fridge and walked towards the couch.

"Here you go, mother kisser," Chandler said, handing Ross a beer before plopping down on the couch.

"How long is that nickname gonna last?" Ross asked.

"Haven't decided yet. I told her. I told her about Rick and Alex...and all the guys. I know I'm probably complaining too much. I like my life now and you know, it could've been worse. I could've been homeless for ten years. But it's just...I don't know...I remember when Alex gave me the LSD. I woke up alone outside. I didn't know if anyone had bothered to look for me and when I came inside, Sophie...my nanny hugged me and made feel all warm and fuzzy inside and not just 'cause she had big boobs. I remember that. I remember she was catering a New Years party in Long Island."

"In Long Island?" Ross asked.

"Yeah and she took me and there was a girl...a chubby girl and she made me a friendship bracelet. that I actually gave to Rachel when we went to camp"

"I thought you hated Rachel at camp?" Ross asked.

"I did," Chandler said. "She had played me, pretending she was upset about the prank I pulled on her and I gave it to her. But that party was amazing. ...it was the first party I had ever been too where there were kids and there was a kids playroom and I remember it was a doctor's house because Sophie said I couldn't say anything about drinking or dropping acid the night before. I remember the house was huge...and I was terrified. I stood there watching all these kids play and I kept thinking I bet I'm the only kid here who took LSD the night before."

"A party in Long Island at a doctor's house? New Years?" Ross asked.

"New Years Day. Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Chandler asked.

"Just thinking," Ross said as Rachel and Monica walked into the apartment.

"It's just so sad...I really thought he would be a good guy," Monica said.

"He was in a coma," Rachel said.

"You think you know someone and-"

"Okay, I'm gonna play that card again...he was in a coma," Rachel said as she and Monica grabbed some beers from Chandler and Joey's fridge and walked towards the couch and sat down. Recently, Monica and Phoebe had fallen for some guy in a coma. When he awoke from the coma, apparently, he was a jerk. It was a tragic end to their fantasy fairytale.

"You're coma man didn't work out for you?" Chandler asked.

"No. Sorry, Chandler...I don't think you'll be getting your pajamas back," Monica said.

"That's okay. I don't need them. Wait, so...you won't date me, but you will date a man in a coma," Chandler mused.

"Well...I know he won't run away from his problems," Monica grinned.

"Ha, good one Mon," Rachel said.

"Yeah, he will...it's called slipping into a coma and bite me, Green," Chandler said.

"I didn't say it, Monica did," Rachel said.

"Yeah, but I like her more than you," Chandler said.

"That is true. Should I move? I feel smothered by sexual tension coming from both of you," Rachel joked.

"Oh, I think you're wrong...I only feel sexually tense around you Rachel," Chandler said.

"This conversation is going in a weird direction," Monica said.

"Says the woman who just ended a relationship with a man whose only redeeming value was that he had brain waves," Chandler teased. Monica glared at him. She leaned over Rachel to pinch Chandler who just laughed.

"Hey, Rach...what was the name of the caterer that your family used for your New Years Day parties?" Ross asked.

Chandler looked at Ross, confused. He wondered where in the world that thought had come from. Monica and Rachel seemed to be confused as well.

"I don't know. I remember she had really big boobs. My sisters and I used to ask our mom if we would grow up and have boobs like her...I think her name started with an A or a B...or a C...or a D...or an-" Rachel said.

"E?" Chandler asked.

"No, that's not it," Rachel said, shaking her head.

"Oh, I remember those New Years Day parties you used to have...you were so mean, Rach. Wait? And I was your number two best friend and Mindy was your number one best friend...Mindy who is now dating your ex-fiancee. Who's your number one best friend now, bitch?" Monica asked which made Rachel laugh. She turned to give Monica a big hug.

"You, you my coma man loving best friend," Rachel said.

"Thank you." .

"I think Chandler was at one of those parties," Ross said.

"What?" Chandler said.

The three looked at Ross with puzzled looks while Ross appeared in deep thought.

"I think...the friendship bracelet thing," Ross said.

"Oh, Chandler gave me one of those at camp. I still have it," Rachel said.

"You do?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...I kept it. I have it in my room. Hold on," Rachel said, getting up and walking out of the apartment. Chandler noticed Monica staring at him now too, raising an eyebrow. He began to slowly remember details of that day. When Rachel came back, she had a small bracelet made out of brightly colored string and sat down on the couch.

"This is it and Chandler said that whenever I needed a friend to look at it and know I had one. I told him I'd think I'd think of Sean Cassidy. I kinda still do," Rachel said.

"I made that," Monica said, suddenly grabbing it out of Rachel's hand and looking at it, squinting at it closely.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"I used to make friendship bracelets all the time...and I would put my initial on the back of it...'cause I wanted people to know that I made the bracelets. See...'M'," Monica pointed and Rachel leaned in closely to look at it. Chandler was confused as well, holding out his hand to get a good look at it himself. He had never noticed an M on it. Monica handed it to him. As he looked at it, sure enough, he could tell...in the middle of the pattern of string, there was a tiny M etched in there. It slowly began to dawn on him.

"Oh my G-d," Chandler said.

"You were at my house?" Rachel said.

"I was like ten and it was a bad year...and...Sophie...she was also a caterer in addition to a nany for me and-" Chandler asked.

"Oh, I remember her. She was an amazing cook. She had a son she brought with her one year. He was cute," Monica said.

"It wasn't her son. It was me," Chandler said.

There was a quietness as the four looked at each other, all letting the memory of that day sink in. They had all been together as children.

"It was your party, Rachel. It was my first party with other kids. I had taken LSD the night before."

"You did what?" Rachel asked.

"My mom's boyfriend gave it to me and I was so scared and Monica kept asking me questions and...she gave me this and said if I ever needed a friend, I should look at it," Chandler said, staring at the bracelet and over at Monica who got very quiet.

"Do you want it back?" Rachel asked.

"I-" Chandler said before looking at Monica, wanting her to answer. He didn't know what to respond.

"You keep it Rach...now you can think of both of us," Monica said.

"I will...and Sean Cassidy," Rachel said.

"That party was fantastic...that whole year had sucked. I was sexually molested by one of my mom's boyfriend, the other gave me drugs and even later that night, I got in so much trouble for taking drugs...no had looked for me, when I took the LSD. I woke up under a tree in this crumpled up heap and Sophie took me to a party because she didn't want me watching movies all day. It was the first...wow," Chandler said as he fell silent, realizing that now Rachel knew things about him he had yet to share with her. He looked over at her and her eyes filled with tears. She gently stroked his arm.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"It's alright," Chandler said, shaking his head.

"You were felt up by one of your mom's boyfriends?" Rachel asked.

"Well, more than felt up," Chandler said.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said.

"It is what it is," Chandler said.

"You wanna watch a movie, man?" Ross asked, grinning at him. Chandler smiled, Ross knew him too well. Chandler no longer wanted to discuss any of this. He nodded as Ross got up and walked towards the giant stack of movies. Monica got up and walked to the seat Ross had just vacated. She gently stroked her fingers through Chandler's hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Rachel did the same.

"I told my mom everything tonight," Chandler said looking over at Monica.

"Good. She needed to know. I'm proud of you," Monica said.

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"Hey guys...what are we watching?" Joey asked as he walked into the apartment, Phoebe following closely behind.

"Not sure. Chandler?" Ross asked, looking at him.

"_Star Wars, Animal House, the Hot Dog Movie, When Harry Met Sally, Die Hard, Spaceballs, Weekend at Bernies_ and _Monty Python,_" Chandler said, matter of factly.

"Sounds good to me," Ross said as he grabbed Star Wars from the pile and got it ready.

"I'm ordering pizza," Joey said, reaching for the phone as Phoebe walked towards the couch and sat next to Rachel.

"_Hot Dog Movie_? Are you okay, Chandler?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, I am," Chandler said as he looked at the three girls staring at him, concern in their eyes. He could hear Joey behind him ordering several pizzas and Ross getting the movie set up. It would never cease to amaze him It did terrify him a little how much these five people seemed to want him in their lives, even Rachel whom he had at one point considered his enemy and he was fairly certain she wasn't all that fond of him either. He wasn't sure how long they would stay, those five but he wanted to enjoy it, hold onto it as long as he possibly could. Soon, Ross and Joey joined them and the movie marathon began. Monica and Rachel each snuggled up close to him as he wrapped his arms around each of them. It felt good, comfortable. There was so much in his life that had been anything but and this...this was good and he would enjoy it or at least try for as long as he could.


	31. Chapter 31

**May 1995-October 1995**

After Chandler had told his mom everything, he had tried to move on. He wanted so badly to just move on from the past. Sure, he did immediately get in touch with Sophie who was simply amazed by the story that he was now friends with the kids whose party Sophie had taken him to all those years ago. He also reached out to his dad's old driver who was now living in New York, Carl. He still wanted those two in his life as they often felt more like parents to him than his own parents and he had regretted not keeping touch. It was about being happy, his path to happiness however that would end up being. He was promoted at work which did rock him a bit, he wasn't sure that he wanted to be an executive but he was twenty six and being twenty six with a six figure salary seemed very tempting so against his better judgment, he took it. He was good at it, even if he wasn't too fond of the stuffy environment and found the work to be extremely monotonous. His new position allowed him to work from home at time which he did a lot. He was slowly moving forward, he thought, into adulthood. He was even trying to move past the whole Monica thing, even going out on an amazing date with a girl named Danielle for his twenty sixth birthday. He figured Monica had moved on from him, whatever feelings she had had were either gone or being repressed. She was willing to date a guy in a coma or a guy who ended up being seventeen years old but would not go out with Chandler. To him it was a sign that even if she were the slightest bit interested, they would never be an item.

Then came that pact. He hadn't meant to blurt it out. It was now May and they were in the hospital. Nine months early, Carol got pregnant and now came the delivery. The group came to the hospital to support Ross and Monica was feeling depressed about being nowhere nearing marriage and kids. That's when Chandler just said it, "well, how about this...what if...by the time we're forty, if neither one of us are married, we just marry each other?"

He had been sitting, legs draped over the chair next to him and Monica was standing over him. She stared at him, eyes wide open, wondering if he was being serious but that look soon disappeared and Monica's response made Chandler realize he had put himself in a very bad position.

"Why won't I be married when I'm forty?" Monica asked and when he had no response, she pushed on, "is there something fundamentally un-marry-able about me?"

Chandler's eyes widened, trying desperately to figure a way out of the conversation and when he couldn't, his only thought was he had to get away...fast, "dear G-d, this parachute is knapsack" he joked, rolling over the chairs and immediately tried his best to get away from her, but Monica would have none of it, following him.

"Chandler, wait," Monica said.

"You will be married before thirty. How's that? Next week...you'll get married...you're already married. Mazel Tov, can I buy you a blender?" Chandler asked as he walked towards the vending machines, Monica not leaving him alone.

"Stop being obnoxious...you know, maybe...maybe I do have some sort of like siren that really only dogs and men with severe emotional baggage can hear," Monica mused.

"I was wondering where that sound was coming from," Chandler said, truly praying the conversation would end soon. He cursed himself for opening this door. He stared intently at the vending machine as if his life depended on choosing the correct snack food item.

"Wait seriously...if I'm not married by the time I'm forty, you'll marry me?"

Chandler looked at her, his heart beating fast, his palms starting to sweat. What exactly was happening here? What was she saying? What was he supposed to do?

"Yep," Chandler said.

"What if you're married before I'm forty?"

"I'll divorce her and marry you," Chandler said. He wasn't sure how they had gotten to this topic but he hoped it would end soon...now.

Monica let out a snort and rolled her eyes as he put some money into the machine and got himself a bag of M&M's. He ripped it opened and looked at her.

"Chandler, be serious."

"I'm serious."

"Alright," Monica said, giving him a smile, "okay...if neither one of us are married by forty, we'll get married."

"Good, although you do realize that means you're going back on your early promise that even if I were the last guy on Earth, we would still never get married," Chandler grinned, popping a handful of M&M's into his mouth.

"I know...but if I'm still single when I'm forty, I will be willing to settle," Monica said.

"Awww, you'll settle for me. I'm so flattered."

Monica shook her head as they walked back towards the seats.

"Chandler, do you ever think about marriage and kids?" Monica asked. "Honestly, do you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No," Chandler said.

"Seriously? You never think about that?" Monica asked.

"Okay...I guess I do. It would be nice to have someone there...someone who gets you. That'd be nice. Still never wanna have kids though," Chandler said.

"Never?" Monica asked.

"Nope. This world is so messed up. I couldn't...look who my kid's grandparents would be? No...I just...I don't...no. I wouldn't be a good dad anyway," Chandler said.

"I think you'd make a great dad," Monica asked.

"No, I wouldn't. I don't wanna bring kids into this world and then mess them up and have them grow up and hate me," Chandler said.

"That's sad."

"It is what is."

"You need a new saying. That one is starting to make you look like a douche," Monica said.

Chandler laughed as he ate some more candy. He had made that decision long ago that he would never have children. It wasn't that he didn't love kids, he did. He often felt like he was twenty six going on six. He just could not imagine being a dad. He wouldn't know the first thing about it. His own father never took him to baseball games or did anything like the dads he saw in movies or on television. He had no fathering abilities and he figured it would be best that he never get the chance because he was certain he would just screw it up.

"If you marry me though...and we go through on this pact, you'll have to learn to be a dad," Monica remarked. Chandler looked at her, his eyes widened as he glanced towards her stomach. She shook her head, "I'm not pregnant now, jackass."

"I know that," Chandler said.

"I want kids. So...any man I marry should want children. I can't imagine not having children...so if you and I ever got married, well...then you'd have to change that belief."

"I don't see that happening. I would be a horrible, horrible father," Chandler said.

"How are you so sure of that?"

"'Cause...I just am."

"No, I really think you'd be a good dad...you're funny, kind...and you know what not to do."

"I'm never having kids, Mon...that's all."

Monica nodded as she looked at him. Suddenly, she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He looked at her.

"What was that for?" Chandler asked.

"Nothing...just...I think you're full of it," Monica said as she got up and walked off. Chandler watched her, confused as to what she meant. He was pretty sure he meant what he said. Pretty sure he would never be a dad and that was fine by him. Although, the birth of Ross' son, Ben did sway him a bit, but that was only temporary. Sure, it was fun to hold Ben, but he was glad when he had to give Ben back. He was pretty sure that if held him any longer, he probably would do something dumb like drop him or throw him like a football. Monica could think he was full of it, she could think whatever she wanted, but the truth was, he was not meant to have children even if he was married to Monica.

Then Mr. Heckles died...Mr. Heckles, the downstairs neighbor, the nutjob who always seemed to be intent on telling Chandler and his friends that they were being too loud. Right before Joey had moved in, Chandler had walked out of his room to see Mr. Heckles just standing there in his kitchen. It was strange. Then the strange neighbor died, leaving everything to Monica and Rachel. At first, Chandler thought nothing of it. He was odd but then he started looking at Heckles life and it scared him, terrified him. Heckles was bitter like him, alone, angry with no family it seemed as he had left all of his belonging to two random girls he barely knew. Chandler felt like he was glimpsing his future. He could see himself, alone watching movies and with no one there. The thought was too much. He had grown up alone. Rachel had once told him he would probably die alone before he was thirty. He didn't want that for himself. He didn't wanna be that guy who kept annoying his neighbors. He called Janice, thinking maybe he should try things with her again. Janice liked him but when she showed up at Central Perk, pregnant and newly married, his heart fell. He was never in love with Janice, having now broken up with her on practically every major holiday but Janice liked him and maybe that would be enough for him. He could grow to love her but she was now unavailable. There was the pact with Monica, but he'd have to wait until they were forty and the chances of her being single by then, well he knew there wasn't a chance of that. He would die alone.

He could barely sleep, sitting in Heckle's apartment in his robe, staring at a book Heckle's had written called, "My Big Book of Grievances". He was freaked when Rachel, Monica and Phoebe walked in, talking about a seashell lamp that Rachel had loved from Heckle's apartment that Monica had broken.

"You did it on purpose. Admit it, please," Rachel said.

"It was an accident. You really have to let this go," Monica said.

"I will not. You broke my seashell lamp...you're a lamp murderer. That's what you are," Rachel said.

"Chandler?" Phoebe asked, noticing Chandler sitting there.

Chandler looked up as the three of them. He knew he probably looked a bit ridiculous, unhinged even.

"Well...Rachel, you were right, I probably will die alone before I'm thirty," Chandler said.

"When did I say that?" Rachel asked.

"During the last Thanksgiving I saw you at...in 1988," Chandler said.

"Well, I was a horrible person back then," Rachel said.

"You were right," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Monica said.

The three girls walked over to the couch and sat next to him. Monica gently ran her fingers through his hair.

"You are not gonna die alone by the time you're thirty...I was obviously wrong. Thirty one, maybe," Rachel grinned. Chandler looked at her, not amused by her attempt at humor.

"Timing, Rach. Remember...I told you, it's about timing," Chandler said.

"Listen to me, you are not going to die alone," Monica said.

"You're not. You're one of the good ones," Phoebe said.

Chandler let out a sigh and got up, "I gotta go. I'm gonna go get dressed and go buy my first snake." He had decided if he was going to die alone, he should get a pet and decided it should be a snake, not because he liked them or thought they were cool in any way. In fact, he had always considered them rather creepy animals, but if he were to die alone...

As he walked out of Heckles apartment and towards the stairs, he felt someone grabbing his arm and looked to see Monica standing beside him, shaking her head.

"Running away from your problems again, Bing?"

"Let me go," Chandler said.

"Come on, you know I won't do that," Monica said as she grabbed his hand. Together, they walked upstairs and and walked up to the roof. He said nothing as he let her drag him. When Monica sat, Chandler sat next to her.

"You're not gonna die alone. You know I won't let that happen. We have a pact right, if neither one of us are married by forty," Monica said.

"Please...you'll get married before forty. Who wouldn't wanna marry you? Me, on the other-"

"When are you gonna stop feeling so sorry for yourself all the time? You're twenty six years old, your life is not that bad."

"I want someone...that's why I called Janice."

"You don't want Janice. You don't love Janice. You love how Janice loves you...or did love you. You don't need Janice...you need a girl who tells you to get over yourself."

"Like you?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...you're gonna find someone, Chandler. I know you will. You're funny and smart and...you will. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Why can't you be that girl?" Chandler asked. "I mean, we're good together...right? And you wanna get married and...I mean, you're my Sally."

"Now, you just want to be with me 'cause you're desperate. Chandler...I've said it before and I will say it again, I do love you. I mean, if you and I actually ended up together...G-d, that would be incredible but..."

"Not now?" Chandler asked.

"No. Come on, you don't want me, you want sex. You want...you know what, why do you want me so much? I mean...when I was fat, you thought I was repulsive and then suddenly-"

"That's not true."

"That is true and you know it. If I was still fat, you would not be so desperate to be with me."

"Okay, Mon-

"No, you want me 'cause it would be like you winning a prize. You're not in love with me Chandler. You want someone to keep your dick warm at night. If you want me, grow the fuck up. Don't dump girls for stupid reasons. Don't date girls like Janice or Lizzie who worship the ground you walk on and you know what? We will never get together because I want kids and a family. You're twenty six years old...just grow up already. I mean, Heckles was a nutcase. You really think you'll end up like him or do you want people to feel sorry for you again? You really have to stop this."

Chandler let Monica's words sink in, not looking at her. He wondered if she had a point or maybe not. He just knew that maybe he was not in the mood to hear it. He got up and slowly walked to the door.

"Awww, Mr. Bing doing what he does best. Walking away...leaving," Monica said as Chandler let out a snort and walked back into the building. He walked downstairs towards his apartment and into the shower.

About an hour later, he walked into Pub 2, a bar near his office. They knew him there. He went after work every single day. In front of his friends, he had controlled his drinking. He would only drink a beer or two. He had gotten sick of everyone thinking he was an alcoholic so he began to drink secretly. He had never been to Pub 2 during the weekends though, always choosing to be with his friends and he figured they would ask questions if he headed there on weekends, but now he just needed to clear his head. He walked in and took his seat at the bar when he noticed the bartender, a pretty girl with bright blue eyes and long dark hair, tied back. She was wiping down the bar and looked strangely familiar. She noticed him and quickly threw the towel into a bin and walked over to him.

"What can I...Chandler?"

"Lizzie?" Chandler asked, a little taken aback to see her working there. He hadn't seen her in so long and wondered why he hadn't ever seen her at this bar. "What are you...you work here?"

"Yeah...I just started working here. I needed to the money. Apparently, struggling actress doesn't pay the bills."

"Oh...oh...so...what have...wow..."

"What can I get for you Chandler?" Lizzie asked.

"Beer...whatever's on tap."

"'Kay," Lizzie said as she turned to grab him a beer and handed it to him.

"Thanks. Wow...so how have you been?"

"Good...you look good. What have you been up to?"

"I work down the street. I live right in the village over Central Perk...I'm still friends with Monica and her brother. You know, the girl you thought got me hooked on drugs," Chandler said.

"Oh, yeah...wow, that was a dumb thing for me to say, right?"

"Well...it...it wasn't bright," Chandler offered, taking a sip of his beer. Lizzie grinned as she looked at him and went off to take another drink order before soon returning to him.

"So, what else is new?" Lizzie asked.

"Nothing...just...nothing...what happened with you and the guy?"

"The guy?"

"The guy you dumped me for?" Chandler asked.

"Oh...oh, that was a mistake. That was years ago. He...he...we went out for a few months and then he just stopped calling."

"Oh, sorry."

"It is what it is," Lizzie smiled.

Chandler nodded, Monica was right. Maybe that was a dumb saying. He kept drinking his beer as Lizzie kept working. He thought it so strange that she was there, working. He realized he hadn't seen much of her since they had broken up all those years ago. He remained seated there, drinking one beer after another until soon he was finishing up his fifth one. Lizzie walked over to him, giving him another beer which took.

"You know this is my sixth one."

"I know," Lizzie said.

"You used to hate it when I'd drink that much."

"I'm not your mom, Chandler."

"Yeah but..."

"Chandler-"

"Do you wanna...grab a drink or well, share one?" Chandler asked, realizing how out of the blue that sounded but hoping she wouldn't find it too odd.

"No. I can't. I'm working."

"After work. It's Sunday and I'm an executive. I can be at work late."

"Good...but I can't go out with you. I gotta get home."

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"I have a kid, Chandler," Lizzie said rather bluntly as she walked away from him. His eyes widened, mouth dropped. He stared at her as she continued to work and when she eventually made her way back to him, he stopped her.

"What?" Chandler asked.

Lizzie let out a sigh as she looked at him. That was a bomb he had not seen coming.

"I have daughter. She's six."

"Oh...you...wait...is it-" Chandler said, doing the math in his head.

"No. No, it's not yours."

"Who's the dad?" Chandler asked.

"Just some guy I went out with once. He's not important."

"Oh," Chandler said and he felt bad for her. Seeing Lizzie like this, a bartender and apparently a single mother. He would never have expected that. She did seem a bit tired, the more he looked at her. He began to think of his own life once again. What was he so upset about? He kept thinking of Monica said. He wouldn't die alone, he knew that much. If he had anything to do with it. He wasn't Mr. Heckles. When he left the bar that night after saying goodbye to Lizzie, he headed back to Central Perk where Ross, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe and Monica were in the midst of an intense argument about the sexuality of Bert and Ernie. Chandler sat at the small table across from Joey and Monica looked over at him and squeezed his hand.

"Where were you?" Monica asked.

"Just...had to do something," Chandler said.

"Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. You're right, though."

"About what?"

"The movie isn't over. Harry and Sally aren't supposed to get together yet. Harry still needs to grow up, right?" Chandler said.

"He's doing a good job though," Monica whispered.

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"Chandler and Joey," Rachel yelled.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Rachel thinks you and Joey are like Bert and Ernie," Monica said.

"Hey, Rach...when are you running off that cliff?" Chandler asked.

"No, no...I'm totally right," Rachel said.

"You are not right," Joey said.

"I am right. You two are so Bert and Ernie," Rachel said.

"Alright, we only bathed together that one time...it meant nothing," Chandler joked.

"Dude, not helping," Joey said, deadpanned.

Chandler laughed as his friends continued arguing and laughing. He needed to get over himself, Monica was right. If only he knew how...


	32. Chapter 32

**February 1996-May 1996**

He stared at the bottle in his hand. His body shook as he stared at the letters. He had been clean for seven years. Not a single pill, sure he had drank but no pills. He had suffered through headaches and sickness, refusing to swallow so much as an aspirin, but there he was with a large bottle of vicodin in his hand, courtesy of his new roommate, Eddie. Joey had left, abandoned him because he was on television now. Ross and Rachel were officially a couple and Monica was falling fast for a new guy, Richard. That scared Chandler. Monica falling for someone new terrified him. Sure, she had gone out with many guys before but this was different. This was new. He overheard Monica telling Rachel that she could see herself marrying Richard. She was giddy and Chandler for the first time thought that maybe he and Monica really were not meant to be and then there was Joey. His best friend, the guy who felt like his brother. Joey had left and now he had a choice. After trying to bond with Eddie over drinks, the two had returned to the apartment. He knew Eddie was off, a little strange and now he knew why. He was staring at the reason why. Would anyone know if he took one? Maybe seven years was long enough and now he could monitor himself better. He would be turning twenty seven in April. He was no longer twenty, he was more mature.

"It's great for hangovers, pal," Eddie said and Chandler didn't need to know that. He knew that. He had known that for years. He kept staring at the door. Beyond that door was Monica and Rachel's apartment. If they walked in...if Monica walked in...Ross?

"Lock the door," Chandler said.

Eddie gave him a look and did as told. It was a strange thing to ask but he didn't want to explain it to Eddie. He barely knew him. Chandler unscrewed the top and poured some pills into his hand and walked over to the counter where Eddie had a glass of water waiting for him. It would just be these few. Chandler decided. Just those...and no one needed to know.

He was headed down a slippery slope but he felt he could handle it. He was older now and he would hide...he would have to because if he knew no one else would get it. No one else would understand. He knew himself. He would be able to handle this time. This time it would be different.

Monica had kept wanting to talk to him. Ever since she had gotten together with Richard, but he did not want to talk about it and avoided her even more once he started taking the pills again. She just seemed desperate though, wanting to talk to him and she got her chance thanks to Chandler's discovery that Eddie was watching Chandler as he slept. He was so creeped out that he told Eddie to leave but Eddie seemed to have the worst memory ever as he would forget that Chandler soon discovered why Eddie was so erratic. It was just pills Eddie seemed to like...there were harder drugs. Harder than anything Chandler had ever taken. Eddie had admitted it to him while they were trying to bond. He had even offered Chandler some of those harder drugs, but he declined. Those drugs terrified Chandler. Drugs with names like heroin or cocaine...drugs his dad had tried. Chandler had tried LSD once and that was enough. He saw what Eddie was like when he was high on those drugs and it frightened him. He did not tell the others about Eddie's habit, preferring to make jokes, but it was enough to convince him to not go down that route and he figured as long as he stuck to prescription pills, then there was no way he could be considered a drug addict. Drug addicts were like Eddie, crazed and out of control. Chandler was not that and as long as he hid what he was doing, he should be okay. Of course, now with Eddie's behavior getting more and more unpredictable, he was taking to sleeping on Monica and Rachel's couch and it was then when he caught Monica watching him sleep. He woke up and started screaming, she starting screaming as well.

"Stop," Chandler said, pointing a blanket covered finger at her.

"I...you stop," Monica said, as she caught her breath and walked over to the big chair and plopped herself down, looking at him. "So is he getting worse? Eddie?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do. He needs...he...he frightens me."

"Is he on drugs?" Monica asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"He seems unpredictable...scary...and if he is on drugs, I don't like it that he's living with you."

"I'm not taking drugs," Chandler said.

"Uh...you have."

"Prescription pills aren't drugs."

"What are they?"

"Medicine."

"I'm not gonna argue with you about this now but I think Eddie is on something and it scares me."

Chandler let out a sigh. Maybe he would admit it to Monica. He wanted Eddie out any way.

"I think he is doing something hard...speed or something but don't worry. I'm not gonna try stuff like that. That's what a drug addict takes. I just took too many prescription pills like seven years ago. I'm not a drug addict, not an alcoholic. I'm not Eddie. Eddie is nuts and I want him to leave."

"Okay...you're not taking pills now, are you?" Monica asked.

"No, of course not," Chandler said, lying. He didn't want to tell her anything. He knew she'd judge. He had it under control.

"Alright...okay," Monica said, giving him a look that made him feel uncomfortable. She could see right through him, he knew it.

"So...how's Richard?" Chandler asked.

"Good...amazing. I think I...wait, is it okay if I talk about this in front of you?"

"Of course."

"He told me he loved me. A couple weeks ago. He told me. I think I'm gonna marry him. I love him so much. I know we've only been dating a month but...and are you sure I can talk to you about this? I know you and I have-"

"Mon, it's fine," Chandler said, knowing he was once again lying. Truth was, he really found Richard to be pretentious. He hated how Monica had completely fallen for Richard. It scared him too. It scared him to think that maybe, just maybe he and Monica would really never get together.

While his relationship with Monica was falling deeper into the friends zone, he at least had one friendship back on track. It was now mid March and Chandler had watched as Joey's character got killed off _Days of Our Lives_. Chandler knew as soon as he saw it that Joey would come back. Eddie would not leave and his behavior was getting more and more erratic. He was convinced one night, he would wake up to see Eddie standing over him with a knife. He did feel for the guy, thinking Eddie was probably in a lot of trouble, but he just couldn't deal with living with him.

Ten days before his twenty seventh birthday and Joey stood there telling him the one thing he had wanted to hear for so long. Things had been tense between the two ever since Joey had moved out. They had fought and their friendship had taken a hit, but now there he stood, his brother asking him, begging practically with once sentence:

"Will you take me back?" Joey asked.

Chandler could not stop grinning. The rest of the group could mock their close friendship, but it was one Chandler held so close to him.

"You wanna move back?"

"Well...I can't afford the palace anymore and I...I can't afford to pay my half of the rent or the utilities. So it will be like when we first started living together," Joey said.

"Perfect."

"Just...I'm really sorry. I...I don't...I wasn't...I didn't mean..I don't want you to feel like I abandoned you. You're my brother, you mean a lot to me."

"Thanks...I missed you, Joe."

"Same here...so wait, if I move back...what about-" Joey said motioning towards his room which was now Eddie's.

"I have a plan," Chandler said and began instructing Joey to take all Eddie's stuff, put it in boxes and carry it downstairs. It was a little cruel, but Joey was on board and they'd get all his stuff later. Chandler walked into Eddie's room and began piling stuff in boxes. He found all sorts of things going through Eddie's stuff. He found drugs, tons of syringes and those little white tablets that looked strangely like the LSD tablet he had taken when he was ten. He got rid of all that, after all he was not a drug addict. He also found an even bigger box filled with pill bottles and prescription pads. He waited for Joey to grab another box and head downstairs before taking the box of pills and walking into his room and sliding the box under his bed. He was saving Eddie, he figured. By taking away some of what he was taking, he could help Eddie. He felt he owed him that much.

Once everything was back, was Joey was his roommate once more, the pill use still continued, but this time Chandler became more secretive about it. He became better at hiding it. He would get up each morning, take an Oxy Cotin with coffee or a beer while Joey was still asleep and then throughout the day, he would take a pill or two. He had missed it, enjoyed the feeling and as long as he hid it, no one could judge him. Although, he was almost found out by Richard of all people and he blamed himself. A few weeks after his twenty seventh birthday, Chandler and Joey had taken Richard to a Knicks game. Monica had wanted Chandler and Joey to be friends with Richard, something Chandler wasn't too fond of being, but it would make Monica happy, he'd do it and he did grow to like Richard, even tried in vain to grow a mustache. If Chandler wasn't dating Monica, he'd probably be friends with Richard and the fact that Richard seemed to be aware that Chandler was hiding something made him nervous. He was afraid Richard would say something to Monica, very afraid. He would often give Chandler looks and ask if he was okay and then came the day Richard stopped by the apartment after spending the night with Monica...to give him a card.

"What's this?" Chandler asked.

"When you're ready," Richard said, "call them."

Chandler looked at the card and back at Richard. It was the number for an outpatient rehab center. He felt very uncomfortable and praying that Joey wouldn't walk out of his room or Monica wouldn't open the to her apartment. He wondered why Richard would do that, actually feeling a little angry. It was none of Richard's business.

"I don't need this. I don't have a drug problem," Chandler said, "I mean...why would...this is really weird. Do you just randomly give people cards. That's...mind your own business. We're not that close."

"I know," Richard said.

"Well, I don't need this," Chandler said, feeling defensive.

"Okay," Richard said.

"You're an eye doctor."

"I know...but when you're ready, give my buddy a call at that number. He's really good."

"Richard, I don't..."

"I know. You don't have a problem," Richard said.

Chandler shifted his weight as Richard stared at him. He felt like he was a little kid, getting in trouble with his dad.

"Don't tell Monica," Chandler said, looking up at him.

"I won't...and I know it's none of my business but I care about Monica and I know she cares a lot about you...and as a doctor, I when I see someone who might be struggling, I feel inclined to reach out and help," Richard said.

"I'm not struggling."

"I know," Richard said, giving him a smile.

"Hey, I thought you left," Monica said. Chandler jumped, noticing Monica's door open. He immediately stuffed the card in his pocket. Richard turned and smiled at Monica.

"I was about too. Just wanted to ask Chandler something," Richard said, giving Chandler a look. Chandler's heart sank, he could barely look Monica or Richard.

"Is everything okay?" Monica asked.

"I think so? Chandler?" Richard asked.

"Yeah. Everything is fine. I should get ready for work," Chandler said.

Richard nodded as he turned to walk out. Chandler watched as Richard walk over to Monica and give her a kiss before giving Chandler another look and walking off. Monica raised an eyebrow and looked over at Chandler.

"What we you two talking about?" Monica asked.

"The Knicks," Chandler said.

"Oh...are you okay? You've been acting strange lately. Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"No. Nothing," Chandler said. "I really should go."

Monica nodded as he shut the door behind him. He walked over to his fridge and opened it. He grabbed a beer and walked into his room, shutting the door behind him. He had taken to drinking a beer each morning before coffee. He pulled the card out of his pocket and stared at it. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle. He swallowed four Oxy Contin with his beer and through the bottle into the drawer, finishing off his beer. He stared at the card, placing the beer on his nightstand. He ripped the card up. Richard was wrong. He didn't need help. It was all under control.

After that moment with Richard, it was never brought up again and Chandler continued hiding. He did start losing weight but when he was asked about it by Monica or Ross, he brushed it off. He did feel very uncomfortable in Richard's presence, but would try to brush it off.

He was fine, soon even better than fine. By around May, he had begun talking with a girl online and that girl turned out to be, Janice who was now divorcing her husband. When he saw Janice walk through the door of the coffee house, he was taken aback by her. Monica and Richard would probably get married, at least that's what he thought. Rachel and Ross were together. He wanted someone and Janice was good enough. Janice wanted him and maybe with Janice, he'd feel complete and having Janice, being in a committed relationship would prove once and for all that he was just fine.


	33. Chapter 33

**May 1996-November1996**

Hearing about Richard and Monica's break up tore him up inside. He was happy, he was with Janice now, but his thoughts were with Monica. The break up had happened at Mindy and Barry's wedding. Apparently, Monica's desire to have kids was greater than her desire to remain in a relationship with someone who didn't want kids. Richard not only already had kids, he was a grandfather. At almost fifty, he had no desire to start all over again with kids. Thus ending the love affair of Monica and Richard. It killed Monica, tore her up and she was unable to sleep. The day after reuniting with Janice, Chandler decided he needed to check in with Monica. He came over with a bottle of Jack Daniels and their movie, _When Harry Met Sally_. When he walked in, he found Monica laying on the couch in the dark staring at a cigar, twirling it around in her fingers and smelling it.

"Hey...want company?" Chandler asked.

"I made a mistake," Monica said looking at him, her eyes glistening in the dark. Chandler walked over to the couch. He hated watching her in this much pain. He remembered that time back when he was in college and Monica had stopped by his dorm in tears because Rachel had ended their friendship. He had hated Rachel for hurting Monica and now, he was hating Richard.

"_When Harry Met Sally_," Chandler held up the movie and walked over to the television, placing the bottle of Jack on the dresser before popping it into the VCR. He could hear Monica sniffle behind him. He grabbed the bottle and walked back to the couch. He set it on the coffee table. Monica grabbed it and unscrewed the top. Chandler watched in amazement as she chugged. He had known her for so long now, yet Monica's ability to chug like a pro never ceased to impress him. She handed him the bottle. He drank some as well before placing the bottle back on the table.

"I heard your on-line girl was Janice," Monica said as she snuggled up next to him.

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna make it work this time?" Monica asked.

"I don't know. She loves me...we don't have to talk about Janice though."

"Okay...you're getting too thin again," Monica said.

"Monica," Chandler said.

"Sorry...no...it's...I don't mean to pick on you. It's just easier and...if I pick on you, then it's easier to to not think about Richard. Chandler, I wanted to marry him. Monica Burke. It had such a nice ring to it. Almost perfectly balanced," Monica said, tears streaming down her face. Chandler held her close to him as she buried her face in his shirt. It killed him to hear her talk like this, to hear the love she had for Richard.

"Let's watch the movie," Chandler said softly as he grabbed the remote and pressed play. Monica rested her head on his chest as they watched. He felt guilty sitting there, Richard had not told Monica about his concerns it seemed and Chandler had been getting much better at hiding his drug use. He wanted to be there for Monica, so wanted to be there for her completely but his mind kept drifting, thinking back to the box under his bed. .

It was six months into his relationship with Janice when he started to take notice of how different he was starting to look. He still kept taking the pills but upped his alcohol intake, thinking maybe that would help him put on weight. He kept eating more too. He hated how thin he looked. His friends had asked questions, Ross even asking point blank if he was back on drugs. Chandler said no. Janice also seemed to be getting worried about him and asked. There had been fight between Janice and Chandler six months in. He had flipped out about commitment and freaked Janice out, but soon they came back together and were lying side by side in his bed. He was falling for her, so badly wanting it to work. Janice lay next to him, interlocking her fingers in his.

"Did I tell you I'm sorry?" Chandler asked, apologizing again for flipping out.

"A lot...hey, it's me. If anyone knows how you get about commitment...hello, you've dumped me on every major holiday."

"That's so not true. I never dumped you on Christmas," Chandler joked.

"Okay...hey, Chan...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you okay?"

"I am...I'm with you."

"No...okay...look, I love you and care about you a lot...so please tell me...are you on something?"

"No," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Chandler...you look unhealthy."

"I'm fine," he said, quickly kissing her, hoping that would make her forget about what she was trying to ask. She stared at him, shaking her head and gently poking his nose.

"You're my Bing-a-ling and I want you to be with me for a long time. We're soulmates, you and I," Janice said.

"We are. You make me happy, Janice."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say that."

Chandler smiled as they kissed again. He wanted so badly to happy with Janice and he was. As Monica moved on past Richard, Chandler was falling deeper and deeper for Janice and for the first time in his life was actually thinking of maybe one day spending his life with her and not Monica.

Unfortunately, that never came to pass. He knew Janice was divorcing but when he found out from Joey that Janice had kissed her husband and was still in love with him, their relationship soon fell apart. It had been six months, an amazing six months but it crashed and burned with Janice leaving him crying in the middle of Central Perk. He had tried to keep her from leaving, grabbing her shoe and making a scene but it was no use. The relationship was finished and Chandler soon wandered back to the apartment to sit in the dark and listen to Lionel Richie while holding on to Janice's shoe for dear life.

He had been sitting in his barcalounger, singing "_Endless Love_" and was soon joined by Phoebe singing with him. She placed her arm around him as he looked up at her. It had surprised him how hard he had really fallen for Janice. He hadn't really fallen for her before but now, he had and just like that, she was gone.

"We broke up. She went back to her husband," Chandler said as he rested his head on Phoebe. She gently squeezed his shoulder. They had completed their duet and were now sitting in the dark.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm an ass. I should've...damn...I can't go to Central Perk for awhile," Chandler said as he looked down at Janice's shoe. He shouldn't have been so over the top. He wasn't sure how he could possibly walk into Central Perk again.

"Did you make a scene?" Phoebe asked.

"I might have...just a little bit."

"Does that explain why you have her shoe?" Phoebe asked.

"Maybe. Phoebe, what if I really never meet anyone-"

"Chandler."

"No. Monica, doesn't like me like that...Janice left... I drive people away," Chandler said.

"Do you really believe this about yourself?" Phoebe asked.

He knew Phoebe hated him saying negative things about himself but he did believe it. His dad had left him once. His dad left without ever saying goodbye.

"Joey left," Chandler said.

"He came back, Chandler...and Eddie, never wanted to leave you...and I have never left you."

"I know," Chandler said.

"I have pizza and...I have _Hot Dog: The Movie_ and we're all next door where we have more pizzas and slow death smoothies. I just brought one box to lure you over. Monica and Rachel are still making the smoothies."

"Hmmm, I don't know," Chandler said.

"And you know...when I called after I came back from the dentist to see if you were dead...and you didn't answer, I got scared. Really scared."

Chandler let out a snort and shook his head. Phoebe had a fear of the dentist, it seemed. She seemed convinced that every single time she went to the dentist, someone ended up dying.

"I'm sorry. I'm alive...technically. Although, I am dead on the inside," Chandler moaned.

"Come on...play with us."

Monica slowly opened the door and peered in, smiling. Chandler watched her as Phoebe motioned for her to come in. Monica did just that as she walked in and sat on the other side of Chandler.

"So...welcome to the club," Monica said.

"Hmmmm...this club sucks," Chandler said.

"It gets better. I swear," Monica said.

"You still miss, Richard?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...but it's been six months. I'm okay now." Monica said.

"G-d, you two are unbelievable," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked, although knowing and telepathically sending Phoebe, 'shut the eff up' messages figuring if she really did have these psychic abilities she always said she had, she'd be able to catch them which apparently did not.

"Look, I've been saying this for years. There's a reason Richard and Janice didn't work out-" Phoebe said.

"We're not going to end up together. Chandler doesn't want to be with me. You could do much better than me," Monica said.

Chandler's breath got caught in his throat as he stared at her. How could she say that? After everything they'd been through, after everything they'd talked about over the years. He could finally understand what Eddie had told him once about a break up he had had which made him feel like someone had ripped his heart out.

"No, I couldn't," Chandler said, quietly, still staring at her. Monica bit her lip and looked over at Phoebe and back at him. She got up suddenly.

"Um, we're all next door. I made the slow death smoothies. I'll take the pizza-and stuff-we have more pizzas but I'll-when you're ready to come over, come because we wanna-well, ugly naked guy isn't dead and we...we care about you. I care about you. I know...I love you too. But...I'm sorry, Chandler," Monica said, gently squeezing his shoulder and walking towards the counter. She grabbed the pizza box and the movie and disappeared out the door.

"I'm gonna die alone," Chandler said, resting his head back.

"You are not going to die alone. She is going to come to her senses one day. Maybe just not now. She's still hurting over Richard. You just broke up with Janice. You'd be each other rebounds. Those never last."

Chandler sat, staring off into the darkness, letting Phoebe's words sink in, He didn't want to die alone. He wanted Monica and he would get her. Somehow she'd realize it. She was his Sally.

"You know what? I'm gonna marry her," Chandler said.

"Janice?"

"No. Monica. One day...I promise you. I'm going to marry her. I'm not going to die alone."

Chandler noticed a smile spread across Phoebe's face. He never said anything that forceful, never went after anything but he knew...he would do it. Monica would be his wife.

"I know you will. I have my song," Phoebe said.

"Your 'I Told You So' song'?" Chandler asked. He knew the girls had an inside joke that if Monica and Chandler ever did get together, Phoebe would sing an 'I Told You' song. He was looking forward to hearing it.

"Uh-huh and Rachel is gonna help me. So what are you going to do to make that happen?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Not a thing."

"Well...that's...dumb."

"No, no it's not," Chandler said, "I'm not gonna get jealous if she goes out with other guys. I'm not gonna sit around and pine-"

"You won't be like how Ross was with Rachel?" Phoebe asked.

"Nope. I'm just going to keep being me...she'll see it," Chandler said, feeling his plan was fantastic. He would just be himself...and hopefully Monica would see it.

"I hope so. 'Cause I've seen it. You wanna join us? We're gonna watch _Hot Dog: The Movie_ come on...we love watching that movie and making each other laugh."

"I'm not in the mood to be funny," Chandler said.

"Um, Chandler...you know, you're not the only one that can be funny."

"Yes, I am," Chandler said. That was a low blow of Phoebe. He was in pain and Phoebe was doubting that he was the only funny one. Phoebe let out a snort..

"I'm sorry. Yes, you are...but maybe the five of us together could try and match your level of humor."

"You can try," Chandler said, sniffling a little.

"But you have to come over so we can try."

"Okay...but can I still take the shoe."

"You can take the shoe."

"And Lionel?" Chandler asked.

"And Lionel. Come on."

Chandler watched Phoebe as she stood up and held out her hand. Chandler took off his headphones and tucked the album under his arm. With his free hand, placed his hand in Phoebe's as she pulled him up. She placed her arm around him as they walked out the door and into Rachel and Monica's apartment where the rest of the group was waiting for him. Monica and Rachel were making the slow death smoothies, Joey was helping himself to some pizza and Ross was standing by the television, getting the movie ready.

"There you are man, _Hot Dog: The Movie_ is on deck and after.._.Die Hard_," Ross said.

"_The Hot Dog Movie_ and _Die Hard._..whoa, I have the greatest friends ever," Chandler grinned as he and Phoebe walked towards the couch. As they made themselves comfortable, Rachel walked over to the couch holding two slow death smoothies. She handed one to Phoebe and one to Chandler before noticing that Chandler was still gripping Janice's shoe.

"Oh my G-d, Sarah was right," Rachel said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Sarah is my co-worker...at Central Perk," Rachel said.

"Oh, crap...I forgot you work there," Chandler said.

"What? You stole Sarah's shoe?" Joey asked as he walked towards the couch with one of the boxes of pizza. Chandler let out a sigh. He would never be able to walk into Central Perk now. What had Sarah told Rachel?

"No, he stole Janice's shoe. Sarah called me and said, oh your friend Chandler just broke up with a girl and stole her shoe," Rachel said.

"You stole Janice's shoe?" Ross asked.

"No...they're mine. They make me feel taller...and slender," Chandler tried.

"Oh, honey...give me your drink," Rachel said.

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"I think we need to make yours stronger," Rachel said.

Chandler groaned as he handed Rachel his drink. Rachel gently squeezed his shoulder and gave him a kiss on the head.

"Honey, I think you're the coyote who has run off the cliff tonight," Rachel mused before starting to walk off, Chandler grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Wait, Rach...can I go back to Central Perk tomorrow?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, honey, of course...you're my friend. They know not to mess with you and if anyone does, let me know and I'll have a little chat with them," Rachel said.

"Thanks," Chandler said, turning back to lean against Phoebe. He and Rachel had definitely come a long way in their friendship.

"Hey, Joey...move, I wanna sit next to Chandler," Monica said as she walked over to the couch, carrying a tray of drinks and setting them down on the table.

"I wanna help out my brother," Joey said.

"Joey, move," Chandler said.

"Thanks, man," Joey said, giving him a smile.

"She's got boobs, she wins," Chandler said, while he felt grateful that Joey wanted to comfort him, something about being near Monica made him feel better.

"Dammit," Joey muttered as he got up and moved towards the big chair while grabbing another slice of pizza and a drink from the tray. Monica grabbed Chandler's hand and gently squeezed it.

"You will find someone amazing. You know that right, You are not going to die alone. I promise you, you're one of the good ones. I swear...your future wife will be the luckiest girl in the world because she got you," Monica whispered.

"No...I think I'd be the lucky one," Chandler said. Monica smiled at him as she planted a kiss on his cheek. He smiled as he stared at her. He was suddenly overwhelmed guilt. Monica was staring at him with concern, all his friends were there, worried and all he could think about once again were the pills under his bed. As soon as he had gotten back from Central Perk, he had taken a fistful of Oxy Cotin. He was fairly sure the drugs were still in his system and they were all there, making sure he was okay. Rachel handed Chandler his drink and plopped down next to Phoebe. He took a sip, she had made it incredibly strong. He would definitely be getting drunk off this. His thoughts of getting drunk were pushed out of his mind when he overheard Rachel and Phoebe whispering.

"What are you two whispering about?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Chandler said as he shot Rachel and Phoebe a look, having a feeling they were whispering about him and Monica getting together. "They are whispering about nothing. By the way, Rach...nice. Fast death punch," Chandler held up his drink with a smile. Rachel reached her glass over as they clicked them together.

"Yep, who takes care of you, babe," Rachel grinned.

Ross popped the_ Hot Dog Movie_ in the VCR, pressed play and walked over to Rachel sitting next to her, holding her. Phoebe and Monica both snuggled up next to Chandler and Joey was sitting in the big chair. Soon the _Hot Dog Movie_ was followed by _Die Hard_, _Spaceballs_, _When Harry Met Sally_, _Animal House_ and _Weekend at Bernies_...one movie after the other and soon each one fell asleep except Chandler. The guilt he felt for the secret he was keeping from the other five was slowly being diminished by his desire to take some more pills. He had drank a lot and didn't want a hang over. He knew they would be pissed at him when they found out, so he hoped they wouldn't discover what he had been hiding. He carefully maneuvered himself so as not to wake Phoebe and Monica. He walked out of the apartment and into his room where he swallowed about fifteen vicodin tablets. He felt a little better and turned to walk out of his room and back to Monica and Rachel's apartment. He was taken aback to see Monica waiting for him.

"Where were you?" Monica asked.

"I had-I had to use the bathroom," Chandler said.

"I have a bathroom."

"I...I had to brush my teeth."

Monica looked at him, her eyes filled with worry. Chandler felt horrible. His heart sank to his stomach. All five of them had been so wonderful but he couldn't accept it. They would leave him. Monica walked towards him and grabbed his hand. He let her drag him to the window as the two stepped onto the balcony.

"What are you taking?" Monica asked as the two stood, facing each other, the others still sound asleep inside.

"Nothing."

"Chandler...you look emancipated. I was there, the first time...I know-"

"I'm fine, Mon. It's all under control."

"Six months, I lost the love of my life. If I lose you-"

"You're not."

"I love you so much and I'm sorry about what I said...that you could do better than me but you can. You don't want me."

"Mon," Chandler said as the two embraced. He kissed her as she hugged him.

"Please stop...whatever you're doing, just stop. Do you have any idea how much the five of us love you?" Monica asked. "You have no clue and that makes me sad."

He hated this. He hated causing her pain. He hated that she was right. He had felt so much better watching movies with his friends...but it wasn't enough. He needed to stop. He would maybe tomorrow or next week. Soon...he had just broken up with Janice. He knew he would need something to ease that pain.

After sharing one last embrace, the two walked back into the apartment and towards the couch. They sat down and Monica grabbed hold of Chandler, resting her head on his chest. He noticed Phoebe was awake as well. They both watched Monica as she fell asleep before Chandler looked back at Phoebe.

"Don't start," Chandler said.

"I won't," Phoebe said.

"We're friends. That's all."

"For now?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler shrugged as he lifted an arm and pulled Phoebe towards him. He knew that he and Monica were far more complicated than just friends, but he guessed at that moment the easiest label was friends.

"But you know what...thank you.. You guys made me laugh. I'm lucky," Chandler said and he wanted so badly to believe what he was saying. His friends had tried so hard to make him laugh, trying to prove they were as funny as he was. They were amazing, wonderful and yet he felt awful. If they knew how much he was lying to them, how much he was keeping...he wondered if they would stop.

"So are we as funny as you?" Phoebe asked.

"Close," Chandler said.

Phoebe smiled as gave Chandler a kiss on the cheek, "I love you, Chandler Bing."

"I love you too, Phoebe Buffay," Chandler said as Phoebe rested her head on Chandler's chest and fell asleep. He couldn't sleep and soon that guilt turned to fear. Maybe he was wrong, what he had told Monica about having it under control. Maybe he didn't but the problem was he wasn't sure how to stop and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to just yet.


	34. Chapter 34

**January 1997**

He woke up in a crumpled heap in the storage room of his apartment complex. He looked down and noticed he was completely naked. His head pounded as he stared up. He didn't remember much of the previous night. It had been Joey's twenty ninth birthday and he had been depressed. He had many Jello shots and he had had sex. As he lay there, who he had sex with crushed him. He had hooked up with one of Joey's sisters and the problem was, he could not remember which sister and he knew that when Joey found out, there was no doubt he would kill him. Chandler was trapped in his own hell. His pill use had gotten worse and his alcohol intake had increased. He had been taking so many pills that he had started to run out, bottles were disappearing. He was starting to hate looking at himself in the mirror. He looked like a twig. He was smaller than Monica now, smaller than Rachel or Phoebe. He hated being this skinny and hated himself for what he was doing. His friends were starting to ask questions and he had no answers. He knew he needed to stop. He was sabotaging everything. Those five people loved him, they weren't leaving but it didn't matter when logic creeped into his frail mind. It didn't matter the truth. He was walking in a bubble, seeing the pained looks on his friends faces when they looked at him. He was helpless. His power given away and now there he was, nude and hoping to G-d that no one would find him.

His movements were slow as he pulled on his pants and his shirt, his clothes from yesterday and slowly made his way up each step. His steps perfectly in tune with his heartbeat. When he reached the sixth floor, he looked at apartment 19 and could not go in. Joey was certainly in there. He turned instead to walk into Monica and Rachel's apartment where Ross was apparently going on and on about a guy named Mark. On Chandler's urging, Rachel had quit her job at Central Perk to try her hand at her passion. He wasn't sure why he had encouraged her to do that, maybe it was guilt, he didn't know. She did it and wasn't having a whole lot of luck but then she had run into Mark from Bloomingdales. Mark had told her about an interview and Ross was getting jealous. Chandler had remembered listening to some of Ross' rant the previous night but that was the farthest thing from his mind. He had hooked up with one of Joey's sisters.

"He's going to kill you, he's actually going to kill you," Monica said. Chandler nodded, he could barely look at his friends. He did quickly glance at Ross who was raising an eyebrow, staring at him. Ross knew, he definitely knew. Ross opened his mouth to say something when Joey stormed in and began yelling. He almost wanted Joey to hit him, to leave...to no longer be his friend. That would be easier. It would be easier if all of them would stop being his friend then the guilt would go. It would leave and he could be left alone. They didn't need him, he caused too much drama.

The sister he had hooked up with was Mary Angela and that was all he knew. He had lied and told Joey he was falling in love with her. Lying was starting to come so naturally to him. He did it so well and it terrified him how well he could do it but this lie may have gotten him into more trouble as now he needed to figure out a way to talk to her. Later that day, he wrote a letter, one Ross read and immediately called him out on.

"You can't give this to her," Ross said.

"I won't. You will," Chandler said, leaning against counter.

"I will not...look, man...what are you on?" Ross asked.

Ross never asked if Chandler was okay. He just knew.

"I'm not-"

"Don't lie to me. I was there. I don't wanna go through this again."

"It's all under control," Chandler tried, believing that statement less and less.

"You look like crap and you hooked up with Joey's sister. It's far from being under control and you know it. I lived with you for four years. I know what you look like and what you act like when you're going through it. What are you on?" Ross asked.

"Okay...well, I quit today. I don't wanna hurt Joey...anymore. Rock bottom, right?"

"You're unbelievable man," Ross said, shaking his head.

"I promise...I'll quit. I swear. I need to figure out how to make this better...just...okay, look if you're not gonna help than leave," Chandler said.

"Nope. I'm never leaving. I do have to give you credit though, you're trying real hard to get us to leave...but I'm not going too."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"You need to go down there and talk to Mary Angela. You need to make this right," Ross said.

Ross was right and that night, he headed to Joey's house in Queens. Joey had given Chandler the address once a long time ago and he headed down there. As he walked down the street towards Joey's house, a memory clouded his mind again. This street looks so familiar. He had been there before. He knew he had. It was Halloween. He was seventeen. He and his friends had just come from Long Island where Chandler had put the peanut butter on Rachel's car. He had most certainly been here before and as he got closer to Joey's house, the memory surged through him. He had met Joey before.

He had no time to dwell on that as his attempt to try and talk to Mary Angela failed and he ended up getting punched in the face by one of Joey's sisters. It wasn't how he had planned it at all and the ride back was tense. Joey had borrowed Phoebe's cab to drive to Queens so he could do his laundry and was driving back. Chandler kept looking at him, uncomfortably not knowing what to say.

"Did I ever tell you about my buddy, Shane?" Joey asked.

That name hit him. Shane had been his bully. The one who had grabbed his dick and pulled him to the ground. What were the chances of it being the same guy but then he remembered that Halloween party once more. Shane had been there and it had been Joey that had gotten him to leave Chandler alone.

"No," Chandler said.

"I lived with him before I moved in with you. It was me and a couple other guys and these two really hot Swedish airline attendants. Randie and Mandie...oh, long blonde hair, blue eyes and the biggest, most giant-"

"Joe."

"Yeah...well, Shane was really one of my closest friends. Kinda like you...sure he could be an asshole at times, but at heart he was a good guy. One time...I flew to Los Angeles for an audition and came back and Shane was dead. Died of a drug overdose...I knew he tried some pretty hard core stuff, heroin, cocaine and I never said much. I regret that."

"Why are you telling me this?" Chandler asked, the story making him feel ill at ease.

"I'm not as stupid as you think I am. I may not know fancy words and I probably slept my way through high school. It's a miracle they let me graduate, really. But I know other things...and I'm telling you this story 'cause um you mean more to me than Shane ever did and I'm not letting you die. Not on my watch."

"I'm fine, Joe."

"Okay." Joey said glancing over at him and giving him a sad smile which made Chandler feel crappy. Ross knew, Joey knew...he wasn't hiding anything anymore. He wanted to go home. He wanted to leave.

"I'm sorry about your friend."

"Me too. He actually lived in Scarsdale for awhile. Got kicked out of the private school he was at for like beating up some kid. Then he ended up at my school and he only picked on me once," Joey grinned.

They had kicked Shane out? That stopped Chandler. He didn't know if anything had happened to Shane after what had gone down in the locker room that day. He had thought nothing had ever happened and it surprised hm to learn that something had. The rest of the car ride was silent and when he got back to the apartment that night, he immediately grabbed a beer and walked towards his room. As his hand touched the door knob of his room, he felt Joey staring at him carrying his big bag of now clean laundry. Chandler walked into his room and reached under his bed to grab a bottle of methadone tablets and took about thirty which he downed with his beer. He would quit later...he was in pain now. He had just been punched in the face by a girl.

A few days later, Phoebe also seemed concerned as she and Chandler sat across from each other at their designated pizza lunch place. His friends were starting to express even more concern after what had happened at Joey's party.

"How's your eye?" Phoebe asked as he picked the pepperoni off his pizza. He was hoping Phoebe wouldn't start in too. She had always been the friend who hadn't judged him.

"I got punched in the face by a girl. Fine. How are you doing?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler, what's wrong? I mean...what you did at Joey's birthday. That's not you."

"I know. It was a stupid mistake," Chandler said. He wished she drop it. He would quit. As soon as his eye got better, he'd quit. He was sure of it.

"You blacked out. How do you not remember who you made out with? You tried to stick your tongue down Monica's throat. Is that in your master plan to get Monica to be your wife?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Chandler said, shifting uncomfortably and staring at his pizza. As he learned more about his behavior at Joey's birthday, he became more and more embarrassed. In addition to making out with Mary Angela, he had apparently stuck his tongue down Monica's throat and had forgotten all about it.

"No. You fucked up, Chandler. What is going on? Maybe...maybe you're drinking too much. I mean, if you're blacking out-"

"Really...you wanna discuss drinking too much?" Chandler asked, giving her a look. Phoebe was now judging him? Phoebe had no clue. He was starting to get angry and he knew he was pushing her too far.

"I don't black out, Chandler. I remember things. I wish I didn't but I do and I didn't hook with you know...Ross because I got too drunk."

"You did hook up with Ross once, didn't you?" Chandler asked, purposely knowing he was pushing her. He wanted her to stop. He wanted them all to stop. He would hide it better then, hide it so they'd just leave him alone.

"I wasn't drunk and neither was he. He was depressed and I felt bad for him. Carol had just left him. Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm not. I'm just saying that..."

"Why do you look so thin?"

"I don't look thin," Chandler said.

"You look thin, You look unhealthy like we could break you."

"I'm already broken," Chandler said purposely making himself sound melodramatic. She wasn't backing off.

"What's going on, Chandler?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, Pheebs. Really. Just getting over Janice was tough. But I'm okay," Chandler said. He missed Janice, definitely but he wasn't sure how sad he was about it anymore.

"You know...I love you a lot. You are one of my favorite people and...you made everything I have now possible. Please let me help you."

"I'm fine. I'm not leaving you," Chandler said. She couldn't help him. If Joey and Ross couldn't help, Phoebe couldn't help. They didn't understand. None of them did.

"I know."

"I was just feeling depressed. I'm fine. I promise."

"Okay."

Chandler smiled as he picked up his slice of pizza and took a large bite. He would quit. He would, he would show them. It had just been a rough couple of months with he and Janice breaking up and then getting punched in the face. He would quit when his eye was better or when he got the nubbin removed.

It was a quick outpatient procedure. He had a nubbin, a little pink bump that looked like a third nipple and it wasn't until a girl he had dated that had a fake leg was grossed out by it that he decided to get it removed and when he did, the doctors prescribed painkillers and told Chandler that they should only be used if he was in pain. The doctors had no clue and Chandler said okay. They hadn't given him a lot and he ran out quickly and he decided he needed more. He would quit after he got more pills for nubbinectomy. He spent hours writing and rewriting and soon got the doctor's handwriting down pat. He took the prescription to a pharmacy, his heart pounding and was stunned when he realized it had worked. He had forged a prescription and gotten pills. He was far too in now and thought may he wouldn't quit or maybe he would when he finished that bottle. He had worked hard for that bottle and it was his reward.


	35. Chapter 35

**February 1997**

He blamed Rachel and Ross. He blamed Ross' jealousy and the stupid copy girl Ross had slept with. Chandler had been doing so well. He had been hiding it even better but then came news that Ross has cheated on Rachel and now the two were fighting while Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey were trapped in Monica's room. They were lying together on Monica's bed, Joey absent mindedly stirring a container of leg wax. Chandler began feeling sick. He felt hot.

"Are you alright man?" Joey asked.

"I'm fine. Not feeling well," Chandler said, he grabbed Monica's pillow and held it close to him. He wanted to throw up. He wanted Ross and Rachel to stop fighting so he could leave. He needed to take something to help the nausea.

"You're sweating. Are you okay?" Monica asked.

"Just feeling sick. I'm fine. I got pain meds after my nubbin-ectomy. I feel-"

"Your nubbin-ectomy was ten days ago. I thought it was a quick, out patient thing. They gave you pain meds for that?" Monica asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at him. He shouldn't have said that.

"Yeah. I feel a bit of pain," Chandler said, purposely not looking at Monica. Instead, he tried to stand up deciding to leave but instead collapsed back on the bed. Monica put her arm around him, comforting him.

"Leslie was right," Phoebe said suddenly.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Shit, Chandler...Leslie was right," Phoebe said. Chandler glared at Phoebe, once again telepathically trying to get her to shut up. Leslie was Phoebe's old friend and singing partner.

"About what?" Monica asked.

"I'm fine, Phoebe," Chandler said, enunciating every word.

"You're in withdrawal," Phoebe said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"I'm not...I just don't feel well. That is all. I want Rachel and Ross to stop fighting so I can get out of here," Chandler said, tired.

"Are you on drugs?" Monica asked.

"No. No, I'm not," Chandler said.

"Chandler...come tell me the truth. Are you on something?" Monica asked.

He had lied so much, that it was becoming almost second nature. He stared at Monica, trying to ignore the anger and hurt he saw in her eyes.

"No," Chandler said. Monica let out a snort and shook her head. He half expected her to hit him but instead, she continued to comfort him, although he could tell she was angry.

"We can leave the room. If you're feeling sick...we should...are you sure you're okay?" Monica asked as she held him closer, gently kissing his forehead.

"I'm gonna be fine."

Chandler lay there, Monica still holding him. He was falling, spiraling. He felt sick as he could feel all three of them staring at him. He wanted crawl out of his own skin. He wanted to crawl away. He wanted to get the hell out of that room.

As soon as they were able, they left Rachel and Monica's apartment. Phoebe followed Joey and Chandler out and into their apartment. Chandler went straight to his room and grabbed a bottle of vicodin and one of the tiny bottles of vodka from his drawer. He was running low on pain meds, he needed more quickly. He was shocked at how fast he was running out. He didn't think he was taking that many as he downed about twenty pills with the tiny bottle of vodka.

When he finally walked out of his room, he saw Joey and Phoebe hugging. Phoebe was crying as Joey rubbed her back.

"What's wrong, Pheebs?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe and Joey stopped hugging. She turned to stare at him, anger dripping from her eyes.

"Nothing," Phoebe said.

"Pheebs," Chandler said.

"No...I can lie too," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe," Joey said.

"What?" Chandler asked as Phoebe lunged towards him, furious.

"You promised you wouldn't leave and I don't know what you're on or what the hell you're doing but you better just fucking stop. You hear me? Stop."'

"What are you on?" Joey said, his voice sounding tired as he walked towards Phoebe and Chandler.

"Nothing."

"Chandler, I know. I know you hide bottles of pills under your bed. I throw half of them out everyday and you were going through withdrawals in Monica's bedroom," Joey said.

"Wait, you're going through my stuff? Stay out of my things," Chandler said, that made him angry. How dare Joey throw out his bottles. He needed those and he was planning on quitting anyway. Joey didn't need to go through his stuff. That's why he was running out so quickly, that's why he had to forge that prescription. Joey was messing with his stuff.

"You lied to Monica," Phoebe said.

"Look, I gotta get ready for bed. I'm okay. There is nothing...just stop touching my stuff, Joe," Chandler grinned and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. The door was soon opened by Joey, staring at him.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked.

"Leave me alone."

"No, stop being an ass."

"I'm not your friend, Shane...whom by the way, you wanna know why he got kicked out of his school in Scarsdale? 'Cause I'm the kid he beat up."

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am. He grabbed me by the dick and threw me to the ground and beat the shit out of me and I saw him again at your Halloween party when I was seventeen and he threatened me again so don't you fucking dare put me in the same category," Chandler said as he walked towards the kitchen, heading over to the fridge..

"You were at my Halloween party? Oh..." Joey said as recognition soon dawned on his face.

"Yeah, so I'm sorry if I don't feel so sympathetic. Just stay the hell out of my things and leave me alone," Chandler said. Joey walked over to him and grabbed his arm to stop him when Chandler suddenly swung at him. Joey jumped back and immediately pinned him to the fridge.

"You wanna try hitting me again? There's a reason Shane only picked on me once," Joey said when suddenly their door opened and Monica and Phoebe walked in. Chandler could see their stunned looks.

"Guys," Phoebe said.

"What are you doing?" Monica asked.

"Chandler tried to punch me in the face," Joey said.

"Chandler," Phoebe said.

"Stop messing with my stuff," Chandler said, trying to break free of Joey's grasp. He wasn't thinking clearly, his heart beating wildly. Monica walked towards him and Joey, placed her hand on Joey's and removed it from Chandler while stepping in between them. She stared at Chandler, he couldn't look at her, knowing she was angry.

"Can I talk to you, please?" Monica asked.

"I-" Chandler said.

"Please," Monica looked at him with a pleading look in her eyes. She held tightly onto his arm and the two walked out of the apartment. The two walked upstairs to the roof. When they reached the roof, she turned to look at him.

"We're doing this again?" Monica asked.

"I'm not-"

"Stop lying. Stop lying to me, Phoebe, Joey, Ross...stop lying. You are not okay. You tried to hit Joey? How do you think that would have ended? You're sick, Chandler...I mean, we have to go through this again? G-d, it's enough...you're gonna be twenty eight years old. Grow up already," Monica said.

Chandler stared at Monica and his guilt turned to anger. Pure anger, the adrenaline he felt before, the anger he was currently feeling.

"Leave me alone...just leave me alone Monica. Who made you in charge of me and you're not so perfect either...you're an obsessive, anal retentive control freak and I'm not your property or yours to change."

"You're an asshole," Monica said.

"Fine and you know what? You always tell me how you would never date me but you know what, maybe I would never date you."

"Please."

"No, I'd rather not date women who throws up their food after they eat it, you bulimic freak," Chandler said and just like that the words hung in the air. Monica stared at him. The reality of what he said hung there. He had screwed up and wasn't sure what to say now. "Mon. I didn't mean that...I'm...I-"

"No," Monica said, her voice sounding hollow now and almost eerily calm as she slowly enunciated every word that came out of her mouth, "here...here's what's gonna happen. Tomorrow is gonna be a really rough day. Phoebe will probably stick with Rachel tomorrow and I'm gonna need you and Joey to spend the day with Ross. I will go back and forth. It's not your turn right now. I don't have time. My best friend and my brother are both hurting...so I'm gonna need to take care of them. It's not time for you. I'm going to check on Rachel and call Ross, 'cause I don't think he's asleep. You do whatever you need to do...'cause it's clear you have it all figured out."

Monica turned and walked towards the door, leaving Chandler alone on the roof. He turned and leaned against the wall as tears fell. He stared out into the darkness of New York. He wanted so badly to be happy, to accept the love those other five clearly wanted to give him but he couldn't do it and couldn't figure out why. As he stared at the skyline, he wondered what it would be like to not be there. He could be gone and the five would move on. They wouldn't miss him. They'd probably be happier.

Soon, he did turn and walk out. He walked back into his apartment to find Joey on the couch watching _Baywatch_. Chandler sat down next to him. Joey glanced over at him and looked back at the television where the two continued to watch in silence.

The next few days were rough as Ross and Rachel could not be in the same room together and it caused the other four to take sides. Monica, Joey and Phoebe said nothing to Chandler about that night when Ross and Rachel had broken up and Chandler tried to quit but with the stress getting to him, he kept taking more and more pills, deciding he'd quit when they were done. He knew Joey was getting rid of his bottles still but didn't call him out on it. He needed to quit. He knew he needed to and soon he was down to one bottle of vicodin and he took it with them when he, Joey, Monica and Phoebe decided to join Rachel on a camping trip in her sister's cabin in the woods. Ross stayed behind. It had been a rough night. They had stalled on the side of the road and Ross had to help them but now there they were. Chandler sat on the balcony, staring at the darkness and smoking a cigarette, the bottle of vicodin in his jacket pocket. He needed to stop. It was too much. He was hurting too many people. He hurt Monica and Joey, that hurt him more than anything. He heard something behind him, but didn't look and soon noticed Phoebe sitting next to him.

"I'm not on anything," Chandler said, still staring out into the darkness.

"Okay...you know...Monica said you were on something again. I was gonna asked her what she was talking about but we got sidetracked. Chandler, I love you so much and I hate what you're doing. I hate that you don't get how amazing you actually are and how wonderful you are...and you're so hard on yourself and I'm sorry I got mad, but I can't stick around...I hate that you're forcing me and the rest of us who love you so much...you're forcing us to watch you die. Why?"

Chandler remained silent and continued staring out into the darkness as Phoebe continued looking at him. He didn't know the answer.

"Fine. I'm going to bed and by the way, Chandler, if you remember, a few years I gave you seven thousand dollars if you never smoked again. Technically, you owe me seven thousand dollars.. Good night."

Phoebe got up and began to walk back towards the house. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted her to stay so he called her name and pulled the bottle of pills out of his jacket and placed it on the table. Phoebe walked back to the table and sat, she grabbed it and tried to look at the label, but it was too dark.

"It's vicodin," Chandler said.

"For your nubbin-ectomy?" Phoebe asked.

"Kinda," Chandler said although he wasn't entirely sure, there were a lot of pills, "When Monica said that I was hooked again...back when she cut off my toe, they gave me pain meds and I got addicted. I quit after a few months of just excessive pill taking. Ross and Monica are the only ones who knew about that. Monica has always felt really guilty about that because she thinks that had she not cut off my toe, I wouldn't have gotten pain meds and wouldn't have gotten addicted to pills. It's not her fault. It's completely mine. But I did quit. In fact, when I saw you that day on the subway...I had been sober for about a year. It got pretty dicey for awhile though, but I thought I was okay. I hadn't taken a pill in eight years but then I went to the doctor for the nubbin-ectomy and...I got hooked again. They gave me pills and then I...I forged a prescription to get more...and more...and the night Ross and Rachel broke up, you're right, I was going through withdrawals."

"You lied to Monica, Chandler."

And he was still lying...fudging when he actually fell off the wagon this time. It wasn't when he got the nubbinectomy, it was before and he was pretty sure Phoebe suspected that.

"I know. I'm a bad person."

"No, you're not. Stop saying this stuff or thinking it...how can we get you to stop thinking this?"

"I don't know."

"What did Monica say to you? When you talked?"

"Asked me to stop," Chandler said giving her the short version. It was obvious Monica had not told anyone what he said to her and he didn't want to admit it.

"You didn't."

"No...I mean, Ross and Rachel were fighting-"

"Do not blame them. They did not cause this."

"I know. Take those pills and flush 'em. It's my last bottle," Chandler said. He needed to quit, had to quit but he needed help quitting and he felt Phoebe would help him.

"I don't know if I believe you."

"I know you don't."

Chandler watched her as she unscrewed the bottle and poured the pills in her hand. He watched as she stood up and walked towards the railing and threw the pills out into the darkness. That made him grin.

"You know if an animal eats one of those, they'll probably die," Chandler remarked as he extinguished his cigarette on the table.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Or not...maybe it'll help them run faster you know...right before they die," Chandler said as he got up and walked towards her. He did love Phoebe. He loved all of them and maybe that's what he had to do. So with with Phoebe's help...that night, he quit. He wanted to laugh.

"Oh, crap," Phoebe muttered, "animals! If you hear me out there...stay away from the vicodin."

He placed his arm around Phoebe and held her close to him.

"I think that did it," Chandler said.

"If one of those animals dies from one of your pills, I'm gonna take that dead animal and beat you with it."

"I know. I'm sorry, Phoebe. I really am," Chandler said.

"Screw you," Phoebe said as she wrapped her arm around his waist. "You stink."

"I know. I love you, Pheebs," Chandler said as he kissed her on the head.

"Me too."

It was going to be rough, he knew that much. But he knew what he needed to do. The rest of the camping trip was spent with him practically sleeping the bathroom, leaning over the toilet. Each one of his friends stayed with him. They each took turns and when each one stayed with him, he took that opportunity to apologize.

"It's okay," Joey said as he sat with Chandler. He was eating pizza as Chandler was curled up next to the toilet.

"No, I really am sorry and I'm sorry about your friend, Shane."

"He really did that?" Joey asked.

"Yeah and at your Halloween party...the one thing I remember was you telling him to back off me. Thanks, man."

Joey smiled as he continued to sit with him. It was through talking they had discovered how far back they actually went. It made Chandler appreciate Joey so much more. The hardest person to apologize to was Monica. When Joey's shift was over, it was Monica's turn and she sat with him.

"Do you hate me?"

"No, Chandler. I know you would like me too but I don't. I want you to be happy. That's all-"

"What I said to you...I'm so sorry."

"I know. Get better and I'll forgive you."

"Thanks...also, I need to call Richard."

"Why?" Monica asked.

"While you were dating he knew...he gave me the number of a rehab specialist guy and...I think I need to call him," Chandler said.

"Richard knew?"

"Yeah. I told him not to tell...I wasn't ready."

"Chandler, when did you fall off the wagon?" Monica asked.

"About a year ago, when Eddie moved in."

"Chandler."

"I'm sorry."

"You need help."

"I know."

"I can't...I don't know how to help you anymore. You need professional help," Monica said.

"I know. I'll call Richard. I don't think I can do this alone. What I said to you...I'm so sorry. I don't want you to hate me. I'm sorry I lied so much. I thought I could handler it," Chandler said, his eyes filling with tears.

"We'll get through it," Monica said as she reached for his hand, squeezing it.

"Hey...are you feeling better?" Rachel walked into the bathroom carrying a video.

"Ehhh," Chandler said.

"I'm depressed and I wanna watch _Spaceballs_ and you haven't done that with me yet and that makes me mad so if you're not feeling pukey...let's watch," Rachel said. Chandler smiled as he looked over at Monica. Monica smiled.

"I'll get you a bucket."

Monica helped him as he stood up and walked towards Rachel. She placed a blanket around both their shoulders and they walked towards the couch. He lay down and Rachel set up the movie and sat next to him.

"You're too thin," Rachel remarked. "I want my cuddly Chandler back."

"I know."

"And...hey, you know...I never thanked you."

"For what?" Chandler asked.

"I quit Central Perk because of you. I got my dream job because you pushed me to be better and now I'm gonna return the favor."

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"Here you go," Monica said, placing a bucket next to him and plopping herself down on the couch as well.

"Oh, I called Ross. He's coming up here after he spends the day with Ben," Rachel said.

"You did?" Monica asked.

"I had too. I mean, I'm mad and angry and all but...Chandler's sick and we need all of us. We're a group of six, right?" Rachel asked, smiling.

"Thanks, Rach," Chandler said.

"You're part of us, Chandler. Please don't leave. If you left and...I mean, I never thought I'd say this...but if you left...my G-d...I know I'd fall apart. Please get well," Rachel said.

"I'm getting there."

"And stop lying to us, jackass," Monica muttered.

"That too."

Rachel smiled as she pressed play. She snuggled up next to him as they watched the movie. Joey and Phoebe soon joined them as did Ross. While Ross and Rachel did not speak, having Ross there felt good, in fact having all five of them there made him feel good.

When they returned, he decided he would keep his promise. He even quit smoking. He wanted to make them proud, wanted to earn their friendship and trust back. It was definitely tough as many nights, Joey stayed up with him, helping him. He managed to get through it. He managed to put back on the weight he had lost and by the time they all headed to the beach that May, he was back in shape, looking healthier than he had ever felt.


	36. Chapter 36

**May 1997-November1997**

Chandler was feeling a lot better than he had felt in a long time. By the time the group had gone to the beach together, he felt healthy. He had worked hard and made a pact to himself that he would not touch another pill, but there was one person he still felt guilty about hurting and that was Monica. Sure she had seemingly forgiven him for what he had said on the roof but he didn't quite forgive himself so a few days after the beach trip, he wanted to take her out. He was a little surprised when she said okay after what happened at the beach, how she kept saying they would never date and then of course the part where he peed on her after she got stung by a jelly fish, but she said okay. He decided to take her for sushi. He knew of a the perfect place, a place that actually served jelly fish sushi rolls. Chandler ordered a plate for Monica specially.

"It's the best revenge. Sure, they can sting you but you can eat them," Chandler said as Monica laughed, picking up a roll with her chopsticks. She looked at him.

"Wait, if I eat this are you going to pee on me again?"

"No," Chandler stressed as Monica stuck the roll in her mouth.

"Tasty...still want them all to die though."

"Me too. So okay, can I tell you why I really wanted you to come out with me tonight?" Chandler asked.

"Why?"

Chandler took a deep breath as he picked up his napkin and placed it back down. He was uncomfortable trying to get the words out as he looked down at his plate, barely able to look Monica in the eye.

"I...I wanted to apologize...for what I said...and for hurting you," Chandler said.

"Chandler."

"No...what I said to you...that night...on-on the roof...that was...I'd hate me and I'm really sorry...I wanted to apologize to you separately from everyone else because I don't want them to know what I said to you and-"

"I'm not gonna tell 'em," Monica said.

"I know, it- I just...if I could take it back-"

"I know. It's okay-"

"It's not really."

"Okay, it's not...but...I do forgive you and I know I boss you around a lot and come down hard on you but...see...okay, you know the reason I'm always so hard on you? Harder then I am on anyone else?" Monica

"'Cause I peed on you?" Chandler asked.

"Sometimes...it's 'cause...okay, what you said aside...normally, I think you're amazing and just fantastic and funny and smart and sweet...and for as gross as it was, you did step up when that jellyfish stung me and by the way, while I was dying of pain, I did get a nice look at it...nice."

"Really?"

"Janice and Lizzie were lucky girls."

"I keep telling you-"

"Hey," Monica grinned, "but see...what kills me is that you don't see any of that amazingness.. Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, Joey...they have their issues but they're still confident in themselves and I think you should be. You're an amazing guy."

"Thanks."

"We all see that...that's why we all get so mad at you. We love you so much and it kills us that you don't see what we see...or what I see. I see a fantastic man who doesn't give himself nearly enough credit," Monica said.

"Well...I'm working on that and you know what else?"

"What?"

"You were wrong," Chandler said.

"What? No, I'm never wrong. I'm not wrong."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"I'm still not wrong."

"My G-d, you and Ross are truly related. I was going to say...you were wrong when you said that I didn't like when you were heavier."

"You hated me...you thought I was repulsive."

"Nope."

"I thought you weren't gonna lie anymore," Monica said, giving him a grin.

"I'm not. Remember that time when you and Rachel came to visit Ross and I in college and there was that party and I took you and Rachel home?"

"Yeah. You still miss that car?"

"More and more everyday...but okay, you were still heavier and when you smiled I me...I thought you had such a pretty smile and then I couldn't stop thinking about you and even after I dropped you off and then dropped Rachel off...I missed you. I mean, I couldn't wait to get Rachel out of my car but you...I actually missed you. I missed you being there...so there...I didn't find you repulsive at all."

"Really?"

"Yeah...I remember thinking you were cute. So honestly, I don't care if you gain eight hundred pounds, I'm still gonna wanna be with you 'cause you'll still be you."

"That's sweet...you're back. When you're healthy, you're far nicer," Monica said.

"Not a whole lot. I stole Joey's meatball sub from the fridge yesterday and took it with me to lunch," Chandler said.

"Oh my G-d...you really want him to kill you, don't you?" Monica asked.

"The man bought fifteen sandwiches...I can't take one?" Chandler asked.

"You want the normal person answer or the Joey Tribbiani answer?"

"Yeah, I know...although, I find it funny, the man can't pay half the rent, but buy a truckload of sandwiches-"

"Priorities," Monica laughed.

"Seriously...and by the way, when he asked...I said it was Rachel," Chandler grinned.

"Oh, Chandler."

"What? Yes, she's my friend now...but I can still play, can't I?"

"Do you think my brother and Rachel will ever get it right?"

"I don't know...but I remember him putting a picture of her on his wall freshman year of college and...I think he's obsessed with her. I think...she's different now and maybe that's weird for him."

"She is different. She's...completely different. A little spoiled still, but definitely not the same girl and I'm glad you two are friends."

"Me too and believe me I never thought that would happen."

"She said the same thing. Man, you two hated each other."

"Yeah...I like her now though...she's kinda brave."

"She is."

Chandler loved sitting across from Monica, loved talking with her, playing with her. They had played at the beach. He had pretended to ask her out, she turned him down. He was in a better place now and both were now single. After dinner, the two walked side by side, taking in the New York air. They eventually ended up strolling around Central Park. Chandler felt as Monica slid her hand into his and gave him a smile. He smiled back.

"What if I was British and had a mustache? Then would you go out with me?" Chandler asked.

"Well...your British accent sucks-"

"It's better than yours...and if I was British then it wouldn't be a fake accent."

"True, but I'd still say no."

"Why?"

"'Cause I've seen you with a mustache...you look like a failed porn star," Monica said.

"Richard had a mustache," Chandler said.

"He could pull it off. You...not so much," Monica said as they inched closer together.

"You know, I knew you and Richard would never last."

"What?" Monica asked, sounding a little hurt.

"No...Richard wasn't good enough for you. He's too perfect...you know with his perfectly manicured mustached and rock hard, chiseled man pecs," Chandler said. Monica laughed as she sat on a bench, Chandler sitting beside her.

"Do you want to date Richard?" Monica asked.

"He was too perfect for you."

"Okay, I'm asking my question again," Monica said.

"No...you need a fucked up kind of a guy."

"What?"

"You heard me. You need a guy who has issues...you need a project."

"I do not and I dated Pete...he was insane. He had issues," Monica said.

"No...no, you need a guy from a crappy family who is really very charming and-and is recovering from a drug habit," Chandler said.

"Awwww, it's every girl's dream. You peed on me."

"Only the one time...Is that really a deal breaker."

"Yeah," Monica said.

"Man," Chandler let out a snort as he shook his head. Monica laughed as she linked her arm in his, placing her head on his shoulder.

"You wanna know why I really can't date you?" Monica asked.

"Why?"

"'Cause...okay, when Richard and I broke up, that was devastating to me. It was horrible and broke me completely. I loved him and took six months to recover. If you and I dated and broke up...I'm not sure I could recover from that. It would kill me to lose you," Monica said, looking up at him.

"Mon."

"No...it would hurt too much. I love you so much and tonight was really sweet but I can't...I-I mean, when you were going through the drugs...what hurt more than what you said was you not being there. You were gone...maybe not literally, but metaphorically...you weren't there and the Chandler I knew would never have said that stuff. You are doing so well and you look healthy and cute...I just...let me get there."

"Okay."

"And...Richard was not too perfect for me. I don't need a project."

"Yeah, you do."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're a mom...you're mothering and nurturing and like taking care of people. Richard had no issues, nothing you needed to take care of or make better or nurture. I mean, as much as I love Phoebe...you basically took a homeless person in to live with you. Rachel...she's was scared and upset and you took her in as well, despite what she had done to you. You need someone to take care of, someone you can look out for. It's why you'll be such a great mom someday."

Monica looked up at him. A smile spread across her face. He had just said it, the way he he said it, the way it rolled off his tongue, so easily, so simply.

"You really think so?"

"Oh, G-d yeah...you're already there."

"I had no choice but to take Phoebe in. I mean, where would she have gone if I had said no? She was sleeping on bus bench in Port Authority."

"A lot of people would have said no. Had I not already met Phoebe twice...I would have said no. A lot of people would have sent her back to her bus bench without a second thought. It's why you're amazing and it's why you'll be an incredible mother when you get the chance," Chandler said.

Monica's eyes filled with tears as she looked at him. He smiled at her, still grabbing her hand. She reached up and gently placed her hand on his cheek, turning him towards her. She said up straighter as he lowered his head towards her. Their lips met as they kissed. He loved kissing her, it always felt so perfect to him.

"Thank you," Monica said. "I forgive you...and can you make me a promise?"

"Of course."

"If you ever fall off the wagon, can you tell me?"

"Mon."

"No...I mean, I would get upset but...I've been through it with you twice and...I-just please tell me. If I need a project or someone to take care of as you say...there's no one I'd rather take care of than you."

"Okay. I promise...and I hope one day, I can return the favor."

The two shared another kiss and they got up and continued to walk around the park, holding hands. It felt nice, the two of them. Chandler just loved being there with her, even if she wasn't going to date him now, being near her made him stronger.

Maybe things were going too well. Maybe because he was finally healthy. He wasn't sure what caused him to do what he did, but he knew his primal instincts drove him to act on his feelings for Joey's girlfriend, Kathy. They were in the same acting class, Joey and Kathy. Kathy was beautiful, short reddish brown hair, big brown eyes and knew more about film than he did. One of the first nights she had slept over, he had walked out of his bedroom to find her watching an Ernie Kovacs special on Halloween night. He had woken up to watch it and seen her there.

"I didn't think I'd have to fight with someone over the remote at two in the morning," Chandler said.

"It's just...it's Ernie Kovacs. I love him, he is so funny," Kathy said.

"That's-that's what I wanted to watch. You know who he is?"

"Of course."

Chandler's eyes widened. He had been trying for years to get the rest of the group to love those old comedians as much as he did. He had shown them everything, talked incessantly about the brilliance of Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton and Laurel and Hardy. The closest he ever got to pure interest was Rachel. Rachel knew who Laurel and Hardy were. She would happily watch those shows with him and when he had told her about the Ernie Kovacs thing, she had planned to come over to watch with him.

"Mine if I hop in?" Chandler asked, walking towards the boat he and Joey had set up in the living room. A few weeks earlier, Chandler and Joey had been robbed and now all they had was patio furniture and a wooden kayak.

"Come on in," Kathy said.

As Chandler sat in the kayak, he heard the door open behind him. Rachel walked in, blanket wrapped around her as she grabbed one of the patio chairs and moved it towards the boat.

"We have company?" Rachel asked.

"You remember Kathy. She likes Ernie Kovacs," Chandler said.

"Wow," Rachel said.

"You know, some say I'm this generation's Milton Berle," Chandler grinned.

"No, I just said that so you would feel better about yourself and you could get the hell out of my boss' office," Rachel said.

"Why were you in her boss' office?" Kathy asked.

"She handcuffed him to a chair," Rachel said.

"What?" Kathy asked.

"Go away," Chandler said, looking at Rachel..

"No, I wanna watch this. By the way, Bing...you have a well paying job. Buy furniture," Rachel said.

"I don't like you," Chandler said.

Rachel laughed as the show began. Chandler began pointing out things. Rachel kept shooting him looks, but he ignored them. He liked talking to Kathy, loved pointing out things. He was in heaven and he loved talking to this girl.

The next day over lunch at a sushi place in between both their offices, Rachel and Chandler were discussing Kathy. It had become a common thing for both of them, to go to lunch once a week. Chandler could not stop talking about Kathy, about how excited she was about the Ernie Kovacs special and Rachel kept shaking her head.

"Be careful, Chandler," Rachel finally said, taking a bite of her sushi.

"About what?"

"Kathy's not your girlfriend. I know you two have a lot in common but...you're skating on really thin ice and you're doing so well. How many months has it been now?"

"Eight months."

"You look healthy again and we all forgive you and-"

"What if-what if they decide to take a break?" Chandler asked.

"Really?" Rachel asked.

"I won't do anything."

"'Cause I mean...Joey...you screw up that friendship and-"

"I won't.. He means too much to me. I won't fuck it up. Have a little faith in me."

"I do. I also know you can be a self destructive dick wad."

"Thank you, Rachel."

"Anytime...look, be careful."

"I will...by the way, that college guy you were going out with? Come on, Rach."

"I know...it's over although he did invite me to a Halloween rager tonight if I dress up like a naughty school girl."

"I think you should dress up like that all the time."

"Ha, ha...but no, I'm not going to a rager. I haven't been one of those in a long time."

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"What? You're not the only one who partied way too much and way too hard in college, I have some stories."

"Dammit, we should've been better friends back then."

"Be careful please."

"I won't do anything," Chandler stressed and Rachel simply nodded. When he said the words, he believed it but it got to be too complicated. When he bought Kathy her favorite book, "The Velveteen Rabbit" for her birthday, this time Rachel, Phoebe and Monica cautioned him.

"I thought I said, be careful," Rachel mused, looking up from the New York Times crossword puzzle she was working on. It was now the beginning of November and Chandler had walked into their apartment, happily carrying the gift, eager to show it off and was a little shocked when the girls weren't as excited as he was.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Gee, I don't know...what a better way to say, 'I don't secretly love you roommate's girlfriend' then buy her a thoughtful gift she'll love," Phoebe said.

"I buy thoughtful gifts," Chandler said.

"No, you don't," Monica said.

"Yeah...you've gotten me Travel Scrabble and a backpack...gosh, Chandler...you know me so well," Rachel said, crinkling her nose.

"I'm still waiting for my birthday gift," Phoebe said.

"Haven't I done enough for you Pheebs?" Chandler grinned.

"No," Phoebe said.

"You cannot give her that gift," Monica said.

"She'll love it," Chandler said.

"She will but what do you think it'll look like when you give her that and Joey gives her...-" Monica said.

"Another backpack," Rachel said.

"Exactly," Monica said.

"You can't give her that Chandler," Phoebe said.

Chandler let out a sigh as he sat on the couch. He looked at the three girls who immediately got up to surround him and comfort him.

"I hate this...she's so...she likes everything I like. She grew up in Scarsdale and went to the girls boarding school down the street from my school. We'd have dances with that school..She knew the girl I went to senior prom with...one of her best friends dated my friend, Tyler...it's..I...it's sucks," Chandler said. The more he talked to Kathy, the more he fell for her. The more he got to know her, the more he wondered what it would be like for them to be together, but he knew he couldn't have those thoughts.

"I know...and can I ask you something?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"Well...considering the fact that apparently you do know how to buy good gifts, for Christmas this year...can you actually buy me something that doesn't make me want to hurt you?" Rachel asked.

"Sure...how do you feel about a large jar of peanut butter," Chandler grinned, "that I will throw at you."

"Well, that's better than a stupid backpack," Rachel mused which made Chandler laugh, "and given how much we we've been through with you this past year...I'm thinking jewelry," Rachel said.

"No, no...I want jewelry. I deserve it," Monica said, giving him a knowing grin.

"I want jewelry too," Phoebe said.

"You really trust me with buying you jewelry? Are those necklaces with the names still popular?" Chandler asked. The three girls exchanged looks and shook their heads.

"Stick with a backpack," Rachel groaned. Chandler laughed as they continued to give him gift ideas and why

. He knew though that he was in over his head. He gave Joey the book to give to Kathy but Kathy knew that Chandler had gotten the gift. He kept trying to bury his feelings. He was doing well, he was healthy, Joey had been so incredible to him. He couldn't keep feeling these feelings, feelings that he had only felt three times before...Lizzie, Janice and Monica...he kept trying so hard to bury them but one night, a week before Thanksgiving. He failed. He couldn't do it. Kathy was there, waiting for Joey. Joey had gone out and before Chandler or Kathy knew it, they were kissing. It was intense, passionate, wonderful and very, very wrong.

Chandler had tried to make it up to Joey. He had bought new furniture for their apartment, using the trust fund money. He didn't reveal the entire reason that he wanted to use the trust fund money for new furniture, just giving the short, "we were robbed and I can't afford to buy new crap entirely on my own" answer...which was true. He also wanted to make it up Joey, wanted so badly for Joey to forgive him and that Thanksgiving when Chandler had come home to find Joey packing, it hurt even more. He was desperate to save this friendship, he couldn't lose it although Joey seemed ready to throw in the towel.

"Come on...I messed up," Chandler said.

"You know what the worst part is? You were sober, man," Joey said, "I fucking saved you. I probably flushed thousands of dollars worth of pills down the toilet. I stayed up with you every night when we got back from the beach...and when that guy was robbing us, I kept thinking about how I let you down. Maybe I shouldn't have worried about it that much."

Joey grabbed his duffel bag and walked to the door. Chandler walked over to him and grabbed the bag out of his hand. Joey grabbed it back.

"Can we please talk?"

"What is wrong with you?" Joey asked."I get you've been through crap in your life and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my friend, Shane, beat you up when you were fourteen. But you're not fourteen...and Shane is dead. So really, I wouldn't worry about him too much anymore."

"I really am sorry, Joey. I...it was..."

"I'm outta here," Joey said.

"Tell me what to do to make it up to you, I will do anything."

That's where the box idea started, Chandler would be spending all of Thanksgiving trapped in a box to prove to Joey how much he meant to him. At first, he made jokes but after Joey yelled at him, he stopped and remained quiet. He did begin to think. He was twenty eight years old. Next April, he'd be entering the last year of his twenties. What was wrong with him? That question ran through his mind over and over. Why couldn't he let all this crap go? He thought about the other five, Joey and Monica specifically. The love he had for those two...sure they were both very different types of love, but he still could not imagine his life without them and he had no idea why he kept pushing them away, why he kept doing things to hurt Monica and Joey. He was so sick of everything, so sick of apologizing but he didn't know what to do, how to stop pushing them all away.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Kathy's voice. He heard the girls telling Kathy that Chandler was unable to speak at the moment and then he listened in pain as Kathy dumped him. His heart dropped but he felt perhaps he deserved it. He had sabotaged everything...yet again. Soon, Kathy's voice disappeared and suddenly he could hear Joey walking towards him and taking the lid off the wooden box, yelling at him to go find Kathy.

"You sure?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, we're fine," Joey said as the two men hugged.

"I'm so sorry...I...I just...I don't know...I-you're my best friend man and I owe you so much. I am so, so sorry-"

"I know."

"All of you...I'm sorry...I don't know why I act this way and I don't why I'm self destructive and I know I don't deserve friends like you and I'm...I'm sorry," Chandler said, looking at the others..

"We know, go get her, Chandler," Rachel said.

"Yeah, go get her," Monica said.

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah," Monica said.

Chandler nodded as he raced out of the apartment, down the six flights of stairs and out of the door. When he finally caught up with Kathy, she turned to face him.

"Chandler?"

"Please go out with me. Joey and I made up and I...I'm a horrible boyfriend, I'm insecure and self destructive and do a lot of really stupid crap like screw over one of the greatest friends I've ever had...but if any of any of that appeals to you...let me take you dinner and...a movie," Chandler said.

Kathy looked at him and grinned. He could tell her eyes were filled with tears as she slowly nodded.

"It appeals to me."

"Good...'cause I'm not easy."

"Neither am I...by the way," Kathy said, motioning towards his building. Chandler turned and looked up. He laughed as he noticed five figures crowded on Monica and Rachel's balcony, staring at him. He shook his head as he leaned into kiss Kathy, holding her in his arms.

Sure, his heart would always belong to Monica but at that moment, it was shared with Kathy. He was falling once again. Maybe Kathy could be his one as Monica still not want to date him. In the distance, he could hear loud cheering. He knew it was the five of them, could easily distinguish their voices. He could even hear a distinctive, "yeah, baby" which he knew was Joey. They were happy for him, they were always happy for him, rooting for him, regardless of the crap he pulled...if only he could figure it out himself. Maybe 1998 would be the year he'd figure it out...maybe 1998 would be the year he could finally claim to have it all and that it would finally be good enough.


	37. Chapter 37

**December 1997-January 1998**

1997 was ending perfectly and even more perfect was when Gandalf came back into town. Chandler could not wait to see his old friend. He could not want to tell him about Kathy. He had a girlfriend, a real live girlfriend. Even Ross was surprisingly excited about Gandalf coming. It was incredible, fun but unfortunately that excitement was short lived when Gandalf canceled at the last minute so Joey took charge and the three decided to go out, to party. Things were far better between Joey and Chandler, Joey had completely forgiven Chandler which thrilled him. The three boys decided to go out all night, they knew how to have fun, at least they thought they did. Chandler especially, he had loved going out all night, loved getting into those clubs, drinking until he couldn't see straight and going home and crashing. But he hadn't taken any pills in ten months and he had known hangovers without taking pills to help and he hated those hangovers and after going to four different clubs, he was surprisingly exhausted and it seemed so were Joey and Ross as they ended up collapsed on the couch in Central Perk.

"We can check out the boats," Joey moaned, sounding very unenthusiastic. Chandler and Ross just let out moans.

"What the hell happened to me?" Chandler asked.

"You turned twenty eight," Ross joked.

"So did you," Chandler said.

"I know, that's why I want a nap," Ross said. "Although, I am shocked...you used to be the one begging me to drive somewhere else."

"I'm very disappointed in myself right now as well, Ross," Chandler said. "That last club had foam. My mother used to have foam parties. Those were fun. I liked to run through all the bubbles, now I was like...that just seems unsanitary. My parents were hard core partiers even now and they're like in their fifties. I guess it's not genetic."

"Sorry, man," Ross said, patting Chandler on the chest.

"Although, Ross...now that we're old, can you finally admit to me that the reason you were my designated driver all those times was so that you could drive Sally?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"No, it was because I cared about you and your well-being," Ross argued.

"Ross," Chandler said.

"Yeah, that car was awesome," Ross grinned.

"My first girlfriend," Chandler said.

"I wish I had seen her...before you drove her into a house," Joey said.

"It was Ross' fault," Chandler said.

"Was not...wait, a seal woke me up on that boat?" Ross asked.

"Delayed reaction, much? It was a seal man, you passed out and...that was a fun night though," Chandler said.

"It was..but you know...Gandalf wasn't really my friend. I hung out with him 'cause of You, Chandler, you were the king of drunken antics," Ross said.

"Thank you, sir," Chandler said, "what about you Joe? Any crazy drunk stories? You never went to college."

"No, but one time when I was living in the apartment with the Swedish flight attendants and a bunch of buddies of mine, I had an audition the next day for this show about twenty somethings...so this one friend of mine suggested we go out and get drunk 'cause I'd be getting into character. I get wasted and then face plant into the sidewalk and show up at the audition with a giant scab on my face," Joey said.

"Those were good times," Chandler said as the three remained sitting there, drinking coffee and staring off into space when Phoebe soon joined them. Chandler smiled when he saw her, the memory of their time as being each others partner in crime entering his mind. He grabbed Phoebe's hand and pulled her towards him.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"I have horrible news," Chandler said.

"What?" Phoebe asked, looking concerned.

"I don't think I'm a clubber anymore. I'm tired and it's only ten thirty," Chandler said.

"Awww, I'm sorry," Phoebe grinned, hugging him.

"Oh, yeah...I remember when Pheebs first moved in, you two went everywhere," Ross said.

"Yep...and then we'd watch the sunrise on the roof," Phoebe said.

"That was fun," Chandler said.

"It really was...but this better I think. We can just hang out," Phoebe said.

"Yes, yes we can," Chandler said.

It did make him sad though to know that at twenty eight, his clubbing days were behind him. That used to be such a big part of him, a huge part of his identity and now his identity would have to be about other things, about Kathy perhaps. He liked her, really liked her. He liked how much they had in common, how they could argue and banter. He just loved her.

"_The Gold Rush_. _City Lights._ _The Kid_...how can you argue? Charlie Chaplin over Buster Keaton," Chandler said over a dinner with Kathy a few weeks later. It was December now and he was enjoying being one half of a relationship, enjoying Kathy.

"Chaplin too cutesy at times. Keaton's got this underlying sadness to him...so much deeper."

"Chaplin's amazing with his emotion and acting and-"

"Keaton was unbelievable with those stunts."

"Alright, alright...let's move on...worst of the _Back to the Future_ movies?" Chandler asked.

"Back to the Future 3. No contest," Kathy said.

"Now we can date," Chandler said.

"You know your friend Monica looks like the girl who played Alex's girlfriend on _Family Ties_," Kathy said.

"I agree."

"And my last boyfriend liked _Back to the Future 3_. He thought it was amazing," Kathy said.

"Your last boyfriend was Joey," Chandler said.

"Yeah...you gotta have a talk with that roommate of yours," Kathy said.

"I might just have too. I taught him better than that," Chandler grinned, making a mental note to talk to Joey. This girl was perfect for him. She watched the movies he did, she got his humor. She seemed to simply get him.

He was beyond happy and could not stop talking about her. It was noticeable how pleased he was. When he took Rachel to a hockey game a few nights later after failing to set her up with a suitable guy or after setting her up but then screwing it up by telling the guy she wanted a serious relationship, Kathy was at the forefront of his mind...well, except during the game as Rachel learned that the hard way. Chandler did not speak during the game, which Rachel found annoying. After the game, they headed out for dinner, sitting across from each other.

"Why did you ignore me the entire game?" Rachel asked.

"I should have warned you...I don't speak during the hockey games...I need to concentrate."

"You aren't playing, though."

"It doesn't matter," Chandler said.

"Alright...so how's Kathy?"

"I like her...I like her so much, Rachel."

"More than Monica?"

"Well...I think Monica doesn't want to date me."

"She does."

"I don't think so. Look, I do love Mon...but she'll date anyone before she'll date me."

"Maybe she's scared?" Rachel asked.

"I like Kathy...can I like Kathy?"

"You can like Kathy. I love that you're healthy. It's been ten months."

"Yep. This scares me though."

"What?"

"Well...all five of you have forgiven me and stuff...I have a girlfriend...I'm clean-"

"Are you kidding me, Bing?"

"It's going too well, Rach."

"I think I want you to run off a cliff. Hell, I'll push you. Can you actually enjoy life? I mean, even tonight watching a hockey game...granted, I was bored...but my G-d, you were like staring like if you looked away, bad things would happen."

"Oh, hockey games are stressful...really stressful."

"You're not playing. How is it stressful?" Rachel asked.

"I feel their pain. Hey, by the way, I'm sorry about the guy again."

"That's alright."

"Maybe you and Ross will get back together?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know."

"You know in college...G-d, he loved you. I tried so hard to convince him you were the devil-"

"Of course you did and whenever I would see Ross when he'd come home from college, I'd ask how his loser roommate was doing," Rachel said.

"Wow...we were lovely to each other, weren't we?" Chandler asked.

"We were...so wait, I know Ross has loved me since forever...but he talked about me a lot in college?"

"All the time."

"Wow...See, .I don't know if it will ever work with Ross and I but I do hope it works for you and Kathy," Rachel said, looking a little sad. It seemed she had no desire to discuss Ross.

He agreed. He wanted so badly for it to work. He thought Kathy was perfect for him...but he was nervous. even deciding to go to Monica and Rachel for help on how to have sex with Kathy. He had had sex before. There had been Lizzie and Janice and one or two other women, but he wanted sex with Kathy to be earth shattering, wall shaking. He wanted people to wonder what the hell was going on his room, if he was actually killing Kathy. Most of all, he wanted to be better than Joey. He had spent so long sharing a wall with Joey, he knew unfortunately that Joey did not lack skills in that department and he wanted to be better so he did enlist Monica and Rachel's help. Monica drew a chart and there were few awkward moments but he was bound and determined to make the most of that chart. He would kill Kathy...not literally, of course, but making her feel metaphorically like she was in some other world.

It was now early in 1998 and Kathy was sleeping over. They had gone out to dinner to celebrate a belated New Years together and now she would be spending the night. He was studying the chart in his room when Kathy had walked in, dressed in an oversized flannel shirt when she walked over to him and plopped down next to him, grabbing the paper out of his hand before he had a chance to get it back.

"What's this?" Kathy asked.

"It's nothing," Chandler said.

"Chandler? Is that a naked lady?" Kathy asked. "What are the numbers?"

"Erogenous zones...that you have."

"What's going on?"

"Okay, you remember how I said I was insecure?"

"Yes."

"Monica made me a naked lady sex chart...so I can...do you good," Chandler said.

Kathy let that sink in. She studied the chart as Chandler bit his lip, praying she didn't get freaked out and leave.

"Huh...so, let's try it," Kathy said.

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah...I kinda wanna try number seven," Kathy said.

"I've heard that's a big one," Chandler said, grinning as he leaned into kiss Kathy who slowly let the chart drop to the floor, it didn't matter. Chandler had memorized the chart, he knew what to do and he did it, touched every zone, making her scream, moan. He kept kissing her, kept connecting with her and in the corner of his mind, he hoped Joey was in his room, listening. If so, Chandler telepathically sent a message to him, "payback". All those years of listening to women in Joey's room scream and moan through the wall and now it was his turn. After, they lay side by side, unable to sleep, both so deliriously happy.

"Wow," Chandler said. "G-d, bless you, Monica."

"I'll be right back..."

"Where are you going?" Chandler asked.

"I have to thank Monica," Kathy said, sounding like she was in a daze.

Chandler let out a giggle as Kathy grabbed her nightgown, pulled it on and ran out of the apartment. As soon as the front door shut, Joey appeared in Chandler's doorway. He had been home which made Chandler even happier.

"Having a good time, Chan Chan man?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, baby," Chandler grinned.

"Goodnight, asshole," Joey said, giving him a smile.

"Oh, yes it is...yes it is," Chandler said, noticing the time on his alarm clock. It was after midnight on January 9th. "Oh and hey, Joe."

"What?" Joey asked, turning around.

"Happy thirtieth...dude, you're old," Chandler teased.

"I hate you," Joey shot back as Chandler laughed. He had had amazing sex and his best friend was turning thirty. Things were definitely looking up. Soon, Joey walked out if the doorway of Chandler's room, shaking his head as he retreated back to his room. Kathy soon returned, climbing into Chandler's bed as he held her. He was falling. Definitely, falling.

1998 was definitely going to be his year. Big changes, big things were happening and not just with him but with the rest of the group too. The night of January 9th, they celebrated Joey's thirtieth in which he could not stop crying about how old he was but in addition, they also celebrated something else...Phoebe had decided that she would be a surrogate for her step brother, Frank and his wife, Alice and on top of all of that, a few weeks later, Joey and Chandler won Monica and Rachel's apartment in a game. They now got the big, amazing apartment while the girls got their old apartment. Joey and Chandler initiated the apartment by having a _Baywatch_ marathon, in their chairs.

"This is the best twenty ninth birthday ever," Joey said.

"You're thirty," Chandler.

"Stop it," Joey said, sounding like he was getting all choked up again.

"You're not twenty nine...you're old," Chandler said.

"You're an idiot."

"An idiot who in three months, will only be twenty nine," Chandler teased.

Joey shook his head, "you may only be twenty nine, but I'm the one that'll get laid more."

"I have a girlfriend."

"Hey, how is it going with Kathy?" Joey asked.

"Good...you alright with me telling you?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, I'm over her. I'm twenty nine...I'm maturing."

"Thirty."

"Fuck you," Joey shot back which made Chandler laugh. "Seriously though...you and Kathy are doing well?"

"I like her. I do...she's...yeah, I like her."

"Good. Glad to hear it. I want you happy, man. That's my wish for my twenty ninth birthday."

"Thanks...and you're thirty," Chandler said.

"Don't make me kick you," Joey said.

Chandler laughed as he and Joey continued watching _Baywatch_. Things were definitely changing and he was also amazed by Phoebe, amazed that she was doing what she was doing. Everything was just going so well and of course in Chandler's world, nothing could go that well for that long without everything falling apart and it had begun with Kathy in a play. It was the end of January now and he had gone to see her in a play where she played a prostitute. They had gotten into a fight, a stupid fight. He had gotten jealous, accused her of cheating and immediately felt horrible so he headed to her apartment the next day to make up with her.

"Remember I told you I was insecure?" Chandler asked as he stood in her apartment.

"I-I know," Kathy said. Chandler felt guilty until he noticed the pants, the pants that belonged to her male costar in the play.

"Are these Nick's pants?" Chandler asked.

"Chandler...I..."

"You slept with Nick?" Chandler asked, his heart sinking.

"I'm sorry...I thought...Chandler..."

"I have to go," Chandler said.

"Can we talk?"

"No. I-I...you cheated on me?"

"I didn't...it...I love you, it's just-" Kathy tried.

"I have to go," Chandler said, walking out of her apartment. He didn't bother to listen, didn't wanna hear the words she might have to say. Sure, he could hear Monica's voice in his head, mocking him for once again walking away instead of confronting but he didn't really care. He wanted to leave. He walked out and walked towards Pub 2, not wanting to go home yet. He walked in, Lizzie was still working there. It was early enough that the bar was almost empty. He sat as Lizzie got him a beer and gave it to him.

"She cheated on me. She actually...Janice also cheated on me," Chandler moaned as he drank his beer.

"I'm sorry, Chandler. What did she say?"

"Nothing...I left before the fight began."

"Of course you did," Lizzie said. "You know my dream for you...that you find a girl that you won't walk away when it gets tough because she's worth fighting for you."

"Hmmm...fat chance. Hey, you also cheated on me."

"Ouch."

"You did...every girl cheats on me," Chandler said, "I suck."

"You don't and I'm sorry I cheated on you. Our relationship was not healthy and you know it. Although, if it makes you feel any better, when I cheated on you, karma stepped in."

"How so?"

"How do you think I got my daughter," Lizzie smiled. "Soon into that relationship, I got pregnant. I tried to call him but he never called me back. He hasn't a clue."

"Wow. Can I see a picture of her?" Chandler asked.

"Sure," Lizzie said, reaching into her apron pocket and pulling out a photo. She handed it to Chandler. He smiled at the photo of the little girl with long black hair and crystal blue eyes. She looked a lot like Lizzie.

"She's cute."

"Thanks, her name is Lauren...we're probably gonna go back to Oklahoma in the next year or so. That's where I'm from."

"Why?"

"Well, the whole reason I wanted to be in New York was to be an actress...I don't think it's meant to be and I need to provide a better life for Lauren."

Chandler nodded. His happiness had evaporated completely. It was all sadness now, sadness he knew well. What had started out as a year of such promise just seemed to be falling apart or at least turning out the way he expected or maybe it was how he expected.

When he got home that night, he walked towards what was now his old apartment. The five were there and he told them. He and Kathy had broken up. They comforted him as he sat, head in his hands.

"I'm gonna go to my room," Chandler moaned.

"We can watch a movie instead?" Monica said.

"_Hot Dog_ movie," Phoebe said..

"_Spaceballs_," Rachel said.

"_When Harry Met Sally_," Monica said.

"_Die Hard,_" both Joey and Ross said together. Chandler nodded.

"All of it," Chandler said.

"Let's set up the movies," Monica said as they all walked over to the couch in what was now Monica and Rachel's apartment. The girls sat around him as they began to watch movie after movie. This one stung him though, breaking up with Kathy hurt more than breaking up with Janice. Sure, it hurt with Janice but he was on drugs then. He had something to numb the pain he was feeling. With Kathy, he had nothing. He had to deal with it on his own and he hated that. He wanted to disappear, wanted to stay in his room and that's what he did. When everyone had fallen asleep watching the movies, he walked across the hall to the apartment that was now his. The chick and the duck that he and Joey had gotten so long ago were waiting for him. He walked into his room and the birds followed, Chandler picked them up and put them on his bed. He fell onto his bed, curled up as the birds sat near him.

Monica soon filled his doorway and walked in. She walked towards the bed and sat, gently rubbing his leg.

"I'm not on anything," Chandler said.

"I know," Monica said as Chandler sat up to look at her.

"She cheated. Janice cheated. Lizzie cheated...you think I'll ever get it right?"

"I do."

"It won't be you right," Chandler said, Monica let out a snort and shook her head.

"I knew it wasn't gonna work with Kathy."

"How did you know?"

"It started with drama and...no, you need someone better."

"I want someone. I wanna feel that connection with someone...I never thought I'd want that but...I want that," Chandler said.

"You'll get it."

"When?"

"I don't know."

Chandler felt like crying as Monica hugged him. He wanted so badly to find love, to find someone who could be his better half. He had thought it was Lizzie or Janice or Kathy..but those relationships had crashed and burned. He was going to be twenty nine soon and he felt like he was back as square one, searching for that one wherever she might be.


	38. Chapter 38

**February 1998**

Getting over Kathy was tough, horribly tough. He spent a week or so in his sweats, the birds followed him everywhere and he felt sad. He was proud of himself though for not falling off the wagon although he was a little surprised when his one year anniversary of being clean came and went and no one said a word, but he never brought it up, still sad over Kathy. It always ached when someone left, someone he thought he could love. People leaving without saying goodbye...letting him down in such dramatic ways. It broke him. His friends tried everything, the girls took him to a strip club which Chandler just found all kinds of weird. Phoebe was pregnant now which made it odder. He did have to give them credit for trying though. He felt lonely, feeling he would once again die alone. He hated this feeling and did contemplate taking something for the pain, but didn't. Instead, he slowly powered through it and soon felt better enough to join Rachel at the nail salon.

"What do you think of these pants?" Rachel asked, showing Chandler a magazine and pointing to the picture. They were sitting side by side, waiting for their individual manicurists. Chandler looked over at the magazine.

"Hmmm, nice bush." Chandler said. Rachel looked at him in disgust.

"Who are you? Joey?" Rachel asked.

"Look at the pattern on those pants...look at what they have printed on the crotch."

Rachel looked and was immediately taken aback. Right on the crotch of the pants, there was a rose bush. "Nice bush."

"Exactly."

"Why would you put that there?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know."

Rachel shook her head as she placed the magazine down. Two woman approached Chandler and Rachel and began working on their nails.

"What color are you gonna get?" Chandler asked.

"I'm thinking red...what about you? Pink."

"No...although, I can't believe you made me come here."

"Coming here doesn't make you any less manly...there are are tons of other things you do that accomplish that."

"Thanks," Chandler said.

"So let me ask you...Emily. Do we like her or hate her?" Rachel asked. A few weeks earlier, Ross had begun dating a girl from England named, Emily. Chandler found her to be a bit pretentious and stuffy, but Ross seemed to be falling hard for her.

"Hate her."

"Me too...she is so...British. Oh, maybe we can put peanut butter on her car?"

"I don't think she brought a car here," Chandler mused.

"We could put bugs in her scones," Rachel said. Chandler was taken a bit aback by that. He shook his head, a little sad he hadn't thought of that.

"Wow...we really should've been better friends at camp."

"That's what I'm saying. Now, where are we on bug scones?" Rachel asked.

"Well, there's a problem...Ross. I don't care if he eats a bug scone but...it's getting it to her that might be the problem...and the fact that neither one of us can cook and the only one of the six of us who can make a scone, probably won't do that," Chandler said.

"Dammit, Monica...how about..."

"We can...hmmmm, let me think, we'll do something. I do like the bug scones though but it's a lot of work," Chandler said.

"Gunther. He would totally do it."

"I like how you're thinking...wait a minute, maybe you can just bake something for her. English like...you can make your own scones."

"I have no idea how to do that," Rachel said.

"Exactly. Just throw in whatever crappy ingredients come to mind...you can use Joey and I's kitchen, just make it look like a scone. I'll help."

"I can do that. This could work. I hate that Emily."

"Well, 'cause you like Ross."

"Oh, no...no...she's just stupid," Rachel said. Chandler laughed. He was starting to feel better, a little bit. He liked gossiping with Rachel, it made him feel whole again. A relationship that had really begun with a foundation of mutual hatred had grown into a friendship filled with gossip and nail salons.

The day would have been perfect had he not run into one person in particular. Rachel and Chandler had been sitting there, gossiping about a celebrity who was getting a divorce when they heard her laugh, her voice and turned to see, Janice. Janice was there in all her glory and suddenly decided that she would never let him go again. She was now officially divorced and wanted things back the way they were.

Chandler's feelings for Janice though had changed since the last time they went out, he really had fallen completely out of love with her but it seemed nothing would change Janice's mind which is why he ended up doing something that he never thought he'd do, he went to Yemen.

It was now Phoebe's thirtieth birthday and instead of being there to celebrate with her, Chandler was in an airport in Yemen. He wasn't sure how that had happened. No, he knew how that happened. He had told Janice he was going to Yemen instead of just breaking up with her and the stakes kept getting higher and higher and before he knew it, he was in Yemen. He sat in the airport, shelling out another twenty one hundred bucks to fly back to New York. He kept looking at his cell phone. His friends had called but he could only imagine the charges that he would rack up by calling back.

He was also worried about Phoebe, he knew she would be pissed at him. He had wrecked her birthday a year earlier by being on drugs and he had wrecked yet another birthday by being in Yemen. He also knew Phoebe was feeling especially hormonal seeing as how she was pregnant and had really wanted everyone there to celebrate with her. He had to call. He knew he did...he knew they would be worried. He found a payphone and dialed Monica's number.

"Hello?" Came Monica's voice on the other end.

"Mon, it's me," Chandler said.

"Chandler, where are you?"

"Yemen."

"Oh, wow...Yemen," Monica said. He could hear her as she lowered the phone, he knew he was talking to the others, "he's in Yemen" and soon Monica was speaking directly into the phone again. "What's wrong with you?"

"I...I...I didn't wanna go out with Janice anymore and-"

"I know but-"

"I tried to talk to her but...it got a little out of hand," Chandler said, realizing that was probably the understatement of the year.

"I know...alright."

"Is Phoebe there?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, she's here," Monica said as she lowered the phone. Chandler could still hear the conversation. He heard Monica tell Phoebe that he wanted to talk to her and heard Phoebe's response to to tell him she wasn't there. His heart sank a little. She was pissed. Monica kept trying but when Phoebe shot back telling Monica to tell him to send her a postcard, Monica raised the phone back up to her ear.

"Uh, Chandler...she's a little upset with you right now."

"I know, okay, I'm gonna be home tomorrow...can she pick me up in her cab."

"No, I'm not going to ask her that."

"Please, I will explain everything and-"

"No."

"Mon."

"Fine," Monica said and Chandler could hear Monica ask Phoebe if she could pick him up at the airport in her cab and Phoebe's response felt almost like a stab. He heard her loud and clear through the phone. Phoebe was telling Monica to tell Chandler that he could go to hell. "Did you hear that?" Monica asked, talking into the phone again.

"Yeah. Tell her I'm really sorry and-"

"Yeah, we'll figure it out. Just get home. Call us when you get back to New York," Monica said. Chandler thanked her and then hung up.

He managed to get another flight out, but he'd have to wait awhile. He hated that Phoebe was furious at him and he was furious at himself. How come he could not just break up with Janice? He felt a little guilty for what he had done. Janice really thought he was in Yemen. He contemplated calling Janice but just couldn't do it. He sat there, waiting until his flight was called and soon he was on his way back to New York.

He called Monica when he landed at JFK and soon enough, Monica, Rachel, Ross and Joey showed up to help him. They each had a cab so they could carry some of Chandler's stuff back with them. Phoebe had not come with them because according to them, she was furious with him. They were also not pleased.

"Why wouldn't you just break up with her?" Rachel asked.

"I tried...she said no," Chandler said.

"I can't believe you went to Yemen," Joey said, laughing. "Have I taught you nothing about women?"

"You know as well as I do, she doesn't take rejection easily," Chandler said.

"Still...Yemen."

"Yep, a forty two hundred dollar break up...Joey, get ready to pay rent this month," Chandler remarked.

"Dammit, Chandler," Joey said.

"Is Phoebe really mad?" Chandler asked.

"Well, yeah...she's not pleased," Rachel said.

Monica barely spoke to him as well. Ross and Joey just teased him about what an idiot he was and Rachel talked to him but Chandler kept thinking about Phoebe. He knew he had screwed up with her. He really didn't want Phoebe hating him. That was his partner in crime, his friend, he loved her so much and the fact that she was so angry with him made him sad. As soon as Chandler moved himself back into his room, he took a cab to Phoebe's place. It was after eleven when he got to her door. He knocked, praying she'd answer and when she did, she looked like she wanted kill him.

"Can I come in?" Chandler asked.

"No, my grandmother is sleeping."

"Then come out here and we can talk."

"I don't wanna talk to you."

Chandler let out a sigh. Maybe if she gave him a chance, he could explain it. Maybe he could tell her, it was complicated, "Come on. Give me a chance."

Phoebe let out a snort as she grabbed her key and stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

"How was your flight?" Phoebe asked.

"It was fine. The rest of them told me you were pissed."

"I am. First of all, you left...you broke a promise."

"I did not break the promise," Chandler said, confused. What promise had he made to Phoebe? He didn't remember making any promises to her at all. He was going to ask, but she still seemed ready to fight.

"Just...it's...grow a pair, Chandler. I mean, seriously, grow a pair. Okay? Janice is not worth it. Instead of saying you don't wanna be with her, you fly to Yemen. Which by the way, yeah, I find Janice just as annoying as everyone else but what you did was really mean...that poor woman thinks she sent you off to Yemen. What you did makes you look like an asshole and...okay, you and Monica...get together already."

"She doesn't like me like that. She told me that," Chandler said although, whenever he said that there was small voice in his head that told him that wasn't true.

"She lied."

"How do you know?" Chandler asked.

"I know."

Chandler let out a snort. He was getting upset. It was late and he had spent much of the last forty eight hours on a plane. He knew it was his fault but he really wasn't in the mood, although he had gone to Phoebe's, maybe he should've known.

"Wow...wow, you know...I'm really glad I used my trust on you. Had I known that you think I'm an asshole-"

"I didn't say you're an asshole. I am thirty and pregnant with somebody else's child and everyone else thinks I'm crazy. I wanted all of my friends to be there on my birthday...and not deal with this crap and you know, using the trust fund as leverage, that's a dick move...yeah, screw you. I'm going to bed," Phoebe said as she walked back into the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her.

Chandler stood there, staring at Phoebe's closed door. He let out a sigh, feeling like an ass having used the money in an argument. It was yet another thing he wished he could take back. He slowly backed away from Phoebe's door and left, headed back home.

When he got back to his apartment, he looked back at his old apartment thinking maybe he could talk to Monica or Rachel, but it was late, past midnight now and he was unbelievably tired. He knew Joey had gone out as soon as they had all gotten back from the airport so he was happy to have the place to himself. He'd watch movies and fall asleep. He walked into the apartment and immediately first walked to the bathroom. Peeing before movies, always his motto. As he got nearer to the door, he heard a sound. It was a sound that made a memory click in his mind. The memory of Monica from that Thanksgiving. He opened the bathroom and saw her leaning over the toilet, fingers in her mouth.

"What the hell are you doing?" Chandler asked.

Monica stood up and looked at him, wiping her mouth. She shook her head and looked at him, "nothing, just didn't feel well and...Rachel's asleep. I figured you and Joey went somewhere and..."

"Joey had a date. I went to Phoebe's."

"Oh...how is she?"

"Pissed at me," Chandler said, still staring at her as she could barely look at him.

"Well, yeah," Monica said.

"You're still doing it."

"I'm not, it's fine."

"You wanna talk on the roof?" Chandler asked. Monica smiled and shook her head.

"I'm fine."

Chandler nodded. He gently grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. He was a little surprised Monica didn't stop him. They walked up to the roof. Chandler sat, Monica stood over him and reluctantly plopped down next to him.

"I...I need you to stop that," Chandler said. "See, tonight I said something really stupid to Phoebe. We fought and I used my trust fund as leverage...it was dumb and I need you tell me I'm an idiot. I need you tell me that what I did to Janice was mean. I just need you. You being with me...makes me wanna be better. I need you to be okay...because...I think you're pretty awesome."

"You used your trust fund as leverage in your fight with Phoebe?"

"Yep."

"Well that was stupid."

"Very...we've never fought like that and it was a little scary...I don't wanna lose her as a friend and I don't wanna lose you at all," Chandler said.

"I...I haven't done that in a long time. I just...I was stressed...sad. You shouldn't have done what you did to Janice. That wasn't nice."

"I know. You know, right after Kathy and I broke up, I saw Lizzie at the bar she works at and Lizzie said that her wish for me was that I find a girl that I would want to stick around for when things got tough...that I would find someone worth fighting for. Mon, you're worth fighting for and maybe at the beginning, I was a complete dick to you and...but you're my Sally."

"You're my Harry," Monica smiled. "G-d...Chandler, why are we so messed up?"

"Got me."

Monica gently placed her head on Chandler's shoulder as he lifted her arm and held her close to him, both sitting side by side. Chandler kissed her on the head.

"Have you ever told Rachel?" Chandler asked.

"About what?"

"About the throwing up...Ross knows, I know...do the others know?"

"No."

"I think they should."

"Why?"

"'Cause...then we can look out for you," Chandler said.

"I'm fine. I got you. I know you'll take care of me," Monica said.

"Always," Chandler said as they sat quietly staring out at the city, the sparkling lights of New York. The city was still awake, still bustling, going places... but for the two of them, they were right where they needed to be.


	39. Chapter 39

**March 1998-April 1998**

As February turned to March, Chandler kept quiet about what he had caught Monica doing. It had become an unspoken secret between them. He had also apologized to Phoebe, taking her to breakfast the day after their fight and while the metaphorical ice had cooled between Phoebe and Chandler, a definite change had occurred in their friendship. Phoebe and Joey seemed to grow closer. Chandler had definitely noticed it but did not want to bring it up. Phoebe was pregnant and hormonal and he feared another fight.

Other changes began happening in the group as well, Ross was falling for Emily and that seemed to cause Rachel's behavior to get crazier and crazier. She decided at the last minute to throw an impromptu party for Emily just so that she could invite her newest crush, Joshua. She had truly embarrassed herself, ending the party in her high school cheerleading uniform and a fat lip. She was miserable and Chandler knew exactly what to do to comfort her. When Ross walked back into the apartment yelling about Monica showing Emily some pictures, he took that as a sign. He had been waiting for the perfect moment. The perfect time and when saw Joey engrossed in watching Phoebe finish a steak on the couch because Phoebe's pregnancy was giving her meat cravings and Joey volunteered to give up meat while she was pregnant. He noticed that now Monica, Emily and Ross were looking at pictures and no one was paying attention to him which was perfect. He grabbed a pink box that he had hidden in one of the cabinets away from Joey's reach and walked outside to see Rachel sitting there with a bag of ice on her lip. Ever since they had discussed their prank idea at the nail salon, he had wanted to find away to make their idea a reality.

"Sit loser," Rachel said.

"I'd say something but instead I'll just ask you how tonight's nose dive off that cliff was, Princess Coyote," Chandler grinned as he sat next to her.

"I died," Rachel groaned. "The coyote is dead...and they said it would never happen."

"Melodramatic, aren't we?"

"Screw you and if you're gonna start with me, I swear to G-d, Bing-"

"Hey, now...I just...I have something that might make you feel better," Chandler said, opening up the pink box which was filled with scones. Rachel picked one up and examined it. She cringed a little when she noticed a black thing that looked a little like a raisin and dropped the scone back in the box. She smiled at him.

"Ugh...how did you-"

"Never ask a magician how he performs his tricks," Chandler said.

"You didn't make those in our kitchen?" Rachel asked pointing to apartment 20, "'cause we are getting our apartment back."

"I didn't make these."

"Monica?"

"Nope."

"Phoebe?"

"No."

"Joey?"

"No."

"Chandler."

"I have friends outside the six of us."

"Oh, oh, your friend...Travis?" Rachel asked.

"Tyler and that is correct. His wife cooks and is British. I told her what we needed..." Chandler grinned.

"You're a genius. I want my apartment back and the birds dead but you're still a genius."

"Thank you," Chandler said, closing the box, "we'll give this to Emily as her goodbye present. Show her that us silly Americans know a thing or two about British pastries."

Rachel laughed before wincing slightly, her lip still hurting. She let out a sad sigh.

"What is wrong with me, Chandler?" Rachel asked. "It's like...I-"

"You like Ross."

Rachel looked at him. Chandler shrugged as if it was obvious.

"I'm over him. I like Joshua."

"You're not over him, Rach. Look, you and I have something common...we are both completely crazed when it comes to the Gellars. You with Ross, me with Monica-"

"I got that."

"It doesn't matter how crazy or neurotic or competitive or jealous they get...we're hooked and we've tried to get over it. I've tried, you've tried...but it's not working. Did Monica tell you how I ended up moving across the hall from her?"

"She forced you. She said you tried to cut yourself off from her and Ross right after you graduated college and they had to come and get you. Did you really not RSVP to Ross and Carol's wedding and not really do anything as Ross' Best Man until Monica yelled at you?"

"Yep. I really thought he'd move on."

"Ross and Monica don't move on," Rachel said.

"I know...and see you like Ross. I like Monica. That simple."

"No it's not...he's with Emily and you and Monica have had so many chances to do something-you're both single now...do something."

"I lied. It's not simple, it's very, very complicated," Chandler admitted.

"You know, why don't you and Mon ever give it a shot? You'd be perfect together."

"She doesn't like me like that."

"You know that's not true," Rachel said. "You're both crazy...but I mean, you can calm her down like no one else. She can calm you down. You both have that gift cause the rest of us can't figure the two of you out. You would be so good together."

"I don't know. Truthfully, I don't and I don't know why you and Ross can't make it work."

"I don't know why either...although, wouldn't that be cool. What if Ross and I got married and then you and Monica got married...we'd be family. That would be funny if you and I ended up as family," Rachel said.

"Yeah...although if that happened, we'd gotta figure out who would adopt Phoebe or Joey. I get Joey," Chandler said, raising his hand.

"Fine, I want Phoebe," Rachel smiled. "G-d, do you think this will ever just get easier."

"You're asking me? I've been cheated on three times by the women I've had the most serious relationships with. Lizzie, Janice, Kathy."

"I've been cheated on. Twice. Barry and Ross," Rachel said.

"Still got you beat."

"G-d, we're sad," Rachel said.

Chandler nodded as he put his arm around Rachel. She fell into him as she let out a sigh. He looked over at her in her cheerleading uniform and remembered the last time he saw her in it. Rachel seemed to remember it too because she looked at him.

"Wasn't Tyler the one I punched in the face?" Rachel asked.

"The last time I saw you in that outfit, you punched him in the face, I put peanut butter on your car," Chandler grinned.

"He asked if I had a penis."

"He was just being nice, Rach," Chandler joked.

Rachel let out a snort and shook her head as she placed her head back down on Chandler's shoulder. Soon, Joshua came by and Rachel left to go back into her apartment, leaving Chandler alone in the hall. He shook his head and walked back into his apartment, this time to watch Phoebe devour a prime rib with him and Joey timing her.

A few days later, Monica, Rachel and Chandler were sitting together in Central Perk, chatting when Ross walked in. He had just dropped Emily off and as he walked in, he sat in the big chair and let out a sigh.

"You alright, man?" Chandler asked.

"Just miss Emily. Oh, by the way, Chandler, Emily wanted to say thank you for the scones. I had one. They were awesome."

"No problem. Did Emily have one?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, she really liked it...alright I'm gonna get coffee," Ross said, getting up and walked over to the counter. Chandler looked over at Rachel who had huge grin on her face as she looked at him.

"Scones? You made scones for Emily?" Monica asked, confused.

"My buddy, Tyler...yeah, his wife is British. I was just being nice," Chandler said.

"That is nice," Rachel said, over enunciating her words.

"What did you two do?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Nothing," Rachel said.

"Okay...this scares me," Monica said, looking at the two of them.

"Why?" Chandler asked, still grinning.

"Well...you put peanut butter on her car...and Rach, you threw ice at his head and...in high school, for April Fools Day once you made me cupcakes with chili pepper in them."

"You did?" Chandler asked, looking at Rachel a little stunned.

"Don't give me that look. You aren't the only one who can pull a prank, buddy," Rachel said.

"Dammit, I wish we had been better friends at camp," Chandler said, which made Rachel laugh.

"What did you guys do?" Monica asked.

"Really nothing, Mon. We totally did nothing," Rachel said.

"You know, maybe Tyler's wife will make you a scone," Chandler said.

"I think I'll pass," Monica said, giving them both a look Rachel and Chandler exchanged a look and smiled. They would never tell, but they were both proud of themselves, very proud.

Soon Ross rejoined them and the conversation turned back to Emily which seemed to make Rachel increasingly uncomfortable which was a fact that Ross seemed oblivious too. As the conversations continued, Chandler noticed something else as well, Monica. Monica had always been affectionate towards him, as he was towards her. They had shared many a kiss in their almost ten years being friends, but there was something strangely different this time. She sat closer to him, her shoulder neatly fitting into the groove of his armpit, her hands kept grazing over his thigh and she laughed at all his jokes. Rachel noticed, Ross still rambling about Emily did not. Rachel flashed a smile at Chandler when Monica draped her arm over Chandler's leg as she leaned forward to talk to Ross. Now, of all the adjectives Chandler could use to describe himself, observant was never one of them, but at that moment it seemed that Monica was actually flirting with him. He would have mentioned something but the fear was was that if he mentioned it, it would stop.

How they did it, would be something he would forever try to figure out. It was April and his twenty ninth birthday. He went with Joey to the Knicks game only to come back to find out the girls had switched the apartments back. He knew Rachel and Monica desperately wanted their old place back and Chandler refused to give in. Joey just wanted to see the Knicks, but Chandler was adamant, so much so he even uttered words that were considered sacrilegious to Joey's ears, "Screw the Knicks" which Chandler immediately took back, realizing the horrible error he had made. Insulting the Knicks to Joey was about as bad as...well he wasn't quite sure, but he was pretty sure that saying something like that was probably akin to him kissing Kathy when she was still with Joey. He was able to smooth things over but still, there was a moment where Chandler was convinced that Joey would make him be in a box for awhile...yet again.

They made a bet, won, headed out to the Knicks game and came back to see that the apartments had been switched and Joey didn't want to change back, but once again Chandler stood his ground when Rachel and Monica came back with a counter offer. In exchange for all the switching, the two boys got to watch Monica and Rachel kiss for a minute. If the girls got to keep their apartment, then the girls would kiss-it was an offer neither Joey nor Chandler could refuse and it was truly the best sixty seconds of his life. It was completely worth it as they walked into their apartment and into their rooms, Chandler was feeling quite turned on watching that and without paying any attention jumped into his bed. The heat he was feeling was suddenly extinguished as his bed felt squishy, sticky and wet. He tore off his blankets and noticed a thick yellowy substance covering his bed. His entire body felt sticky as well. A smile appeared on his face.

"Paybacks a bitch, isn't it loser?"

Chandler turned to see Rachel standing in his doorway, holding a large jar of honey and gently stirring it with a spoon. She was grinning. He smiled as well.

"I thought we were a team now?" Chandler asked.

"We are...but still...you put peanut butter on my car, I put honey in your bed. Payback, loser," Rachel said.

"Oh, Rachel, sweetie...you really have to let this go. Come here, let me give you a hug," Chandler said, the grin on his face getting broader as he walked towards her, his arms wide open. Her eyes widened as she backed up, dropping the jar on the ground. Chandler kept moving towards her. She tried to back up but Chandler caught her immediately, embracing her as she let out a loud groan.

"Noooooo," Rachel whined.

"Hey, Joe," Chandler suddenly yelled. "Joey, get out here and help me."

Joey walked out of his room, irritated, "Dude, I am so not going to help you do that. If you don't know how to do it by now...all you do is just wrap your hand around your-"

"Joey, stop talking," Chandler said, still holding Rachel.

"Wow, didn't realize you two were that close," Rachel said, "should've known. I owe Pheebs money. She's still at our place, I'll go now."

Rachel tried to move but Chandler pulled her back. Rachel groaned again.

"She filled my bed with honey and I think we should help Rachel clean it up, don't you think?" Chandler asked. Rachel tried again to escape from Chandler's embrace but to no avail. He kept his arm firmly planted around her as Joey walked over, nodding.

"I agree, that's not nice, Rach," Joey said.

"Let me go," Rachel said.

"Payback, beeyotch," Chandler said as he grabbed one of Rachel's arms and Joey grabbed the other. They lifted her up as she began alternating between squirming and laughing. They both gently tossed her on Chandler's bed and immediately high fived each other. Rachel squirmed as she sat up, honey now completely covering her.

"Fine...you know, Pheebs been craving meat lately. Make she'd like some bird," Rachel muttered as she stood up, walked past the two boys and out into the living room, still sticky but looking for the two birds just as Ross walked in.

"Guys, I have news...Chandler, Rachel...what are...never mind, come on, I wanna tell all of you," Ross said as he ran out of the apartment and into Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and the two boys exchanged looks as they followed him into the apartment to tell the group together that he and Emily were getting married. Chandler noticed Rachel's face fall immediately as he gently placed his arm around her. Her nose crinkled slightly as they both were still covered in honey, but she shook her head and stepped away from Chandler and moved towards Ross.

"Congratulations," Rachel said as she moved towards Ross, smiling. Phoebe, Monica, Joey and Chandler followed Rachel's cue as they all congratulated Ross. It seemed there would be yet another wedding, Ross was getting married yet again.


	40. Chapter 40

**April 1998-May 1998**

It had been about seven years earlier when Ross had asked Chandler to be the Best Man at his first wedding. It was September of 1991, Ross had called Chandler's house, leaving a message, leaving many messages all unreturned by Chandler until both Monica and Ross showed in the theater of the home he grew up in. Chandler had tried to avoid it the first time, so desperately wanting to cut himself off from the Geller's but they wouldn't let him go. He was in a far different place then, Monica had just started dating Kip and he had no job, no life and now there he was with friends, a job...and a life. Ross had asked if he could take Chandler to lunch, wanting to ask him a question. He had an idea what the question was, but he would let Ross ask. They sat across from each other at a pizza place that he, Ross and Joey liked to go to. As they sat, Ross reached into his briefcase and handed Chandler a box.

"What is this?" Chandler asked.

"A belated birthday gift," Ross said.

"I liked the sweater vest one you got me. I don't have a purple one," Chandler said.

"Open it."

Chandler ripped off the paper and looked at it. It was a remote control car, but not just any kind of remote control car but a remote control Corvette. Chandler laughed, looking at the gift.

"Mini Sally," Chandler grinned.

"You can drive that into as many houses as you want," Ross said.

"I love it. G-d, I miss that car."

"That really was an amazing car."

"I'm getting a new one," Chandler said.

"When?"

"Some day. So what's the reason for the gift? You didn't need to get me another birthday gift."

"I want you to be my Best Man again," Ross said.

"Really? 'Cause I did such an amazing job at the first wedding?" Chandler asked, grinning as Ross let out a snort, both knowing that was so far from true. Chandler had been awful. Even after agreeing to be the Best Man, he didn't speak to Ross for seven months after. He didn't RSVP to the wedding, didn't attend any engagement parties and really only showed up at all was because Monica had forced him.

"That was practice," Ross tried.

"Awww, you got married to a lesbian to help me to practice being a Best Man at your future wedding to a British girl?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, 'cause I'm just that good of a friend."

"Thanks. I'll be your Best Man and I'll RSVP to the wedding and I won't vanish. I'll do a good job this time," Chandler said.

"I know you will."

Chandler shook his head. It amazed him. Much like his first meetings with Rachel, he had hated Ross when he first met him but Ross had stuck with him, never left him despite his attempts to and no one would ever argue that he hadn't attempted to drive Ross away.

"I have to say...I'm amazed," Chandler said.

"About what?"

"Well, your first wedding...I didn't talk to you for seven months after I said I would be your Best Man and you still held out hope and...I mean...I don't know...I mean if Monica hadn't come and yelled at me-"

"You still would've shown up."

"How do you know?"

"You're not an asshole, Bing. I mean, you may work really hard to try and convince us you're an asshole...and you try really hard...but you're not an asshole. You would've shown up. Yeah, Monica yelled at you and told you to get it together...but you still did it. You're not a dick."

He wasn't sure if he agreed with Ross. Although, maybe Ross was right. He had always thought the reason he had ultimately followed through with being there for Ross was because of Monica but the thing was, he didn't have to follow Monica's directions. She didn't hand him the phone or dial Ross' number, she just told him what to do. It was ultimately up to him...and he did follow through. Ross really could see right through him.

"And I'm proud of you, Bing. You've come a long way."

"Thanks...so okay...I'll plan something this time."

"Not at the Pizza Hut," Ross added.

"Alright and Kip won't be there...Gandalf?"

"No. No, I had Kip and Gandalf at the first one because they were your friends but you know what, I'm twenty eight, almost twenty nine and I'll admit once again...those guys were assholes."

"Kip was. Gandalf, I liked," Chandler said.

"All throughout college, I had to listen to, 'oh, Ross isn't twenty one, he can't hang out with us and has to sit in the car and wait outside,'" Ross moaned.

"Hey, but remember I said you're the last to turn thirty. You're not even gonna be twenty nine for another five months so now, the tables are turning."

"Yeah...and they're not here to rub it in."

"You can rub it in to me," Chandler said. "So no Gandalf...I don't even know where Kip is now, so don't worry. Joey of course and um...give me a list of people you want."

"Okay...wow...I'm getting married for a second time."

"You think this will stick?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

"What about Rachel?" Chandler asked.

"What about her?"

"So...marrying Emily means you're officially closing the door on that chapter."

"I think I have to. She's not interested. She's dating that Josh guy."

"Joshua," Chandler corrected before shaking his head, "sorry."

"I think...it's best that we're friends."

Chandler nodded, not letting on that he knew Rachel was feeling a little sad about Ross' wedding and was even contemplating not going in the first place. He would be supportive though, it meant so much to him to be Ross' Best Man again. He knew he had done a horrible job the first time and really did not want to let him down.

Over the years, walking into apartment 20 without knocking often came within unexpected surprises. He had once seen Rachel topless, a memory forever engrained in his mind and ranked up there in quite possibly the top five moments of his life. The one he did not expect was to walk in seeing Monica, Rachel and Phoebe all in wedding dresses. They were sitting on the couch when he walked in, they were eating popcorn. Monica and Rachel were each drinking a beer. They all jumped up when he walked. He grinned, staring at them.

"What-what the hell is going on? I feel like I just stumbled into a mail order bride catalog," Chandler said.

"See, it was supposed to be you...not Joshua," Rachel whined.

"W-what?" Chandler asked, confused.

"We were gonna play a trick on you and Rachel...well she opened to the door in her wedding dress because we thought it was you...and...well 'cause none of us are gonna marry you and...well-"

"Let's just say he scares easily," Rachel said, cutting off Monica's rambling.

"Still not clear as to what's happening," Chandler said.

"I was feeling depressed and am now the creepy future sister in law wearing Emily's dress," Monica said.

"I was feeling sad about Joshua...so I put on my wedding dress...Joshua saw me. Now, I'm just depressed again 'cause he's no longer my boyfriend. Know what I just realized? This is the second time I have felt like crap while wearing this dress," Rachel mused.

"Okay...and Pheebs," Chandler said. Phoebe was now three months pregnant and looked like a pregnant bride.

"It just made me feel pretty. I have three babies growing inside me, don't start with me, Bing," Phoebe said, sounding angry.

Chandler grinned as he nodded, slowly getting an idea knowing all three girls were feeling very depressed at the moment. "Hold on. Don't change out of those dresses." Chandler walked back into his apartment and into his room. Joey was sleeping in his room. The two boys had gone to a sleep clinic that day because Joey had started snoring. Joey had been given some mouth device and was now trying it out. Chandler walked into his room, looked around in his closet until he found it. It was seven years old but it still fit...okay the sleeves were smaller now and the pants were very tight and he did look a little ridiculous but he knew he would get the reaction he wanted. He then walked over to his movie stash and grabbed the _Hot Dog Movie_, _Spaceballs _and _When Harry Met Sally_. He walked out of the apartment and back into the girls apartment. They started laughing when they saw him.

"What are you wearing?" Phoebe asked.

"My tux from Ross' first wedding," Chandler said, "Mon, can I wear this again."

Monica walked towards him and hugged him, "you are so sweet...and no."

"Awwww, Pheebs...look at Mondler," Rachel said.

"It's like the top of their wedding cake," Phoebe said as she and Rachel linked arms. Chandler and Monica stopped hugging and glared at them, although neither one were all that upset.

"Will you two stop?" Monica said.

"You'd really like it if we did that, wouldn't you?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, Chandler can't marry me now. He's seen me in a wedding dress," Monica said as she grabbed Chandler's hand and pulled him towards the couch.

"They have other wedding dresses," Rachel offered.

"I really don't wanna talk about this," Monica groaned.

"What movies did you bring?" Phoebe asked.

"_Hot Dog Movie, Spaceballs _and _When Harry Met Sally_," Chandler offered, handing them to Phoebe.

"He brought our movies," Rachel said.

"_Hot Dog Movie_," Phoebe said.

"What no, _Spaceballs_ first" Rachel said. "I got dumped tonight and my ex-boyfriend is getting married."

"I have three babies growing inside me that aren't mine and I rented a wedding dress," Phoebe said.

"Fine, you win," Rachel said walking over to couch as she sat and began pouting slightly. Phoebe set up the movies.

"I'll make some more popcorn," Monica said as she walked back into the kitchen. Chandler followed her as Rachel and Phoebe continued to playfully argue about the movie. As Monica reached for the box of popcorn, Chandler grabbed it for her and handed it to her. She smiled at him.

"Thanks," Monica said.

"You look pretty," Chandler said, whispering a little. Monica let out a snort as she put the bag of popcorn in the microwave. "No seriously, Mon...you're the prettiest bride in this room."

Monica let out a laugh as she turned and looked at him, "you still look ridiculous."

"I know. Who would've thought I would've outgrown a seven year old tux and you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm gonna be a much better Best Man this time. I'm gonna RSVP and I'm not going to disappear. I'll get a tux that fits and...and I'm gonna throw Ross a bachelor party that's not at the Pizza Hut. You wait and see, I'll be much better," Chandler said, grinning, nodding his head almost seeking approval from Monica. She smiled as she touched his arm.

"I know you will and you don't think I'm pathetic right now?" Monica asked. "I'm wearing my future sister in law's wedding dress."

"No, no...I don't. I told you, you're the most beautiful bride in this room and this dress, please...it was clearly made for you, not Emily," Chandler said, gently touching it. He could feel Monica tense up a little as he touched her. He looked at her and it was almost as if everything else suddenly got quiet. Chandler and Monica kept staring at each other, he so badly wanted to kiss her and he could tell by the look in her eye that if he did it, she wouldn't push him away even if Phoebe and Rachel were in the room. Chandler was just about to move in when he was stopped by the beeping of the microwave. That beeping sound brought everything back to reality. Chandler shook his head and turned to see both Phoebe and Rachel now staring at them from the couch. Chandler walked towards them.

"You know what I'm loving about those pants," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked as he sat down. Phoebe was still standing by the VCR, staring at him.

"They're so tight that you can still see that you've clearly gone to your happy place," Phoebe said. Rachel looked over at him.

"Ohhh, ewww, Chandler. Mon, you gave Bing a boner," Rachel said as Chandler's face turned bright red. He quickly grabbed a pillow and placed it on his lap, very embarrassed. He just kept staring at the television. He could see Monica's reflection as she quietly poured popcorn in the bowl. She walked towards them and took a seat on the other side of him. Phoebe pressed play and sat in the big chair.

"I'm sure I...I...popcorn?" Monica said, placing the bowl on the coffee table. Chandler looked over at Monica. He could tell she was blushing as well. As the _Hot Dog Movie_ began, she slowly reached down and grabbed his hand and placed her head on his shoulder. Having her so close to him felt nice, it always felt nice but this time there was a difference, he couldn't quite put his finger on it but it was a good difference.

In the weeks leading up to Ross' wedding, Chandler had worked hard to keep his promise of being an awesome Best Man. There was a moment where he had lost the title to Joey for reasons that still weren't clear to him but soon Ross decided he wanted both Joey and Chandler to share the job which Chandler didn't mind. The wedding was going to be in London and it was going to be him, Joey, Ross and Monica. Phoebe was getting too pregnant to fly and Rachel had decided to not attend the wedding.

Everything was going perfectly towards the London trip and in May, about a week before the wedding, there was another surprise. Chandler and Joey had shared a wall for many years so he was very used to hearing women on the other side of the wall but this particular woman sounded very familiar. It sounded like Phoebe. He had known that Joey and Phoebe had gone out to dinner that night, but had they slept together too? The next morning, he got his answer. He was up at his normal time and went to make himself some cereal and waited when soon Joey's door opened and out walked Phoebe and Joey. He kept smiling.

"You two have a nice night?" Chandler asked, the grin on his face so broad that his jaw was hurting.

"Hey, I was just doing a favor for a friend," Joey said.

"You two slept together," Chandler said, giggling when Phoebe suddenly walked over to him, grabbed the spoon out of his hand and pointed it at him. She glared at him.

"Do not say a word. It was just a friend helping out another friend. I have not had sex in a year and I probably won't for another five months so shut up, jackass," Phoebe said as she dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal, "and by the way, how do you like your name Bing?"

Chandler's eyes widened as he looked at Joey. It had been a prank, an April Fools Prank. Phoebe was told she could name one of the triplets and she decided it should be Joey or Chandler. Chandler wanted it to be his name so he went about planning and pretended like he hated his name. He had meant to just mess with Joey, but Phoebe got caught in the crossfire. He thought it would be funny but he had always had a feeling that if Phoebe found out, she wouldn't find it so amusing.

"You told her?" Chandler asked.

"I thought it was a funny story. Phoebe disagreed," Joey said.

"You lied to me...asshole," Phoebe said.

"I love you, Phoebe," Chandler said.

"Shut up," Phoebe said.

"Phoebe doesn't love me anymore," Chandler said.

"I know, she loves me more," Joey said.

"Is that true?" Chandler asked, giving her a pout although actually feeling very sad about that. Did Phoebe hate him? They had been so close once, he hated thinking that he might have actually pushed her away.

"Right now...earn it back. Have sex with Monica in London," Phoebe said.

"Oh, that's not gonna happen," Chandler said. It seemed like that would be impossible. Both of them would be busy in London, when would they even find alone time together? It seemed impossible.

"Grow a pair and make a move," Phoebe said.

"Nothing is going to happen between me and Monica in London. I will bet you two hundred dollars...if by some miracle something happens between Monica and I in London, I will give you two hundred dollars," Chandler said.

"Wait, I want in on this," Joey said.

"Alright, fine...if Monica and I get together in London, which we won't...I will give you each two hundred bucks. But if I'm right and nothing happens, you both give me two hundred bucks," Chandler said, "now... let's talk about the fact that you two slept together last night."

Phoebe walked towards him and playfully smacked him as he giggled. He wouldn't tell, but that information did make him giddy. They had actually slept together.

Chandler had spent his first day in London being annoyed by Joey who seemed to be very interested in playing tourist and that night, at the rehearsal dinner, he discovered something even more horrifying. He wasn't funny in London. His Best Man speech, so carefully crafted. He wanted laughs, big laughs but instead he had gotten dead silence.

"I laughed," Monica said, trying to comfort him after he had given his failed speech at the rehearsal dinner.

"Out loud?" Chandler asked.

"Well...I didn't wanna seem uncool."

"Oh." Chandler said.

"Well, maybe it's like...you know how sometimes Americans don't get British humor, maybe it's the same that British people don't get American humor," Monica said, grinning. Chandler nodded.

"Not buying it. Nice try though...I am not funny in London."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, sometimes you're not that funny in America either," Monica said, grinning. Chandler let out a snort and gave her a look.

"Wow, you're bad at comforting in London," Chandler teased.

"Sorry," Monica said, laughing as she took a sip a drink.

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

Chandler smiled letting that sink in. He took a deep breath, "so how are you?"

"I'm alright. I just...at least at Ross' last wedding, I had someone. But...I'm twenty eight years old and I'm single and my brother is now on his second marriage. When is it my turn? You know? When do...why doesn't anyone wanna marry me?"

"You're asking me? Monica...who wouldn't marry wanna marry you?"

"Richard, Kip...they didn't."

"Richard would've married you, Mon."

"I want...I want it to be my turn," Monica said as tears filled her eyes.

"It will be."

"You're very sweet," Monica said.

"So are you."

"And...I'm sorry you're not funny in London," Monica smiled.

"Me too," Chandler smiled as Monica took a sip of her drink. He remained with Monica the rest of the evening, staying by her side. She was sad, drinking a lot so Chandler didn't want her to be alone. He really felt for her. It was different this time and he knew it. They were both at different places than they were at Ross' wedding seven years earlier. Seven years earlier, she took care of him and now he wanted to return the favor.

It was midnight when there was a knock at the door, Chandler was laying bed trying to sleep but couldn't. Joey was gone, having hooked up with some bridesmaid. He was in the dark, staring at the ceiling when there was that knock. He got up and walked over to the door, turning on the light. He looked through the peephole and opened the door to see Monica standing there, still in her dress from the rehearsal dinner.

"Where's Joey?" She asked.

"Hooking up with a bridesmaid," Chandler said as Monica walked in. Chandler shut the door behind her.

"Oh...nice pajamas, cowboy," Monica teased. Chandler currently had on a pair of cowboy print pajamas. He liked them.

"I wasn't expecting company...are you still upset about that guy thinking you were Ross' mom?" Chandler asked. A drunken uncle of Emily's had bizarrely thought that Monica was Ross' mom. Something that was just impossible, but it had upset Monica.

"Wouldn't you be?"

"That guy was hammered. He thanked me for my moving performance in Titanic. Come on...don't let...it's not worth it. Mon...you're beautiful. You were the most beautiful person in the room tonight. You're the most beautiful person in most rooms."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"Chandler...kiss me."

"What?" Chandler asked as Monica stood there, staring at him, her eyes pleasing with him to move forward.

"Kiss me, please. Just please kiss me."

Chandler walked over to her and gently cupped her face in his hands as he kissed her. Monica kissed back and soon the kiss was becoming more and more passionate. It soon dawned on him that this was going further than any other kiss they had shared in the past and he immediately backed away.

"What are we doing?" Chandler asked.

"Kissing. We've done that before."

"But this is leading somewhere."

"I know."

"How drunk are you?"

"Drunk enough to know I want this but not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. I want you. It's you. it's always been you. I mean...you're my Harry," Monica said, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks as Chandler moved in and kissed her. The passion and intensity increasing between them as they fiddled with clothes, throwing them off and falling to the bed. Everything felt so perfect, everything clicking together in such perfect harmony. They fell onto Chandler's bed, their bodies intertwined as they continued connecting. Their minds blanking as they fell into a rhythm. He touched her, kissed her body and she kissed his. It felt so natural and when they were done, they lay side by side, him holding her as closely as he could.

"That was amazing. You're good at that," Monica said.

"I had an amazing teacher," Chandler said as he gently stroked her inner thigh, "seven, right?"

"Yeah. Chandler...I'm sorry," Monica said, looking at him.

"For what?" Chandler asked.

"For stringing you along...for being so afraid...for not...giving in earlier."

"No, no...I'm glad you didn't. I would've been too stupid to realize what I had. You're just...you make me...better. Before you, I was self absorbed and stupid and I still am...but you make me less self absorbed and stupid."

"There's no turning back, you know. There's no running."

"I don't wanna turn back," Chandler said as he kissed her again.

"Wait, wait...what are we gonna tell the others?" Monica asked.

"Nothing," Chandler decided after thinking it over.

"Nothing?"

"I wanna enjoy this...with you. Without opinions from the peanut gallery...I wanna just...be with you. I wanna move forward. If that's okay."

"It's okay," Monica said as they kissed again. Chandler gently rolled back on top of her as she wrapped her arms around his waist. They were entering a completely new part of their relationship and both knew there was no turning back...and it seemed neither one was all that interested in going back.


	41. Chapter 41

**May 1998-October 1998**

Chandler had woken up first and immediately looked down, hoping it hadn't all been a dream. There she was though, arm draped over him as she slept. He smiled as he kissed her head. She looked up at him, smiling, her eyes almost twinkling. He knew immediately she had not regretted what had happened. She did not look at this as any sort of drunken mistake. She moved herself up so she was eye level to him and kissed him.

"Hey," Monica said.

"Hey there...so, can I tell you about this really hot chick I scored with last night."

Monica let out a snort as Chandler's grin spread across his face. He was beaming as she squeezed him tighter.

"How come I never noticed just how cute you are?" Monica asked.

"I've been telling you that for years...I am very happy right now."

"Me too. I am sorry I kept saying how I would never date you."

"It's okay, Mon. Hey, I know I don't make it easy."

"No, but it's a hell of a lot more fun," Monica said as they kept looking at each other, stealing kisses and enjoying the quietness of the room. Joey was still out with his bridesmaid and while Chandler knew Joey would be back soon, he wasn't too worried at least that was until he heard a key in the lock and Monica immediately ducked under the covers. The door opened and Ross ran into the room shouting about how he was getting married. It shocked Chandler to see Ross running in, wondering how in the world he had gotten a key to their room but that shock wore off as he kept praying that Ross would leave and not notice the lump next to him. When Ross left, Monica pulled the covers off her and sat up.

"Do you think he noticed I was here?" Monica asked.

"No."

"How did Ross get a key to the room?" Monica asked.

"I don't know."

Monica shook her head as she leaned back against the headboard. Chandler leaned back as well, grabbing her hand and kissing it.

"It's going to be to hard, isn't it? You and me? I mean, to keep this secret...it won't work. We both have roommates and...Phoebe and Ross come over a lot and..."

"So you want this to be a one time thing?" Chandler asked, his heart sinking a little.

"I don't know. If we tell everyone, it'll be a big deal and if it...I don't know. I just...I don't...if we just messed up our friendship then I don't-"

"Hey, Mon...you're never going to lose me as your friend. I can guarantee that. I might act like an ass sometimes, I may walk away instead of confronting things...but I've said it once and I will say it again, you are my favorite person that I've ever met in real life and you will never lose me as your friend."

"Okay...I should go. Thank you though...last night was amazing and it meant a lot to me."

She reached over and grabbed her dress off the floor. She leaned over to kiss him before getting up and walking into the bathroom. After she left, Chandler still could not stop thinking about Monica. It had been so amazing, so wonderfully amazing. He thought over their ten years over friendship together, that first Thanksgiving when she seemed so giggly and sweet. He had found her a little annoying back then, so eager to please. She was only seventeen and he was in college. He let out a snort thinking of his college self, he really had been a douche bag. Monica had really stuck by him. She had stuck by him while he had tried so desperately to run. He began to wonder if she had liked him like that back then. She had given hints over the years, told him things but he wondered...he made a mental note to ask Rachel as soon as they got back figuring if anyone would know how Monica felt about him back then, it would be Rachel. Rachel and Monica were still friends when he had met both of them.

Turned out though, he didn't have to wait that long to ask Rachel or at least think to ask Rachel. Rachel flew to London apparently to tell Ross she still loved him and he, Monica and Joey went into overdrive to prevent that from happening. Rachel must have had a change of heart because she ended up not doing it and the wedding went on as planned until Ross suddenly said Rachel's name instead of Emily's at the altar and all hell broke loose. Chandler and Monica's secret rendezvous was briefly put on hold as they tried to comfort Ross. That one night in London, maybe that's what it was meant to be, one night. It had been special, a wonderful moment between two close friends.

When they finally arrived back in New York, there had been a secret pact. A rule, what happened in London was supposed to stay in London but as they stood facing each other, finally alone, they couldn't leave. Joey and Phoebe had gone back to the guys apartment to check on the birds, Ross and Rachel were still in London and Monica and Chandler were in Monica's kitchen.

"It was a one time thing," Monica said.

"Right."

"I mean, look at Ross and Rachel...all the drama that...if that happened to us-"

"It won't happen to us."

"Right, do you know that?" Monica asked.

"No. But...well, how about this...I'm still on London time and...well, okay that counts, right?" Chandler asked.

"That counts," Monica said as she walked towards him, wrapping her arms around him, kissing him. She grabbed his hand and walked him into her room, shutting the door. He didn't want this to end and neither did she. He wanted to be with her, being with her felt right. It felt so much different then being with Lizzie or Janice or Kathy, it just all clicked. They would keep it secret though, wanting to keep everything between them. It was new and wonderful...glorious.

Of course, keeping it secret was tough. They had been caught several times but played it off and of course, their friends began asking questions. The girls mainly. First there had been Rachel, taking him to lunch at their sushi place. She kept trying.

"Okay, but what about the kissing," Rachel said. Chandler smiled at that. Rachel and Phoebe had caught Monica and Chandler kissing so to play it off, he kissed both of them. It was a good day, indeed.

"I was being friendly and trying to bring culture into group."

"Chandler, you and Joey once videotaped yourselves belching the alphabet."

"And?"

"What's going on with you and Monica?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing. Although...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Chandler cleared his throat, uncomfortable but he really wanted to know.

"Back in...1988 when I first met Monica...did she like me? Did she say anything about me when-"

"Why do you wanna know?" Rachel asked, grinning.  
"Just curious."

"She liked you...she thought you were cute. She thought it was insulting that you liked her more when she was thinner, but she thought you were cute."

"I liked her when she was heavier," Chandler said.

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did," Chandler said and then another thought dawned on him, Monica's weight loss. That drastic, quick weight loss. He wondered how much he could push, how much information would Rachel give him. "Hey...do you...Monica lost a lot weight in a year, didn't she?"

"She did," Rachel said, but something suddenly changed in her demeanor. He raised an eyebrow and wondered what she knew.

"Impressive."

"I guess."

"You know, don't you," Chandler said.

"Know what?" Rachel asked.

"Know how she lost two hundred and forty pounds in a year."

"I-I-well-tell me what's going on between you and Monica?"

"No...nothing...not-"

"Fine. Then I won't tell you what I know...just...don't hurt her and take care of her. She's not as strong as she'd like us all to believe," Rachel said.

"I agree...I won't. She's...I like her a lot, Rachel. I mean, when I'm around her...I...I wanna work harder and-and-...I feel different with her than I did with Lizzie or Janice or Kathy. I feel-"

"Home?"

"Yeah...like, it's where I'm supposed to be."

"So are you admitting that something happened in London."

"No."

"You kinda just did."

"No, I didn't...I just...I like her a lot."

Rachel smiled as she patted his hand. He knew he had revealed a little too much but Rachel told him she would never mention anything he said and he trusted her. He was too happy the way things were right now even though they weren't doing a great job at hiding, he knew they weren't. Every night, Monica and Chandler would sneak in and out of each other's rooms. They would hold each other, make love and talk.

"So...okay, Phoebe or Rachel?" Monica asked.

"Whose hotter?"

"Yep."

"Giving it to Rachel because well, Phoebe is pregnant."

"Another question."

"What?"

"Have Phoebe and Joey ever...you know? Done it?" Monica asked.

"No," Chandler said, quickly.

"Chandler."

"Why are you asking?"

"Because Rachel and I think that Joey and Phoebe hooked up before London because Phoebe was getting really horny and stole an Evander Holyfield cutout from a Foot Locker-"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah and...that stopped suddenly and she was saying how amazing of a friend, Joey was."

"I can't...I...he is an amazing friend," Chandler said.

"Chandler...come on."

"No, I can't...I...no, sorry."

"Fine, I still think they did it."

"Let me ask you a question?" Chandler asked.

"What?"

"Phoebe or Rachel?"

"Whose hotter?" Monica asked.

"Yes...'cause you can't pick between Ross and Joey in that game, that's gross and if it's between me and Joey, I would hope there's only one answer," Chandler said.

"Joey?"

"Of course."

"So...do you think the others know?" Monica asked.

"I think they're suspecting something...Ross maybe not. He's still trying to call London."

"Oh, I feel so bad. His second marriage...this is so not going to end well. Can you tell me now what you put in those scones?" Monica asked.

"Bugs."

"Ewww...why?"

"'Cause...Rachel hates Emily and I kinda hate her too and we were talking and we came up with the idea."

"Scary...you two together."

Chandler laughed as he held her closer to him. They continued kissing, enjoying each other. It was a whole new world, the two of them could explore together. They really felt like the only two people in the world.

"Alright, you and Monica...what's going on?" Phoebe asked over lunch at their pizza place a few days later. He hated lying to Phoebe. He knew she was still angry with him about Yemen and about the whole name thing, but he was determined.

"Nothing."

"Chandler...if you're lying to me...I mean, we're still on wafer thin ice."

"Nothing is happening Pheebs. Believe me, I'd still tell you. I know our friendship is going through a rocky patch, I wouldn't do anything to ruin it," Chandler said, although that thought still hurt him. Had they really fallen that far? He knew she was closer to Joey now, but did that mean their friendship was done?

"So then...nothing happened with you and Monica. We made a bet, remember? If nothing happened with you and Monica, I give you two hundred dollars. Should I give you money?"

Chandler let out a sigh, he remembered that bet. He would owe money to Phoebe and Joey. Joey had even asked if he should give Chandler two hundred bucks and he had said no.

"Hold on to it."

"Huh, why?"

"'Cause...well, I'm not gonna take your money."

"Did you take Joey's?"

"No. I'm not taking yours or Joey's."

Chandler kept trying to avoid Phoebe's gaze. He was a good liar, he knew that. He had grown being able to hide the truth well, but he hated lying to Phoebe and started to really regret the idea that he and Monica were hiding things.


	42. Chapter 42

**October 1998**

It was October 8th now, ten days before Ross' twenty ninth birthday and the group had been planning on going to Atlantic City, but were now in a hospital as Phoebe gave birth to triplets. As Phoebe was busy and Ross was helping Joey through his kidney stones, Chandler began hearing whisperings. He heard that Rachel had set herself and Monica up with hot nurse men. This made him upset, very upset.

"You set Monica up?" Chandler asked when he saw Rachel by one of the vending machines getting some coffee. He cornered her as she looked at him.

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"Well, no...it's just-"

"What?" Rachel asked. "Is there a reason I shouldn't set her up?"

"No."

Rachel smiled as she took a sip of her coffee, "I mean...she's single...right? I mean, there's no other guy currently in her life... if there was, Monica would tell me...or maybe the guy would? Don't you think?"

"I'm not-nothing is happening with Monica and I."

"Okay. So it's alright if she goes out on a date?"

"Why wouldn't it be okay?"

"Okay," Rachel said, raising an eyebrow and grinning at him. He took a deep breath and walked off. It was too hard, too difficult. He had upset Monica by saying they were just messing around but the truth was, he didn't want to mess around. He didn't want to have Monica just be some girl he slept with. It was Monica. Monica wasn't a conquest to him. Monica was simply it. He saw her talking to the hot nurse man and waited until the conversation was done. When the nurse man turned and walked off, Monica turned to face him.

"So you're really gonna go out with him?" He asked.

"Well...if we're just messing around...why not mess around with him?" Monica asked.

"Okay...look...um..okay," Chandler said, taking Monica's hand and leading her to one of the beds where they sat, "I don't know if you've looked up messing around in the dictionary but I-I have and the technical definition is two friends who have great sex and...just want to get to know each other better but if you have this dictionary that gets you mad at me...then we need to get you my original dictionary. G-d, I'm so bad at this."

Monica smiled at him, "I think you're better than you think you are."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Mon, I don't want you messing around the hot nurse. I don't want you messing around with anyone else...I wanna...I wanna be with you. I wanna...to be near you and...I just...you're it for me."

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yeah."

"Wow...I don't think I've ever...okay, I'll cancel. I'd rather go out with you anyway," Monica said as the two shared a kiss. Monica jumped off the bed and headed off in search of the hot guy. His heart beat wildly and in the back of his mind, it dawned on him, this was getting serious but unlike any other time when it was getting too serious, this time...it just felt good.

Phoebe gave birth to triplets, a boy and two girls. Baby Girl Chandler was supposed to be a boy but a mistake in the sonogram turned out that the boy would be a girl. When Phoebe's brother came out screaming that Chandler was a girl...his heart sank and it made him feel even worse when Phoebe decided she wouldn't be changing the name.

"Karma's a bitch, isn't it?" Phoebe asked as the group sat in Phoebe's hospital room, comforting her.

"Because I lied and pretended I hated my name, you're gonna keep it?" Chandler asked.

"Yep."

"That's not fair," Chandler said.

"No, it's perfectly fair," Phoebe said, sounding angry. He really did hate this. Sitting there, he felt like he had lost his best friend.

"You know, Chandler is a pretty name for a girl," Rachel mused.

"Yes, yes it is," Phoebe said.

The way Phoebe glared at him, made him sad. He looked at his hands, not wanting to show his emotions. Phoebe must have sensed what he was feeling and reached over to grab his hand.

"I still love you Chandler Bing. Even though you're a liar...although, you aren't lying to me about anything else...are you?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler jerked his head up and suddenly looked at Phoebe and then at Monica. He couldn't say anything and knew he had to leave.

"I-I-I have to go to the bathroom," Chandler said, running out and walking towards the elevator. Monica caught up with him and grabbed his arm.

"Chandler."

"She hates me."

"She doesn't-"

"No...I just lost my best friend. I know it...it's just when Phoebe moved in, I felt like...I don't know."

"Talk to her. Come back tonight when everyone else is gone and talk to her. Phoebe does think the world of you Chandler, she's just...mad. You did go to Yemen on her birthday...come on."

"I know."

Chandler smiled as Monica gave him a kiss. He would make it alright with Phoebe. He wanted to . That night, when he knew everyone else was gone, he returned to the hospital with a video and a bottle of vodka in a water bottle. He knocked on the door and peered in.

"Hey, can I come in?" Chandler asked, sticking his head in.

"Of course, yeah."

Chandler walked in and sat next to Phoebe, "I brought you some stuff," Chandler said.

"A video and a bottle of water?" Phoebe asked.

"That's not water."

Phoebe raised an eyebrow and unscrewed the cap. She took a sip of water and immediately winced. It was vodka, pure vodka.

"Alcohol."

"You said you missed drinking and did you see the movie?"

Phoebe picked it up and stared at it, smiling. "Hot Dog: The Movie. Thanks."

"We can watch it now? I figured you were probably sad...but it's awesome what you did. You gave an amazing gift...and I'm glad that one of the babies shares my name...and I'm really sorry. Phoebe. Something's changed between us...hasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't like that you hate me now," Chandler said.

"I don't. Oh, sweetie...I don't. I don't hate you at all. I love you so much...you're one of my favorite people on this planet. I just want you to be happy. My dream is that you look at me and tell me that everything is finally good enough."

"It's going in the right direction," he answered truthfully.

"Good. You know...I had those babies because of you. You influenced my decision. I mean, you did something so wonderful for me. Your gift completely changed my life...I wanted to pay it forward and I knew it would hurt. Hurt far more than giving up trust fund money, but I'm glad I did it. I wanted to help change Frank and Alice's life the way you helped change mine," Phoebe said.

"Thanks. You wanna watch the movie?" Chandler asked, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah."

Chandler walked towards the television and popped the tape into the VCR. He walked back to the chair, grabbed the remote and pressed play as they watched, he soon pressed pause. Maybe he wouldn't tell Phoebe about him and Monica, but maybe he had to come clean about other things.

"You shouldn't think what I did was that great," Chandler said.

"Why not?"

"Because...when I gave you the money...it was to impress Monica. She had called me self absorbed and...and then I thought if I did that, then she wouldn't think I was self absorbed and you thinking that me doing this was all selfless-"

"You didn't tell Monica. I did."

"I know."

"And...now that I know you, I did have a feeling that maybe there was a self motivated string attached to it...but...I don't care. You still did it and you shouldn't feel guilty."

"You're amazing, Pheebs."

"So are you and look...I really don't care what your motivation was, you still did it and that...I find that incredible," Phoebe said.

Chandler smiled as he pressed play again and they continued to watch the movie, Phoebe drank from her bottle as they kept watching. It felt strange though, him sitting with Phoebe. Something had changed, something different and he wasn't sure it would ever be the same.

He had always known Monica was difficult to live with. He had heard it so many times mainly from Ross and Phoebe although Rachel had sometimes complained about it to him as well. Monica wasn't just neat, she was anally neat. Monica could be obsessive but he thought he could handle it and when they had decided to take a trip together to Atlantic City, he couldn't wait to spend the whole weekend with her. They wouldn't have to hide, they could just be. Things had been going so well. Sure, there was one little argument when Chandler had learned that he was the best sex Monica had ever had and reacted like a kid, way too excited, but that passed and this could be the trip where they could officially be a couple. Of course, the best laid plans don't often work that way as the trip began with a fight. Monica kept wanting them to switch rooms, feeling nothing was good enough. They switched ten times until she was happy.

"Great," Monica said, "this one is good enough."

"Thank G-d," Chandler grumbled.

"Why are you upset?" Monica asked.

"Why wouldn't I be? You made that poor bellhop carry our luggage to ten different rooms. The first one was fine."

"The first one was filthy," Monica said.

"I paid for the room."

"Isn't this supposed to be our weekend, come on...I want this to be perfect."

"We're here...together, it is perfect. Who cares about the room."

"I care. If it's dirty, I'm not going to be able to enjoy myself."

"Okay, let's enjoy ourselves," Chandler said, collapsing onto the bed.

"Aren't you going to unpack?"

"Why would I unpack? We're here for two days."

The tension between them kept rising and fighting increased. He wondered if it was possible that maybe he and Monica wouldn't be right for each other. Maybe they were too different. She was high maintenance, he knew that but maybe it was just too much. They spent much of their weekend away just avoiding each other.

Things were just as bad at home. When they got back from their trip, they weren't on speaking terms and there was also tension going on with Ross and he kept trying and trying to salvage what was left of his marriage. Emily kept asking for all these changes and the one big thing she asked was that Ross never be in the same room with Rachel, that Ross completely cut her out. So while Chandler and Monica were dealing with the fall out from their failed weekend, Rachel was upset about being cut out from the group.

"Yeah, but...Chandler, you told me you flew a toy plane at Kip's head," Rachel said as she, Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler and Monica were sitting in Central Perk, trying to calm Rachel down..

"I'm not going to do that to you. Rachel, it's different now. I swear," Chandler said. "Besides...Joey broke my plane. He flew it into a tree."

"Dude, get over it," Joey argued.

"No," Chandler said, giving Joey a look. Joey had completely flown the plane into that tree on purpose.

"Look, Rach...we're older now. We did handle that all wrong. We were young and...he dumped Monica on New Years Eve and-" Phoebe said.

"Why did Kip get fazed out in the first place? Is was because Monica and Kip broke up, right?" Rachel asked, cutting Phoebe off.

Monica and Phoebe both looked at Chandler. He felt increasingly uncomfortable knowing that they wanted him to tell Rachel what had happened with Kip.

"Tell her," Monica said.

"You can't tell me what to do," Chandler said, angrily, still upset from their failed weekend. How dare she tell him what to do? He really was sick of her bossiness.

"Yes, I can," Monica said.

"What is wrong with you two?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," both said together.

"Wait...tell me what?" Rachel asked.

Chandler sighed, "I told Kip that...that I liked Monica. I'm not fond of her now-"

"Bite me," Monica said.

"Yeah, I would but you'd probably make me do it ten times before I got it right," Chandler said, glaring at her. Monica glared right back. Phoebe and Joey seemed rather confused while Rachel was still worried..

"Guys...what-" Joey said.

"Nothing," the two said again.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"Okay, I told Kip that I liked Monica and then Kip started to date her. I was kinda mad at Kip. He wasn't fazed out just because Monica and Kip broke up."

"Yeah, 'cause G-d knows I wish I had that kind of power...you know, to have all my friends phase out whomever pisses me off," Monica said, glaring at Chandler. Chandler let out a snort. He was get more and more angry. At that moment, he wished Kip was there feeling Kip would be a lot more fun to hang out with at the moment.

"Can we get back to me, please?" Rachel asked.

"Look, okay...Rach, I fazed out Kip because I was never close with him. I was closer with Chandler and Monica so I automatically sided with them. I'm closer to you than Ross. You're not getting fazed out," Phoebe said.

"It's just...ugh, I hate this," Rachel said. "I'm gonna go. I have to...this is awful."

"Rach," Phoebe said.

"No, I have to go shopping," Rachel said, getting up and walking out of Central Perk, leaving Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler alone.

"What is going on with you two?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," both Chandler and Monica said together.

"Poor, Ross though...I couldn't imagine giving up any of you," Phoebe mused.

"I could," Monica said, looking straight at Chandler.

"Great. I'm gonna get coffee," Chandler said, getting up, needing to leave the situation when Joey immediately stopped him.

"Wait, man...it's on me. My treat," Joey said.

"Dude...are you sick?" Chandler asked, very worried.

"No, no...just...I remembered...it's been twenty months, right?" Joey asked.

Chandler was taken aback by that. He was shocked anyone had really remembered. He had been off the pills for twenty months.

"Yeah. Yeah, it has. You remembered?" Chandler said.

"Of course," Joey said, patting Chandler on the back as they walked towards the counter. When he and Joey walked back to the couch, Monica was gone. He began to feel upset again, not paying much attention to Phoebe and Joey's conversation. He kept thinking about Monica.

Monica was sitting at her kitchen table when he walked in. She walked over to him, her eyes filled with worry.

"So this is over?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Monica asked, confused.

"What we had...it's over right?"

"Why?" Monica asked.

"'Cause last weekend and the fight-"

"It's not over...we just had a fight. Okay, look, I know I'm difficult and I'm sorry about making us change rooms but I don't wanna end this," Monica said as she placed her arms on his shoulders and he gently held her.

"Really?"

"Do you?"

"No...I just thought..."

"Chandler, you don't end a relationship because of one fight."

"We're in a relationship?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Good," Chandler said as they shared a kiss.

"And...as your girlfriend...I have to apologize for something else. I forgot. It was twenty months. It's the second time you've been clean for over a year," Monica said.

"It's fine, Mon."

"No, I wanna celebrate that. I wanna celebrate you. I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy...to be with you."

"Thank you...you're amazing, Mon."

"You too," Monica said as they kissed again. It felt so real to him, so permanent. This was so much different than any relationship he had ever been in. It just felt...right.

A few days later, the group minus Rachel were having dinner to celebrate Chandler's sobriety and also to help cheer up Ross. It was a joint party and when Rachel finally arrived after having gone shopping and gone out to dinner with a guy who lived downstairs, she immediately walked into her room, despite the pleas from the others for her to stay.

"Emily would be furious if she knew I was here," Rachel said.

"I'll take the fall for it," Chandler said. "It's partially a dinner for me."

"You?" Rachel asked.

"He's been clean for twenty months, we all forgot," Phoebe said.

"Oh my G-d," Rachel said, covering her mouth. "I forgot too. Chandler, I'm so proud of you. I wish I had bought you something. Do you like capri pants?"

"Shockingly enough... no, seriously, Rachel, I want you here. If Emily finds out then I will explain it to her," Chandler said. He wanted them all there, even Rachel.

Rachel let out a sigh and nodded. She walked towards Chandler and gave him a hug. The good times did not last though as the phone soon rang and it was Emily. They had tried to play it off that Rachel wasn't with them but Ross gave up and told Emily that Rachel was with them. Emily did not sound too pleased.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Chandler asked after Ross had taken Emily off speaker phone to talk to her.

"No, man. I'm not-this isn't your battle. You already fought yours. Twenty months ago. This should be your night and I don't want you taking the fall for this," Ross said as he grabbed the phone and walked out on to the balcony only to come back with the news that his short lived marriage was indeed over.


	43. Chapter 43

**OCTOBER 1998-NOVEMBER 1998**

Joey was the first to discover that Monica and Chandler were a couple. It had happened soon after that failed trip to Atlantic City. Chandler knew the look on Joey's face when things suddenly hit him. He knew that look of shock, his eyes bugging out of his head, his mouth dropping. Chandler knew the signs and when Phoebe had casually mentioned to Monica about seeing Donald Trump in Atlantic City, something Chandler had mentioned to Joey and Monica had asked to borrow Rachel's eyelash curler because she lost hers...Chandler watched that look appear on Joey's face and had to act fast. Chandler and Monica immediately convinced Joey to keep it quiet although as soon as that happened, Chandler knew something else. He owed Joey two hundred bucks.

"Haven't I given you enough money?" Chandler asked, a few days after Joey had found out. Chandler had been sitting in his chair, reading when Joey walked up to him, palm outstretched not saying a word.

"You owe me two hundred bucks."

"Why can't I subtract that from the money you owe me?" Chandler asked.

"I want my money, bitch."

Chandler laughed as he walked over to the counter and opened one of the drawers pulling out his checkbook. Slamming the checkbook down on the counter, he looked at Joey and shook his head.

"You are the most expensive friend I have ever had," Chandler said.

"But...we're not just friends, we're family. You're my brother and the bond between brothers is far stronger, don't you think?" Joey asked, giving him a smile and a sad look. Chandler let out a sharp breath, he hated when Joey played that card. He always fell for it Chandler wrote the check and held it up.

"Here you go, asshole...and you can't say crap like that for another year," Chandler said as he handed the check to Joey.

"Fine," Joey said grinning as he looked at the check. His eyebrows suddenly raised when he noticed the line where Chandler wrote what the check was for. On the line, he had written, '_gay sex-thanks for a great time_'. He looked back at Chandler who was grinning wildly.

"What? Something wrong?"

"No."

"You gonna cash that check?" Chandler asked.

"Maybe later," Joey said.

"I think you should cash it now," Chandler.

"I don't have too."

"I think you should...I mean, we are family and as brothers, it's only fair that if someone gives you a check, you cash it," Chandler said, grinning.

"Alright, fine...I'll cash it. Then I'll buy you a dildo," Joey said, grabbing his jacket and walking out the door, Chandler following closely behind.

"No need...I'll just borrow yours," Chandler said, before stopping, "do you think we're too close."

"Probably just a little," Joey said as they walked out. Joey did end up cash the check and instead of buying sex toys for Chandler, instead they headed to Central Perk for coffee.

"So you and Mon are really gonna keep this secret?" Joey asked.

"Yeah."

"How? 'Cause to be honest, you two suck at keeping it secret."

"I agree but...everyone seems to be buying it. We want it to just...keep it between us. I'm enjoying just getting to know her."

"So how was Atlantic City? Didn't seem like a good time."

"I-I was ready to kill her," Chandler said, "but I like her, Joe. I've always liked her. More than Lizzie or Janice...or even Kathy. Monica is...well, crazy...but she's just...yeah I like her a lot.

"I know."

"Hi," Ross walked into the Central Perk, his "hi" sounding like he was carrying the weight of the world. After trying so desperately to keep his marriage to Emily from failing, it had completely crashed and burned with Emily deciding that she could no longer trust Ross. His life was falling apart. He had sold all of his belongings, he had moved out of his apartment but nothing had worked.

"Wow...that's a loaded hi," Chandler said.

"I'm homeless. Remember how I was living in Emily's cousin's place...he kicked me out. Apparently because we're no longer family," Ross said, collapsing into a chair.

"You should've let me take the fall...I said I would tell Emily-" Chandler said.

"No, no...I'm not...no...and it was ridiculous. Rachel is my best friend," Ross said.  
But...I have no home."

"You can stay with us until you get back on your feet," Joey offered before looking at Chandler. "Is that alright?"

Chandler took a deep breath. Having Ross live with them would be difficult for him and Monica, but he had no choice.

"Sure, yeah...of course," Chandler said. Ross immediately thanked them and headed off to pack his stuff, leaving Chandler and Joey alone.

"Should I have not done that?" Joey asked.

"No, no...he needs a place to stay and...Mon and I will figure something out."

"What do you think Ross will do when he finds out about you banging his sister?"

"Classy and I prefer not to think about that."

"Hey, I realized something...you banged my sister, you're banging Ross' sister-"

"It's not...banging."

"It's still weird."

Chandler shook his head as he began thinking about what to do with Ross. Joey was right, Ross had to stay somewhere and he'd stay with them and when he explained the situation to Monica, she agreed with Joey as well. They would have to be more careful now about sneaking around, they might need to sneak out to hotels to try not to get caught by Ross. Joey did try to help by saying that when they wanted time alone, he'd take Ross out to dinner or something. It would be tricky but Monica and Chandler still weren't ready to tell.

Living with Ross though brought back all sorts of memories, mainly unpleasant. Of course they now lived in an apartment that was bigger than a college dorm but the problem became that it was now three of them instead of two. Chandler and Joey with a few exceptions, had really gotten along well as roommates. They were as anyone who knew them would agree, more than roommates, they were brothers and they also knew how to be roommates. Chandler had spent the last fifteen years with roommates and Joey had always had grown up around large groups of people, whether at home with two parents and seven sisters or when he moved out of his house and lived in lofts and apartments with a large group of friends. Both guys knew how to live with not a lot of space and that could have been one of the reasons they had always managed to get along so well. They knew how to live with others, Ross really never seemed to know how. He had lived with Chandler for four years and Chandler hadn't killed him but Chandler had always attributed that to the fact that he drank a lot in college and therefore was able to tolerate Ross.

But now, Ross' annoyances came back full force. He suggested the foosball table be moved into Joey's room and then there was the constant asking for the two boys to be quiet and of course the humidifier. That G-d awful humidifier...how had that made a reappearance? That sound, that horrible sound of humidifier magic. All the memories of living with Ross came rushing back now that he was living with him and Joey.

"I may have to start drinking excessively again," Chandler said, lying in Monica's bed. It was late at night and he had snuck into Monica's room. The two lay side by side after having had an evening of love making. Monica let out a laugh as she turned to look at him.

"What?"

"I realized that the only reason I got through college living with Ross is by drinking a lot. I think I wanna start doing that again."

"Okay...um, first, love discussing my brother after we've had sex. Nothing turns me on more," Monica said, sarcasm dripping from every word. Chandler reacted by nodding.

"Impressive use of sarcasm," Chandler grinned.

"Thank you...you have taught me well," Monica said. "Second, it's fine...he's going through a rough time."

"He has the humidifier again."

"Yeah, that thing is horrible, isn't it?" Monica asked.

"And the quiet hands-"

"He did that in college?" Monica asked.

"Yes."

"I told him not to do that."

"You did?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...I said if you do that in college, someone will hit you."

"I almost did."

"You really hated my brother when you first met him?"

"Yes. I was far closer to Kip. Ross would complain about me partying a lot and would like not wanna leave the dorm...he was a party killer. There were several times I wanted to kill him."

"Why did you choose to live with him again?" Monica asked.

"'Cause he took care of me...he invited me to Thanksgiving at your house...at the end of the day, he was a pretty damn good friend. He always drove my ass back home. He may not have been happy about it...but he still did it. I liked that I could count on him."

"Return the favor. Chandler, you were not easy to live with in college," Monica said.

"How do you know?"

"Ross and I talked...is it true that you and Lizzie once did it in a parking lot behind a Taco Bell?" Monica asked. Chandler looked at her. It had been a very long time ago, he and Lizzie were freshmen in college and were feeling frisky and ended up having sex in a parking lot but it wasn't a Taco Bell.

"It was a Wendy's," Chandler corrected. "He told you that?"

"Oh yeah and that he drove you home practically every night and had to listen while Kip and Gandalf would make fun of him for being younger than you guys...and also 'cause my brother was a dork. The only reason he hung out with those two was 'cause of you."

"Really?"

"Yeah...I asked him that once after he was complaining about how Kip and Gandalf had made fun of him about something and he said that he thought you were pretty cool. He hated those two...be his friend, Chandler. I know it's difficult, but..."

"Alright...he thought I was cool?"

"Well yeah...and a bit of a douche bag."

"Won't argue with that."

"But you...you got him to loosen up and enjoy college...be nice to him."

"I will," Chandler said as he leaned in to share one last kiss with Monica before sitting up and placing one leg on the ground as he looked over at her, "here's another thing I didn't think of."

"What?"

"Ross is on my couch. It's three am, how the hell am I going to get back into my apartment?"

"Oh...well, I mean, what did you do when you had to share a dorm with him?"

"He often drove me home."

"Always?"

"No...okay, alright...I'll do what I did in college," Chandler said as he swung his other leg off the bed and pulled on his boxers and shirt. He shuffled his way towards Monica's door and slowly opened it. He looked back once more and ran back to kiss her goodnight before walking back to the door. He slowly crept across the apartment, stealing glances at Rachel's door. Although, she seemed to be able to sleep through anything. He had been sneaking out of their apartment late at night for about six months and still had yet to be caught. He wrapped his hand around the knob and slowly opened the door and walked out into the hall. He took a deep breath as he stared at he stared at his apartment. He wrapped his hand around the knob and as slowly as he could, he opened his front door. He slipped into his apartment and slowly shut the door, being quiet. He turned and looked over at Ross who was sound asleep. Then instead of walking towards his room, he inched towards the bathroom. As he made his way towards the bathroom, Ross let out a groan.

"Chandler," Ross moaned.

"Oh, sorry man...did I wake you? I had to use the bathroom," Chandler said.

"Oh," Ross said as he fell back to sleep. Chandler smiled as he walked towards his room. He walked in and noticed a big lump under his bed. He was nervous at first but quickly tore off the covers to find pillows there to look like someone was sleeping there. There was note on one of the pillows. He picked it up and turned on the lamp next to his bed. In Joey's writing was, "you owe me. Next time, don't make it obvious you're not home." He smiled and turned to the wall they shared mouthing, 'thanks'. He fell back onto his bed and soon fell asleep.

Things really needed to change with Ross. Joey and Chandler had gotten so fed up and tried to be sneaky, trying to get Ross to get a horrific apartment but they felt bad so they purposely made sure he didn't get it...or at least Chandler did, but they knew things needed to be changed or else Chandler felt he might end up killing Ross.

"Remember in college when I told you that I would take a bat to the humidifier if you didn't get rid of it?" Chandler asked, sitting in his chair. Joey was plopped in his chair and Ross was sitting on one of the stools. The three were discussing the living arrangements.

"It's a much better humidifier," Ross said.

"I have a much better bat," Chandler grinned.

"You wouldn't-"

Chandler didn't wait for Ross to finish, instead walking into his room and walked out carrying a bat. Ross' eyes widened.

"You really wanna try me?" Chandler asked.

"Alright, you win. I'll turn it off," Ross said, unplugging the humidifier and returning to his stool. Chandler walked back to his chair, still clutching his bat.

"How did you two ever survive college together?" Joey asked.

"I was his designated driver," Ross said.

"You know, I saved your ass many times," Chandler said.

"Hardly enough."

"Hey...I drove you cross country...right?"

"With Kip and Gandalf making fun of me about how I couldn't drink the entire way, right?" Ross asked.

"Oh, wait...Chan, you told me about that? The Disneyland trip," Joey said.

"You told him?" Ross asked, sounding nervous.

"Yes, but-" Chandler tried, noticing Ross' change in demeanor.

"I was working at Disney when you were there. I quit after I had to clean up the shit on Space Mountain," Joey said.

"You told him I did that?" Ross said, his eyes widening. Chandler bit his lip.

"What?" Joey asked.

"No, Ross. I said that Kip had done that," Chandler said, enunciating every word. Ross' face began to turn bright red.

"Oh, gross...that was you?" Joey asked.

"No, no...it wasn't...it-"

"Oh, that's sick. Maybe you should move into that tiny apartment."

"I-I-you were there?" Ross asked.

"I found out when Joey had moved in. Remember how I tried to hook up with Snow White and she ended up walking off with some other guy. Joey was the other guy," Chandler said.

"I was trying my luck in California. But the day I had to clean up your shit, I moved back here to the apartment with Shane and the Swedish Flight Attendants," Joey said.

"I had said Kip had done it because he was going to meet you," Chandler said.

"Thanks...okay, but this...you can't tell the girls," Ross said.

"Only if I can break the humidifier," Joey said. Ross let out a sigh and nodded. Chandler handed Joey his bat. Joey got up and began smashing the humidifier to pieces. It was almost symbolic, the breaking of the humidifier was almost like starting anew...sorta.

It was slowly starting to get easier to live with Ross. Chandler would sneak in and out of the apartment, sometimes with Joey's help. Soon it was Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving seemed to be the time in which secrets were exposed. Rachel had been the one to bring up the idea of discussing horrific Thanksgivings and Chandler kicked it off by sharing the one about his parents telling him about their divorce. That memory still scarred. A close second came that Thanksgiving where he landed in the hospital because Monica had cut off his toe. That had been a horrific night, indeed and he had never known why until it came out that it was because a year earlier he had called Monica fat and Monica had overheard. He was angry. It was that...that had started everything.

"Chandler, please...listen-" Monica cried when Chandler stormed out of the girl's apartment.

"I need...just leave me alone."

"I never meant for you to get hurt...I-"

"I hate this stupid holiday. Everything crappy happens on this day...I just...I wanna be alone," Chandler said walking into his apartment and shutting the door behind him. He fell onto his bed. Everything had gone to hell after that Thanksgiving. He pictured Monica leaning over the toilet. He got hooked on drugs. It was...and then he remembered the Thanksgiving when he was ten and his parents celebrating their divorce and his dad leaving the next day. It really was am awful day.

Soon, he felt someone lay on the bed next to him. He let out a sigh, not really caring who it was.

"Hey," Phoebe said.

"I'm not taking drugs," Chandler said, not sure why he felt the need to say that. He just did.

"I didn't say you were. Monica's really upset. Rachel didn't know that you had turned to drugs after and-and Monica's blaming herself for it."

That always killed him. He knew Lizzie had once said it, that it was Monica's fault that he had turned to drugs or gotten hooked on the pills. He knew Monica had said it was a ridiculous comment but he knew, he knew that Monica blamed herself.

"I've told her she doesn't have to," Chandler said as he rolled over and sat up so he was side by side with Phoebe.

"I know but it's Monica...and you know she cares about you."

"I-just...I don't..they gave me pills for that. I took them and then I took more. I was...Ross and I got into a huge fight because I wasn't doing well. I almost flunked out of school. G-d, I've always been so screwed up."

"You were never given a chance."

"Neither were you. You know, I was given LSD once. By my mom's boyfriend at the time. He said it was like candy. I thought it was cool. I haven't done it since. Oh and one of my mom's boyfriends felt me up," Chandler said, wanting to just talk to someone and it seemed there would be no one better than Phoebe.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, he came into the theater in our house which was my favorite place and then touched me well...there."

"Oh, G-d...Chandler," Phoebe said.

"Yeah...but um...yeah, I don't blame Monica for me developing a drug addiction. I wish I had been strong enough to fight it. I wish I had been strong enough to fight all of it. I wanna be as strong as you Pheebs. How did you get so strong?" Chandler asked, truly wanting to know. Phoebe just seemed to be this pillar of strength. The epitome of what it meant to be strong. He wished some of that would rub off on him.

"You're pretty damn strong too, you just don't think you are and I had a drug addiction. After that movie I saw with you, when I was almost stabbed to death...I got really angry and I gave up. I mean, I was homeless. Who the hell would care if I lived or died? So...I turned to drugs and then was captured by that pimp after I stole his car and crashed it. I escaped and was arrested on my seventeenth birthday and spent the rest of the year locked up."

Chandler didn't know that. It tore him up to hear that. They were connected, the two of them. They had had so much crap and no one really cared to ask if they wanted to deal with such crap.

"Wow...why did people screw us up so badly? What the fuck did we do?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know. But you can't blame Monica...or Rachel. Monica's yelling at her."

"Rachel didn't know and I certainly don't blame Monica."

"I know, you blame you," Phoebe said.

"Well...I mean, I-I should've-"

"What? What should you have done?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know...I would have known not to take LSD...or I would have kicked Rick...the guy who felt me up...I would have kicked his ass-"

"You were a kid," Phoebe said.

"Doesn't matter. But you know...I would have missed you, had that guy actually killed you when you were sixteen. You would always hold a special place in my heart as one of the first girls to ever reject me," Chandler grinned.

"I didn't reject you. You want your other toe cut off?"

Chandler let out a snort as Phoebe playfully smacked him. "You wanna know something? After that Thanksgiving where my parents told me they were divorcing? They had a huge party that night in the club-" Chandler began.

"You had a club and movie theater in your house?"

"And a pool house and a bowling alley."

"Crap. Why did you ask for my number? You should have just taken me home with you," Phoebe said.

"Had I known you were homeless, I would have...but yeah, they had a party and I was there and they were celebrating. I had just puked all of my Thanksgiving dinner and I was really upset. I knew their marriage wasn't perfect...my dad is gay...but still. But they were partying and I remember seeing my father snorting lines of coke with his boyfriend and my mom brought me booze. Jack and coke, I think. I drank a lot. I got wasted. So I stole a bottle of Jack and went into the theater and watched movies until I passed out. The next morning, I was hung over...I walked outside and saw my dad leave. He never said goodbye. He saw me, he turned around and looked at me, got in the car and left. I never forgot that. I wasn't worth saying goodbye too...or staying for."

Phoebe reached for Chandler's hand and squeezed it. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.. He smiled as he looked at her.

"Chandler, listen to me. You are worth it. You're worth staying for and well...I don't ever plan on saying goodbye to you. But I will always be there. I mean, you and I...we're a lot a like."

"You're stronger."

"Yeah but...Joey said to me once that the difference between you and me is that even when I was on the street, I still had friends. I had Marjorie, I had Lowell...I even had Duncan for awhile. I was never completely alone. It sucked and there were nights where I almost lost my life, but I had someone there. Lowell would steal us all food and booze and we found a way to survive together. You really did have to figure out a way to survive...alone."

"Well, I was surrounded by adults all the time and I had my movies but none of the parents wanted their kids playing with me at my house and besides...I mean, by the time I was eleven, I had already gotten wasted, stoned and high...none of my other classmates could say that."

"By the time I was eleven? Well, my father had vanished when I was a baby. My step dad had been arrested for selling drugs to buy gifts for me and Ursula and my mother was depressed a lot."

"Wow...this is quite a game we're playing," Chandler said.

"I know."

Chandler let out a laugh as Rachel appeared in the doorway of Chandler's room. She looked sad.

"Room for one more member in the Children of Divorce club meeting?" Rachel asked.

"Always, come here," Chandler said.

Rachel let out a sigh and walked to the bed where she sat on the other side of Chandler."I'm sorry, Chandler...I didn't know that the toe cutting incident had been the catalyst for all that other stuff. I really thought it would be funny."

"I know," Chandler said.

"And really...it was my idea. I was the one who came up with the idea of getting you naked so Monica could steal your clothes. I didn't tell her to use a knife in the scenario but you also called my best friend fat and I had a rule...I still do...I can treat Monica like crap, no one else is allowed to. So when you called her fat...you had to pay. Not by losing a toe...but you know, general humiliation."

"Well, you succeeded," Chandler said.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said.

"It's okay," Chandler said.

"What were you two talking about?" Rachel asked.

"Comparing notes...of our youth," Phoebe said.

"You two? Well, that just sounds like fun. What next? You two gonna go jump off a bridge to see who could jump higher as you plummet to your deaths into the river?" Rachel asked.

"Next week," Chandler said.

"Ahhhh," Rachel said. "Hey, can I ask you something, Chandler?"

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Well, you know I love you right? But...are you ever gonna be happy?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, that's my dream, Rach. That Chandler one day says everything is finally good enough," Phoebe said.

"I don't think you ever will. I think you like this. I think you're so used to being alone and having everything in chaos that you don't...that being happy just seems so foreign to you. I mean, like I look at Phoebe and she had shit happen to her and...she didn't let the chaos destroy her. You seem so willing to let the chaos destroy you and I don't get that. Look at what you have. You have a job. Sure, you don't like it...but you have one. I'm convinced you have a girlfriend you're not telling us about and I think she's my roommate-"

"Rach-" Chandler began.

"I'm not done...and you have friends and I keep telling you, you got the five of us for life. We're not going anywhere, but I don't know if you believe it and I think part of you wants us to desert you so you can say, 'hey I was right,'" Rachel said.

Phoebe and Chandler both looked at Rachel. Rachel just didn't get it. She couldn't get it. Her life had always been wonderful. Sure, they were now friends and had come a long way since their days of hating each other, but she still didn't get it.

"You don't get it though...you grew up in a perfect little world with just everything perfect," Chandler said.

"Excuse me, my parents divorced and I ran out on a wedding," Rachel said.

"When you were an adult and more apt to handle it," Chandler said.

"Huh," Rachel said as she let out a sigh. She looked over at Phoebe and Chandler and shifted a little uncomfortably. "I had an abortion."

"What?" Phoebe and Chandler both asked together.

"Monica doesn't know about this. Neither does Ross. Hell, my parents don't even know. Only my sister, Amy. She was nineteen at the time and took me to her doctor and gave permission and all that. I was sixteen. Chip and I had sex and...I got pregnant. Chip doesn't even know that this happened. I really never told anyone. I got pregnant and Amy took me. So no, Chandler...I had shit. It was scary and painful and I wanted to tell Monica but I thought she would say something. You two can't say anything. Maybe if I'm pregnant again one day...I'll say something. But that's my secret and we all have crap. So don't think I had it perfect...I just worked really hard to make it look that way because I refuse to let my crap destroy me," Rachel said.

And then suddenly, it all clicked. He looked at Rachel, her face falling. Monica and Ross had said that Rachel had been out of control, over the top emotional about that prank of covering her car with peanut butter. They had said it was a little odd. His heart sank to his stomach when he wondered about the timing of his prank. He remembered Nancy making some comment about Rachel having just had an abortion but he had blown it off thinking it had just been a nasty comment. But...was it true? He felt awful, knowing he'd have to discuss this with Rachel later.

"I'm sorry, Rach," Chandler said.

"Me too," Phoebe said.

"And in response to what you said...I do believe you five are going to stick with me. I do. I don't think you're going to wake up one day and decide to no longer be my friend and I do know I make it hard and I don't know why. There are certain parts of my life I am happy about," Chandler said.

"Like your new girlfriend you're not telling us about?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not...I-" Chandler said.

"Alright, here's my advice then...don't fuck it up. Even though neither one of you are confirming anything and being weird...just don't fuck it because you know you can't do any better and for that matter, neither can she," Rachel said.

"Really? You think so?" Chandler asked, thrilled by that. He knew that he could not do any better than Monica. Could Rachel really believe Monica couldn't do better than him? That was a nice thought.

"Oh, yeah. Monica has seemed a lot calmer and a little more laid back lately...I'd like to think you had something to do with that," Rachel said.

That made him smile as the three sat there, quietly. Chandler liked thinking that he was responsible for calming Monica, at least a little. He began feeling a little better, but one thought kept nagging him. Rachel's story. He wanted to talk to her alone and soon got that chance when Joey came in to tell them he was getting coffee. Phoebe decided to join him, Rachel was going to but Chandler held her back. Rachel smiled at him, simply nodding as if she knew what he wanted to ask. Soon they were alone and Chandler was trying to find a way to ask her...but Rachel seemed to know immediately as if she had read his mind.

"Two weeks," she said plainly.

"Two weeks?"

"I had the abortion, two weeks later I cheered at a game...probably not smart of me, but I did and at that game, I punched a guy in the face after he asked if I had a penis and then I went for dinner and came back to see my covered with peanut butter and the word COYOTE on the windshield. I knew who it was immediately, I did recognize you that day. I just...I wasn't in a good place and I shouldn't have pretended not to know who you were...but yeah, it was two weeks," Rachel said.

"Oh, Rachel...I-I don't-I'm so sorry. If I had known-"

"You didn't...but you did hurt me. Your comments...even at Thanksgiving, hurt me. You said once that looking at me, you could tell I was dead inside. It killed me when you said that...I know you didn't know and your friend Tyler didn't know but...it still hurt."

"I'm so sorry and if Tyler had known...I apologize on his behalf too. I've been friends with the guy for fifteen years. He would not have said that if he had known."

"I know and don't tell him. I know he's your friend but I don't know him very well."

"I won't. G-d, Rach...G-d, I was an asshole back then."

"You're not now."

"Thanks...hey, how did Nancy know?" Chandler asked.

"Nancy didn't know."

"She did...that game, Nancy was being brutal to Monica...and you, actually and she said you had had an abortion...I thought she was just being a bully."

"She probably was," Rachel said, looking at him and soon she began crying as Chandler immediately put his arm around her, comforting her, "But see, there's more to this story...it's my fault. I lied. Maybe I didn't forsee everything that would happen but I wanted revenge on you and I was mad you called Monica fat but I was even more mad about what you did to me so I pushed for her to humiliate you. I didn't want her to maim you and I really didn't think you'd end up with a drug problem...but I felt so responsible. I did and then when she called and left messages and said you got hooked on the pain killers they gave and...I just felt so bad. It was my fault. It's why I ended my friendship with Monica...I'm so sorry."

Rachel was sobbing as Chandler hugged her. Rachel buried her face in his shoulder, shaking. He felt horrible, wishing he could go back and not do that prank.

"Rachel, no...this was my fault."

"Please, please take care of yourself," Rachel said, looking at him, "keep being healthy and...and take care of Monica too. She didn't lose two hundred and forty pounds in a year through diet and exercise. I used to bully her too like Nancy and...I know she didn't and..."

"Rachel?" Monica was standing in the doorway of Chandler's room. Chandler and Rachel looked at her, tears streaming down her face. Rachel immediately got up and walked towards Monica, hugging her. Monica hugged back. Chandler smiled as they soon stopped hugging and Rachel walked out of the room. Monica walked into Chandler's room and lay beside him.

"How much did you hear?" Chandler asked.

"Enough...she knew?

"Well, yeah...I didn't tell her I caught you."

"Thanks. G-d, that night was awful."

"I know. I was a horrible person back then and you know that the drugs and stuff, that's not your fault...I don't ever want you taking blame for that. I love you, Mon."

"What?" Monica asked, a little surprised. Chandler was a little surprised as well. He never threw those three words around. Ever since Lizzie had countered his "I love you" with "oh crap", he never really used those words.

"Um...nothing?"

"You love me?"

"No."

"You do...you love me."

"Maybe."

"You love me?" Monica asked.

"There might be that possibility," Chandler said.

"Good. 'Cause I love you too."

"Good," Chandler said as he leaned in. The two shared yet another deep kiss. Maybe this could rank right up there with one of the better Thanksgivings. It was ending much better than it started.


	44. Chapter 44

**December 1998- February 1999**

Chandler still felt bad about what Rachel had told him during Thanksgiving. That prank had been meant as a joke, he had been upset at the time but little did he know what had been really going on in Rachel's life back then. Little did he know that twelve years after that prank, Rachel would become his best friend. At the time, he has considered her an annoyance but now knowing all he knew, he felt like crap. He wanted so badly to make it up to her so he did some research, asked his old buddy Tyler some questions, borrowed Phoebe's cab and soon they were parked in front of a moderate two story home in Long Island. Rachel in the passenger seat,

"Where are we?" Rachel asked.

"We're at a house," Chandler said.

"Whose house?" Rachel asked.

"Nancy's house," Chandler. "You remember her, don't you?"

"Yeah, why?" Rachel asked.

"I feel bad...really bad. I still feel horrible about what I did to you, Rach with that prank and everything...well, late revenge is better than no revenge at all," Chandler grinned.

"Oh, oh...Chandler, we're too old," Rachel said, shaking her head, getting what Chandler was asking of her.

"You okayed the bug scones?"

"That was different...Emily was a raging bitch."

"And?"

"What if Nancy's changed? I changed...wait, how did you find her house? Did you tell Tyler about..." Rachel said, not really being able to complete the sentence.

"No, no...I didn't."

"I forgive you, Chandler. I mean, how would you have known? I know you meant it to be funny and under different circumstances it would have been. I really do forgive you and I'm so glad we're friends now...and I hope you forgive me too."

"I do. Okay, are you sure...I have a box in back," Chandler said, nodding towards the back seat. Rachel peered in back and saw a cardboard box. She got out of the car and slid in back, looking at the contents. He had packed silly string, balloons filled with what looked like whipped cream and a large jar of peanut butter. Watching her, she looked like she was contemplating something. She opened the plastic partition that separated the front and backseats.

"We're too old for this, right?" Rachel asked.

"Right."

"I mean, you're gonna be thirty next year...and I'm going into the last year of my twenties."

"Uh-huh," Chandler said. Rachel let out a sigh as she looked back at the box.

"Although, we are still technically in our twenties."

"Right," Chandler said, grinning at her "And she was really mean. I mean, she called Monica, Monicow and she was just vicious to her at that game...oh, and the fact that Nancy would tell complete strangers that you were a hermaphrodite who had an abortion. She seemed like a bitch."

"She was mean...but has the time passed?" Rachel asked.

"That's up to you...I mean, if Shane were still alive and I met him, I'd probably wanna do something to him."

"I can't believe Joey was friends with a guy like that," Rachel said.

"I get the feeling Shane was afraid of him."

"Of Joey?"

"Yep."

"Tribbiani?"

"Yep."

"How?"

"I don't know," Chandler said.

Rachel let out a sigh as she picked up a big can of silly string and shook it. Chandler watched as she stepped out of the car and took aim, pressing the button, spraying the car in one long green strand. She reached back in the car and grabbed some balloons, throwing one after the other. Chandler watched her, she seemed rather possessed as tears began streaming down her face. He wondered if he should join in or stop her, but decided not too. Soon, the box was empty except for the jar of peanut butter and the many empty cans of silly string. Rachel got into the front seat, she was breathing heavily as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Now what?" Rachel said, staring straight ahead as Chandler pulled up a couple feet.

"You okay?"

"That was cathartic. She was really mean."

"Why were you her friend?" Chandler asked.

"We were frenemies," Rachel said.

"I still don't understand what that means."

"I was friends with her because you saw only a little bit of what it was like for someone who wasn't her friend," Rachel said, looking at him.

"Oh," Chandler said, getting it, remembering how hurt Monica had looked back then.

"You are such a guy. Look, okay, Phoebe and Monica, I love. They're my best friends, I would do anything for them and they're good people. But sometimes we girls have friends that...well it's not that we like them but that it's just easier to be nice to them. It's like how you were with Kip, Gandalf and Ross. Kip and Gandalf were your frenemies."

"I liked Kip and Gandalf."

"Who did you like the best?"

"Ross. Alright, you made you point."

"Why are we still here?" Rachel said.

"We're waiting."

"For?"

"According to Tyler, I know something else about Nancy. Now, I wanna help Monica get her revenge."

Rachel nodded as they waited and continued to wait until the front door to the house opened. Out walked a tall, older looking gentleman who stepped out and looked at the car. Rachel and Chandler were watching as the man screamed inside the house. Out walked a very heavy set woman who looked bigger than Monica had ever looked. She had platinum blonde curly hair and was wearing giant zebra print coat.

"I think we found the two hundred and forty pounds Monica lost," Rachel muttered. "That's Nancy?"

"Yeah. Hold on, take a picture," Chandler said, handing Rachel a camera. She grinned and shook her head.

"No. Come with me...take the camera and come with me...follow my lead," Rachel said. Chandler looked at her and watched as Rachel got out of the car. Chandler followed suit, getting out of the car and walking towards her. She grabbed Chandler's hand and looked around.

"Honey, don't you think this would be an amazing neighborhood to raise a family," Rachel said, loudly. Chandler looked a little confused at first, wondering what she was doing but soon got it.

"Yeah, I could totally see raising a family here," Chandler said.

Chandler watched in sheer amazement as Rachel kept looking around until her eyes landed right on Nancy. She let out a gasp.

"Oh, oh...I-what a small world, Nancy Branson?" Rachel said. Nancy who was still staring at her car looked over towards Rachel. Chandler actually began to feel scared with how Rachel was acting. It was definitely the old Rachel, back in full force.

"Do I know you?" Nancy asked, looking at them with disgust.

"Uh, it's Rachel...from Lincoln High. Such a small world. We were just looking at neighborhoods. Oh, this is my husband-"

"Joey Tribbiani," Chandler said, immediately. Rachel shot him a look.

"Joey. My husband, Joey," Rachel said, looking around and then noticing Nancy's car, "oh, dear what happened to you car?" She brought her hand to her mouth as if stunned.

"Nothing, just neighborhood kids...nothing," Nancy said.

"Oh...so what have you been up to?" Rachel asked.

"Married. That's my husband, Walter," Nancy said, motioning to the man now in the process of picking the stuff off Nancy's car. He looked about eighty with wrinkled skin and graying hair.

"My, my...he's old."

"Well, he's rich so he'll die soon. Can you say, inheritance."

"Awww, nothing like true love," Chandler said.

"I know, right?" Nancy said, "what have you been doing Rachel? Last I heard, you ran out on your wedding."

"I did."

"His name was, Harry?"

"Barry."

"Oh, yes...and he's now married to your best friend, Mindy. That had to sting," Nancy said.

"Thank goodness I have better friends now...and I met Joey and he's just...amazing. Never been happier."

"Oh...do you still hang out with Monicow?" Nancy asked.

Chandler opened his mouth to say something but as he stepped forward, Rachel immediately grabbed his arm and pulled him back. She shot him a 'do not say a word' look. He bit his lip as Rachel turned back to Nancy.

"Oh, no, no...I haven't talked to her since college. I have no clue where she is. I did hear a rumor that she's lost a bunch a weight and she's dating some guy who's dad is a drag queen," Rachel let out a snort as Chandler turned to look at her.

"Really, you heard that rumor?" Chandler asked.

"What a loser," Nancy said.

"Really...hey, Nancy, sweetie...this is gonna sound so weird, but Joey honey, can you take a picture of Nancy and I? For old times sake."

"Oh. Rach, I don't know," Nancy said.

"You look beautiful," Rachel said.

"I'll take the pictures," Chandler said as Rachel immediately posed with Nancy and Chandler began snapping away. He took picture after picture, even taking pictures of the car and Nancy's husband. When the two finally returned to the car, Rachel had a huge grin on her face as Chandler stared.

"I have never been more terrified of you in my life," Chandler said.

"Thank you. Hey, I may have changed but honestly, the bitch never dies...by the way, Joey Tribbiani?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, please...you heard Monica is dating a guy whose dad is a drag queen?"

"I have heard that rumor. Oh, come on...can you please admit it?"

"No, but I think we should get these pictures developed."

"I agree. I can't wait to show Mon...she's gonna be so happy that Nancy's fat," Rachel said.

"Really?"

"Have Phoebe, Monica and I taught you nothing? It's a girl thing. Trust me, Monica will be ecstatic."

Chandler laughed, deciding not to press further. Instead, he drove off headed to the nearest photo shop to get the pictures developed. It had gone perfectly, according to plan. They had gotten revenge.

When Chandler and Rachel walked back into Central Perk, Monica was sitting on the orange couch, drinking coffee and reading. They exchanged looks and they walked towards her, Chandler pulling the newly developed photos out of his jacket pocket as they walked towards Monica. Chandler dropped the photos on Monica's lap. She looked up as Rachel and Chandler sat on either side of her.

"Where the hell have you two been? I was about to start getting worried," Monica said as she picked up the photos.

"Look at the photos," Rachel said.

Monica did. As she looked through each one, her mouth dropped as she recognized the girl in the photos. She looked back and forth between Chandler and Rachel who were both grinning.

"Nancy's fat?" Monica asked.

"Huge," Rachel said. "She's bigger than you ever were."

"Oh, oh I'm so happy," Monica squealed as she and Rachel hugged. Chandler looked on, a little confused.

"I knew you'd be happy. Chandler doesn't get it," Rachel said.

"I know. He's a boy...wait, wait...her car...what did you two do? How did you even find her house?" Monica asked.

"I know people," Chandler said.

"Wow...scary. You two really are scary," Monica said.

"I keep saying...we should've been better friends at camp," Chandler said.

"You filled her bed with peanut butter," Monica said.

"'Cause Rachel dropped a girl's toothbrush in the toilet." Chandler said.

"What?" Monica asked, looking over at Rachel.

"No, I didn't. I never did that...who said I did that?" Rachel asked.

"Lizzie said you did," Chandler said.

"Oh...ohhh...okay, Chandler...alright, I gotta come clean, I know you liked that girl but she was a bitch," Rachel said.

"She wasn't," Chandler argued. "She was very nice to me."

"'Cause she loved you...I didn't drop a toothbrush in the toilet. Lizzie did and told the girl whose toothbrush it was that I did it...she put all the blame on me and then she told you 'cause she knew you'd do something because she hated me and you liked her," Rachel said.

"You know, I hated her too," Monica said. "First, she let you get away with way too much crap and second...she was the one that made that comment that I got you hooked on drugs."

"She was upset," Chandler said.

"And you told her I was bulimic," Monica said.

"You told her that?" Rachel asked. Chandler began to feel a bit defensive of Lizzie. He opened his mouth and shut it again, not quite sure what to say.

"Wait...I-what-how do you know I told her that?" Chandler asked.

"You just admitted it," Monica grinned, "and...and when we were staying at your house, helping you through your first set of withdrawals, every time I went to the bathroom, she was around and we were talking one night about you and she said you said it...and I didn't wanna believe it."

"I was on drugs," Chandler said.

"I don't care," Monica replied.

"I apologize and...wait, Rach, you really didn't drop someone's toothbrush in the toilet?" Chandler asked.

"No. I never did that. Lizzie hated me."

"You were mean," Chandler said.

"I understand that...but I didn't do anything to anyone's toothbrush," Rachel said.

"You really were an ass when you were younger," Monica said looking at Chandler as she gently patting his leg.

"I know, I know," Chandler said. "But I hope I'm not now."

"No, you're good," Monica said before looking back at the pictures, "I can't believe she's fat."

Rachel laughed as she and Monica continued glancing through them. Chandler smiled as he watched them. He would never get why that made Rachel and Monica happy, but he didn't care. He was glad he was able to help get some sort of revenge on Nancy. Although, his mind kept drifting back to Lizzie. He really had liked her but he did wonder if Monica and Rachel had a point? It didn't really matter too much now though. Chandler liked where he was at that moment and wanted to be no where else.

He never thought he'd see her again. Janice had been a part of his past. Janice also thought he was in Yemen, but it was Ross who briefly brought Janice back into their lives. It was Ross who had spilled the beans and told Janice that Chandler had actually never gone to Yemen. He had contemplated calling her when he found out what had gone on between her and Ross, but he wasn't sure how to start that conversation although he should have known that she'd find a way to track him down. It was the middle of January now and Chandler was hard at work in his office. He had gotten a basketball hoop for the door of his office and he was trying desperately to make a shot using rolled up socks. He was sitting in his chair and tossing the socks into into the hoop. He had almost gotten one in when he was interrupted by the buzzing sound and his assistant telling him that Janice was there to see him. He reluctantly let her in and soon she was sitting across from him, a smirk on her face.

"How was Yemen?" Janice asked.

"How was Ross?" Chandler asked.

"You lied to me, Chandler Bing."

"I didn't lie...I did actually go to Yemen."

"For work."

"Well...no."

"So you went to Yemen to avoid me."

"See, that just sounds mean," Chandler said.

"It was mean."

"I'm sorry."

"I thought you liked me. Didn't you at one point? Or was I wrong about that too?" Janice asked.

"No, no...you weren't wrong. I did like you."

"So then why did you do that?" Janice asked.

"I don't know."

"You look good...and healthy," Janice said.

"Yeah..." Chandler said, wondering if he should tell her but thinking maybe he should, "I-I actually...when we were going out, I was taking pills. A lot of them...not because of you or anything. I just was...and actually I've been clean...it'll be two years next month."

Janice nodded, "I had figured something was wrong. I'm glad you're healthy and I'm sorry I cheated on you...I was going through a lot."

"Me too. Maybe I should have come clean about the pills and I am sorry about Yemen."

"How much did it cost?" Janice asked. "To go to Yemen."

"Twenty one hundred to go, twenty one hundred to come back."

"Was it worth it?" Janice asked.

"No...and what is this about a one night stand with Ross?" Chandler asked.

"He's obnoxious...he complains about everything. It was driving me crazy," Janice said which made Chandler laugh a little, "but okay, Chandler...two out of three. What'll it take to get Joey?"

"A lobotomy."

"Really?" Janice asked.

"Or you could just wrap yourself in sandwiches...wish you wouldn't though," Chandler said.

"I won't. So are you dating anyone new?" Janice asked.

Chandler smiled, thinking of Monica. He could tell Janice. He wanted to tell someone.

"Monica. I'm dating Monica," Chandler said.

"Really? Wow...actually, I can see that."

"Don't tell anyone...we're trying to keep in secret."

"I won't. Look, Chandler...I know you and I have had a weird relationship and I am willing to accept that this is it, but I'd like to be friends if you'd let me?" Janice asked.

"I can handle that. Hey, you know we did have some really good times."

"We did...and I'm not that bad, Chandler."

"I know. I acted like an ass...but I did pay for it, literally."

Janice looked at him and laughed. He had felt bad how things had ended with Janice. He thought of Kathy, Janice and Lizzie. He had done so much wrong in those relationships. Sure, they had all cheated on him but he wasn't so innocent either and he did like all three of those women, loved them even regardless of what his friends thought. They had been so right at the time, but maybe now those girls had prepped him, prepped him enough for the only one he really wanted.

It had to happen sometime. They all had to find out. Rachel and Phoebe had found out it seemed and now they were pressuring Monica and Chandler to giving in and admitting that they were indeed a couple. Chandler kept getting more and more uncomfortable. Phoebe was flirting with him, trying to get him to break and Chandler was trying desperately not to give in. Whenever Phoebe and Rachel raised the stakes, Monica and Chandler raised them even higher and soon they found themselves locked in an awkward embrace with Monica in the bathroom, waiting. This was all just too much. Sure, Monica knew what was happening but he felt like he was cheating on Monica, cheating on her with Phoebe. Phoebe also seemed uncomfortable as well. They used to share kisses and intimate moments all the time when Phoebe first moved in but this was different. Now, he had a girlfriend and Phoebe was very aware of it and he immediately broke, not caring anymore about the game. He loudly declared his love for Monica, declaring it in front of Rachel, Joey and Phoebe. Monica emerged from the bathroom, grinning as she told him that she loved him.

It was thrilling for him, an amazing night indeed although he had some explaining to do to Phoebe. He knew she probably felt he lied to her again and also he owed her money. As soon as he found out that Phoebe knew, he had withdrawn two hundred bucks and when she decided to go home that night, he walked her out and as they stood outside the building, Chandler pulled out his wallet ans handed her the money.

"Thanks," Phoebe said.

"Don't tell Monica please...Joey got his money and you're getting yours," Chandler said.

"You lied to me again. Why did you hide it?"

Chandler knew that was coming. He knew she would be mad and hoped that maybe she wouldn't be too angry.

"Because...because...you saw all the drama that happened when Ross and Rachel got together. I don't want that and neither does she and this is all so new and...nine months. I made it nine months. That's shocking and...and I'm happy."

"So you were dating during Thanksgiving? That's why you were so upset," Phoebe said.

"Well, one of many...I hate that holiday."

"You're happy?" Phoebe asked. Chandler took a moment to think that over. His heart fluttered, his stomach in knots.

"Yeah. Scared. I mean, I so don't want to fuck this up. I got Monica. I finally got her."

"I wanna be angry at you for deceiving me again...but I can't. You won't fuck this up."

"I'm me."

"You made it nine months."

"Don't let me mess this up, Phoebe. Please. I don't wanna mess this up. I don't wanna...I don't wanna end up like Kip," Chandler said as the happiness that was in his eyes turned into a look of terror. He felt Phoebe was the only one he could express this too. She'd understand.

"First...you were able to get through the first nine months on your own. Second...you will never be Kip. When are you going to get this?" Phoebe asked.

"It's a good thing. G-d, I'm scared. I love her. I-I got Monica. I got everything and I'm looking forward to your 'I Told You So' song...I am going to marry her."

"I know. You're not going to screw this up."

Chandler nodded as a cab pulled up to the curb. Chandler open the door for her as she gave him a hug.

"And Pheebs...it was fun playing with you tonight. Even though it was weird. I do miss playing with you."

"I miss playing with you too. Lunch tomorrow? At our place?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then...and then FAO Schwartz? I really need to get a new toy plane or helicopter...to fly at Joey's head. He so flew it into a tree on purpose."

Phoebe laughed at that, "pizza and FAO Schwartz? Oh, Chandler you know the way the way to my heart. I'll see you tomorrow."

Chandler watched as Phoebe's cab drove off. He proceeded to do his happy dance in front of the building. He felt elated, almost refreshed and renewed. Sure, he was short now four hundred bucks but he meant it what he said. He would marry Monica...one day.

Early the next morning, Monica was still asleep in Chandler's arms when he gently woke her up. Without saying much, the two walked out of the apartment and up to the roof where they sat side by side and watched the sunrise together. Monica placed her head on his shoulder as she drifted in and out of sleep. He held her tight.

"I'm lucky," Monica said, her voice hoarse, weighed down by tiredness. "I never thought I'd be so lucky," she looked at him, "I'm in love with my best friend."

"Me too. I'm happy...so happy. It's weird. Really weird...but G-d, I love you."

Monica kissed him as she placed her head her head back down. They continued to watch as New York soon began a new day and it was definitely brand new for them, a new route where there was definitely no turning back.


	45. Chapter 45

**April 8 1999**

They had forgotten. How had that happened? How could they have possibly forgotten his thirtieth birthday? Maybe things had been going too well. That had to it. Everyone knew now about Monica and Chandler. Ross had moved into Ugly Naked Guy's old apartment and had caught them making out. There had been a bit of an argument, but Ross had decided to accept it. The other four had now fully embraced Monica and Chandler as a couple. Sure there had been a tiny freak out when everyone started saying stuff and Chandler randomly proposed but that was all over and now things were just going too well and maybe that's why people forgot. He had been waiting for the turn around. He knew it had to happen someday. Temporary happiness, that's how his life had always been. He had been dumb to think that it would last. Happy moments never last and this was the sign. They actually forgot his birthday.

He listened in amazement as the others planned a party for Rachel. They had decided on a surprise birthday party for her, the surprise being that it would be a month early. Rachel's birthday was almost exactly four weeks after his. How could they have possibly overlooked it? He just kept waiting for them to remember and kept waiting for it to dawn on them that maybe they should throw it for him. The day of his thirtieth, he woke up in Monica's bedroom. She kissed him and told him how excited she was for this party...for Rachel. He just nodded, telling her he would be working late. Monica kept talking about how happy she was, how perfect and amazing it would be. He had wanted to scream that maybe a party for him would be better but he thought that might make it worse. It might make it awkward and things were going too well with Monica. Then when he returned to his apartment and saw Joey eating cereal, he waited. He thought maybe Joey would have made him breakfast or given him a present...something. Anything. There was nothing. They had truly forgotten.

He met up with Tyler and Gandalf for drinks at Pub 2, right by his office after leaving work early that day. It had been a strange friendship that had formed between the three men. Gandalf had moved back to New York after all but Chandler didn't tell Ross. It wasn't on purpose or secret. He now knew Ross never liked Gandalf and now that they were out of college, he didn't really want to put Ross in an uncomfortable position and make him feel like he was forced to hang out with them. So when Gandalf had moved back, instead of asking Ross, he asked Tyler if he wanted to meet up with a buddy of his from college and the three men had formed a friendship and now were celebrating the big 3-0 of Chandler Bing.

"Wait, they forgot?" Gandalf asked as they were sitting at a round table, chugging back beers. Chandler had told them how strange it was. How his other friends had completely forgotten...how his own girlfriend had forgotten.

"Oh, yeah...I gotta go back and celebrate Rachel's birthday...a month early," Chandler said.

"That's really shitty," Tyler said.

"Really, it is and at first, I thought...maybe, just maybe it's a ruse...that maybe they're talking about Rachel's birthday but they're really planning mine. It's Rachel's. Everything points to that. It's my birthday...fuck, how long have you people known me for," Chandler said, getting a little angry.

"After this, we'll get you shit faced," Gandalf said.

"No, I gotta go home and celebrate Rachel," Chandler said. "I need tequila."

Tyler immediately flagged down a waitress and ordered a round of shots. It made him mad, angry how they had forgotten. He had fallen for it, he figured. Fallen hook, line and sinker...they weren't his friends. They were pretending. They had been pretending all long.

"Hang out tonight," Gandalf said.

"Yeah, I'll call my wife and we'll all go out," Tyler said.

"I can't. 'Cause I ruined Phoebe's birthday by going to Yemen...if I stay out all night and get wasted, I'll be accused of ruining Rachel's birthday," Chandler said.

"That's messed up," Gandalf said.

"Definitely," Chandler said.

Chandler really wasn't in the mood to celebrate Rachel. He didn't want to go home, he wanted to stay out and celebrate turning thirty and not celebrate Rachel's birthday which wasn't even for another four weeks.. It was supposed to be about him. It was his day. He remembered his childhood birthdays and how they were never about him. He never got to celebrate with friends because he had none. He had thought he was past that but this was proof. People don't just forget the birthdays of people they've known forever, of people they live with or date, they don't just forget. It had all been a lie. All this, 'we're a group of six' shit. It had all been a giant lie. They did not care at all. He cursed himself for falling for it. They had really put on a good show but forgetting his birthday...he was done. He had seen through the ruse. They did not like him.

He had no clue how he got home or how he got to his apartment. He had no clue how he found himself passed out on the floor of his own bathroom, cold tile pressed up against his cheek. He woke up, his head pounding and noticed he was not alone. Joey was sitting next to him. Chandler let out a loud groan as he sat up.

"What time is it?" Chandler asked. "Where...what..."

"You alright?" Joey asked, sounding a little upset.

"Joey?" Chandler asked."What...huh?"

"Tyler pulled up in front of our building with you passed out. He called me from your phone to help him carry you up here," Joey said.

"Does Mon know?" Chandler asked.

"No. I saved your ass. But we gotta get you cleaned up for Rachel's birthday party. It's in an hour."

"Rachel's birthday...right. Rachel's birthday a month early. Seems like you'd be forgetting something," Chandler groaned.

"Get dressed. I'll help."

Joey had clearly ignored his comment. Chandler just shook his head. This was ridiculous. Why was Joey angry with him. It was his birthday, not Joey's that they forgot.

"I'm fine."

Joey nodded as Chandler pulled himself up, his head still hurting. He felt dehydrated as he turned on the shower. He looked over at Joey who got up and walked out the door slamming it shut behind him. As he let the water rush over his body, he could feel himself starting to tear up. He was unwanted. He had always been unwanted. He wished he could take something. It wouldn't matter now. Maybe he could take something. Those pills had never let him down. Booze had never let him down. People had.

It was Rachel who called it. Rachel when she had walked in, smiled and then pointed out the obvious that it was Chandler's birthday. His face fell as the others looked at him. A look of realization appeared on Joey's face as it finally dawned him why he may have gotten so drunk. They all wished him a happy birthday but it was too late. Monica's face fell as she looked at him, he could barely look at her. Chandler still felt sick and wanted to be left alone, so he did something he had not done in so long. He waited until people had left or people were sufficiently drunk before getting a bottle of Jack and walking up to the roof to drink alone. He wished he were back in his theater at the home he grew up in. He unscrewed the top and downed it, then took the pack of cigarettes in his pocket and pulled it out. He took out one and lit up, sticking the cigarette between his lips and smoking.

"How drunk did you get today?" Monica asked.

Chandler jumped as he noticed her walk out and plop down next to him. He let out a snort and shrugged.

"I came over to ask Joey where you were and he said he didn't know, but I heard throwing up in the bathroom. I didn't say anything, just walked out. I had a feeling it was you and then I saw you tonight and I am so sorry," Monica said.

"It is what it is."

"You haven't said that in awhile. Chandler, I will make this up to you."

"It is what it is."

"Chandler."

"No, it's fine. I mean, come on...if it had been something important or something you guys wanted to remember, you would've."

"That's not true," Monica said, her eyes filling with tears.

"It is-"

"I'm gonna hit you if you say that again. It was stupid and we all got so wrapped up in everything and..."

"It was my thirtieth birthday. I'm gonna look back at my thirtieth birthday and remember how we celebrated someone else...whose birthday isn't for another month," Chandler said, taking a long swig of the booze followed by a long drag of cigarette.

"I'm sorry."

"You know...I never...I never thought I'd live to see thirty," Chandler said, matter of factly.

"What?"

"I always thought I'd die young...alone and young. I figured I'd overdose or something. I'd drink too much or take too many pills...figured no one would miss me if I was gone. I know my parents wouldn't and now-"

"I would miss you. Oh, G-d I'd miss you. These last ten months, being your girlfriend, have been incredible and I wouldn't trade those ten months for anything in the world and I swear, we will make this up to you. I am so, so sorry Chandler. You have us. You have me, you will always have me," Monica said, tears streaming down her face as she reached for his hand and removed it from the bottle of Jack. She squeezed his hand as she kissed his cheek. "Can you come downstairs?"

"To celebrate Rachel's birthday?"

"And you...maybe I'll give you a private party later," Monica said, "but you can't smoke...and you can't be drunk. Please?"

"How did you guys forget? I mean...I'm thirty and you guys forgot."

"I know."

"Hey, there you guys are," Joey said as he walked on to the roof. The two looked up at him. "I think you both need to go downstairs."

"I guess. Hey...can we not tell the others that I was...that I-" Chandler said.

"That you drank too much? I won't." Monica said.

"I won't either," Joey said. "And how 'bout I treat you to a Mets game, this week."

"Really?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, you and me buddy," Joey said.

"I'd like that," Chandler said.

Chandler extinguished his cigarette as Monica stood up. Joey reached out his hand and pulled him up as he wobbled slightly. He still felt horrible as they walked silently back down to the apartment, Monica's arm around his waist. They reached the apartment and were immediately surrounded by Phoebe, Ross and Rachel.

"We are so sorry, Chandler," Phoebe said.

"I'm fine," Chandler said, "Happy birthday, Rachel."

"No, we're turning it around. Blow out the candles," Rachel said, giving him a smile. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the table where there was a chocolate cake that had said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL" but someone had written CHANDLER on a piece of paper and placed it on top of the name. He let out a snort. "Although...how drunk are you?" Rachel asked.

"Look, we'll make this up to you," Ross said.

Chandler smiled as he leaned in and blew out the candles. It still felt bad to him. The cake wasn't for him, none of it was. He felt tired and worn out. He just wanted to leave. They all looked at him with such looks of sympathy, but he wasn't buying it. They had forgotten.

He was still feeling bad. He knew the others felt bad, but it did nothing for him. He could barely concentrate, kept thinking about what had happened. Maybe that's why he had decided maybe to go back to old habits. He left work and walked towards Pub 2, alone. He downed a couple beers and then asked the bartender for some pills. Lizzie was no longer there. She had gone back to Tulsa and Chandler had befriended the new bartender, Kyle. Kyle knew how to get things. Kyle had a brother and the brother was a doctor. The whole chain of command was complicated but all Chandler knew was he had to slip the bartender a few hundred bucks and he could get whatever he wanted. This time he only bought a bottle of Oxy Cotin and stuffed the bottle in his jacket. He would only take a few. There were missed calls from Monica. She was telling him to come home. He didn't want to go home, he wanted to drink. He wanted to just forget. He had forgotten how wonderful it was to just forget.

He did manage to make it home, walking into his apartment. He quickly glanced at Joey's darkened room figuring he was out somewhere. That was fine. He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of vodka and a glass. He was walking to his room when he heard the door open and slam shut behind him. Chandler jumped and turned, seeing Joey standing there. His head cocked to the side.

"Having a party?" Joey asked.

"No. I'm...I thought you were out," Chandler said.

"Forgetting your birthday was a mistake. It doesn't mean we hate you. It doesn't mean we want you to leave."

"I never said that."

"I know you. Chandler, we're going to see the Mets tomorrow. Everyone feels bad. There was no deeper meaning behind this. Hey, I wish you guys had missed my birthday."

"Well...easy to say, you're only twenty nine," Chandler smirked.

"Twenty two," Joey shot back.

"I'm...I'm a mess."

Chandler glanced at the floor, still holding the bottle of vodka and the glass although it suddenly felt so heavy. His took a deep breath.

"I know...I'm not letting you die," Joey said.

"I'm not gonna-"

"No, shut up. It was stupid. We shouldn't have forgotten your birthday. But you're gonna throw away everything away because we forgot your birthday?" Joey asked.

"If it was important-"

"I'm not doing this. Let's go upstairs...to the roof," Joey said, sounding annoyed.

"Why?"

"'Cause...just come," Joey said.

Chandler nodded and walked towards Joey, placing the liquor on the counter and following Joey out the door and upstairs towards the roof. They did not speak. Chandler's heart began to beat wildly, wondering what was going on? Soon, they reached the roof and Joey opened the door as the two stepped onto the roof. He noticed Ross by a projection machine and a big screen set up. Rachel and Phoebe were sitting on patio chairs, drinking. There was a giant table filled with many, many trays of mac and cheese. Chandler looked over at Joey, who had a smirk on his face.

"Happy birthday, asshole," Joey muttered so only Chandler could hear. Chandler smiled as Monica ran up to him and threw her arms around him. She quickly kissed him.

"Surprise," Monica said, "we felt really bad. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I mean, who forgets their boyfriend's thirtieth birthday."

"I wish people had forgotten mine. Thirty one. I'm thirty one," Joey mumbled, feeling choked up again as he walked towards the table of food. Chandler smiled, feeling like a jerk. Maybe it really had been a mistake, a stupid mistake. Maybe Joey had been right...it had been unintentional. Everyone could make a mistake. He had made plenty.

"Nine more months, you'll be thirty two," Chandler teased.

"Shut up, man," Joey said.

"Chandler, I'm really sorry," Monica said, looking at him.

"Yeah, we all are," Phoebe said.

"I'm not," Rachel said. The other five looked at her. "What? I'm the only one that remembered?"

"Then why didn't you tell us?" Phoebe asked.

"It's okay, guys. Really. I'm not mad," Chandler said, looking over at Joey who was now seemingly engrossed in the food. Joey had lost interest it seemed.

"Really? You aren't going to use it as a reason to do stupid crap because you think no one would care?" Ross asked.

Chandler's heart dropped to his stomach as Joey's interest in the conversation had returned upon hearing Ross' comment. Joey looked at Chandler as Chandler knew he would have to lie here.

"Ehhh, I thought about it...but I knew you felt really bad so that was enough for me," Chandler said, before looking at Joey again. Joey shook his head and looked back at the food. Monica wrapped her arm around Chandler's waist and led him to the trays of mac and cheese. "What do we have here?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, we have movies. It's set up and ready to go," Ross said.

"We have to see the Hot Dog movie first," Chandler said. He had heard bits of the story. Phoebe had been dating a cop named, Gary. It had been going well until he had apparently shot a bird, thus spelling the end of Phoebe and Gary's relationship.

"No, we don't. If a movie sucks when you're fifteen and sixteen, it's gonna suck forever," Rachel said.

"Yeah, but Phoebe and Gary broke up. So we have to watch it," Chandler said.

"Thank you, Chandler. But we don't have to. It is a horrible movie and I'm okay," Phoebe said.

"No, we have to watch it. It's tradition...and then Rach, we can watch _Weekend at Bernie's_ followed by _Animal House _and..._Spaceballs_," Chandler said, holding up the movies.

"Okay...fine. Let's watch the damn movie...and you're promising _Weekend at Bernie's_ immediately after?" Rachel asked.

"Yep, I'll even kick Joey in the crotch as a preview," Chandler said.

"You do and I punch you in the head and throw you off the roof," Joey said.

"Alright, let's go. Hot Dog movie," Rachel said.

Chandler handed Ross the movie. Ross took it and loaded it in as the rest of the group got themselves ready, loading up on mac and cheese and sitting in the deck chairs. As Chandler sat next to Monica, he felt crappy all over again. He had been so convinced, so convinced that they had forgotten on purpose. He had thought that he had been forgotten, expendable. He could just disappear but they did try. They made it up to him with macaroni and cheese and movies...the way to his heart, indeed. Maybe they did like him, maybe he had been overreacting.

He had forgotten they were in his jacket pocket, he had completely forgotten. The Hot Dog Movie had ended and they were now laughing watching _Weekend at Bernie's_. Monica had linked her arm around his and gently placed her head on his shoulder. She gently reached her hand down into his pocket and that's when he remembered the bottle. He could feel Monica grab hold of the bottle and could hear the subtle sounds of pills banging as Monica shook it. He looked over at her. She was staring at him. Her face emotionless. He heard Rachel laughing about something, but he kept staring at Monica.

"I...I forgot something downstairs. I'll be right back," Monica said, still staring at Chandler. "Can you help me, Chandler?"

"Yeah," Chandler said quietly as Monica got up and walked out. Chandler followed her. They walked in silence towards their apartments. Chandler followed Monica into her's. He didn't know what to say as she turned and held out her hand. He reached into his pocket and handed her the bottle. Monica looked at it and immediately chucked it at him. It hit him on the head and fell to the floor.

"You were going to fall off the wagon. You were...I-I-I don't...I can't..."

"Mon, I'm sorry...I thought-"

"You thought we forgot on purpose, I know. You thought it was a whole big conspiracy and we've been pretending all these years and when you're not here Chandler, the five of us just sit around and laugh about you and talk about you're just buying all of this and we all just hate you and...what...are you really that stupid? It was a mistake, Chandler. It was a dumb, stupid mistake. That's all. You're gonna...I just..." Monica began, her voice stopping in her throat and she paced back and forth, fingers running through her hair. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?"

"I can't date a drug addict, Chandler. It's just...it's too hard."

"No, no...I swear...I didn't take any."

"You were going too," Monica said, tears starting to run down her face. Chandler shook his head as he walked towards her.

"Please, please...don't...I don't want this to end."

"I don't...I...I mean...I felt horrible that I forgot your birthday. We all did. I'm not sure how that happened. I don't want...I love you so much and I..."

Monica could barely speak when Chandler leaned in, kissing her. He would not let her go. He could not let this end. She kept him grounded. When they parted, she began to breathe heavily as she looked at him.

"I made a mistake too," Chandler said.

"You did."

"And I'm fine."

"I don't want to lose you," Monica said. "If I lose you...that...I can't-"

Chandler took Monica's hand and walked her towards the bottle that was still on the floor. He picked it up and while still holding Monica's hand walked her towards her bathroom.

"Your bathroom," Monica said. Chandler let out a snort as he turned and walked towards the door. They walked out and walked into his apartment and into his bathroom. Chandler very methodically opened the top of the bottle and dumped all the pills into the toilet. Monica gently rubbed his arm as she watched him. He leaned over and flushed the toilet. She looked at him as he smiled at her. He gently kissed her as he reached over to flush the toilet one more time just to be sure, but this time it wouldn't flush. Chandler tried again, but the water started to rise. Chandler bit his lip, trying not to laugh when suddenly he heard Monica laughing. He turned to see her smiling. Her eyes sparkling as she looked at him.

"You clogged the toilet?"

"It had to be Joey," Chandler said.

"G-d...Chandler," Monica said, shaking her head.

"I'll call Treager tomorrow...but can we...can we go and watch the rest of the movie?"

"Yeah, we can."

"And can you still be my girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but you gotta make it easier for me, babe."

"I'm trying."

"You are...and I love you so much. Chandler, with you it...it feels right. It's where I'm supposed to be and if you leave...that would kill me," Monica said.

"Thanks. I love you, too. Let's just go back up there. We'll deal with this later," Chandler said as he grabbed Monica's hand and walked out. As the reached the stairwell, he looked at her, "please don't tell anyone about-"

"I won't...oh, wait, I really did need to get something," Monica said as she raced back into her apartment and walked out with a big pink box. She approached him. "We do love you, Chandler...but I love you more than they do and if you pull something like that again, I will kill you."

Chandler nodded as they walked back upstairs to the roof. When they returned, Monica decided it was cake time. They gathered around him, Monica linking her arm in his. He closed his eyes as they sang to him. His birthday wish. He wanted happiness. He wanted to be with Monica. He wanted to feel at peace with himself. How he would go about that, he wasn't sure. He was thirty now. He never thought he'd make it and now there he was...and he wasn't sure what the next move would be.


	46. Chapter 46

**May 1999-December 1999**

It was supposed to be their anniversary. Monica has surprised him with tickets to go to Vegas. They were going to surprise Joey and then celebrate but quickly that turned around. Phoebe invited herself and then invited Rachel and Ross. He had left Monica's anniversary gift at home and then came Phoebe letting it slip that Monica had had dinner with Richard. Richard? The ex...the love of Monica's life. It threw him for a loop. Richard had been so easy. Monica had said it before, being with Chandler was hard. He had too many issues. He was an addict, drank too much and could spin wildly out of control. His insecurities always overtook him and he wore his heart on his sleeve. They had forgotten his thirtieth birthday and he immediately took it as a personal affront and not as a stupid mistake.

When they had arrived in Vegas, the tension got worse. They had run into Joey who was dressed as a gladiator. Joey had been in Sin City to film a movie but that got canceled and now he was trying to make enough money to go home. Everything seemed to be going wrong. Chandler and Monica ended up fighting and he stormed off to their room, alone. Once again, his mind reeled. Maybe Monica was better off with Richard. Richard would never do the stuff Chandler had done. He was a mess. He had nothing to offer and Monica could do so much better than him. He knew that. Everyone knew that. He walked over to the mini-fridge and opened it, pulling out several tiny bottles of liquor. He opened a tiny bottle of whiskey and downed it, drinking it like water. He reached for another bottle of liquor and was about to unscrew the top when Joey walked in, still dressed like a gladiator.

"Really? That's productive," Joey said.

"What do want, Joe?"

"Wanted to check on you...and apologize, again, I should've told you my movie got canceled but I just-"

"It's fine," Chandler said as he downed the bottle of vodka. He and Joey were supposed to drive down to Vegas together but a fight had put an end to that road trip. Joey's movie had sounded completely ridiculous to Chandler and he had let it slip that he thought this movie would not be Joey's big break. He had been right it seemed, although he did kinda wish he wasn't.

"Let's go do something...I'm done with work."

"This is the worst anniversary ever. And...and I should've known, right? It was way too good to be true. Of course she'd go back to Richard."

"She had lunch with him, she didn't fuck him," Joey said.

"She wants too."

"She told you that?"

"She didn't have too. I could see it in her eyes. I can see her lusting after hunky mustache man."

"You sure that's not you?" Joey asked.

"She's leaving me for Richard. She is."

"How come when you freak out, you turn you into a whining fourteen year old girl?" Joey asked.

"You're not helping."

"Because you're being stupid. You know she's not leaving you for Richard. It was probably just lunch and lunch is the least important meal of the day. They just put it there as a speed bump between breakfast and dinner. No one gives a crap about lunch. Oooo, let's get ribs?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Chandler asked.

"Let's go play...we're in Vegas. We should go to a strip club."

"I don't wanna go to a strip club."

"So you wanna sulk in here and drink?" Joey asked.

"Yes."

"I understand...are you PMSing?" Joey asked.

"Leave me alone."

"I'm not. Let's go out...I hate moping Chandler. I want gets drunk off his ass and sleeps with strippers, Chandler."

"That's you."

"Yeah...it's a great life I lead."

Chandler let out a snort as he reached for another bottle, this time of Bacardi and opened it. He downed. He felt a little drunk now and fully ready to take on Vegas. Maybe Joey had a point. If Monica could move on to Richard. Maybe he can move on too or at the very least, have a scantily clad woman dance on his lap. Just as he stood up though, the door opened and Monica walked in. Her eyes were puffed up like she had been crying. She looked at Chandler and Joey.

"Hey...did I interrupt something?" Monica asked.

"No, I was gonna go take him to see some strippers," Joey said.

"Lovely. Phoebe's at the bar downstairs, Joe...can I talk to Chandler alone?"

"Sure. I'll go play with Pheebs. Be careful, Mon. Chandler's PMSing," Joey said.

"I am not...go away, Joey," Chandler said. Joey laughed as he walked out, slamming the door shut behind him. Monica walked over to the bed and sat looking at the empty bottles. Chandler sat opposite her.

"Drinking already?" Monica asked.

"How's Richard?"

"He's fine...but I don't love him."

"Come on. Give me a break, Mon. I was there. He's the love of your life."

"Not anymore," Monica shot back.

"Please. I mean, it was probably easier with Richard."

"Yeah, it was. Not gonna lie. It was definitely easier. I didn't have to worry he'd get drunk or turning to pills or anything...you're right it was easy. It was perfect."

"Then go back to him."

"It was also boring. He was perfect in every single way...there were no quirks. Nothing...I don't want that. I want my messed up, freaks out and then blows everything so out of proportion that he really does act like a fourteen year old girl on her period guy. I want you," Monica said, grabbing his hands.

"Thank you," Chandler said. Monica smiled as she placed her hand on his cheek and lifted his face up towards her.

"'Cause that guy is sweet and funny...smart and knows how to calm me down. That guy knows my quirks and accepts them and that guy works so hard every single day of his life because things don't come easy for him. I want him...you."

"Wait, so I'm really now the love of your life?" Chandler asked, giving her a smile.

"You are. I mean, Richard...yeah, he was great and I learned so much from him. I'd rather be with you. It's more fun. I'm with my best friend."

"Well...I mean, don't you think you can do better?"

"Than you?"Monica asked.

"Yeah."

"No. Not a chance," Monica said.

Chandler smiled as he leaned into kiss her. His anxieties melting. He wasn't sure why he flipped so much, why everything had to be such a deal.

"Happy Vegas-versary," Chandler grinned as Monica giggled.

"Happy Vegas-versary," Monica said, "now will you play with me?"

"Yeah...were you crying?"

"I-I was yelling at Phoebe...I was afraid you were gonna break up with me. I thought you were gonna think it was too much and you were gonna dump me and I just got really upset."

"That's not gonna happen," Chandler said. "You're it for me."

"Really?" Monica asked, smiling.

"Yeah, Monica...I've never felt this way about anyone. You can even ask the other three women I've had serious relationships with. I'll give you their numbers. But...with you-"

"You know, you still talk to Lizzie."

"Wait...what?" Chandler asked, a little confused about Monica's sudden change in conversation.

"You still talk to Lizzie. Regularly. If you get mad that I had lunch with Richard...you talk to Lizzie."

"She moved back to Tulsa...with her kid that she had with the guy she cheated on me with."

"You still talk to her. You were so certain you were going to marry her. You also thought you were going to marry Janice and Kathy. So...I mean, can I ask you the same thing...are you sure that I'm it for you? That I'm the one you want? Every girl you date you're convinced you're going to marry." Monica said, giving him a grin. Chandler let that sink in. She did have a point. Maybe she and Joey were right. He was a fourteen year old girl.

"Alright...okay...I did think I was going to marry Lizzie. I loved her. I'd know her forever...but it has come to my attention by both you and Lizzie that it wasn't healthy, our relationship and she did let me get away with way too much. Janice...I liked that she liked me. She liked me far more than I ever liked her. It wasn't really fair to her. Kathy...it started badly and I never trusted her because of it. So okay yes, I did think those three were the loves of my life, even Janice. But I was wrong."

"Really?"

"Yeah...it's always been you. I love that you are so willing to call me out on anything. I can't get away with a goddamn thing with you. I love that. I love that you're my best friend. I just...I love you and it scared me that you had lunch with Richard."

"It scares me when you talk to Lizzie," Monica said. "I know how much she meant to you."

"Not nearly as much as you mean to me. I mean, you're...I-" Chandler stopped, maybe it was the alcohol, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was Vegas, crazy things happened in Vegas but the next two words out of his mouth were words he never thought he'd hear himself say. He stared at Monica, the way she looked at him, so full of love and he loved her just as much, "marry me."

Monica shook her head, taken aback by what he said. She wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

"Excuse me?"

"Marry me. Tonight. Marry me."

"Are you...are you listening to what you're asking?"

"Yes."

"How drunk are you?" Monica asked.

"Drunk enough to know I want too but not so drunk that I'm not aware of what I'm doing. Marry me...let's just do it. You and me."

Monica smiled as she looked at him. She grabbed one of the tiny bottles of liquor, unscrewed the top and downed it. "Yes."

"Yes."

"I wanna marry you. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Chandler."

Chandler nodded as he kissed her. The two were both a little drunk as they stood up and stumbled slightly towards the door. He had never in his life thought like that, never wanted to marry anyone. Sure, he had said it but actually wanted it with every fiber of his being...no. When they reached the door, Monica suddenly stopped.

"Oh, wait," Monica said.

"What?"

"You don't want kids. If we get married-"

Chandler laughed. Was she being serious? Of course, leave it to Monica to worry about something like that...now...even in her slightly drunken haze. He turned to look at her.

"With you...with you, I happily will take on the role of a dad."

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yes. But can we do this first?"

"Yeah," Monica said as they quickly ran out of the room. They went downstairs and to the gift shop, immediately looking for something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. As they searched, the alcohol wore off but the anticipation did not. They were getting married.

After getting their items, they went to The Little White Chapel, put their names down and waited. As they waited, Chandler looked over at Monica, wondering if she was nervous. She smiled at him, grabbing his hand.

"Okay...last time, you sure you wanna do this?" Monica asked.

"Never been more sure of anything."

"Good...wow...you've never...I've never seen you be this...forward."

"I know it's you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you. I wanna be with you. I'm not scared of this place. I thought I would be...but with you, it's just so simple," Chandler said.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Chandler said as the two shared a kiss. The two looked around, Chandler was starting to get nervous but he knew what he wanted. He wanted Monica.

There was the sound of bells as Monica and Chandler stood up. They were going to get married. He grabbed her hand as the two stepped towards the doors of the chapel just as they opened and out flew Rachel and Ross, completely trashed and throwing rice at each other. Monica and Chandler stared at each other as it sunk in the Ross and Rachel had gotten married.

The marriage of Ross and Rachel was like a bucket of ice cold water on the plans of Chandler and Monica. They had been drunk, they had known it. Maybe not as drunk as Ross and Rachel, but maybe a Vegas wedding wouldn't have been the best idea.

"Are we ready?" Monica asked that night as she and Chandler lay in bed, still stunned by what had happened earlier.

"Well...I don't know."

"Well...I mean, we're more ready than Ross and Rachel."

"Phoebe and Joey would be more ready," Chandler said.

"I just...we're gonna have to deal with this now."

"Deal with what?" Chandler asked.

"Ross and Rachel."

"Why?"

"'Cause they can't...they were wasted and now-"

"They're grown ups, Mon."

"Yeah, but-"

"Why do we have to worry about it? Hey, look...you always tell me how self absorbed I am. The way I look at it, this is our anniversary. Not only did they invite themselves-"

"Joey didn't."

"Except Joey...the rest of them not only invited themselves, but shouldn't they be celebrating us?" Chandler asked.

"You don't think we should worry?"

"What can we do? We are always worried about Ross and Rachel...about what ever they're going through. It's our anniversary. Let's think about us and we almost did."

Monica looked at him and grinned. She moved up the bed to kiss him on the cheek as she cuddled up to him.

"I-I don't wanna get married...yet. I don't wanna get married in a chapel in Vegas...I don't our wedding to be like that, a Vegas spur of the moment thing," Monica said.

"Okay."

"But you're more sober now and so am I...so I have to ask...were you-"

"Yeah, I was serious. I wanna marry with you and I wanna have kids with you."

"You really wanna have kids? What changed your mind?" Monica asked.

"You."

Monica smiled as she leaned into kiss him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. The kiss deepened as they held each other, getting lost in each other. It had started out as a crappy anniversary but it got so much better. Ross and Rachel could have their drama. Chandler and Monica had what they wanted...each other.

Back at home the fall out from Ross and Rachel's marriage kept taking over but neither Chandler nor Monica spent too much time caring about it. They went out together, even spending time with Gandalf and Tyler. They felt like they were in a completely separate world. Chandler loved bringing Monica into his world. He always felt sometimes like he was in her world after all Ross was her brother, Rachel was her high school best friend...but now he got to show Monica his old friends and she fit in so well. They were getting closer and closer it seemed and maybe they wouldn't get married in Vegas, but that next step. That next step, maybe they were ready for it. It was one of those crisp New York nights as the seasons were slowly changing from summer to fall and Monica was rambling about something as they strolled together hand in hand. Chandler wasn't really paying attention. He kept trying to figure out a way to ask his next question without sound weird.

They walked home, hand in hand, the warmth of the drinks they had still running through them as Monica was talking, happily reliving the night.

"Can I move in?"

"What?" Monica asked, stopping and staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Okay, I'm not proposing. We almost got married in Vegas...but I'm not...I mean, we will...but right now? I don't wanna go back to my apartment. I wanna be in your apartment. I wanna make it our apartment," Chandler said, his heart beating wildly. He couldn't believe he was asking this. He could almost feel his old self watching him in just dumbfounded amazement.

"Seriously? What about Rachel and Joey?"

"Joey will find another roommate and I'll help him out until he finds one and Rachel? Well, she's married. She should move in Ross."

"They've annulled it."

"Even still. Look...I loved tonight. I loved being with you away from them for just a little bit. Maybe we're ready for that," Chandler said.

"Wow...who are you?" Monica asked, grinning.

"What?" Chandler asked, a little taken aback.

"In Vegas, you asked me to marry you...you're now asking if we could live together. Who are you?" Monica asked.

"I am a man who is just beginning his thirties...and wants to hang out and have sex with his best friend as much as possible," Chandler said.

"Wait...are we talking about me or Joey?" Monica asked, giving him a joking look. Chandler let out a snort.

"Joey. But he's really not doing it for me anymore so can I move in with you?" Chandler asked, in his signature sarcastic tone. Monica started laughing as she gently wrapped her arms around him.

"Yes...yes, I wanna live with you. Wow...I never thought...next thing I know, you may actually quit your job and find something you love to do."

"Don't get crazy. Not ready for that yet...but this I'm ready for and I've never felt ready for this step."

"I'm ready too."

They shared another kiss as they continued walking. Monica had been right, this was all so new for him. This stage, this metaphorical place. He thought of Lizzie, Janice and Kathy and while he said the words, he was never sure he felt it. He loved everything Lizzie had done for him so he committed to her. He committed to Janice because he wanted to prove to himself that he could commit and he committed to Kathy because he felt he almost had to after everything that had happened with Joey. He never completely opened his heart to any of them, always on guard and waiting for the other shoe to drop. With Monica though, everything felt so right. He could never find the words to explain it, what it was he was feeling. Maybe it was that same feeling when he met Joey for the first time, there was something different...something that made that relationship better, more special than anything else.

Moving in together, though, it was easier said than done. First they had told Joey which was painful. Chandler never realized how hard it would be to say goodbye to living with Joey. It was strange given that he wasn't moving too far. He was moving across the hall but it was tough.

"Okay, I get him for Rangers games and Knicks games," Joey argued as he, Monica and Chandler were sitting at Monica's kitchen table. Chandler had just told Joey the news that he was moving in with Monica and he was now sitting in between Joey and Monica listening in amusement as the two argued over when they would get to see him. It did occur to him that his parents had never argued over who would get to see him and it did make him smile that Joey and Monica did.

"Fine and I get him on Saturdays...and Fridays...and Sundays," Monica said.

"Fine...Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays...and Thursdays are mine."

"Thursdays are mine. I'm the girlfriend. I get more days."

"Wait...what if there's a game on a weekend," Joey said.

"Can-can I get a say in this?" Chandler asked.

"No," they both said together which made Chandler laugh.

"Wow, there is nothing creepy about this discussion at all," Chandler joked.

"Fine, anytime there's a sports thingy, you can have him," Monica said.

"And for video games and...and if I wanna watch _Die Hard_...or _Baywatch_...or porn," Joey argued.

"Okay, it's weird that you two watch porn together," Monica said.

"Why? You and Rachel do that, don't you?" Joey said, sounding worried.

"They do, they do...right, Monica?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, fine...okay, okay...when I want to have sex, I get him," Monica said.

"Well..." Joey grinned.

"If you finish that sentence, I'm hitting you with a pan," Chandler said, giving him a look.

"Okay, how about this...I get him on the date nights, you get him...well, Tuesdays I work late so you two can have at it on Tuesdays," Monica said.

"Score," Joey said as he and Chandler high fived each other, making Monica laugh. This whole conversation had become absurd. "And Mon, you can have him on date nights unless there's a game or something and then we can switch?"

"Then we can switch," Monica said.

"And I am the Best Man when you two get married for real," Joey said.

Chandler looked at him, he hadn't really thought about that. He had just thought of getting married to Monica, not about the logistics.

"Um...my Best Man?"

"Yes," Joey said.

"Well...given the fact that I've known Ross longer and have been his Best Man for two out of his three weddings and he would be my brother in law-" Chandler said.

"If you choose Ross, I'll punch you in the head," Joey said, matter of factly.

"Okay, you'll be my Best Man," Chandler said.

"Thank you," Joey said.

Monica just shook her head as she continued debating with Joey as to the visiting arrangements with Chandler. For as bizarre as this whole conversation was, Chandler had found it kind of comforting that both of them liked him that much, so much so that they were arguing over who got to spend the most time with him. He thought back to his childhood and wondered if anyone had ever argued over who got him? He wasn't sure he could ever remember that happening.

Breaking the news to Joey was the first in many hurdles to finally moving in with Monica. He had always known Monica to be anal and was probably not be so easy to live with. He had heard the rumors. He had remembered when Rachel had wanted to bring a seashell lamp from Mr. Heckles's apartment home with her and put it in the living room, Monica had flipped. Phoebe had yelled to him many times about how difficult it was to live with Monica. He had thought it might be easier for him, but when she told him he could not bring his beloved barcalounger nor could he buy a video game, it made him feel what Rachel and Phoebe had both felt.

"It's my chair, I paid for them," he let out a sigh as he ate lunch with Rachel and Phoebe. He and Monica had gotten into an argument and he took solace in the two that would understand his pain more than anyone.

"Remember how she broke my seashell lamp? Oh...and when I tried to clean and she didn't like where I put the ottoman," Rachel said.

"She yelled at me because I put the glasses out of order one time," Phoebe said.

Chandler groaned. He was irritated, living Monica was going to be tough. He knew that much but he had wanted it, he had chosen it and he still wanted to live with Monica. So maybe he would have to deal with it or figure out a way to compromise. It just did not need to be this difficult. At the end of the day, he just wanted to live with Monica.

Yet another hurdle came in a most unexpected way with Ross. It was October now and Chandler's move in date was coming soon but everything almost fell apart around Ross' thirtieth birthday when it was discovered that he had not annulled the marriage so now instead of celebrating, Ross was getting divorced for the third time and this time to Rachel. Monica had still wanted to celebrate him and Phoebe had gone to Ross' apartment to get him. He did reluctantly come to the apartment to celebrate. Rachel would now be moving in with Phoebe though and Ross and Rachel did make up during Ross' party. Chandler did feel a little sorry for him but he was even more excited for him and Monica. The final hurdle was cleared and they were both ready for that jump. This next step, this amazing next step would be for them.

As the end of 1999 neared, Monica had a present for Chandler. He and Monica had finally moved in together in early November. He had been allowed to bring his barcalounger which he appreciated and he didn't bother pushing for much else. He figured it would just be easier to let Monica do whatever she wanted with Rachel's old room. He had at least gotten his chair.

It was a few days before Christmas when he walked in after a long day at work, Monica was standing there grinning at him. She had clearly been waiting for him.

"Hey, sweetie...what's up?" Chandler asked.

"I have a surprise. I finished decorating Rachel's old room."

"Great," Chandler said, too tired to really show much excitement which seemed to make Monica smile even more. She grabbed his hand and walked him towards the room.

"I wanna show you."

"Okay," Chandler said although he really didn't care. He knew it had been made into a fancy guest room. It was what Monica wanted.

"Oh, I need to blindfold you," Monica said, holding up a bandana.

"Why? It's a guest room. Just like you wanted," Chandler said.

"Play with me, please," Monica said, giving him a look.

"Fine," Chandler said as he knelt down a little to let Monica blindfold him. She was almost giddy as she led him into the room. Chandler soon felt Monica tug at the back of the blindfold, pulling his head down towards her.

"Damn, you're tall," she muttered. Chandler laughed as he took it off and was staring at exactly what he thought he'd be staring at. It was Monica's fancy guest room.

"Pretty...it's your fancy guest room," Chandler said.

"Turn around, asshole," Monica said.

Chandler turned around and his mouth dropped. On the opposite wall were all his movies, a gumball machine, an old popcorn machine and big screen television.

"Oh my G-d," Chandler said.

"See, I may be a pain in the ass to live with...but I know how to compromise."

"These are all of my movies?"

"Almost...they're everywhere actually...but I get my guest room, you get your movies. I think that's a good compromise."

"Yeah...wow."

"Oh," Monica said as she walked towards the VHS player and held up _When Harry Met Sally._ "Will you watch with me?"

"Yeah...anytime."

Monica set up the movie as Chandler lay down on the bed. Monica looked over at him and cleared her throat. Chandler let out a snort as he took off his shoes and placed his feet back on the bed. Monica pressed play as she walked over to the door, shut it and turned off the lights. She walked over to the bed as they lay together, holding each other and once again feeling like they were the only two people in the world.


	47. Chapter 47

**March 2000**

When he had said goodbye to his old life, he had said goodbye to everyone. He had seen her a few times when he had gone to boarding school but other than that, he hadn't spoken to her all that much. She was part of his past. His mom had mentioned years ago that Sophie was wondering what had happened to him and he had said he would call but did not. He just left it in the past. He was in a new spot living with his girlfriend, surrounded by amazing friends. He was no longer there. He was even planning Monica's thirtieth birthday. He had never planned anything for anyone in his life, Ross' bachelor parties at the Pizza Hut and his and Joey's apartment non-withstanding, but those were fairly easy to plan. This was Monica, the woman he wanted to marry. It had to be perfect. Rachel, Joey, Ross and Phoebe kept teasing him that he was turning into the male version of Monica with all his planning, but he wanted it to be up to the Monica standards of perfection. What he didn't plan for, what of course no one ever plans for is life. He had made a last minute list, Monica would be proud. On that list were various things needed for the party. There was one thing not on that list.

His hands were shaking as he walked into the hospital. He had told no one that he was there. It was Monica's birthday and she was working. Rachel and Phoebe were shopping for Monica's party. Joey and Ross were somewhere else. He really wasn't sure. His mother was the one who had called him. In recent weeks, she had called at least twenty times, but he had blown her off. Finally, he had picked up the phone, annoyed and now there he was, racing down the hall, finding the room and there she was, Sophie. She was dying. It had been cancer that taken over. She was so small and he remembered her being so tall, do voluptuous. Even during their last meeting when he towered over her, he still felt small. She knew him. She had taken him to his first party with other kids. The party where unbeknownst to him at the time, he met the girl that would grow up to be the woman he was dreaming of spending the rest of his life with. She had been his mom when his mom was gone and now he was watching her, her body grayish and thin. Her brown hair gone, her cheeks sunken in. She could barely speak when he walked in. She recognized him instantly.

"You're so tall," she whispered as he stood in the doorway. His heart sinking to his stomach, the list for Monica's party in his pocket.

"Sophie...I'm sorry," Chandler said, sitting beside her. The hospital room was sterile looking yet filled with flowers.

"Oh, sweetie. You look so good."

"Thanks," he said, staring at his hands. He wanted to grab her, hold her but couldn't. He was told not to when he arrived.

"Look at me, Chandler," Sophie said.

"You're not supposed to be here. You're my mom. You were more like a mom than my own mom. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You're here now."

"I guess...oh, you remember that party you took me to? The party at the doctor's house in Long Island? After I took LSD?" Chandler asked, searching for something to say.

"Yes."

"I'm friends with them. It was...well three of the kids that were there, this girl, Rachel Green. It was her house. She's one of my best friends now. She's really sweet."

"I always thought she was the nicest of those Green girls. I remember them."

"I guess...well, also there was also a brother and sister there. Ross and Monica Gellar? Well, Ross is also one of my closest friends and Monica...she was the one that gave me the friendship bracelet and...and she's now my girlfriend. We live together. She's the friendship bracelet girl. You said I would marry her one day. You were right. I'm going to. One day and I want you there."

"Oh honey, I don't know if that will be possible but oh I am so proud of you."

"Yeah, I have friends...just like you wanted and...and...I have normal and now I don't have to watch my movies alone because I make them watch with me."

"And I'm sure you make them laugh?"

"I do. Although, sometimes they get annoyed and make fun of me and tell me to stop, but I don't. I'm sorry. That's...I should have come sooner," Chandler said, feeling like a kid who had been caught doing something wrong.

"You're here."

"You can't leave. I need you here," Chandler said. "I want you to come to my wedding to the friendship bracelet girl."

"Oh, sweetie."

Chandler shook his head. He had done so much wrong in his life. So many times he had overreacted or made a wrong choice, but this one. This one seemed unforgivable. He had been called selfish before, self-destructive...but this seemed worse. He had let down the one person who never let him down, the one who picked him up from school, begged him to get away from the crazy house when he was old enough. The one who cleaned his wounds. It had been her and yet he could do nothing to help her.

He didn't want to leave her side, though he knew he had no choice. He had a party to attend. Monica's party. He had to be upbeat and happy. He owed it to Monica. He didn't want to be accused of ruining her birthday so he would be happy. Somehow. He would not mention it to the others, there was no need. This was for him to deal with. They would blame him, he was sure of it. He blamed him. They would call him selfish for cutting Sophie off and she lay there dying. It was his fault.

To go home was tough and he needed a way to be happy again. It had been three years since the last time he had taken a pill. The last time he had fallen off and he had been good, very good but now...leaving Sophie's hospital room that day, knowing he had not been there for her. He had no clue what would have happened to him had it not been for her. How dare he enjoy Monica's party, he kept thinking. How dare he go back to his happy little life...it was all just too much. He stopped at Pub 2 on the way home, looking at Kyle the bartender. Kyle had helped him in the past when he had so stupidly thought his friends hated him and that was the reason they forgot his birthday. Well if they knew...if they knew what he had done to Sophie, then they'd truly hate him. They'd be disgusted.

"You sure about this?" Kyle had asked, as he was on the phone with his brother. His brother could give Chandler everything he wanted. Chandler nodded and soon the deal was underway. Chandler waited in the bar drinking until Kyle's brother appeared in the bar, a stack of prescription pads with various prescriptions written on them and a giant carton of pills. He needed this. He'd be much more careful now. He knew that. He would hide it better. Before the party began, before the guests arrived, Chandler retreated to the bathroom and locked the door. He had taken a beer in with him. He opened up one of the orange bottles of vicodin and popped three in his mouth, using the beer to swallow it down. He was officially off the wagon. Sitting on the floor of the bathroom, he leaned back against the tub and closed his eyes, still seeing Sophie in that bed. It was all so horrible. She had hated that he had tried LSD. She had told him to stay away from alcohol and drugs but it didn't matter now. None of it did, she was leaving him and he had done nothing.

"Hey, Chandler, you home?"

Chandler could hear Joey's voice yelling for him. He had forgotten. Joey and Ross had come by to help him set up. He couldn't see them now, but he was certain he had no choice.

"Uh, yeah...I'll be right out," Chandler yelled. His heart beating wildly, he was staring now at the big giant carton. How was he going to hide this? Joey and Ross weren't going to leave now. He stared at the half empty can of beer and immediately downed it, a warm rush, a simple euphoria washed over him. He had missed that feeling. He felt happy, no need to concentrate on the horrible person he truly was. He couldn't throw the beer can away in the bathroom, so he stuck it into the box and hid in one of the cabinets. He's have to get it later and hide it in a better spot. He walked out, grinning as Ross and Joey were carrying in boxes of food.

"Hello, chillen," Chandler said, hardly realizing his mistake or the word he had meant to say.

"You alright buddy?" Joey asked.

"Are you drunk?" Ross asked.

"No, no...what...let's...what's going on," Chandler said, holding himself together. Ross and Joey both gave him looks, but he ignored it. They wouldn't get it. There was no way they could get it. They had mothers in their lives, women who raised them, loved them and he had none of that and the one who had provided that was laying in a hospital bed, dying while he was trying to put together a thirtieth birthday party.

He had calmed a bit as the party began, no longer drunk and no longer high. He had managed to bring the box of pills into the guest room and slide them under the bed. He would move them later, but for the party, it would work. At least for now, everything would work. He would act. The party was alright, not his type of party. It was none of their type of party but it was Monica's and it would be perfect, at least he could do something right or perhaps not. Monica was wasted when she arrived at her own surprise party. He tried not to show it, but his heart fell yet again wanting so badly for her to like what he had done. Maybe if she liked it, it would take away some of the guilt he felt from letting Sophie down. He wouldn't get that chance as Monica was drunk because she was depressed about being thirty and she was also feeling left out. He knew that. She had confided in him. Rachel and Phoebe were now close, they were living together and often went out with Phoebe's friends. Chandler hadn't really thought much of it but he knew Monica was sad and just as soon as her thirtieth party began, it had ended with people leaving. Monica had had a bit of a freak out in front of everyone and soon after people left but it was when Rachel and Phoebe left that Chandler noticed Monica become even sadder.

"Where are you guys going?" Monica asked, stumbling towards them. She held onto Rachel's arm. Chandler looked at Monica and over at Rachel and Phoebe. He really wanted her with him. He wanted to tell Monica what happened with Sophie, but maybe now wasn't the time.

"We're gonna go, honey. Happy birthday and you get some rest and we will see you tomorrow," Rachel smiled, giving Monica a hug.

"Yeah, we will see you tomorrow," Phoebe said.

"Oh," Monica said as Chandler let out a sigh. His high had long since worn off. He was sober and he wanted nothing more than to drink again. He wanted to be as drunk as Monica but Monica wanted to leave. The party truly had been bad and Monica wanted to leave.

"You know, let me walk you two out," Chandler said as he walked towards Phoebe and Rachel and motioned for them to follow him. He walked into Joey's apartment and turned to look at Rachel and Phoebe.

"Hey, can you two do me a favor?" Chandler asked.

"Of course...what? Rachel asked.

"Take Monica with you. Where ever you two are going right now, please take her with you."

"Why? Do you wanna get rid of her?" Phoebe asked.

No, far from it, he thought. He needed her now more than any of them. He wanted to cry, yell, scream, tell her that he had fucked up again but it was her birthday and he knew where she wanted to go, where she wanted to be and it wasn't with him.

"No, it's just...I know the reason she drank a lot tonight. Not just 'cause she's turning thirty. I think lately she's been feeling left out," Chandler said.

"But we're not leaving her out on purpose. She's got you. Rachel and I are pathetic and single," Phoebe said.

"I know, I've told her that," Chandler grinned, getting Phoebe's joke and playing back. It felt normal, just as Sophie had once told he he would have. Normal. "Look...just take her. Do what you do...have your pillow fights and stuff."

"You're really convinced that this is what we do when we're together?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, it is. Please don't ruin that," Chandler said.

"Okay, we will...are you gonna be okay?" Rachel asked.

Chandler smiled. That was a loaded question. No, he wasn't. He had fallen off the wagon, the woman whom he considered more like a mom than his own was dying in a hospital and his girlfriend was wasted and wanted to spend her birthday with Rachel and Phoebe and not him. He knew the correct answer though. He was fine.

"Please. I got Joey and eighty seven trays of appetizers over there. You think he's leaving my apartment soon?" Chandler asked, which made Phoebe and Rachel laugh. That sound, Phoebe's laugh in particular. G-d, he loved that laugh. Even for a brief moment, hearing that laugh could make everything alright with the world. It was his most favorite sound.

"Okay...you're a good boyfriend, Chandler," Rachel said.

"Yeah, we'll take your girlfriend off your hands for you," Phoebe said as the three walked out of Joey's apartment and back into Chandler and Monica's. Monica was sitting at the table, still drinking and chatting with Joey and Ross.

"Mon, sweetie, do you wanna hang out with us?" Rachel asked.

Monica looked up and smiled, her eyes suddenly brightening. Chandler felt a bit of pain but held it.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yeah. We figured this party kinda looks like it's over and you know, we haven't had a girls night in a long time...we will continue celebrating your birthday," Phoebe said.

"Okay...Chandler, are you gonna be okay?" Monica asked. He wanted to once again scream out no. He wanted to tell them all that he had taken drugs again but he wasn't sure what would happen if he told them. If they would all get mad or if they would all leave.

"I'm fine. I got food, booze and _Die Hard_," Chandler said, instead.

"Yeah, we're not going anywhere," Ross said.

"I gotta finish this," Joey said. "Dude, did someone finish the crab cakes?"

"No, there's a tray right here," Ross said as he handed Joey a tray. Joey took it and dug in.

Monica laughed as she stood up and walked towards Chandler, giving him a kiss and squeezing his arm. She smiled at him as she turned to follow Phoebe and Rachel out into the night. Chandler turned towards the the guest room to go get some movies and maybe grab some more vicodin. He was feeling bad again. As he walked towards the stack of movies, Ross followed him into the guest room and shut the door.

"I'm getting _Die Hard_. We'll watch out there," Chandler said.

"Are you on something again?"

"What?"

"Today, earlier...did you fall off the wagon?" Ross asked.

"No. No...don't be ridiculous."

"Chandler, come on."

"It's fine...I just...I got some bad news," Chandler said.

"What?"

Chandler let out a sigh as he scratched the back of his head. He did not want to talk about this. He wanted Ross to leave him alone but he knew that wouldn't happen.

"Sophie has cancer. She's dying," Chandler said.

"Oh...oh," Ross' demeanor changed as he looked at him. Chandler shook his head. He did not want sympathy. He did want someone feeling sorry for him. He didn't deserve that.

"No, no...it's...I'm fine."

"Want me to get Phoebe back here and we can watch the _Hot Dog Movie_?"

Chandler let out a snort, "no. No...it's okay. Although...we have said that Phoebe's laugh could cure cancer. Maybe she can come with me to visit Sophie."

"You trying to make a joke?"

"A little."

"Not one of your better ones."

"Can't all be winners...look, can we just watch _Die Hard_," Chandler said.

"Yeah...just please don't do anything stupid. Please?"

"I'll be out in a sec. Just gotta find the movie."

"Alright," Ross said as he walked out of the room. Chandler waited a few seconds before walking towards the bed and grabbing the box. He walked towards the closet and put the box in there amongst all the other boxes of movies. That would do for now but he would definitely have to move the box somewhere else. He grabbed a bottle out and poured a couple pills in his hand, closed the closet and walked towards the stack. He quickly put the pills in his mouth as he grabbed the movie and walked out towards Joey and Ross who were eating and quickly grabbed a beer, swallowing the pills down. He felt guilty but he was officially off the wagon.

He was half asleep when Monica finally came home. He was in bed, drunk and a little high once more having taken a few more pills after Ross and Joey had left. She got into bed with him and gently wrapped her arms around him, kissing the back of his neck.

"Thank you...for tonight. It was so wonderful and sweet...I love that you threw me this party," she whispered. He turned over and smiled at her.

"Happy birthday."

"What's wrong with you?" Monica asked.

"What? Nothing," Chandler said, taken aback.

"I can read you like a book."

Chandler let out a sigh. She really could read him. She could tell what he was feeling without him ever having to say a word.

"Sophie's dying. I visited her today in the hospital...she's dying. I cut her off. I've barely spoken to her in fifteen years. I was so desperate to get away from everything. I'm an asshole."

"Oh, baby...I'm sorry. You're not an asshole though. What you did for me tonight was amazing."

"She's dying Monica...and I..." Chandler said as tears began to fill his eyes, with Monica he felt safe crying. She held him as she kissed him.. She looked at him, worried.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Monica asked.

"It's your birthday."

"So? And I wouldn't have gone out with Phoebe and Rachel," Monica said. "Oh and off topic...you have to start giving them head kisses and shoulder pecks again. They thought I told you to stop being affectionate like that with them and they miss it."

"They do?" Chandler asked. He had always thought they had found it annoying. He had stopped when he and Monica got together, thinking it would be wrong.

"Yeah. Of course...only those two...but you can be your old Chandlery self with them."

"Oh."

"Chandler," Monica said, staring at him. She cocked her head to the side. He began to feel uncomfortable under her gaze."Did you take something?"

"No."

"Chandler, please...don't lie to me. I won't tell the others. Just between you and me. Please, did you take something?"

He was silent, thinking of all the pills in the guest room. He couldn't show those to her. She'd leave him and then he'd truly have nothing.

"Yes."

"Oh...Oh, G-d," Monica said.

"It's fine. I have no pills and...I just...I fell off but I'm back on. I swear. Do you wanna come with me?"

"Where?"

"To see Sophie tomorrow?"

"Yeah...and I'm sorry I went with the girls tonight. I should've stayed here."

"No...no...I liked hanging out with Ross and Joey. I missed that," Chandler said. His evening with the guys had been fun but it had made him a little sad as well. In addition to everything else, he noticed Joey and Ross were becoming closer.

"Good. But Chandler-"

"I'm fine. Please."

Monica nodded as they shared a kiss and snuggled close together. Chandler still kept staring off into space as Monica slowly fell asleep next to him. He could soon feel her breath on his neck as she held onto him, her grip on him tight. He was scared. He was on the edge and he had jumped. Maybe this time would be different. He wouldn't keep the pills in his home. He would keep them somewhere else. He'd hide it better.

The next morning, Chandler woke up to hear voices outside the bedroom. Monica had wanted a birthday brunch so he knew who those voices belonged to. He was thankful Monica had let him sleep. He felt awful, his body weighed a ton. He wanted to get away but he slowly got up, his head pounding. He walked out of the room, smile plastered on his face. He looked at Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross as they were eating bagels and drinking coffee. His heart felt like it weighed too much for his body, but he would act, fake it. Make them think he was okay as he walked over to Rachel and Phoebe and planted a kiss on the top of each of their heads.

Awww, you told him," Rachel said.

"Of course," Monica said as she looked at him. He took a deep breath, nodding. They had developed a secret language the two of them. It involved glances and looks that the rest of them didn't get.

"Hey, when I try to kiss you two like that, you punch me," Joey said. Chandler looked at him, thankful for Joey.

"I don't try to unhook their bras when I do it," Chandler grinned as he took a seat next to Monica who gently squeezed his thigh, giving him a kiss.

"Technicality," Joey mumbled.

"Alright, I'm next. Let's make this thirtieth count. I'm the last one," Rachel said.

"Ten more months until Joey is thirty three," Chandler said.

"I'm gonna punch you," Joey said.

"Well, let's not forget my birthday is next month, before Rachel's," Chandler said, only half joking which made Monica glare at him.

"We remember...I have a birthday idea for you though," Monica said.

"You do?" Chandler asked.

"Miniature Golf," Monica said.

"Mon, we're in our thirties," Ross said.

"I know but Chandler had a party at a miniature golf course when he was eleven and apparently it didn't go very well," Monica said.

"I caught my parents having a threesome in front of those windmills," Chandler said.

"Nice," Joey said.

"Okay, we'll do golf for Chandler's and then for Rachel's we will figure something out," Monica said. Chandler wondered why Monica had decided on miniature golf. He remembered that party so vividly. Sophie had felt for him. He remembered all his gifts were left there. She had gone back to get them. His mom never knew but Sophie had gone back. She had been there. He kept thinking of her, lying there. He remembered how Sophie had been the only one who had gone to Chandler's class when his teacher decided to have a class party to celebrate Chandler's birthday. Sophie had come to bring him treats, to hear him tell jokes. His mind was whirling but those thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.

Phoebe's apartment had suffered a fire which left it unlivable and now Phoebe would be living with them while Rachel would be living with Joey. Chandler knew he'd have to get the drugs out of the room and quietly he did. He was amazed no one figured him out. Phoebe, Rachel and Monica had gone shopping to buy some clothes to replace the ones lost in the fire. Joey and Ross were in Joey's apartment playing video games and Chandler poked his head in and said he needed to go to his office, they weren't paying attention so he took the box without anyone noticing and took it to his office and placed it in a locked cabinet that only he had the key to. Being an executive finally paid off, he thought as he put the box in there and pulled out a couple bottles and shoved them in his pocket. Standing there, he took a few more vicodin. He would do it better this time, this time he would do it better.

He was leaving his office, still on a the vicodin high when the call came. He had told Sophie's family to call him if something happened and something had happened. He immediately called Monica and then headed to the hospital. He sat waiting and when Monica arrived he stood and she ran to him. Monica wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

"Where's-"

"I just told Phoebe and Rachel I had a work emergency," Monica said.

"Oh," Chandler said.

"Come on," Monica said, grabbing his hand. "Take me to see her."

"I'm an asshole."

"Take me to see her."

Chandler nodded as he lead the way, the vicodin high had vanished quickly. He wanted to get wasted, he wanted to not feel what he was feeling. He had let so many people down. When they walked in, Sophie looked even smaller and she was sleeping. Her husband was there and after a few brief words, let Chandler and Monica be alone with Sophie. He walked over to Sophie's bedside.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"This isn't your fault," Monica said.

"When I was a kid...I called you the friendship bracelet girl," Chandler said looking at Monica, "I thought you were perfect. You had normal and I would always ask Sophie when I would get to have normal. I never got to have a normal life with parents that didn't engage in threesomes on golf courses or throw ragers in their basement. I wanted normal...it's all I wanted and she always told me to get out...to get away from my past and I cut her out of my life, Mon. The one person who actually cared...who showed up and...she forced me to go to Rachel's New Years Day party. I was gonna watch movies alone all day, but she forced me. Oh G-d...I was petrified. I knew I was the only kid who had taken LSD the night before...and I realized...I didn't know how to play with other kids. I didn't how to be normal. She listened."

Tears were falling down Chandler's face as Monica wrapped her arm around Chandler's waist and held him. She was silent, knowing now wasn't the time to offer advice, to talk. Now was just the time to listen. He stood watching Sophie, watching as she slept, her breathing short and labored.

"You know, I remember that party. I was so excited you were there. Rachel was being so mean and Ross was annoying and I didn't have any friends to play with...so when you came, I thought...I get a friend. I didn't know one day I'd get more than that," Monica said.

"Yeah...you're the friendship bracelet girl. When I was eleven, I spent the summer in Los Angeles...that's where I met Lizzie. She was my first kiss and I told Sophie and she said I cheated on you and she called you my future wife. I guess she was psychic, too."

Monica smiled as she looked up and stood on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. They stood silently and continued watching Sophie until it was time to go. Their other friends kept calling. They were worried and Phoebe was waiting for them at the apartment. They would keep what was going on between the two of them.

He couldn't sleep and he knew Phoebe was up as well. He also noticed Monica was wide awake so he had an idea and asked Monica to make coffee so the three of them could go to watch the sunrise. Monica agreed and Chandler went to knock on Phoebe's door.

"Come in," Phoebe groaned.

"You up?" Chandler asked, opening the door.

"What do you think?" Phoebe asked, Chandler smiled slightly at the annoyed tone.

"Come on. Get up," Chandler said.

"I'm not hungry."

"No, Monica's making coffee. We're going up to the roof to watch the sunrise. The three of us, like we did that one time," Chandler said.

Chandler watched as Phoebe got up and followed Chandler out into the living room. Monica held up a mug. Phoebe smiled as the three walked out, each carrying a mug of coffee. They three shut the door and looked at what was now Joey and Rachel's apartment. They turned and walked quietly up to the roof although the chances of either Rachel or Joey being up at that hour were slim. They stepped out onto the roof and sat side by side with Chandler in the middle, watching the sunrise and drinking coffee.

"Remember when we did this?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah. It's all gone, guys," Phoebe said. "I mean, the movie ticket from our movie...I'll never replace that. My entire life on the streets...I spent a decade there. I know it wasn't always easy but I still wanna hold on to that. It was important for me to hold on to that and I am so grateful for you two. It's just...that's-"

"I get it...really, I do," Chandler said and he did. He got it more than Phoebe knew. The past was disappearing. Everything burned, the past the memories, things and people he had so badly wanted to hold on to or get rid of...it was all vanishing.

"Thank you, Mon...from preventing me from being homeless again," Phoebe said.

"Always. Are we going to watch the Hot Dog movie again?" Monica asked, grinning slightly.

"Yes, we are. We have to. Phoebe is sad, therefore Hot Dog movie," Chandler said, matter of factly and he meant it. He so badly wanted to watch that movie with Phoebe. He wanted to relive that memory. It was such a wonderful memory. Phoebe always talked about how much it meant to her, if she only knew how much it meant to him.

"Thank you, Chandler," Phoebe said as Chandler leaned over and gave her a kiss on the head and then turned quickly to kiss Monica, which made Phoebe laugh .

"Is that your new thing? Every head or shoulder peck means a quick make out session with Monica?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm okay with that," Monica said.

"You know, Pheebs...those ten years on the street, it's still part of you. I spent so much time trying to run away from everything. You can't. It's always gonna be there and maybe you don't have all the stuff anymore, but you still have the stories. Those aren't going anywhere," Chandler said although he wasn't sure he believed what he was saying. He could feel Monica staring at him. He could barely look at her, feeling just ashamed.

"No. No, they aren't. It just feels like a whole chapter of my life just burned. I can't find the ring Duncan gave me or...our wedding picture. It's like I'm officially saying goodbye and I wasn't really ready and it was my grandmother's apartment too. It's the one thing I had from my grandmother. I don't talk to my dad or my sister...I haven't talked to Frank Jr. in awhile or my biological mom. I don't know. I guess it's officially a new chapter," Phoebe said as she let out a sigh. Chandler gently put an arm around Phoebe and another around Monica. Both kissed him on the cheek and snuggled up close to him, watching sun rise up over the city of New York. Chandler thought of Sophie, thought of the past. He had run away from all the pain but he still could face it. Sophie needed him and he wasn't there. It was something he wasn't sure how to face and he felt might just be too painful.


	48. Chapter 48

**April 2000-May 2000**

Something had changed in Chandler when he had seen Sophie. Something broke and he was drinking, a lot. He was boozing far more than when was even taking pills and it began showing. He looked bloated, he hated how he looked but he hated how he felt even more. He felt hollow. Monica kept telling him she was worried, Phoebe who was living with them kept giving him concerned looks. He was drinking in private or trying to keep it secret. He'd go to Pub 2 every single night. He felt so undeserving, though Monica was trying. Everyone was trying. His thirty first birthday was surprisingly fun. They had gone to the miniature golf course and in fact, per Monica's insistence it had been the exact same one that Chandler had had his eleventh birthday they at. They took two cabs to Scarsdale and headed out to play golf. Monica had wanted a do over of his failed eleventh birthday and he found it sweet, but it made him feel almost worse. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve their friendship.

"I'm on Chandler's team!" Joey yelled when they got to the mini golf course, raising his hand. They had decided to split into two groups.

"I'm on Chandler's team too," Monica said.

"But I'm his favorite," Joey said.

"We've discussed this, Joey...no, you're not," Monica said.

"Chandler, tell her," Joey said.

"Sorry, Joe...it's Monica," Chandler said. Monica gave Joey a smug grin before turning around and walking towards the first the hole of the course. Chandler then turned back to Joey mouthed, "just kidding. It's you."

"Wow, you two really are strange," Rachel said, catching Joey and Chandler's exchange.

"Hey, losers...what are you doing?" Monica asked, yelling as she was waiting for them.

"Wait, wait...Monica, I love you...but I don't want to be on your team," Chandler said.

"Why not?" Monica asked.

"Maybe Ross and Monica should be on one team," Joey offered.

"No, I'm not gonna be on Monica's team," Ross said.

"No, no...you get Monica and we get Ross...it's the only way to be fair," Rachel said.

"And because you wanna continue sleeping with me," Monica grinned, looking at Chandler, "you're on my team."

"Damn you, London," Chandler muttered which caused the rest of the group to laugh as Monica playfully smacked him. "Okay, okay...but here's the deal...you've cut off my toe, you scarred me from Pictionary...I will be on your team if you promise not to injure me."

"I can't make that promise," Monica said.

"Monica...love isn't supposed to hurt," Chandler grinned.

"Shut up," Monica laughed.

"Come on, let's play. I've never played," Phoebe said.

The group split up with Joey, Chandler and Monica on one team, Ross, Phoebe and Rachel on the other. Chandler did have fun, for a moment. It was a great do over but he inside, he knew he was spiraling. He was putting on an act. Monica knew as well. He had a bottle of water with him on the golf course, Monica knew. He knew she knew. She looked at him everytime he drank. He had filled the bottle with vodka.

"That's not water, is it?" Monica asked quietly as they watched Joey set up his shot.

"It is," Chandler said.

"Okay...I'm not letting you hit the bottom."

"Mon...I'm fine. I made a lot of good jokes tonight, didn't I?"

"Yeah...that's how I know you're not fine. Too many jokes."

"Alright, oooo...that was good. You're up Mon," Joey said walking back towards them. Monica gave Chandler a look as she stepped up to take her turn. Chandler took another swig of his water bottle.

"That's not water, is it?" Joey asked.

"I'm fine, Joe."

"Fuck...we're gonna do this again?" Joey asked, muttering.

"Leave me alone, Joey."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Joey asked.

"Really, yeah."

Joey shook his head, "you don't get it yet, do you? I'm not letting you die."

"Awww, score. Hole in one. I rock," Monica suddenly yelled, "good job, Monica."

Chandler let out an annoyed sigh, wanting them to just leave him alone. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing meant anything to him. He felt like he was just going through the motions, making the jokes, being Chandler. He was being what they expected, what everyone expected.

Sophie was still sick though and every single day he visited, still racked with guilt. Still feeling like crap. He told her about the golf party. He told her about his job. She listened, didn't say much. Then after visiting Sophie, he'd go to Pub 2 and drink. He'd drink until he was sufficiently drunk. He take a few vicodin, a few oxy cotin to help him. He would come home, reeking. He knew he did, but it didn't matter. He kept to himself and he knew he looked different. He was putting on weight, he looked bad. He began noticing something else too, Monica. Monica was now becoming rail thin, almost scarily so. He was worried if she was up to old habits, worried that maybe she was harming herself but he could never bring it upon himself to ask because if she was, he knew that would be his fault. He was making Monica sick and in a way he felt like he had made Sophie sick. He would spend nights on the roof, drinking and smoking cigarettes wanting so desperately to be somewhere else. He was inflicting too much pain, maybe he needed to be somewhere else.

He knew him as soon as he walked into the fancy hotel where Rachel's parents were throwing her a thirtieth birthday. It was May now, Rachel's birthday and it had been a rough month for Chandler. Every single day had been like a haze. He was watching himself going through the motions of living. He knew he had to stop, quit soon. He wouldn't drink a lot at Rachel's birthday, it was a promise he made to himself. He would only have wine, but then they walked into the ballroom and there he was standing by the food tables. He would never forget what he looked like even though twenty years had passed. Chandler could barely breathe, his face getting pale as he looked at Rick from across the room.

"So, to Rachel...the final one to turn thirty," Ross said as he lifted his glass. The rest followed suit.

"I know, we're all in thirties now guys. How did this happen?" Rachel asked as they all clicked their glasses and drank, Chandler kept looking past Rachel towards Rick. His entire body began hurting.

"Easy. We were all born in the sixties," Chandler joked, feeling so uncomfortable but trying as always to make a joke. He would lighten the situation.

"I have made a major life decision, though," Joey said, "I am now and will forever be...twenty one years old."

"Until eight months from now when you're thirty three?" Chandler asked.

"Your thirties are making you mean," Joey said.

"Whatever you say, old man," Chandler teased.

"Fuck you, asshole," Joey shot back.

The group laughed as they drank. Thank G-d for Joey and his inability to admit his true age. Chandler would make jokes, it was what he did best.

"Please don't drink too much tonight," Monica whispered.

"Are you going to keep your food down tonight?" Chandler shot back, whispering it so only Monica could hear.

"Are you kidding? Don't start with me Bing," Monica said, her voice sounding angry. He pushed her too far. Her eyes growing dark as she glared at him. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry...that...That's Rick," Chandler said.

A change came over Monica, the anger melted into fear as she looked at him. Chandler reached for his wine glass and Monica stopped him.

"Are you serious? Chandler?"

"That man over there," Chandler said, pointing.

"That's Rachel's uncle. Are you sure?"

"Oh, yeah. My ass hurts."

"Please don't make a joke now," Monica said.

"I'm not. That's him. It's been twenty years but I would know him anywhere," Chandler said. Monica gently squeezed his thigh. He was sweating. Terrified. He could barely concentrate as the room began spinning. He needed to get out of there.

"Hey, Chan...you alright?" Joey asked.

"Rach, who's that?" Chandler asked, ignoring Joey. Rachel who had been talking with Phoebe about something turned to look at him. He noticed they were all staring at him, concerned. He felt nauseous. Chandler slowly pointed to Rick.

"Oh, that's my Uncle Rick. He's the best. He's so funny. Chandler, actually, you'd like him. He loves all those old movies and old time comics and stuff. I should introduce you two," Rachel said.

"No," Chandler said. He wanted to leave, wanted to crawl out of his skin and slither away. Monica touched him again, but he felt uncomfortable.

"Chandler, are you okay? You're shaking?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm fine," Chandler said.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked.

"Are you sure that's him?" Monica asked.

"Yep," Chandler said.

"What...tell me? What's going on" Rachel asked.

"Baby, tell 'em," Monica said.

"Not now," Chandler said.

"Tell them," Monica said, grabbing his hand. Chandler looked at Monica and then back at Rachel. He didn't want to discuss this. He wanted out.

"Alright, okay...remember I told you how my mom had a boyfriend who um...when I was like ten, did stuff to me," Chandler said.

"Yeah," Rachel said.

' "That's him," Chandler said.

"Uncle Rick? No, no...he's harmless. He wouldn't hurt anyone. He used to take us out on his boat and stuff and..." Rachel began and suddenly stopped. Chandler knew he probably looked sick as Rachel stared at him, looking concerned.

"I'll talk to him," Phoebe said as she started to get up.

"I'll come with you," Joey said, getting up as well.

"Guys, no. Chandler...come with me," Rachel said.

"No. It's fine," Chandler said.

"Chandler, you're thirty one years old now and six feet tall. I think you're safe. Come on...please come with me," Rachel said.

Chandler let out a sigh, his emotions a mess. He wanted to get drunk again. He wanted to not feel anything. Monica gave him a kiss as she leaned into his ear.

"Want me to come with you?" Monica whispered.

Chandler shook his head as he stood up and walked towards Rachel who was waiting for him. She grabbed his hand and the two began walking towards Rick.

"My ass hurts," Chandler muttered.

"No jokes," Rachel shot back.

"I can't do this."

"I need to know now. I need you to be okay."

"I feel like I'm ten years old. He made my movie theater bad," Chandler said, crinkling his nose a little. "He...he...I don't know...I don't...I-"

"I'm not leaving you," Rachel said. "Even though you seem real intent on leaving us."

Chandler didn't respond as they reached Rick. He stood silently, feeling overwhelmed by the smell of the guy who had made him so miserable, who had destroyed him. Rachel reached towards Rick and touched him. He turned around and smiled which made Chandler's stomach turn.

"Rachel, sweetie...how does it feel to be thirty?"

"Old," Rachel said, "um...Uncle Rick...I-I have a question. This might sound strange...but did you ever date a woman named, Nora...uh...Nora Bing?"

Rick seemed thrown off by the question, "over twenty years ago, why?"

"Um...did you...did you know her son? Chandler?" Rachel asked.

"Oh yeah...that kid was a terror. Why are you asking?" Rick asked.

"'Cause um...this is Chandler," Rachel said pointing at Chandler. Chandler could tell Rachel was about to cry. He could barely speak. He made eye contact with Rick and he could see the flash of anger in Rick's eye.

"What?" Rick asked, looking at Rachel again who could barely control herself.

"Okay...he's...he's told me some stuff...some really disturbing things and...and I...need to know...did you...did...what did you do...to him?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing that he didn't deserve," Rick said, glaring at Chandler. Chandler stepped forward, but Rachel stopped him, gripping him tightly with her hand.

"He was a ten year old boy...what could he...he didn't deserve...that? What could he have possibly done? He was a child," Rachel said, tears now streaming down her face.

"What did you tell her?" Rick asked.

"The truth. I told her what you did to me in our theater...which was my place. I told her everything you did to me in there. I told her how you got a hard on every single time you took me across your knee. I told her how on my tenth birthday, you gave me a hand job. I told her everything you did," Chandler said, trying to hold himself back as Rachel was emotional enough for both of them.

"He lied to you, Rachel." Rick said. "You know as well as I did that never happened."

"I don't believe you, Uncle Rick. I don't," Rachel said.

"I'm family," Rick said.

"No... I've known Chandler for a long time. I know when he's lying and when he's telling me the truth. Tonight he is telling me the truth. I know he is. I need you to leave...how could you do that? He was a kid...and then you would come over our house..wait..wait, his tenth birthday? That was in April? I would have been nine. I remember the boat trip that year. Jill fell in the water because Amy pushed her overboard. You took us in the beginning of April, every year for a boat trip and that year...oh my G-d," Rachel said, shaking as she could barely could control herself.

"What are you talking about? I never did anything to you, Chandler tell her the truth," Rick said.

"I have," Chandler said.

"What's going on?" Dr. Green, Rachel's dad, asked as he approached them. "Why is my daughter crying on her birthday. You're not that old."

"No, dad...Uncle Rick needs to leave or I'm gonna call the police," Rachel said.

"And tell them what? I didn't do anything," Rick said, "and it was twenty years ago."

"What the hell is going on?" Dr. Green asked.

"Daddy, when Chandler was ten, Uncle Rick dated his mom and apparently did some things to him that...that...he did stuff...and..." Rachel said.

"Rick, what's going on?" Dr. Green asked.

"Nothing, I-," Rick said.

"Let's go outside," Dr. Green said as he put his arm around Rick who turned to glare at Chandler as Dr. Green forcefully led him out of the room. Rachel turned to Chandler, looking up at him with her eyes filled with tears. He immediately hugged her.

"Hey, hey...it's alright," Chandler said. "He's gone now."

"No, no...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"This isn't your fault."

"It's just...I didn't know. I didn't...I...I want you to be happy Chandler. I don't want you to die. I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I don't know. I love you and you mean so much to me and it kills me that you don't see that. Please, Chandler. Stop. Whatever you're doing...stop."

Rachel was shaking as Chandler held her in his arms. This terrified him. Sure he had seen Rachel cry. Seeing Rachel cry was as common as seeing the sun, but this was different. He could hear the fear in her voice. He wanted to stop, he wanted to stop so badly. He just had no clue how. He gave her a kiss on the head as he held her. Slowly, they walked back to the table. Chandler noticed Joey had been sitting in his seat. He got up as Chandler and Rachel returned. Monica embraced him as he sat back down.

"I'm so sorry, Chandler," Rachel managed to spit out.

"Rach, it's fine," Chandler said.

"No. I'm just so sorry. I'm sorry that happened...I-" Rachel tried before dissolving into sobs again.

"Rachel, this isn't your fault. Wait, was it Rick?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. Rachel's dad asked him to leave. So did Rach...hey, Rach, I still think you're awesome," Chandler said reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

"I just...I don't like thinking that me or any member of my family caused pain to you, Chandler or to you Phoebe...you two have already been through so much and I just want you both to be happy and I don't like that you were in pain because of something I did or my uncle did," Rachel said, now in hysterics. Phoebe grabbed Rachel's hand.

"Hey, I am happy," Phoebe said.

"I burned down your apartment," Rachel said.

"But your hair looks fabulous," Phoebe grinned which made Rachel laugh as she wiped away the tears from her face.

"I am sorry. Both of you," Rachel said.

"Rachel, listen to me. You are amazing and I am not mad at you and I do not hate you and I very happy to be celebrating with you. You're thirty...and hot," Phoebe grinned.

"I know," Rachel said.

"And Rach...same here. You didn't cause me any pain. Really, if anything...I liked that you were a pain in my ass when we met at camp. It was normal," Chandler said.

"You did peanut butter in my bed...and on my car," Rachel said.

"I wouldn't do it now though," Chandler said.

"Good. Thank you. Thank you, guys. I love you guys so much. Thank you letting me into your group. You're the only people I wanna spend this day with," Rachel said as Phoebe leaned into hug her. Chandler let out a sigh as Monica held his hand. He felt heavy, very heavy.

That night, Monica and Chandler lay side by side in the darkness of their bedroom. He could not sleep, still replaying what had happened at Rachel's birthday. He knew Monica was wide awake but wasn't sure what to say. He knew he had to apologize for what he said at dinner, but he felt like he was in a daze.

"I'm gonna wear my long black dress...with the cap sleeves," Monica said.

"What?"

"To your funeral," Monica said, turning over. Chandler was a bit taken aback by that. He looked at her.

"Excuse me?"

"That's how this is going to end, right? Your funeral? There's nothing I can do...nothing anything of us can do. We've tried so hard to save you. We've tried to show you that we love you...but you don't seem to want to believe that and...I know you had a fucked up life. We saw that tonight, but you have it so good now, but you don't see it, do you? You don't believe it. We're going to end up going to your funeral, aren't we?"

"I'm not dying."

"If you keep this up, you will. You have no clue how much we love you. Oh, screw them...how much I love you. I've lost weight."

"I know. I'm sorry about-"

"Don't...I don't wanna hear it. I want you to be happy. I don't know if that's going to happen and I don't much longer I can hold on Chandler...being with you is too hard."

"Wait, Monica."

"I'm not breaking up with you," Monica said as she gently stroked his face, "I'm too scared to break up with you. I think I finally get Lizzie. She just wanted to save you. I wanna save you," Monica said as she gently stroked his cheek. Even in the dark, he could tell she was worried.

"Monica...I'm okay. I am. I...I'm alright. I'm with you...I'm-I'm glad I saw Rick tonight."

"You are?"

"Yeah...I needed to say something. I'll never get the chance to say anything to Shane, but...it was good to say stuff and I...I don't want you to hurt yourself. I need you. I need you here with me and I'm gonna try to be better."

"Can you try faster?" Monica asked.

Chandler leaned in to kiss her. Monica held him closer as the kissing became more passionate. He loved Monica, being with her made him happy. It filled him with hope. He knew he needed to change, but he wasn't quite sure how.


	49. Chapter 49

**May 2000**

The idea came in the midst of a freak out a few weeks after Rachel's birthday. He had been sitting alone in the apartment, drinking a beer when the phone rang and the machine picked up. It was a lady from the museum that Rachel, Phoebe and Monica had gone to that day. The space was open for the Geller-Bing wedding. For a brief moment, he wondered if in the midst of a drug high he had proposed without realizing it. It all seemed strange and he ran out of the apartment. He ended up racing to the hospital to see Sophie. She was still sick and often she wasn't awake to talk to him, but that day she was.

"She registered?" Sophie asked, her voice low.

"I haven't asked her to marry me...at least I didn't think I have."

"Do you want to marry her?"

"Yes. But shouldn't she wait for me to ask?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, honey...people don't have the time to wait for you."

Chandler let out a snort and shook his head. He was still nervous but maybe he needed to see the place. The Morgan Chase Museum, that's where it was. He took a cab there and walked around. His phone kept ringing but he ignored it. When he was shown the space, he walked over to the spot where he would be standing if he were getting married and looked around him and it hit him, nearly knocked him down. He could see his parents, her parents. He could see Sophie and maybe he could track down Carl the Driver and that old principal of his from elementary school that he had liked. He could see Tyler and his wife. He could see Gandalf. He could see all their friends. He looked behind him and could clearly see Ross and Joey as his Best Men. He made a mental apology to Tyler and Gandalf, although maybe they could be ushers, but Ross and Joey...they had to be his Best Men. He could imagine Phoebe and Rachel, looking stunning in bridesmaids dresses. He smiled at the image. It all felt so overwhelmingly wonderful. Then he could see Monica, her bright smile, crystal blue eyes, pale skin-his type, as Carl the Driver had once teased him about. She was in a long white gown and staring at him. There had been so much in the last few months, he had fallen off the wagon, he was drinking heavily, his friends were getting fed up with him, Sophie was dying, he had a run in with Rick and Monica was already planning what she was going to wear to Chandler's funeral. No, no. That's not how his story was supposed to go. For the first time in thirty one years, that was not how he wanted his story to go.

"Crap," he muttered, "I'm getting married."

There were rows of chairs set up for a wedding later that day, so he took a seat. He prepared himself to freak out more but instead came a calm. He wasn't drunk, wasn't high...he was actually happy. His phone rang again and this time, he reached into his pocket to pull it out. He grinned. It was either Phoebe or Monica.

"Hello?"

"Where are you? Monica's looking all over for you," Phoebe said.

"I'm...I'm at the Morgan Chase museum," Chandler said, knowing how to calm Phoebe. Phoebe was the only one who he could trust with this information.

"Why?"

"I'm looking at the space for my wedding," Chandler said and there was was silence on the other end. Chandler's smile grew knowing Phoebe was probably stunned. He wished he could see the look on her face.

"Excuse me?" Phoebe asked.

"I freaked out at first...when I got that message but...I told you a long time ago that I was going to marry her, that Monica is going to be my wife and I will not lose her. Well...it's time."

"Oh my G-d," Phoebe said.

"Here's what I need you to do. Keep Monica calm. Do not tell her you talked to me. I want this to be a surprise. I don't want her to know I'm up to anything. Tell her you haven't talked to me if she asks and then...will you help me pick out a ring?" Chandler asked.

"Yes...oh, Chandler. Wow. I can't believe this and you want me to help?"

"Well, Joey will be no help. He'll probably suggest proposing with a condom ring. Ross is busy and Rachel will probably tell...and it's been a long time since you and I did something together," Chandler said and he so wanted her help more than any of them. Joey probably wouldn't be any help. Ross was busy his new girlfriend, Elizabeth and Rachel would most certainly tell Monica. Phoebe was the only one and the only one he really wanted to help him.

"I would be honored. Oh my G-d. I can't believe this. I am so happy for you and I will not say a word," Phoebe said.

"Thanks," Chandler said as he hung up with Phoebe. He took one final look around the space and he felt excited, genuinely excited. He had never thought he get to this point. He wasn't even sure he knew how to be a husband but before Monica he wasn't even sure he knew how to be a boyfriend. He kinda blamed himself for the fallouts in his relationships with Lizzie, Janice and Kathy. Sure, they had all cheated on him but he knew he had been far from perfect, but Monica was different. He could not imagine his life without her.

His life? G-d, that word held so much weight. He had never put too much weight in that word. He didn't care that much. There had been so many times when he had been convinced that no one would care if he lived or died but for the first time he actually wanted to live...just so he could be with Monica. Before leaving though, he stopped at Pub 2. A few drinks were in order to celebrate this new thought process. He would stop drinking, he knew he'd have to but tonight was a night to celebrate.

Phoebe had driven Chandler to a million different ring stores before he had found the right one. It was the happiest he had felt in a long time. He could not stop staring at that ring. Phoebe had helped him. He would never forget that. He was so happy, he even sat in the front seat as Phoebe drove back to the apartment.

"I'm gonna do this," Chandler said, he couldn't take his eyes off the ring.

"You are. Wow...you're a grown up."

"I know. G-d, Phoebe. I love her so much."

"I know you do."

Chandler smiled as he looked back at it. He closed the box and stuffed it back in his pocket. He looked over at Phoebe who was strangely calm behind the wheel. He actually felt safe in her car which was a first. She seemed sad though, staring ahead. He knew she was probably upset with him again. Phoebe was always so worried about him.

"You know...I know I've been drinking too much lately," Chandler began, "I've been worried and then at Rachel's birthday when I saw Rick and then Rachel just melted down like that, something just switched. I can't...I can't...I want to be happy. I really do and I wanna let go of all that stuff and maybe proposing will do it. I know Monica makes me happy. I don't know why I can't just...move forward."

"You are. The one thing all of us want is for you to just be happy."

"I'm not sure I know how," Chandler said. It was the truth. He did want to stop the drinking, he looked like shit. He was bloated and sick looking. He wanted to stop with the pills.

"Maybe this is a start...just please stop hurting yourself. Okay? Know that you're not gonna find five other people who love you as much as we do," Phoebe said.

"I know."

"But...Chandler...I...I can't...I will come to your wedding, but I'm not gonna come to your funeral."

"What?" Chandler asked, a little stunned at that.

"It would be too hard. I owe so much to you and I love you so much...and it kills me that you're forcing us...that forcing me to watch you die. I don't...please...just get well," Phoebe said, glancing over it. It hit him so hard. He wondered if Phoebe knew Monica had already thought of clothes to wear to his funeral.

"Do you all think like this? That I'm going to die?" Chandler asked.

"I know we're all scared. We all see it. Rachel said it once, she said the six of us are like a house of cards. If one of us leaves, the house is destroyed. You leaving would destroy us."

His heart beat faster at that. He so badly wanted to stop all this. He wanted to make things good again, get back to his regular self. He knew what Phoebe was saying was true. Maybe it would be better now. Maybe proposing would be what it took. He would get married. They would be attending his wedding, not funeral.

Richard. It was Richard's fault. Of course it was his fault, he was at the restaurant the night Chandler wanted to propose. It was too good to be true. Monica would go back to Richard. She had even called his name at the restaurant, called him to sit with them. She wouldn't have done that if she had actually loved Chandler. Perhaps she no longer did. It was too hard to be with him. She was already picking out funeral clothes.

"She called Richard over?" Gandalf asked. Chandler was sitting in Pub 2 with Gandalf and Tyler. He couldn't complain about this to Joey or Ross. He wanted to complain to someone, so he called them. Chandler nodded as he drank from his vodka filled glass.

"I was just about to propose...and she...and you know her brother and Joey are gonna say shit and be like you don't understand...I just...I...she gonna dump me. She gonna dump for the Richard cause he has mustaches," Chandler slurred.

"Dude, go easy on those vodkas," Tyler said.

"I think he needs more," Gandalf said.

"I'm gonna just drink till I die. Monica's gonna come to my funeral. She already has an outfit," Chandler said. His phone went off and he fumbled for it in his pocket. He held it up, squinting at the numbers flashing on the screen. He wanted nothing to do with any of them.

"Another vodka over here," Gandalf said.

"I think he's had enough," Tyler said.

"The man just got dumped," Gandalf said.

"I did?" Chandler asked.

"He didn't get...hey, I'm gonna be right back," Tyler said as walked off towards the outside. Chandler watched him leave and then turned back to Gandalf who was handing him another vodka which he accepted.

"My life is a mucking fess...fucking...I...okay...I'm fucked," Chandler moaned as he drank. He had ruined everything, destroyed everything. Sophie was dying, Monica would go back to Richard and his friends would probably leave him. He would have no one, except maybe the drink in his hand.

Chandler was in Joey's bed with no clue how he had gotten there. He woke up in complete darkness, feeling sick. He looked around and in the darkness could see the Scarface poster Joey had on his wall, the moonlight from Joey's window illuminating. His head pounded as he looked over at the clock. It was four am. He looked around the room and he was alone. He slowly got up, his legs feeling shaky. He had a bottle of pills in his pocket, he'd take one. As he stumbled out, he saw Joey lying on the couch, asleep. He still was confused as to how he had wound up there. He decided not to wake Joey up though and instead left and snuck across the hall back into his apartment. As he walked towards his room, he noticed Monica on the couch. His heart dropped. Had she been waiting for him? He walked towards her and knelt down in front of her, gently shaking her. She opened her eyes and stared at him, sadness pouring forth.

"Tyler called Joey. Joey went to Pub 2 and he and Tyler brought you home and upstairs...they put you in Joey's room. Then they came here...Rachel, Phoebe and I were talking about Paul. They said they put you in Joey's room because they thought I'd be upset. I don't know. The logic didn't make sense. I stayed here. I wanted to wait for you to come. I don't know how much longer I can do this but I don't...I'm too scared to give up on you. I can't give up on you...but you make it hard to keep loving you."

"Please don't break up with me. Please...I...I wanna...please I don't...I..." Chandler's eyes filled with tears as Monica grabbed his hand. She leaned into kiss him as she slowly got up. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. They walked towards the bedroom and walked in, Monica crawled into bed and Chandler lay next to her, holding her as tightly. He couldn't lose her, somehow he'd stop but he knew he'd definitely have to take some vicodin later or else just to help with the hang over.

He woke up the next morning, alone. He looked around wondering where Monica was as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of vicodin. He poured some into his hand and looked over to see that Monica or someone had left a glass of water for him. He swallowed the vicodin and waited for the pills to work. He got up and walked towards the door, as he did, he heard their voices. They were discussing him, the girls were. He stood on the other side of the door, listening.

"Do we have to have an intervention? What do I do? I don't what else to do?" Monica asked.

"Give him an ultimatum?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know how much longer how I can hold on," Monica said.

"No, you have to hold on," Rachel said.

"He's making me sick, Rach," Monica said.

"I know...it's just...I don't want him to die," Rachel said.

"Sometimes I do miss Richard. It was easier with him. I didn't get so upset or worried. When it's my turn...you know? When do I get to be happy? We're always trying to make him happy. When do I get to be happy?" Monica asked.

Chandler's heart fell to his stomach as he slid to the ground, hearing the girls voices. He was destroying everything. Maybe he needed to leave. Maybe Monica was right...he wasn't sure. He walked back to his bed and lay there. He had become a horrible person or maybe it was always who he was. He was horrible.

The plan was stupid, he should have known. Throwing Monica off course so that marriage was the last thing on her mind when she was already fed up with him...it was so ridiculously dumb. Yet he and Joey had somehow thought it was perfect. Joey had not mentioned the fact that he had helped Chandler when he saw him, instead they talked about marriage proposals and maybe trying to figure out a way to make it all up to Monica. He would throw her off course and then in a big romantic gesture, propose. It backfired when Chandler found out that Richard had told Monica he was still in love with her. He went in search of Monica and found that she had been at Richard's. He was going to lose her. Chandler knew it but he couldn't. He could not lose Monica. He couldn't have her leave him. He had let Lizzie leave, let Kathy, let Janice...he had never fought for them and they left. He never thought they were worth fighting for, but Monica was different. She was worth fighting for. She was it.

After searching all over for Monica, he went back to the apartment where he saw Joey. Joey looked at him, a sad look in his eye and told him the news. Monica had left. She had gone to her parents. Chandler could feel something punching him in the chest. He had lost everything. Everything was gone.

"I screwed this up," Chandler said.

"I am so sorry," Joey said.

"I can't-I can't-I...I..."

"Call her, talk to her."

"Fuck...I'm an asshole. I fucked this up. Best thing to ever happen to me in my life and I fucked this up," Chandler said, his voice tightening as he turned to open the door, his plan to drink himself into a coma. As he opened the door though, he found candles lit everywhere and in the middle stood Monica. He looked back at Joey who was now grinning, he had to hand it to his friend, Joey had him fooled indeed. He turned back to Monica who was staring at him.

"You wanted it to be a surprise," Monica said.

Chandler could barely speak as he looked back at Joey who backed out of the apartment, still grinning. When the door closed, Chandler walked towards Monica.

"Oh my G-d."

"Chandler..." Monica said as tears filled her eyes. She knelt down to the ground and looked at him. His eyes widened. Was she going to propose to him? She started to talk, but she could not stop crying and he did not want her to propose. He needed to take control, he needed to do this. He knelt down as well.

"Let me do this. Monica..I...okay, look...I've messed up a lot in my life. I've let things go without for fighting for them because they were never worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for. You are worth living for and you make me happier than I ever thought I could be...more than I thought I deserved to be. You are the reason I am here. You are the reason I am never leaving. You are the best part of my life and I will do...if you let me...I will do my best to make you has happy as you make me. Monica Geller, will you marry me?" Chandler asked as he pulled the box out of his pocket and opened it. Monica could barely speak, she kept nodding.

"Yes," she managed to squeak out as he gently slid the ring on her finger. The two immediately embraced. She looked at him, tears still falling and kissed him again. "I love you."

"You have no idea how much I love you. You're it for me, Mon. You're it. There's no one else."

"You're it for me too," Monica said.

"Better that Richard?"

"Why?" Monica asked, giving him a look.

"'Cause I love that look...that look you give me like I'm crazy. I love riling you up, making you laugh...I love just being near you."

Monica smiled as she kissed him again. They held on longer until there was a knock at the door and Joey begging to be let in. Monica and Chandler both laughed as they stood up and told the others to come in. Rachel, Phoebe and Joey ran in as Monica announced they were engaged. They all hugged each other, a big group hug until they realized Ross wasn't there. They would need to call Ross...and start celebrating.

"I think we have champagne at my place and I'll call Ross," Joey said as he walked towards the door.

"Thanks, Joey," Monica said as Joey walked to the door.

"Actually, Mon," Chandler said, "do we have Red Bull in the fridge?"

"Yeah, why?" Monica asked.

"I think I'm gonna give up drinking," Chandler said. He smiled as he noticed Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Monica staring at him.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...I think I should...I...I found someone worth stopping for," Chandler said looking over at Monica who looked about ready to melt.

"Wait...I wasn't worth stopping for?" Joey asked.

"Get the hell out of here," Chandler said.

"Alright, I'll call Ross," Joey said, laughing as he walked out of the apartment. Rachel walked over to Chandler and immediately hugged him. Monica grabbed a Red Bull from the fridge and walked over to him. She handed it to him and gave him a kiss.

"Wait, don't drink it yet," Phoebe said, grabbing six champagne flutes from one of the cabinets. She placed them on the table and reached for Chandler's Red Bull. He handed it to her and she poured it into one of the flutes and handed it back to him. "You can still drink it fancy."

"Thanks," Chandler said as he drank. Monica wrapped her arm around him. It would be different this time. It would have to be. He had Monica.


	50. Chapter 50

**February 2001**

He had tried so hard to be clean. So hard to be good but it had lasted a week after he and Monica had gotten engaged. Monica had gotten so involved in planning that he could often disappear without really being noticed. Sure there had been a brief argument when Monica had tried to get him to use his trust fund money to pay for the wedding. He had tried to put his foot down and Monica would have none of it. He ultimately ended up meeting with the accountant to move some money around to make her happy, a move that ended making Monica feel bad. She had felt horrible after forcing him to do that, finally understanding what the money was for but he wanted to make her happy, he'd let her take control and plan the wedding. He stepped back into the shadows and that made it so easy. Everyone became caught up in their own lives and Monica especially was planning every aspect of that wedding. He gave Monica the list of people he wanted at the wedding and then let her go.

He had fallen completely off the wagon a mere week after the after the engagement and for the past nine months had been living a double life completely. He would show up just enough to let everyone know he was there but then he'd vanish. His weight had plummeted again but he made sure that he didn't look so sickly thin, but he still thought he looked sick nonetheless. He still tried desperately to hide everything. He'd leave work early to meet up for drinks with Gandalf. It would usually be Gandalf. Chandler knew Tyler would tell Joey. He secretly hated that. Joey and Tyler seemed to be in some sort of cahoots, whenever he'd drink too much or take a pill, Tyler would tell Joey and Joey would get mad. Gandalf kept it to himself. So he and Gandalf would go out, hit the bars, drink and then as always an hour before he would stop so he could sober up. He'd take a pill to help and then head back to Central Perk, to the group to listen as Monica talked about the wedding, Rachel talked about her new assistant, Tag and everyone else was just going on with their lives, not paying all that much attention to him or so he thought. He felt he was being so stealth, so secretive. There were moments where he thought he had been found out, when the others would ask if he was okay or give him worried looks but he brushed those off. As long as he hid it, he was fine.

And then just like that, he wasn't so much fine. He knew he should have said no. It was Phoebe's thirty third birthday and they were going to have dinner. Gandalf had talked him into hitting some bar uptown. He had told Gandalf he couldn't because he had to be at dinner at six. Gandalf had told him it wouldn't matter if he showed up a little late. It would only be a couple hours. Chandler had been roped into it, it seemed. He had left work at four, met up with Gandalf and the drinking began and with the drinking, he'd down more pills. They were taking cabs to bars he had never been too. Chandler kept saying he had to go home, Gandalf wasn't quite listening and Chandler soon gave in, having fun. They wouldn't mind, he thought. He'd show up a little late but around six thirty the phone calls began. They kept up but he couldn't answer the phone. He knew it was them and he started to get scared.

"They call a lot,"Gandalf said as they were at a bar near the meat packing district, both drunk as they downed some more vodka shots. He was getting nervous.

"I should go home."

"So what? You're a little late. Just say something came up."

Chandler nodded as the drinking increased. He soon turned off his phone, each ring feeling like a judgment of some sort. He would figure something out and as it got closer to midnight, he knew he'd have to think of something good. He had to think of something to say. He had many missed calls on his phone, many voicemails and they were all asking where he was.

He stumbled towards his building at a little after eleven. He took a deep breath, praying they wouldn't be too upset. Maybe he was working late? He lost track of time? There was an emergency? He would think of something. He would pretend nothing had gone wrong. When he reached apartment 20, his heart beat wildly as he slowly turned the knob to open the door. As he stepped inside, all eyes were suddenly on him. Rachel, Joey and Phoebe were on the couch. Ross was standing by Monica, the phone clutched tightly in her hand. He had to think of something, anything. Perhaps a joke would do. He had done nothing wrong, at least not to them.

"Hey, guys what's up? What's wrong? Who died?" Chandler asked, hoping they would laugh. He was clutching his briefcase while they all stared at him. Then Joey stood up, Chandler watched him as his face seemed emotionless. Chandler's gut told him to run but he stayed put which proved to be a mistake as suddenly he felt a flash of pain. Joey had punched him, hard. Chandler fell back, dropping the briefcase to the ground as he grabbed his nose. Joey barely looked at him as he walked out the door.  
"What the fuck was that about?" Chandler asked, although he knew. Inside he knew. He had fucked up again. Joey had never actually hit him before, he was positive he deserved to be punched in the face by Joey many times over their years of friendship, but Joey had never actually done it.

"I'll be right back," Phoebe said, getting up and walking out of the apartment without even looking at Chandler. He had pushed too far. Chandler looked over at Monica who was still staring at him. She lifted up the phone, ready to throw it at him. He was terrified. Rachel still remained frozen on the couch, staring at him, her face just expressionless. It stunned him a little that she wasn't crying. Monica was crying. Suddenly, he felt something hit him. Monica had thrown the phone at him, hitting him in the arm. This was going to be a long night.

"Monica," Chandler started.

"No, no...no, no more...no, I can't...I can't do this Chandler. I can't," Monica said as tears began streaming down her face, he watched in horror as she took the ring off her finger and proceeded to throw that at him too. Instead it fell to the ground, making a faint clinking sound on the floor.

"Monica, listen to me-"

"Where the hell were you?" Monica asked, shaking. He had never seen her this upset. This was a whole new level of upset. It was as if Monica and Rachel switched bodies.

"I was...I was out," he sputtered.

"Fuck you," Monica said as she began to charge towards him, only to be held back by Ross.

"Monica, wait..." Chandler said.

"No, no...this is over Chandler. I'm done. I'm not marrying an addict. I'm not...I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to do this. Let go, Ross," Monica said.

"You can't hit him," Ross said.

"I won't...let me go. I can't...I have worked so hard. I have done so much, I cannot do anymore. I've lost fifteen pounds. I can't...you're killing me, Chandler. You're actually killing me. I thought...I thought you were dead. I can't...the wedding is off. I can't do this, I can't," Monica cried as she wrestled free from Ross' grip and stormed into her room, slamming it shut behind her. Chandler looked at Ross and Rachel who were still staring at him. His brain was clouded, his mind hurt. He was losing Monica. He had lost her, completely. He had also seemingly lost Joey.

"When are you going to grow up?" Ross asked.

"Ross," Chandler said.

"No...no...what the fuck? Joey and I drove around the entire city looking for you. Monica called hospitals, she called the police. Eight hours dude, eight hours you go missing...without a call. Why do you want to die so badly and why are you forcing us to watch you die?" Ross asked, his voice monotone.

"You know what...I'm done too. I can't...I'm gonna go check on Joey and Phoebe," Rachel said as she stood up.

"Rachel," Chandler said.

"I've had enough. I can't do anymore. I can't...you were wanted here tonight. It's Phoebe's birthday and you were nowhere. I don't care where you were, really. Just that you weren't here. You seem so intent on pushing us all away...for what? I haven't a clue but congratulations, you did. You pushed us away," Rachel said as she walked out, slamming the door shut.

Chandler could barely breathe. He had never seen his friends act quite like this. Monica in hysterics, Rachel in a monotone, Joey violent and Phoebe didn't even yell at him. His brain felt clouded as picked the engagement ring off the ground and walked towards the table. He sat and stared at it. It was over. He was at the end. He needed to stop, every fiber of him was telling him to stop. Ross walked over him and sat with him.

"How long?" Ross asked.

"How long what?" Chandler asked.

"Have you been off the wagon? How long have you been lying to us?" Ross asked.

"I fell off the wagon February or April of last year."

"Okay, then you said you would stop drinking when you got engaged. Was that a lie?" Ross asked.

"Yeah."

"So you've been lying to us for nine months?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you hate us so much? What did we do?" Ross asked.

"I don't hate any of you."

"Sure seems like it. We've all worked hard to prove to you that we like you. Rachel kicked her own uncle out of her birthday party because she was so upset about what he did to you. Phoebe thinks the world of you. Joey considers you his brother-"

"I think you two are closer now, right?"

"No..I'm not...but look, okay, this is...this isn't you screwing around with Lizzie or Janice or Kathy...this is my sister. You're fucking around with my sister this time so here's the thing...get your act together or get the hell out of here."

Chandler looked at Ross, his entire body felt numb. He was losing everything, at that moment, everything was vanishing in front of him. He had let everything spiral. While trying to think of something to say, Monica opened the door, staring at him and then at Ross.

"Ross, can Chandler stay with you?" Monica asked.

"Monica," Chandler said, standing up.

"No, it's over. I want you out of my life. The wedding is off. I cannot...you wanna go kill yourself, go for it. You're doing a fantastic job, but I refuse to let you bring me down with you," Monica said.

"No, no...Mon," Chandler said walking towards her. Her face bright red as she was shaking, "can we...please let's-"

"How long have you been boozing and doing drugs? Do not lie to me. I am not in the mood."

"Over a year," Chandler said.

"So you didn't quit after we got engaged?" Monica asked.

"No."

"Get out. Just go...get the fuck out," Monica said.

"No, please listen to me...Monica...you can't...I want you," Chandler said, his voice choking up.

"Where were you tonight?" Monica asked.

"I-I had...gone out drinking with Gandalf," Chandler said.

"Was your phone working?" Monica asked.

"Yes," Chandler said.

"So you got all our calls?" Monica asked.

"Yeah."

"Hmmm...screw you," Monica said, as she turned on her heel and walked back in the room, slamming the door shut behind her. It was over. It was all over, his heart dropped as he stood facing the closed door. He reached down to the door knob and turned it only to realize it had been locked. The lock had been a new addition to that door which they had gotten when they first moved into together so when they wanted privacy from everyone else, they could get it. Now he was regretting it as he turned the door handle and pounded on the door.

"Please, Monica...open up. I...I won't..."

"You wanna come over or-" Ross said.

"I'm not leaving Ross," Chandler said, not turning to face him. "I'm not leaving. I'm not letting this end. It can't end. I'm staying until she talks to me. I'm not letting this end. Monica, please...talk to me."

"Chandler-" Ross said.

"Get out of here, Ross," Chandler said. "I'm not...I don't wanna ruin this. I-I-I can't-"

He finally turned to look at Ross who was still staring at him, concern on his face. He was losing control. Control that he wasn't sure he had ever had.

"Where are the drugs?" Ross asked.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"They're not here. We all looked. Where are you keeping them."

"My office."

"Okay."

"I screwed everything up."

"You did. Come on, man...you're going to be thirty two years old. Haven't you had enough?" Ross asked.

Chandler couldn't speak. He had pushed them too far and he wanted them back. He had always figured it wouldn't matter. He could push and they wouldn't care but those five, G-d, he loved those five. It's what he had wanted his whole life, friends. Friends that mattered, friends that lasted longer than a summer or a school day. He had it, finally and yet it just all seemed so fleeting. They had given up on him and that killed, they could not give up on him.

His life had been filled with choices and so many times he had chosen the wrong one. He should not have gone out drinking, should not have lied, should not have pushed everyone away. He had hurt the only person who had meant anything to him. The one he wanted so badly. He would do anything for her, anything to make her happy and he failed.

After Ross left that evening, Chandler stepped onto the balcony to clear his thoughts. It was February in New York and still cold out. He was only wearing a long sleeve shirt and could see his breath in the night air. The cold seeped through, chilling his bones, hurting his lungs but he did not care. He could see his life flash through his head as it he was in a movie of his own. His favorite movies had always been the happy ending kinds. Boy gets girl. World is saved. Everything wrapped up in a neat lovely package. Why could his life not have the same happy ending?

He thought of those five once again, their faces appearing in his head. A forgotten birthday aside, they had never given up on him. He imagined not being near them, being away, shunned and he couldn't do it. He imagined living without having Joey to play with , a world without Phoebe's laugh, Ross' lectures or lunches and gossip with Rachel...a world without Monica. G-d, why couldn't he let them know, why couldn't he show how grateful he was. His body was becoming numb to the cold as he felt his cheeks becoming wet. Tears were starting to fall. He needed to stop. This needed to end. He could not keep going on this way. He did not want to die, he wasn't ready to die. He wasn't ready to give up. Phoebe had said she would not attend his funeral, it would be too hard. That pain, that horror in his friends faces...it had to stop.

He wasn't sure how long he had been there but soon he was not alone. Phoebe had stepped out onto the balcony and was standing by him. He was staring at the ring he had given Monica, not speaking. Phoebe was amazing, G-d, he loved her even if she kept getting pissed at him. He loved that laugh most of all, his favorite thing in the world, his favorite sound. He wanted to make her laugh like that again. He used to make her laugh all the time. He missed it.

"Why are you making this so hard?" Phoebe asked,"Joey actually said to me that you're making it too hard for him to want to be your friend. Rachel wasn't even crying when she walked back into the room. Why are you making it so difficult to be your friend? I'm so tired, Chandler. I am so sick and tired of trying to convince you that we love you and that we're your family. I always say you and I are a lot alike, but we're not. I didn't have family so I took what I could get and held on to them for dear life. Monica...Marjorie...Lowell...Duncan. It didn't matter. If they were going to love me and accept me, I was going to take it. Even if it would end as it did with Duncan, I'd still take it. You keep pushing us away and I don't get that. Why? And now...you're gonna lose Monica and Joey? Joey just punched you in the face. Joey? The man who couldn't even bear to deck you when you slept with one of his sisters, punched you in the face and I can't...I don't know what the hell you're doing Chandler, but please stop. You were missing for eight hours today and you never bothered calling us. Monica called the cops and Joey and Ross drove around the city looking for you...please tell me when it will be good enough. This is my birthday, Chandler. This is the third birthday of mine you've ruined and I don't know how much longer I can be your friend if you keep this up."

Eight hours. Phoebes words sunk in. When Shane had beaten him up, he had been on the floor of the locker room for eight hours. No one had looked for him. When he had taken the LSD tablet, no one had looked for him. No one had cared whether he lived or died. Those five had looked. They cared. They kept caring. He couldn't do it and suddenly the cold overtook him. He felt broken. Chandler looked at Phoebe, his eyes glistening with tears. This needed to end.

"Help me," Chandler said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" Phoebe said.

"Help me."

"How?"

"I don't know but I can't do this on my own. I need help, Phoebe. Joey Tribbiani punched me in the face," Chandler said, the tears could not stop falling. Joey who had never been violent towards him ever, who constantly told him he was never going to let Chandler die had now reached his breaking point.

"Yeah, he did."

"He doesn't wanna be my friend anymore?" Chandler asked. Joey had said that before, when Chandler had stupidly kissed Kathy but this felt permanent. This felt real. His friendship with Joey meant everything to him. Joey was his brother, his best friend. The others joked that Joey and Chandler were unnaturally close. Monica had even once commented that she knew she was dating a man who was already in a relationship. He could not lose Joey.

"Not at the moment. You're pushing him away and you're pushing Monica away. Is that what you want?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler shook his head as the tears began falling down his face. It was so far from what he wanted. He had always figured they would leave, thought they would get fed up but he never really gave much thought to how scared he would be if they actually did. He could not lose them. They could not leave him. Phoebe stepped forward and hugged him. He grabbed hold of her jacket, burying his face in her shoulder. He was shaking, his lungs hurt, his bones, every part of him. This needed to stop. He looked at her, still crying. He was melting down, melting like the slushy snow on the ground six stories below.

"I need help, Phoebe. It's not working. My life plan...it's not working. I don't wanna lose Monica...or Joey...or you. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Phoebe said nothing to him as he continued crying. He had no words left. She kept her arms firmly around him. He could barely speak. Had he ever cried like this? Completely broken down like this? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't stop.

"Hey...what's...what's going on?"

Chandler lifted his head from Phoebe's shoulder to see Monica step onto the balcony. Phoebe turned as well, still holding on to him.

"Chandler just asked for help," Phoebe said.

"He did?" Monica asked.

Chandler broke from Phoebe's hug and walked towards Monica, grabbing, holding her. He was pretty sure he was holding too tightly but it didn't matter. She was too thin. He had caused her to be sick. He had not made her happy, broken his promise.

"Please, Monica. Don't leave me...please. I screwed up. I'm sorry. I can't have you leave me. Please. I've wanted you for so long. I can't lose you. Please help me. Please," Chandler said. He kept staring at her. Monica had been through the fire with him, she had been through so much and she deserved to have her turn. He wanted it always to be her turn. He kept staring at her as she nodded and wrapped her arms around him. He could feel her lips press against his head. They were going to be alright. He heard Phoebe whispers something about going inside. He looked up to watch Phoebe to step back into the apartment and immediately turned back to Monica.

"I'm not going to leave," Monica whispered into his ear.

"I will make this better. I will...I need help, Mon. I don't know how to fix this and I don't wanna make you sick and-and-I don't want Joey to stop being my friend," Chandler cried. Monica let out a snort as the sides of her mouth turned up.

"Joey's not going to stop being your friend."

"He said he didn't want to be my friend anymore."

"He's upset...believe me, Joey loves you more than I do," Monica grinned which made Chandler laugh a little.

"Oh, look...you're laughing."

"What the hell am I doing?" Chandler asked.

"Getting better. I can't do this again. This is the last time. I can't go through this. It's too hard and I love you too much and if you can't see what an amazing man you are then I can't keep figuring out ways to show you."

"Marry me. Just be my wife...be my future. Without you, I have no future...I have no present and I refuse to make you my past. Marry me."

Monica nodded again as she held her hand up and Chandler slid the ring onto her finger. They continued to hold on to each other until the cold forced them inside. They walked back to their room. Chandler took off his jeans and slowly crawled into bed with Monica. He held her close to him, kissing her neck. He closed his eyes as he still held her. It was the best sleep he had had in a long time, everything felt so clear. He knew what he needed to do.

Soon, Chandler woke and saw Monica still sleeping next to him. Light filled the room as he kissed her. His head was hurting from the night before but he knew what he needed to do. He reached over Monica towards the phone. He stared at it, knowing he needed to make this call. He looked over at Monica again. He shook her a little, waking her up. She looked at him through half opened lids and smiled at him.

"What?"

"I need Richard's phone number," Chandler said, staring at the phone.

"Why?" Monica asked.

"I just do."

"I don't-"

"Monica."

Monica nodded as she slowly gave him the number. He wanted to make a joke about how easily it was for her to recall the number but his mind felt too heavy, too clouded. When he put the phone up to his ear, he waited and when Richard answered, his heart began beating wildly.

"Hi, Richard. It's Chandler...I'm fine...no, actually, I'm not fine. Um...okay...remember when you gave me that number for the guy. Do you have it? I need it...yeah, I know. I have a problem...thank you," Chandler said, closing his eyes. He could feel Monica's hand on his thigh. He opened his eyes to see Monica holding out a pen and paper. Another joke in his head about how it was a good thing that Monica had a pad and phone pen so readily available. Instead he wrote the number down, "thank you, Richard." Chandler hung up the phone and dialed the number on the pad. A woman answered the phone and he took a deep breath, "hi...I'm Chandler...Bing...I need help. I'm an addict...Prescription pills and alcohol. I can't stop and I need to stop...'cause I can't afford to lose everything. Help. I'm sorry, I don't how to do this."

Chander's hand shook as he wrote down the information for the rehab clinic. When he hung up, he looked at Monica who was now crying. She smiled at him as kissed him.

"I have never been more proud of you in my life," Monica said.

"I'm gonna get help. I'm gonna be a good husband."

"I've never doubted that."

"I don't know how to beat this. I don't know what I'm doing or how to stop. I just know that if you left me...that's it. My world would be over."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Good. So...do you think Joey will be my friend again?" Chandler asked. Monica looked at him and let out a laugh. She kissed him again as he turned to kiss her wrapping his arms around her, their bodies intertwining as the heat between them intensified. He would keep his promise this time. Last night, he had broken down. He had screwed it all up and now, now he had to be okay. He had no other choice.

When they emerged from their bedroom, they were not surprised to see Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross already there. They were sitting at the table eating breakfast. He loved that, truly. That they were always there, all of five of them. It had been a long time since he had truly alone.

"Hello, guys," Monica said.

"We were gonna get you two but we thought you were busy," Phoebe said.

"What were you two doing?" Joey asked.

"Please don't ask that while I'm here," Ross said.

"Hey, can I talk to you guys," Chandler said ignoring the banter as he walked towards the table, pulling Monica with him. They stared at him as he took a deep breath. He sat down at the table as they all surrounded him. He needed to tell them. "I'm...I'm going to an outpatient rehab thing. I have some issues that I-I don't how to fix and I-I need help 'cause I don't know how to do this on my own and...well okay...I didn't stop drinking or doing drugs after Monica and I got engaged. I fell off the wagon over a year ago and I lied to all of you and...I'm really...I'm sorry. I know I've fucked up. I'm gonna go talk to someone and figure out how to be happy."

He looked at his his hands and back up at the faces of his friends staring back at him. They were all silent as they stared at him. He kept thinking of all those cliches of silences being loud and deafening. Bagels were being left uneaten, coffee undrunk as everyone just kept staring. He nodded slowly, waiting as his lips began to tingle, the joke too close to the surface.

"So...anyone wanna grab a drink and celebrate?" Chandler asked, grinning slightly. He heard Monica next to him letting out a snort as he kept smiling. Soon, the rest of the group began laughing as well. Monica smacked him upside the head as she shook her head.

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Too much serious in twenty four hours. I'd rather make you guys laugh," Chandler said.

"You've never done that before, why start now?" Joey asked.

"Funny...hey, can you guys come with me today?" Chandler asked.

"Where?" Ross asked.

"I wanna introduce you to Sophie. I'm not sure how much time she has left and the one thing she wanted was for me to...for me to have people that would want me. That would be my friends...my family and I wanna show her you guys," Chandler said.

"I liked Sophie. I'll go," Rachel said and the others agreed as Monica walked towards the counter to get some breakfast for herself and Chandler.

"Thanks...'cause she's kinda of the reason I fell off the wagon. Not her personally but I let her down and she was like my mom growing up and I...I wanna show her all of you. She'll be happy," Chandler said.

"Wait, before we go...Bing...do we need to go to your office?" Ross asked.

Chandler let out a snort knowing what Ross was getting at. There were drugs in his office. Ross knew that. That's where he had hid all those pills. He did have to get rid of them and he wasn't sure how he would do that. It would be too tough on Monday.

"Oh, yeah...is that where you've been hiding the drugs, right?" Joey asked.

"Alright, we can stop at my office and Joey can punch me in the face again," Chandler said.

"No worries man, it was a one time thing," Joey said.

"Are we cool?" Chandler asked.

"Always," Joey said.

Chandler smiled at that. Joey meant so much to him. The thought of losing him just made ache. Joey was his brother.

"I don't wanna go to Chandler's office," Monica said as she brought two mugs of coffee to the table, handing one to him. "I don't wanna see what's there...I...it's...it'll just make me upset."

"It's alright, Mon. We got it," Joey said.

"Yeah, we'll clean him out," Ross said.

It was awkward the breakfast. It was strange, so much tension in the air but it would be better. It would have to be. He wasn't sure how much farther he could fall and he really didn't want to find out.

It was dark when he opened his office, completely empty as it was Sunday. He had never been in his office on a Sunday. It was very quiet. He walked in with Joey and Ross behind him and walked towards his desk and sat. He tossed Joey the keys to the cabinet and watched as his friend opened it up. He was nervous as Joey and Ross stared at the bottles of pills and liquor neatly stacked in there.

"Wow..." Joey said.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"You really did fall off the wagon," Ross said.

"I did...hey, before you guys throw everything out. Thank you...and I'm...just thanks," Chandler said.

"Let's dump this stuff," Joey said giving him a smile as he began throwing stuff out. Chandler watched as Joey and Ross scoured his office, as he pointed out hiding places. He was starting to feel sick. He had not had anything to drink in awhile, no pills to cure hang overs. He also felt lucky and guilty. Why did he keep pushing? Why did he keep wanting them all to leave?

After the purging of Chandler's office, the boys met up with Monica, Rachel and Phoebe at the hospital. He was scared to see Sophie, always so scared. He wasn't sure if it would be the last time. She had been in the hospital so long, in and out for about a year. He walked nervously towards the room, Monica holding his hand. When he walked in, he was happy that she was up. She smiled at him, still looking so fragile and thin.

"Chandler," Sophie said.

"I-I brought my friends. See, okay...Monica you know and...well, here's everyone. Rachel Green, you worked for her parents and-and Phoebe and Joey and Ross...and they're gonna be at my wedding...to well...Monica,"

Sophie smiled weakly as Chandler stood by her, he could feel Monica grab his hand. He wanted Sophie to be okay now. Maybe now, it would all turn around. He had gotten what she had wanted him to have.

"Wow...I'm very happy for you. I remember you, Rachel," Sophie said.

"Yeah...you did parties for my family," Rachel said.

"And she said you were the nicest. I said that was wrong," Chandler said. "But...when you come to the wedding-"

"Chandler," Sophie said.

"No, you'll beat this," Chandler said.

"I don't know," Sophie said.

"Please," Chandler said.

Chandler felt the fear taking over him. He wanted so badly to get a drink, to take something to avoid the pain. He felt the five of them surround him, Monica grabbing his hand. He want this all to just stop.

The withdrawals hit him hard. That night, he was curled up on the floor of the bathroom, throwing up. He felt sicker than he had in a long time, laying there feeling like everything was coming down on him at once. He could hear the rest of them outside the bathroom but he was focused on trying not to die.

"Hey, buddy...you feeling like shit?" Joey asked as he opened the door, staring at him.

"Yeah, just a little," Chandler groaned looking up at Joey.

"Come out of the bathroom, we're waiting for you."

"Okay...hey, Joey...I'm sorry...I-"

"Dude, forget it. I was upset. Just get better this time and I get it."

"Why do you keep coming back? Why do you keep putting up with me?" Chandler asked.

"You're family. I don't give up on family."

"Thanks, Joe," Chandler said he took a deep breath. He needed to get out of the bathroom. He held onto the toilet as tried to stand up. Joey leaned forward to help him stand up. As Chandler walked out, with Joey's help, he noticed Phoebe, Monica and Rachel sitting on the couch and Ross by the television holding a stack of movies.

"So...what do you wanna watch first?" Ross asked.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Pick a movie," Ross said.

"I wanna watch _The Hot Dog Movie_," Phoebe said.

"No, no..._Spaceballs._ _The Hot Dog Movie_ must die," Rachel said.

Chandler smiled as they continued arguing over the movie choices. He shuffled towards the couch with Joey's help. The girls made way for him as he lay down on the couch. Monica covered him with a blanket.

"So Chandler...why do you want?" Ross asked.

"I don't care...anything you guys want. I'm just glad you're here," Chandler said.

"Hot Dog movie," Phoebe grinned.

Chandler really wasn't listening as Ross grabbed a movie and popped it into the VCR. He began shaking a little and starting to feel cold but they all stayed there. They all stayed with him.

"You feeling okay baby?" Monica asked as she stroked his leg.

He nodded as he closed his eyes, while clutching the pillow, "yeah...I just enjoy you guys a lot." He could feel Monica leaning down to kiss him as the movie began. He wasn't really paying much attention. He just wanted to be there, surrounded by them. Sure he felt sick but them being there made him feel just a bit better. He would get through it. He had too.


	51. Chapter 51

**February 2001-April 2001**

That first AA meeting left him feeling numb. He had gone after work and had gone alone. His friends had offered to join him but he felt he had do to this on his own. It had been a rough few weeks. The withdrawals had been tougher than he had ever remembered. He felt sick, like his whole body was shutting down. He had wanted to give up but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't lose them. So he stuck it out and now was starting out patient rehab and attending AA meetings. The first one left him feeling hollow. People told stories that terrified him. People who had truly lost everything and he felt guilty listening them. What had he been so upset about? What had he been trying to destroy? He had people that loved him. People that were waiting for him as the cab pulled up in front of his building after the meeting. Instead of going inside, he peered through the window of Central Perk and saw them immediately, sitting, laughing about something. He loved those five, loved how they stuck with him. He had been so determined, so willing to cut them loose but they refused to cut him loose. Sure, they had gotten close but they hadn't and he wanted them, wanted to be near them. He smiled as he walked in, "hello, children," he said as he walked towards them and kissed Monica before plopping down next to her, "heard any good jokes lately?"

"How was it?" Monica asked as they all looked at him.

"Weird.I'm going back tomorrow night and I have a therapist that I'm going to see-but-I just-sitting there-it was-I've been a very selfish guy and I'm gonna try not to be that anymore. I'm sorry about...everything. I'm lucky and there-there were people there that weren't. That lost everything...people that lost homes and jobs and friends and family. I felt guilty. I mean, I have issues but I have my job, I may not like it but I'm good at it and I still have all of you and Joey's still my friend," Chandler said.

"Always, man," Joey said.

"You know, I could be insulted by that...I'm still with you," Monica argued.

"Yeah, but Mon you knew this going into the relationship with Chandler," Rachel said.

"I know, I know...Jandler first, Mondler second," Monica grinned.

"I'm happy you didn't leave as well," Chandler said, purposely ignoring Monica's dig, "anyway, I mean,.it's what I've always wanted. Friends and I don't know why I can't enjoy it and I'm gonna find that out 'cause...I like you guys," Chandler said.

"We like you too," Rachel said.

"I felt crappy sitting there...like one of those poor, spoiled little rich kids," Chandler said.

"You are one of those poor, spoiled little rich kids," Phoebe grinned.

"Thanks, Pheebs," Chandler said.

"Well, you are...but it doesn't make what you've been through any less painful," Phoebe said.

"Yeah...it was eye opening. It was like Pheebs when you took Mon and I to see where you lived? When you took us to the junkyard...it puts things in perspective," Chandler let out a sigh as he got up, "I'm gonna get coffee. The coffee they serve at AA meetings sucks," As Chandler walked to the counter to place his order, Monica appeared next to him.

"So it went okay?" Monica asked.

"Yeah...I need to figure this out. I don't wanna be so self absorbed anymore. It's your turn," Chandler said as he grabbed his giant mug and took a sip. Much better.

"I love you."

"You have no idea how much I love you," Chandler said.

"I think I have some idea."

"No...it's impossible...I actually love you more than Joey," Chandler said.

"Whoa," Monica said. Chandler laughed as he placed his arm around Monica, led her back to the couch and sat back down. He was drained from the meeting, not quite in the mood to make jokes so he did what he had done throughout the meeting, he listened. As he did that, he really felt like he was seeing the five of them for the first time. He was seeing just how funny and amazing they all were. He noticed how passionate Ross was about the stories he told. He was amazed when Joey began talking about the shots in a particular film he had just seen and intricacies of a particular actor's performance. Joey knew his stuff. He listened as Phoebe talked about the meaning of a song she had heard and he smiled as Rachel said something funny. He was happy to let them shine.

"You're so quiet, it's strange," Monica whispered, gently patting his leg.

"Just taking in how lucky I am," Chandler said.

He felt new, he was starting over. It was work, hard work. Everyday there was a meeting or a therapy session and then there were the cravings. They were strong and his friends did everything they could to make it easier, but he would still crave it. Crave that feeling of being drunk, of forgetting his problems but he was too frightened to give into that feeling. Too terrified to know what would happen if he did drink, would Monica leave him, would the others give up? What would happen? The fear kept him going, kept him moving forward.

It was March now, a few weeks in and he was standing at the doorway of the hospital. He peered into the room at Sophie resting in her bed. He had not visited in a few weeks, the withdrawals had sidelined him and then came the meetings. He kept going, absorbing himself completely in recovery, but now he needed to visit her. He needed to see her. He slowly walked in to the room taking careful steps towards her bed. She smiled weakly when she noticed him.

"I thought you had vanished again," she said.

"No," Chandler said, shaking his head as he sat down beside her. "I...I..nothing."

"Chandler?"

"No. I don't...I..."

"Where have you been?"

"Busy," Chandler said.

"Chandler."

"You'll be mad at me," Chandler said. He did not want to tell Sophie about the drugs, the alcohol, he didn't want her to be disappointed. She had always told him to stay away from the drugs. He had told her he would. He broke that promise, one of many he thought.

"Sweetie, I can't be mad at you. Tell me."

"I...I...I broke a promise. You said..you used to tell me to stay away from drugs. You used to tell me to not drink. I've recently admitted...I'm an alcoholic...and a drug addict."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I...well, in college, I got hooked on prescription meds and I kicked it but I've relapsed two other times. I relapsed about a month ago and I...I haven't visited because I've been going through withdrawals and then well, I've been doing outpatient rehab and therapy. I'm a very bad person," Chandler said shaking his head.

"No, no you aren't," Sophie said as she reached for his hand. He grabbed it, but could not look at her. "Honey, look at me."

"I let you down."

"No, you didn't. Sweetie, you've turned into a wonderful man and I am so proud of you."

He looked up at her. She looked like a frail ghost, her cheeks sunken in. Everything about her seemed so small, so different than what he had remembered.

"I'm still getting married. You're gonna come. You're gonna get better and you're gonna come. Please?"

"Chandler...honey, I don't think so."

"No, please...you will."

"Chandler, I've been in and out of the hospital for years. I'm tired. I wanna go home."

"But...I want...I got everything you wanted me to have...I have friends...I have a fiancee...that you said once I was going to marry which I still don't know how you knew that-"

"Chandler."

"Please don't leave...I don't want you to die. Please, please, you need to get better. You need to hold on."

Sophie said nothing as she squeezed his hand. His eyes filled with tears as he felt himself starting to get nauseous again. He wanted to get a drink, to do something to make this go away. Tears began falling as he stayed there. She had been it. She had been his mom, been much more his mom than his own mother ever had. He felt like a child, scared, alone. His hands shook as he watched her, her eyes soon closing.

He soon left, finding himself outside the hospital. He felt the cold air hitting him across the face. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. He dialed and put the phone up to his ear. He waited until she answered. He hung up and waited. Soon her cab pulled up and out walked Rachel. She walked over to Chandler and hugged him without saying a word. She led him to the cab and got in. Rachel directed the driver to a diner close to the hospital and soon they were sitting across from each other, eating greasy cheeseburgers and drinking sodas.

"This is almost as good as a beer," Chandler groaned as he took a bite. Rachel smiled.

"I bet. Thanks for calling me."

"Monica's at work...and besides, you knew Sophie," Chandler said.

"She's not doing well, is she?" Rachel asked.

"No. I don't think she's gonna make it to the wedding."

"G-d, she loved you. Whenever she'd cater for us...she'd talk with my mom and she talk about this family she worked for that had this adorable little boy. She said you were sweet...after she brought you to our New Years party, I remember hearing her thank my parents for letting you come and that you needed to be around other kids 'cause you were an only child. I remember saying I thought you were weird and she said, no...you weren't weird. Oh...and she catered my Sweet Sixteen and I remember she heard Mindy and I talking about Monica and we were being mean and Sophie pulled me aside and said that there are certain friends that matter and certain friends that don't and Monica matters. That's why I always say, Monica is the only kind of friend that matters...well, Monica and Phoebe. The only kinds of friends that matter...like Joey and Ross in your case."

"Yeah. Sophie told me to stay away from drugs. I let her down."

"But you got off them."

"I guess...it's just...I'm weak. Everyone else can drink. I can't. It's-"

"You're not weak. You're pretty strong."

"I don't know."

"And you know, I was thinking...I have to apologize to you," Rachel said.

"For what?"

"Well, I used to call you an alcoholic loser-"

"Yeah, you did. Guess you were right."

"Awww, well...I apologize for calling you that. I only called you an alcoholic to be mean, not because I actually thought you were one...so knowing that you are one, it was kinda crappy for me to say that. Same with calling you a loser, that was also just to be mean...you're not a loser."

"Not even now?"

"No...not at all. I'm pretty impressed by you, by the way. You're working hard."

"Thank you. G-d, we really were awful to each other back then, weren't we?"

"Yeah. I'm so glad we're friends now. I love you to pieces," Rachel said.

"Same here. I'm gonna be thirty two," Chandler mused.

"That you are."

"I feel fifty."

"You kinda look it," Rachel said.

"Thanks, Rach."

"What? We can still tease each other a little bit. I have an idea, though. Okay, next week...before we get our nails done, come with me to pilates," Rachel said. Chandler rolled his eyes.

"No, why can't you get Phoebe and Monica to do this?"

"Because...you're my gossip buddy and you owe me."

"I owe you nothing."

"Please. You put peanut butter on my car two weeks after I had an...abortion," Rachel said.

"You forgave me because how would I have known. You can't hold that over my head forever."

"Yes, I can...and you said I was dead inside and you wanted me to run off cliff."

"Not gonna lie, still kinda do," Chandler grinned.

"Chandler," Rachel whined.

"Alright, alright...I'll go with you to pilates."

"Good boy. You're doing good, Bing. Don't mess it up."

"I'm trying," Chandler said as he took a bite of his burger. He stared out the window, the hospital was across the street. He kept thinking of Sophie in there, sick. He let out a sigh.

"Have you told your parents?" Rachel asked.

"About what?" Chandler asked, shaking his head.

"About this? About the drugs...and the alcohol."

"No, of course not...no."

"You should tell them."

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"'Cause they're still your parents and they will care. You know Phoebe was telling me about how when we went to Vegas, she and Joey visited your dad and saw his show and he seemed really hurt that you didn't visit."

"He hasn't-"

"They're still your parents. Isn't part of moving on accepting where you've come from? Like it or not...they're still your mom and dad. They still should know."

Chandler let that sink in. He had barely spoken to his parents in years. His mom had known about his first struggle and he wasn't sure how much his dad knew. He wondered if he should tell them anything. Maybe he should? Maybe it would help the healing? Help him move forward?

He had called his mom and asked him to lunch, he had invited Monica to join him. Monica immediately agreed and the two sat side by side waiting for Nora to arrive. He was nervous, kept twirling his fork around his fingers.

"I think what you're doing is good," Monica said.

"Rachel made me."

"I know, but it's good...they should know this."

Chandler nodded and soon Nora arrived at the restaurant, rushing in wearing a tiny pink top and a pair of jeans. Chandler let out a snort. She couldn't cover up, even a little bit.

"Honey, honey, I'm sorry I'm late," Nora said, walking over to Chandler and planting a kiss on his cheek. She turned to Monica and grinned, hugging her. "My future daughter. How are you? I still have to meet your parents."

"Right...ummm...uh...yeah," Monica said. Chandler gave Monica a look. Monica had been very hesitant to introduce her parents to Chandler's mom and while he could be insulted, part of him understood it completely. Nora sat and picked up her menu.

"So, let's order some drinks," Nora said. Chandler's heart dropped as he could feel Monica touching his hand.

"Actually, mom...I'm not going to drink."

"Really?" Nora asked, placing her menu and looking at him.

"Yeah...um...I have to tell you something. You're probably gonna be upset but...I'm in an outpatient rehab clinic. See...wow...you know how I got hooked on the prescription pain pills in college, well that's not the only time...I got hooked again in '97 and then again in...well...about a month ago and I also...I drank too much. I'm an alcoholic too. I'm sorry."

Nora's face fell as she looked at her son. Chandler felt a little uncomfortable under gaze. He didn't know what to said. It felt so strange still to admit that he was an addict. He looked down at his plate.

"Chandler," Nora said.

"No...it's..." Chandler said.

"I really was a crappy mother, wasn't I?"

Chandler looked up, his mom was not angry. Instead, she looked concerned, worried. He grinned slightly, not sure he wanted yet another person to feel bad for what he had done.

"Well, you know...not every nine year old can say they've gotten so wasted that they passed out in their front yard," Chandler said.

"No nine year old should. Oh G-d...and Monica, you've been there with him?"

"All three times," Monica said.

"Thank you for taking care of him," Nora said.

"Of course...I didn't have a choice. I like him too much," Monica said.

"Me too," Nora said before looking back at Chandler, "and you, listen to me, I may not have been the best mother, but I have one child and I sure as hell refuse to lose him."

"You know, when I took the LSD tablet, I was alone all night. You never looked for me," Chandler remarked. His mother had said that before, she had said the words but she had never showed it. He had almost died that night he took LSD. Nora looked at him, cocking her head to the side.

"Because I didn't want to find you dead. I refuse to bury my own child. Okay, maybe I should have looked...but the idea that you might be dead...no, no...I can't...I can't...that thought has never and will never exist for me,"Nora said.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Chandler said, quietly. He felt sad, sitting there. Despite all his mother's flaws, she did love him. She did seem to care for him. The way she said it. It was so blunt. He felt like a kid again.

"Don't worry, Nora...I'll take care of him. I'm not letting anything happen to him," Monica grinned, grabbing his hand.

"Good," Nora said. "And you know...you should call your dad."

"Oh...I don't-" Chandler said.

"You know, I still haven't met my future father in law yet," Monica said.

:"I don't wanna call him. I don't...no, I'm-"

"Chandler, he struggled with addiction too," Nora said.

"I'm...I'm not like him. I'm not gay...I don't have any desire to wear a ball gown or-"

"You do love show tunes though," Monica said.

"Because they're fun...I don't...he-" Chandler said.

"Honey, he's still your dad," Nora said.

"He never said goodbye," Chandler said. "That day he left after Thanksgiving. He never said goodbye and I...I'm not like him."

"You are. Okay, maybe not in terms of sexuality, but you are like him. You both used drugs to cover up pain," Nora said.

"Deep," Monica said.

"I'm a writer. It's my job to look deep and you know about that goodbye thing, it's the same reason I didn't look for you. It would be too hard. I get it's probably selfish of us but it is what is."

"Oh, G-d. That saying," Monica groaned.

"Honey, call him. He's going to be at your wedding," Nora said.

"Uh...I haven't invited him," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Nora said.

"I'm not like him," Chandler argued again but it felt weak. He kept thinking about his dad and he could so vividly remember that divorce party his parents had after they had informed him of their divorce. His father sitting with his boyfriend in the club, "he was snorting lines of coke."

"Who? When?" Monica asked.

"That night...when you and dad had that divorce party in the club. I looked over and he was doing lines. He did harder drugs. I'm not like him because he did harder drugs," Chandler tried.

"You took LSD," Nora said.

"It was given to me by your boyfriend at the time."

"Did you like it?" Nora asked.

Chandler opened his mouth and quickly closed it. He had liked it and there had always been a part of him that wanted to try it again but it scared him. It terrified him, those drugs. LSD, cocaine, heroin...those seemed so big, so awful and he had always felt that because he took prescription drugs, he wasn't an actual drug addict...but it was something he was learning from those therapy meetings. He did need to start accepting who he was, where he had come from.

Chandler stood outside the meeting hall, palms sweating, shaking. He had been coming for a little over a month now but tonight he would be sharing this moment with someone. After lunch with his mom, he made the call. It was a call he never thought he'd ever make. He did it and was surprised at how quickly his dad agreed. Now, there Chandler stood waiting, nervous.

"You going to go in?"

Chandler jumped and turned to see an older gentleman standing before him wearing a blue button down shirt and khaki pants. He smiled, Chandler tried to remember the last time he has seen him in something normal.

"Hi, dad...I can't believe you're wearing that," Chandler said.

"Let's go inside," Charles said, grinning at his son. Chandler nodded. He felt like a kid again. He had told his dad he was in trouble, that he wanted his dad to join him and his dad got on the plane and flew out. It all felt so strange.

"Dad."

"Son, I'm here."

Chandler nodded as he reached down and pushed the door open. The two walked into the hall filled with fold out metal chairs. There were people gathered in groups, drinking coffee, eating doughnuts and talking.

"How the hell did I get here?" Chandler asked. Every time he walked in the room, he asked the same question. How did he, at almost thirty two, end up here.

"You're my son," Charles said.

"Hmmm...I guess. Although...mom said you struggled with this too?"

"Yeah. Harder drugs though. Not prescription pills."

"That scares me."

"They should," Charles said. "They should terrify you."

Chandler took a deep breath and walked towards the table to get coffee in a Styrofoam cup. He watched his dad do the same and the two men walked towards the rows of chairs and sat. He felt uncomfortable sitting there with his dad.

"Thanks for calling me, by the way," Charles said.

"Mom made me."

"I thought so."

"She said I'm like you. I said I wasn't...but I am, aren't I? I'm like you? I'm a drug addict...and an alcoholic."

"You're better than I am."

"No. I screwed up."

"So did I. I failed you, didn't I?" Charles asked.

"Well..." Chandler began. His mother had been saying the same thing and he wasn't sure how much he liked that. His parents taking the blame.

"I'm sorry."

"Well, you still haven't taken me to Disneyland," Chandler said.

"For your honeymoon."

"Maybe."

"But I should never have had perform in my show."

"It wasn't bad...some people say I have the legs of a dancer," Chandler said, grinning which made Charles laugh.

"I'm proud of you, kid."

"Thanks, dad...hey can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why didn't you ever say goodbye? I mean, I get it now...I mean, obviously you and mom aren't meant for each other, but I was still your kid and you left...that day after Thanksgiving? I woke up with a hangover and I watched you leave and you never said goodbye. Why didn't you ever say goodbye?" Chandler asked. It was blunt, he knew that but it was the one thing that always upset him. The one thing that concerned him, that he thought he wasn't worth saying goodbye too. Charles looked at Chandler, a sad look in his eye.

"You're too hard to say goodbye to. I didn't wanna say goodbye because it would have killed me...I should've."

"Yeah, you should've and mom should have looked for me after I took LSD. For the past twenty two years...I keep thinking I'm the type of person that's not worth saying goodbye to."

"The opposite. You're worth a lot more than that."

"I can't believe you're here. I can't believe I called you," Chandler said.

"Me neither...although, both your mom and I are proud you're doing this."

"You are?"

"Oh yeah...I know it's tough. Believe me. I know. I've spent a lot of time working on my own sobriety. You have to get well...because your mom and I may hate each other but we both share one thing that we love more than anything else on this Earth. You may not believe it but it's true and I know I speak for both for us that if something happens to that one shared person that we love...we will kill him," Charles said.

Chandler let out a snort as he shook his head, "I know...mom kinda said the same thing. So you guys did want me?"

"Of course."

"You know, it wasn't that bad in our house. It was never boring. I watched lots of movies,  
Chandler said.

"You have to upgrade the collection," Charles said which Chandler to let out another groan.

"Yeah...VHS to DVD. That's gonna take forever, dad."

"I'll help. We'll just have to start from the beginning. I'm sorry for not saying goodbye and I'm sorry for not taking you to Disneyland, although I did buy you a Corvette."

"Can I get another one?"

"With your money. Look...I know I've never said this to you but I am very proud to call you my son."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. That means a lot."

Chandler smiled as Charles patted him on the back. Chandler sat quietly as he listened to people talk. Every meeting, he listened intently to stories that made him stop. All these intense stories that always made him feel guilty. He had just gotten close to the edge, he had never fallen completely off the cliff or maybe he was like Wylie Coyote. He had fallen off the cliff but had not died, he was bruised but he would keep trying.

He had always been told he was self absorbed. Even when he had told Phoebe the truth about why he had given her the trust fund money, it hadn't surprised her that his initial motive had been self serving. That killed him. Tears fell down as he sat, sipped the coffee. It made him feel sick again, how hard he had tried to destroy everything. His life was good. Better than good.

After the meeting he remained seated there. He could tell his dad was staring at him while he looked ahead.

"I am very selfish man."

"No, you're not...you just got lost," Charles said.

"You wanna come back and meet my friends. Well, you already met Phoebe but you should meet my fiancee. You are gonna come to my wedding, right?"

"Of course."

"But um...before we go back and meet my friends. I think you need to change."

"I'm dressed normally," Charles argued.

"I know. That's the problem. See, I wear khakis and sweater vests...and bowling shirts. I wear what I like and what's comfortable to me even though my friends make fun of me for wearing sweater vests and they say that I'm not eighty but I like sweater vests. They're cozy, slimming...I like them. What you're wearing...that would be normal for me but it's not to you. I want you to wear what's normal to you. Forget what I want...besides Phoebe has already seen you in full drag and she'll be pissed if you come dressed like this."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I love you, kid."

"I love you too, dad," Chandler said as the two men shared a hug. He felt like he was overcoming something, felt himself moving forward. Sure it would make him nervous to walk with his dad in full drag but he was older now, he had faced so many things that had made him uncomfortable. He was getting married. So maybe this was another step.

As soon as Chandler opened the door to his apartment, Monica ran to him to hug him. Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe were sitting on the couch, talking it seemed.

"Where were you?" Monica asked.

"I went to an AA Meeting...and I wanna introduce you to someone...although, Phoebe you'll be very happy to see this person-"

"John Glenn?" Phoebe asked.

"No," Chandler said,"Dad".

Just then, Charles dressed in a long reddish gown walked into the apartment. He was wearing a long red wig. Chandler's face turned a little red as his friends stared, but he wasn't embarrassed. It was strange. Phoebe grinned and ran towards Charles and immediately hugged him. Rachel, Joey and Ross soon joined them in the kitchen.

"Helena," Phoebe said.

"Yes, you know Phoebe," Chandler said.

"Are you staying away from the pretend gay men," Charles said.

"Yes," Phoebe said.

Charles had officiated Phoebe's Vegas wedding to Duncan years ago. Chandler knew that Phoebe had met with his dad several times including a time on her twenty first story, a story he had only heard recently and made him smile.

"Oh, dad...this is Joey. I think you've met him and Ross was my roommate in college...that's Rachel and this," Chandler grabbed Monica's hand, "is Monica."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Bing," Monica said.

"Oh, Mr. Bing...that's my son's name. Call me Helena, sweetie." Charles said.

"So you are his father," Joey mused.

"Didn't you meet my dad already?" Chandler asked. When Rachel and Ross had gotten married in Vegas, Joey and Phoebe had mentioned meeting his dad.

"Yes...but now...I feel you should tell us more about Chandler as a child...embarrassing stuff...like did he dress up in women's clothing?" Joey said and soon Joey, Ross, Phoebe and Rachel surround Charles and were walking with him towards the couch, asking questions. The whole scene made him laugh. Monica linked her arm in his and stood on her toes to give Chandler a peck on the cheek.

"I'm proud of you," Monica said.

"I made him change. He came to the AA Meeting dressed in a button down and khakis and I made him change into that. I wanted him to be his version of normal, not mine."

"Very mature."

"You know he'll probably wear something far more sparkly to the wedding," Chandler said.

"I know. I'm okay with that...come on, I wanna meet your dad."

Monica grabbed his hand and pulled Chandler towards the couch. Chandler listened as Charles-slash-Helena told his friends stories about his performances in Vegas. It was the first time Chandler truly listened as well. It amazed him how unembarrassed he was. Perhaps he was growing, matured. His parents. Sure they were crazy and never attended a graduation...never had an appropriate birthday party for him but they kept trying and maybe he was ready to let them him in.


	52. Chapter 52

**April 2001-May 2001**

As the weeks got closer to the wedding, he began to become more hyper aware of things. He had been told his friends would act differently. He was told some would be protective, some would be nervous but at first people would not quite know what to do. He was pleasantly surprised that most of his friends stuck with him when he told them about rehab. Tyler told him he was proud of him, Ross and Joey also stuck with him which hadn't surprised him but he was still fairly grateful for them. Everyone seemed to want to help except one. It was now about a week before his thirty second birthday when Gandalf called. Chandler had not heard much from Gandalf since he had checked into rehab, since he had begun his path to sobriety.

"Come on, man," Gandalf said. Gandalf had reached Chandler as he was leaving the AA meeting and beginning his walk home. The weather was starting to warm up a bit and he had wanted to walk to clear his head but instead Gandalf had called and it was doing the opposite of clearing his head.

"I can't, Gandalf."

"Just meet me at Pub 2 and then you can have one drink and then go home. Your birthday is next week."

"I can't. You don't get it. I can't have one drink," Chandler stressed.

"Uhhhh, it's those stupid friends of yours. You're turning into Ross."

"First, don't say things like that and second, it's not true. This isn't Ross' idea. I almost lost everything, Gandalf. When I went out with you that night, I almost lost everything. Joey punched me in the face, Monica broke up with me...not completely, but for a few hours, I lost her. I can't screw that up. I'm not going to do any better."

"They're being overly dramatic."

"I don't think they are."

"And...Joey punching you? That's not a friend."

"Awww, but the fact that Joey hasn't done it before is a true testament to how good of friend he is. I've kissed his girlfriend, hooked up with his sister...he's been a good a friend. Better than I deserve."

"Alright, you can handle your booze. You still have a job, you have a life...they just all decided that you have some sort of problem and-"

"I don't know if that's true," Chandler said.

"Whatever...we don't have to go drinking tonight but you don't have a problem."

"I'm in an outpatient rehab clinic."

"You don't have a problem. I'll talk to you to tomorrow."

Gandalf hung up and Chandler stared at the phone. Gandalf was so certain that Chandler didn't have a problem. Everyone else was so certain that he did. It confused him and for the first time since he had begun this whole sobriety thing, he had doubts. Could Gandalf be right? Maybe everyone was overreacting? He really had not lost everything. There were people in those meetings that had lost far more. Gandalf's words got him thinking. He wished he could turn back, talk to someone but he wasn't sure he could talk to Monica, Ross, Joey, Phoebe or Rachel...or maybe he could talk to Phoebe. Phoebe had at one point been his drinking partner, the girl he would go out and have fun with. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his cell, dialing and was happy to hear Phoebe was at home. He stopped by, nervous, hoping that she wouldn't yell at him.

"Come on in, what's up?" Phoebe asked when Chandler walked into her apartment. He could feel his insides start to tighten. It was a mistake, but he wanted to ask. He needed someone. He walked over to the couch and sat, Phoebe sat opposite him, looking a little concerned.

"I-I need to ask you something but you can't tell Monica or Rachel...or Joey or Ross-"

"I won't. What's wrong? Did you fall off the wagon?" Phoebe asked.

"No...it's just...well, I talked to Gandalf. He invited me to go out drinking and he said I didn't have a problem and everyone was overreacting and I-everyone-I don't know. This was a mistake."

"No, no," Phoebe said, staring at him. He felt uncomfortable under her gaze. Suddenly, she got up and walked towards her pantry. She grabbed a giant bottle of tequila and a glass. She walked back to the couch and sat, placing the large bottle of Jose Cuervo on the table. His mouth immediately began to water. Phoebe poured some of the goldish colored liquid into the glass and moved it in front of him. "Drink."

"What?"

"Drink...but here's the thing, you can only have that one glass. No more, once you're done with that and I will not tell anyone. I promise. Not Rachel, Not Joey, Not Ross...certainly not Monica."

His heart beat rapidly as he stared at the glass. He wrapped his hand around the glass and lifted it up. It felt so heavy. His hand shook as he placed the glass back down.

"What will happen if I drink this?" Chandler asked.

"I don't know, but you can only drink one glass."

That wasn't fair, was the first thought. He could have more than one. He was a grown man. He could have more than one glass if he wanted. He could have twenty.

"What happens if I don't drink this?" Chandler asked.

"I'll probably dump it," Phoebe said.

That seemed like a waste, the voice in his head kept saying again. Those thoughts terrified him. He slowly moved the glass back towards Phoebe.

"This is hard, Pheebs."

"I bet it is and it's only been a month and a half. Chandler, I know I drink a lot. You and I spent about five months in our twenties drinking our way through this town, but here's the thing...the difference...I can stop. I didn't drink for the nine months I had the triplets. Can you tell me that you can have one glass?"

"No."

"You can't define whether or not you have a problem by whether or not you've lost everything. You have a job, you have friends, you have a fiancee and you don't want to lose it all."

"Sobriety is going to cost me a friend," Chandler said.

"Who?"

"Gandalf."

"He was never your friend."

"I defended Gandalf. I was there for him and...I would've caught a bullet for him. I would have taken a bullet for Kip too," Chandler said.

"They were never your friends. Look at it this way...Ross, Joey, Tyler, Kip, Gandalf, who has been there for you more?"

"The first three."

"Here's another question...who would hurt more to lose? Gandalf or Monica. Gandalf or Joey? Gandalf or Ross...or me or Rachel?"

"I know the answer. Obviously, it would hurt more to lose you guys. You're reason I'm doing this but G-d, I feel so weak. I can't do this. I can't...I feel everything, you know. I feel things I had tried so hard not to feel. How did you...how did you get through your stuff?"

"I had too and so do you...well, you don't have too but the alternative...Monica leaves you-"

"That would kill me."

"I know it would...Joey would actually follow through and stop being your friend."

"I can't imagine that."

"You couldn't get manis and pedis with Rachel and discuss the rest of us."

"We don't talk about you," Chandler said, grinning.

"She said you did."

"Yeah, we do and I heard your friend, Sue Ellen has a crush on me."

"She does...but back to my point-"

"I'd miss that. I miss you hearing your laugh, Pheebs."

"So here's the choice you have. You want the drink or you want me to take it away?" Phoebe asked.

"Take the drink away," Chandler asked.

Phoebe nodded and grabbed his drink. She took a large gulp and grinned at him. He let out a snort.

"Thanks, Pheebs."

"No, problem and we're not the reason you're doing this. You're the reason...you made the decision but here's a deal I'll make you Bing, if you ever feel like falling off the wagon. If you find yourself at a bar. Call me. I won't yell, I won't say anything. I will come and pick you up. Promise."

"Thanks...it's scary. I can never drink again for the rest of my life. If I have a headache...I can't even take Advil...I even now have to find mouthwash that doesn't have alcohol. It's...it's gonna be tough," Chandler said.

"It will be, but I believe you can do it. Give yourself some credit, Bing. You're stronger than you think you are."

"I know."

"You know what?" Phoebe asked as she took a sip of the tequila, "why haven't you ever done that stand up comedy thing?"

"I did it."

"Yeah, once...in 1992. With me...you were really good and funny. I would encourage you to do that again. Maybe for your birthday."

"I don't know."

"It would be fun and I would definitely come."

"Will you laugh?" Chandler asked.

"At a joke you make? There's a possibility of that happening."

Chandler smiled, sitting there with Phoebe as she drank. That would be an interesting way to spend a birthday. Maybe he could...if it meant he could hear Phoebe's laugh again, he'd do it.

That night, lying side by side with Monica he could not stop thinking about everything that had happened at Phoebe's. His mind was whirling as Monica was rambling about something, he wasn't sure. He heard "cake", "flowers" and "underwear" but he wasn't sure.

"Chandler, are you listening?" Monica finally asked.

"No. Not even a little bit," Chandler mused which made Monica laugh as she playfully poked him in the ribs. He let out a laugh.

"Okay, fine...I've been talking about the wedding too much, I understand...but can you at least come with me to the cake tasting? Joey offered to come but honestly that would terrify me," Monica said.

"I'll come with you to that."

"Good. How have you been doing?" Monica asked.

"I'm alright..."

"Your dad is sending you a lot of DVD's," Monica said,

"He is," Chandler grinned. Ever since his dad had visited, every week a package of DVD's showed up at his door and he was slowly but surely switching his collection from VHS to DVD. "But hopefully this is it...after I switch to DVD, I will never have to update my collection again...you know for my birthday, Pheebs thinks I should do an open mic night."

"Stand up?"

"Yeah...I did it once like seven or eight years ago and-"

"I think you'd be good at that."

"Really?"

"Yeah and I know you went with Phoebe the first time you did it and I wish I had been there."

"Now you will," Chandler said as Monica cuddled up next to him. He took a deep breath, his mind still reeling, "Gandalf invited me for drinks tonight."

"What?"

"He wanted to go to Pub 2 and drink...I said no. I ended to going to Phoebe's and hanging out instead. I just...I don't...I don't think he gets it...and I feel like...he's gonna stop being my friend."

"I'm sorry...but you know, I always hated him."

"I can see that. He was horrible to Ross," Chandler said.

"No, that's not the reason. If I hated everyone who hated my brother...I'd have no one left," Monica said as she took a deep breath, "actually...okay, I've never told you this but...remember the night you lost Sally?"

"Vividly."

"Remember you had a memorial for your car at that bar by NYU?"

"Yeah?"

"And you remember that you drank a lot and we got into a fight."

"Are you still mad at me for that?" Chandler asked.

"No, no of course not...you've done far more assholey things since then."

"I know," Chandler grinned.

"Well, I don't know how much you remember of that night but after our fight, you drank and passed out cold. Kip was somewhere, not sure... Carol and Ross were off somewhere. It was you, me and Gandalf. I was complaining about you to Gandalf. I was worried and I thought you had a problem and... I admitted to him that I kinda liked you and I wanted you to be okay and...I don't know what happened but he kissed me, he leaned in and tried to make a move and...I shoved him off me but...see, I knew you liked me and I knew that Gandalf and Kip probably knew you liked me-"

"They did."

"I just thought it was really tacky. Gross. You were sitting next to me...and I pushed him off but Chandler, neither one of them cared about you the way Ross or Joey or Tyler do...or the way I do."

"I didn't know that."

"I always thought he was a douche...and while I do believe Ross deserves a lot of the crap we all give him...come on, the jokes were stupid. Oh, he's younger so he can't drink. That's not anything he had control over and...Ross was the one who drove the three of you everywhere because you'd all get wasted. It was dumb and come on, let me ask you...what would hurt more, losing Joey or losing Gandalf?"

"I can't lose Joey."

"I know. It's Jandler forever," Monica said.

"We are not that close...and I prefer Chanoey," Chandler which made Monica laugh.

"Gandalf was never your friend. Neither was Kip...they were using you. They didn't care. If you hadn't had Sally...if you weren't wealthy, would they have hung out with you? That cross country trip the four of you took? Who paid for most of it?"

"Ross paid his share."

"Right and Gandalf and Kip?"

"I paid."

"Ross, Tyler and Joey will take a bullet for you. You know that."

"Joey will only if I have a sandwich on my lap," Chandler said.

"Well yes...but now you know who your friends and the ones that stuck, I know those are the ones you would have wanted to stick with you anyway."

"Yeah, I know," Chandler said, letting out a sigh.

It hurt him to know that maybe Gandalf had never been his friend. The memory of the fall out from his friendship with Kip also still stung a little, but there was a small part of his mind that suddenly got hooked on something else. He looked at Monica.

"When did you start liking me?"

"What?"

"Okay, Rachel has said you've liked me since we met in 1987...I lost that car in 1991...and you just said you loved me then too-"

"Not loved."

"When did you...start?" Chandler asked.

"I...okay, but then it's going to make me seem bad because...I strung you along."

"I won't be mad."

"Alright, alright...the first time I met you...I thought you were really cute...then you called me fat. Then for the next ten years, I liked you on and off. There were times were I just fell for you completely. I hated Janice and Kathy...and Lizzie. I always wanted to take care of you...but...probably that night in London. That's when I really fell."

"When you were looking for Joey?" Chandler asked, grinning a little. It had been a recent development that had once again shaken him. That night in London, that night that had completely changed the nature of their relationship, in Monica's mind was supposed to have meant something else. She had wanted a hook up...with Joey.

"Will you stop? But it was that night and I stood there listening to you say things and I..you always know how to calm me down. You always know how to make me feel...perfect and I mean...I look at Rachel and Phoebe and Rachel is beautiful and Phoebe is completely wild and free spirited and you chose me."

"Why wouldn't I?" Chandler asked.

Monica kissed him as he held her tighter. He loved these moments with Monica, those moments where it was just the two of them. He always felt it was when they were at their best, when their friendship truly shone through, when he felt safe. He could stay like that with her forever and it was exactly what he planned to do.

The last time he had performed at an open mic night had been 1992. Phoebe had dared him to do it and the two had gone. She had laughed so hard, so loud. That sound that he loved so much. It had been a long time since he had made her laugh like that and it killed him. Simply killed him, it made him shine that sound and he wanted to hear it again. After giving it a lot of thought, he decided he would do stand up for his thirty second birthday. In the two months of him being sober, the cravings for alcohol had slowly started to fade. He started to feel a little better. He had given up alcohol, given up the drugs, partially gave up the smoking which slightly irritated Monica but she had said she could handle that far more than the drug use and heavy drinking so it was a compromise. He had begun drinking large amounts of Red Bull which of course drew jokes from the other five who complained that he really did not need more energy.

It was the other five that pushed him, even without them knowing. It was them. He could not lose them. Losing Gandalf was painful but the memory of that night, the pain he had caused them...it was too much for him. He was working hard, he just wanted to be better, wanted to enjoy what he had, but now it was his birthday and he didn't wanna talk, he wanted to play. He wanted to make them laugh, make his friends laugh or more importantly, make Phoebe laugh.

"So how is making fun of us going to be therapeutic for you?" Ross asked as they all sat around a small circular table in the middle of Improv East Comedy Club.

"I'm not just making fun of you. I'm...making fun of myself. It's just...I wanna hear Phoebe laugh at me," Chandler said.

"I laugh at you all the time," Phoebe said.

"Not just behind my back," Chandler said.

"Oh...yeah, I've done that a lot," Phoebe grinned.

"I know," Chandler said as a waiter walked towards the table to ask about drinks which of course caused an uncomfortable silence to fall over the group. He had noticed this more and more in the last two months. The more clear everything was becoming, the more aware he was of his friends. The other five refused to drink in front of him when they were all together which he felt was strange at first because when he had gone to Phoebe's that night after talking to Gandalf, she drank his tequila and Joey and Ross had had beer in front of him but when the the three of them hung out but when when it was the six of them, not one of them ordered booze and he had a feeling Monica was the one who had decided that and while he found it sweet, he also found it annoying.

"Diet Coke is fine," Monica said as the waiter began writing things down.

"Why not scotch on the rocks with a twist?" Chandler asked.

"It's okay," Monica said, gently patting his leg. Chandler let out an annoyed sigh as he listened to each one order a soda or say they were fine with water. He knew they weren't fine with water and soda. He knew exactly what they wanted.

"And for you, sir?" The waiter asked, looking straight at Chandler.

"If you have Red Bull, I'd love that. If not, a Coke is fine and um...I'd like to change all of their drink orders," Chandler said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Give me a break...you don't want sodas," Chandler said.

"We do," Monica said.

"Well...I do actually kind of want a beer...but you told us we couldn't drink in front of him" Joey said.

"Really? I knew it." Chandler said.

"Thanks, Joe," Monica said.

"When we went to the game last week, Joey and Ross each had beer so your plan is not working," Chandler said.

"Guys," Monica said, glaring at the two. Chandler shook his head as he turned back to the waiter.

"Okay, here's what they're getting...and this can prove that I've been listening," Chandler began as he pointed to Monica then Joey, Phoebe, Ross and finally Rachel, stopping at each one, "she will have scotch on the rocks with a twist, he will have a Sam Adams Utopia, she will have Jack and Coke, he'll have a glass of Pinot Grigio and she will have a Sour Apple Martini."

"Okay...got that, is that alright?" The waiter asked.

"I don't-" Monica said.

"Monica, stop," Chandler said, cutting her off as the waiter walked off to get their drinks.

"Are you sure?" Monica asked.

"Yes...you are amazing, Mon...all I've wanted is normal. It's normal for you to drink," Chandler said.

"And it is impressive that you know each of our drinks," Rachel mused.

"I thought so," Chandler said.

"It's not going to be too difficult?" Monica asked.

"No, it will be. It was hard to see Joey and Ross drink beers at the game...but I'm gonna have to get used to it."

"I just want you to be okay," Monica said, grabbing his hand.

"I am," he said as he leaned in to give her kiss. "I got you...and if I make Phoebe laugh tonight, well then it'll be the perfect birthday."

"Oh, you know we do have to start planning your Bachelor Party...I've been waiting for this since 1988," Joey said.

"We weren't friends yet in 1988," Chandler said.

"Doesn't matter," Joey said.

"So how do you feel about the Pizza Hut?" Ross asked, grinning.

"You know what, I would actually be fine with that. They have games," Chandler said, truthfully. "Why do you hate the Hut?"

"I don't hate the Hut," Ross said.

"Who are we inviting?" Joey said.

"Well, you two and...Tyler and-" Chandler said.

"Gandalf?" Ross asked.

"No...not Gandalf," Chandler said, shaking his head.

"Why not?" Ross asked.

Chandler looked at Monica and Phoebe and shifted a little in his seat.

"Gandalf...he invited me for drinks last week. I said no but...he doesn't really get it and he thinks the rest of you are overreacting so...I'd rather not. I'd rather be with you guys...and Tyler. Maybe a couple guys from work but um...no Gandalf."

"You alright about that?" Ross asked.

"Yeah, yeah...I'm alright," Chandler said.

"He thought we were overreacting?" Rachel asked.

"I guess...I didn't go with him but he's sort of been avoiding me, not answering calls. He didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday...So...I don't really wanna talk about it. It's karma. Right? I vanished right before Ross' first wedding. Seems only fitting he'd vanish before mine. Besides, the friends that I hoped to stick with me have," Chandler said.

"Oh, honey...if we haven't left you by now," Rachel said patting him on the back which made Chandler laugh a little. He really did not want to discuss Gandalf, instead he wanted to concentrate on what he was about to do. He was about to try and make a room full of strangers laugh.

When is was his turn, he walked to the stage, his heart pounding. He would look at them. They would carry him. They had always done that.

He stood at the mic and took a deep breath. He stared straight at them and laughed a little as they held up their drinks in support of him. He shook his head as he began.

"Hi...I am Chandler Bing. Yes...that is unfortunately, my real name. I am the son of a drag queen and and erotic novelist so as you can tell I had a fairly boring childhood. We would sit around nights...play checkers although it was a little confusing because up until I was about twelve, I thought king me meant you go make out with the butler in the pool house. Contrary to popular belief, I am not gay...I am getting married...to a real live woman. Monica...she's amazing. Patient. I've known her for thirteen years now and I wanted to date her for a long time but she wouldn't date me. She would say I wasn't ready...I wasn't mature. So I did what any guy in my situation would do who wants a girl, I bought the blow up doll and went to work..."

Then he heard it. He heard it immediately. He was getting laughs but it was the one he wanted to hear more than anyone elses: Phoebe's. He heard it and it was better than he had ever remembered. That nasal sounding, loud, strange otherworldly laugh. The grin on his face became bigger as he nodded in her direction.

"Thank you...thank you and I just wanted to say, that laugh you just heard, it came from a real person by the way. Phoebe, over there...best sound in the world. I've been saying for years that we should take Phoebe to hospitals and have her laugh at people and I swear every disease would get cured. I have...I really have the best friends in the world and allow me to explain why. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. So you know, they're patient probably more than most normal people. I'm thirty two today...and I have been sober for two months," Chandler stopped as people applauded that. "Thanks. This is actually my third time trying to be sober and um...it's an interesting thing when you get sober though because everyone starts acting differently. Some stick around, some don't...some get really protective...some are well like my friends. But they've been through the withdrawals with me two, three times already and the first time, it was, 'oh, I'm sorry...let's make you comfortable'. Second time, it was still a little...'let's make sure you don't die'. The third time it was...'here's a bucket, just don't throw up on the floor.' I've decided this time I will stick to sobriety because I'm afraid a fourth time would be...'there's a balcony. Go use it,'" Chandler said and that sound came again. Phoebe laughing, but it wasn't just Phoebe. He was hearing laughter come from everywhere. His friends were laughing, it was genuine, the audience...he just so loved that sound and felt sad when was soon over. When he was done, he walked back to the table and sat down, Monica giving him a kiss. This was good birthday. His thirties were going to be fantastic.

It was getting closer and closer, the day of his wedding to Monica, he was feeling calm. He looked okay, was sober and was getting excited. He had tracked down all the people in his life that had meant something to him, Joey was going to be officiating the ceremony. It was all going as planned. He was thrilled to have Joey officiate it. Ross was now his Best Man. Tyler would be an usher and while Gandalf had never RSVPed to the wedding, he didn't really care all that much. He wanted people who had been there for him. He had even contemplated asking Lizzie to come but when Monica responded to that suggestion with a glare and that if he invited Lizzie, she was inviting Richard, the conversation was over.

But then it happened. He thought he had moved past all of that. He was in a committed relationship. He wasn't afraid but maybe he was. This sobriety had made things so clear. It started with an innocent outgoing message on the machine. Monica had changed the outgoing message to say that soon they would be The Bings...like his parents. His parents marriage, so filled with drama. Even now, they could not be in the same room together. Then came the rest of that message. It was from one Sophie's sons. He had picked up the phone when he heard it and the news. Sophie had passed away. His heart sank but he could not do a thing about it. He wanted his rehearsal dinner to be Monica's night. She had earned a night that was her's as so much of their relationship had been about his issues, his screwing stuff up so now it would be her moment, but he couldn't ignore his feelings. His feelings that he used to cover up with drugs and booze. Sophie was dead, his parents were fighting, his head was swirling. He couldn't drink. At his pleading, he had told Monica to have alcohol at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding because he needed to get used to it, but his mind was swirling and then he broke. He caved.

After the dinner, he was alone in his old bedroom which was now Rachel's. Joey was in his bedroom, getting ready to go shoot a movie. He felt himself starting to sweat. His heart breaking, poking him. His skin felt like it was crawling. He looked around Rachel's room. The room that had once been his. He could no longer do this. No longer keep the sobriety up. He got up and walked out of the room and towards the fridge. He opened the fridge and looked towards Joey's room. He looked in and saw a six pack of beer. He grabbed a bottle and walked quickly into Rachel's room, shutting the door behind him. He unscrewed the top and began drinking, chugging it down. Then he collapsed on Rachel's bed. He had failed. They'd all leave him now, Monica would leave him. He couldn't have that. He couldn't have her leave him. She had threatened to break up with him. If they became the Bings, she probably would. He needed to leave. He needed to get out of there and with a simple note, he walked out. He walked out of the apartment, out of the building and took a cab to his old house. That one he had grown up in. He walked into the theater, his sanctuary and stayed. There were still some movies in the theater, movies he had not taken with him when he had moved out and those he watched, over and over. It would be for the best. He was weak, he had failed and when Monica found out, she'd leave him. So perhaps he had no choice, he had to leave first because seeing her walk out of his life would be the end of his.


	53. Chapter 53

**May 2001 part 1**

He had fallen off the wagon, having that one beer and had run. He had ran to his old home and began watching movies. He couldn't do this. It wasn't cold feet he was feeling. It was far worse. He would lose Monica. He knew he would. He wasn't good enough for her, wasn't worthy. He could not function, could not stop thinking. People left him. They left. Sophie left. She died and Monica would too. When she learned he had a beer, she'd call off the wedding. It was better this way. Better because he would hurt her and she deserved better. She deserved Richard. He went in and out of consciousness, waking up to watch more movies. His heart beat wildly as he lost track of time. He could not do this. If they divorced, that would kill him. He'd lose her eventually. He knew this, he was certain of this.

He was a wreck, freaking himself out. He could not get married and have it end so it was better this way. He would save himself, save her the heartache. He wasn't worth it. Monica could do better, everyone knew it and when they found out he fell off the wagon, they would dump him. That would be it. He was just taking that step.

"I am going to kill you," Ross said, sounding very methodical. "Are you really going to do this?"

Chandler jumped, not quite sure of the time. Not sure when they had gotten here. He could tell Ross and Phoebe were on either side of him. He couldn't look at them, he was too embarrassed, much too ashamed.

"Does she know?" Chandler asked, staring straight ahead.

"No and she doesn't need to know. We need to get back," Ross said.

"No. No...I can't. I can't do this," Chandler said.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked.

"She's gonna leave me. If we become the Bings, she's gonna get fed up and leave. My parents were the Bings and they crashed and burned. If she leaves...no...no...I can't...I-"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Phoebe asked.

"If this fails-" Chandler said.

"Are you really that insecure?" Ross asked.

"Yes," Chandler said. Phoebe could hate him, fine. She didn't get it. No one did.

"You know...Chandler...I can't...okay, look if Monica hasn't left you by now, she isn't going to but the rest of us are pretty damn close. I mean, fuck...we just spent three months trying to make sure you were safe and okay. What else is it gonna take? You're gonna destroy the one thing you've wanted for as long as I've known you because you think she'll run out on you?" Phoebe asked.

"And you know...if you do run out, that's it. We can no longer be friends. That's a fact. If you run out on my sister...you are no longer my friend," Ross said.

"I-it's just-I mean...this...It's too huge...this whole thing is too huge. I can't-"

"Okay, Chandler listen... right now...no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. Okay, but you can do this. You can make that leap. You can make this work. Stop being so goddamned self destructive. You know this won't end. There are plenty of people out there who can make marriage work. Ross and Monica's parents. People do make it work and besides...there's another reason you have to go back," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Monica's pregnant," Phoebe said.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"What?" Ross asked.

Chandler stared at Phoebe, his mouth open. They had used protection. He thought they had. Monica was pregnant? He was going to be a dad?

"Rachel and I found the pregnancy test in the trash. Monica's pregnant...and...do you really wanna be that guy? Do you wanna be like my dad...or yours? You really wanna be like that? I know you love her so much and I know no one will work harder to make their marriage work than you and Monica will. Yeah, you'll be the Bings, but you'll also be the Gellers. You're marrying Monica. You think she's gonna lose at marriage?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm gonna be a dad?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh crap," Chandler said and he felt himself coming around. What the hell was he doing? Why was he so selfish? So destructive? He could do this. He could be a husband...and he could be a father.

"So...you wanna go get married," Ross said.

"Not to you," Chandler said, giving him a smirk.

"He's coming back to us," Ross said.

"Seriously. Chandler, when will you stop this?" Phoebe asked.

"I can do this. What the fuck am I doing? No, no...I don't wanna be that guy. If she's pregnant, I need to be there...and I love her so much. Ross, I do. I love her...I can't...not having her would just be..."

"Let's go. Stop...just stop," Ross said.

"I'm sorry, Ross," Chandler said.

"I know. Come on...ready to go?" Ross asked.

Chandler nodded and stood up. He looked at Ross, he had screwed up again and Ross had been there. He had to stop screwing up. He was going to be a dad. He and Ross shared a brief hug before the three walked out and headed towards the hotel where the reception would be. As soon as they arrived, Phoebe left to join the girls and Ross and Chandler retreated to the groom's dressing room.

"I just wanna say...I'm sorry again," Chandler said as the two men sat in the dressing room. They still had some time to get ready.

"It's fine...just stop pulling this crap."

"I know. Sophie passed away. Sophie passed away before the rehearsal dinner and I freaked...I drank a beer. I mean, I'm back on the wagon but...it would kill me to lose your sister. She is my best friend and I know you gave that bizarre world speech to me yesterday about threatening to kick my ass if I hurt her...I love her, Ross. She is everything I wish I could be and I promise I will do my best to never intentionally hurt her."

"I'm sorry about Sophie and I won't tell the others you fell off the wagon...and I know you would never intentionally hurt Monica," Ross said, sounding almost tired.

"Yeah. I'm gonna be a father. G-d, help us all."

"I think you'd be a good dad."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah and welcome to the family," Ross said.

"I feel like I've been part of the family for years."

"You kinda have."

"Yeah and thanks for not giving up on me. That means a lot. I mean, I know I'm not an easy guy to be friends with and I know I was probably a sucky roommate...but I really am grateful that...that we remained friends and that you refused to give up."

"I'm not giving up on you and I know you didn't run because of cold feet."

"No...I like her too much...I'm gonna get ready. I'm getting married," Chandler said as he got up. He grabbed his tux and walked into the bathroom where he changed. This felt right to him. This whole thing felt perfectly right. He did wish Sophie had been there, but maybe in spirit. This would be okay. All of this would be okay. He would get back on the wagon, it had been a slip up but he had kept himself from falling and that's what was important.

Of course, leave it to Joey to spoil everything. Maybe it was because he had been so flustered. He was still in his soldiers uniform from the movie he was currently filming. He had rushed to hotel to perform the ceremony and had let it slip that Chandler had run off. Chandler's eyes widened as he looked at Monica, anger suddenly flashing in her eyes. She took a deep breath and gave her vows, sweet and wonderful calling him her prince and then ended with a snide remark. She was furious and he knew he had to save this. The last thing he wanted was for her to walk out. He would wing it, not reciting the vows he had written, instead speaking honestly.

"I...I have made many mistakes in life. I've said the wrong the things, done the wrong things...acted too quickly or didn't act at all. But the one thing I am certain of is that you are the woman that I meant to be with. You are the person who makes me better than I ever thought I could possibly be. You make me work harder. You came into my life in 1987 and have never left. Without you, I'm not much of anything. With you, I am complete. There is no one else I want to be with, no one else I want to laugh with, grow old with or be with because as they say when you know, you know and I know. You're it for me, Monica and I've never been more sure of anything. I love you and I will always love you and what ever surprises come our way, I will still love you. Yeah, I'm sure. You're my Sally."

Monica smiled, her eyes filling with tears as she immediately got what he was talking about. Chandler started to tear up as well as he stepped forward, gently cupping her face in his hands and kissing her.

"I love you," she whispered as they parted. "I'm mad at you but I still love you."

"I know," Chandler smiled as the ceremony continued. He breathed a sigh of relief that at least Monica would still marry him. She would still be his wife. She wasn't so angry that she stopped the wedding. That could be a good sign and soon Joey pronounced them husband and wife, they kissed and the wedding was over, they were husband and wife, although he knew he wasn't out of the woods yet.

Soon, they had their moment, sitting alone after the ceremony had cleared out. They sat side by side, Monica silent. Chandler sitting beside her. He knew he had a brief window. The photographer would be there and things would soon get crazy.

"What is wrong with you?" Monica asked. "Do you wanna leave? Do you wanna get this annulled? Did I just make a mistake?"

"No. No...you didn't...I-"

"What happened?"

"Sophie died...I got the call before the rehearsal dinner. She passed away in her sleep."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted it to be your tonight but um...that's not all...I fell off the wagon. I had a beer after the rehearsal dinner and I got scared and-I didn't want you to leave and-"

"Chandler."

"I'm sorry,"

"First, I've known you since 1987. If I haven't left you by now...and second, I mean, yeah, I'm not happy you fell off the wagon, but Chandler...you have a disease. This isn't supposed to be easy. Look, can you promise me that today you won't drink or take anything?"

"Yes. Today, I can make that promise. Mon, I'm going to be there for you...and-and our baby."

"Wait...What?" Monica asked, confused.

"Phoebe told me. When Ross and Phoebe came to get me, Phoebe said you were pregnant and I'm not going to be that guy-"

"I'm not pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"Oh. What?" Chandler asked, a little confused.

"I'm not...wait, you thought I was so you came back? "

"Yes...and are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"Pretty sure...'cause I'm drinking," Monica said, grinning.

"That's my wife," Chandler said, letting out a snort.

"Wow...wife? I'm your wife. I like that...and I like that when you thought I was pregnant, you came back. You're my best friend. Don't you get it? There's no one else I wanna be with. I am so lucky to be married to my best friend."

"You know...hey, let's have fun. I mean, it's your day," Chandler said.

"Our day."

"Your day."

"Okay."

Chandler laughed as Monica grinned at him, they shared another kiss when something dawned on Chandler. If Monica wasn't pregnant...

"Who's pregnant?"

"What?" Monica asked.

"Phoebe said she found a pregnancy test in our trash?"

"Maybe you misheard?" Monica asked.

"No," Chandler said but before he was about to press further, Ross, Joey, Phoebe and Rachel walked in, all smiling. Chandler looked curiously at both Rachel and Phoebe? Was it one of them? Was it Rachel? It couldn't be Phoebe. Phoebe was the one who told him it was Monica or maybe it was a ploy? Monica grabbed his hand as the two walked towards the rest of the group. He'd have to ask Phoebe, he'd figure this out. Soon.

"I can't believe this. It's amazing. You're married," Rachel said.

"I know. We're married," Monica said.

Chandler pushed the thought of who might be pregnant out of his head as he looked at the other four. He knew he needed to apologize again...G-d, he was getting sick of that. He was sick of messing up. From that moment, he would do things right.

"And...okay, I wanna say something. I'm an asshole," Chandler said. The other four seemed to agree which made him laugh a little. "I am so grateful and lucky to have each one of you. Please know that and I am so sorry for what I pulled today. I love this woman," Chandler said giving Monica a kiss. "I got scared not because of committing but...because I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you, Mon-"

"You're not losing me. I promise you. It doesn't matter how badly you fuck up...I'm in this. I'm not leaving this marriage. You are my husband. The fact that you could run off before the wedding and I still married you, that's your proof," Monica said.

"Thank you and to the rest of you...Phoebe, Joey, Ross, Rachel...I am so, so sorry. I promise to get my head out of my ass and be far more grateful that I have friends like you and thanks for not giving up on me. Thank you for being there these last three months. Thank you for always being there. I know I have not made it easy...I want you guys to be okay with me again," Chandler said.

"We are. We always will be...it's just...can you please start make it easier for us to be your friend...'cause that would really help us out," Rachel said.

"Yeah. That would," Joey said.

"I will do my best." Chandler said and he meant it. He'd show them. He'd had enough and he could just imagine how sick they were of all this.

"Alright...now, can we please celebrate?" Monica asked. Chandler agreed. He wanted to just enjoy the day. He was now a husband, something he never thought he'd be. Chandler and Monica began to hug and celebrate with their friends and while Chandler knew Rachel, Ross and Joey would easily forgive him, Phoebe was different matter. She glared at him as he approached her, his face scrunched.

"Do you hate me?" Chandler asked, hoping that wasn't true. He hoped he hadn't completely screwed that friendship over.

"No. It's just...you ran out. I mean...the stuff with the drugs and then you running out, it's just..."

"I'm happy, Phoebe," Chandler said, cutting her off.

"You are?" Phoebe seemed taken aback by that.

"Yeah," Chandler said. He was truly happy.

"You're actually happy?" Phoebe asked.

"Why wouldn't I be? I just married Monica."

"And you're gonna be a dad," Phoebe said.

"No, I'm not," Chandler grinned.

"What?"

"Monica's not pregnant," Chandler said.

"But I found the-" Phoebe began as Chandler watched her. Was it Phoebe who was pregnant? Suddenly, the look on Phoebe's face seemed to change which confused him more. "Oh," she said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Did you really find a pregnancy test in the trash?" Chandler asked.

"No...no...I...never mind."

"Pheebs?"

"It's nothing."

"Wait...is Rachel pregnant?" Chandler asked. It had to be Rachel.

"No."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Okay, Pheebs. It's gotta be one of the three of you. I'm doing power of deduction here.."

"I don't know...let's just focus on today, alright," Phoebe said as she gently stroked his arm and kissed him on the cheek.

"Alright...okay, I'll find out soon enough. I just wanna make sure you don't hate me."

"I don't."

"Okay...'cause, I mean, I know our friendship has changed a lot over the years, but I still think of you one of my favorite people."

"You're one of my favorite people too, Chandler. If you weren't, I wouldn't get as mad."

Chandler nodded, getting that. He loved Phoebe. Maybe not in the same way he loved Monica, but Phoebe had always meant the world to him. The two shared a hug before joining the rest of the group. He was once again struck by how lucky he truly was and he would definitely keep his promise to Monica. Today, he would not drink.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bing..."

After being introduced, the new husband and wife stepped onto the dance floor. Chandler held her close to him as their song played. They had chosen,_ "It Had to be You"_ from _When Harry Met Sally_ as their song. They felt is was so perfect for the two of them.

"You know, I guess it's true," Monica said.

"What is?"

"Men and women can't just be friends."

"No, I'm friends with Phoebe and Rachel and I don't see them in any other way. You're friends with Joey...it's just certain men and women are meant to just be friends but you and I were never meant to be just friends."

"Yeah."

Chandler gave her a kiss as he spun Monica around. She laughed as she moved in towards him. It had passed. his moment of feeling weak. He felt stronger than ever. He was someone's husband now. He wanted nothing more than to protect her. The lyrics of the song, "it had to be you..." rang in his head, hit every fiber of him. It just had to be her...there was no one else that would ever come close and he made a promise to himself, he would be there, protect her, do everything he could.

"I bet you'll make a hot old man," Monica mused as she wrapped her arms around his waist. People were beginning to dance around them. Chandler laughed.

"What?"

"You will make a hot old man."

"Thank you...ooo, maybe I'll have crazy Robert Wagner hair."

"Sexy."

"And you'll make a hot old lady."

"Thank you. I can't wait to spend of my life with you...being driven completely insane and crazy, worrying endlessly about you. It's gonna be a good time."

"Oh my G-d...those were my original vows," Chandler joked.

"Shush."

"I love the part of this song where they go, 'with all your faults, I love you still.'"

"Me too...I mean wow...it is amazing with all your faults, I do love you still."

"Hey, you have more faults than I do," Chandler said, giving her a pout. Monica was definitely having fun with him today and he was more than happy to let her. She deserved it.

"Naw-aww...hardly."

"Yeah...you are neurotic, a neat freak and and way too competitive. I'm just a lowly addict."

"I can drink at my own wedding," Monica said, deadpanned.

"Our wedding," Chandler shot back.

"No. My wedding," Monica said, smiling at him as he let out another laugh. This was going to be fun, amazing and he was ready.


	54. Chapter 54

**May 2001 part 2**

Soon, Monica and Chandler decided to mingle. They walked from table to table, talking to their friends and family. One of the first tables Chandler and Monica stopped at was with his family. His mom and dad sitting on opposite sides of the table. Principal Allens and Gladys sitting side by side and Carl the driver sitting as well. It was thrilling to see them.

"Chandler, sweetie," Nora said, getting up and giving him a hug.

"Thanks, mom."

"Wait, you walked out before the wedding?" Nora asked.

"Let's not discuss that," Chandler said. "Oh, let me introduce you, Monica...Mon, that's Glady's and Principal Allens...from elementary school."

"Oh," Monica said.

"You can call me John, now," Principal Allens said.

"No, I can't. Oh, Principal Allens suspended me like fifty times in elementary school," Chandler said.

"We were very proud," Nora said.

"Why?" Monica asked.

"Why do you think?" Chandler asked.

"You were a smart ass," Monica said.

"Very much so," Chandler said.

"I tried to teach him that there was a time and place for everything. Has he learned that?" Principal Allens.

"No. Not even little bit," Monica said.

"I have too," Chandler argued. "But, okay it is my wedding day and I want this on the record. Gladys admitted to me that she thought it was funny when I spraypainted "I Seymour Butts" on the the side of the wall."

"It was funny," Gladys said.

"I never said your pranks weren't funny, I just said not spraypainted on the side of the wall," Principal Allens said.

"Hmmm, you weren't specific," Chandler grinned. "Oh, and that's Carl...he was my dad's driver. When I was in Los Angeles that one summer, he drove me everywhere and he said I had a type and apparently, you were right," Chandler said.

"I thought so, nice to meet you Monica," Carl said.

"Thank you," Monica said.

"I'm sorry about Sophie," Carl said.

"It's okay. She's here in spirit. Thank you guys for being here...even you mom and dad," Chandler grinned.

After a bit more small talk, they walked towards another table to mingle. Monica stopped him about halfway and gave him a kiss.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I love seeing you happy...and you have a type?"

"Yes. You."

Monica smiled as Chandler gave her another kiss. As they walked though, Chandler stopped. He noticed him walk into the room. Chandler had not spoken to Gandalf in months. Gandalf had even bailed on his bachelor party with Tyler, Joey and Ross. Chandler had even written him off, but there he was.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, I guess he listened."

"What?"

"Ross and I paid him a visit...kinda like what we did to you before Ross' first wedding."

"I wish you hadn't done that."

"Why not?"

"I don't want him here, Mon. He...he bailed when I needed him. He said that you guys were overreacting and he showed what kind of friend he was and I don't...I don't think I want him here. I'll be right back," Chandler said as he walked off toward Gandalf. Gandalf noticed him and walked towards a waiter carrying a tray of plastic flutes filled with champagne and grabbed two. He walked over to Chandler and handed him one, which Chandler didn't take.

"Hey, buddy, happy wedding," Gandalf said.

"Why are you here?"

"Because it's your wedding. Here, a toast."

"I don't want too."

"Are you still on this sobriety kick."

"It's not really a kick. I can't drink. This isn't their thing, this is mine. If I drink...I can't...I can't...look, why are you here?"

"Because it's your wedding."

"You've barely spoken to me in three months. You didn't come to my bachelor party."

"'Cause it would've been boring."

"It was actually a lot of fun. We went out for a steak dinner. It was me, Ross, Joey and Tyler and you know what, the three of them did drink...but didn't offer me anything. They've been there for me."

"You aren't an alcoholic."

"I think I am. Look, if you don't wanna be here, don't be here. I know Monica and Ross probably said some stuff but I'd actually rather you weren't here."

"Chandler?" Monica asked.

Chandler looked and saw Monica and Ross on either side of him, both looking at him concerned and looking at Gandalf.

"You said he wanted me here," Gandalf said.

"I thought you would," Ross said, looking at Chandler.

"No...see, recently, I've learned how to tell the difference between real friends and not real ones. You're an ass Gandalf. You've always been an ass and if you wanna make fun of me, go right ahead, but leave the rest of them alone," Chandler said.

"I think you should leave, Gandalf," Monica said.

"This is ridiculous. I'm here because you two forced me-"

"I made a mistake," Monica said.

"Yeah and I always thought you were an ass too," Ross said.

Gandalf let out a snort as he glared at Chandler. Chandler was hoping that Gandalf wouldn't start fighting and he was pleasantly surprised when Gandalf handed his two champagne flutes to Ross and backed out of the room, leaving. Chandler turned to face both Monica and Ross.

"Look, you two...I appreciate both of you so much but...you can't force people into the Geller world if they don't want to be," Chandler said.

"We kinda forced you," Monica grinned.

"Awww, but I always secretly wanted to be," Chandler said as he placed his arm around Monica. He looked over at Ross who quickly downed both flutes of champagne which made Chandler laugh. "Thanks, man."

"No problem and I'm sorry about Gandalf...and Kip. I know you were friends with them."

"Yeah, but I kept the one that mattered," Chandler said.

"Thanks," Ross said.

The three walked towards the dance floor, Monica and Chandler continuing to dance and Ross going off in search of a pretty blonde he had seen earlier. Chandler noticed Monica beaming at him. They shared a kiss as they continued to dance a few more songs.

Soon they tired and walked towards Rachel and Phoebe who were looking like they were discussing something serious. Chandler had been waiting so long for this moment. Phoebe and Rachel had often made the jokes that they knew all long Monica and Chandler would marry and this would be their moment.

"So, you two gonna do your speech now?" Monica asked.

"Yes," Rachel said as she and Phoebe stood up.

"I've been waiting for this forever, Chandler grinned as he clapped his hands together. "It's why I decided to not run out."

He quickly glanced at Monica for a sign. Was it too soon?

"Too soon," Monica said.

"Sorry," Chandler said as he and Monica sat down and watched Phoebe and Rachel approach the mic and Chandler tried to put it out of his mind that one of them was pregnant and he had a feeling it was Rachel.

"Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm the Maid of Honor."

"I'm Phoebe...a bridesmaid and we both consider Monica one of our favorite people."

"Yeah...and Chandler," Rachel said.

"Yeah. He's okay," Phoebe said.

"Thank you," Chandler yelled, laughing as Monica patted his hand. Chandler continued to listen as Rachel spoke. He was struck once again by how strange it was that Rachel Green was standing there, giving a speech. Rachel...a girl he thought he would never be friends with. "So weird," Chandler whispered.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Rachel and I?"

"I thought the same thing, G-d you two hated each other," Monica said.

"I've known Mon since we were a couple of six year olds," Rachel started, "and I officially became friends with Chandler when he was twenty five, although he acted like a six year old. Chandler and I though have had a few run ins over the years. He and I actually went to camp together when I was eleven and he was twelve and he was such an awesome person. As many of you know, he's a bit prankster and he's also very protective so if you hurt one of his friends, he will prank you. That is his revenge. I wasn't very nice to one of his friends in camp so he filled my bed with peanut butter. Years later, he covered my car with peanut butter. It took two months to get out, Bing."

That made him uncomfortable, now that he knew the truth. Now that he knew why Rachel had reacted the way she had to her car being covered in peanut butter but he did like that she was making a joke of it.

"But um...despite his jokes and his pranks and he is the funniest guy I know, he's also one of the sweetest. He's always there with a hug and a kind word or a joke and I am so happy that we are finally friends and okay, in camp, you gave me a friendship bracelet," Rachel said as she held it up, "you said that if I ever needed a friend, I'd just have to look at it and know I had one. I said at the time that I would think of Sean Cassidy. Well, it's been twenty years and when I look at this, I no longer think of Sean Cassidy. I think of you."

He remembered that moment between the two of them. He hadn't known he was giving away Monica's bracelet, just some girl. He remembered them talking and feeling like they should've been better friends. He was so grateful for Rachel now.

"...and Monica...you are...I can't even...I am honored to be called your friend. You are a sister and seven years ago, I showed up needing a place to stay and you took me in with open arms, no questions asked and I will never be able to thank you enough. I love you, Mon...and okay, I have something else. Um, Phoebe and I have thought forever that Monica and Chandler would be getting married one day and I found this," Rachel reached into her purse and pulled out an old faded piece of notebook paper. "This a MASH game. If you can see it. Monica and I did this when we were high school seniors. I think we were bored. I found Monica's game. Now, I don't know if you guys can see this but okay, Monica, you were gonna live in a mansion, own a dog, live in New York, have 25 children...better get working Chandler...and you were gonna drive a Volvo and your husband...is Chandler. She loved you even then, Bing and MASH doesn't lie. I told you then I thought that one day you would be marrying him and it thrills me to no end to say these words to you...I...told...you...so. To Monica and Chandler."

Chandler picked up his water glass and clicked it with Monica's glass as they kiss, "did you really do a MASH game with me as one of your possible husbands?"

"Yeah..."

"But that had to have been after I called you fat," Chandler said.

"Yeah...I mean, you insulted me but I still thought you were cute. I can't believe she kept that. Oh, G-d," Monica said.

"Oh wow...you really did string me along," Chandler said.

"You weren't ready for me. Now, you are."

"I better be."

Monica laughed as they turned to watch Phoebe step up and start talking. He was curious as to what Phoebe would say. Would she bring up what he had done?

"Alright, Rach...okay, Chandler and Monica in many ways I owe my life too. Chandler...what a lot of people don't know and I am going to tell this and I'm sorry, Bing. I grew up homeless. I spent ten years not having a place to call my own and I managed to work a little bit and save enough money for one semester of college. I had gotten my GED years earlier. I was on the subway once coming back from class and I saw Chandler. I had actually run into him years earlier when I was sixteen. He was behind me in line at movie theater and paid for my ticket for the worst movie ever made...it was called, _Hot Dog: The Movie_. He asked for my number after and I couldn't give him one. But when I saw him again on the subway when I was twenty one and he was twenty. I told him all about my life and he ended up anonymously paying for not only the rest of my education, but my books and the state exam I would have to take. I am licensed masseuse because of Chandler Bing. Yes, he is the funniest guy in the world and he does freak out easily...but he's got one hell of a heart."

Chandler shook his head. He should have known Phoebe would never keep it a secret. It was fine with him though, he liked what he had done, loved that she was there.

"... and okay, Monica...see when I was almost done with school, I figured I would go look for a place and I saw this ad in the paper and this girl asked me to be her roommate. I had no phone number, no bank account, there was no way for her to do a background check...all she had was my word and she took me in, immediately giving me a home, giving me friends and giving me family. Monica, you're amazing and so are you, Chandler and the two of them together...I owe the world to and I also knew they would get married one day. I knew from the moment I met Chandler and the way he talked about Monica. They were friends for a long time before they got together and if Monica would date another guy, he would hate that guy and when the relationship ended. He would look at me and go, 'you don't break up with Monica. If you date Monica, you keep her and you never let her go' and he would always say, 'when I have my chance, I will do everything in power to never let her go'...Monica has also always loved him. She always knows exactly what to say to calm him down and he knows what to say to calm her down and years ago Monica told me that if she and Chandler got married, I could stand up at her wedding at say these three things. One, Monica is the worst roommate ever...I love you, but former homeless girls don't really care where the guest towels go, two...you're also the greatest friend I've ever had and three...I told you so."

Chandler and Monica clicked their glasses as Rachel and Phoebe walked back to their seats. Soon, Joey got up to make his speech. Chandler grinned knowing this was going to be good.

"Alright, what can I say about my buddy, Chandler that hasn't already been said. Probably a lot but I probably shouldn't say it, right? I actually met Chandler the day that apparently he covered Rachel's car with peanut butter. He showed up randomly at my Halloween party and even then I remember, he seemed like a good guy. He was my wing man-"

"Oh yeah...for about two seconds," Chandler recalled. It had been the quickest wing man stint ever.

"Years later, when we became roommates, I thought he was gay. Jury is still out...just kidding. Chandler is more than a best friend to me, he's my brother. I never had brothers and he's an only child so when we became roommates, I think our age stunted at like twelve. We had a lot of fun as roommates...probably way too much fun and dude, anytime you wanna come over and watch _Baywatch_ and play video games, you know where to find me. In addition to everything he did for Phoebe, he has also supported my acting career. Done everything...also, a lot of you know Chandler's been through a lot...he's dealt with a lot and he's shown that's he's got a hell of a lot of strength. I'm so proud of you, man. You've come a long way and...I'm thrilled to call you family."

Chandler smiled. He was so happy Joey hadn't dropped him as his friend. He listened to Joey talk and he felt almost guilty for how many times he had taken Joey for granted. He had screwed Joey over so many times as Joey wrapped up, he walked towards Chandler as the two men stood up and hugged, tightly.

"Thanks, Joe," Chandler said.

"Anytime, brother," Joey said.

Joey walked back to his seat as Ross stood up to make his little speech. He loved watching the four of them stand there and say things, wonderful things about him and Monica.

"...and this wedding is doubly special for me...because not only is the groom my best friend, but the bride is my little sister and the greatest sister a guy can ask for. I've watched these two from sidelines since the day they met each other and I can safely say that I don't think either one has been as happy as they are when they're together...to Monica and Chandler," Ross said.

After the speeches, Monica and Chandler parted. Chandler went to chat with Ross and Joey while Monica went to talk with Phoebe and Rachel. Ross was telling Joey all about having Gandalf leave.

"You kicked him out?" Joey asked.

"I did. I don't need him here," Chandler said.

"How are you doing? Not drinking at your wedding?" Joey asked.

"I'm okay. Today, it's easy."

"You took a beer, didn't you? From my fridge?" Joey asked.

"Did you tell him?" Chandler asked, looking at Ross.

"No, I just knew what I had. I had a six pack of beer...one was missing," Joey said.

"Amazing. Alright...I fell off the wagon. But I'm back on," Chandler said.

"Good," Joey said.

They continued talking until Chandler was informed it was time to cut the cake. He walked towards Monica who seemed involved in an intense conversation with Rachel and Phoebe. He tapped her on the arm.

"Mon, they're cutting the cake," Chandler said.

"Okay...but Rach, this isn't over," Monica said.

"Go eat cake please," Rachel said.

"Are one of you going to be eating two slices of cake?" Chandler asked, looking mainly at Rachel. She had to be the one.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Chandler," Rachel said.

"It's my wedding. I can ask as many inappropriate questions as I want," Chandler grinned.

"You're on thin ice, Bing," Rachel said.

Chandler grinned as Monica pulled him off towards the cake. The two posed for more pictures before starting the cutting. Chandler had contemplated smashing the cake in Monica's face but after what had happened earlier, he thought if he did that, she'd kill him. So he carefully cut a piece and even more carefully fed Monica a piece, not dropping a single crumb. He let out a sigh of relief but that relief was dashed quickly when he noticed the look on Monica's face. She picked up her plate and glared at him. He cocked his head to the side but before he could react, he could feel the cake being smashed into his face, Monica's tiny hand smushing it up his nose, in his mouth and eyes. Chandler laughed as he could hear the Ross, Joey, Phoebe and Rachel cheer.

"I can play," Monica grinned.

Chandler quickly retaliated by picking up his plate and smashing the cake in Monica's face. She began laughing as well. Two quickly shared a kiss, both with cake covered faces. They were going to be fine, Chandler knew it. He had no time to worry about who was pregnant. He knew that his marriage was starting off just fine.

A few days after the wedding, Monica and Chandler had two errands to run. The first was at the accountant's office. Monica and Chandler sat side by side in Daniel Kensington's office looking over Chandler's trust fund.

"So you'll split it?" Daniel asked.

"Yes. I want my wife to have a portion of my trust."

"Really?" Monica asked.

"Yes and we'll set aside some for our kids...I'm in this forever, Mon."

Monica smiled as she glanced through it, "there's Phoebe's education...and Joey's acting stuff...wow..."

"And hopefully I can finally get my pony," Chandler said.

"You're not getting a pony," Daniel said.

"One day...wait, how about a new Corvette?" Chandler asked.

"No," Daniel said.

But...okay...so Chandler and I split the trust, we'll set some aside for our kids-"

"Which they get when they're eighteen," Chandler said.

"And what if we wanna buy a house or pay for our kids school.-" Monica said.

"That you can use it for," Daniel said.

"Let me sign...Mrs. Monica Bing."

Daniel handed Monica a pen as she signed, paper after paper. Chandler watched her. This was proof. He would be there forever. She was now part of his life. They would share everything.

After the meeting, they met up with Joey, Ross, Phoebe and Rachel at the graveyard where they walked to Sophie's grave. Chandler stood, looking at the headstone, running his fingers over Sophie's name. Tears filled his eyes as Monica grabbed his hand.

"I'm not going to let you down, Sophie. I promise. I'm gonna be better. I'm gonna be a good husband, a good friend and when the time comes, a good father...I won't let you down again," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Rachel said. Chandler looked over at her as she was pulling something out of her jacket pocket. She handed it to him. It was the friendship bracelet. "Maybe she should have it."

He stared at it, his hand gripping the colorful string which had now faded, "Sophie...Monica made this friendship bracelet. She gave it to me at Rachel's New Years party that you took me to...the bracelet was for Rachel but I got it because Rachel was being mean to Monica. Monica said that whenever I needed a friend, I should look at it and know I had one. Years later, I gave it to Rachel and said the same thing. To look at it whenever she needed a friend...Rachel kept it but we're gonna give it to you...so you know...we're always thinking about you. We're always with you and you're always with us. Thank you," Chandler placed the friendship bracelet on the headstone and stood quietly, the others gathered around him. He felt a sense of peace was over him. He felt safe. He no longer needed a bracelet to know he had friends, he knew.


	55. Chapter 55

**May 2001-May 2002**

Chandler had worked hard at that first year of marriage. He wasn't sure he had worked at anything as hard as he had worked on his marriage. His marriage and his sobriety, he held those up as his top priorities. He wanted so badly to succeed at both, to have Monica not regret marrying him. The two had had an amazing honeymoon. Something so wonderful about being away from the other four. They spent their days laying out and discussing things. Important things.

"So Phoebe and Joey did have a friends with benefits relationship?" Monica asked as the two spent the day laying out on the beach. Chandler drinking Red Bowl he had gotten poured into a coconut and Monica sat drinking a pina colada.

"Yep. When she was pregnant."

"I knew it."

"Yeah. I can't believe Rachel's pregnant though," Chandler said of the news they found out just before going on their honeymoon.

"I can't believe Ross is the dad," Monica said.

"Those two really can't get it right, can they?"

"No. We so win as a couple."

"Oh, no contest. We're better than they are."

"Although...I do get annoyed," Monica said.

"About what?"

"About how much time they take up. I mean, we all got mad at you because you were being selfish but Ross and Rachel are really selfish and they don't have the luxury of saying they have an addiction. Don't say anything but...I mean-"

"I get it. But here it can be about the two of us. You enjoying your pina colada?" Chandler asked.

"Yes, you enjoying your Red Bull?" Monica asked.

"Yes and it was nice of them to put it in a coconut," Chandler asked.

"You're becoming addicted to Red Bull."

"Monica."

"Chandler. You are. You drink like ten of them a day."

"Monica, I have given up drinking, pills...of any kind...and smoking, partially...leave me alone."

"Fine. I'm just saying, you don't need more energy."

"We're still the better couple," Chandler grinned.

"Oh, yeah," Monica said. "You know they have tennis courts at the hotel. We should play."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna be a widower," Chandler grinned. Monica's mouth dropped.

"It'll be fun."

"No it won't."

"I won't throw the racquet at you this time."

"The fact that you had to end that sentence with...'this time'...no."

"Chandler."

"No because you've never been able to beat me and that makes you mad and then you throw things at me and Mon, love isn't supposed to hurt," Chandler remarked.

"What if you let me win?"

"Not a chance in hell," Chandler said.

Monica laughed as she continued sipping her drink. That's how their days were spent, lying on the beach, bantering. It was perfect. The perfect way to kick off their marriage and when they got back from their honeymoon, they settled into a nice rhythm. Rachel dealt with being pregnant and there was a moment where Joey had a crush on Rachel but that ended and Rachel ended up moving in with Ross and while both he and Monica tried to involve themselves in the lives of the other four, they were concentrating on something more important...building a marriage. There were dates away from the rest of them, movies, dinners, figuring out things that they didn't already know. It was their time. They were newlyweds and the rest could have all their drama, Monica and Chandler were happy on their own and as 2001 turned to 2002, things seemed to be better than ever for the newly married couple.

But despite all of this, there was one nagging thing. Despite all the work Chandler was doing, despite all the hard work both Monica and Chandler were doing, he felt like he was being sabotaged. Something broke between Chandler and Phoebe the day that Chandler had almost run off. He knew that but while the others forgave him, it seemed Phoebe had not and was becoming meaner and meaner to him. There were jabs about his sexuality, his attractiveness and just everything about him. He kept trying to laugh it off, make a joke about it but it was when Phoebe introduced Monica to a guy she thought would be Monica's soul mate that he thought Phoebe had crossed the line. While Monica had tried to calm him down, it still bugged him, even weeks later he could not stop thinking about it.

"She really hates me," Chandler moaned over dinner with Monica. It was now March, 2002 and Chandler had taken Monica to a sushi restaurant to celebrate her thirty second birthday. There would be a group celebration the next day, but the birthday dinner would be the two of them.

"Phoebe does not hate you."

"She introduced you to a guy that she thought would be better suited for you. I mean-"

"She was wrong to do that. Phoebe does not hate you, Chandler."

"Why is she so mean to me?"

"I don't know."

"We used to be really close, Phoebe and I. We had a lot of fun when she first moved in."

"Yeah, I thought you two were hooking up."

"We never hooked up...we kissed a couple times. I taught her beer pong. She could drink me under the table. I taught her to drive...and I thought she wanted you and I to be together."

"Well...you have to talk to her. I'll talk to her," Monica said.

"I guess...although, I am looking forward to your birthday dinner with the rest of them. Joey still feels awkward around Rachel...Phoebe hates me..."

"It'll be the best birthday dinner ever," Monica grinned, "I can't believe Joey actually developed a crush on Rachel. Like that would have ended well. Weird. Although, Ross, Joey...you've never had a crush on Rachel, have you?"

"Nope...although...I mean, she is hot...not as hot as you. You're my type."

"Thank you. Hey, Chandler, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"I was thinking...I know this sounds strange but would you ever consider moving out of the city? To the suburbs?"

"When?" Chandler asked, a little confused.

"Maybe when we have kids? Not for awhile, but maybe? I don't know...you and I both grew up outside the city and..."

"Maybe...hadn't really thought of it," Chandler said.

"Just a thought."

"Hmmm...well, happy birthday to my lovely wife," Chandler said, wondering what Monica was thinking about, but they weren't planning on having kids for awhile. So perhaps he didn't need to think about it now.

"Thank you and hey, how many months has it been now?"

"Well...if you don't count the one beer I had before the wedding-"

"I won't."

"Then it's been thirteen months. I've been sober thirteen months."

"Congratulations and I'll talk to Phoebe."

Chandler nodded as they continued to eat and share their time together. But as the months wore on, Phoebe seemed to be getting meaner to him. He wondered if Monica had said anything but never bothered asking, instead he would purposely avoid Phoebe, still reeling from that whole soul mate thing. It really killed him that Phoebe now no longer felt that Chandler was good enough for Monica.

There had been another change in the first year of marriage. One he had not seen coming ever...he had made the choice to never have children. It was his own personal choice. He had mentioned it many times and Monica had known his views on it. Sure, he said he would have kids with Monica but he would have them because Monica wanted them. He would have them because he wanted Monica but something was changing and it started with a coworker bringing her two year old daughter to work. Chandler had reluctantly agreed to watch the daughter while the co-worker went off to take care of some stuff. At first, he hated it, let the child whose name was Amy sit on the floor and play with her toys but soon Amy was at his feet, looking up at him so he picked her up, placed her on his lap and she began reaching for toys on his desk. She was amazed by the yellow plastic vibrating toy on his desk, loved banging on his computer keys. He liked playing with her and when Amy's mother came to retrieve her daughter, he missed her. It freaked him out. Could it be possible? Could he be changing?

"You want kids?" Rachel asked after the visit with the coworkers daughter. Rachel and Chandler were sitting across from each other, eating double bacon cheeseburgers. Rachel was very close to her due date and Chandler was taking advantage of their lunch dates by choosing the unhealthy places that Rachel would not go to if she had not been pregnant.

"I don't know," Chandler said. "Amy was so cute and tiny...and she had little pigtails...what the hell is happening to me? I mean, I'm married. I'm sober and clean...I want children."

A smile spread across Rachel's face as she stuck a fry in her mouth and clapped her hands together in excitement. "I am so happy. You want kids?"

"I...well, Monica was really cute when she was little. I mean, I've seen pictures. Having a kid that looks like how Mon looked when she was younger...that would be cute."

"You were a cute kid too, Bing. I have seen pictures of the bowl cut...and the one where you're eating a rock."

"I can't believe my mother showed you guys that," Chandler shook his head. It had been the rehearsal dinner and much to his shock, his parents had brought baby pictures of him. Had he not been so freaked out and upset about Sophie, he would have tried to stop it.

"You were cute...and so sweet looking. I think you and Mon having a kid, that kid would be gorgeous."

"I'd be a horrible dad."

"No, I'd think you'd be an awesome dad. I do."

"It would be kinda awesome. I think I'm there. I mean, I never wanted kids."

"I know."  
"I don't hate them, I just...I mean, it's just...I thought...my childhood was so screwed up and I thought I'd have no clue how to...but maybe..."

"Just 'cause your childhood was messed up doesn't mean you'll be a sucky dad. Hey, I don't know how to be a mom and I'm gonna have to learn fast."

"I can't wait to see your kid...hmmm, so how you doing though?"

"Ehhh...I'm still mad at you."

"Why? I didn't get you pregnant."

"You should have told me about Joey's crush on me."

"I didn't know," Chandler tried.

"Please."

"Okay, I knew but...I can't tell you what Joey and I talk about. I don't tell Joey what you and I talk about and that was something he needed to tell you."

"I felt bad."

"I know."

"Joey's sweet but...it...I don't know. When things get so complicated?"

"I don't know...I now wanna have children, apparently."

Rachel laughed as Chandler took a bite of his burger. It really began to nag at him. He thought how cute baby clothes were, how small they were. He imagined taking his kids to the zoo, the movies, showing them all of the comics he loved. He imagined taking them to Disneyland.

By the May, not only was Chandler's mind still on babies but he barely spoke to Phoebe if he could help it. Rachel was finally giving birth after what had felt like the longest pregnancy ever. Joey and Chandler kept joking to each other that it felt like Rachel had been pregnant for twelve months, but now Rachel was giving birth and Monica and Chandler were celebrating their one year anniversary, sitting in a hospital waiting.

"I'm getting a soda," Joey said, finally.

"Me too. You want anything, Mon? A Baby Ruth?" Chandler asked, grinning. Monica let out a snort. There had been a moment earlier. Chandler knew Monica had been trying to get a rise out of him. "I'm ready to have children," Monica had said. She had wanted Chandler to flip out but Monica had not known that his desire to have kids was actually getting stronger so it freaked Monica out that Chandler had not given her the response she wanted which he found funny.

"Get away from me," Monica joked.

"Dude, I'm bored. I'll race you to the vending machines," Joey said.

"Joe, you're thirty four...that is so-" Chandler began before taking off running towards the vending machines. He soon heard someone behind him. He knew it was Joey and Chandler reached the machines first and tagged them. "Ha, ha...I win. You can't hit me."

"Yes, I can," Joey said as he jokingly hit Chandler in the shoulder. "Now, buy me something, bitch."

"Fine," Chandler said as he turned to the vending machine and proceeded to get two bags of M&M's. He handed one to Joey.

"Let's go to the gift shop?"

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"Maybe we can get something for Rachel?"

"Or maybe we can buy the baby a watch so she can look at the time and hurry up and get out of Rachel's uterus," Chandler said as the two walked towards the elevators.

"I say let's do it. But okay...seriously, I wanted to ask you, you're ready for a kid?"

"Yeah...crazy, right? But...we've been married for a year, I've been clean for over a year-"

"Good job."

"Thank you...and it doesn't scare me. Having kids does not scare me."

"Terrifies me."

"It would terrify most people," Chandler grinned as they stepped into the elevator and rode it down to the gift shop. Chandler kept looking at all the little onesies, noticing how cute they were. There were little toys and bottles and pacifiers. He could almost see his younger self making fun of him. He didn't buy any of those onesies though, instead, he and Joey bought a baby doll which they decided to toss around like a football, playing, relieving their boredom. Soon, they came back to the waiting area, still tossing the doll around.

"Seriously?" Monica asked.

"What? Does this freak you out?" Chandler asked, grinning as he looked at Monica sitting next to Phoebe, he turned back to look at Joey. "Joe, go long."

"Yeah, baby," Joey said backing up as Chandler tossed the doll towards him. Joey jumped up to catch it but lost his footing on the way down and ended up falling backwards into a nurse who looked pissed off.

"This is why we don't play in the halls," Chandler said, walking towards Joey to help him.

"Boys, sit," Monica said.

Chandler and Joey sheepishly walked back to their seats and sat down, still throwing the doll which both he and Joey felt should be named Uma Mybalzich back and forth, faster and faster and pretending to get mad at each other as they threw it harder and harder.

"I'm gonna get coffee. Chandler, you wanna come with me?" Phoebe asked.

"No, I'm okay. But thanks," Chandler said as he looked at Phoebe but just as he looked away, Joey tossed the doll at his head. "Dude...gentle. Right, Mon."

"Yes," Monica rolled her eyes as Chandler threw the doll back at Joey.

"Chandler, honey, I'd like coffee. Can you get me some?" Monica asked.

"Sure, babe...Joe, you wanna come with me and get coffee?" Chandler asked, although knowing what Monica wanted. Monica wanted him to take Phoebe so they could talk, but it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Chandler, I would like to talk to you. Alone. Without Joey or Monica. Can we talk?"

"I...I don't really wanna talk to you...or talk...I don't...I just..." Chandler said.

"Wow, this more awkward than the time I professed my love to Rachel." Joey said.

"You know what...Joey, let's you and I get coffee and leave these two alone," Monica asked.

"Alright," Joey said getting up. He and Monica walked off leaving Phoebe and Chandler alone. Chandler did not look at Phoebe, instead he picked up the doll and began tossing it and catching it in the air.

"I don't hate you, Chandler."

"I know."

"I am also sorry about the Don and the whole soul mate thing. I didn't mean to activate your insecurities."

"I know," Chandler said. He was being rude. He knew that. He just wanted nothing to do with Phoebe.

"Please talk to me."

"About what, Pheebs?" Chandler asked. He stopped playing with the doll and placed it in the seat next to him, "I have apologized a lot. I have spent the last year apologizing. I have not had a single drink or a single drug in a year. I know I acted like a complete ass last year but I do not think I need to apologize for it for the rest of my life."

"You abandoned me."

"When?" Chandler asked, when had he left Phoebe?

"When you walked out before your wedding-"

"I walked out on Monica. I wasn't abandoning you and if Monica can forgive me-"

"You don't get it. If you had walked out...if we hadn't of found you, you would be walking out on all of us. Not just Monica and...I mean...I just never thought you'd be that guy and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the Don, soul mate thing and I want us to be friends again but I don't know how to move past all this," Phoebe said.

"I don't know what else to say...although that soul mate thing really hurt. You wanted Monica and I to get together. You want us to divorce now, too?"

"No. I was angry...I'm sorry, Chandler. I don't hate you."

"Then you gotta start being nicer to me," Chandler said. "I mean, you used to be nicer to me."

"Okay but then if you start to freak...please tell me. Don't run off again...please?"

"I'm not. I won't."

"You know...I think you'll make a great dad," Phoebe said.

Chandler let out a snort as he looked at the doll again, spinning it around in the seat.

"Please."

"No, I'm serious. You'll be a great dad. I mean, you'll know what not to do. You'll be there."

"I hope. Although...I think I'll be great uncle."

"Definitely can see that."

Chandler and Phoebe smiled at each other but did not get up to hug each other. Phoebe had tried and so had he. Perhaps there was no turning back now. Chandler knew they would never get back to where they were and it made him sad. When Monica and Joey finally returned, he grabbed Monica and the two began to wander around.

"So when you pictured our one year anniversary..." Monica mused.

"I know. So Pheebs and I talked?"

"And?"

"I don't...I mean, I don't know if it will ever be how it was. It's just...I've apologized a lot in the last year..actually longer...last year and three months...and I don't feel like doing it anymore. I'm sorry I walked out before the wedding. I'm sorry for all of it but I'm working hard and-"

"I know."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Of course...and you really wanna have kids?"

"Yeah," Chandler said, smiling.

"When did this happen?"

"This woman at work brought her daughter, Amy, to work and she was so tiny and cute and...she...and I wanted one. I really...I really wanted one. Something has happened over the past twelve months."

"You've become a grown up."

"I know."

"I can't believe you wanna be a dad. I mean, you were the one who was so steadfast about not wanting kids and you actually want kids."

"I've turned. I mean, I don't know what kind of dad I'll be. I'll learn how to be a good dad but I know you'll be an amazing mom and I've spent this whole past year trying not to be selfish and I'm ready to take care of another person. I mean, it would be kinda cool. I can take them to the zoo. I can...show them all the movies, I would totally take them to Disneyland. I'll teach them to cover Rachel's car with peanut butter. I wanna be a dad. I wanna have kids with you. I never thought I'd ever say that. I mean, I was gonna have kids because you wanted them and I wanted to make you happy...but I wanna have a kid and I wanna screw them up in our own individual ways."

Monica's eyes filled with tears as she walked towards him. She kissed him as the two continued to stare at each other. This was it, there was no turning back.

"I can't believe you wanna have kids. Chandler, I think you'll be an amazing dad."

"G-d, I hope so."

"We're gonna be a family."

"Yeah...and remember when you asked if I would ever move out of the city to raise kids. I think I would. I mean, yeah, my childhood was strange but we had a huge backyard and when I had enough of watching movies, I'd just run around and play...it was fun. But I want more than one kid though..."

"More than one?"

"Yeah...I always wanted a brother or sister. I was kinda sad it never happened."

"Okay...wow...I never thought...Happy Anniversary, baby."

"Happy Anniversary," Chandler said as they shared another kiss. The other four could continue with their drama, Monica and Chandler would continue to move forward in their relationship. They would become a family.

When Emma Geller-Green was finally brought into the world, Chandler could not wait to see his niece. He was an uncle. He kinda liked that. He knew his dad had brothers but he had only really met them a handful of times in his thirty three years. He was excited to actually be an uncle and after what had seemed like quite possibly the longest labor in the world which had come after the longest pregnancy in the world, that moment came. Rachel was absolutely thrilled to no longer be pregnant and looked truly exhausted as Emma was passed around. When he got his chance to hold her, he could almost feel himself choking up at the little person staring up at him. He could almost detect a smile from her. Emma was beautiful, a perfect mixture of Ross and Rachel. She had Ross' big brown eyes, Rachel's lips and perfect constantly tanned skin.

"Hey, little Emma. I'm your Uncle Chandler. I will be the best uncle ever. I swear...when your parents and aunt Monica drive you nuts, you find me, kid."

"Oh, G-d...our child is gonna cover our cars with peanut butter," Rachel grinned.

"No, no...I'll start her off small. Little pranks. Like whoopie cushions and stuff. The big pranks will come later," Chandler said, shaking his head. He had it planned. When Emma was old enough, he would teach her.

"She'll be lucky," Rachel said.

"You're gonna be a great uncle," Phoebe said.

"And a fantastic father," Monica said.

"Really?" Rachel asked, looking from Monica to Chandler.

"Seriously?" Ross asked.

"Yeah...Mon and I are gonna start trying," Chandler said, "we're gonna give you a cousin, Emma...she's beautiful, Rach. Oh and Emma, we going to have to start watching movies...soon. No niece of mine is going to grow up without knowing Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton."

"Monica's right. You're gonna be an amazing father, Chandler," Rachel said.

"Thanks. Wow, she's gorgeous. Thank G-d, she only takes after Rachel," Chandler grinned as he gently handed Emma back to Rachel. He quickly wiped the tears away from his face as Phoebe gently patted him on the back. He looked at Monica standing across from him. She was beaming at him.

That night, he and Monica made love but not just because they wanted to although frequently they wanted too, but because now they were trying. A year into marriage and the Geller-Bings were on their way to becoming a family.


	56. Chapter 56

_**Hey! Thank you to all of you who have kept up with this story! This has gotten WAY longer than I had wanted it to get so I apologize if this chapter is long, I didn't wanna divide it into two chapters and add more length! There is a surprise here so enjoy! This story is coming to a close soon...I'm thinking maybe two or three more chapters! I also hope you are all watching Go On because it's awesome and as always, I really love that outfit you have on right now and your hair looks fantastic!**_

**May 2002-December 2002**

The baby making plans had a bit of a crimp in them when Chandler involuntarily decided to work part time in Tulsa and part time in New York. It had been a few days after Emma was born and he had been sitting in a meeting, falling asleep and somehow got himself transferred to Tulsa. With the exceptions of trips to Los Angeles and Las Vegas, he had never been anywhere else in the U.S. but New York and he was one of those New Yorkers that couldn't understand why anyone would wanna live anywhere but New York, but now he was supposed to call Tulsa home at least part time. He would be flying back and forth between New York and Tulsa, running the Tulsa office. Every fiber of him hated what he was doing. He had gotten that job long ago so he could move out of his parents house. He had gotten it so he could prove that he was a fully functioning adult but now, he was thirty three years old and a high paying executive at a job he hated. Everyone else seemed to be doing things they loved. Monica was a chef at a restaurant where she had dreamt of working, Rachel was working in fashion, which was her dream. Phoebe was a masseuse, Ross was a professor and Joey was back on _Days of our Lives._ Everyone was moving forward, accomplishing what they wanted. He was thrilled with the way his life was going but there was that one thing, that one awful thing. He hated his job.

"Why don't you quit?" Rachel asked during one phone call. He was sitting in his office in Tulsa, staring off into space. He looked at his watch, it was lunchtime in New York, he missed his lunches with Rachel.

"I can't quit. I'm...Monica and I wanna start a family."

"And not being the same state as her will help speed that up?" Rachel asked.

"I can't quit...we need money."

"You have a trust fund," Rachel stressed.

"I can't...that's for when the kids wanna go to school. What about for the other stuff, like when they wanna eat and-and people like to do that at least three times a day and I've heard that it's more than three times a day for a children," Chandler stressed.

"You forced me to quit my job. I'd still be a waitress if it wasn't for you."

"No, they would've fired you eventually," Chandler remarked.

"Take the leap, Chandler. Find something you love to do...I'd always thought you'd be good at advertising."

"Advertising?"

"Yeah, you're a pretty good salesman."

"When have I ever sold anything?" Chandler asked.

"Okay, you were able to convince Phoebe to name a child after you...and even though you walked out on Monica before your wedding...you were still able to convince her to marry you-"

"That's 'cause I'm crafty and me walking out before the wedding was not because I didn't wanna marry, Monica. She knows that. It was just 'cause I don't always deal things well."

"Okay, alright, the fact that we're still your friends after you did that, after we spent three months making sure you didn't die in a pool of your own vomit...and you still convinced us to stick with you...yeah,. I think you should look into that."

"Maybe, I don't know. I just...I'm..I can't quit now-"

"And by the way, your company sounds awful. I was talking to one of my supervisors about you and she pointed out how ridiculous it was that they basically forced you to go without giving you the chance to discuss it with your wife and they're not giving you a raise or a place to stay. Who's paying for your hotel?"

"Me."

"Chandler."

It was stupid. He knew it was stupid but what could he do? If he wanted to save up for a child, he'd have to keep that job. But he did miss his friends, he missed Monica. He hated being alone, hated being apart from everyone, well most everyone. It was a scene he replayed over and over in his head. He had been standing there with all of them, saying goodbye and then Phoebe just shoved him out the door. He thought they had made some progress after they had talked in the hospital, but he had been wrong. He never thought she'd be so happy to see him go. He remembered the promise she had made once that she would never leave him. Perhaps she had broken that promise. Soon after his phone call with Rachel, he called Monica for their daily phone chat.

"She doesn't hate you," Monica groaned as Chandler was once again complaining about Phoebe.

"She shoved me out the door."

"Maybe she's upset you went to Oklahoma, that's why I'm upset."

"I lost a friend."

"You did not lose a friend," Monica said.

"Well, maybe now that I'm gone, she'll hook you up with Don, the Soul Mate."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Yeah...I guess...so...what are you wearing?" Chandler asked, quickly changing the subject.

Chandler heard Monica snicker a little and then tell him that in fact she was completely nude. He knew she was probably lying but he did not care. That's how his nights in Oklahoma were Conversations with friends and phone sex with Monica.

He had held out as long as he could, calling her. He knew Lizzie now lived in Tulsa. He knew her number but he never called. He knew Monica would be pissed if he did. Months went by where he went back and forth between Tulsa and New York and he was lonely. He found that so odd, he had gotten so used to being lonely when he was a kid. He was happy with a stack of movies and snacks, but now after being with Monica and the rest of them for so long, he had forgotten how lonely being alone could be. It was now the beginning of November, six months of being in Tulsa and he had not spoken to Lizzie but sitting there, recalling the Halloween party a week earlier where he and Monica had fought bitterly about him smoking in Tulsa, he was lonely and wanted a friend, wanted to talk to someone who had always got him and wasn't so emotionally invested in that group. So he called...he dialed her number and Lizzie immediately invited him over for dinner. He was nervous leaving his office and heading over to Lizzie's apartment. So much had changed since their last meeting. He was married, sober, clean, he was completely different but she looked essentially the same. She smiled at him as she opened the door. G-d, she looked exactly like Monica. Carl, the Driver had been right. He really did have a type.

"Come in, can I get you a drink?" Lizzie asked as she ushered him into her apartment. There were still some Halloween decorations up. He could smell something cooking from the kitchen. "I'm cooking macaroni and cheese, I remember that's your favorite."

"Thank you."

"Oh, this is my daughter, Lauren. She's twelve," Lizzie said. Chandler smiled at the brunette girl on the couch with the crystal blue eyes. She looked very much like a younger version on Lizzie. She was reading a copy of _Soap Opera's Digest _which made him smile.

"Hi, Lauren. I'm Chandler, so you like soap operas?"

"Yeah...well, _Days of our Lives_. There's this guy on it that I kinda like. He's cute."

"Dr. Drake Ramoray," Chandler said, joking. Lauren's eyes suddenly widened.

"Yes. Yeah...oh, he's really cute," Lauren said.

"He's one of my best friends," Chandler said.

"He is?" Lauren asked.

"He is?" Lizzie asked. Chandler jumped a little. Lizzie had left him standing there to retreat to the kitchen. She looked up from the pot of noodles on the stove. Chandler noticed Lizzie look a little shocked.

"You know Joey Tribbiani?" Lauren asked.

"I do. Very well...we were roommates and in fact, he officiated my wedding."

"Oh my G-d. He must be so smart in real life," Lauren said.

"Sure...depends on your definition of smart," Chandler offered.

"Is he nice?" Lauren asked.

"Yeah, he's very nice," Chandler said.

"Lauren, why don't you go to your room and read your magazine. Give Chandler and I chance to catch up," Lizzie said.

"Mom," Lauren said.

"Do what your mother says and I'll tell you the story about how Joey broke his arm jumping up and down on the bed," Chandler said.

Lauren got up and gave him a smile, a lop sided grin that threw Chandler for a loop. He had seen that smile before. But then again, she was a fan...so maybe he was being weird. Lauren walked off towards her room soon leaving Chandler and Lizzie alone.

"Oh my goodness, I forgot to offer you a drink," Lizzie said.

"It's okay. I...I don't drink anymore."

"Really?"

"Clean and sober, nineteen months. No alcohol. No drugs."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"And you're married too?"

"Yeah, Monica. We're trying to start a family," Chandler said.

"With you here and Monica in New York?"

"Yeah, we're trying an experiment...trying to make the first flying sperm child," Chandler joked.

"Oh...wait, so you know Joey Tribbiani?"

"Yeah."

"Is he...what's he..." Lizzie started, seemingly getting flustered.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm a fan too. So you were-you were roommates?"

"After Kip moved out. Ross is the only one I'm friends with from college. I don't speak Gandalf or Kip anymore...funny, never would have thought my friendship with Ross would be the one that stuck. I'm happy about that though."

"You seem happy...healthy."

"Yeah and you know what else? Remember Rachel Green? I'm friends with her?"

"No. Really?"

"Yeah...she's a completely different person than the one you remember. She just had a baby with Ross. They're not together though but Rachel is one of my best friends and she actually said something about you once."

"What?"

"She wasn't the one that dropped the toothbrush in the toilet at camp. You were and blamed her. Is this true?" Chandler asked, smiling a little. Lizzie gave him a little grin as well.

"Yeah, she's right. Julie...I think she was the toothbrush girl...was kinda mean and I dropped it in the toilet and said it was Rachel and I didn't like her either."

"Oh...I pranked Rachel for no reason. I'm fine with that, but come on," Chandler joked.

"So Joey...um...is he...dating anyone?"

"I don't think so. Why? You want me to set you up with him?"

"No. No...I..."

"What's going on?" Chandler asked.

"Nothing."

"Lizzie, come on...it's me."

"I can't. I'm sorry. Let's have dinner."

Chandler nodded but it still bugged him. Why was Lizzie so interested in Joey? During dinner, he listened as Lauren talked and when she grinned, that lop sided grin it hit him. He knew who the father was. He so vividly remembered that night thirteen years earlier when Lizzie had broken his heart. She had hooked up with someone...an actor...from Queens.

After dinner, Lauren retreated to her room to talk on the phone while Lizzie and Chandler sat across from each other. Chandler stared at Lizzie as she picked at her macaroni and cheese.

"Joey Tribbiani is Lauren's dad, isn't he?" Chandler asked, matter of factly.

"I...Chandler...it's-"

"It's Joey. I know it's Joey. I lived with the guy for six years. She has his mannerisms. She grins like him. What happened?"

Lizzie let out a pained sigh as she looked at him, "I...well, it was the summer you went to Israel with everyone and I was taking acting classes and there was this really cute guy and we got along well and...I hooked up with him and I thought we would continue to date. That's why I broke up with you. A few days after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant and-"

"He doesn't know, does he?" Chandler asked.

"Well-"

"He's like my brother. If he knew, he would do something."

"I tried calling him when I found out. I called him a lot and-"

"He never called you back," Chandler finished.

"Yes and I was embarrassed Chandler. I was mortified and I wanted...I don't know. I've never told him and-"

"What have you told Lauren?"

"Nothing. I just said that her dad and I broke up and I don't know where he is."

"She thinks he's a deadbeat dad?" Chandler asked.

"No...I...I don't know."

"Joey needs to know this."

"He doesn't have to know this...he-"

"Yes he does because if he meets her when she's eighteen...he is going to have to sex with her."

"How do you know?"

"I shared a wall with him for six years."

"I can't. I...you can't tell him either."

"I cannot keep that from him," Chandler said.

"You have too."

"No...I can't."

"It will ruin everything. I've worked hard to-" Lizzie said.

"He has a child."

"But...it's not-"

Chandler let out a sigh. This was a big deal, a huge deal. He couldn't keep this from Joey. He had to tell someone, he'd tell Monica.

"Come to New York," Chandler said.

"What?"

"Come to New York. Have dinner with Monica and I...and Joey...and tell him."

"I don't need money, I don't need anything from him...and he's a soap star, how many women have probably claimed that he's fathered their children?" Lizzie asked.

Chandler opened his mouth and quickly shut it. It was the perfect joke but probably not the appropriate one given the present company. He did have to tell Monica though, his mind was completely whirling. He needed to explain this to her.

"You had dinner with Lizzie?" Monica asked as soon as Chandler told her about his dinner that night. He had called her as soon as he walked into his hotel room, although he had forgotten that Monica might not be too thrilled with him having dinner with Lizzie.

"Yes, but listen to me-"

"Where did you have sex with her?" Monica asked.

"In the kitchen, with a butcher knife..." Chandler joked, a little taken aback by Monica's comment.

"What?"

"Oh, wait...that's not a joke I should make with you," Chandler said.

"I am going to fly to Tulsa and kill you."

"Oh, Mon...Come on, of all the stupid things you can worry about me doing, you really think I'd ever do that? I may be a drug addict and an alcoholic but I'm not a fucking idiot," Chandler said, rolling his eyes at how dumb the mere thought of him cheating on Monica would be.

"Yeah, you're right...I mean, it's not Yasmine Bleeth."

"Then you could be worried."

"No, not even then 'cause Yasmine Bleeth would totally turn you down," Monica mused.

"You take that back."

"Never...okay, why did you have dinner with Lizzie?"

"Because I have no friends in Tulsa...but that's not what I have to tell you. Okay, you know how Liz and I broke up, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, tonight...I met her daughter, Lauren. She's twelve. Her dad is the guy that Lizzie cheated on me with."

"Yeah."

"Okay...are you alone?" Chandler asked.

"Yes."

"Guess who the guy is?"

"Who?"

"I'll give you a hint...how you doin'?" Chandler said, doing his best Joey imitation. He could hear Monica gasp and he so wished he could see her expression.

"Oh my G-d," Monica said, imitating Chandler.

"I know," Chandler said, now imitating Monica.

"Does Joey know?"

"No. They hooked up, she got pregnant, she tried to call to tell him and-"

"He never called her back," Monica said.

"Exactly and I told Lizzie she needs to come to New York and tell him. I can't keep this from him and-" Chandler said when suddenly there was a beep, he looked at his cell phone and noticed it was Lizzie trying to get through, "oh, that's Lizzie. Don't hang up."

"You're gonna take her call?" Monica asked.

"Yes, and I'll click back after we have raging phone sex," Chandler said.

"Those jokes are never going to be funny with me," Monica said.

"I love you," Chandler said.

"Screw you...I'll go call Richard," Monica said.

"Fine, tell him thanks for last night," Chandler shot back as he clicked over, "hey, Liz."

"Hey, I'll come to New York."

"You will?"

"Yeah, and I'll have dinner with you, Monica and Joey. I'll tell him. Lauren needs to know and so does he. When are you going back to New York?"

"Tomorrow. I'm going straight to the airport from the office."

"Okay. I can be in New York on Saturday. How about dinner Saturday night in New York."

"Sounds good. Call me when you get in," Chandler said.

"Okay...I...this...I..."

"It'll be fine, Liz. Hey you were there for me a lot when we were going out. You did more than you needed too, let me pay you back. Monica and I will be there," Chandler said.

"Thanks."

Chandler clicked back over as soon as he heard Lizzie hang up, "Monica?"

"Yeah...how was it?" Monica asked.

"Ehhhh...alright, this Saturday night? You, me Lizzie and Joey...we'll have dinner in New York and Lizzie said she'll tell him. Just make sure Joey doesn't have other plans."

"Okay...but you have to tell Joey."

"Why?" Chandler asked.

"Because if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him. he'll be pissed and it'll be like an ambush. You have to let him know what he's walking into."

"Why can't you do it?"

"Because he likes you more than me."

"That is true...should I tell him now?" Chandler asked.

"No, I think he's on a double date. He and Phoebe set each other up on dates."

"Oh...so Mon, how you doin'?"

Monica laughed as they continued to talk. In the back of Chandler's mind though, he kept thinking about Joey. Monica was right. He could not ambush Joey. He could not let Joey walk into the line of fire. Joey had been his strongest ally for so long, been his strongest supporter. He could not let Joey walk into that.

Chandler arrived back in New York late Friday night and he spent his night with Monica. Saturday came and Chandler and Monica decided to do brunch with Joey and Chandler would tell him the news. First though was a coffee break at Central Perk, the perfect start to any day. Chandler missed being at Central Perk everyday. It made him realize once again how much he hated his job.

"Hey, Bing...can I play with your Commodore 64 later?"  
Chandler was taken aback when as soon as he, Joey and Monica had walked into Central Perk, someone had called out his name and asked about his Commodore 64. He was confused, looking at Phoebe and the curly haired guy sitting next to her and it slowly dawned on him

"Mike Hannigan. What the hell are you doing here?" Chandler asked as Mike got up to give him a hug. He tried to remember the last time he had seen Mike. It had to have been high school. He quickly put what he had to tell Joey out of his head when he saw Mike.

"I'm going out with Phoebe," Mike said.

"Cool, Mike, this is my wife, Monica and um...my buddy, Joey," Chandler said.

"Joey and I have already met," Mike said.

"Dude, we're not playing that anymore," Joey said.

Chandler looked at Joey, confused. When had they met? Although, after what he had learned in the past few days, anything was possible. Joey seemed to have had a bigger role in his past than he had realized.

"What?" Chandler asked.

"I'll explain it later, honey," Monica said, patting Chandler on the back as the three took seats. Chandler sat on the other side of Phoebe.

"So you're dating, Phoebe?" Chandler asked.

"Well...yeah, we're dating...right?" Mike asked.

"Yeah," Phoebe said.

"Pheebs is awesome...even though she hates me," Chandler grinned.

"I do not hate you," Phoebe said, rolling her eyes although Chandler no longer believed that. He was thrilled to see his old high school buddy though, immediately remembering one of his favorite high school stories, involving Phoebe.

"Oh, you know who Phoebe is, Mike?" Chandler asked. "She's the girl. Remember the blonde chick who blew me off when we went to see the Hot Dog Movie? Phoebe was the blonde chick," Chandler said.

"Really?" Mike asked.

"I didn't blow you off, Bing. Can we talk about something else?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah, Mike was supposed to come with us actually, but he didn't want to," Chandler said.

"'Cause it was a horrible movie," Mike said.

"Well, yeah...but it turns out...she was not actually blowing me off. She was homeless," Chandler said, grinning but then it hit him. Phoebe was glaring at him. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that story. It seemed that Phoebe may not have said anything yet about being homeless.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Smooth," Joey said.

"Wait...you were homeless?" Mike asked.

"You haven't told him?" Chandler asked.

"No, Chandler," Phoebe said, glaring at him.

"Crap," Chandler said.

"Honey, let's go for a walk," Monica said, getting up. Chandler nodded and stood up. "Joe, come with us."

"Got it," Joey said standing up. The three walked out of Central Perk and quickly began walking towards Toast, a breakfast place across the street from Central Perk.

"I didn't know she hadn't...well, if she didn't completely hate me before," Chandler said.

"She doesn't hate you," Monica said as the three walked in and got a table. He was still reeling from what he had revealed to Mike, hoping Phoebe wouldn't kill him when Monica gently tapped his arm.

"Joey...Chandler wants to tell you something," Monica said.

Chandler looked at Monica and then at Joey. He really didn't want to say a thing but he knew he had no choice.

"Alright...look, Joe...tonight...okay, it's a double date. Mon and I and you and Lizzie-"

"The 'oh, crap' girl," Joey smiled. "You said 'I love you', she said, 'oh crap'".

"Yeah...she lives in Tulsa now and I...had dinner with her a couple nights ago-"

"Yeah, baby," Joey grinned.

"No. She has a daughter...who is twelve. About twelve, thirteen years ago, Lizzie and I broke up because she cheated and it turned out she had a daughter with the guy she cheated on me with."

"Whoa," Joey said.

"You're the guy," Chandler said.

"What?" Joey asked.

"Joey, apparently, when you slept with her she got pregnant and she tried to call you and tell you but you never called her back," Monica said.

"No, no...that didn't happened," Joey said.

"Joe, think back. Did you hook up with a girl...who may or may not have mentioned she had a boyfriend who was out of town?" Chandler asked.

"I've hooked up with a lot of girls whose boyfriends may or may not have been out of town," Joey argued.

"Joe," Chandler said.

"No. no...this didn't happen. I don't have a child," Joey said.

"Yes, you do. I've met her. She looks like you. She's your child," Chandler said. "Lizzie didn't want me saying anything but we didn't want you to walk into this. Just..."

"I'm not going to dinner tonight."

"Joey, come on. It's at 7 at Torinos and we'll all sit and-" Monica said.

"No. I'm not doing this, no," Joey said as he got up, throwing his napkin down on the table.

"Joe," Chandler said.

"Leave me alone," Joey said as he stormed out of the restaurant. Monica and Chandler looked at each other.

"Well, that went well," Chandler said.

"Do you think he'll show up?" Monica asked.

"I don't know," Chandler said as he got up and walked out of the restaurant but it was too late. Joey had vanished. He turned back and walked to rejoin Monica. He was starting to regret telling Joey, wondering if it was possible that Joey would even show up. For the first time in six months, he almost wished he was back in Tulsa. He'd been home for less than twenty four hours and he'd already made mess out of Joey's life and quite possibly disrupted Phoebe's brand new relationship with Mike.

That night, Monica, Lizzie and Chandler sat at Torinos waiting for Joey. There was some small talk, but it was awkward. Very awkward and they were all waiting on Joey. Chandler really hoped he'd show up.

"Where is he?" Lizzie asked.

"I don't know," Chandler said.

"Did you tell him?" Lizzie asked.

"I had too...I couldn't-Monica made me," Chandler said.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"Chandler. Lizzie, I...I thought he should know. I didn't want him to be ambushed but-"

"Well, so he knows and he's not here...I flew out from Tulsa. I left my daughter at my mother's...I...I have...I'm gonna go-"

"Whoa," Chandler said, his phone going off. He grabbed it and noticed the text. It was from Joey. "He's outside. I'll be right back."

Chandler got up and walked out of the restaurant and saw Joey pacing back and forth in front of the restaurant, his hands running through his hair.

"What the hell are you doing?" Chandler asked.

"I can't go in there. I know...I remember...it was the summer of '89 and...I was taking some acting class and she-she never mentioned a boyfriend. But...I thought it was just a summer fling thing. I wanted to go Los Angeles and try to act and...I left soon after that and I...she looked like Monica, right?"

"Yeah."

"I remember it...I've spent the whole day trying to remember and I do...and...she has a child?"

"She does."

"I'm Joey Tribbiani. I can't be a father."

"Maybe you can."

"She's twelve."

"Maybe it's time to settle down. Come on, you're thirty three. You're gonna be thirty four in two months. Maybe this is a sign."

"Why didn't she try to get in touch with me? Twelve years, Chandler. She had twelve years."

"You have to ask her that."

"I don't think she ever mentioned having a boyfriend. She certainly never mentioned you," Joey said. "Sorry."

"It's alright. It's been thirteen years. I'm over it. Although, kinda funny...you kinda did what I did with Kathy. You hooked up with my girlfriend and I hooked up with yours," Chandler mused.

"No...I don't really see that as funny," Joey said.

"Let's go inside. You can do this. I mean, if I can be a married man ready to have kids...you can talk to Lizzie and do this."

Joey nodded as he gave Chandler a quick hug. The two men walked inside the the restaurant and towards the table. Lizzie and Monica looked like they had been talking when they noticed Joey and Chandler approach the table.

"Joey?" Lizzie asked.

"Lizzie...you never told me you had a boyfriend," Joey grinned, trying to make the moment less awkward.

"Well...yeah, he was out of town," Lizzie said.

"Do they know they're talking about me?" Chandler whispered to Monica as he sat back next to her. Joey sat next to Lizzie. The tension was thick, no one quite knowing what to say to each other.

"Um...Monica and I were talking and I was telling her that I give her a lot of credit that you're clean and sober...and...yeah," Lizzie said.

"I helped too," Joey said.

"Yeah...both of them. Sorry, Liz," Chandler said.

"That's okay. I'm just glad you're healthy," Lizzie said.

"We all are," Monica said.

"So...Joey...you wanna see a picture of your daughter?" Lizzie asked.

"Yes...but why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you try to get in touch with me? Twelve years," Joey asked.

"I wanted to do it on my own. I know I messed up and...'cause you never called back, I assumed you weren't ready to be a dad."

"I wouldn't have been...I'm still not, but..."

Lizzie reached into her purse and pulled out some pictures. She handed them to Joey, who began looking through them.

"She's beautiful," Joey said.

"Look, I'm not gonna ask you for money and we live in Tulsa...but um, if you want to keep in touch with her or get to know her...I can...we can arrange that," Lizzie said.

"I wanna know her. I should know her," Joey said.

"I think we should go," Monica said.

"What?" Joey asked.

"Yeah...I think...you need to take care of this," Chandler said. "Give me a call if you need it."

"Okay...and thanks guys," Joey said as Chandler and Monica stood up and walked out of the restaurant into the cold November night, leaving Joey and Lizzie to talk. Chandler placed his arm around Monica, holding her close to him. She wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Do you feel okay leaving them?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, they need to fix this...but I just realized something. At this juncture, you and I have the most normal relationship," Chandler said.

"Scary. It's just you need to be back in New York...actually, can I show you something?" Monica asked.

"Sure," Chandler said.

Monica walked ahead of him and quickly hailed a cab. He had no clue what was going on but let Monica take the lead. The cab ride took forever and soon they were on a street in Westchester. It was dark, but even in the dark, he could still see the homes which all looked amazing.

"Where are we?"

"Westchester," Monica said.

"I know, but why?"

"I wanna move here...this street, here," Monica said, getting out of the cab. Chandler told the driver to wait and got out as well, following her.

"What are you talking about?" Chandler asked as they walked, Monica stopped under a street lamp and looked at him.

"Well...I mean, I know it hasn't happened yet...I know I'm thinking way ahead but I was...I was ...I wanna move here. I wanna move to Westchester. Some day. I wanna start our family, you and me. I mean, I love the rest of them...but you and me and our kids. In the suburbs...do you think I'm crazy?" Monica asked. He looked at her and shook his head.

"Not at all."

"And we can use trust fund money for the house and...I just...I love Rachel and Ross and Joey and Phoebe and I want them in our lives forever but I also, I wanna have a grown up life with my husband and kids. I wanna have a life where I'm not consumed with worrying about Ross and Rachel or Phoebe or now Joey finding out he has a child-"

"Please, you'll always be consumed with worry about the four them."

"That's true...but...and I never thought I would say this because I love the city. I love it and I know you do too, I mean we both left the suburbs on purpose to live in the city but...I'm ready. I'm ready to be a grown up and you...you have to quit your damn job," Monica said, grinning.

"Well, now I can't...if we-"

"Chandler, come on...for the past nineteen months, you have been so brave and strong and...I actually admire you. You hate that job and that job is keep us from doing what we want. I want my husband in the same state as me, I don't think that's too much for me to ask. I want you to find what you love and...I wanna move out here and I wanna be a family and...it'll be so much easier to deal with the Ross and Rachel drama if they don't live so close."

"Mmmm, okay...yeah, I think this can work...yeah, should we tell the others?"

"No, G-d no...not until I'm pregnant and you quit your damn job and find something you like to do. You're too old to be in job you hate that much."

Chandler smiled as he and Monica shared a kiss and walked back to the cab. This was all happening. He was moving forward and best of all he was moving forward with Monica.

Lizzie and Chandler flew back to Tulsa together. Chandler headed back to his hotel and Lizzie to her apartment. Lizzie didn't really talk too much about what happened with Joey. Joey had told Chandler he was going to call Lizzie more but Chandler really didn't ask too many questions, thinking more and more about his job and how maybe the time had come to perhaps leave it.

He had felt so comfortable with that job that he wasn't sure about the risk of quitting. The trust fund money wasn't there to help him with rent, so if he quit, Monica would be the sole wage earner. Then what if they had a child...but then he thought of that child. What if they had a child while he was commuting back and forth between Tulsa and New York. He'd miss so much and he did not want to be one of those dads. He didn't want to miss watching his kid grow up.

The next month was spent wrestling with his decision. Thanksgiving came and went and soon it was Christmas and he was expected to work. He couldn't do it, sitting in that office on Christmas Eve, spending it away from his wife and friends. He wanted to be home. His thirties so far had been about taking risks. They had been about being clean and sober, about getting married, about doing things he never thought he'd do and he was so close to being completely happy. He was finally feeling comfortable in his own skin. They'd have a kid soon, he and Monica, but he needed to be home. He'd find a job he liked, maybe advertising, anything...and before he knew it, he was quitting, walking out of his office but before he left, he stopped at Lizzie's apartment.

"I quit," Chandler said.

"What?" Lizzie asked.

"I quit my job. I'm going back to New York. Come with me."

"Chandler-"

"You wanted to be an actress? Right, I listened to you sometimes...how will you do that if you're here and then what about Joey?"

"What about Joey?" Lizzie asked.

"Well...I know you've been talking. He tells me things."

"It's too weird. I'm not moving back and I don't want anything from Joey."

"He should at least meet his daughter," Chandler said and suddenly Lauren emerged from a hallway he had not seen. She looked confused, he felt very guilty. Perhaps his New Years resolution should be not springing surprises on people.

"What?" Lauren asked.

"I think you should leave," Lizzie said, glaring at him.

"She has a right to know and-"

"Go home, Chandler. I'm not moving back to New York."

"Okay...I'm sorry. Merry Christmas Lizzie and Lauren," Chandler said.

"What's going on?" Lauren asked. Lizzie shook her head and slammed the door in his face. He walked off, feeling guilty but at the same time, he needed to get home. He took a cab to the airport and took the first flight out to New York. He felt horrible about what he had done but the closer he got to New York, the smaller that seemed. He would deal with it later. Now, he was going home.

He reached the apartment and ran up the six flights of stairs as fast as he could. As soon as he opened the door, he saw the other five standing by the window, staring at the snow.

"Merry Christmas, you guys," Chandler said.

Chandler watched as the others turned to look at him, all stunned. Monica ran to him and hugged him.

"It's a Christmas Miracle," Joey remarked.

"What are you doing here?" Monica asked.

"I quit," Chandler said.

"You finally quit your job?" Ross asked.

"Yep...it was a stupid job. Look, I love my life right now. I got the best wife, forgiving and patient friends...the most gorgeous niece in the world," Chandler said as he pointing to Emma sleeping soundly in her carrier, "and Em, we are still trying to get you a cousin...I've also been clean and sober for twenty months. But I hate that job. I've hated it for eleven years. I wanna be happy in every part of my life and that includes my job," Chandler said.

"I can't believe you finally quit," Rachel said.

"I did," Chandler said.

"So what do you wanna do now?" Rachel asked.

"Not a clue," Chandler said. "But I know I don't wanna do that."

"Oh my G-d...I think I like you again," Phoebe said as Chandler let out a snort, although hoping that was true.

"Thanks, Phoebe," Chandler said as Monica kissed him again. Monica grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the window where the six continued to watch the snowfall.

"You actually just said you love your life right now?" Phoebe asked.

"Yeah...I mean, it's not good enough yet, but it's pretty damn close," Chandler said.

"Good. I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"Me too," Chandler said as he hugged Phoebe and gently kissed her on the head. He placed another arm around Monica who stood on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. 2003 was going to be good. The wonderfulness of the holiday season was quickly dashed by Joey's phone ringing.

"It's Lizzie," Joey said.

"Oh...um, before you take that, I may have accidentally told Lauren that you were her dad," Chandler grinned.

"What?" Joey asked.

"Merry Christmas," Chandler said.

Joey glared at him as he flipped open his phone and put it up to his ear, "hey, Liz. What's up? Yeah, Chandler's here...he's enjoying the last few moments of his life. Yeah, he told me," Joey said as he walked off towards the kitchen table to continue talking to Lizzie. Chandler bit his lip, Monica was going to say something when Phoebe's phone went off as well.

"Mike," Phoebe grinned, grabbing it and walking towards the couch, plopping down as she continued to talk to him. Rachel and Ross soon tired of watching the snow as well and walked towards Emma. Monica and Chandler turned to watch all of them. Joey talking to Lizzie. He was smiling which Chandler took to be a good sign. Phoebe seemed giddy as she was talking to Mike and Ross and Rachel could not stop staring at Emma.

"I think they'll be fine," Monica said.

"Yeah, so will we," Chandler said.

"I know," Monica said as they stood continuing to watch their friends. Each one seemed to be moving on as well and soon it would be there turn. Soon it would be 2003 and new changes would be coming, changes that would start to take all of them in different directions.


	57. Chapter 57

**February 2003-April 2003**

He was old. That was what Chandler was getting from his new internship at Miller Benanti Advertising. After quitting his job, he spent two months being unemployed which he had enjoyed for awhile He had never really known the thrills of watching television in the middle of the day but when he got a call from a friend of Tyler's who owned an owned advertising firm, he took that friend up on the meeting. He couldn't remain unemployed forever and he knew he'd have to start at the bottom but what he didn't realize was that at thirty three almost thirty four, he was practically geriatric compared to the other interns and when he had to come up with a campaign for the ugliest sneakers he had ever seen in his life, he was at a loss and when Tyler took him to lunch on one of his first days, he let that known.

"Why did you not tell me how young these people are?" Chandler asked.

"Well, you're an intern. People usually aren't interns in their thirties."

"Why didn't you say your friend is two years younger than us."

"He's still cool;...but you like the job," Tyler said.

"I kinda do," Chandler said and it was the first time he could ever admit that about a job. He really liked it. He liked being creative, liked thinking of promotional packages and despite how much he hated those white sneakers with roller skates on the bottoms and yellow flames on the sides, he would think of a campaign. He couldn't be an intern forever.

After meeting with Tyler, he headed home to work on the campaign, rolling around in the shoes, trying desperately to think of something but he just couldn't stop thinking about how ridiculous he must look. He decided that maybe he needed to go down to Central Perk, a flash of brilliance he thought...wear the shoes down to Central Perk and maybe inspiration would strike. So with griping the railing as tight as he could, he went down the six flights of stairs. He was very impressed with himself when he did not crack his head open although there were a couple close calls including one when reached the door of Central Perk. Just as he opened it, Ross stormed out not paying attention and nearly knocked him down.

"Whoa, whoa...calm down there sparky," Chandler said as he managed to get his balance again and rolled over to the small wooden table where Phoebe was sitting. She looked rather upset until she seemed to notice what he was wearing.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Phoebe asked.

"You know I got that advertising internship? Well, I have to figure out how to sell these shoes and...well I'm almost thirty four years old and I hate them...so I figure I'd wear them and pretend like I'm ten years younger and love them."

"And?"

"Not quite working. What was up with Ross?"

"Alright...remember I told you that story about how I mugged a kid in Long Island and then used the money to buy a dress from Rachel's aunt's store?"

"Yeah," He said, remembering that story fondly. He and Phoebe had spent the Fourth of July weekend together. They had gone on jet skis. That had been an amazing weekend.

"Turns out...Ross was the kid."

"Are you joking?" Chandler asked. That was strange, he also could recall Ross telling that story about being mugged. He said it had been by some big burly dude...and unless there was something else Phoebe wasn't telling him, Chandler was pretty sure Phoebe was never a big burly dude.

"No and I just told him and he didn't handle it well. Well, no...he handled it like Ross. It's just...it was my first mugging."

"Well, thanks for not mugging me," Chandler said, making a mental note to tease Ross about it later.

"No, I thought you were cute."

That made him feel a little happy. She had actually liked him. She liked him enough to not mug him.

"Thanks. Explain it to him," Chandler said.

"That you're cute?"

"No, he knows that. It's obvious he thinks I'm dreamy. Talk to him about the mugging," Chandler said.

"I tried-"

"Try again. You know it takes more than one time to get through to Ross," Chandler said as he stretched out his his legs and stared at the shoes, shaking his feet back and forth. How the hell would he even begin to sell these?

"You seem happy. You enjoying your internship?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, but what am I gonna do? I feel so old. One of the kids looks like the kid who jumped into the pool naked during the first episode of the _Real World: Hawaii_ and they don't even know who Laurel and Hardy are or who Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton were? How do they not know?" Chandler asked as Phoebe laughed although he did not find it funny. It was rather distressing to him that these kids did not know the brilliant comics of the past.

"You may have to show them," Phoebe said.

"Seriously. I may have to bring a projection screen into the office tomorrow. It's not acceptable and how the hell am I gonna sell these?"

"Well, they don't look comfortable."

"Oh, they aren't. I feel like my father breaking in a pair of heels," Chandler mused which made Phoebe laugh more. Chandler grinned as Phoebe laughed her signature, loud laugh. "I miss that sound."

"What?"

"I miss making you laugh like that," Chandler said. "I don't feel like I've made you laugh like that in a long time."

"You have...I just have been keeping it inside," Phoebe said.

Sure there had been his birthday when he had done stand up. Phoebe had laughed, but this was different. This was one on one. He missed her a lot, missed just laughing with her.

"Oh...well, don't do that. I hate these shoes. I can't believe I...I came all the way down here in these shoes and I-"

"Wait. you went down six flights of stairs in those shoes?" Phoebe asked.

"You know I like to live on the edge," Chandler said.

"But that just sounds really dangerous."

"Hey, I have not had a drink or a pill in two years. Don't make give up doing every stupid thing I would like to do or think to do," Chandler said, feeling a tad annoyed. He could not be expected to give up all stupid things. That would be asking a lot and he thought giving up drugs and alcohol would be a good enough compromise.

"Fine, then can I be the first to sign your body cast when you break every bone your body from wearing those shoes?"

"Sure."

"Can I choose the color of the cast?" Phoebe asked.

"There's not a chance in hell."

"Damn," Phoebe grinned.

"In fact none of you will be allowed to pick the color of my full body cast. I trust none of you" Chandler said.

"Not even Monica?" Phoebe asked.

"I trust her least of all. She'd probably make it pink and then get them to spray paint, 'I'm an idiot,' across the front," Chandler said.

"I could see that...but you know, hey, you still smoke from time to time. So you still haven't given up everything stupid."

"Don't argue with me while I'm wearing these shoes...'cause I realized that when I fall, my legs can kick really high," Chandler said. Phoebe started to laugh harder and Chandler was just beaming. It had been a long time since they were this comfortable. "Hey, in all seriousness," Chandler began, "you know what you should do. Take Ross to the junkyard."

"You think that will work?" Phoebe asked.

"Yes, It's hard to imagine how hard your life really was until you're seeing it, you know. I know it made an impact on Monica and I and Rachel and Joey...Ross is the only one who hasn't been there, right?"

"Yeah. But you guys asked to see it. He's never asked and-"

"Maybe you need to show him. I showed him how I grew up," Chandler said, sure Ross had shown up when he had been struggling in college with drug use, but he wasn't sure Ross would have gone on his own. He had never asked to see it. So maybe...he forced Ross to see it. That could work.

"Chandler, that wasn't a house...that was a commune."

"It got really lonely...a lot. Could you imagine being an only child in that house? With parents like mine," Chandler said. He knew Phoebe probably didn't get it and he got that but he never felt like his house was ever a home.

"Yeah...that would be lonely...and I know that wasn't a home, but it's just-"

"You need to show him. He's not gonna ask. Take him. That's my advice," Chandler said as he continued to stare at his shoes, thinking, figuring out ways to sell them.

He did eventually find a way to sell them. It was the winning idea. He was good at this, good at advertising. He was good at his old job as well but now he was good at something he really liked. Sure, he was older than most of the people in the office, but it was okay, he was alright with that at least outwardly.

Things were also improving in his friendship with Phoebe. It seemed him quitting his old job was something she very much approved of. Their friendship was going well, very well and when Mike and Phoebe had decided to move in with each other, he thought this was fantastic. He even began including Mike in lunches when he'd meet Tyler.

"You and Pheebs are getting serious," Chandler said over a lunch. This was amazing to him. He loved that Mike was back in his life. He had been far closer to Tyler than Mike in high school, but he still thought Mike had been a pretty cool guy. He liked having one more friend to add to his group.

"I know. I like her...she's very hot," Mike said.

"And she can drink you under the table," Chandler shook his head, recalling all those wonderful moments when Phoebe had first moved in, "she...I taught her how to do a jello shot. She still can't beat me in beer pong."

"Although, you can't play that anymore, can you?" Mike asked.

"No," Chandler groaned.

"We did beer pong at your bachelor party," Tyler said.

"No, no we didn't...we played Red Bull pong on the roof of my building. It's not the same," Chandler said.

"Actually, speaking of bachelor parties and...well...weddings...remember the other day when Monica made that groomie joke?" Mike asked.

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"Do you think Phoebe wants to get married?" Mike asked.

"I don't know...I think she might. Why?" Chandler asked. He had told Monica to not tease Phoebe about that in front of Mike, knowing Mike was just as freaked as he had been about marriage but Monica hadn't listened.

"I'll have to talk to her about that. See, you know, first marriage was a disaster. I can't get married again...I'm not going to-"

"Mike, if I can get married...and seriously consider having children-"

"Yeah, who the hell thought that would ever happen," Tyler joked.

"Not me," Chandler said.

"I can't..." Mike said.

"Dude, you dated your step sister...you can date Phoebe," Tyler said.

"Wait...what?" Chandler asked a little stunned as to the direction of this conversation.

"She wasn't my step sister and our parents had divorced a long time ago and-"

"I really need this explained to me," Chandler said.

"When I was in elementary school and junior high, my parents divorced and my mom moved to Beverly Hills and took me, she married some lawyer guy there...then they broke up, my parents got back together and I began high school with you guys...but I went to college in Los Angeles and I met up with the girl who used to be my step sister...she was in high school and we dated," Mike said.

"Was she eighteen yet?" Chandler asked.

"No," Tyler said.

"Whoa...statutory rape and incest...that's awesome," Chandler said.

"It was neither one of those things and I was eighteen and she was seventeen, it wasn't that bad. We dated for awhile and then broke up and then I marry a crazy lady who...no, I will never get married," Mike said.

"Come on, you and Phoebe are perfect together. You dated your step sister, she carried her step brother's triplets. It's a match made in heaven," Chandler said.

"No. I refuse to get married again," Mike said.

"She might want that," Chandler said.

"Then...I...we may have to talk."

"Well, the rest of us are moving you in on Sunday. Do it quick," Chandler said, feeling a little nervous about how anti-marriage Mike was. His gut was telling him he should warn Phoebe, that maybe this wouldn't end well. He wasn't sure who he could confide in about this. He had a feeling Rachel or Monica might tell, he knew Joey would. He could talk to Ross but maybe Ross might say something. He just wanted so badly to be wrong. He had seen Phoebe go through so much heartbreak, so many tears and he hoped maybe this time might be different.

Of course, instinct was strong and he knew he should have trusted it, especially standing there with Joey and Monica after having carried Mike's couch up four flights of stairs. They walked in and Mike and Phoebe were talking and soon breaking up. His heart broke and Mike soon left the apartment, giving Chandler a look as he left. Phoebe's face fell. Chandler wanted to throttle Mike. As Joey, Rachel and Monica ran to comfort Phoebe, surrounding her, Chandler stepped back.

"I'll be right back," Chandler said as he walked out, passing Ross as he walked back into Phoebe's apartment. Ross said something but Chandler didn't listen. He caught up with Mike as he was walking down the flights of stairs.

"Don't talk to me, Chandler," Mike said as Chandler appeared next to him.

"No, bullshit. First, I told you to talk about this before today. Joey and I are taking a knife to your couch...second, what the fuck? Phoebe is amazing and awesome...when she first moved in with Monica, those were the most fun five months I'd had ever. You are an idiot."

"I don't want to get married. I'm allowed to not get married and I especially don't wanna get married into this crazy group. They never leave."

"I know, isn't it fantastic?" Chandler asked. "Look, I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to have children. I was fine with the idea that I would probably die alone but then I met someone who completely destroyed that idea. I never want to be without Monica. I wanted to marry her because I did not want her marrying anyone else. She was worth me changing everything I believed and it took work, believe me. There are five people up there who would vouch for that. You're telling me Phoebe isn't worth that?"

"Yes, Phoebe's worth that which is why I don't want to get married. If I lost Phoebe-"

"You just did and you also lost your friendship with me," Chandler said.

"What?"

"It's Phoebe or you, I choose Phoebe every time."

"I thought you were convinced she hated you?"

"She does...still choose her. She's fearless. Amazing. Man, I can't believe she's survived the crap she's survived. She deserves better than you. You're too much of a coward."

"I'm not a coward," Mike said as they reached the front door. Mike glared at him.

"Yeah. Well, maybe you should call your step sister and see if she's available for a quickie," Chandler grinned.

"You want me to hit you?" Mike asked.

"Sure...but I think you'd be too big of coward to do it. Besides you hit me, I tell Joey...you're a dead man."

"It's a weird relationship you guys have," Mike said.

"Yeah...it's awesome," Chandler said as Mike rolled his eyes and walked out of the building. Chandler turned and stared at the stairwell, walking up the four flights of stairs. He reached the front door and walked in. Phoebe was crying with the others comforting her.

"Hey, Phoebe," Chandler said, approaching her.

"Where did you go?" Phoebe asked.

"It's...no where," Chandler said, as he placed his arm around Phoebe.

"Did I ruin your friendship with him?" Phoebe asked him, staring at him with tear filled eyes.

"Don't worry about it, it wasn't much of a friendship. You know, I choose you," Chandler said as he hugged her, tightly, gently kissing her on the top of the head.

"I found it," Ross said. Phoebe and Chandler stopped hugging and looked over at Ross who had walked towards the DVDs by Phoebe's television. He was holding up the Hot Dog Movie.

"No," Rachel whined.

"You got the DVD?" Chandler asked.

"It's got deleted scenes and extra footage," Phoebe said.

"Really?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, this is gonna be awesome. Will you sit with me?" Chandler asked.

"Yes," Phoebe smiled as the two walked over to the couch and plopped down.

"At least, can we make slow death punch?" Rachel asked which suddenly forced all eyes on Chandler. He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you can make slow death punch," Chandler said.

"You sure?" Monica asked.

"Yes," Chandler said.

"I have Red Bull in the fridge," Phoebe said.

"You do?" Chandler asked.

"Of course...so when you come over, you always have something to drink," Phoebe said.

"You do like me," Chandler grinned.

"I do," Phoebe said as Chandler hugged her and placed his arm around her. Phoebe let out a sigh as she placed her head on his chest. Ross began setting up the movie as Rachel went to help Monica in the kitchen. Soon the drinks were ready and everyone else sipping on the slow death punch while Chandler drank Red Bull.

"You sure you're okay?" Monica asked as she sat next to him.

"Yeah, I got the Hot Dog movie, Phoebe doesn't hate me...Rachel's annoyed that we're watching this. Perfect," Chandler said.

"I think we'll have to watch this more than once," Phoebe said.

"Seriously?" Rachel asked.

"I'm in pain, Rachel," Phoebe said. Rachel let out an annoyed sigh as the movie began. Both Monica and Phoebe snuggled up next to Chandler as he held both of them. It felt nice, very nice. He didn't even mind that everyone around him was drinking, he was comfortable and Mike could go screw himself and his step sister for all he cared. Mike obviously had poor decision making skills. Chandler was just happy that things were finally calm and his friendship with Phoebe was finally renewed.

That happiness was short lived though. Chandler and Ross had gone to Vermont for the weekend. Chandler had booked the trip for himself and Monica to celebrate the fact that he had gotten a paying job at his advertising firm. On his thirty fourth birthday, he was offered a Junior Associates position at Miller Benanti which was even better than he had anticipated. He'd be working on accounts, coming up with ideas, being creative, funny...it was perfect and he had wanted to celebrate with his wife but Monica had to work at her restaurant. They were completely booked and she couldn't come so he took Ross to celebrate. It was almost the same...yet, not quite and when he and Ross arrived back home, his happiness was quickly deflated when Phoebe began bragging about how she had played in front of Monica's restaurant.

He didn't want to be upset. Phoebe had been fired before from her masseuse job but now she had her license suspended. Monica kept glancing at him as they all sat in Central Perk and Phoebe was talking about what had happened. He could feel anger bubbling inside him. He never really lost his temper. He had always felt he had been good at holding it together when it came to that. Anger for him meant sarcastic jokes, but as Phoebe so casually talked about her license being suspended, talked about almost affecting Monica's career, it angered him. He didn't want to use that leverage but he had paid for her education. Yes, the original intent had been self serving but he had still done it. He had worked so hard, especially in the past two years and two months. He had remained clean and sober, despite every single day wanting to drink. He had completely changed careers and had done such a good job that he had been offered a higher paying position than an assistants job that he had initially applied for. He was married. He had done everything just so people would stop getting on his case. He was fine yet no one said a word to Phoebe?

"Wait...you played in front of Monica's restaurant?" Chandler asked.

"She didn't want me to...but I did anyway," Phoebe said.

"Huh, when are you getting your license back?" Chandler asked, ignoring Monica touching his knee. He knew she was doing it to shut him up but he was in no mood to be shut up. He couldn't even celebrate his new job with his wife the way he had wanted to because she had to work and now Phoebe's antics were pushing him to the edge but this time, he could no longer drink or take anything.

"I don't know...soon, probably," Phoebe said.

"Hmmm, yeah, that was money well spent, right?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"Excuse me?" Phoebe asked.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"Wow...suddenly, I want a cookie," Rachel said.

"Me too," Joey said.

"I'm right behind you," Ross said.

Joey, Rachel and Ross got up and immediately walked towards the counter, leaving Phoebe, Chandler and Monica alone.

"What is your problem?" Phoebe asked.

"Nothing," Chandler said.

"Guys, you've been getting along so well...let's not ruin it," Monica said.

"You obviously have a problem with me," Phoebe said.

"I have no problem with you...and it doesn't really matter anyway because I know I'll somehow end up apologizing because it will be my fault," Chandler said.

"Chandler, I've had a very difficult few months. Mike and I broke up and..."

"I know...just...when I hear stories like when you got fired or you know...you got your license temporarily suspended...it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside that I paid for your entire education using my money. Nothing makes me feel better or more appreciated," Chandler could barely control himself. He had worked so hard, so friggin' hard. When was it someone else's turn to work hard or to get crap from the others for messing up... although he knew he'd eventually have to apologize even though he wasn't sure what he had done this time. He was sick of apologizing.

"Chandler, this has nothing to do with you," Phoebe said.

"It has everything to do with me," Chandler said.

"I tell you all the time that I appreciate what you did for me," Phoebe said.

Their voices were getting louder as people began to look at Phoebe and Chandler. Monica sunk deeper into the couch, her head in her hands.

"Show me," Chandler said. "Don't say it. Show me. Don't get fired or suspended-"

"Joey gets fired all the time and you pay for his stuff," Phoebe said.

"That's different. He's an actor, actors get fired from stuff and what I've spent on head shots and acting classes comes nowhere near to what I spent on you," Chandler said.

"I can't...you really are gonna hold the trust fund money over my head for the rest of my life?" Phoebe asked.

"If you keep fucking up like this I will," Chandler said.

"Chandler," Monica said.

"It's been a rough few months for me. I'd like some compassion," Phoebe said.

"I can't...I have to go," Chandler said, shaking his head and getting up. He began to walk toward the door. He needed leave, go somewhere. He wasn't sure where. He had to go somewhere.

"Oh, look...it's Chandler doing what he does best. Walking away and avoiding the problem completely," Phoebe said. Chandler stopped. Was she joking? This was too much. All he had done in the last twenty four months was face his problems. The therapy sessions, rehab and AA meetings. He had faced everything. He turned, not caring that people were staring at him.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? This is gonna be my fault, again? I have been sober for twenty four months...which by the way, thanks guys and I am so sick of this. I have worked so goddamned hard to prove myself. I'm the only one of the six of us that has never been fired. I quit my job and somehow went from an unpaid internship to an an associates job. So obviously, I am doing something right. I am sick of apologizing and Phoebe, this isn't my fault. You lost your job. You lost your career. I'm sorry about Mike, really I am...but you're gonna go in front of Monica's restaurant and try to make money by singing? You're gonna sabotage her career? Newsflash, Pheebs...your singing sucks. They didn't doctor your voice in the Smelly Cat video because you were Celine Dion."

"Chandler," Monica said getting up and walking towards him. Chandler ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. He had gone too far again, he was sure. He'd apologize later.

"I have to go. I can't be here...everyone, enjoy your coffee. I need to go," Chandler said, walking out. He turned and walked into the building and up to the roof. He couldn't drink anything which truly sucked. He sat, breathing heavily as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and stuck it in his mouth. He lit it and inhaled deeply.

"Smoking?" Monica asked.

Chandler stared straight ahead as Monica sat next to him He wasn't going to extinguish the cigarette. He didn't care. If Monica wanted to yell about how bad it was, he'd tell her off too.

"The choice was drinking or smoking. I chose smoking. Sobriety wins again, mother fucker," Chandler said, staring straight ahead. Monica let out a laugh as she shook her head.

"Chandler."

"I am not apologizing."

"I know, you don't have too."

"I have worked so hard, Mon. I've..."

"I know, you have. I've noticed and I'm so proud of you."

"She played in front of your restaurant. She got her license suspended...how come no one yells at her for the stuff she does?" Chandler asked.

"I did. I got mad."

"When can we move? I hate everyone here except you."

"Even Joey?"

"Of course not...I wanna move to the suburbs with you and Joey. We can put Joey above the garage of our house-"

"Well, what about Lizzie? He's been talking to her a lot lately...and Lauren."

"We can make it a two bedroom apartment above the garage."

"Just as I've always dreamed," Monica mused, "to live with my husband, his ex girlfriend...and Joey. Look, Chandler...forget them and you know what? Phoebe did not almost wreck my career. I have a pretty solid reputation and-"

"I hate that I held the money over her head but it's..."

"Maybe you have to stop looking at it like you paid for her education? You paid for her to have a life and she got one because of you...and me."

"I guess," Chandler said as he took a long drag on his cigarette and continued to stare off. He would need to talk to Phoebe alone, he knew that. He hated what was happening to their friendship. He had thought they were friends again, but maybe they weren't. Maybe they were too far gone.

He found her at that junkyard. He had gone to her apartment to talk to her but she wasn't there, so he went to Port Authority where she used to live and soon on a hunch, headed over to that old junkyard that Phoebe had once shown him and Monica. He saw her sitting there in an old burnt out Buick. He walked towards Phoebe, saying nothing. He didn't know what to say as he sat beside her.

"Mike's an ass...just so you know. He's an ass," Chandler said.

"Yeah...I'm sorry," Phoebe said.

"I know. Me too."

"How are we gonna fix this? Fix what's happening between us? 'Cause that hurts more than losing Mike."

"I don't know, Pheebs. I don't know."

Phoebe felt the tears come again and this time she could not stop crying. Chandler placed an arm around her as she fell into him.

"I'm sorry and you know I appreciate you Chandler and I like a lot and...I know I haven't been that great to you but I don't want our friendship to end," Phoebe cried.

"Me neither."

"What are we gonna do?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler shrugged as the continued to sit, watching the sun set in the distance. Soon it got dark and the quietly walked towards the street, hailing a cab. They took to Central Perk where the others were. Before getting out, they exchanged a look in an almost unspoken truce. They would tell the others that they were fine, but neither one quite knew if they would ever be fine again.


	58. Chapter 58

**May 2003**

They lay side by side, neither one could sleep. It had been Emma's first birthday and the two forgone their romantic trip to Vermont to celebrate their niece and now they could not sleep. They were playing instead. They had decided to postpone their trip and now were just enjoying their alone time, playing a game that had become a secret. Monica had a pad of paper and a pen and was writing furiously. Chandler as always thought the whole thing was funny, yet he happily played along, he always did. This was Monica's thing, discussing what parts of them their kid would have.

"So okay, our kid will definitely have blue eyes," Monica said as she wrote it down.

"My hair," Chandler said.

"No, mine," Monica said.

"People would kill for this kind of conditioning," Chandler said, pointing to his head.

"Who?"

"People...of America. Okay, fine...the kid will have your hair. My nose."

"No, my nose," Monica said. "Your eyebrows."

"You're giving me eyebrows?"

"That's important."

"My hair, your nose," Chandler said.

"Fine."

"My ears," Chandler said.

"Alright, that one I'll give you."

"And my elbows."

"Your elbows?"

"I have sexy elbows," Chandler said.

"Says who?"

"People. I've heard it in the streets," Chandler stressed. It was a great game, both completely oblivious to the time. Spending time with their niece had made their desire for a child stronger. "My legs too. I have the legs of dancer."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do," Chandler said.

"Fine, you have the legs of dancer. You cannot give our kid all your body parts...wow, that is a creepy sentence," Monica said.

"Alright...I like your skin tone better than my skin tone."

"So between practically albino and getting real close to an albino?" Monica asked.

"Practically albino," Chandler said, pointing Monica.

"Okay, my skin tone and my organizational skills."

"You give them that and I will give them my sense of humor."

"Alright...my competitiveness."

"I will divorce you and leave you for Joey," Chandler said, deadpanned which made Monica laugh as she looked at him. "Your smile."

"With your dimples," Monica said.

"Phoebe's laugh," Chandler said.

"That's not possible."

"We'll train the kid."

Monica laughed as she continued writing. When she finished, she suddenly got quiet as if pondering something more serious. She thoughtfully chewed the end of her pen as she looked at him.

"Hey...I have something else...more serious, have you thought...what if our kid has the gene? What if they...struggle with their weight and develop bulimia like I did or what if they become an addict like you?" Monica asked. That quickly put a damper on the fun they were having. It had been something Chandler had thought of. The what ifs...what if their kid became an addict or developed a disorder?

"I think...it's possible...but I think our kid will be lucky. They're gonna see two parents who work really hard everyday of their lives. You haven't done-"

"No...no, but if our kid is heavy and you call them fat then-"

"I won't and if our kid goes to a party, I will be honest and say that if there's alcohol there, they may not want to drink.. They have a dad who has an addictive personality and it's up to them. Monica, no one will work harder than the two of us."

"Okay, it just scares me."

"I know...but we'll deal with it like we've been dealing with it."

"When's this gonna happen for us? It's been a year. This is fun but...when's this gonna happen?" Monica asked.

"I don't know," Chandler said as Monica looked back at her list. She reached towards her nightstand and grabbed a picture of them that had been taken from their second anniversary a few weeks earlier. They were smiling, holding hands. Chandler smiled as Monica appeared to be studying the picture. He watched as she drew what appeared to be a mixture of the two of them. Monica was most certainly not an artist, but it was the the greatest drawing he had ever seen. This would happen, it would have to happen. It was a promise he had so long ago made Monica, that he would do anything to make her happy and he fully intended to keep that promise.

He should never have taken that stupid test. He should never have answered that damn phone. It was a stupid, stupid test. "Oh, we should just make sure," Monica had said a few days after Emma's first birthday..It seemed so easy, all he had to do was pee in a cup. He did and then came that phone call. He never answered the phone. It had been a long running joke within the group of friends. Joey and Monica for obvious reasons had always had the most fun with it. If the phone was ringing and Chandler was near it, don't expect it to be picked up. Chandler had always played the, "I grew up alone and the phone was never for me" card which never worked. But that day, sitting there reading a magazine, he picked up the damn phone and got that news.

"Is there something wrong with me? You?" Monica asked as she walked into the apartment. Chandler stared at her. He could not tell her. The one thing she wanted. The only thing she had ever wanted. He flashed back to when he had driven her home after she and Rachel had partied with him and Ross in college. Monica and Rachel were still in high school. Monica had told him how his Corvette was not family friendly. She told him even then at seventeen how she wanted kids.

"Both of us," he said, quietly.

"What?" Monica asked.

"You have a hostile environment and I have lazy sperm," Chandler said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Meaning...my sperm won't get off its barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do."

"Chandler."

"It means, we can keep trying but there's a good chance this may never happen for us," Chandler said.

"Oh my G-d," Monica said as she walked towards him, he immediately embraced her, holding her tight, kissing her head.

"I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

"Me too," Monica said as she was crying. He could feel her shaking in his arms He felt like a failure, a huge failure. The one thing she wanted, he couldn't do. "How come...this isn't fair."

"I know."

Monica looked up at him, tears streaming down her. "No, fuck...this isn't fair. Phoebe gets pregnant in like two seconds as a favor and gives the kids away and...Rachel gets drunk and Emma...Emma's a product of a one night stand between the most unstable couple in the world. We want this. I want this. Why can't I have this?"

"I don't know," Chandler said, staring at Monica. He wanted to do something, anything as Monica stepped back from him. She walked towards the bedroom as he followed her in. She grabbed the list that they had been working on, the list of qualities and features that they wanted their child to have. She stared at it and crumbled it up in her hand.

"I guess we don't need this."

"Mon...we can still keep trying...or maybe we can get someone else. You feel like having a one night stand with Richard?" Chandler asked. Monica cocked her head to the side and stared at him.

"Seriously, Bing."

"I'm sorry."

"You never even wanted kids. I wanted them. I wanted them more than any of us. Joey fucks some chick like fourteen years ago and fathers a child he didn't even know about."

"Monica," Chandler said, quietly. He knew she was upset but it irked him to hear Lizzie be referred to as "some chick."

"Sorry...but why is it so easy for everyone else. Rachel has a child out of wedlock. She didn't even want Emma and Phoebe got pregnant as a favor. All I wanted...the only thing and...more than marriage, more than my own restaurant...more than anything. I want to be a mom. I wanna look our child with blue eyes and fair skin and...have them tell me jokes like their dad and clean up their messes...and I wanted a kid. I wanted...this isn't fair. I would be a good mom," Monica said, sobbing. She fell onto the bed. Chandler tried to remember if he had ever seen her cry like this. He had seen her upset. He had seen her cry, but this...this was different. He walked over to her and sat beside her, placing an arm around her as she fell into him.

"You will be a great mom. We'll figure this out Mon...I guess I'll have to stop watching porn. Have to conserve," Chandler said. Monica looked up at him, she smacked him as he gave her a smile, "my wife was put on this earth to be a mom."

"I don't wanna...see, this is why I said stop smoking. If you hadn't smoked...this... no, I'm sorry-"

Chandler nodded. It did make him wonder though, maybe it was his smoking? But the doctor hadn't said that. The doctor had said it was both of them.

"I wanna be alone," Monica said.

"Okay."

"I don't wanna tell 'em. I don't wanna say it."

"I'll tell them," Chandler said.

"Thank you...and I'm sorry for blaming you...it's just-"

"It's okay," Chandler said.

"You wanna see something?"

"Of course."

Monica stood up and walked towards her nightstand. She pulled out The Big Book of Baby Names and brought it back to Chandler. She sat beside him, opening up the baby book. Chandler smiled as he noticed what was written in pencil after practically every name...his last name. He also noticed a piece paper where Monica had written, "BEST FITS GIRLS/'BOYS". It was so typical Monica.

"Okay, I narrowed it down between what fits with, 'Bing'. I kinda like Allison or maybe Laura or Jennifer. Jenny Bing...or Miranda. I liked that...Samantha. Sam Bing."

"That's pretty."

"For boys, Jacob or David...then I thought maybe Joseph. Joey Bing, but I don't like that. Adam. I like that or Ryan. Ryan Michael Bing."

"I like that too."

"I guess we don't need this anymore."

"Yes, we do. We are going to figure this out," Chandler said.

Monica nodded as she closed the book and fell back on to him. His heart broke. He had failed. He had completely failed. His mind started to whirl again as he began to crave what he hadn't craved in so long. He had been good. Twenty seven months clean and sober but he wasn't sure if he would be able to keep it up. Monica deserved someone who could give her everything she wanted and it wasn't him. The next few days went by in a haze. He could feel him shaking, wanting that drink, getting closer and closer to the edge. Monica was depressed and he couldn't take away the pain. He couldn't stop it. He had told the others and Rachel and Phoebe immediately comforted Monica as he knew they would. Joey and Ross tried to comfort him but he brushed it off. He reverted back to what he knew well. He knew how to make an inappropriate joke and that's what he did.

He knew he was getting closer and closer to the edge and he couldn't stop. He had gone to an AA meeting after work and then went straight to Pub 2. His old haunt. He had not been there in so long but he could no longer remain sober. He ordered a beer and touched it. He needed it, wanted it. It felt gratifying, that touch. He wanted that feeling of euphoria. That feeling of numbness. G-d, he wanted to be okay. He reached into his cell. She had said to call him if he found himself in trouble and he was in trouble. Maybe their friendship had taken some huge hits in the last few months but there was no one that he wanted more at that moment. Monica kept calling but he couldn't talk to her. She'd be pissed and she was already in too much pain. He waited until one of Monica's calls went to voicemail and then he dialed the number and waited for her to pick up, "Phoebe, it's me. Help me. I'm at Pub 2. Help me." She said something and he hung up, staring at the beer. His mouth was salivating. It would taste so good. It would taste wonderful.

"Chandler?" Phoebe asked when she finally arrived.

"Take it away from me, please?" Chandler asked. He couldn't do it. He couldn't say no to being sober. Phoebe took the beer and began to drink it. He kept staring ahead. His eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to call. Joey's with Charlie. Ross was busy...Rachel and Monica would have freaked out. I didn't drink anything."

"I believe you."

"Shit...you know, Pheebs. I never wanted kids. Ever. I thought I'm not bringing kids into this world. Look who my kids would have as grandparents? My parents...there was no way I would ever want a child going through the crap I've gone through. But then I met Monica and the one thing this woman wants more than anything this world...and I can't give it to her. I promised her I would do everything to make her happy. Everything. She wanted to use my trust fund money to pay for our wedding, I made some calls...I will do anything to make her happy and I can't do this. I worked late and then I went for a walk and came in here...ordered a beer and then called you," Chandler said.

"I'm proud of you for calling me. Did you call your wife?"

"No. She's been calling but I don't...she'll be pissed and-" Chandler said as his phone lit up. Chandler looked at it. It was Monica again. Chandler watched as Phoebe answered it and began to tell Monica where they were. When she hung up, she stared at him. He felt like he was dying.

"I want that beer so badly. It physically hurts me how badly I want that. How much I just wanna get wasted. I went to a meeting after a work...that's where I walked to but it didn't work. You should have seen the look on Monica's face when we got the news and I got the news first. I had to tell her. I didn't wanna tell her. Why did I have to answer that damn phone? I screen every phone call I ever get...except that one time. I answer the phone one time and that's what I get?" Chandler asked. He imagined that scene in the bedroom all over again. Monica in hysterics and he couldn't make it better.

"I'm really proud of you for calling me, Chandler. It took courage."

"I feel like a coward."

"You're not and I know things haven't been good between us, but I love you so much and this will happen. Maybe something else in store for you, but you and Monica will have children. Monica Geller-Bing was to put on this planet to have children."

"Not by me and that's what kills me," Chandler said as Phoebe gently stroked his back. He kept trying to take deep breaths, but every time he did, his lungs hurt. Maybe Monica was right...he should stop smoking? Soon, Monica finally arrived. He looked over at her. She looked concerned, slightly angry but concerned.

"He didn't drink. He ordered the beer and then called me. He also said he went to a meeting after work tonight," Phoebe said.

"I broke my promise to you, Mon. I promised I'd do everything to make you happy and I failed. I can't give you the one thing that will make you happy...and I know I sound dramatic, it's just...I wanna...you know I wanna make you happy and I can't-" Chandler said.

"I'm happy you're sober and you called Phoebe. I do wish you called me first-"

"I didn't want you to worry," Chandler said.

"I will always be worried. Look, Chandler we will get through this. We've been through so much already and this isn't your fault," Monica said as she placed her arm around him. He hated being so weak. He wanted to be strong for Monica. He needed to be strong.

"What about adoption?" Phoebe asked. Chandler and Monica both looked at Phoebe. Chandler had momentarily forgotten about Phoebe, "Have you discussed that yet? Maybe that's what's the plan is. Adoption? I mean, it would make perfect sense. Mon, in a way...you adopted all of us at some point. Okay, maybe not Ross really, but the rest of us. I mean, you took me in and gave me a home, you helped Rachel become an adult and a nice adult...I mean could you imagine what kind of mother she would be had she not been so influenced by you? You took care of Chandler all the times he was sick. You constantly keep Joey fed and okay, every Thanksgiving, Rachel and Joey choose to spend it with you and not their families. Don't you see, Mon? You've been a adoptive mom to all of us for the past eleven years. Eleven years of practice...maybe now you'll be a real one?"

It had been something they had briefly talked about but never seriously but maybe...it seemed like they were running out of options. That could be their choice? Phoebe did have a point. Monica loved taking care of all five of them. It kept her strong, Chandler knew that. Anytime one of them had a crisis, she could focus her energy on them. Once he had asked why she was always so invested in every little thing the five of them did and she explained that worrying about them kept her healthy and happy.

"Well, that was something we talked about," Monica said.

"Yeah...I guess, it's just-" Chandler said.

"No, Phoebe's right. Look, I've been thinking about it and I've been thinking about our options. We can't let this destroy us. I wanna move forward...'cause every time I think about it, I cry and I've cried enough. Now we have to move forward. I wanna adopt a baby who needs a home. I mean, what if someone had adopted you or Phoebe when you were little...maybe neither one of you would have had to endure the crap you went through. I really I wanna adopt and bring a child into our home," Monica said.

"Adoption?" Chandler asked. What if he had been adopted as a kid? Sure, CPS had been at their house several times when he was a kid but nothing had ever happened. What if he had been placed in a better home? Sure, now he didn't mind his parents too much but he was thirty four now.

"What do you say?" Monica asked.

"Will that make you happy?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah..do I wish it was different. Definitely, but we can only move forward, right?"

"Yeah, G-d...I love you so much," Chandler said.

"I love you too," Monica said as they leaned in to share a kiss. Monica linked her arm in his. "So you wanna go home?"

"Pheebs is finishing my beer," Chandler said.

"I'm almost done," Phoebe said.

"Can we not tell the others that I'm here?" Chandler asked.

"Did you just meet us? Joey, Rachel and Ross were over when I called. They all wanted to come down here, but I said no. They're in our apartment," Monica said.

"Crap. Joey's gonna punch me in the face, isn't he?" Chandler asked, cringing a little.

"No, he's not. You're sober. This is a big deal...and you could've had this beer and gone home, but you didn't. You're pretty strong," Phoebe said.

"Yeah...and...also, before we go back, the two of you...I know it's been tense and awkward between you two and that really upsets me. You two were so close," Monica said.

"I think we still are. I hope we are," Chandler said, glancing at Phoebe.

"We are and I got my license back. I started working at a spa...an actual spa," Phoebe said.

"I know, Rachel told me. She said you pretended to be Swedish," Chandler said. Rachel had told him that story to cheer him up, it had worked.

"Yeah. But thank you and I will prove it to you that I am appreciative," Phoebe said.

"I know you are," Chandler said as Phoebe continuing drinking his beer. He let out a sigh as Monica continue to comfort him and he comforted her. He hated that he was this weak. Monica needed him and he had weakened. That upset him.

That night after telling the group about the adoption plans, Chandler and Monica once again lay side by side in their bed. Chandler still felt sad and he knew Monica did. He wanted to make her smile again.

"You know...adopting would be fun," Chandler said.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Yeah, see like that list...we can pick and choose who we want."

"We want them to choose us."

"Right."

"I'm proud of you for not drinking tonight," Monica said.

"I'm a coward. I wanna be strong for you. You're always so strong for me. Let it be my turn."

"You are. You are being strong for me. You being there."

"Hmmm...well, you know...we don't have to stop trying. Just because it might not work. We don't have to stop."

"I wanna kid."

"You'll get one. You'll get as many as you want."

"Really?"

"Yeah and we'll still look at our home in the suburbs and...our home will have rooms for our children...and Joey. You are going to be a mother and I am going to be a father. Okay, maybe they won't look like us but...maybe they'll look better and I'll still teach them how to be funny and show them all the movies and you'll teach them how to cook and on Christmas, they'll decorate cookies and we'll have Thanksgiving dinner together and-"

"And I'll teach them to make mac and cheese for you?" Monica asked.

"No. If my daughter or son makes me cranberry sauce or stuffing or pumpkin pie, you better believe I'll eat it. My kid made it. We'll put them on sports teams and they'll go to camp every summer. This is going to happen. You and me, we're a family and...okay, I may not dress up in women's clothing as a way to embarrass my children, but I'm gonna be that dad with the video camera at plays and little league and tennis games and you're gonna be sitting there telling me to sit down and I'm gonna say no...I'm gonna be that dad."

"I like that."

"It'll happen."

Monica nodded as she rested her head on Chandler, he held her as they fell into silence. They would come back, they had a plan. They would make a family. It would happen. Chandler would make sure of it.

Barbados. Beautiful, golden beaches, sunshine and the warm water, sunshine soaking the island, that's Barbados, but unfortunately, they would get none of that. The group had gone to Barbados to support Ross as he was giving some big keynote speech on dinosaurs. Chandler thought it would be a perfect mini vacation for him and Monica. There had been so much tension and sadness going on that he thought it would be relaxing, although he was quite wrong. First, they arrived in the midst of monsoon season and second, Monica suddenly became focused on Phoebe. Phoebe had gotten back together with David, an old scientist boyfriend of hers from long ago but Monica knew Phoebe was still hung up on Mike. Chandler knew Monica was trying to ignore her own feelings of sadness by concentrating on fixing Phoebe's relationship and also by trying to talk Rachel out of this sudden crush she had gotten on Joey. Chandler let Monica do what she wanted and he hung out with David whom he actually liked. David was planning on proposing with a very tiny ring which Chandler teased him about but despite that, Chandler was amazed with how much he had in common with David. They both had a fairly similar sense of humor. He kinda hoped things would work out with David and Phoebe although Monica was going to make sure that didn't happen.

Soon, Chandler was able to tear Monica away from meddling in Phoebe's life and the two spent the rest of the day together. He was in hell in this hotel. Not only was there booze everywhere, there was also a pharmaceutical convention going on. Chandler saw all those bottles and bottles of pills he had loved so much. All those lovely pills and it scared him.

"You're being strong though," Monica said as they sat across from each other.

"Hmmm...inside, I'm being weak," Chandler grinned.

Monica let out a laugh and was about to say more when the conversation halted with the arrival of Mike. Phoebe and David had walked in and then were interrupted by Mike who had arrived in Barbados. Chandler had not spoken to Mike since Mike and Phoebe had broken up. Chandler looked at Monica who simply smiled at him.

"You called Mike?" Chandler asked.

Monica nodded as he listened as Mike proposed to Phoebe and she turned him down and then turned to David to break up with him. Chandler felt like he was watching some sort of strange movie. He began to think Monica had gone too far. Chandler felt sorry for David, having come all the way out to Barbados only to have to fly home alone. Monica always meddled but when David then walked out of the restaurant with Phoebe running after him, he thought maybe it was too much. Monica took a deep breath and got up as well, walking out. Mike and Chandler stared at each other awkwardly. Mike got up and walked over to the table and sat in Monica's now empty chair.

"So, you're back with Phoebe?" Chandler asked.

"I'm sorry. I got scared. I don't wanna lose her. You gotta know what it's like to know you have the perfect person and be completely freaked out.

"No, not at all," Chandler grinned.

"Come on."

"Alright, yeah I know."

"I...it's...your wife called me."

"I'm sure she did."

"Does it ever annoy you though? I'm not just dating Phoebe, I'm dating all of you? Don't you feel like you're married to everyone?"

"Sometimes...but I like it. I like not being so alone anymore and I'm with my best friend. That's awesome to me."

"Yeah...and it's nice Monica cares so much."

"Right," Chandler said, careful not to reveal what was really going on, "and I reel her in, don't worry. Hey, there's table tennis downstairs. We should play later."

"Yeah," Mike said.

Chandler did kinda get Mike. He understood fear. Of course, he was so entwined in the group that he couldn't leave. Mike could and so he did and came back which Chandler also found a little funny as he had tried to leave several times as well but always kept coming back.

After what turned out to be a relaxing and fun dinner with Phoebe and Mike and a competitive table tennis game, Monica and Chandler retreated to their room. Monica still talking though about Phoebe and Mike. Chandler watched in amazement as she discussed how perfect everything was now.

"So now, Phoebe and Mike are back together. Perfect, now we just gotta work on this whole Ross, Rachel, Joey, Charlie thingy. Rachel can't pursue Joey, that's weird and really Joey should be with Lizzie because he has a child. So we gotta figure out-"

"Mon?" Chandler asked, sitting on the bed as Monica paced in front of him.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Why do we need to figure out anything?"

"Well, 'cause this can't happen. Joey and Rachel can't pursue Joey."

"Why not?"

"It's weird. Ross will be pissed."

"Yeah, but Rachel's thirty three, Ross will be thirty four, Joey's thirty five...why do they need us?"

"Because-"

Chandler grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, guiding her to his lap. Now, he would take charge. He would reel her in.

"You know why you're doing this, right?"

"I care," Monica said.

"Yeah and it means you don't have to think about the other thing," Chandler said. Monica shifted a little uncomfortably but Chandler wouldn't let her go. "I mean, you meddle so you don't have to think. It's why I drank. It's easier than thinking."

"I'm fine. It's...we're adopting."

"I know."

"You were at a bar and...and this hotel is having a pharmaceutical convention and-"

"Still clean. Still sober," Chandler said.

Monica looked at her hands as she let out a deep breath, "I don't like thinking this is never going to happen. I'm never gonna feel what it's like to be pregnant. It's easier to deal with all of them...and you...I know how to fix that. I don't know how to fix this and that scares me."

"I know," Chandler said. "but you don't need to fix me anymore."

"You went to a bar."

"I got out of it. I called someone. If Rachel wants to pursue Joey...let her and you know it won't last. If Phoebe had wanted to marry David, well she liked him and he's a good guy. Sure, she likes Mike more. Joey and Charlie? That won't last either. Please. You know how this will end up. It doesn't need your help and I wish I could fix this but you still got me and you will always have me."

"I meant what I said at dinner...no more inappropriate jokes about us not being able to have children naturally. It's too painful and I'm never gonna find them funny. I know you're doing it 'cause you're upset too but-"

"I promise and I promise, I'm gonna get you a child."

"Us. You're gonna get us a child."

"Exactly."

Monica and Chandler shared a kiss as they slowly fell to the bed. Chandler would protect her. It was his promise. She had protected him for so long, made sure he was okay. Now he needed to protect her. Rachel, Joey, Ross and Phoebe could have all their dramas, they didn't need to concern themselves with any of that anymore. After all, they had a much more important plan in mind...to become a family.


	59. Chapter 59

**January 2004**

In May 2003, Monica and Chandler had decided to adopt and after six months of waiting they got news. It was Thanksgiving. Sure, most agencies were closed but their counselor had known how much this meant to them. She had made a special call. They would be getting a child, their own child. A young woman in Ohio named, Erica had chosen them. After so much heartache, so much pain, it was finally their turn. Leaving for Ohio, they were nervous. Erica might not pick them. That's what they had been told, don't get their hopes up but this is what they had waited for, what they had wanted for so very long. It had been a long, hard six months of waiting. During that time, Rachel and Joey had tried to date and failed. Charlie and Ross had dated, but that had ended quickly as well. Phoebe and Mike became engaged soon after that trip to Barbados and were a planning their wedding. Things were moving forward and finally for Monica and Chandler, they would be getting their chance to move closer to finally having their family.

Of course, just as had happened so many times in the past, their hopes were shattered quickly when they soon realized there had been a horrible mix up at the adoption agency. Erica thought they were someone else, a doctor and a priest. At first, the thought of Chandler being a surgeon amused him. He still could not watch movies like _Clockwork Orange_ without cringing and being grossed out completely. Chandler laughed when Rachel had told him once in sheer horror how Joey had made her watch every Stephen King movie ever made to convince her of King's brilliance. Joey had done the same to Chandler after Chandler had dared criticized Stephen King and said that his movies were over the top. Truth was, he really wasn't a fan of blood and guts so the mere idea of him being a surgeon was almost laughable...almost. He was about to correct Erica when Monica took charge, telling Erica about their "jobs". Chandler watched horrified as Monica lied. He knew what she was doing, he knew her desperation but this was too much. Ever since Barbados, there had been a change in Monica. She had never been the selfish one, he had been. She had been the thoughtful one, always thinking about how her actions could effect others. But first with the whole meddling in Phoebe's relationship with Mike and now this...he wasn't sure he liked this side of Monica. He had told Mike that he could reel Monica in and he felt now he needed to do just that.

"We can't do this, Monica," Chandler said as they sat in a restaurant in Ohio. They had just finished meeting with Erica and Monica was talking about how well it went.

"What? It's perfect, we have the baby, she loves us," Monica said.

"No, Erica loves Dr. Chandler and Reverend Monica. She loves two people that aren't us. How can you be okay with this?"

"Because...I am. Chandler, we've wanted this for so long. I have wanted this for so long-"

"But she's giving us her child. She has a right to know who it's going to."

"But-"

"We have to tell her the truth."

"If we do that...then what if...we could...what if this is our only chance? What if she changes her mind-"

"What if she doesn't...Monica, I know you're upset. I know that you are desperate to get a kid and I get that. I am too, but we can't do it this way. Look, can I say something and you promise you won't get mad?"

"What?" Monica asked.

"Well...okay, I think you're becoming me."

"Excuse me?"

"You've spent seventeen years calling me out on every single fucked up thing I've done so please allow me to return the favor. Ever since we found out that we can't have kids, you've been acting well..."

"Like a selfish, crazy bitch?" Monica finished, giving him a smile grin. Chandler let out a sigh, it seemed Monica knew.

"Yes. Mon, there's only room for one selfish, crazy bitch in this relationship and I really think it should just be me," Chandler said which made Monica laugh, "I mean, okay first the thing in Barbados, for as awesome as it was that you got Mike to come...David had paid for a round trip ticket to Barbados and bought an engagement ring for Phoebe. He wasted a lot of money that he didn't have. I felt really awful for the guy and then now this...I know you like to take control and fix things because it makes you feel better but it can't be at the expense of others and it's one thing with David, he'll find a new girlfriend, he'll get a new job...but this...we cannot do this. I know why you did what you did today. Believe me, I get it...but Mon-"

"I know. I'm not not mad at you...I know I've been acting crazy, it's just...you don't have a clue how badly I want this. How much I've dreamt of this and it kills me when everyone else gets to be a parent. Ross, Rachel, hell even Joey...and the meddling and fixing...it keeps me sane. It's keeping me from completely unraveling. I felt bad for David too."

"I know and can I also I tell you I'm terrified of saying that to you," Chandler grinned.

"I know. We have to tell her."

"We do," Chandler said.

"When did you get to be so wise?" Monica asked as she brought her wine glass to her lips, taking a sip. Chandler smiled and let out a sigh.

"Old age," Chandler said.

"I'm scared though. I mean, what if she says no? What if we get taken off every adoption list in the country? What if...what if it never happens? I can't...it would kill me. Literally, kill me."

"Let me take control...we will be leaving Ohio as parents."

"And if we don't?"

Chandler gave her grin as he took a sip of his Diet Coke. It would be tough to tell the truth, painful and there was a chance that it could all backfire but he needed to make this work. There was no other option. He knew Monica was breaking. He knew she was close to the edge. She had pulled him back from the edge so many times in the last seventeen years, kept him from fully hitting rock bottom time and time again and this time he felt it was his turn to stand up, to take action. He would not let Monica fall. He would make sure they got that kid.

"You really think I'd give you my kid after that?" Erica asked angrily after Chandler had told her the truth. It was the next day, he and Monica were sitting side by side across from Erica. The adoption counselor left the room to check what had gone wrong with the files. Monica was starting to tremble as Erica angrily got up and walked out of the room. Monica glared at him, not speaking. She was in a panic, desperate and about to stand up when Chandler grabbed her arm.

"My turn. Let me," Chandler said as he got up and walked out of the room. Rachel once told him that he was an amazing salesman. He could convince people to do anything. He convinced Phoebe to name a child after him. He convinced Monica to still marry him after walking out on her before the wedding. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey all still considered him a friend despite screwing them over many times, he had convinced them to stick with him. But this was different. Those other times felt almost like easy little tests compared to this. This was the final exam...to convince a stranger to give them her child.

"Look, wait...Erica," Chandler said as he ran after her, finally catching up to her near the water fountain. "Listen to me, please."

"No, I have nothing to say to you."

"You don't have to say anything, just listen to me," Chandler pleaded. "We are so sorry. You have every right to be upset. Okay, we should not have lied...it's just...we've wanted this for so long and we don't know if we're ever going to get another chance."

"Ask the Reverend to pray on it," Erica said.

"Please give us another chance. Ask to see our file. The name is Bing. My wife is a chef and I'm in advertising...please, I'm...look, I know what we did was wrong but...my wife has wanted this for so long. I mean, I-I remember one of the first times I met her, seventeen years ago, she sat in my car...it was a cherry red Corvette and she said she hated the car because it was not child friendly. She was seventeen years old. I thought she was crazy...who thinks like that when they're seventeen? But...seventeen years later, I get it. It's not. It's Monica. She's a mother. She's always been a mother. She's caring and protective and...the most nurturing person in the world. She...when she was twenty two, she took in a girl who was homeless as her roommate and got that girl back on her feet. That girl is now a fully functioning member of society who is engaged to be married, that would not have happened if my wife hadn't taken care of her. No, she's not a priest but she cares so deeply and wants this so desperately...when we...when we found out that we couldn't have children, something in my wife, broke. The girl that was sitting in my car seventeen years ago telling me that I was an idiot because my car was not family friendly appeared in my head and I made a promise then that I would do whatever I could do to make her happy and I've failed a lot at doing that over the last almost two decades, but I can't fail at this. The one thing she wants. Look, I don't know if I'm gonna be a good dad. I haven't a clue. I'll learn...but Monica, she's already there. She's mom...without a baby."

Erica looked at him and he wondered if it was working, she let out a sigh as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. She was showing already at five months. Her anger seemed to melt a little.

"She took a homeless girl in to live with her?" Erica asked.

"Yeah...long story."

"You do seem like nice people and I do like that you told me the truth...and I do remember your file. It was nice and I liked how you had a kid write one of your recommendation letters. That was sweet," Erica said.

Chandler opened his mouth and quickly shut it, knowing Erica was referring to Joey's letter of recommendation for them which apparently had ended up looking like something done by a nine year old boy. He figured he'd just let that one slide.

"Yeah, sweet and you know, if you choose us...you'll have a place to stay when you visit and you'll have amazing food and you'll have company the entire way. You're not going to be doing this alone."

"How do you know I'm alone?" Erica asked.

"It's something I picked up from my wife. She has an uncanny ability to spot people who need someone and takes care of them...whether or not they're even aware they need someone to take care of them in first place. That's what she did with me."

"G-d, you make her sound like a saint," Erica grinned.

"She's no saint...but she's pretty damn amazing. What do you say? Please...give us another chance?" Chandler asked.

Erica stared at him and his heart beat out of his chest. He couldn't go back in there without good news. They had struggled through so much. They needed this. Soon, a smile appeared on Erica's face. She slowly nodded.

"I choose you," Erica said, slowly. He had done it. Maybe Rachel was right, he really was good at convincing people to do things they wouldn't do normally. For a brief moment, he wondered if maybe he should quit advertising and maybe seriously toy with the long held secret idea of becoming a legit dictator that doesn't kill people? Erica gave him a hug and went off in search of the adoption agency counselor to let them know the news. Chandler walked back into the waiting room where Monica stood up, staring at him.

"So...you still want that baby?" Chandler asked.

"We have the baby?"

"We have the baby."

Monica ran towards him, he braced himself knowing she was lunging towards him. She jumped into his arms as he held her, she was beaming. Her eyes filled with tears, happy tears. She kept kissing him, he had done his job, he had taken control and he had gotten it done.

"G-d bless you Chandler Bing," Monica smiled.

"I told you I'd get you your child."

"Our child. I'm going to be a mom?"

"Yeah, you are."

"Oh my G-d...wow...what did you say?"

"Just...stuff. I took care of it."

"Hmmm...you're amazing."

"So are you," Chandler said as he kissed her. They were a family, finally. They would get a house, they would raise a child.

"No...Chandler, what you just did...I thought she was going to say no. I thought we were never going to get a child and it would just never happen for us. It's happening for us. You made this happen. You got me our child...my child. I get to be a mom because of you. How do I repay you for that?"

"You...you could buy me a drink?" Chandler said, giving her a grin.

"Really?" Monica asked, smacking him.

"I don't need a thing from you. You've already done so much for me. Just promise you'll never leave and we'll grow old together and...and I'm thinking at some point, matching jogging suits?"

"You're unbelievable."

"I wanna laugh...did I ever tell you about my secret dream of being a dictator?"

"No...do tell...a dictator?"

"A nice dictator. One that doesn't kill people."

"But then you wouldn't be a dictator."

"I can change it. You know, maybe I could be a linguist. A linguist dictator. That be kinda cool."

Monica laughed as Chandler grabbed her hand and walked out of the building towards their rental car, heading out to a celebratory dinner.

"A linguist dictator?" Monica asked as she got into the passenger's seat.

"It would be new. Like...I could change names of things. It would really confuse Joey. I could be a linguist dictator to confuse Joey...on purpose. Thar would be the best thing ever," Chandler said as he got in the driver's seat and put on his seat belt. He was making his wife laugh, that was perfect. It had been so tough these last six months. Monica had been so upset but now, now it seemed to be turning around and he was making her laugh again.

"You would be a dictator for the sole purpose of confusing Joey?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm...okay, that makes sense."

"Doesn't it?"

"So, let me ask you husband of mine...who do you like better? Me or Joey?"

"Oh, I can't do that. That's like Sophie's Choice," Chandler said, grinning.

"That's a weird answer. You're weird."

"You're weird," Chandler said as he pulled away from the curb. He was beaming as he drove. He knew he was being silly, but he had had it with seriousness, with tears. He wanted to laugh, wanted to celebrate with his best friend. They had come through it, gotten through everything.

It was still the beginning of 2004, he would celebrate thirty five this year. It seemed so bizarre to him, all he had been through. There had been so many struggles, so many things he had fought against and now it had all come together. He felt light, strange. Pulling onto the highway, a bizarre feeling washed over him.

"It's good enough. It's finally good enough," Chandler said.

"What is?"

"I'm happy. Phoebe always used to say that her dream was for me to look at her and say that everything was finally good. It is. I'm married to my best friend. I'm going to have a child. I finally have a job I love. We're gonna buy a house. I'm happy."

"How does it feel?"

"Weird."

"You've come a long way. We both have and I'm sorry I've been acting so crazed lately. Thanks for reeling me in."

"Just returning the favor. You've been reeling me for a long time."

"You did this. You made this happen and I can't even...I don't even know what words I can say to show you how amazing...thank you doesn't even seem like it's enough."

"You don't have to thank me. You've taken care of me and been there for me through everything. You stuck with me during the three times I went through drug withdrawals, you stuck with me during the times I almost relapsed. You were there to yell at me when acted like a dick and disappeared before Ross' wedding. You still married me when I ran off before ours. You are the reason I'm still here."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

After finding a restaurant, the two sat across from one another. They spent their dinner discussing their future. They discussed baby names, homes they would look at and Chandler realized that finally Monica was back. She was calmer, a little happier. He knew it would never be fully okay with her that she could not have children but the knowledge that indeed she would be getting one seemed to make her happy and that was what Chandler wanted.

When they arrived back in New York, they arrived to a birthday party for Joey. Joey Tribbiani was now thirty six. Chandler couldn't wait to tease him endlessly about this. While Monica spent the entire plane ride home narrowing down her list of baby names, Chandler spent the ride home thinking of good jokes at Joey's expense.

"I'm not taking part in this gift," Monica said as they walked towards their building. Before flying home, Chandler had gotten Joey's birthday gift and after assembling it at JFK, they went to the apartment. He had gotten Joey a basket filled with "old person" items. There was Metamucil, adult diapers, a copy of AARP, denture cream...he had never been more excited about any gift in his life.

"Yes, you are. I put your name on the card already," Chandler said, grinning as they walked up the six flights of stairs.

"I don't...I object."

"You've been overruled."

Monica laughed as they walked up the stairs. After dropping their bags off at their place, they walked across the hall to Joey and Rachel's place and opened the door where the party was going on. Rachel and Ross were sitting with Emma, playing with her. Mike, Joey and Phoebe were sitting at the table talking and snacking on chips and dip. It was the definite signs of a rager.

"Hey, guys," Monica said.

"Happy birthday, man," Chandler said, handing him the basket. Joey looked at it.

"Thanks, asshole," Joey said.

"You're welcome, buddy," Chandler said.

"Wait, wait...Mon," Rachel said, getting up and walking towards her.

"We got the kid, we're gonna be parents," Monica said as Phoebe and Rachel immediately got up and ran to her, hugging her and squealing. Chandler smiled as the three girls were crying and holding onto each other. Chandler moved out of the way, letting them talk as he walked to the table and sat next to Mike. Ross and Joey joined them, Ross holding the now twenty month old Emma.

"Congrats," Mike said.

"Welcome to the dad club," Ross said.

"Thanks, let me have my niece," Chandler said reaching for Emma. Ross handed her over. Chandler placed Emma on his lap as she turned her face up and smiled at him. He smiled back and made a face which made her giggle happily.

"Mo...mo..." Emma said, clapping her hands.

"My youngest fan," Chandler said.

"She loves her uncle," Rachel said.

"I can't believe you are going to be a father," Mike said.

"Me neither," Chandler said.

"Yeah, it is difficult to believe...the same man who spent most of college wasted is going to have someone call him dad," Ross joked.

"Hmmmm, and one day Emma's going to wonder how she was was born and I will be there to tell her that she was the product of a broken condom and a bottle of wine," Chandler mused before looking at Emma, "yes, you were...weren't you?"

"You tell her that and I can take your child to his or her grandfather's drag shows," Ross said.

"I'll be doing that myself thank you very much," Chandler said, "I'll be taking Emma with me. You wanna see drag queens, Em?"

"No. She doesn't," Rachel said. "G-d, you two will be amazing parents."

"I can't believe this is going to actually happen for us," Monica said.

"I know...alright, alright...I wanna talk about other things. What are we doing for Joey's 63rd birthday?" Chandler asked, grinning.

"Thank you," Joey said.

"Oh, don't worry Joe...I got it in college all the time because, oh wait...because I'm six months younger than you Bing," Ross said.

"See, I told you one day you'd have the upper hand," Chandler said when there was front door intercom buzzed. Rachel, Ross, Mike, Joey and Phoebe exchanged slightly uncomfortable looks which Chandler and Monica noticed.

"Who is that?" Chandler asked.

"I'll let them in," Rachel said walking towards the keypad and pressing the button, "hello."

"Hi, it's Lizzie...and Lauren," came the voice through the intercom. Rachel pressed the button to open the door downstairs and then walked towards her room.

"Lizzie and Lauren are in town?" Chandler asked.

"I invited them. I wanted to spend my birthday with them. I should right? I know I should have said something but-"

"It's alright, Joe," Chandler said. Joey and Lizzie had been talking a lot. Ever since Joey had found out about his daughter, Chandler had known that there had been many, many calls. He had to wonder though now that Joey was completely single, was his friend going to now try to start something with Lizzie? For as strange as he could feel about it, he felt the opposite. He had always held a special place in his heart for Lizzie and of course Joey was family. It would be great to see them both settle down. The doorbell rang and Joey got up to answer it. Lizzie and Lauren soon appeared in the apartment, smiling awkwardly.

"Hi," Lizzie said.

The awkwardness took over the room, no one knowing what to say when Rachel walked out of her room, carrying what appeared to be a toothbrush.

"Lizzie, welcome," Rachel said.

"Rachel Green?" Lizzie said.

"Yes, I bought you a present," Rachel said as she handed Lizzie the toothbrush, "Welcome to New York."

Lizzie laughed, as did everyone else...at least everyone familiar with the whole prank. Lauren looked confused.

"Thank you, Rachel," Lizzie said. "And I told Chandler the truth. You did not drop a toothbrush in the toilet at camp. I did."

"You did?" Lauren asked.

"It doesn't matter, Rach. I would have pranked you anyway. You were obnoxious," Chandler said.

"I was not," Rachel said.

"Yeah, you kinda were," Ross said.

"Bite me, Gellar. You had a shrine to me in your bedroom," Rachel said, glaring at him.

"Welcome, see I told you it wouldn't be awkward," Joey said.

"I guess, hi Ross," Lizzie said as Ross got up to walk towards her. The two hugged.

"Hi, great to see you."

"Great to see you too. How's Carol?" Lizzie asked.

"She's a lesbian," Ross said.

"Well...that's nice," Lizzie said.

. The awkwardness faded as the night continued. Monica, Lizzie, Rachel and Phoebe seemed to get along well, which surprised him especially given all that had happened, especially between Monica and Lizzie. It felt nice having Lizzie back in his life,even though he'd never fully admit that to Monica or anyone else.

Something else also began to happen as the evening progressed, he began to feel a little guilty as he thought about his past with Lizzie. He had been awful to her. A horrible boyfriend, putting her through so much pain. He had apologized a lot in the last few years. He had apologized to his friends, Monica, even his parents but there had been one person he had never apologized too. He hadn't even thought to apologize to her when he had been in Tulsa, but watching her with Joey, it made him guilty. She laughed with him, she seemed so comfortable with Joey. Everything about Chandler and Lizzie's relationship had been so melodramatic and it had always been her taking care of him. Joey and Lizzie reminded him of himself and Monica...Joey and Lizzie seemed more like a team.

The next day, Chandler came by to get Joey. They would be meeting up with Mike and Ross and headed to a Knicks game to continue Joey's birthday celebration. As he walked in, Lizzie was walking out of the bathroom, dressed in jeans and a sweater.

"Hey, Liz."

"Hey, you okay with us taking Joey for a few hours? It's the Knicks-"

"Oh, it's fine. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are taking me to lunch for some girl talk. We're gonna drop Emma off at Rachel's mom I guess and Lauren wants to spend the day with some kids she went to elementary school with," Lizzie said as she walked towards the counter and sat on one of the stools facing Chandler.

"That's right, you used to live here."

"Yeah and I'm looking forward to it. It'll be nice to catch up with Rachel and Monica...Monica and I have a lot to talk about and...and I'm excited to get to know Phoebe-"

"Phoebe was the girl I took to the movie. She was the homeless girl."

"Ahhhh and Rach is really nice," Lizzie whispered although there was no need. After the party, Lauren was given Rachel's room and Rachel slept in her old room in Chandler and Monica's apartment, "what happened?"

"A lot."

"And Ross and Rachel-"

"Rachel will tell you," Chandler grinned. "So, you and Joey?"

"I like him, Chandler. I like getting to know him and he's really sweet...and kind."

"Yeah, he is...you know, Liz...I was thinking...maybe I should have said this to you when I was Tulsa but...I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a crappy boyfriend. Horrible. You deserved better."

"Yeah, you were pretty bad. But I forgive you. I cheated on you."

"It's okay. Knowing now who you cheated on me with, I didn't stand a chance."

"G-d...it's...you've done well for yourself, Bing. Married...you're gonna have a kid...wow, I never...I never...yeah."

"What?"

"I...when we dated, I always...I thought...I thought that one day I was gonna get a call that you had overdosed or drank yourself into a coma. I didn't think you'd live to see thirty and I was scared but wow...you've turned yourself around."

"Thanks. I had Monica."

"Good."

"You were there a lot in the beginning too."

"Yeah, but Monica was right...I let you get away with way too much crap," Lizzie said, which made Chandler laugh as he thought of his wife. Monica was definitely the polar opposite. Where Lizzie let him get away with everything, Monica called him out on everything.

"Hey, is Lauren up, I wanna go use my room," Rachel said as she walked in, interrupting the moment.

"Yeah, she is," Lizzie said.

"Good. Hey, Lizzie. I'm glad you're here, we'll have a good time. We'll talk, we'll catch up...we'll get everything out in the open," Rachel said.

"Thanks," Lizzie said as Rachel walked towards her room and Joey soon emerged from his, walking towards Lizzie and placing his arm around her, kissing her. It was all so strange how life worked, how small the world was. Lizzie was back but no longer Chandler's, now Lizzie was Joey's girlfriend. Joey was a father and soon Chandler would be one as well. He would be a father and a homeowner as well. A few weeks after Joey's birthday, Monica and Chandler had found their house in Westchester. There were four bedrooms, three and a half baths, a huge backyard. There was that white picket fence, the picturesque home in the suburbs. It felt right to move now. Not only were they soon to be parents, their friends were all moving on as well.


	60. Chapter 60

**2004: FINAL GOODBYE PART ONE**

It was a freezing cold February and Phoebe's wedding was just around the corner. Joey would be officiating and Chandler really hadn't expected to be given much of a role in the wedding. He had just reconnected with Mike and given how much his friendship with Phoebe had changed over the years, he figured he should just be happy he was invited at all. It stunned him though when Phoebe called him to go for a walk in Central Park. He agreed although it seemed rather ridiculous to go for a walk in the cold but after a bit of a walk, he got it. He understood where Phoebe was taking him. He remembered it immediately. That fountain from twelve years earlier. He and Phoebe has spent Thanksgiving together. G-d, they had been so young then, so close and not a clue what the next twelve years would bring.

"Wow," Chandler said as he and Phoebe sat side by side, looking around at the park. "I think it might be too cold for us to swim in the fountain."

"And we're too old to do that now," Phoebe said.

"Man...that was a fun Thanksgiving and you so dropped the spaghetti on our couch on purpose," Chandler joked as that memory appeared in his head. Phoebe had been pissed about something Monica had done and had purposely dropped an entire plate of spaghetti on the couch.

"Yep...and thanks for not selling me out."

"Of course not," Chandler said and it was a promise he would keep, despite how many times Monica asked. "So why did you wanna come out here?"

"I want-I wanted to talk to you. So you know my step dad bailed on walking me down the aisle."

"Yeah. That sucks."

"It does and Joey's officiating...which is great but I still need someone to walk me down the aisle...to give me away and I think it should be you."

Chandler stared at her. Was she asking what he thought she was asking? He would be honored to do that. That would be amazing but was she actually asking him that?

"Seriously?"

"Chandler...nothing that has happened to me in the last twelve years would have happened if you hadn't done what you did. You did so much...way too much and I'm still trying to figure out a way to pay you back and I'm not sure I'll ever be able too, but you gave me a chance to make something of myself, to have friends and...well to find some of my family even though they won't come to the wedding. I tried asking Ursula. She said no. But you still...I owe you everything and I know we haven't been as close as we used to be but I am so proud of you and proud of who you've become. I remember you sitting here and telling me how you weren't ready yet to grow up and now you're married and you're gonna have a baby...and you're gonna be moving into a house."

"I know. I'm a grown up," Chandler said.

"Yeah...and I hope you still don't think I'm a bad investment."

He regretted that argument. He cringed at that, Phoebe was never an "investment". It sounded so technical, so much like she was some sort of property. He had helped someone who needed it. That was all. Sure, maybe his motives weren't entirely pure at first, but now...now they were. He loved Phoebe. She had been his safety net when she had first moved in. They had had so much fun and what she was asking of him now? That felt amazing. She did like him. She did still consider him her friend.

"No...no, you know I was thinking about that. About your education and what I paid for...I mean, technically, yes...I paid for you to get a license and to become a masseuse but metaphorically...I don't think that's what I paid for. I paid for you to get off the streets and to...to hopefully help you have a life, so yeah I think it was probably one of the best investments I've ever made and I would be honored to walk you down the aisle...and you will never have to pay me back. We'll call it even."

"Thanks. Remember when we spent Fourth of July together?"

"We went on jet skis...and we made fun of Rachel."

"Halloween. That was fun. Those first five months, it really was just you and me, wasn't it?" Phoebe asked.

"It was. I miss it sometimes. Especially when I think of everything we've been through since."

"Yeah...I miss it too."

The fountain was in an almost secluded part of the park. Chandler looked around. When they had done this the last time, no one had seen them. It had been Thanksgiving, probably colder than it was. He missed playing with Phoebe, missed it being just the two of them.

"You know...we're not that old," Chandler said, giving her a look and then nodding towards the fountain.

"What?"

"We're not that old. I won't be thirty-five for a couple more months. You have a few more weeks left until thirty six...we're not that old."

"We can't."

"Well, I don't have Kip's boxers, but I am wearing Monica's bathing suit under this," Chandler joked which made Phoebe laugh. Damn, that laugh. Chandler stood up and lifted his leg, stepping into the fountain. The water was freezing, seeping through his jeans. He raised his other leg and was now standing in the fountain. He wanted what they used to have. He wanted to feel that close to her again. "Play with me, Pheebs."

Chandler watched as Phoebe got into the fountain and soon the two were playing as they had twelve years earlier, splashing each other and getting soaking wet in the process. They were both laughing. It was their memory, a memory they would forever share. It was just like those first five months, those moments between Chandler and Phoebe were theirs and theirs alone. When they were finished, they both sat side by side, sopping wet and deliriously happy. Chandler put his arm around Phoebe and hugged her.

"That was fun," Chandler said.

"Yeah, but you know what the problem is? You have to go back to Monica. I have to go back to Mike and we have to explain why we're sopping wet," Phoebe said.

"We can invite them."

"No...that's our memory...but we should dry off."

"Yeah...wow, I'm gonna be a father. I never...I'm gonna show them all the movies. That's the one thing my dad did. He would bring me a different comedy and I would watch. My kid has to know who Milton Berle and Jack Benny were...and Gilda Radner...Lucille Ball...my kid is going to know that stuff and-and I'll watch with them. I'll never let 'em watch alone and I'll take 'em to the batting cages and mini golf and tennis and...and hockey. I'm gonna teach them the art of the prank. We'll practice on Rachel. I'll teach 'em how to stand up for themselves against bullies and I'll make each one of their birthdays just amazing."

"You're gonna be an amazing dad."

"I hope so."

"You'll think I'll be a good wife?"

"Oh, yeah. Mike needs someone like you. He's like Monica."

"A little, but yeah."

"He's competitive...and I think you'll be a great mom one day," Chandler said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"And I'm keeping those kids...and if I get pregnant and hormonal again, can I call you and just be mean to you like last time?" Phoebe asked, which made Chandler snicker a little.

"Of course...G-d, I'm gonna miss this city. For the first eighteen years of my life, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of the suburbs. I hated that place and I moved and never really went back. I've lived here for almost seventeen years and now I'm moving back to the suburbs. It's full circle."

"Yeah, but it'll be different now. You're finally going to have a home."

"Yeah. I got everything I wanted."

"Is it good enough?" Phoebe asked.

Chandler nodded as he smiled at her. He had forgotten to tell her that. It was. It was just all so good now. He was freezing and could tell she was too but neither wanted to move.

"You know, Joey likes that girl a lot. Lizzie?" Phoebe said.

It was so strange. Lizzie and Joey. Sure, they had apparently had a fling years ago, but something about them together now. It just seemed to work and it was not lost on him that Lizzie seemed far happier with Joey than she ever had with Chandler.

"I knew he would. Although, I do feel bad. You're getting married to someone I went to high school with. Joey is dating a girl I used to like. I feel indirectly responsible for ending your Friends with Benefits relationship with Joey," Chandler said, grinning.

"Ehhh, it had to happen sometime. Just the same way your Friends with Benefits relationship with Joey had to end," Phoebe grinned.

"Okay, don't make me shove you in there because I will," Chandler said. Phoebe laughed.

"I'm already wet."

"I don't care."

"When you and Monica move...promise you'll still keep in touch with me?" Phoebe asked. "I know Mon will...but you too?"

"Of course. I'll never forget the first girl to ever reject me."

"I didn't reject you, Bing," Phoebe said.

"Ehhh, you see it your way, I'll see it mine," Chandler said. Phoebe let out a snort as she stared at him.

"So, when you and Joey would make out...who was on top?" Phoebe asked. Chandler let a laugh as he placed his arm around Phoebe again, hugging her tightly. Phoebe crinkled her nose as he kissed the top of her head. Chandler felt himself tearing up as he hugged her.

"Are you crying?" Phoebe asked.

"I got my best friend back," Chandler said.

"I never left, Chandler. I know you think I did, but I didn't and no matter what happens, no matter where we go my promise remains. If you ever feel tempted, like you're going to fall off the wagon, call me. I don't care if it's two in the morning. Call me."

"I will."

"I'm so proud of you."

"I'm proud of you too," Chandler said as they sat there a bit longer. They remained there until the cold was making it impossible for them to stay out there. When Chandler arrived back at the apartment, he was sopping wet. Monica kept staring at him like he had lost his mind.

"Where were you?"

"I played with Phoebe. She asked me to give her away at her wedding. Phoebe's still my friend," Chandler said.

"I told you...why are you wet?"

"We played in the fountain...like when we had spent that Thanksgiving together back when you were Kip and Ross was with Carol-"

"Oh, yeah...when Phoebe purposely dropped spaghetti on my couch."

"It was an accident."

"It was not," Monica said.

"It was...the plate just fell...I'm gonna go change," Chandler said walking towards the bathroom. Spectacular, that's what all this was, spectacular and a few days later, he got to walk Phoebe down the aisle. He could not stop beaming, could not stop staring at how stunning Phoebe looked in her gown. He had teared up when he watched her. He remembered watching her graduate. He had teared up then too but back then neither Ross nor Monica had known why he was crying. Now they knew. He looked over at Monica, who was smiling at him. He had done this. He had helped. When Chandler and Phoebe reached Mike, she looked at him.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear.

"Love you too," Chandler said as he looked towards Mike, "take care of this one. She's special."

"He will, right Mike," Joey said, glaring at Mike. Mike shook his head and looked at Chandler.

"I promise," Mike said as Phoebe stepped forward next to him.

"Congrats, buddy," Chandler said as he stepped back and sat in one of the fold out chairs. Monica kept glancing at him as Joey performed the ceremony and soon pronouncing Phoebe and Mike as husband and wife. Things were definitely changing for this once codependent six and soon the goodbyes would start to feel more permanent as they would soon say goodbye to each other.

When he had first met Rachel Green, he had hated her. The second, third, fourth...anytime he had met her before 1994, he hated her and he knew full well the feeling was mutual but over the last ten years that feeling had changed. Rachel was one of his favorite people. Yes, she was beautiful. No one would ever argue that but there was more. Rachel was goofy, funny just like him. She could play with him in a way the others couldn't, an expert prankster herself and she loved movies. All those movies he loved, she loved as well...but now she was leaving and not just down the street. There was a possibility of her moving to another country. It was now April, about a week after his thirty-fifth birthday and Rachel had lost her job with Ralph Lauren and had gotten an offer to work with Louis Vutton in Paris. It pained him to think that she might leave but Ross seemed to be taking it the hardest. Chandler knew the true depths of Ross' feelings for Rachel, ever since that first day in college when he had seen that picture of Rachel on Ross' wall. He knew how much Rachel meant to him, despite everything they had been through.

"I don't want her to leave. If she leaves..." Ross began as he sat with Chandler, eating pizza. Joey was in Los Angeles with Lizzie for some pilots they were auditioning for, giving Chandler and Ross a chance to catch up. Something they hadn't really done in a long time.

"I know."

"I know Rachel and I have had a very unstable relationship. We've gotten together, broken up, gotten together...then broke up again. Married, divorced...had a child...oh my G-d."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"If she moves, she takes Emma. I'm gonna lose another child. I rarely see Ben and if I lose Emma too...I..I can't..." Ross shook his head. "I want her to..."

"Can I ask you something?" Chandler asked. He had heard this so many times. He could repeat the speech verbatim. Ross loved her. They had been on a break but he still loved her. Rachel and Ross. Ross and Rachel. It was almost tiresome, although he did kind of want them to work it out.

"Sure."

"If you two ever did get back together, what would be different?"

"What do you mean?"

"I remember that first day of freshman year and Lizzie and I lying on my bed and we noticed that picture of Rachel in her cheerleading uniform that you had on your wall and we were making fun of it...'cause we both still hated her. We thought oh, you must be dating her. You weren't. You were obsessed with her and you've always been obsessed with her, even when you dated other people. Who did you actually fall for? Rachel...or your fantasy of Rachel and I mean...what would be different now?"

"I love her. Yeah, I know I was completely obsessed with her and you're right...she was a bitch in high school. Stuff you didn't even know about...you just knew a little quarter of it...but I thought she was perfect and I know now she's not. I still like her though. She's the mother of my child...she's funny and sweet...and..you know, she convinced us to not give up on you. Even more than Mon, more than anyone. That third time you relapsed? She was still going, we need to stay with you. I...I don't know. It'll be different."

And it seemed Ross wasn't the only one upset that Rachel might be leaving. Rachel was also upset. She had tried to talk to Monica about what to do but Monica had told her the decision was her's which amused Chandler a little. It seemed that ever since finding out they would indeed be getting a baby, Monica was starting to become less and less involved in the dramas of the others. It was as if she was saving up which made him feel slightly bad for their unborn child.

"Tell me what to do," Rachel said as the two were walking together after lunch. It was now a few days after the lunch with Ross. Chandler smiled as he shook his head.

"You have to make that decision, Rach," Chandler said.

"You and your wife suck. Seriously, especially your wife. She's not telling me what to do."

"Because she's going to be a mom and doesn't care anymore."

"I can't.. .well...I don't know...it's just...and if I move, I take Emma away from her father and-and I can't do that and...oh..." Rachel stopped suddenly. Chandler looked at her. He turned as well, they had stopped in front of a store front right by NYU. It was a boutique that was going out of business. Rachel walked in without saying a word to Chandler. Chandler followed.

"Are we shopping?"

"They're selling this store?" Rachel asked.

"I guess," Chandler said.

"Yeah, we're moving. It's a great place but-" the saleslady said approaching them, having overheard the conversation.

"Yeah, it is," Rachel said. Chandler looked at her, noticing the wheels in her head clearly turning. She grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the side, away from the saleslady. "I'm insane."

"I've told you that since 1987. I'm glad you finally admit that."

"Shut up...when I was growing up, I really loved working in my aunt's store. I did, even after Phoebe stole clothes from there on my watch and...and I was having lunch with some designer friends of mine and they asked why I didn't open up a store or something and they said they'd sell their designs in my store if I had one. I've...I've made a lot of contacts over the years and everything about my adult life has been about taking these ridiculous risks. Running out on my wedding, completely abandoning my old life, my old friends, quitting my job as a waitress and working in fashion...having a child...every part of my relationship with Ross and I don't wanna...I know Ross is the guy I'm supposed to be with in the end but I..."

"I can help you," Chandler said, quietly. although a little stunned that came out of his mouth. He wondered if this would help. If he could use his trust fund to help Rachel...maybe it would be a way to make both Ross and Rachel happy? He had made Monica happy by getting her a kid, now, he had made Joey happy by bringing him and Lizzie together and he had made Phoebe happy by walking her down the aisle...maybe he owed Ross and Rachel?

"What?"

"I'm a trust fund kid. The trust fund money is there to help...I can use the trust fund money for that?"

"Chandler...I already love you enough, you don't need to give me your money," Rachel said which caused a look of shock from both Chandler and Rachel, "oh my G-d...who am I? What have I become?"

Chandler laughed as he took a deep breath, "let me."

"I don't know. I don't want it to affect our friendship."

"It won't."

"G-d...so you've used the trust fund money to help Phoebe with her education, help Joey with his career, help me do something insane...buy a home for you and Mon...wait, what is Ross getting?"

"You," Chandler said. "Look, Rach...you make the choice and if you do leave, I will be very sad but really...ultimately, it's up to you. I mean, yeah, I think you and Ross are completely ridiculous...but you always seem to come back together. I really can't solve this for you. You make this decision."

Rachel nodded as she looked around. She let out a deep breath, "I don't know. Wow...everything's changing. Joey's in a serious relationship, you and Mon are moving and a having kid...everything...Phoebe and Mike might be moving to Nashville."

"What?" Chandler asked, looking at her. Rachel bit her lip and looked at him.

"Um...you didn't know?"

"No."

"Well, they were thinking of going to Nashville and opening a bar like the Bluebird Cafe or any of those others. They both love music"

"She's going to move?"

"Maybe."

"Wow," Chandler said, taken a little aback by this. Too much was changing, his friends were leaving. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He had worked so hard to have those friends that would stick with him, stay by his side and then worked even harder to keep them and now they were leaving.


	61. Chapter 61

**2004 PART 2: THE FINAL GOODBYE! **

Phoebe, Mike, Monica and Chandler had taken to having double dates soon after Mike and Phoebe had gotten married. It was something both couples enjoyed. Monica and Chandler liked now not being the only married couple of the group and now with Phoebe and Mike, they had it. But that night, as Monica and Chandler sat waiting for Phoebe and Mike at a restaurant they had chosen close to Phoebe and Mike's place, he felt sad.

"You alright?" Monica asked as she glanced at her menu.

"Phoebe's moving? To Nashville?"

"Oh...who told you?"

"Rachel. You knew?"

"Nothing is for sure and...I didn't wanna say anything until it was for sure."

"Everyone's going away," Chandler said.

"I'm not," Monica said. "I'm gonna be here...still."

"Hey, guys," Phoebe said as she and Mike walked into the restaurant and took seats across from them. Looking at Phoebe made him feel worse, they had just really started to repair their friendship two months earlier and now, they would be saying goodbye.

"You're leaving?" Chandler asked as soon as Mike and Phoebe sat down.

"What? Oh...Monica, you told him?" Phoebe said.

"Rachel did," Monica said.

"You're moving to Nashville? To open a bar?" Chandler asked.

Phoebe took a deep breath and looked at Mike. Mike simply nodded as he looked at Chandler.

"I found this lounge/bar thing on Music Row in Nashville and I've always wanted to open a place like that where musicians can come and hone their craft and...you know I play piano and there was this amazing place and...I bought it and...Phoebe..." Mike said drifting off, not quite sure what else there was to say.

"What about being masseuse? I mean-"

"I know. I know that's what you paid for, Chandler and I'll take a test in Tennessee and get my license there too...I would feel awful if I didn't, it's just...you know I love music. You know that's always been my passion. I wanted to become a masseuse so I could get off the streets. Playing the guitar on street corners really can only get you so far. Please don't get upset or-"

"I'm not, Pheebs," Chandler said. "I'll miss you though."

"I'll miss you and...I meant what I said to you at the fountain that day before Mike and I's wedding," Phoebe said.

"What did you say?" Monica asked.

"I said that if he ever finds himself in trouble...if he finds himself tempted, call me. It still stands," Phoebe said.

Chandler smiled as he stared at the table. Monica grabbed his hand and squeezed it. That wasn't really the point though. He was starting to realize now as he entered the middle part of his thirties that he would always have someone to call if he needed help, it was that they were leaving in the first place.

"Same goes for me...if she's not there, you call me and we make fun of people we went to high school with," Mike said.

"That's not the point. I'll still miss you guys," Chandler said.

"I will become a masseuse in Tennessee, I promise." Phoebe said.

"That's not...it's just...I... you guys better invite me to the grand opening," Chandler said.

"Of course we will. There will be a box of Red Bull with your name on it," Phoebe said.

"That's all I ask," Chandler grinned as he took a deep breath. It made him so sad, it had been temporary. His friends all leaving. He wanted them all there. He was happy now, finally coming into his own, they had been through the fire with him and now he was calm, at peace and they were all now saying goodbye.

Maybe that's why he went so nuts at FAO Schwartz. It had started with small things but ever since Monica and Chandler learned they would be having a baby, he had found himself at FAO Schwartz every single day. Even though Monica kept telling him not to buy so much because they'd be moving, he kept doing it anyway. He wanted to prepare for the next stage.

During one particular shopping trip, he had found the perfect outfit for his new child as well as tons of other stuff and could not wait to show everything off. He ran into Central Perk to find Lizzie, Joey, Monica and Phoebe talking but he ignored it. He had found more stuff. Monica seemed rather annoyed as he ran in.

"Chandler, did you go shopping again?" Monica asked.

"But this is necessary. Okay, okay...look how cute this is," Chandler said as he pulled a tiny pink onsie with little cupcakes printed on it out of a bag. "I mean, what if the baby gets cold."

"Oye...Chandler," Monica grinned.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Chandler won't stop buying stuff for the baby. Chandler, we're moving in like three weeks. We discussed this. We'll buy basics and once we're in the new house then we can go nuts and buy baby stuff. We're gonna have to pack all that," Monica said.

"This was important," Chandler said. "So what did I miss?" There was tension, he could feel it. He looked over at Monica, who shifted uncomfortably.

"Well...Joey was telling us-"

"I'll tell him," Joey said, interrupting Monica, "remember when I went to Los Angeles a couple of weeks ago for that audition?"

"Yeah," Chandler said.

"I got the part. I'm...I'm gonna be moving to Los Angeles, buddy," Joey said.

Chandler let that hit him. He looked down at the bags and back up at Joey and Lizzie. That was too much. Joey leaving. His best friend, his brother. He would be sad about Phoebe and Rachel...but Joey.

"Oh, well congrats man...wow...I'm gonna go put these bags away," Chandler said as he turned and walked out of Central Perk, turning towards the front entrance of the building when Joey caught up to him.

"Can I talk to you?" Joey asked.

"No, I'm fine...congratulations."

"Hmmmm...wow, you might be a bigger idiot than I am," Joey said.

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked, confused.

"You really think that after everything we've been through, I'm gonna move across the country and never speak to you again," Joey said.

"I never said that."

"You're thinking it."

"You don't know what I'm thinking," Chandler said as he opened the door to the building and stepped inside, Joey walking in with him. The two began walking up the flights of stairs.

"Chandler look...everything is changing you know. You and Monica are moving to the suburbs and starting a family. Rachel might be moving to Paris, Phoebe is moving to Nashville and I'm a father...I'm thirty six years old and...and...I thought for a very long time that I would love to be one of those creepy old guys that hits on eighteen year olds while sleeping in a room over your garage but then I met Lauren and I missed so much and...I want to be there. I wanna be with Lizzie, I wanna have kids with her. Kids that I'm around to see and this part...it's amazing. Both Lizzie and I got the parts we auditioned for."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Liz is gonna be in some dramedy about a sportscaster whose wife dies-"

"Sounds funny," Chandler remarked, sarcastically

"I read the script, it's pretty good. He has to join some support group and...and Lizzie is going to play the sportscaster's assistant and-and the show I'm gonna be in? Come on, you can't tell me that it's the perfect role for me?" Joey said.

Chandler smiled as he kept walking up the stairs. It was perfect. Joey would be playing some washed up actor who gets a role in an Americanized version of a British sitcom. It was a show within a show and when Joey had shown Chandler the script, Chandler's first thought was how perfect Joey would be...but it didn't matter.

"I guess. You're still leaving," Chandler said.

"Still gonna be here during Thanksgiving and Christmas...and if I have to be in New York for any reason, I'm staying with you. I mean we're...we're Jandler."

"Chanoey," Chandler corrected.

"Jandler sounds cooler and if I get nominated for an award," Joey said.

"I'll be in Los Angeles."

"And we can still play videogames...we'll use headsets."

"Yeah...won't be the same though," Chandler said.

"I know...but you're still my brother and when Liz and I do get married...you're my best man."

"Over Ross?"

"Always," Joey grinned.

"Wait...when?"

"Yeah. She's a great girl."

"I always thought so."

"Yeah. You put her through hell though," Joey teased.

"That I did. You're a better guy for her. I'm glad you two are together and I can't wait for the wedding. My speech will be awesome."

Joey smiled at him as the two men stared silently at each other before leaning in for one of their many signature hugs. Joey Tribbiani. Joey had been the last person he wanted to have as his roommate. He had found him obnoxious and a meathead...but then as he got to know Joey, as he realized just how much their lives had intertwined before they were ever even officially friends, he couldn't imagine a better friend, a better brother. Joey had always been there for him, protecting him.

"Did I ever thank you?" Chandler asked as the two walked toward Joey and Rachel's apartment.

"Lots of times," Joey said.

"No. That Halloween party...when Shane saw me. I don't know if you knew what he said. He was threatening to kick my ass and then called me a name...and then you appeared out of nowhere and told him to leave and...I appreciated that a lot. You didn't have to and I knew you probably didn't know-"

"I had an idea. Shane was an asshole, Bing. When you walked into the party that night, he pointed you out and I said I wasn't sure who you were and then a few minutes later I saw him talking to you but not in a friendly way. I don't know what he said although I have an idea."

"Thanks for sticking up for me. Thanks for sticking by me...just thank you."

"You're welcome and thank you for helping with my career...and for being such a dick to your college girlfriend that she decided to cheat on you with a hot Italian guy she met in her acting class," Joey grinned which made Chandler laugh.

"Anytime my friend."

_"Baywatch?"_

"Let's do it," Chandler said as they walked in, Chandler grabbing a chair as Joey got the Baywatch DVDs ready and the two soon were sitting side by side, watching ._Baywatch_, one episode after the other. It was perfect for the two friends. Jandler or Chanoey, depending on who you asked. It didn't really matter as Chandler knew just as he knew with Phoebe, even if they moved, they'd still be friends.

He was at work, actually working when the call came. She told him she made a decision. She would do it and needed his help. His heart felt a bit lighter when she told him the news. Yes, things were changing but at least Rachel was staying. He made an appointment with the accountant again and took the money out, his trust fund money and met Rachel at the store which was now filled with boxes.

"I'm crazy, right?" Rachel asked as Chandler walked in. She looked at him.

"Yeah...but this-"

"I can't leave. I can't...I left my old life. I did that and it was the best decision I've ever made but if I leave Ross and Monica and you...it's different. You guys make my life. Saying goodbye to Joey and Phoebe and watching them leave, G-d, that'll be heart wrenching and I know that Joey leaving probably kills you but-"

"Wait, you're not staying because of me, are you?"

"No. No...I'm staying because...I'm where I'm supposed to be. I already left one life. Ten years ago and when I walked out of my wedding, out of my old life, I was terrified but I knew...I knew with every fiber of my being that I was doing the right thing and ten years ago, it was easier. I walked out of that world and into a world with the five greatest people I have ever known. Even you, Chandler...you have driven me crazy. There has been no one really that I have gone from intense hate to...love and now...now, I have a daughter. I want my daughter to know her cousin and...her uncle Chandler and aunt Monica and-and I have...a Ross. I love Ross. Oh, I love him and I don't know if it'll be different now. It better be...but I can't get on that plane. I can't leave. I can't take his daughter away from him. I can't take me away from him," Rachel said, her eyes filling with tears as she stared at him. Chandler reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and handed her the check. She stared at it and back at him.

"Congratulations, Rachel. You're a business owner."

"I am," Rachel said as Chandler walked towards her. The two hugged, Chandler holding her tightly as he gently kissed her on the head. "Thank you, Chandler."

"You're welcome. Hey...you did this. I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of you too. So proud...hmm, yeah, we totally should've been better friends at camp."

"Oh, yeah," Chandler said as Rachel took a deep breath and stepped away from him. "But Rach, can I ask you something?"

"Anything what?"

"Don't tell anyone I gave you the money."

"We all know you're a trust fund kid."

"I know, it's just...don't tell. Please. I...I...wanna keep this private."

"What about Monica? Isn't she listed on your trust now?"

"I'll tell her...later. Just..."

"Okay. Wow. Wow," Rachel said.

She looked around the store again. Things were moving so fast, ending so quickly and a few weeks later, when Ross came to Central Perk to tell them all that Rachel needed them to meet her at a boutique, Chandler knew it was time for Rachel's big reveal. He had told no one about Rachel's plan, not Monica, not anyone. It had been tough but Rachel had wanted everyone to think that maybe she would move to Paris. He would give her that moment, that moment where she told them all what was going on. When Mike, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, Lizzie, Monica and Chandler walked into the boutique, Rachel was sitting in the now deserted store with Emma playing next to her. She glanced at Chandler before looking at the rest of them.

"I may have just lost my mind," Rachel said.

"Why?" Ross asked.

"Phoebe and Mike inspired me and-and I was eating lunch with a couple of friends of mine who are designers and they said that if I ever had a store they would sell their designs in my store and...and I thought about that and one of the things I was super good at when I worked at Bloomingdales and even at Ralph Lauren, I was good at cultivating friendships with designers and I'm still friends with those designers and...and I'm insane, I am...but I can't-" Rachel said.

"What are you saying, Rach?" Monica asked. Rachel shot Chandler a look, he grinned. He really had kept the secret. This was her moment. Rachel's.

"I bought a store...this store. I talked to my parents and they helped and I bought a store. I can't...Ross, I can't take Emma away from you and take her to a whole other country. You never see Ben and I know how much that kills you and I can't do that to you but..."

Chandler cocked his head to the side and looked at her. She had kept her promise, not revealing it was him but he could see Monica staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He avoided her gaze and watched Ross instead.

"Rachel...if it's what you want..." Ross said.

"And I want you, Ross," Rachel said. "Ross, I want us to be together. I can't go and leave...but I can't stay if things are going to be the way they were before. No. You can't get insanely jealous if I work late or if I have to travel. I want this to be right...I wanna take this risk...if Phoebe and Mike are taking a risk, then I will too but-but this relationship needs to be a healthy one...no more craziness and no more...just no more-"

Ross walked over to her and immediately kissed her. She stared at Ross and smiled at him as she kissed him back. The rest of the group stared at each other uncomfortably, not sure what to say or if they should be saying anything at all.

"That's my ex girlfriend," Joey whispered.

"Wow...you're a man whore," Lizzie grinned.

"Yeah, baby," Joey said, which made Chandler laugh.

"I don't want to be here now," Monica said.

"Wanna get coffee," Chandler said as the rest of the group left the store, leaving Rachel and Ross to sort things out on their own. As the walked out, Monica grabbed Chandler's arm and motioned for Phoebe, Mike, Lizzie and Joey to walk ahead of them. When they were alone, she stared at him.

"Rachel's parents didn't help her get this store, did they?" Monica asked.

"No."

"Chandler."

"No, it's just...Rachel can't leave too...Phoebe and Joey leaving is gonna be hard enough and then I thought, G-d, if she leaves Ross is gonna be devastated and you...I mean, you already have one best friend leaving with Phoebe moving to Nashville, Lizzie is starting to become your friend and she's moving to Los Angeles with Joey and then...I thought, if Rachel left, you'd have no female friends in New York left and I didn't want you to be lonely and...'cause I know how much sucks it to be lonely and-"

"I'm not lonely. I have you."

"Yeah, but when you want to complain about me...which I know you like to do, it's probably better that I don't hear it."

"True," Monica said, looking at him, her eyes filling with tears as she kissed him. "And...Joey and Lizzie are for sure coming for Thanksgiving. So you will see him again and Phoebe is coming with Mike for Thanksgiving too so we will see them as well."

"Hey," Rachel said as she and Ross walked out of the store, hand in hand, Rachel holding Emma with her free arm. They walked towards Chandler and Monica.

"It wasn't her parents that helped with the store, was it?" Ross asked, Chandler looked over at Rachel.

"I didn't tell him a thing," Rachel said.

"Thank you," Ross said as he and Chandler hugged.

"No, thank you," Chandler said, "and Rach, you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, I wanna be with my family. I mean, I spent so much of my life wanting a family...wanting to be surrounded by people that loved me for my crazy self. People I can be myself around without judgment and I found it in you guys and I can't leave that. I wouldn't have asked for the money if I felt like I was being forced. I wanna do this. I may need help. Monica, I may need you to make lists."

"I will totally do that," Monica said.

"I know," Rachel said as she let go of Ross' hand and hugged Monica. The two women, crying as they held onto each other. Ross stepped towards Chandler.

"It's gonna be different now," Ross said.

"I know," Chandler said.

"Joey told me you're gonna be his best man whenever he and Liz get married," Ross said.

"Hmmm, yes," Chandler said. "Sorry."

"That's alright, it's how it should be."

Chandler nodded as Ross patted Chandler on the back. Monica, still holding Emma, began walking off with Rachel beside her. Chandler and Ross following closely behind.

All this change, this moving on, the saying of goodbyes all took a backseat when Erica went into labor. Chandler and Monica were officially parents but not just the parents to one baby, two. Two infants, tiny, so full of life. They were a family, the Gellar-Bings.

"I have babies. I'm a mom," Monica said as tears streamed down her face. Erica had given birth and now Chandler and Monica were holding their new children, little Erica and Jack.

"They are so gorgeous," Chandler said, "they're ours."

"Oh, G-d. Oh, man...G-d...I just...thank you."

"No, thank you."

"I love them and we have one of each."

"Hi, kids...it's your mom and dad," Chandler said as Monica kept crying.

"I...I have everything I've ever wanted. I do. I have everything. This is all happening. To me. To us. This is amazing."

"Okay, kids...we're gonna start with the silent movies first. We'll begin with _Birth of a Nation_. Four hour silent movie...quite possibly the most racist movie of all time, so you know, don't get freaked out by all the lynching. It's fake and you two will probably sleep throughout most of it. Which is fine...then we're gonna go through all the silent movies. You'll love Charlie Chaplain and...and.." Chandler began when he felt Monica kiss his arm. He looked at her as she smiled at him.

"We're a family."

"We are," Chandler said. "Hmmmm, just thought of something."

"What?"

"I have to buy more things at FAO Schwartz."

Monica laughed as looked down at Jack, sleeping in her arms and over at Erica's sleeping in Chandler's. Chandler could not believe this was his life now and he felt protective. So very protective...

"I can never drink again. I will never drink again...or take a drug. I can't. I can't let these two down. They're depending on me. I'm their dad."

"You'll be amazing," Monica said "I can't wait for the others to meet these two."

"Me neither."

"And we have to say goodbye them...oh, G-d."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"It's not fair. Just as we start our family, we have to say goodbye to the family we've had for ten years. I don't any of them to go."

"They're our family. We're not gonna lose them."

"How do you know?" Monica asked.

"I know. Let's bring our babies home?"

Monica nodded as they both walked out of the hospital room. Carefully they brought the babies home where everyone was waiting in their now packed up apartment. There was Joey, Lizzie and now fourteen year old Lauren, Ross, Rachel and the now two year old Emma and of course, Mike and Phoebe. They were now each a family of their own. Each one going their own way. Ross and Rachel would stay in the city with Emma. Joey, Lizzie and Lauren would be moving to Los Angeles. Phoebe and Mike would move to Nashville and Chandler and Monica would be living with their two children in the suburbs, an hour away from New York.

The goodbyes were brutal. Awful. They all made plans to reconvene during Thanksgiving, to catch up on each others lives. The tears flowed from the six friends as they shared memories. They had grown up together, been there through high points and horrible lows. Chandler had dreamt of friends tat would seem like family and he had gotten it. As they all said goodbye, they made the promise, despite the years, despite the distances, they would forever be part of each others lives.

It was late night, now October, Chandler and Monica were lying in their bed watching the Late Show with Craig Ferguson. The twins were finally asleep and the two were watching Joey in one of his first late night talk show appearances. Monica was acting a little strange but Chandler ignored it, thinking she was just being weird. He wanted to listen to Joey, so proud of his friend. He hated that his brother now lived three thousand miles away, but he would still be proud nonetheless. He listened to Joey in amusement. His new show was pretty good, it was very funny but as Chandler was listening, a particular story sparked his attention. Joey was telling a story to the Scottish comic about buying his buddy in New York a Corvette because he drove the old one into a house. He talked about how Monica, Ross and Rachel had come up with this elaborate scheme where they would park the car Ross and Rachel's and Monica would drive it home, making sure that she parked it in the driveway after Chandler got home from work. He looked over at Monica who was grinning at him. Chandler immediately grabbed his cell phone, got off the bed and ran outside. There, sitting in the driveway was a shiny, cherry red Corvette. Sally 2.0.

"Oh my G-d," Chandler said as he quickly dialed.

"So you watched the show?" Joey answered.

"Oh my G-d...dude, this is-"

"My first paycheck, I buy you a car. Next one, I buy an engagement ring for Liz."

"Joey...I-it's...Sally Disisa Corvette 2.0," Chandler said, "oh my G-d...thank you, I-"

He stopped as he stared at the backseat. There were three carseats in the back. Chandler cocked his head to the side, "can I call you back?"

"Of course."

Chandler hung up, now completely stunned as he walked back into the house to look at Monica who was still grinning, this time holding a pregnancy test.

"You saw the Corvette?" Monica asked.

"Yes. You made it child friendly."

"I did."

"But Mon...why are there three carseats?" Chandler asked. Monica kept smiling as she walked towards him, holding up the pregnancy test. He could tell there was a positive sign there.

"I'm pregnant," Monica said. "I guess a couple of your guys finally got off the barcaloungers and my uterus felt was time to let them in."

Chandler's mouth dropped as he took her in his arms and kissed her. This was all too perfect, all to wonderful and for the first time. It didn't frighten him. The months would go by. Rachel and Ross got engaged again and had a small ceremony. Rachel's store was hugely successful as was Phoebe and Mike's lounge in Tennessee. They also became expectant parents. Joey and Lizzie also became engaged and nine months later, Monica and Chandler had a child becoming an official family of five.

It was funny, he has spent so much of his life running, being scared, being selfish but he finally felt at peace. He had gotten so comfortable with be alone but now...he would be. He finally felt okay with just being him as it was all finally good enough.

THE END!

**The very last chapter in the Chandler Bing saga. So sorry about the length of this story! I really had no meant for it to be SOOOO long! Also, sorry for all and any grammar errors! I usually just read through these stories once and sometimes don't get all the mistakes. So no need to point them out...I know! But I hope all of you review! PLEASE! REVIEW! Thanks for those of you who have stuck with it and now I'm not sure whom I will do next...I'm debating between Monica and Rachel. **


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